Gutsy Health | Nutrition and Medicine

The Truth About Tristin

December 08, 2020 Juanique and Tristin Roney Season 1 Episode 72
Gutsy Health | Nutrition and Medicine
The Truth About Tristin
Chapters
Gutsy Health | Nutrition and Medicine
The Truth About Tristin
Dec 08, 2020 Season 1 Episode 72
Juanique and Tristin Roney

Show Summary: We have different battles. Others may look like they are the happiest when behind the laughter and smile is a heart full of sadness and pain. 

No one exactly knows what each person is going through, whether it's financial, family, or health problems. Because sometimes, it's part of being a loving & caring person; we choose to hide what we feel and spread positivity even if we know that it's taking the toll on us

Our mentors, coaches, healers, or consultants are no exemption to this. The amazing people who empower and guide us also experience challenges in life. But to push you to move forward, they sometimes have to cry in silence, keep their problems to themselves just to see you grow and prosper. 

Like Tristin and Juanique, their mission is to save lives by making a holistic lifestyle change. Behind it is a roller coaster ride of different emotions, anxiety, and stress because of Tristin's battle with cancer. However, this doesn't stop them from raising awareness about taking full responsibility for what you eat and do for long, healthy, and happy lives.

In this episode, they tell you how their journey has been in this year and

  • What symptoms has Tristin been feeling
  • What his current state is
  • Treatments that he undergoes
  • What realizations they have as a married couple with business and health struggles

Listen to this episode, and don't forget to say thanks to the people who help you heal, guide you, and make you happy. 

To all who never stop to work day in and out to make this world a better place, THANK YOU. You are truly FANTASTIC.

Important Links

Gutsy Health Website

Provo Health Instagram

Gut Restoration

3 Exceptional Highlights:

  • The reason why we are here is because I hope that when people hear this message, it's a course correction, that maybe you would have gotten cancer in five years or 10 years, maybe, but you're not anymore because you're changing your lifestyle because you're changing the food that you are nourishing your body with, you're changing your stress, you are giving your body what it needs to thrive..
  • Disease is so much more than $1 bill
  • We co create with each other. That means that the emotions that we place onto each other have power.

Show Highlights: 

Why did Juanique and Tristin start The Gutsy Health Podcast?

Juanique 9:34

  • The reason why we started this podcast, the reason why I just started talking on a platform to begin with.

Why was the first half of the year so traumatic to both of them?

Tristin 14:30

  •  It was like symptoms coming and going. It was really weird. Fear, anxiety, trauma, panic attacks look the other way.

What was their business struggle?

Juanique 17:45

  • We haven't even spoken about the stress of the business this year. On top of all of this panic from January to July, Provo health just blew up, which we're so grateful for. But we're not business people. 

What was their experience attending the retreat?

Tristin 38:11

  • We showed up to this retreat the first day. And we were both scared out of our minds. Yeah, we're in this house with 50 people. They all know and love each other. They're hugging and talking like, best friends from childhood. We're sitting in a corner. 

Support the show (https://www.mygutsyhealth.com/gutsy-family)

Show Notes Transcript

Show Summary: We have different battles. Others may look like they are the happiest when behind the laughter and smile is a heart full of sadness and pain. 

No one exactly knows what each person is going through, whether it's financial, family, or health problems. Because sometimes, it's part of being a loving & caring person; we choose to hide what we feel and spread positivity even if we know that it's taking the toll on us

Our mentors, coaches, healers, or consultants are no exemption to this. The amazing people who empower and guide us also experience challenges in life. But to push you to move forward, they sometimes have to cry in silence, keep their problems to themselves just to see you grow and prosper. 

Like Tristin and Juanique, their mission is to save lives by making a holistic lifestyle change. Behind it is a roller coaster ride of different emotions, anxiety, and stress because of Tristin's battle with cancer. However, this doesn't stop them from raising awareness about taking full responsibility for what you eat and do for long, healthy, and happy lives.

In this episode, they tell you how their journey has been in this year and

  • What symptoms has Tristin been feeling
  • What his current state is
  • Treatments that he undergoes
  • What realizations they have as a married couple with business and health struggles

Listen to this episode, and don't forget to say thanks to the people who help you heal, guide you, and make you happy. 

To all who never stop to work day in and out to make this world a better place, THANK YOU. You are truly FANTASTIC.

Important Links

Gutsy Health Website

Provo Health Instagram

Gut Restoration

3 Exceptional Highlights:

  • The reason why we are here is because I hope that when people hear this message, it's a course correction, that maybe you would have gotten cancer in five years or 10 years, maybe, but you're not anymore because you're changing your lifestyle because you're changing the food that you are nourishing your body with, you're changing your stress, you are giving your body what it needs to thrive..
  • Disease is so much more than $1 bill
  • We co create with each other. That means that the emotions that we place onto each other have power.

Show Highlights: 

Why did Juanique and Tristin start The Gutsy Health Podcast?

Juanique 9:34

  • The reason why we started this podcast, the reason why I just started talking on a platform to begin with.

Why was the first half of the year so traumatic to both of them?

Tristin 14:30

  •  It was like symptoms coming and going. It was really weird. Fear, anxiety, trauma, panic attacks look the other way.

What was their business struggle?

Juanique 17:45

  • We haven't even spoken about the stress of the business this year. On top of all of this panic from January to July, Provo health just blew up, which we're so grateful for. But we're not business people. 

What was their experience attending the retreat?

Tristin 38:11

  • We showed up to this retreat the first day. And we were both scared out of our minds. Yeah, we're in this house with 50 people. They all know and love each other. They're hugging and talking like, best friends from childhood. We're sitting in a corner. 

Support the show (https://www.mygutsyhealth.com/gutsy-family)

This is the Gutsy health podcast with Jaunique and Tristin Roney. Hey, guys, welcome back to the Gutsy health podcast. Hello everybody. Tristin has lost voice. So if we're going on about a month now, right. But he's probably going to be doing a lot of the talking today. Maybe. Does doesn't this kind of feel like the season finale? The season, the cliffhanger. This is the season finale of the Gutsy Health Podcast, just kidding. So honestly, this is an episode we've wanted to record for a long time. But literally the day after we decided to do it, my voice disappeared. Right. Then we've been waiting for it to come back. Kept waiting and at this point, looks like we might be in this for the long haul. So we just have to go with it. Well, we'll just go with it. Otherwise, we'll be waiting months and months. Hopefully not but we just can't count on it. Right, exactly. So you have soldiery Tristin voice right now. And it's kind of exhausting, too. It is. Totally and I might be talking even quieter, but we'll see. What's our episode on today? This episode is kind of -- 2020 and a recap. Sort of. The shit show this year has been. Yes, it's where we finally tell everybody what's been going on behind the scenes all year. We haven't talked about it. We haven't. Most of our family don't even know. It's just one of those things where we're just like, meh, we don't want to talk about it. And now we're just like, we're just going to get it out there. Yes. And just go . Man 2020 was rough. Do you remember my mom came over January 5th and she was like "Hey, I've been diagnosed with breast cancer." Do you remember that? Yes. That's how we started our year. To be honest things that started blowing up before that. Before that. Yeah, a few weeks before that. But yeah. But that was kind of the happy new year. But spoiler alert, she doesn't have breast cancer was a misdiagnosis. So that was like-- Some good stuff did happen this year. That was one of the good things. There was one of the great things where I was like psych. Oh, it's just cysts in her breasts. So yes. How far back do we want to go? December 2019? We should probably start December. In fact I was thinking about this today. We should probably go back like October when the chambers shut down. So we can I mean-- that's more like the stress just really had . So October twenty nineteen Dobel shut down our hyperbaric chambers and that was super stressful. And we had to lawyer up and we were back and forth with negotiations. And turns out they don't even know their own laws around hyperbaric chamber operations. And so they were just-- Because there aren't any They are not. And so they're making things up as they go . So here I had to spent hours and hours of research showing them " Hey, this is how other facilities run chambers. Why are you creating a golden standard that doesn't exist?" And it really just turned out to be that they just didn't like us, and they're like "you're not doctors." And we're like "Yes, but, but look at the laws in other states and look at the policy." We actually did an episode on that. No, we didn't. I swear we did in November. No, we didn't. We were really quiet about it. Anyways, that happened and so we had to shut down the chambers. And one of our dearest clients died in December. That was super heartbreaking. Lots of people died. Lots of people. Yes. Between November and the end of January. A lot of our cancer clients who were doing amazing. Not even just clients, but friends-- and friends. Yes. People who we've known since I got diagnosed, basically. Right. Oh, my gosh. Right. So December hits. Do you want to talk about that? Actually I was thinking about this earlier. Yes. Right after Thanksgiving last year we were on work with Wesley's podcast. Do you remember that? Yes. At that time, we were basically telling your story. And I remember at one point she asked me something like " So do you feel like you're done? Do you feel like it's over?" I remember that moment because I felt it too. Quick. Huh? so is it all gone? Are we all done? And we're like "We hope so." Right. So the truth was that I never felt like I was done. The whole time there was always this, just this knowing in the back of my head that there's more to come. There's more to do with this. A nd then literally right after that episode that we recorded, it had gone like that, but right after we recorded it like a week later or something, --I got sick. I t was some kind of cold or flu or something. And I started wheezing. I was breathing. Right. And that traumatized me really badly. Can people hear me? I feel like I'm losing it really quickly here, but I developed really severe anxiety about this because, you are the last that we had known the active cancer had been in my lungs. Right. Right. So the anxiety I had was actually never about my bowels where it started. There was always about my lungs. And so developing a symptom in my lungs, which was wheezing. And I was also getting shortness of breath, feeling like I was having a hard time breathing. Right. It was it was terrible. I was having panic attacks. I dealt out there very mild at the time. I didn't realize that. Right. Right. Then what? Where are we still in December of 2019. You then told me and the wheezing would come and go, and it was-- it was just really scary. And someone else, a friend that was living with us at the time, she had wheezing too. She got sick. So we're like maybe it's just that, you know, it's nothing. And it's funny because fast forward to like I don't know, is it March when we recorded with Ryan Blaser and-- Is it March? I don't know. But I remember listening , we were recording a podcast episode and was during that podcast episode where I went to Mass Panic Mode because I was listening to you talking and I'm like, something's wrong. Oh yeah. Because I was struggling. It hit me. I'm like, there's something wrong. Like something's up. And that's when we started talking about it more. I was like "Hey, are you still wheezing?" And you're like "yes". And I was like, this is this is very bad. Yes. And so did some blood work. We didn't check cancer markers, nothing like that. But there were some inflammatory markers that were ups and red flag. (..) the inflammation. And I want listeners to understand, when you think of your cancer friends, when you think of your cancer, your family members please recognize the amount of trauma these people experience in their lives, because a cancer diagnosis isn't just a cancer diagnosis. It's a horrific experience. It's tons of fear. Your life flashing before your eyes every single day. Obviously, everyone's going to be different about this. Right? Right. Have different perspectives on life and death and all that. But when you were basically doing when you get a cancer diagnosis is taking on the entire burden of our society's fear and anxiety around cancer. Exactly, but your own as well. Right. You're taking on your anxiety. You're taking on other people's anxiety . It's just a mass emotional hysteria. There's this societal story about cancer. They call it the emperor of all maladies, right? That just gives you an idea. This is the one that everybody fears when I think get a symptom. And when you get diagnosed, that story that our society holds around cancer becomes your story. Totally. Well, and not even that but the appointments with oncologists is just traumatizing that the treatments are traumatizing. The surgeries are traumatizing. The waiting in the hospital, like your eight hour surgery , that was so hard. But I mean, you were the one under the knife that was hard you're recovering from that surgery. It's hard for everyone. The point saying is people are probably wondering "Why didn't we check faster? Why don't we check sooner?" It's because trauma is sometimes heavier than cancer, like trying to run through that door, that door frame of trauma is the hardest thing that some people do. And that was us. We couldn't we just couldn't face it. We were so, so scared. And I know that that makes us a little bit hypocritical because we get on here every week and we talk about health stuff and we try to empower people with all these tools and knowledge. And here we are and here I am- paralyzed with fear. -not able to look at my own stuff. Paralyzed. I do want to say something to that, though. The reason why we started this podcast, the reason why I just started talking on a platform to begin with, the reason why we are here is because I hope that when people hear this message, it's a course correction that maybe you would have gotten cancer in five years or ten years, maybe. But you're not anymore because you're changing your lifestyle, because you're changing the food that you are nourishing your body with. You are changing your stress. You are giving your body what it needs to thrive. This is why we do this, because disease is so much more than a dollar bill. It is endless nights of restlessness and sleeplessness. It is body shaking tremors. T here's this joke actually in the cancer circles called, what is it? I can't even remember, I think like-- scanxietyscanxiety or I think it's called appointment poops, where once you're done with an appointment with the doctor, you immediately go to the bathroom and you just empty out your bowels because.. I've had so many people that have spoken about that, too and I'm just like right after an oncology appointment, you just run to the bathroom because you have the runs. You are literally traumatized on every cell, every cellular level is just in freak out mode. The terrible thing about that is that anxiety and that fear is inflammatory. It is. It is. It contributes to the exact things that you are afraid of. And so this is why we talk, because I never want people to go through this. I never want people's kids to go through what I've kids have gone through. I never want another wife out there to have to go through what I've gone through. I never want another spouse to go out there to go through what Tristin is going through. this is why we're here. This is why we show up every day. This is why we pride ourselves on giving so much free knowledge so that this won't be you, that this won't be your child, that this won't be your spouse, that this won't be your parents . You can change. You can change your health. You can you have that power and you-- go ahead. We also when we started this, our whole point was that we're not special. No. We're not these experts who are endowing you with wisdom. No, we are just-normal people. -from the same place that you come from. We've educated ourselves using the same tools available to everybody. Exactly. We don't have MDs. We don't even have PhDs. So I guess it's fitting now that we're still in the middle of this because that's who we are. We're just like you. Right. We're just like you. So anyways, March happens. Fast forward to July. Yes. T hat whole first half of the year was just a big traumatic, messy blur. It was. It went so, so slowly. It was. But there's very little to report about it because it was the same thing e very single day. It was like symptoms coming and going. It was really weird. Fear, anxiety, trauma. Panic attacks. like the other way. So many, so many panic attacks. I actually liked hired a therapist this year, like the first I was one of those people like oh he need therapy and I'm like "oh I do, I need therapy" but go ahead. No. So I mean I can't even tell you how many nights I spent just laying awake actually not even laying, like sitting on the couch listening to my heart feel like it's about to explode out of my chest. And honestly, not sure if I'm going to survive the night. Yeah. Because I'm pretty convinced I'm having a heart attack. obviously, it was a panic attack, not a heart attack . But so many nights of that, it was awful. Yes. And I mean, we had a doctor say you need to go get screened for PTSD. We're like "Why? We already know it's PTSD. What are you talking about?" Telling someone that has PTSD that they need to go talk about their PTSD? It's very silly. It's like no . That's really cool of you to recommend that, but no thanks. There's the reason why the drop out rates for PTSD treatment are so high. That's because unless you are willing to show up at their house and literally corner them right and make them figure it out, they're going to avoid it. That's totally what PTSD does. That's what you do. So fast forward to July. I finally convinced you to get some blood work done like so we finally looked at cancer markers . There's one very specific marker that is relevant to colorectal cancer. It's called CEA. Yeah, personal embryonic antigen. Yu need to get it tested now. To give you some context, back when I was going through treatments, my CEA peaked at about eightpoint six. How was that? That was the highest ever gotten. That was actually right before we started treatments. We didn't really check it in the middle of treatment. So we didn't. But at the end of everything, I was down to two, one point nine. Yes. And then we checked it out and then July came and checked and it was higher than that. that checked in July, it was already 14. S o already almost double the highest it had ever been. Right. But what's really interesting though is this is where the journey actually begins for us is we now have this knowledge. Now it's go time. It's like " OK, we finally looked at that demon" and I think I've actually explained this on one of the podcast. This is what cancer felt like to me is I'm in a glass house and it's dark and there's lights inside the house, but there's no lights outside this house . This glass house. Yeah. You can't see out, but people can see and you're like a fish in a fish bowl and there's eyes on the outside of the house looking in. That's a very scary image. That is cancer to me. And now I finally turned the lights on outside and I can see it and it's there and it's like you can sense that they're looking and now the lights are on. It's like, oh, shit, here we are. That's my biggest fear has just been realized. Honestly, for me, it was actually relieving to find out that I was actually there because there was no more guessing. There was no more telling myself the stories. Yeah, I could just see what was there. Using your little metaphor, like seeing what the monster looked like was actually less scary than imagining the monster looked like. Which obviously doesn't mean that all of a sudden everything was OK. I was still a mess. But , my panic attacks actually started very gradually decreasing from that point. We had some low points, though. Right after that we went to Bear Lake. You remember that day we went to the caves? Yes. Yes, I do. There's a lot of stairs in those caves. I thought I was going to die. I felt like I was having this terrible asthma attack. I was just going to stop breathing right there in the cave. What's interesting is that that was your very first symptom of other than the wheezing, it's like oh you're out of breath. The shortness of breath. It's like OK, here it is. That was really the first time, though, that I realized, oh, like this is really intense. This isn't just someone who's out of shape. This is like-I can't breathe. -I mean there are like eighty year old people in that cave doing better than I was doing. To be fair, you were holding Sertori part of the time, remember that she felt she was safe? Yes, but still. A nyway but that was kind of a low point to say, oh wow this is, this is real. This isn't just numbers. So when I got diagnosed initially I didn't really have symptoms. All I had was difficulty pooping but I -- Originally like four years ago when you was diagnosed. I was at my fitness peak at the time. And I was sleeping great for the few hours I would let myself sleep then. So this actually experiencing symptoms was a very new ringland sobering experience. . We haven't even spoken about the stress of the business this year, oh my gosh. On top of all of this panic from January to July, Provo Health just blew up, which we are so grateful and we're not business people. So we're like ideas people and we're educators. And so trying to figure out the business aspect and trying to serve so many people and then hiring and then training and then figuring out better systems. We didn't even really start hiring until well into that whole process. So for several months it was. It was us doing everything. All day long and all night long. All night long. I remember one point in May w here I was, it was like 11 o'clock at night, and I've been working all day long on this, trying to get something set up so that we can make things more efficient in the business, and you Juanique came to me and you're like, I'm really frustrated because we are not connecting. And I knew that we weren't connecting. And in that moment, I felt so defeated because I knew that I literally had nothing left in me. And I was basically looking at this impossible choice between do I let this business just completely fall to rubble. Right. Or to let hundreds of people down? Or do I let my family and marriage fall to rubble? Right. Right. And it was awful. And I remember actually thinking that moment, this is why I'm sick. Not because of you but because I put myself in a situation where I am-- Not taking care of yourself. I am just infinitely depleted. And there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Right. Right. Right. So, so once again, finding out just a couple of months later that cancer was back and active. Yeah, of course it is. And I think the hardest thing about this too is our business is our baby. It's not just a money maker. It is a soul. It is a spiritual calling to help people feel their best in their bodies. That, to me, is so important. So it's not just about money in, money out, that's why it was so important that we get this running so that people can feel the love from the services . . But our systems were just overwhelmed and messy. You guys, this is going to probably do a long podcast. But can we just everyone that has worked with us, can you just recognize for a second Tristin's sister Britney, who is our office manager. She has showed up so hard. This woman was a full time mom and come like me, I think one of our employees was leaving . He was going to medical school. And we're like, oh, my gosh, we don't know what we're going to do. And Tristin sister, Brittany, was like, I'm here. I'm here for it. And she knew something was up she could sense it and she could sense our overwhelm. And she was like, I'm here to do whatever. And she just took on everything. She took on office managing. She helped me with everything. If there was a system broken, like she took all the complaints for it, like she's the complaints department, she's the organizer, she's the interviewer, she's everything. And it's so sweet too because sometimes when people are sick, they don't feel good. And when they don't feel good, they don't feel happy. And when they don't feel happy, they call her office and they start yelling at stuff. And Britney just takes it. She takes it with a smile and she's like, we're so sorry that happened. We're trying to make this better for you. Let's see what we can do for you . S he just she always just shows up. So if you've ever worked with Britney, just say a silent thank you for her because without her, I'm pretty sure Provo Health because there was a point where I like we'll come to that, we're jumping the gun. But anyway, Britney hopped on. We started employing other people and we reached a point where, it's funny because healing to me is very intuitive, and it's, you know, first time around four years ago, it was research, research, research, know everything you can . Learn everything you can about this cancer, about this body, about the human body. What do we need to do? What are the clinics doing? What are the big guns doing? What is it? And this time round, I ordered the books. I went on the websites and nothing there was nothing. I would start reading the books. I'm like, there's nothing here . W e felt both felt very called to deal with the trauma of the cancer. We're like, you know what? We've done all the things we've checked all the boxes we've done all the big guns, we know all the big people we need to go in. We took a little bit of an unconventional approach. So back to July, find out cancer August rolls around, Tristin goes to kind of like a healing retreat. He's in Hawaii. And so we basically told our staff, Tristin taking on no more clients, I'm taking his clients, I'm taking my clients. D on't ask him for anything like we're done. He's done, no one bothers Tristin anymore. You talk to Britney, you talk to me, and we will try and figure this out. We're not as smart as Tristin, but we're going to figure this out. So you went to Hawaii. Yes. I went to a spiritual retreat in Hawaii for two weeks. And there was a lot of meditation, a lot of reading, spiritual reading, journaling, silence. In fact, the whole retreat was in silence except for necessary conversation to get food and things like that. And play medicine. And it was so traumatic. It was really intense. following the theme of the whole year for me. The intensity of it was a little bit overwhelming. So I spent most of that retreat actually re-traumatizing myself. And it was a good experience, but it was also a very, very difficult experience. And I went hoping that I would find answers, that I would be able to come back and know exactly what I needed to do or that I would be free of all my fear. But that wasn't the case. In fact, in a lot of ways, I was maybe more fearful than ever. I had some really good intentions and I did have some really good insights. But really, starting with the traveling home from Hawaii, it was really hard on me. If any of you have been to Hawaii, you know that some of the flights can be very, very difficult. You know, especially during the time of covid, there were hardly any flights. In fact, they canceled my flights and I was forced to reschedule at the last minute. So I ended up on these brutal redeye flights that went literally through the night. And on the way back, I was also on this really long flight between Honolulu and Dallas, Texas. I was trapped between these two giant islander's and I literally had no space. I was like crossing my arms in the sea just to not be crammed up against these big guys. And I couldn't sleep the whole night. And then I had a long layover in Dallas, followed by another long flight back to Salt Lake. By the time I got home, I was a mess. Physically, I felt like I was just completely empty. And I thought this had happened to me before. Back in June, I went through something similar, took a few weeks, my body bounced back. So I thought, OK, this is just going to last, you know, two or three weeks. They don't recover. And I can start implementing all this great stuff that I thought about while I was in Hawaii. But two or three weeks came and went and-- no recovery. --No recovery. In fact, it was getting worse. Well, and I think it's interesting because from like January to July, hang in there, we find the news. And I think this is how detrimental trauma is and stresses to the body. Right. Because now we get slapped with the C card and you're not sleeping. And now we're in trauma mode amped up. Right. And then things just went downhill super fast from-- It's probably important to mention that for most of the year-- you were doing great. I was probably only averaging about six, maybe five hours of sleep a night between all the stress of the business and the middle of the night panic attacks And covid like let's just think of it there. I mean, we haven't mentioned covid. Right. For us, covid was like a side note of the year. Hardly the highlight or the headline that most people have experienced. Right. The most annoying thing about covid for us is just all the inner carings that came out of people, you know, like everyone's grumpy. But actually it was really hard because we were going through our own stuff. But everybody's having a rough year. Yes, everyone's having a rough year. It's not been an easy year for people to feel charity. A lot of people have done it anyway, which is beautiful. So beautiful. But it's hard this summer. So anyway, you got back from that retreat and you were just so wrecked. Now we're in we're into September. And probably the lowest point t hey've ever been. So at this point, we still hadn't told family members. Britney knew your mom knew my parents hadn't even known. You guys, we've done this before. We've done the whole cancer journey shared on Facebook share with friends a nd it's exhausting. It's super exhausting because it's managing our stress and then other people stress around it. We just didn't want that. It's not because there is no shame in this road. It's just we are so tired, so tired. And we don't like negative mojo because as soon as people think cancer, they put a timeline on you. And we don't want that subconscious mojo headed at us. That's just icky. That was the number one thing for me. And this was very conscious on our part. Very conscious. Yes there was trauma, but honestly the number one reason was I did not want people's fear being placed on me and-- It's palpable. I do believe in that. That may make me weird, but I do believe that we co- create with each other we totally that means that the emotions that we place on to each other, they do have power, which is not to say that I can't override everybody else's negative energy if I'm positive enough. But I knew I wasn't there. Right. Right. I knew that I didn't have the ability to override a community of fear. And so we kept it to ourselves. Right. So anyway, September, he massively declined from Gutsy from August through to September. And I was scared shitless. There were times where I'm like, I don't know if he's going to make it to Christmas. It was really scary because at this point, you were so stressed and your hair started falling out in large clumps. I started seeing that in the shower. And I had this moment of, oh, my gosh, he's so stressed, his hair is even falling out. Well, here's what's interesting. I shifted from this terror type of fear. Desperate kind of fear, which was in a way scarier because it started to feel less like I'm scared of what's coming and more like I know what's coming. And that's really bad. Right. Right. Like this rejection of the future, but also a very clear vision of the future, which is in this case, not a good thing. So as far as I understand to everybody else was sensing that, too. Right. And we were getting a lot of questions, well Jaunique was getting a lot of questions. People apparently didn't want to talk to me about it. But people were worried about me. Yeah, they were. Long story short we somehow, how did we find out about this? Because, again, like, we're not talking to oncologists at this point. We're not getting scammed because we have-- no intention to either, because they had already told us they had done pretty much everything they could do for us. They had already told me that if I continue with chemo, which is literally the only tool that they might be able to extend my life a couple of months, there's experimental immunotherapies, but that's experimental. Trials where you have a 50 percent chance of getting a placebo. And even if you don't get the placebo, there's a pretty decent chance that you're going to get some really gnarly side effects that kill you anyway. And that's just not how we roll. Like, Tristin is not a lab rat. If I'm going to die, that's not how I'm going to choose to go out. Exactly. I don't care about their science enough to make myself a statistic for them. Exactly. And like Tristin said, they already told us four years ago, oh, he had two years to live, five at best, if you're lucky, that's what the words are " if you're lucky" If you're lucky. All they have is chemo and surgeries and radiation and things that just break down the body even more. And you really dig into the stats, especially with colorectal cancer, especially with rectal cancer. The chemo doesn't contribute all that. Oh, it's very low rates. Yep. And you're ready to do chemo and-- Ten percent, right? Yes. And the metastases never change. They never shrunk with the chemo like nothing. If anything, you just got more metastases on the chemo. Yeah. So once again, we're not the kind of people that are going to tell others . Don't you you ever do chemo? No. In our situation with what we were facing- What we had experienced, what we had researched with our circumstances, this is what we chose to do. It just was not the useful card for us to play. But what's interesting is we actually did interview quite a few doctors and just never felt that spark. And what's really funny too, is people say, oh, like supplements are expensive. This is expensive. Spend a thousand dollars with a consult with an oncologist that is specialized in health and you talk to them for forty five minutes, that's insult to injury. Some of our other cancer clients, they're like, yeah, to work with this doctor you have to pay eighteen thousand dollars per month just to be considered a client, a patient. T his is expensive and it's it's so sad because when you have cancer, you're so desperate, you're so desperate for that one thing that one saving grace, you'll pay anything, you'll sell whatever you have. And I don't give a shit how good your cure is. You have no business charging people so much money- so much money -that they basically are willing to take out a second mortgage on their home, that they are willing to sell out their children's college fund. They will literally give up everything to get this supposed cure. That's evil. It's super evil. This is what the chemotherapy companies are doing anyway. We've just figured out how to spread the costs out so that it's not obvious that that's what they're doing to us. Right, exactly. It makes me so mad. It's really evil. So anyways, we interviewed some doctors just you know, we're just like, no, do we go to Mexico now? What are the things to do? And again, we're still grappling for the emotional aspect. It's like, what can we find that can just help penetrate the subconscious deep enough to do enough damage control? So while I was in Hawaii feeling the trauma and feeling very unsafe in my body in the world, I had a conversation with someone that was very hopeful because I asked them, is there anything that can help? More like a gentle way, right? Is there something that can help me with the trauma, with the emotional aspect of it without traumatizing me? And someone actually did give me some useful information. They said, oh, there are some plants there called Heart Openers. And these plants might be more your speed. They are gentle they are for soft people. Yeah, We are soft people. I came home from Hawaii saying, OK, I need to find this. And you did. And I had a conversation with my sister who happened to know somebody, who knew somebody-- who knew someone. -who could connect me with some of these heart openers. But we had to wait like a month- and a few weeks. And then that's when September happened. So, we really like the one thing keeping me going through September was knowing that there was this thing that I know very little about, and probably won't be that helpful. But whatever. At least it's a possibility. That's something. I can hang on until the beginning of October. Yes. Now beginning of October happens, we're just in manic depression, anxiety mode. I'm hopeless, broken, both of us. You know, cure Tristin is just I can see him deteriorating before my eyes. I'm taking on his clients. I'm taking on my clients. I'm trying to run this business and trying to just keep everything at bay. Right. Right. And you end up at this retreat and talk about heart openers. We both did. We did. We didn't go this way. I went with him. And man, when they say heart opener, they're not even joking like this is the most power. And I need to remind you guys this is like has been so overshare, but I had been doing therapy for months, for months and months and months every week. And she brought up so much good stuff like, OK, your anger because of this and you have this because of this. I'm like, awesome. Now watch. Because I know in my brain, I know in my brain that something's wrong. Right. But energetically and in my heart, like, how do I shift this? Because it is so so deep and it's so, so painful. Right. And the knowledge is only half the battle. Yes. knowledge is half of it. Right. And then when you've been dealing with trauma for so many years, how do you get in your body and feel safe to move it out. Right. Because at this point we were just so out of body and running on anxiety fumes. It's like, OK, what's my to do list? Right. That's one of our downfalls is that we're both smart people. We're both very intelligent. And so we've always relied on our intelligence to solve the problems. Right. And that works to a degree that can help you be successful in school or business whatever it is, it doesn't do you a damn thing when it comes to matters of the heart. Right. So we were really fortunate to come across this particular modality. And what's really cool about it is that it is a group process, which, by the way, was terrifying to us. Yes, right. We are not extroverts. No. We set a room by ourselves to record these episodes and then you all get a lesson and. That's great. But if we had to do it in front of a thousand people- We shut down. I don't know if we would do that. So knowing that we are going to have to do this work in a group setting is actually very scary. Very scary. And once again, our our desperation was what got us over that. totally like a year prior, we've been like, no, thanks, but no, no. We were so desperate. We showed up to this retreat the first day and we were both scared out of our minds. We're in this house with fifty people. They all know and love each other. They're hugging and talking like best friends from childhood. We're sitting in a corner just looking at all going, is it too late for us to back out? Maybe we should just sneak away. But thank heaven we did it right because. It was the thing that we had been looking for, the thing that had been nagging at the subconscious on an emotional spiritual, all kinds of levels. This was that holy crap. This was such a heart opener a nd it's like the floodgates just exploded open. And it was like there was no coming back. There was just no coming back. And remember guys, trauma is embedded in your cells . Your cells and this particular modality. Oh my gosh. It was like there's no going back. Right. And it just kept pouring out and pouring out and pouring out . And I remember that night, I was even feverish. I was like shaking, like my body was shaking. And it felt like five years of therapy just crammed into five hours. And I was hollow. I was so hollow and I was so empty. And I was like, OK, where's my energy? What happened to the on switch? Because everything is completely out and depleted. It was it was the most intense work I've ever done. And I feel like it was the same for you. Right. Yeah, and to give you an idea of what exactly was happening, it's a group process. The people are actually where the healing happens. The the heart opener's, the plants are simply what help you feel safe enough to do that. Right. They were what stopped us from bolting and running for our lives. And the people where we were able to actually dig into this trauma and find a pathway out. Right. Right. And so Jaunique and I are both like practically catatonic. I mean, we're-- like our first night at the movies. But we're honestly, it felt like to me, like I was just being passed from person to person. And those people were saying exactly the things that I needed to hear. Well, and this is really beautiful, too, because, they were birthing us through this trauma and they could do it so well because they had done it too, like they had been in similar positions. And so we should probably fast forward because post this retreat, Tristin is now a different person. Even his coughing improved. I don't know about that. The coughing is very much still there. And I've gone through periods where it's better. It's better. It was really bad to the point where like when we got back from the street treat, your mom was like, man, Tristin is coughing even better. So it's always been there, but it was so bad at one point and then it just got better after that retreat. Yeah. So that was the start of it, right. It's hard to say that, oh, we went to do a retreat and then all of a sudden without a spotter. Right. But what it did do was it changed our trajectory f rom this inevitable tragic demise to a hopeful, beautiful potential. Right. And so I don't know I've done twelve since that one. Right. It's something that I try to do like every chance I get. But we've also started doing a whole bunch of other stuff. I don't know how much detail we want to go. We won't go into too much detail, just other therapies and kind of treatment protocols for mind, body spirit stuff that has been really beautiful. And what's been really great about it is that once the trauma was taken away from the driver's seat, so was no longer calling all the shots. We started finding ourselves coming across exactly the right people and exactly the right information in the exact moment when we needed it, because we were no longer making all our decisions from a place of fear b ut rather a place of love. We were presented with opportunities that never would have come to us before. Right. And so I think we should talk a little bit about what we are doing physically. Yeah,we will. I don't want people to get the impression that we've completely abandoned. No, no. Totally not. Kind of physical healing protocol. But I do want to mention this

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I do believe that there is a chemical and a somato emotional charge to all dis-ease and disease Thousand percent Disease is very symbolic in the body, depending on where it manifests and what it is. I do really believe in the emotional aspects of dis-ease and disease manifesting in your body. DefinetivelyAnd so that's why, yes, we have checked off all the the chemical boxes, right. Nutrition check,food check, juicing check, all of those things. But the reason why this year we've been so called to this matter emotional aspect is because why did this happen in the first place? Why did it come back? There's clearly something we didn't address. Tristin going from cancer to doing so amazing on the therapies to it coming and raging back and raging back in conjunction with the trauma. Yes, right. The trauma response. Because the trauma was never dealt with. It was never dealt with very deep. And then when you got sick, it triggered everything and it was just like a downhill from there. It was basically my body said, hey, this trauma, it's not working for me. There isn't space in here for this. So I'm going to make you so painfully aware of it that you either have to do something about it or you're going to die. Right, yes. That's why this year, this whole since we found out everything came back, it's like, OK, let's not look for those therapies in those treatments. Let's look at the the underlying emotional charge behind this and feels that. We tried a ton of stuff. It's not like we stopped all that. It just didn't have any effect because it was not what needed to happen at that point. Nothing could break through the trauma wall that was surrounding myself, so to speak Right totally. And once again, once we were able to shift that momentum and surround ourselves with people who helped us to feel safe. I think that's the right way to put that Right. And you guys, if you are like, hey, I need to deal with my trauma too, EMDR is an incredible therapy to like search out and start doing because.. I know a better one though. Are you going to mention it? Sanga. Sanga . W e're actually going to get that in our new clinic, songa therapy. At some point we will have that. We're going to do a podcast on it. That's something we've been doing and it's beautiful. We're going to get Kristy Warfel on to talk about. I know . I can't wait. She basically invented this whole modality. It is. We let her go into the DIY, but it is absolutely amazing. Now, I was doing tons and tons of research on my own on how to deal with all of this emotional stuff. And I came up with what I thought was this really beautiful plan. Then I went to Kristy after I met her and presented she was like , yeah, I know I've already created a whole thing that integrates that plus a bunch more. Yes. Like she already done it. Okay, well then I'm going to do that. It's super amazing and we can't wait to bring it in our new clinic when it opens next year. But we can't wait to tell you about it when we get our show . It's going to be so awesome. It's pretty insane. But so we're doing songa. Tristin is doing these healing retreats. He's getting so much like solid healing. You guys like so much healing. Both are great. Both of us, right. We didn't really talked about the experience of Juanique through all of this that much. We don't even talk about that. It's its own form of trauma, though, to be the primary caretaker of someone going through what I've been going through, because they end up basically carrying the weight of the world like someone had to make sure that our household continue to function, that our business continued to function and somebody needed to literally keep me alive when I was t hreatening to completely shut down. That's traumatic because who does that person go to when they need support? Right. And now we have that. We have so much amazing community support, right? And it's a beautiful thing. It's really beautiful. Which has freed us up to finally actually benefit from some of the different physical treatment systems out there l ike the enzymes. So it was really awesome, was OK, so we're doing all this emotional stuff and Ryan Blaser, our friend, is like, so I found that the person that you guys are here in Idaho and she's amazing and she trains all these doctors and I she owes me a favor. a nd she's not taking clients, but I'm going to see her. She'll take you guys on. And we're like, who is this person? Anyways, she was amazing. She's like, yeah, we need to get started right away. I'll take you on. She's got like such nurturing, like grandma vibes, but also like a little bit scary too. She's just direct. She's super direct. She's off in the blowoff, though. She cares more about your life t han your feelings. Exactly. So anyway, somehow miraculously we get in with her, start this enzyme therapy. It's called the Kelly enzymes, is that correct? For others. So this was not something new to me. I come across the Kelly protocol, which is using these really high power enzymes years ago, but the number of people that understand it well enough to do it the right way. Not many. There's not a lot of them out there. But this Pamela, she is the person that trains the doctors. she's like.. She basically was one of the co creators of this protocol a nd she spends all of her time training other doctors how to do it. Like doctors in Europe, doctors here. She's always talking about her European clients and doctors that she's training. So for her to be willing to take on an actual client is honestly a little bit miraculous. Right but she did. And once again, because everything was lining up for us, we had ourselves in the right place emotionally. So that opportunity was suddenly available. Which is beautiful. Yes. So long story short, what are you doing? You're doing the enzymes now. You're doing the coffee enema. sauna every day. Coffee enemas every day , sauna every day. And what's just what's interesting is when you started doing coffee enemas and sauna, that's when your voice started going away. So a few weeks ago, beforeI started the whole protocol, I started doing sauna and coffee enemas literally the next day my voice disappears. I don't know if it's related or not, but I thought I was going to be like a three day experience. Like I went on like- I think three days. -Which is a little bit frustrating, especially when I finally feel like I've got so much to say. So much to say. But it's actually been a really great lesson for me, because my tendency is to escape the discomfort of my experience by going outward and connecting with other people, talking to them about their experiences, helping them. Right and not going within and without checking in on Excuse me. What this has done is it has forced me to slow down because I literally the more excited I get, the worse it gets . So it forces me to slow down, calm down, stay internal and then work on me. Because obviously that's the most important thing right now. Right. So long story short, that's where we're at is we are doing this really incredible enzyme therapy, the Kelly protocol. If you are a cancer listener and you are interested, one of Pamela's students, his name is Dr. Eric Wood, and the Columbia student is not very active No, because they co-wrote a book together that's coming out next-year. She trained him and he is very much an expert. She she says he is her top students are one of them. And so Dr. Eric Wood N.D or M.D., I can't remember. He is a Naturopath. So I think his website is Dr. D-R. Eric, would Andy Dotcom or something? Maybe is an M.D. So if you guys I can't remember, but just Google him and if you want, you can set up a free fifteen minute phone call with him to talk about it and see if it's a good fit for you and If are interested in it, but-- Obviously we're not endorsing this because we've only just now started. I have no idea what the outcome is going to be however, I can say that already-- your feeling stuff. I'm not even a weekend, and stuff is happening. Yeah. It's been really intense. It's it's really kicked your ass. Yes it has. And it's really cute too, especially when I was like, hey can because she says OK, start dosing enzymes with one seven times a day. And I'm like, can he do two. And she's like, if you want him to be very uncomfortable then yes. And I'm like, OK. And then she says to me, she's like, you also need to go and get some trauma therapy done, because that question tells me a lot about where you're at right now. She's really adorable and like we said, very direct. And so no, it's a very powerful and therapy. And yes, we talk with Pamela every week and we change protocols and she's tracking labs and amino acid profiles. And we're just we're taking it one week at a time. So here's here's the good news so far. We've done a bunch of testing recently. Which goes we're at the start of this new protocol and we will kind of get our baseline and there's a lot of good stuff. Yeah. My trajectory, like I said, leading up to the beginning of October was bad downhill very rapidly. But the tests that we just got back today, well looked at today, I'm stable. Super stable. And things have stabilized. They have not gotten worse in some areas. They've gotten better. Which is really great news. And that's before we actually started this protocol. Which means that the benefits I've just had are almost purely from the emotional. The emotional aspect. Totally, It's so awesome. The other thing is I did a GI effects, which is a stool sample test. Really cool. And by the way, if you ever want to get a really deep view at what's gooing in your gut h ighly recommended. No information, which is a very little information, right, which was a big relief because one of the big fears with this cancer recurrence is that it's going to recur and then ... And that's a really good sign that that's not happening . It's not a guarantee, obviously. But no, inflammation is a great, great sign. Yes. And so there's been a lot of really positive things that have been happening. Obviously, we're still really stressed, but overall, just tons of hope and Tristin job right now is to just lay low and work on his body and work on his healing and just create warm fuzzy's around him wherever he goes like a bubble of love and positivity. So I'm living in a distortion field right now. What are you talking about? I mean that literally my life is not normal. I am very, very, very blessed. And that that's one of the really cool things looking back over this year, as difficult as it has been, you can see how everything was lined up perfectly-- I know. --To enable things to be the way they are now and the fact that I don't have to anymore spend all my time working on the business to keep it going is really miraculous because a year ago there was nothing. No, we couldn't afford to hire anyone to do it for us. Months ago without would not have been able to happen. And it literally happened the moment that we needed it to happen. Totally. Which is absolutely beautiful. That's it. I think that's right. There you go, guys. So if you have been watching and you've been seeing how like disorganized we are and like-- If you've noticed that I have massively faded from the podcast over the last few months, it's not because I lost interest. No. It's because I -- taking care of you. --Just don't have the space and I don't have the voice. So now I sit on the interviews silently, not because I have nothing to say, but because it's too much work to say it literally like text Jaunique.. It's true. So I guess we just wanted to pour out our hearts and our souls to you guys to just I feel like sharing authentically is so important. And to just show you, like we're still learning and we're still figuring it out. But massive thank you to everyone who still listens, people who support our business like and we're not the perfect business you guys like. W e're trying to figure out the organization and the shipping and oh my gosh, the shipping. There's a lot of chaos but.. We're fixing it because we want you guys to have a better user experience with our company, but we just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who supports us. And you shop small and you appreciate the products and the information and you love it, because really our heart and our soul is all about giving good information and excellent products because you deserve it. You deserve the best of the best without the B.S. and the fake marketing and the most important thing to companies being the dollar sign a t the end of the day. That is not where our heads and our hearts are at. And honestly, like it means the world to us that you trust what we have to say. It means the world to us that some of you actually follow through with everything that we recommend. And it means the world to us that you tell us about your wins, because we need that. We love the wins, you guys. Oh, my gosh. They just recharge us so much and the best wins, not the best because there's so many great, but some of the most like amazing wins people I've never met, people that I've never walked into a clinic and they just took some advice from a podcast and they implemented it and it's changed their life. They got results. That's what it's all about. It's just about giving information to people so you can feel like you have the means to make informed decisions over your body because you guys, your body is the most incredible gift that will ever be bestowed to you in this lifetime. It is. It's the thing that has been with you since the day you were born, and it's the thing that will be with you until you die. Even family come and go. They will never be with us foreve never. Not even a mom, dad or sibling. No one. It's just you. It's this literally this meat sack that your soul resides in. Y ou're this walking talking like meat. This piece of meat, and it's the most miraculous thing that has ever been given to us. And just it does billions of processes for you a day without you even having to think about it. The fact that you are sitting listening to this podcast means that your body is gifting you with life and you might be in pain and you might be uncomfortable right now. But there's so many things your body has been doing with you in spite of the stress, in spite of the traumas, in spite of the abuse that we put in our bodies, in spite of the negative messages that we give it, in spite of the demands that we give it. It always shows up. And that's what, you know, even in Tristin situation-- Especially. --Especially interesting situation, you know, we can sit here and yes, there's cancer in his lungs. And, yes, he has a hard time getting upstairs. And yes, there's all of these other things. But the miracle that we focus on or try to, you know, and on the holidays is you're sitting here and you're still breathing. And you can still hold your children. You can still talk to us. You can still snuggle about some going, we can still snuggle . You're not in pain. No. You've bring any headaches this week. And we think it's enzymes. But there's no pain. I've I've had to work really hard on my relationship with my body. There has not been- That hasn't been easy. -something that came naturally to me ever in my life. And I have been working especially hard on that over the last really recent while. And I can tell you it makes a difference. It makes such a difference to be able to appreciate your body, to see its strengths and not just its flaws. To believe in it and to trust it. We have a really dear friend of a magical person, and he has this saying that he always shares with people, which is just tell your body I love you I am listening, to tell your heart I love you I'm listening. . And if you can do that, your body will tell you what it needs and wants. Well, it has been for years. Our bodies tell us. They've been telling us for years and years. Think of when you were a teenager and you would get bloated after meals or you had hormonal imbalances. Your body has been talking to you ever since you can remember but we just didn't listen. But we let doctors talk for usTo our bodies. And the message that they told our bodies was shut up and take some hormone, shut up and take some ibuprofen. That's the message we give our bodies. Yeah, we learned to override the messages from our bodies. And so our bodies eventually stopped speaking to us. And that's when we think we're doing fine. We're not in pain. Right, or our bodies went from whispering to yelling and then we get insulted. Right. You're like, my body has let me down. My body has done this to me. I'm now a prisoner of my body. Meanwhile, the body has been saying "I've been talking to you for so long". Right. Right. So this this isn't a shame . anyone want to be like, why aren't you listening? Because just as we haven't been listening for a year, here we are like I have been listening for a long long while. We're like "Cancer? What are you talking about?" This can't be cancer We thought that we could be my body into submission. Right. First through chem and then through that the- - The radiation and. Well, and even the hyperbolically like, I really believed that if I could just pay on enough therapeutic stuff into my body that I would beat it into submission. I would say, OK, fine, OK, the cancer. Meanwhile, my body had very different ideas and it was telling me all along, hey, trauma. Dealwith the trauma. Right, deal with the stress. Now I'm finally listening and we are seeing bounds and leaps of improvement over where we've been for a long time. Exactly. So, we have no idea where this ends of course. That's a whole other part of this process, which is I'm making friends with death because regardless of how we go, we all go. And we don't really get to decide when we go. We don't. So figuring that piece out is also extremely important. But there's hope and optimism and all kinds of beautiful stuff going on. Right. I do want to say I mean, I think we're probably finishing up now, but I do want to say that, yes, this has been the worst year probably of our lives. Oh, yeah. And it's been the best year of our lives. That feels so weird to say. Almost like it's like, how could I even appreciate this? But this has been the most beautiful, hardest journey we have ever embarked on and it keeps getting better and better and better and from extreme darkness and like hitting the rock bottom of rock bottom and feeling so much despair and helplessness and just so much anxiety too. I thought I hit rock bottom five different times this year. No, it just got different deeper and deeper. Rock bottom got deeper and deeper. I was dragging along the rocks for months. It's been rough, but the contrast is what actually gives life its joy. Right. Without the darkness, without the rock bottom, there would be no light there soaring in the clouds. Yeah. There's been a lot of collateral beauty on this, this journey a lot. And we're so very grateful and we're very open now. We're just everything makes sense. We finally have enough people around us that believe in us, believe in my body that we're willing to share this publicly. Right. Because we no longer fear. Whatever anxiety other people have for me. Right. So we welcome it and and we get you like you're probably experiencing your own form of health anxiety of one form or the other. Right. It's okay, t here are people that understand that. Yes. There is one more thing I want to say to any of our cancer listeners out there. We did close down the cancer consults this year while we were going through this. And we got a lot of really angry emails. And we just want to say we're sorry we couldn't show up for you, we couldn't show up for ourselves like we were in the midst of trauma. And just talking about case loads of cancer just put us in a massive it's really interesting because there have been so many consults this year where I'm sitting in a console and I'm literally having a panic attack while doing like an intake. And so someone's health and or I'm going over labs or and I'm literally sweating. And in my head, I'm like, I'm so glad. These are video calls over the Internet, because if we were in person, they could probably see my body vibrating from my heart beating so fast and me sweating. So we're sorry because of what we've been going through. I do feel like we have let people down that have been wanting to talk with us. But and there's been a lot of angry people that are like, well, I want to schedule Juanique and or Tristin. And they're booked 2 months ago and now we're taking time off so that we can just focus on this. And now you know why. But now you know why. Now you know why. It's hard to show up for other people's healing when I couldn't even show up for Tristin. But we're trying to balance it because you guys are important to us. Your your healing journeys are important to us. And we have incredible wellness counselors that you can schedule with at Provo Health. They are fantastic. And if they're ever stumped on a case, they just text us, you know, and we go through that with them but.. You better believe that depending on how this whole deal goes for me, once I get to the other side of it, I will be sharing a promise like that when I will share everything, and I'm going to be ready to provide that to people. I couldn't do that before. One of the ways I knew that I wasn't listening to my body was that I kept doing these cancer consultations and traumatizing myself. And it would ruin my week, like you would put me in a dark place for a long time. Right. And that was because I hadn't dealt with my own trauma. Now that's finally happening. So now we will finally when we get there b e ready to hold space for others and to provide some of that same insight and then show the light at the end of the tunnel for other people. Absolutely. I know it sounds so insulting to be like I'm grateful for cancer. I am, I'm grateful for this journey. It's been hard and it's been beautiful and it's been refiner's fire times 10. But there has been so many beautiful moments. And I just I can't help but sit here in gratitude for the lessons and being in such a desperate state that I would be willing to try these insane things. Thank God that they worked so grateful for all of these beautiful modalities that we've come across, these beautiful people like wise people. Yeah. Yeah. But we really we had to jump off the proverbial cliff to get there. And honestly, it was like less than 50 percent chance that we would find ground. Yeah, right. But yeah, brace yourself for the cringe. But I wouldn't change a minute of it. I wouldn't. I mean, I would. I would. Because every single step, every single panic attack was necessary to get on the path that we're on now, and it keeps getting better and better now. Right. What's really interesting is even Pamela, the doctor that we're working with, she was like, your number one thing is to work on the stress and the trauma. She's like, health literally turns around once you deal with trauma. And we're like, yeah, we're working on it. We're doing all the trauma stuff right now. So that's like really weird like 50 percent of our energy goes is to just working on the stress and the self care and the trauma-- And the and the community. I keep saying this, but like, find yourself a beautiful community because they can make all the difference in the world. Every social interaction I have is therapeutic now. t hat was not the case for me three months ago. Yeah. So you guys, thanks for listening. I hope that if you're still listening, I don't know. People probably turn out like this. Might have been a little bit self-indulgent, but it's therapy for us. I t's getting it out there. This isn't the season finale. There's still episodes coming up. We've been interviewing a lot of guys and Tristin had his sexy recipe nonexistent voice. So you're going to be hearing a lot of podcasts with Sexy Voice Tristin. And there's more to come and regardless, we'll just keep going like the information isn't going to end the-- and we'll keep updating you, you know, as we have updates to give. Yeah. So, you know, the cliffhanger is Tristin cancer is back. But season three is just my.. And this really has been the most beautiful journey ever . I am super grateful for everything that we've learned and everything that we've been forced to learn, you know, like-- Ripple effects on the world around us. People who had no interest whatsoever in what we're doing are benefiting from this. So it's wonderful. You know, let's just think of 2020 and the lemons that we have been giving you guys. I truly believe that we can always make lemonade, there's always a way to make lemonade out of hard situations . And if everything was easy, we wouldn't need to grow. We wouldn't need to learn. We wouldn't like sometimes we have to get so uncomfortable to have like sometimes that space of discomfort is the only catalyst that can move us. I know you always --it's always. Growth always requires leaving your comfort zone. It does. So if you haven't been uncomfortable for a long time, take a close snap at what's going on. But also to you guys, I do hope that not like before and I realize this is my trauma response to where it's like don't let this happen to you. You can get cancer. Look at these statistics. Everything is scary. The world is a terrible, scary place and we're all going to get sick. I don't want to come from that place anymore. I want but I want to share the story and I want to kindly encourage you to take charge now before you get so uncomfortable. Let our experience be your catalyst doesn't have to be your experience. But I don't want to be the catalyst of fear. I want it to be the catalyst of this is important like and that you are worth it. The investment now is so, so worth it. You know, it's that saying a ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure, and that is 100 percent true. So that's that's why we're here. Because if we can just save one person from this kind of like soul wrenching pain and discomfort and trauma, it's all worth it, all worth it. So you guys, thanks for being here. Thanks for being along our Gutsy health journey and it's always a journey. We're always journeying. We're always just learning and growing and learning to be experts in our bodies and our health. I'm excited for the the path where this is all going to go as we incorporate more mind, body, soul stuff. It's just going to be really beautiful. And we can't wait to share that with you guys because it's so important. And I've said a few times, I wish we started there with the mind body, but they're all important. We still had stuff to learn. We still have stuff to learn. We love you guys . Thanks for listening. Honestly some of the best moments over this last year, even during the darkest times, we're talking to you, working with you-- working with you guys. --Helping you and being helped by yourself. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much for being a part of this for us. Thank you for your patience with us as we go through this. And we we selfishly take more time to ourselves and our family. Thank you for constantly supporting us, constantly sharing the podcast constantly sharing your inspiring stories with us and your friends and your family. It takes a village I t takes a village to change the culture of health, to change the culture in our children, our families, our communities. And I hope that we see and the changes, they're going to come from the bottom up. They're not going to come from the top down. It's going to come from us. Yes. Like you, your neighbor, your friends, your family. It's going to be the people that are going to have to make those changes. And we can all do that lovingly. We can all change ourselves, our children, our communities. Just one small conversation at a time. So thank you for being here. Thank you for practicing those hard conversations. We'll talk to you soon. We love you. And Merry Christmas. I think this is going to come out before our birthdays and Christmas. So we have a very good Christmas you guys. Bye