There are no words, I feel like the experience itself is beyond anything that you can ever imagine - Madiha S

The inner healing journey is one that is often challenging and difficult because it means you have to face yourself.

In this episode motivational speaker and podcaster Madiha Sosan talks about the power of inner healing and speaks about the experience she has had of physically purging out her emotions after a difficult life and events that left her with crippling anxiety.

Madiha, a passionate advocate of personal growth and spirituality, shares her story in this funny yet wise episode of her truth.

Find out more about Madiha here. 

Guest: Madiha Sosan
Host: Urmi Raval 
Sound Editor: Maja Pronko 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:01

Welcome to Eternal Paradigm. Together we're uncovering human experience by exploring physical, mental, emotional and spiritual stories. With me, your host, Ermi Ravel. Hello, I hope you're enjoying your journey to find you. Welcome to this episode of Eternal Paradigm. And so as we head into this episode, I just wanted to give you a little bit of a heads up as to what's happening, what could be happening, what's in the pipeline, and just really to catch up with you. It's been a week, obviously, since we last spoke, unless you have been one of those new listeners or a listener who is listening to episodes back to back while you're out on these tremendous walks in nature. which I wholeheartedly recommend I mean there is such an incredible value in doing that which we all know because the science tells us about it but you know when I'm actually talking to clients and when I'm also in a state of meditation the connection to nature and the connection to understanding how much we represent aspects and energies of the universe is actually so profound that I'm pretty much high at the end of any meditative practice so I just wanted to share that with you because if you're not there yet, that's absolutely cool. You're exactly where you need to be. But if you do want to talk a little bit more about entering this kind of flow state or getting to this Zen zone or getting high naturally, just from being in absolute connection to nature and to really, really accept that you are the universe. Get in touch. I'm pretty sure we could have a conversation and maybe even a meditation. This episode, so I've realized when I'm actually doing this, when I'm actually talking, I have this horrible habit of clicking my tongue. And I was listening to episodes back. So when guests and people come back to me, they're like, oh, I really didn't like listening to myself. I understand where they're coming from. I understand where you're coming from. Because listening to yourself back into one of these recording things is actually really awesome. And then when you actually see a video of yourself or a picture of yourself and then it just gets even more weird and there's a whole process you know because we are our own worst judge and jury and critic and it can get very loud when you're so down on yourself so I am actually listening back to podcast episodes just to refine myself And I've realized that I have really irritating voice techniques. So I'm sorry, I'm inflicting them on you. Thank you for listening to my levels of irritation. So I also say so a lot, but I'm hoping that a lot of this is tidied up. On a totally unrelated note, I ordered these amazing, amazing vegan candles. It's like a grounding kit, and it's from the Vegan Bunny, and I would really check them out online if I was you. It's like a family company. They're based in the UK, and they do these, well, vegan candles, really. And I got the grounding kit and I got a blanket. And right now in the UK, yes, it's getting pretty warm. But I am one of those people that in the morning, when it gets to about 15, 16, 17 degrees, that's when I'm like, okay, it's getting a little bit warmer. Sometimes even up until 20 degrees, I will still have a blanket, my woolly home slippers on. And right now, as I'm recording this with you, the temperature outside is 22 degrees and I have my hot water bottle. But you know what? It's okay. Yesterday was an important day because it was the lunar eclipse. Anyone who's into moon cycles has picked up that I do tend to drop in and out of talking about moon cycles in my episodes and generally tend to do things in the cycle of the moon because it's so valuable. And as I keep saying, I've said it before and I'll say it again, we are cyclical beings. We are so connected to the cycles. Some of us are aware of it. Some of us are moving towards this awareness and others still haven't fully understood that. And that's okay. Hey, that's where you need to be. I don't know if I've gone off on a tangent and I think I have. So I'm going to take it back to where it needs to be. Before I go into this episode, I have to do plugging the socials, guys. And I have to put my hands up here. I've been a bit slack. actually getting around to plug on socials and to just generally give you guys updates on what's going on. So Instagram has been pretty flat. Facebook, I am still getting around to it. But the reason for that, guys, is because It is just me. And I actually have 12 other jobs that I do in addition to the podcast, which I love. And I want to keep doing it because it really, really is absolutely amazing. So stick with me. If there's something on the socials that isn't there, just let me know. Get in touch. If you see something, and I've had some amazing people reach out to kind of see how we can move things forward. So I posted on Instagram just the other day that a rebrand of Eternal Paradigm is in the pipeline. Yes, I'm actually kind of doing a little bit of a dance right now. And I hope you're joining me too. So pipelines, we've got a rebrand coming. The website is still an ongoing project. Still there on Facebook, still there on Instagram. And obviously we have the group. We now have 27 people in the Eternal Paradigm Facebook group. Come and join us. I am a little bit more active on that group just because I can be. The socials are all going to be overhauled, checked, well, overhauled, reviewed, I should say. Just really, really to show the growth of the podcast and also to show this incredible energy that the guests and the listeners, that you guys all bring to it because it is absolutely profound. And so while I have finished on the stuff that I have to do, I also wanted to kind of give you a heads up on this topic. episode because it is really, really important. My guest in this episode is a fellow podcaster. And when you start to connect with different people and you start to listen to openly, and when I mean listen to, guys, this is really, really important. I don't mean just listening with your ears. I mean listening with your being, listening with your heart, listening with all that you are. They are very different skills. And when you start doing that, you really begin to see others shine. And it's absolutely phenomenal. I mean, I'm on this kind of thing where I really, really, apart from the fact that when I'm talking to my guests, I am in this incredible state because it's so phenomenal because these people, these beings are just incredible. And so are you for listening. When I was talking to Madiha, she has this amazing story, which is her life. And so much of her life, she wasn't in control. And if you go back, a few episodes. Quite early on, I spoke to an amazing psychologist or the gritty therapist that she calls herself on socials. I spoke to Prachi S. Vaish and we spoke about trauma. And it's really important, actually, if you listen to that episode with Prachi about trauma, it's a great precursor into Madia's story because it really sets out so many things that we take for granted as people. I don't want to venture too much into Medea's story, but in terms of what I was really interested in, in really understanding from her was this concept of the journey, the inner healing journey, which is something she talks about, but also how much we ourselves as humans care. have trapped emotions because we have become so disconnected from understanding the importance that emotions play in our lives. And we're conditioned to believe that emotions are these wayward, wild, kind of feral children that we shouldn't be paying attention to. The problem is we do need to pay attention to them because when you suppress them and you hide them, they show up and your logical mind does not know how to deal with them This is why we are seeing this incredible increase globally of mental health unwellness. Medea's story is just, you'll understand why she's inspirational. She's so incredibly humble and is such an incredible energy to be around. And I am so grateful to have connected with her. As you go on, you will hear her talking. But my main thing that I was really, really interested in is in this concept of purging that Medea experiences and she speaks about. And she asks the most powerful question. And generally speaking, I can tell you that back in another world that I used to I genuinely can tell you, I don't think I ever asked myself this question. I would urge you to really listen to what she has to say. Her story is her experience. And just a reminder that the whole point of this podcast and the whole point of these incredible guests who share their stories is to ask you, are you listening to you? Have you asked yourself these questions? And are you where you want to be? Because questions, are the most powerful thing. The downside is, is many of us are actually scared of the answers or we've preempted what the answers are going to be. And then we go into a state of shock. Well, I'm going to say this to you, flip it around. Because when you put the right questions out there, you're open to the immensity and the amazingness of the answers. Now I'm going to head on over, leave you with my incredible guest for this week. And remember, get in touch, DM me, leave comments on socials. I would absolutely love to hear from you. Take care.

SPEAKER_02: 11:15

Thank you so much for having me. I am Dias Lawson and I am a motivational speaker.

SPEAKER_01: 11:22

Motivational speaker. This is really important. Okay, this is quite a pivotal point. And when you say motivational speaker, your kind of motivational speaking comes from a culmination of your life experiences and unraveling them and understanding them. What I also want to put out there is a lot of your experiences are available for people to listen to either on your podcast or through catching up with you and seeing what other podcasts you've been on. But if you would just round up what life has been like for you, up until this point.

SPEAKER_02: 11:58

It's a long story.

SPEAKER_01: 12:04

I carefully said, can you round up? It's like, how are you supposed to do that? There's

SPEAKER_00: 12:12

so much.

SPEAKER_02: 12:12

Maybe we can take it in clusters.

SPEAKER_00: 12:15

Yeah,

SPEAKER_02: 12:15

exactly. So basically, I'll start off with where I'm originally from. I was born in Pakistan and Life in Pakistan was extremely difficult. We didn't have any money and my parents were struggling. My mom had hepatitis C and B attacks. My dad kind of moved to the UK when I was around three to create a better life for us because obviously you know in Pakistan if you don't have money you are going to struggle in that part of the world. We are so grateful in England we have NHS that you know our care is free no matter what people say about NHS we still have a free service right but in Pakistan you have to pay for it even if it's the most chronic and life-threatening condition you have to pay and people who don't have money they struggle quite bad. So we were living with my grandma. My mom couldn't look after me or my grandma. So, you know, my grandma was elderly. So me and my mom moved to my auntie and her husband's place while my dad was in the UK and my grandma moved to my other uncle's place. That was basically life. And I didn't see my dad for four years. You know, I did move to the UK at the age of seven, but in between was quite difficult because my mom was in and out of hospitals. I've always seen my mom ill. School in Pakistan was quite difficult. quite difficult as well because there was one teacher she was quite abusive every single day she would get me in front of the class and she would ask me to read something and if I made a mistake then she would punch me in front of all the children in the class and she would slap me she was quite abusive she used to hit me with rulers and every time she would you know come over to me I remember getting really scared of this authoritative sort of figure and she would read what I've written now I was what like probably five, six, you know, like if I've written a really, if my text was really bad, I mean, it would be for a five or six year old, right? If it was really bad, she would get my hand out and she would hit me with rulers. She would just insult me. It's like, what the hell have you written? That is junk. That is crap. And she would hit me and she would send me out of the class. So I used to be so afraid of going to school. And I remember, like, whenever I used to wake up in the morning, my heart used to be racing so fast. I used to probably have anxiety. You know, I was like, I don't want to go. And my family didn't understand why I was doing that. They said, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. This teacher, I don't like this teacher. I don't like this teacher. teacher in the morning I used to hide under the bed and they used to run after me with clothes I used to like just run everywhere so I don't want to go to school and they thought I was just a naughty child but I was actually afraid to go to school that was my life in Pakistan really it was quite intense

SPEAKER_01: 15:02

yeah no of course and there's so much going on because your immediate family is already in a difficult place. And there are so many factors. There's poverty, there's health. And, you know, we're seeing this now nationally with the pandemic in countries where healthcare isn't so available. And we are so fortunate to be here that the pain is horrific. And then on top of it, you're going to school and you're being treated, you're being pushed out there to be made like a spectacle of in front of the class. So your anxiety and your pressured environment is from the get-go.

SPEAKER_02: 15:38

From the day I was born.

SPEAKER_01: 15:42

Yeah, yeah, from the day you're born. You're born into this. So when you came to the UK, what was school like? Because that in itself must have been on top of everything else, coming to the UK. You're not seeing your dad for that period of time. And then obviously with your mum being unwell, what was school like for you here? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:02

I moved to the UK when I was seven. We still obviously struggled with money, right? So school like here, it was really difficult at first because I didn't speak any English, which meant I didn't have any friends. The teachers were nice here, but for me, I was afraid of them, really terrified of them. So for months and months and months, I used to cry in school and the teacher didn't understand what was going on. My parents didn't understand what was going on. I didn't understand what was going on. You know, I wasn't even that consciously aware of the whole, why I was crying, why I was afraid of this authoritative figure. I remember like, After crying all day in school, my principal had a meeting with my parents and they brought me into the meeting. And so my principal was just basically saying, if she doesn't stop crying, then we're going to have to put her into special needs school because it's not normal for a child to just cry all day in school. They were just worried about what was going on. Did I have any mental health conditions or what was going on? But it was just the trauma of the teacher in Pakistan. Now I understand it. You know, at that time, they didn't understand it. It was difficult at first, but then I quickly adjusted quickly. I even became a captain of my cricket team and I was the only girl in boys team. Became a captain and yeah, I was quickly adjusted to the teachers here. It was just, I recognised the teachers were nice and gentle

SPEAKER_01: 17:34

here. I like the fact that you're just like captain of the cricket team. It's like staying true to Pakistani roots and going no I'm ruling this that is the only way to do things right yeah yeah and so tell us more because we have spoken before and one of the things that really stood out for me in your journey is the whole physical release of letting go of the trauma and the process of really piecing it together, unraveling it, and putting it in a place where it makes sense. Now, all of this is actually kind of underpinned by, let's call it your spiritual awakening, or this pivotal moment where everything made sense, that you stepped into, you found, you found yourself surrounded by the ultimate light. Tell us more about that. Should I talk about my journey to it first?

UNKNOWN: 18:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 18:33

Yes, that would make logical sense, obviously. I'm just running ahead of myself because I'm like, I want to hear all of it.

SPEAKER_02: 18:40

Right, yeah, perfect. So basically, you know, when I moved to the school, life was adjusted, but then we were still struggling with money. My dad was working multiple jobs, trying to create a better life for us. And my mom was in and out of hospital still. You know, our living conditions weren't very good. We rented a private, it was a private rented house. We only had one bed and one heater in the living room so my mom and dad gave me the bed while they slept on the floor and that was our life for two years that period of my life it was really blissful because even though we did not have money even though we were struggling in life it was blissful because we were with each other You know, I was reunited with my dad. We used to play cricket in the park together. And, you know, we sit around the heater, play board games, Ludo or like the carrom boards, you call them Pakistan. And yeah, it was just nice. I realized like you don't need to have a lot of wealth or money to live a happy life, right? We moved to Lemon's Room here in Manchester because I got admission in girls' high school. Again, the living conditions were really worse off because we were desperate to get a place and we ended up in a place where it was half complete. There was rats everywhere and it was just not perfect living conditions. And my dad, back end of leaving Bury, because we were living in Bury before, back end of leaving Bury, he was diagnosed with cancer in his bladder. That period of my life around the age of 12, 13 was just really difficult. I was getting bullied in school throughout the year. And at home, I would see my dad like literally roll on the floor in pain of cancer. And, you know, it was just, it was just really horrific to see. And, you know, they did an operation on him after like a couple of months because they removed his blood and he had his bag removed. And then they said, well, the cancer's gone from your bladder. It's okay. He came back again three months later and he came back with a bang in his bowel and then he spread everywhere. He just literally died within a year. You know, throughout all of this, whatever was happening, my parents, because they wanted to protect me, they did not tell me the full extent of his condition. They said, yeah, it's a cancer. It will get better. It's a mild one. Doctor said. he will get better. But the doctors were telling my parents that he only has a year or two to live. But my parents were telling me that he's going to be completely okay. So I was basically walking around thinking my dad was going to be okay. I was only, what, 13, 12, 13 and, you know, didn't realize the impact of cancer. It was only until when one day my dad was really ill and he was admitted in hospital. This was a month before he passed away and it was only a couple of days before he passed away my mom came and it's like everyone was rushing around in the house my cousins were at her house as well no one told me anything they were just like oh he's fine he's fine now i had a fear of going to hospital i used to have an anxiety so my dad said not to come to the hospital i will speak to you on the phone so i spoke to him every day on the phone thinking he's gonna get treated and i was just in my own little world it's like yeah dad's getting better i'm just gonna focus i'm gonna do this that here there Yeah, so a couple of days before he passed away, my mom just, everyone was rushing around and my mom looked stressed. Everyone was looking stressed. And I was like, okay, what is going on? And that was the moment when my mom actually sat me down and she said, your dad's only got a couple of days to live. He stopped breathing. I was like, what? I just spoke to him on the phone a couple of days ago and he was completely fine. And you're telling me he's going to be dying in the next like couple of days? It was like a complete shock. I probably just felt like I left my body at that point because it was, I was in a complete state of shock. I eventually did go to the hospital to see him. And I remember walking into the room and the state of him was horrible. His bones was showing, it was the cancer was eating him up and bones were showing. He had long beard growing. It's like his face was really thin. It's like, I couldn't even recognize who my dad was, you know? That was the moment where, I don't know, I just felt like I was guided, something in me guided me to just say it, that dad, if I've ever hurt you in any way, please forgive me. He just smiled and he just basically said, you're my child. That was the last conversation I had with my dad and I didn't I remember just running out of the hospital as fast as I can. I just went and sat at the park. And at that time, we had their Macmillan nurses. So they're basically a charity that help people going through cancer and their families. And we had a volunteer there, and he came running after me. And he just sat with me. And I just, in that moment, I just, you know, when you're in a really shocked state, you just go completely numb. He just sat with me for ages and ages and ages. And It was like I was unable to express anything that was happening around me. It was all way too quick, like everything was happening quick. And then my dad passed away a couple of days later. When he passed away, I was just completely okay, you know. Everyone came to pay respects. I was just bubbly, laughing. It was like my brain wasn't processing it at all. it was slowly coming in but it's not coming in at all and then when they left a couple of days after I just completely and then I realized oh wait hold on my dad did actually pass away.

SPEAKER_01: 24:35

I'm really really sorry to hear that and one thing that tends to happen in life experiences like this where we lose a loved one in the way that you've experienced there were generally lots of Almost like, you know, lots of people will say things like, oh, time will help and all of these different things happen and people share their well-meaning wisdom and help with you. Just going back to where you said your parents didn't actually tell you the full story of what was going on. So on a conscious level, you're operating on a level of trust because your parents are telling you everything's fine. And they're the people you trust, so obviously that's how it's going to be. But on a subconscious level and on an energetic level, you're still absorbing and fully, fully connecting with the undertones of the truth, of the reality, of the absolute essence of that situation. So when you're then faced in this situation and you're feeling numb, and then your next process is acceptance of that realisation, Was that almost like a form of going into autopilot for you?

SPEAKER_02: 25:50

Yeah, it was like my body was in a survival mode, just like, hold on, you know, not to don't do anything, you know. So it was autopilot. So I was just operating in releasing a more happy emotions at that moment rather than actually feeling

SPEAKER_01: 26:10

into it. Do you feel from your experience that that was... going to happen regardless or do you think that happened because throughout the course of your life your parents had said to you it's okay everything's fine everything's secure and actually when it came to that point where things weren't okay your immediate reaction is to go into everything's fine mode I'm in autopilot I'm happy or not happy but at least in a place where I'm not grieving. or allowing that to happen?

SPEAKER_02: 26:40

Yeah, I mean, it's always been the case with my parents. It's like anything bad's happening, let's just not talk about it. Let's not express our feelings, emotions about it. So what happens is, obviously, when you suppress your feelings and emotions, you put a guard up. So when this whole thing was happening in our household, even though they were saying these things, energetically, internally my soul was feeling that something was up but i was not consciously looking into it you can feel the dense energy you can feel that dark energy in the household because it's what it's real no matter how happy you look normally if you're an empath because like normally empaths are sponge for people's emotions you can walk into a room and you can feel their emotions and feelings, as if it's your own. So when our household was completely putting a cover on the negative emotions and the sadness and everything, I was feeling it densely, which is why I was starting to suffer from anxiety, because I was picking it up on

SPEAKER_01: 27:55

an energetic level. I totally resonate with that. I guess I'm an empath in the fact that I'm fully clairsentient, so I can fully... connect with people's thoughts in those moments as well as their emotions. So when you talk about the anxiety, that was a huge factor in your life that was there from so early on. And how did that change your life? How did that stop you from really allowing your soul to shine through?

SPEAKER_02: 28:25

Basically, you know, after my dad passed away, my mum was already ill six months after he passed away. she had a severe rheumatoid arthritis attacks. Though now she has hepatitis B, C and severe rheumatoid arthritis. So from the age of 14, I became her young carer because I'm the only child. Now, I've been caring for my mom for 15 years. That was my caring responsibility because she had no body. You know, she was when I remember early days of her illness, her fingers and toes were swelling up really bad. And like, you know, her fingers were like bending really, really fast and doctors were quiet. What is like is a severe form of rheumatoid arthritis, but it's like rapidly progressing in within months. So she was completely bed bound for months and months and months. And I was just shocked. At the age of 14, you know, it was like seven months, six, seven months ago, my dad passed away and I'm like looking after my mom now. So I would feed her. I would change her clothes. I would just do everything. And she had depression. And it was almost like I had to carry all that baggage on my shoulders. And that's when my anxieties died off. That's when I really, really started suffering from anxiety to a point I could not even step outside the house without having a panic attack. Looking back, I feel like I was holding back all these emotions and feelings, so I was suppressing them. That was quite a lot of theme in my life and to, oh, you have this issue, not to look at it. You have this issue, not to look at it. So the more and more I was doing that, the more and more I was suppressing my feelings and emotions. The anxiety, what I call it, is just alarm bell. Basically, alarm bells is like ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing. You need to look at this. You need to look at this. but I'm not looking at this. So, okay, I'm going to be severely impacting your life because you're not looking at this. So it got to a point where, like I said, I couldn't even leave the house without having panic attacks. And I used to have like community befrienders who used to come and take me to the garden first. I used to have severe panic attacks in the garden. Two, three times a day, I would have severe panic attacks. That was my life for 10 years. You know, I was constantly suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, but the anxiety was getting worse and worse and worse. And it was coming out in my eating as well. I may have had eating disorders and binge eating. And there were days where I would go weeks without even eating and throwing up. So it was like I was living in my own hell. It's quite funny because I was caring for my mom and these community bee frienders would come and take me to the garden first and they'd come out and they'd take me to the park. they were looking after me so it was like I was caring for someone and they were caring for me yeah so that's how it impacted my life and my school life as well.

SPEAKER_01: 31:20

What you said is so so powerful because anxiety being in this bell saying something needs to be looked at and anxiety for everybody now it's there because we're so conditioned into suppressing so what I'd like to do if it's okay with you is can you tell us what happened in that moment that life opened for you and your soul shone through

SPEAKER_02: 31:45

so this was around the age of 27 now I was an atheist I didn't believe in anything you know I wasn't very aware of anything spiritual and so you know when I was going through my darkest time I used to question everything like, oh, if God or whatever is real, then why would he or she or whatever make us suffer, make me suffer? And, you know, I was an angry child, basically. Around the age of 27, so I had an experience, what they call an out-of-body experience, basically. Now, at that time, I didn't realize what it was. I thought I was going crazy, but I'll tell you about the experience itself. Basically, I was just laying on my bed, And all of a sudden, I felt like a vibration within my body. It wasn't like shaking. It was almost like that's the best way I can describe it when your body's kind of vibrating. So all of a sudden, I ended up in this place where everything was just completely white. The white light was so bright that it wouldn't even hurt my eyes, you know. And when I was in that stage or place, beings, whatever you want to call it, it just felt like I was home. This is where I am originally from. I felt the unconditional love of something that was bigger than myself. It's just so hard to describe it on a human level. When you're in that state, you just don't want to leave it because it was just so blissful. While I was in that state, there was like beams of light within the white light. There was beams of light just standing there without any physical appearance. Now, when I was in that state, I thought it was so standing there without any physical appearance. And as I went up to one light, you don't even walk there, you kind of float there. It's almost like And you don't even talk by mouth, you talk by mind. It's really intense. So as I went up to one light, it turned around, it turned into the face of my dad. And he just smiled and he said, everything is okay. Don't worry. As soon as he said that, I remember coming back in and I remember from my right leg to top of my head, my body was like slightly vibrating. And then all of a sudden, all of my body was vibrating. It's such a weird experience where I just felt like while it was vibrating, it was almost like the soul was just coming into the physical body. And when you're leaving the body, that vibration is like your soul is like leaving and it's like vibrating out.

SPEAKER_01: 34:24

That This is the only way I can explain this. So this is the technical terminology. Basically, I've been trying to figure out how to explain it. Yeah, yeah. No, I understand. How do you? There are no words. There are no words.

SPEAKER_02: 34:42

There's absolutely no words. I feel like the experience itself is just beyond anything that you could ever imagine or feel or think or... do or be. It's just really hard to talk about. Yeah. So when I came to back into the physical reality of it all. I freaked out at first because obviously I had no spiritual knowledge, no idea what was going on. Never heard of anybody talk about out-of-body experiences or even though our household was Muslim, but I did not even pay attention to us. Like it was almost like they're speaking an Arabic language that I will never understand, you know, reading the Quran or something. And yeah, so I just didn't recognize it. So I didn't even tell anyone because I thought, I was going crazy. For a week, I was just in a bliss and scared at the same time. It was almost like I was living two realities. For a week, I was just thinking around what the hell's going on, what the hell's going on. And then a week later, same thing happened. But this time, it's middle of the night. This time, I was actually asleep. So I ended up in this place again with everything white and Again, the same feeling like the unconditional love of something that was bigger than myself. And I just saw like a bubble of energy wrapped around me. In that moment, I just felt so much love, peace and all the happiness and joy around me. There was like no fear. There was no sadness. There was nothing, no pain whatsoever. And I just wanted to be in that state of being. for the rest of my life. Because ever since I was little, all I was seeing was pain and suffering. The day you're born into this planet, suffer, suffer, suffer, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain. And then all of a sudden I had this amazing experience. I was like, why would you want to go back to this body of yours? Why would you want to go back to this body of yours? That experience was actually quite brief. And then I came back. I remember opening my eyes And, you know, I've just been started mumbling out of nowhere. Oh, thank you God for everything. And I meant it. I just knew it was something bigger than myself. And all of a sudden I had the loudest voice in my right ear that said, stay positive and keep going. I was like, what you know it was it was almost like an explain it's like blissful state and then and then it's going into oh my god freaking out you know my ego was like freak out and my soul was like chill out

SPEAKER_01: 37:32

those moments that is so brilliantly explained and then what happened then

SPEAKER_02: 37:38

So basically, after the freak out moment and the blissful moment when I had the chance to just sort of calm down, I was just sitting there still and I just started to cry, you know, like not in a cry of pain, but crying in a sense where I'm held. I'm loved. I know I'm loved. It was in that moment where... All that fear inside of me that I was holding for so many years, it was like being released out of my body and it was being replaced by peace, love and inner knowing that everything, that moment I actually understood because when I was in that state, I connected with everyone and everything. In that moment, I understood that everything that I've been through, everything that I'm going through or everything that I will go through is always going to be preparing me for something bigger, always going to be preparing me. So I did not look at my issues or problems in the past as in a victim mentality anymore. It's like, why me? Why is it always happening to me? I went from thinking that to I needed to go through that. This teacher needed to hit me. My dad needed to go through that. He needed to die from cancer and my mom falling ill and me becoming a carer because they were crucial point in my journey to evolve past, evolve to a next level of existence or life, you know, to make a difference in this world. So that moment I realized that. And, you know, like I said, all the fear went out of my body and I just started doing things like from a person who couldn't leave the house to to socializing and helicopter rides and studying and I was doing all of this external work. It was just like no fear,

SPEAKER_01: 39:34

no fear at all. Wow. I love this because there's so much. of all of it that I fully, fully connect with on so many different levels. But like I said at the beginning, is in that process of this release, you've had these moments, almost like little glimmers to say, this is what's possible. And yet physically, there was still a process for you to go to, this whole kind of purging where you had to really connect with your physical experience and allowed that release to happen. So if you could explain that a little bit more, that would be really good. Right.

SPEAKER_02: 40:16

Okay. So basically what I was doing, it wasn't all just Rosie and going on helicopter rides and doing all these things, becoming a motivational speaker. I had to go within myself. It's just somehow felt I was guided to go within and look at the trash I call it a trash not in a bad way but trash that I was storing inside of my body all of these years what I would do is every single day I did not tell anyone what I was doing like I said it was like I let my soul guide me and my ego was so quiet at that time my soul was like okay what you're gonna do is you're gonna sit in a comfortable place in a corner and And what you're going to do is you're going to ask yourself questions. I was like, okay. So I just randomly started asking myself just two questions. How are you feeling today? Are you okay? And I would ask those questions in the most loving and compassionate way. Because being an empath, you look after other people. You don't look after yourself. So me caring for my mom for 15 years, I was looking after her and not myself. When I started asking those questions, It was like almost all of the trauma that I was storing inside of my body was just starting to come out. So everything, every single thing about my dad, my mom, my rough childhood, and all of the experiences were just coming. And I was purging it, purging it, purging it. And it wasn't just like, oh, it's done in a week. It took me two years. Two years of being disciplined and sitting with myself and going through it. At that time, it was almost like the universe was taking everything out of my life. Now, I was living with my mom, but I was so detached. Some of the days, I didn't even realize my mom was there, but I was caring for her. It was like I went off social media, every possible situation, everything went out of my life. Whatever I was doing, I used to escape from feeling the pain. I used to play games or binge watch TV so I won't feel that pain. All of a sudden, I just didn't do that anymore. And I was left with my trauma. And I was like, okay, this is in your face and you have to look at it now. So like I said, every day I would ask myself this question and it was purge, purge, purge. And then it almost became like a habit. All right, today I'm going to sit down and I'm going to look at, let's see what's coming up. Okay, a trauma about my dad. I'm going to look into it. I'm going to dig deep into it and I'm going to peel all the layers on it so I release it out my body. Because what happens with trauma is most people don't realize that anything that happens in your life, it gets stored in your body. It gets stored in your self-memory. You know, most people think trauma is like, oh my God, something horrible is happening. No, it could be you're at a Tesco supermarket shopping and someone's really annoyed you and you come home and it's like little traumas, like emotional trauma stuck in your body. And what happens is every day we live our lives in a way where we brush it off, we suppress it, and it gets stored in, I call it, in a junk pile, in a bin inside of your house. Your body, your internal body, you know? So what do you do? It's going to rot away, right? What do you do? Like if you have a normal bin and you don't clean it out, what happens to it? It rots and smells and it plays. You don't like it. It plays out everywhere. You know, it's junk. So this is really important. This is what I did for like two years on, you know, and it got to a point where when I was sitting down and one day I was like, okay, what trauma am I going to bring up? And nothing was coming up and I felt peace, calm, just joy and happiness inside of me. And in that moment, I thought to myself, have I really, really healed past these traumatic life experiences? Have I really? And I just realized, yeah, I did. All of the two-year work that I've been doing on myself, by myself, I just healed it. Just like that, without having any knowledge of what, like how people do it, you know? Yeah, like I said, it's just, it's the most intense feeling, but like I cleared all that out of my body and I felt amazing. You feel amazing. And when you look back at your traumatic life experiences, you are grateful for them that you had them because you kind of just evolved past that victim mentality.

SPEAKER_01: 45:01

That is so, it's intense, yeah. because you said you managed to heal yourself and get past that point, but you listened to like a higher guidance. You allowed that to come in. And that all became possible because of the fact that you had these out-of-body experiences. Now, for people who don't have those experiences like we do or don't have those moments where they're able to really push past or feel that they're ready to go inside, This is why you're a motivational speaker. And this is why I'm a coach. It's to get to that point is to share our learning in the context of being just able to do that for yourself and connecting with a higher guidance and trusting a process. What have you learned and what do you want to share with others today?

SPEAKER_02: 45:59

Oh God, I got so much to share. What I learned is that looking into your emotional system is so important. It's so much easier to, when something happens, we go straight into that physical world, focusing on a career or partying or things like that, you know, we bypass the healing process. So what even in personal development, what we do is like we go from negative low state feeling to complete positive and we bypass that healing. Healing doesn't have to be something major. It can be something little you can do to heal yourself on the bad day you're having. So it could be that you're having a low negative feeling. What you're going to do is you're going to sit with yourself and make your own questions. How are you feeling today? Are you okay? And for example, if someone really treated you like bad in supermarket, so what you're going to do is you feel angry, you're going to allow yourself to feel that feeling and emotion. You're going to allow yourself to release it. What often happens is we kind of resist it. So try not to resist what is trying to come up because it's a release of your system. And it's not like you're going to sit for one hour and that's it. Sometimes you have to peel all the layers, but sometimes it's done in an hour. It depends on what you're feeling. But the most important thing is to feel And then you get out into the world, you do all these things. So that's how you do things from negative love feelings to feeling your emotions, labeling it, accepting it. feeling it to the core and then you go out into the physical world so internally everything happens from inside out not outside in

SPEAKER_01: 47:50

love love love have no other words apart from spot on hey ditto amen yeah so tell us where can people find out more about you because obviously you're on this episode which is great And obviously I'm going to be hassling you because there are things that I want to talk to you about outside of this. Tell us where people can find out more about you, how they can connect with you and, you know, what's in store, what's next, what's coming up.

SPEAKER_02: 48:24

So basically, can I tell you how I came about being a motivational speaker? So basically, when I was doing all this internal work, I put it out in the universe and said, universe, I've done all this internal work. How do you want me to help people? What do you want me to do? Because I have all these negative life experiences. How can I make it into something positive that would help people? So I kind of just had a thought and let it go. And a couple of weeks later, my friend who we were at a law of attraction meeting, actually, and we were standing outside the building and she was talking about how she's an actress and she wants to do public speaking because she gets stage fright. I was like, what is public speaking? Is this something like business conferencing? I didn't have any knowledge of it. She goes, no, no, you can go on stage and share your story. It's like, oh, okay. So while we were talking about public speaking, these two guys popped out the building talking about public speaking at the same time and they teach public speaking now I was like okay maybe that's a sign I'll take it now my friend didn't take it it was her right I took it yeah so I just ended up just researching about public speaking and taking up courses and and then all of a sudden like I ended up on a stage in front of 100 people sharing my story and And then three months later, I ended up on stage again in front of 150 people sharing what I did after the story, the inner healing that I was just telling you about. A couple of months later, again, I was like nominated for the Best Female Inspiration Person Award, which I went on to win. I'm nominated for it again. Then I spoke to over 200 people. It's just incredible how everything came about. Now, back end of that, like during the pandemic, obviously I couldn't go on stages. I was like, how do I help people now? How can I be of service to other people? So the podcasting just came about and I just ended up, again, researching how to do podcasts. So I have a podcast Soul Awakenings with Madhya Sosan Other people going through their own spiritual awakening, they have a platform to come to. So you can look up Soul Awakenings with Madhya Sosan. It's on Spotify. It's on Apple. And I have my Instagram is MadhyaSosan1 and also Facebook MadhyaSosan. And you can even follow me on Instagram for my Soul Awakening podcast as well, which is called Soul Awakens with Madhya Sosan.

SPEAKER_01: 51:07

Thank you so much. And all of the details will be included in the show notes and on the website for The Eternal Paradigm as well. Thank you. Before we go, we know where we can be found. We know how you become a motivational speaker. We know how the podcast started. What's in store for you? What's next?

SPEAKER_02: 51:29

Now, here's a tricky question. Not a tricky question, but... For most people, it's different. For me, it is living in the present moment and experiencing what life is going to bring me. Motivational speaking, I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about becoming a motivational speaker and everything, and it just came to me. So I live life in the present moment all the time and opportunities open up. What's my biggest goal is? to inspire people all over the world. And I know universe is going to make it happen. You know, you have that inner knowing to inspire people, help people, motivate people. That is my big goal. And I'm just going to let it go to the universe and let it happen. However, it's going to come by even on my YouTube channel, my podcast, or being on stages in front of hundreds of people. That's my biggest goal.

SPEAKER_01: 52:19

I hope you enjoyed that. Thank you for joining me for this episode of Eternal Paradigm. Join me next time.