How to Build Rapport in Sales

All the time salespeople get told they need to build better rapport with their customers, but that is always easier said than done. As someone who is a "Recovering awkward person" (Shoutout to Vanessa Van Edwards), Red Stafstrom explains a way to build better relationships with people in a systematic way.

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Transcript

Hey, broken salespeople. So today I want to talk about one of those big subjects that we get told all the time. But we don't get told how to do it. I want to talk about building rapport. That's this episode of the broken salespeople podcast.
Hey, broken salespeople. Welcome to the workshop. My name is Red Stafstrom. And we are here to help you fix your broken sales skills. So today, I want to talk about something that gets discussed a lot in sales training, something that a ton of people suggest that you do, but very few people actually explain how, in fact, to do it. Last week, I talked about the idea of blueprints, blueprints sounds like a great idea. if somebody were to give you the blueprints to make more sales, it sounds appealing from a marketing sense. But in reality, a blueprint raises more questions than answers. If somebody gives you a blueprint, and you have to build a wall, 70 feet from the property line, you now need to know how to lay a foundation, you know how to first need to know how to frame a wall, how to put a header in, what kind of plywood you need to put on the outside, how to stagger that plywood, how to put tie back some kind of water seal on how to put the vinyl siding or the stucco on the side. You need to know how to do this sheet rock, the plumbing, the electrical, all of these different things. So being given the blueprint. Sounds great. But if you don't know how to do that, if you don't know how to execute that, you have more questions. So today, I want to talk about a blueprint that almost all of us are given in sales training that our managers tell us all the time. But very few of us actually take the time to learn how to do it in a repeatable sense. And that is building rapport. We all get told over and over again. Well, you need to build rapport with your customers. Yeah, obviously, you need to get them to know you like you trust you. But if you don't know how to get them to like you. It's it's that blueprint idea. Again, you're being told to build a wall but not being told how. Yes, you need that wall. But you need to know how to build it first, being told you need to build a better rapport is basically being told you need to make the sale. If you knew how to do that, you wouldn't need to ask the question. It would be a very different thing. So today I want to talk about three strategies that I've learned as an introvert as shout out to Vanessa van Edwards. Read captivate if you haven't, but shout out to her for recovering awkward person. It's one of my favorite terms I've heard. I was that awkward person. In many ways. I still am. I am a full blown introvert. I like hiding out in my basement. I don't necessarily like talking to more than one or two people at a time. I like those deep, deep conversations. Rather than being in a group being in that bar setting. That's not me. I've always been that kid who kind of soaked in the back of the bus, I put headphones on and tuned everybody out. I read Star Wars novels before like Star Wars was cool again. I was that awkward person. So I had to actually learn and actually develop techniques to get people to like me. Now these I am not saying to use these in a manipulative way. absolutely do not do that period. But these are some techniques that you can use to make sure that when you are having a conversation that when you are talking to them, whether they're clients, friends, family co worker, that they do like you that little bit more. So I'm going to give you three techniques. The first two, the first one is really about active listening, but it's a technique for active listening. That will help you quite a bit. And it's using synonyms. If you don't know what if the sources get one, you need to be able to take the things they say and repeat them. But if you repeat exactly what they say over and over again, the way many older sales books tell you to they're going to get fishy. They're going to get suspicious that you're just saying platitudes that you're just repeating what they're saying. So you have to take it a step further than that. And now you have to actively listen and repeat what they say. But now you have to do it with different words than they used. If they talk about the emotions they're having, you need to talk about the feelings that they're having. You don't use the same word. If you if they talk about being angry, talk about being frustrated. If they're talking about being happy, Well, okay, talk about joy,
but find those synonyms. Because if you're just repeating the same words over and over again, they're going to feel like it's a trap. Because so many mediocre sales people do that, that they're going to start feeling like something is off. So start using synonyms, try to explain things using your words rather than theirs. Do things that way. The next tool for active listening, is mirroring behavior. Now I know you're not necessarily mirroring them exactly. And mirroring doesn't sound like it's active listening. But it's actively listening. It's actively observing what they're doing. And taking that information in. When I talk about mirroring, it's not just mimic their body language, it can't be an old Groucho Marx skit. Like if you've watched duck soup, I think that was the first iteration of that bit, where two people are on opposite sides of a doorframe and kind of leaning into each other and mimicking each other's behavior. You don't exactly mirror what they're doing. But you move in that direction, you still be yourself. But within a standard deviation of yourself, I am never going to mirror a 72 year old Asian woman, because my behavior me being a big bearded man would never look like right, if I mimicked somebody like that. But I can lower my voice an octave or two, I can move loose into my body language a little bit more, I can speak a little slower, I can be more direct, I can think about my language a little more. Likewise, if I am speaking to somebody who is a very excitable person, I could speed up. If I'm talking to somebody with a slow but deep voice like that traditional southern drawl, I can do the same thing and lower my voice an octave. That isn't changing your behavior, it's still you being you. But within your comfort zone, you're just expanding it by five to 10%. in either direction, you're not going to exactly mirror their behavior. But you show that you are able to take in what they're doing, and move in their direction rather than forcing them to meet you where you are. It's about actively listening, actively observing who they are. Now, eventually, the conversation is going to come to you. And let's assume you're like me, you're that recovering awkward person that Vanessa talks about? How do you stimulate the conversations? What do you talk about? Well, you don't talk about you. Everybody talks about well, you need to get your customer to do 70% of the talking. And again, how how do you do that? How do you get them to speak more often than you do? Now? As an introvert, I've learned it's easy. It's about asking questions. It's about asking the questions that will get them to talk the most. Now this isn't just limited to the employee like the sale the salesman the sales, he relationship, salesman, customer relationship. Talk about personal things talk about what they like what they don't like. And if you're looking for things to talk about. My favorite recommendation is Ford's the end I don't mean talk about trucks. Although I like talking about trucks. I'm happy to do so. What I mean is Ford's as an acronym, f o r d. s, family and friends, occupation, recreation, dreams, school and sports. These are what I call my small talk principles when I don't know what to talk about. I literally start cycling through these things. I start cycling through Okay, where did you grow up? How many siblings did you have? What do you and your friends like to do? What do you do for work? What do you like about it? What don't you like about? recreation? What do you do for fun? How do you unwind dreams? What are you looking to accomplish? Do you always want to be in the role you're in now? Where do you want to retire? school? Where did you go to school? What did you study sports? What teams do you follow? Who do you have in the tournament? All of these things and I can cycle through these questions over and over and over again. I have done it for 10 hours straight and kept that conversation going the whole time. By doing this by asking about them, they start liking you more, because you were
actively trying to learn more about them, rather than just speaking about yourself. Granted, as they do there, they're going to return the questions, and now you have the opportunity to answer. But you get to ask them the questions you get to give them as much time as they want to answer first. Then, as you run out of things to talk about, you start back from the beginning, and you cycle back through. Okay, so now rather than asking, how many siblings do you have? Where is your family from you? What, what kind of background do you have? Are you German, Irish, Swedish? Are you Mexican, Honduran, Colombian. All of those different things talk about some of the holidays, they celebrated. There's such a list that you can go down, and you can cycle through over and over. These are small talk principles that get them excited to talk to you. When you need to build rapport, you can literally go f o r d, s, F FORDSFO rd s, just keep that conversation going. Now, absolutely, eventually, you need to talk about work, you need to talk about why you want to chat. And that's going to be my last one. And it's going to tie in again, with the active observation. Know when to get to the point. I'm from the northeast, we are very, very impatient people. Some of my best icebreakers that I've ever used was, I'm want to be really quick about this. value their time know when they're losing interest, and actually address it and say flat out, look. I don't know if this is for you. Here's where it won't work and be upfront and honest. Reveal your Achilles heel reveal that vulnerability and they will reward you for the characters that you like the most. If you think about all the fiction you watch are imperfect. The reason people like Batman is because he is a damaged person because he's been through some things and he wants to write something about the world. Superman however, as the perfect person as the ideal. There's less of a response there's less of an emotional connection, because he's already perfect. show people your flaws, show people what your weaknesses are, reveal your kryptonite. And they will appreciate and they will like you more for it. So I hope this helps. I hope you guys have enjoyed the episode. Please take the time to review to subscribe if you're watching this on YouTube. All of that really helps the channel and until next time, go fix yourself.