Therapy Roulette

“I Forced You to Be My Friend” with Kelly Mohen

September 23, 2020 Michele Baci Episode 101
Therapy Roulette
“I Forced You to Be My Friend” with Kelly Mohen
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

In the premiere episode, Michele talks about rushing to move in with her boyfriend due to the pandemic and her anxiety over keeping her relationship “perfect.” She discusses the book How to Stay in Love by James J. Sexton and how people are dating during these unprecedented times.

This week’s guest is Kelly Mohen, an early childhood intervention specialist. Kelly tells us what it’s like to be an extreme extrovert during quar. Michele and Kelly speculate as to why ANY woman would EVER choose a male therapist. They discuss the pressure to have a baller Christmas every year in an Irish Catholic family. Kelly confesses she’s staying entertained by indulging in “trash” reality TV, such as Disney Fairy Tale Weddings. The ladies also discuss whether Elon Musk and Grimes are doing okay, Jia Tolentino’s book Trick Mirror, approaching dating apps like a video game, and grappling with a fear of rejection.

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Theme Song: Therapy Roulette:

Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you dont have problems, then youre likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Whos not me)

Michele Baci:

Hello and welcome to my new podcast Therapy Roulette consent to vent. I have been dying to start this podcast for a long ass time and I'm finally doing it. Because I think it's important to talk about therapy. It's important to get permission to vent because not everyone, not everyone wants to hear you ramble. And it's important to laugh. My name is Michele Baci, I am a stand up comic. I'm a writer. And I'm a person who's just trying to figure it out. I wanted to do this podcast as a way to bring comedic light to therapy and just really talking about your problems, because I feel like a lot of people keep their problems locked inside or they just don't know how to deal with them in a healthy effective way. So I bring you Therapy Roulette. Welcome. Episode One. My theme regarding this episode will be relationships and quarantine. Because Oh boy, I've been going through the wringer. I started quarantine. I was at I was at a wedding actually, when COVID had the US in March. And I was out of town. And then my family all it was a family wedding. They were all in South Carolina and we were kind of on a little vacation together. And then COVID happened and everything started to shut down. Everything started to feel eerie and my family peace status South Carolina a few a few days earlier than I did. So I was stuck alone in the south. And I'm from New York. I live in Los Angeles. So I'm not used to the south. And I kind of put like a scary start to quarantine for me because I felt abandoned by my family pretty soon. And my boyfriend was living back in LA and he was talking to me on the phone like, Hey, I'm worried you're gonna get stuck in South Carolina, when are you gonna come back. And he's been worried about COVID since before we all knew it was a thing he like, was reading about it on the internet back in the winter. So he was pretty paranoid that it was going to turn bad real fast. So I started quarantine really scared and feeling alone. And now I have become slightly less scared. And less alone. I ended up moving in with Joseph my boyfriend because it just made sense. My current apartment I wasn't spending much time in back in March. So my roommate and I decided to give up our lease and just kind of go around separate ways. She left with her boyfriend to move to a different city. And I moved in with Joseph in Long Beach, California. Which is nice. It's nice here, there's a beach. There's some like skater vibes. I'm still getting used to the neighborhood slowly because they don't leave the apartment that often. And just moving in with my boyfriend in general, I've kind of been hesitant to take that step. Because this is my first relationship. And like 10 years, I've been single, happily, mostly for a while before beating Joseph. And once we started dating, and we decided to, you know, be monogamous and be serious, thought I wanted to take it slow and not rush into stuff because I know it's kind of a big deal for me to be dating someone seriously. I don't have just been an independent and on my own for so long. It's it's been a new thing had been like reading these love books and these relationship books and listening to kind of like relationship type podcasts, giving me almost an overload of advice as to like how to keep this relationship thriving and together and not ruin it. And so in my head, I thought it was better not to move in too soon. Because it just puts this extra stress and seriousness to it. And for some reason, I thought we wouldn't move in together until like, we had been dating at least a few years or maybe like we were engaged to get married because it just seems like you should reach some kind of commitment level before you live together because it's just a big step. But I didn't predict this us global pandemic I didn't predict my life being fully remote and in my apartment 24 seven. I didn't predict being at Joseph's all the time anyway, working from home together Cooking all of our meals together, it just made sense to take the plunge and do it. So I moved into his little apartment in Long Beach. And it reminds me of my days in Manhattan. It's small, I've never even lived in Manhattan, but I've been there. I've lived in Brooklyn. But you know, living in New York, you get used to small spaces. It's smaller than my other place that I moved out of in LA. So it's been an adjustment. And we both have a lot of stuff. And we're both kind of materialistic. And he's techie, he has a 3d printer that takes up the whole closet. So it's just been an adjustment to be like, Okay, we got to prioritize, organization and our stuff, and also a pathway to walk through this place. And I've been trying not to bite his head off or my own, while keeping the place clean. It's been challenging. But overall, I would say I'm happy, and content. And I don't know why I was so scared to just move in and see what it was like. Even my my therapist, I started talking to her in February, we started our therapy relationship. And one of my first queries with her was like, hey, my boyfriend wants us to live together. But like, I don't know if I'm ready for that. And it seems like if we move in together, I don't know if I'll be able to leave because of Elise and all that. And what if it goes wrong? And she was like, What are you worried about? What's the worst that could happen? And that's kind of a good attitude that I would like to embrace more, what's the worst that can happen? Probably that we both die from COVID. But right now we're both healthy. So it's been interesting because Joseph and I are both more introverted, I'm definitely introverted. I would say like 75% introverted, so I'm really happy to just stay home alone and, and read or be in like a quiet space and think and write and do my own thing. I know a lot of extroverts are having trouble with the pandemic, because they can't be as social as they would like, they can't be outside and doing their usual like social activities like going to bars or parties. I don't think I can fully understand the extrovert struggle. But I've been trying to be more sympathetic to it, I've been reaching out to people a lot more. During quarantine, just like texting and setting up FaceTime and doing like, socially distance. One on One hangs like, both wearing a mask and walking or going out to eat and quickly eating and then leaving. I've been trying to be out in the world sometimes, but not too much. Cuz I just don't want to assume that we're safe and that we're past the worst of COVID. I know. We're definitely not. But I do want to see my friends. And I do want to talk to people. It's been weird, though, because there's such a pressure to virtually communicate or be on your phone communicating with the people in your life. So I feel bad not texting people back right away and not setting up like FaceTime dates, that often, like I'll FaceTime with someone to not reach out for another FaceTime for like months. And I think that's fine, because I get exhausted talking to people, I just get kind of zapped of my energy. So I would rather just text or check in with people every once in a while, it's all the better for me. And I'm lucky because I live with Joseph, I see someone most of the time, like when he's not at work, or he's not out doing something, I see him. So he's my company. And if I was living alone, I'm sure it feels a lot different, where I'd be like, I need a Friday night routine I need you know, virtual happy hour. So if that's what you're doing more power to you. You got to stay sane during all of this and it's important to reach out to people. So if you want to reach out to me, you can find Therapy Roulette on Instagram and Twitter. I'll post the social media links in the podcast description. And if you have feedback on the episode, if you want to tell me you love it, and anything else about it, if you hate it, you don't really have to tell me but I guess you could. But drop me a comment or a message and let's talk about the pot. I realized that I recorded that intro a little hastily. So I'm just gonna jump back in and say all the very important factual resources that was totally gonna mention, I was nervous to move in with my boyfriend for a while because I just didn't want to fuck up the relationship. I wanted to say where we were, I didn't want anything to go wrong. I didn't want things to change. And in the beginning of quarantine, and when we first were kind of we weren't officially living together for the first two months who I was just like crashing at his place every night because his his apartment is like 45 minutes from my apartment. So it just made more sense to stay here all the time, and I wasn't going to work. So I was like, just crashing on. On his apartment, we decided to officially move in together in May. So like two months into quarantine, and I was just paranoid things were gonna go wrong or that we were going to break up immediately, even though we weren't fighting, nothing was wrong. I just had this like anxiety, this fear in my head. So I read a book by a divorce lawyer, a practicing divorce lawyer. It's called How to say in love by James J. Sexton. And the the title is ridiculous. And the fact that he's a divorce lawyer is so ironic. But he wrote this book, mostly based on his experience working in law. And seeing these relationships that have like passed the point of no return they, they're on the brink of collapse, or they've already collapsed. And he has to salvage whatever's been done. Like whatever the marriage was, he has to salvage that for his client, or the at least the material and the financial part. So I read this book, and I recommend it. I would say it's some romantic advice. It's some practical advice about how to not drive your partner crazy or yourself crazy. Some of the highlights from how to stay in love would be Sexton writes that mind reading is bullshit, your partner is never going to be able to read your mind, you have to do the part of communicating what you need and what you want. If you're getting upset about stuff, you have to tell your partner why they can't figure it out just by looking at you, they're not going to pick up any clues, not to the extent that you want them to you have to just be direct, especially, I think, as a female and a heterosexual relationship, it's helpful to be direct to the man. Because all these like hints or subtleties, they don't really work. So just tell your partner what you need. And hopefully they listen, there's a quote I want to share from the book, learning to love the flaws is not impossible, because our virtues so often come out of our flaws. I know I'm a perfectionist, and Joseph is also a perfectionist. So we kind of get obsessed with like the, the way things should be or the way things should look. And for me, I've been really stuck on like the idea of a clean apartment or an organized apartment. As if we're like this freshly married couple and I have to present the perfect home life, even though we're a year into our dating relationship. And I moved into my boyfriend's apartment that he has taken like, mediocre care of what's I wouldn't say it's like, organized, but we're getting there. So for me, it's, you know, far from perfect, and it probably won't ever be perfect. So I've tried to let go of this idea that things always have to look or feel or be a certain way, it's just us, you should just like, embrace the way things are. And if you want to fix them, do what you can but realize nothing's ever going to be immaculate. And this is not a TV show, you know, things are gonna go wrong. And it's fine. I know people always compare romance to movies, but I've watched a lot more TV. So for me, it's a TV show. You know, I've been watching a lot of 90 day fiance and watching that show has shown me that Joseph and I have very small, very manageable problems right now not like these 90 day fiance's, who have to figure out they want to get married in 90 days. And then if they want to be financially, financially tied to this person for like 10 years or something crazy. So read how to stay in love, if that sounds interesting to you. And I also want to mention this article from the New York Post. I just thought it was interesting. My producer Nisha brought it to light. The title is people in relationships are signing up for dating apps during Coronavirus isolation by Alison sadlier. And it was posted may 1 2020. So basically this article says that dating apps are still hot, they're almost stronger than ever. Also that people are buying a lot more sex toys is a survey by Lilo and here anchor for them. I think you know self care is important. But some highlights from the article are This one's funny. The desire for romance is so strong that many are even willing to lower their standards like hell yeah, people need company. You know go out with someone you might think is troll like and just deal with it. But go out safely go out safely. I would definitely recommend communicating with someone just via text or phone call or zoom for a long time before you actually meet up with them because COVID is real. The article says that nearly 27% of singles have gone on a virtual date since the spread of COVID in the US, so a virtual date. That's low risk. I mean, at worst, you're just gonna waste your time. I recommend that if I was single, I'd be entertaining virtual dates. After talking to someone for like a week or so I wouldn't just give them my my zoom meeting ID right away. And the article also says this is a little juicy, that 50% of single people have reignited a spark with an axe, and 54% of people in a relationship. But our quarantine together, have reignited a spark with an axe. Jake's 5050 I don't know reaching out to an axe, I can see the comfort. And I probably would do that if I was single, I would definitely be tempted to reach out to an ex. But it's never a good idea. Like you broke up for a reason. Unless it's a really fresh breakup, or a really old breakup. And you think that the two of you have both grown, like, changed, maybe definitely grown since you broke up. I don't know reaching out to an ex is always risky. And in my experience, that's a terrible idea. And one more statistic for you. Since COVID, hit the US 42% of single people have downloaded a dating app. And as for people in a relationship, but not quarantined together, also 42% have downloaded the dating app. So it sounds like people who are in a relationship and not quarantined together are more tempted to see what else is out there. Which is, you know, it's not great. But I also understand if you're miles apart, if your states apart if your country's apart, or, you know, people get lonely and they want to find connection. So reach out to the people in your lives and make sure they're doing okay, especially your single friends. This quarantine is just, it's forever. And we we need to take care of each other. This episode is gonna be a fun one, I talked to a best friend from high school who has been in my life a long time. And we don't get to see each other as much because now we live on different sides of the country. So I would like to welcome to the podcast, Kelly Mohen!

Theme Song: Therapy Roulette:

Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy

Michele Baci:

Kelly how are you doing? I mean, like in general this week, or like today, what what's our perspective on that question so far? Yeah. How do you feel right now today?

Kelly Mohen:

Pretty All right, I had a pretty decent day at work. Work was like really shitty for a couple of weeks, and then has been like less so for these two weeks. But I think you know this for work. A lot of the people who I work with, I work with children have disabilities. And they graduate my services when they turn three at the end of the year ending in August, so they can start the school year in preschool in September. And so I have a bunch of them who are kind of like leaving my services now. And I had like, a really sentimental call with somebody who I worked with earlier today. And we were like both crying about how much we're gonna miss each other. So it was like it was so I don't know, that's been good. And I know part of this is going to be like quarantine relationships. My mom who I've been with non stop since early March is away this weekend with one of her friends. So I'm by myself.

Michele Baci:

She went out on a trip.

Kelly Mohen:

Yes. So all of her college friends go on like a wine tasting trip together every year in upstate New York where she went to college, she went to SUNY Albany, and they decided still to do it this year. They're all nurses. So they just got like COVID tests before they want to go. So I'm happy for her that she still gets to go on her trip. That means four days by myself, which is a double edged sword because I am an extreme extrovert. So I never like being alone. In fact, I don't like being alone for more than a couple hours at a time.

Michele Baci:

That's interesting. you consider yourself an extreme extrovert?

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, I mean, I don't, I would, I would

Michele Baci:

say you're extroverted. But to say extreme, it's the polar opposite of what I am. So it just seems so different.

Kelly Mohen:

My standing joke is that I held you at gunpoint for should be my friend because I didn't want everyone else in our high school to work

Michele Baci:

seamlessly. You know, I float right in pretty quickly. Because we were in that history class together. And you were like, well, now we sit next to each other, we have to hang out. It

Kelly Mohen:

wasn't just that it was that there were four my class which by the way, like I couldn't have been like those were the only four girls at Garden City High School who wanted to take AP history that year, like they must have somehow

Michele Baci:

popular class and we just had like a weird gender ratio that was off.

Kelly Mohen:

Like why should that have like there should have been no excuse for that. Like, I can't think of another time. Any other class in high school or College where I was ever in like a that gender skewed class and I was in like what I felt was a pretty gender skewed major. So I was like, How did this happen? But anyway, there were four girls in the class, me and Michelle and two other people. And the two other people were massive fucking losers. And I remember day one being like, I'm not gonna be friends with them, I guess they'll be friends with the child.

Michele Baci:

I can't, I can't remember at all the layout of that class to the fact like there being four girls, I remember you and the person behind us vaguely, some boy.

Kelly Mohen:

And that's about it was I remember day one as for girls that like kind of all in one corner, and it was the two of us and I don't care, I'll throw their assets right under the bus. And I was like, Oh, shit, I'm

Michele Baci:

gonna have to bleep out of the podcast. Please,

Kelly Mohen:

but um, yeah, I want to. I remember like, there was some day one question where I was like, whatever they were talking about, I thought was embarrassing. And so I was like, like, not even like that. They were having like the topic of conversation, but like their, like, extreme adherence and interest. So the history topic was like, intense, whereas you and I were like, one of us would do the reading every night. And whoever did it would give the other person the answers to the pop quiz.

Michele Baci:

Like, sitting in silence, pretending to like, be listening to our teacher, that was enough for you here. Like, this is cool.

Kelly Mohen:

I don't know, you could have a conversation about pop culture, which is, of course, the most important thing to me. So I remember like, right away if you were into like, live music and The X Files and being like, Alright, this is my person.

Michele Baci:

Enough pop culture references to ban the friendship.

Kelly Mohen:

Okay. But yeah, so, back to original topic. Yeah, I consider myself kind of an extreme extrovert. I think that came from, um, growing up like in having like two households like mom's house and dad's house. So like, rarely ever was in a situation where I was like, Home Alone with no one else there. Because like, you know, there always be your mom's with mom and like her then husband or dad's dad and his then wife, my two brothers, and then you know, my, like, giant extended family. So like, if ever I found myself in a situation where I was just like, chilling, doing nothing, I would just be like, let me see what there was always another person to be like, let me see what so and so is up to and now that has, like, bled itself into like, like, I'm talking to you tonight, clearly by design. And then tomorrow, I'm sure I'll find somebody else. Like, I will not spend as much time by myself, I guarantee you, I will go somewhere else and find another place to be because I don't want to be alone.

Michele Baci:

Or even when we became friends in high school, you are really the leader of the group in a way like you would invite people to parties, you would get people together, like you were kind of the ringleader, most of the time.

Kelly Mohen:

I feel like that's, like a permissive household. But um, yeah, a little bit.

Michele Baci:

I'll show like, you're also just like, a social magnet for everyone else, because everyone else is in band and pretty lame on their own. So you are more like, let's go do something.

Kelly Mohen:

Thanks, I guess. No, I also feel like part of the reason like you and I started hanging out so intently is because I'm also a huge night owl. And I could always text her like 1130 on a Friday night when you were getting off work at Baskin Robbins and be like, you want to go to the movies? And you'd be like, yes. So like that. That's true. So

Michele Baci:

I know, a play and talking on instant messenger.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, exactly. On your screen name, which I could recite, but I won't. So you don't have to bleep it out in case you still use your AOL screen.

Michele Baci:

It's really not important, but it doesn't make much sense. So let's get into it. Okay, so you're saying, in quarantine, you've kind of kept like, social activity alive? You haven't really been alone this whole time?

Kelly Mohen:

Yes, and no, I've spent way more time than any 29 slash 30 year old wants to with my mother. Which like we get along and like, I actually feel grateful for the fact that we get along as well as what you do. Like, I mean, I guess this is really like brought that to the forefront. Like, there's shit about her that annoys me, for sure. Like anybody else who would cohabitate with she gets under my skin from time to time and like I do find myself like as a situation has prolonged I've definitely gotten like, shorter with her with my patients, like they're just sometimes I just like, don't want to engage, where I'll just be like, I'm just so irritated.

Michele Baci:

Like, it's not even worth having a petty argument. Most of the time, it's the same argument over and over and over and over and over again. And I mean, is that every really life but my experience moving in with my boyfriend because of COVID-19. So it's been a stressor on top of everything else, like living with a significant other for the first time doing it quickly because of a pandemic. So every time we argue it feels like it's, you know, the end of the world because we're living in the end of the world. And it's hard to separate that from like, Oh, no, that's not a big deal. It's really a small thing.

Kelly Mohen:

I actually didn't realize until like, right this moment that this is the first time you've lived with somebody else. But yeah, I guess that makes sense. Like Yeah, what others had roommates? Yeah,

Michele Baci:

yeah, it's been a string of random roommates. Up until,

Kelly Mohen:

like, 4000 times is it much the same as being with your mom, you just arguing about the same shit over and over again? Well, I

Michele Baci:

think also living with someone seeing them 24 hours a day, not leaving the house much it becomes like your, like family almost where you're like, just pissed off all the time, and you're never gonna be happy again, because you share this space. It's been a struggle to find happiness. And just like level ground

Kelly Mohen:

was always my theory on why people who go on The Bachelor feel like they can be in love with somebody who they've only known for like three weeks because it's like, well, when you don't have your fucking phone and you can't see your friends and you're spending every waking moment thinking about them for those three weeks. Naturally, you're like, I'm in love with this person. Except on the bat, you have like a housekeeper. So you don't argue about who's doing the fucking dishes. But yeah, I mean,

Michele Baci:

whatever main arguments. And it's like, a chance to miss someone like say your your mom's away for four days, you'll probably miss something about her something about like what you guys have bonded over this whole time while she's gone. Because when someone leaves, you'd start to appreciate them.

Kelly Mohen:

I will miss. I've missed having another person around for sure. And like I'm sure she also like, very much, but she's already texted me like 9000 times a day. So I'm sure I will be kept abreast of all the goings on at the upstate New York fingerlike winetasting. I'm not concerned about that component at all. But um, yeah, no, I definitely I would never like this is also another thing like, Do you ever feel like there's like a sense of like adulthood, where our friends will talk about like, oh, like having roommates is like an immature thing. That's like a thing for your 20s not a thing for your 30s. And it's like, I would never purposely set myself up for a living situation where I was by myself, because I know that would make me unhappy. Like, I don't care. I would find anyone. Yeah.

Michele Baci:

I've mostly had positive experiences living with roommates over the years. I thought before COVID I thought I would live alone someday. But now that opportunity has gone out the window. It just seems like it just should be a step you take at some point. And because I am introverted, it seems nice. But I'm fine. We're never doing it. Yeah.

Kelly Mohen:

When people are like, oh, like, I guess like the definition, right? If you're on that, like INTJ, whatever that like Myers Briggs personality test is when it asks you like, Oh, do you recharge from being by yourself? I would not define that I do. And that's why I'm always like, but um,

Michele Baci:

which is why I feel like this pandemic hits extroverts harder, because your energy thrives from other people. And we're all told to keep our households. Sorry, you just kind of are you zooming with people? Or how do you see other people besides your mom?

Kelly Mohen:

Yes, no. So I read a terrifying statistic today on Twitter, and I can't even like name, the source I saw it from so like, I don't quote me on bleep this out as well.

Michele Baci:

We know Twitter is reputable

Kelly Mohen:

was like a link to an actual study. And it was like 25% of like, young adults have considered suicide in the last six months because of isolation, social isolation. 25% that's what they said. Which, you know,

Michele Baci:

that's impressive. I feel like we're at the peak depressing time in our lifetime.

Kelly Mohen:

It's not only isolation, it's also like, not just isolation, but like, we're isolated for something that feels like the fucking end of days and super goddamn depressing. So like, you know, it's like everyone's dying, and we leave our houses or more people will die. Like, I think it's like, the ultimate mixture, I guess for like, feeling depressed. So yeah, I mean, as far as me, I don't, I wouldn't say that. I like, this is something I think about myself all the time. I don't usually ever report like symptoms from like, I feel depressed. Like sometimes I feel shitty about myself. But most of the time, like, if I'm feeling sad, like that will come out in ways that I'm not great at, like articulating, I guess, like so I would say my number one thing that I've noticed, and this is like, I'm chronically a bad sleeper, as you can tell already, from my like, casual comment about me trying to go to the movies with you at 11:30pm on the weekends when I was 17.

Michele Baci:

Would you say you're an insomniac?

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, I mean, I'm an insomniac. And that displays itself worse and worse and worse, the more like stressed out or anxious or depressed I get about something. This has been probably the worst six months of sleep of my adulthood. When I just like

Michele Baci:

help that you know, our country is doing the way it is and the news is it's made to terrify us so watching anything that's relevant is going to upset your sleep schedule.

Kelly Mohen:

We reached like a household mean Sue's reached like a household agreement of no more news after 10pm pretty early on into this just because we were both getting so worked up. But yeah, I had to get I got I've like turned into a complete insane person with like my sleep hygiene. I had to get blackout curtains I had to get a sound machine I have a sleep mask I like it's all this stuff like I don't at all sit in my bed unless I'm sleeping like all that stuff that you'd like read about when you Google like, I can't sleep at night. Why is that? Like all the stuff they tell you to do?

Michele Baci:

That's good for you though. You think it's helping

Kelly Mohen:

the like darkness definitely as I realized that, like light exposure is a big one. So like looking at my phone or watching TV or stuff before I'm trying to fall asleep definitely interferes, but like there's just some nights where like, like, I didn't sleep well, two nights ago. And so I slept from like, let's say four to 6am ish. And then I was exhausted all day yesterday. I felt like not functional during the work day, and then fell asleep at 9pm and I was like sick this is gonna be a great night's sleep. And then I woke up at 10 and was just up again until four I think I also like I'm like a caveman were Siraj sleep one hour. Well, I was I slept again from like four until about like eight this morning.

Michele Baci:

But a very interrupted night of sleep.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, but like I you know, I it's one of those things where they say that like caveman used to sleep in like shorter clips than we do because you could never find like a safe place to hunker down for that amount of time. I'm natural. I am a caveman. I was meant to sleep in like three hour intervals several times throughout the day. Like I should not set myself up for like an eight hour all in one clip sleep because that's just never gonna work for me. Yeah, unless it's like I don't do you get it down again and go home on but

Michele Baci:

do you get the the eight hours of like, do you get a full night's sleep ever?

Kelly Mohen:

I'm on the weekends, if I have like the luxury of sleeping in and I don't drink a lot the night before, because drinking really interrupts my sleep schedule. So clinically. I can't get like good REM sleep. And if I've had like more than two drinks, I would say

Michele Baci:

that makes sense. It's so important. Rarely it's going through your body. I know. I always wake up thirsty. I need to pee. I need Tylenol. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Whatever you got to do to get through the pandemic,

Unknown:

I know.

Michele Baci:

Depression has been hitting hard. I've been more depressed than usual. And I'm usually pretty sad. So it's been like, navigating the waters of like, why am I feeling so hopeless? It's, you know, the world we live in. It's also being stuck in one spot all the time that I'm trying to stay creative and doing this podcast is helping me feel more optimistic.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, I'm like psyched. They are doing it because it's like good to give people the opportunity to just like, sit and like, kind of, you know, what's that? Like? Maxim of like the unexamined life is one that's not worth living. Like you have to sit and take stock of things, especially when you're like going through something like this, I guess like collectively we miss the human race and you just sit and take stock every now and again. But yeah, to answer your original question that I am completely tendentially with no worries. Yeah, I think right at the beginning when this was so new to everybody, like there was definitely like, there would be nights where like, I'd be trying to FaceTime with my family for like my extended family was doing FaceTime game nights and that was really fun or like, like highschool friends or whoever like you know, it was almost like I was trying to FaceTime so much that I had to like purposely set up a schedule for it and have a flood

Michele Baci:

of everyone wanted to reach out at the same time.

Kelly Mohen:

And I think that's kind of fallen off. Both is like social distancing has relaxed a little bit at least here in New York. Like I feel like people are going out a lot more I know California is a completely different story. So I feel like is like we've seen each other in person at least somewhat like that has relaxed a little bit. We it's you know, it's weird. I keep making this joke, but everyone I see is my blood relative but in my immediate neighborhood. I'm here with my mom, do you have a lot of relatives? Your family dad and I know my dad and my two brothers live across town my my older brother his apartment on the Upper East Side he and him and his roommate haven't been there since like Memorial Day they're actually getting give up their apartment I think just because like nobody wants to sit in this like windowless apartment on Second Avenue for like, when they don't have to go to work until February at least.

Michele Baci:

Yeah. So it's like, why live in Manhattan if you don't need to be in Manhattan.

Kelly Mohen:

So they're both so my brothers my dad are across town and I see them all the time and my brother's girlfriend because my brother his roommate and his girlfriend all have Coronavirus antibodies. So they have just been like hanging out as they please I guess to do they had then

Michele Baci:

they get sick or they just tested positive for antibodies.

Kelly Mohen:

My brother did in April and then all three of them got the test in May like as soon as it became available

Michele Baci:

rather three of the many brother got sick like he had symptoms. Yeah.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, he had Coronavirus for like, like bad symptoms for like 10 days, but he was never hospitalized. So also it was like, right in the beginning of April when shit was really hitting the fan in New York City. So like he called his doctor to be like, I think I have Coronavirus and the doctor was like okay, well, there's nothing we can do about that. Don't come to the hospital unless you have trouble breathing stay in your house. And so the three of them just went nowhere and did nothing and saw no one for like 20 something days. Wow. And then he said he liked by day like six no longer had a fever. So we weren't really that worried. About like his like overall life function like obviously we're worried about him but he'd like, get to day six and you're just like fatigued and you don't have a fever. That's like a good sign things are getting better.

Michele Baci:

He got sick was my mom and his nurse who tested positive for antibodies again.

Kelly Mohen:

All three of them. So my brother, his roommate, and his girlfriend, okay, Joseph, girlfriend, Angela, and his roommate, Nigel all have antibodies. So like, not that they treated us like a free pass. But they all came out to Long Island to their respective houses, like their parents houses, and the end of May. And they have just been like, hanging out. So I've seen them a bit. My dad, my other brother, and I have a cousin who lives my cousin who used to live across the street from me and did I tell you that she moved with her kids to like this side it goes on for I

Michele Baci:

remember you saying, well, we spoke earlier in the quarantine and you were saying you were going to hang out on their front lawn just like wave to them. They were like we're not comfortable with that amount of distance.

Kelly Mohen:

Now her husband is like a total survivalist not bad. Like, I mean, literally, like I've never ever hung out with him and had him not have like a giant knife on hand. So he's always like, would you be on my lawn if this was Ebola? And I was like, This is less contagious than Ebola by a factor of six and less fatal than Ebola by like a factor of 10. So you're comparing apples to oranges and he was like, well still get off my lawn like that kind of energy. But

Michele Baci:

it's that kind of extreme if they were in the house and you were just on their lawn waving or something.

Kelly Mohen:

No, we'd like both be on the lawn but they had like a nice like driveway divider that where it was like pavement, bricks, pavement. So they would just tell their kids you're not allowed to step past the bricks, and then everybody would just be on the lawn but the bricks kept us six we'd like as long as you didn't touch the six feet of bricks. You were fine. Yeah, it is. We

Michele Baci:

know when to draw the line. We're living in something. We don't know what the end results gonna be.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, there's like a secret fear that I have. mainly just in relation to the fact that my brother like got sick and recovered but I'm like nervous that like this is gonna turn into one of those like fuckin asbestosis kind of things where like, you know, 30 years from now maybe you'll be more susceptible to like knees ofili oma or like, I don't know, whatever you call like, because

Michele Baci:

it might affect your illness. Yeah. Right. Well, they

Kelly Mohen:

talk about that with like, people who are having increased like blood clots and strokes and all this other shit, like the children have that inflammatory syndrome. Like, they're just again, so many variables. So like, there's definitely that stressor of like, Okay, well, like, seems like he's fine now. But maybe 30 years from now. Like, you know, something bad's gonna happen to him, but I don't know. That's one of those things of like, think about that tomorrow, like, no one can control that. If anything, I guess.

Michele Baci:

Yes, case scenario, he's had it already. He's fine now. And the antibody should come in handy when? Or if, like, a worst wave coming through. So it's, it's fine in the great second way. Yes. But New York seems like it's doing good. So I'm feeling positive. Yeah.

Kelly Mohen:

I'm feeling relatively optimistic, optimistic, except for schools opening I feel like that's gonna be kind of like a weird we're gonna have like a bump in cases. But hopefully I can kind of like stay out of that professionally. You know, it's not bring any of that into this.

Michele Baci:

It's not the time to pull a Billy Madison and go back to school.

Kelly Mohen:

No, just like with the kids I work with, like, not have to lay hands on touch them in person. You know what I mean? Like, yeah,

Michele Baci:

just yeah, we're good. Any like face to face profession? It's nerve wracking. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna switch. switch gears. So the podcast is called Therapy Roulette. And I was gonna ask you a question. I will probably ask all my guests. Are you in therapy right now?

Kelly Mohen:

currently no have been before. I don't have any, like, stigma against that, right? I

Michele Baci:

don't have a stigma either. But it's kind of weird to talk about, like, I feel like a lot of people have trouble being like, yes, I'm in therapy, and I will tell everyone about it. I've been in therapy since the winter and I think it's great.

Kelly Mohen:

I probably like to your point, I don't know that I would, like, casually bring that up. If it wasn't like, you know, a friend who I've been close with for many years are like, it's weird in LA,

Michele Baci:

in Los Angeles. A lot of people like talk about their therapist, like it's their, you know, roommate. They mention it like it's no big deal.

Kelly Mohen:

I feel like there's like a sense of that New York too, but like not, you know, I also think it's like very much the dynamic of people you hang out with and like call a spade a spade like, you know, I'm from a giant Irish Catholic family that like, resists therapy's

Michele Baci:

so true because I am for a big Catholic family and they talk about nothing.

Kelly Mohen:

Yes, and our hometown is very Irish and Italian Catholic. I you know, I don't feel like anyone here could like casually pepper into conversation like my therapist thinks this.

Michele Baci:

I feel like unless you're pursuing a career in entertainment, it's like knock Sure to talk about most of the time.

Unknown:

I think if you're

Michele Baci:

an actress people are like, of course she's in therapy. She's an actress.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, I think like, just in my social circle, like, I feel like everybody here who I hang out with on a regular basis, not during quarantine is like, kind of like, limber enough about their mental health that they would talk about it. But like, I don't know, I just, you know, where is that? Where do you start that conversation? Where do you like, I mean, I think that predisposes I feel like somebody's predisposed,

Michele Baci:

someone brings it out to your

Kelly Mohen:

friend, down, and I are like, I'm feeling this, and I need to talk to someone about it. And sometimes that's just that access point is like, hard to find, you know what I mean? Yeah,

Michele Baci:

I feel like people either bring it up, or they don't. Like when I first started therapy in Los Angeles, I was in a new city. And I was already feeling kind of alone. I was like, not going to tell anyone, no one's going to know about this. I mean, I'll just tell by my stand up comedy audience now I'll be fine. But now I feel more comfortable talking to friends about it. And that feels a lot better.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, I do think it like, anytime I've been in therapy in the past, it's been really helpful. Just again, because you know, it forces you to like structure time to talk about, you know, all this kind of stuff, whatever.

Michele Baci:

whatever's in your head that you can't really process on your own. Yeah,

Theme Song:

I was gonna go ahead.

Kelly Mohen:

I was just gonna say like, the structure of question asking, like, I always like respect to the therapist who can, like ask you something in such a way that it like, not that it's Socratic, but it almost makes you like, defend your emotional positions, like, you know, just thinking of like people in the past or like a therapist who'd not like psyched to see because, you know, it's gonna be hard work. But like, at the end of the time, you're like, Oh, I really got something. Yeah, I guess that's what I find most fruitful going in the times I

Michele Baci:

have, like, you want to be confronted, because you know, you'll come out a better person for it.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, that's what you're fucking there for.

Michele Baci:

Yeah, like my therapist, I feel like she is relatively on my level. Like, she's not trying to be better than me. And she's not trying to be too nice or too cushiony. She'll just call me out on stuff. And when she asked me a Socratic question, and I have to say, Yeah, I do think I'm better than these people than I am it you know, I'm the asshole in the situation. But that's my point of view. So she, like calls me out on my own bullshit. And then I have to learn why that is. And it's, it's really helpful. If

Kelly Mohen:

you feel like it benefits you that you see someone who's a woman, I don't think I could ever go, look, I don't think I would seek out a therapist who was a man like if my health insurance was like, This is what we'll cover. That would be one thing, but like, I can't imagine, I never have been in a therapy situation with a man and I can't imagine now going into one, you know what I mean?

Michele Baci:

Yeah, especially I have an unfair bias toward men. I feel like we are the superior sex but I'm trying to be more equal headed. I just have a lot of I don't know.

Kelly Mohen:

Very much like fuck the patriarchy tear it down. Like I don't,

Michele Baci:

as we should. I mean, they have a they have an advantage that's hard to climb up against, but nothing against men. I'm sure some of them are great therapists. But I also wouldn't seek one out he's not a woman. So I feel like a man Canada Sammy, the way I need someone understand me on a basic level.

Kelly Mohen:

Yes, and I also feel like toxic masculinity bleeds into professional, your professional life. So like, theoretically, if you're working in psychology, you should be a little bit more fluent and talking about emotions, but you don't know how, like the subconscious perspective of like, you know, the male therapist, my, like, bleed into, like, how they are approaching you. I don't know if I'm like, putting a fine enough point on that. But like, you don't even mean of this, like, I feel like I constantly deal with in my family, like the only acceptable negative emotion for men is anger. Like, they can't be like, my feelings are hurt or like angry at you. And so it's like, if that's the person who that's the tiny human who is created into an adult and raised up into the profession of psychology that way, with that coming in, like, how do you then like,

Unknown:

like, you have to know how much a woman

Michele Baci:

how much therapy, has the male therapist been through himself to get to where he is? Is he is he actualized? Or is he just on his beginning of the journey?

Kelly Mohen:

I think it's unfair to like expect any of our therapists to be that self actualized like, even though Yeah, I probably want them to have just been on the other side of the couch, so to speak for like a professional understanding perspective. You know, I feel like most therapists are probably really fucking imperfect humans, it's a lot easier to, like, recognize someone else's bullshit than your own. Yeah. But at the same time, I trust a woman to be more on that path than I would a man. You know what I mean? So I mean,

Michele Baci:

a woman can just multitask and switch viewpoints, and have more empathy a little bit more easily, which helps a lot naturally, with empathy, I think and I've definitely heard that like, traditional medical doctor, it's usually if you have a woman doctor, your patients are better, like they're better off they, they survive better. They like get better treatment because women just put in more time and more effort and they listened more.

Kelly Mohen:

I had an awesome male gynecologist in high school who retired. I wish if you I would still be on him to this day if he was still professionally available. But yeah, other than that, I again, I don't seek out male professionals for anything with like my brain, my body, my emotions, nothing I want. Yeah,

Michele Baci:

gynecology. Psychology might be the The one exception? Or who knows? Maybe they pay more attention there. So you've done some therapy in the past? Have you ever had a really negative therapist or really negative experience that you'd want to talk about?

Kelly Mohen:

I wouldn't say really negative. I had a therapist in college who again, like every single session I went, I cried. And like, I am a crier, like awesome. I've

Michele Baci:

never cried in therapy, I can't do it. I'll cry.

Kelly Mohen:

Like, anytime I'm below a four or like above a six on the emotional scale, I'm crying. And that's kind of how I feel like my extreme emotions. I cry. I mean, either direction. If I'm really happy, I'm crying. If I'm really upset, I'm crying. I was like, going through some shit at the time. I mean, I can elaborate on that if you need, but up to you.

Michele Baci:

Well, it's it's, it's tough shit, it's college.

Kelly Mohen:

But at the time, every time I went, she would like ask tough questions of me to like, get me to think like, like, I kept talking about things that I felt obligated to do emotionally like for other people in my family, and for other people in my life. Like, I'm not a Christmas person. And like, a lot of it, this is gonna sound so stupid, but a lot of like, I built up a lot of anxiety about like, the finishing the semester and going home to like, deal with the holidays with my family. And she was like, you don't have to do any of that. And I was like, Yes, I do. And she was like, No, you don't, you can just tell them, I'm not going to do that. So if you're doing it for other reasons, you need to figure out what those other reasons are. And every time you do like, like so like, what am I that that I would like, I remember thinking like, I hate this person, and I don't want to go back. But like, hindsight, again, like the retrospect that it gave me, I'm just like, to this day, I will still ask myself all the time. Like, I don't have to do that. Like when I'm feeling like

Michele Baci:

you don't have to you don't have to do anything. Like you only have to take care of yourself as much as you want to. And that's all you have to do.

Kelly Mohen:

Or, like what's the worst that could happen is um, you know, like, if I don't like show up for such family event with like, all this food prepared and like fucking balloons for the surprise party, like who's going to be mad at me like, because, you

Michele Baci:

know, knowing you, I feel like you always do go above and beyond for other people. I'm sure especially your family who comes to like, you know, if you're doing this every year, it's like a tradition, they come to expect things. So it feels like a lot of pressure on you. But you're ultimately the one who's doing these things you could stop.

Kelly Mohen:

I have a hard time and interrupted expectations or something I've like come to know about myself. Like, basically it really fucking pissed off in the morning if I would come downstairs and there'd be no milk for cereal for breakfast. And I would like in my whole family NUMMI as this like monster who had to have breakfast in the morning. And yeah, I guess that's part of it. But the other part was that if the expectation was that I was going to have something particular for breakfast, and that expectation got interrupted. That was what made me upset. And so every year I think like growing up, I set myself up for like, this will be a fucking winter wonderland fairy tale Christmas. And if I didn't go home and like help to achieve that, like I viewed that as some sort of a personal failing.

Michele Baci:

Was it ever a wonderland Christmas?

Kelly Mohen:

No, never fucking never really upset. And I still do every Sunday. I

Michele Baci:

don't know if it's growing up in a religious like Irish Catholic family. But you have a big expectation with Christmas that comes from maybe your parents or maybe like older relatives, where they just expect this better be the best day of the year, like we've been waiting all year for it. And it's like, No, it's just another day in the winter. It doesn't matter that much. I mean, it's great if you want to recognize your religious practice, but ultimately, it shouldn't have all this pressure on one day.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, and it's never the religiosity that like gets me into this state because like, if you're telling me all we have to do is go to Mass every Sunday and then on Christmas and like enjoy Abend and be kind to each other fine. Let's fucking do that. I'm talking about like the like, here's every 9000 member of my family who needs like a specific, beautifully gift wrapped thoughtful present that I have to be able to afford. You know, here's like the meal we have to make and the gifts that have to get sent out and all this it's that stuff that makes me like really hung up and I think like a huge to do list for all these people you see once a year. Yeah, and it's a little bit of like my parents are both Like that, again. Also, I think like growing up in a divorce household just being like, we would do this stuff at mom's house and this stuff at dad's house, it doesn't mean you do half the amount of stuff, you need to do twice the amount of stuff. And so that was part of it. But then also, my older brother's birthday is Christmas Eve, and he is very into that, like, for the past five years, I've been like leading the charge on like, let's not get a tree let's not buy a fucking thing. Let's go to like the Caribbean for five days. And like everybody pays for themselves. And let's not do any of this. And like that will never happen because we need to have like the blessing tree and like the nativity scene that was like shed, you know, I've blown pottery or whatever.

Michele Baci:

I would take it upon myself to be like, this is the year we're going to the Caribbean, you know Coronavirus has been five years gone. It's our time, we should book that trip because it's also nice to get away for the holidays. I would like to do it sometime.

Kelly Mohen:

I would love that. But I don't know. Like I'm also again, like identifying your own reasons. I feel like this like sense of obligation to my brother whose birthday is Christmas Eve, where it's like I can't, he has to be in charge because like, this is the one day it's like the one time a year he gets for anything. And so I'm always like, okay, he can pick I'm just gonna like sit back, but right. I don't know, sometimes you also shouldn't everyone fights with each other anyway, but you know, I like get a little bit better with like, let's let these expectations get interrupted. Like the older I get. And the more I'm like, it doesn't fucking matter. No one's gonna be personally upset with you if you didn't like, if you only made three varieties of Christmas cookie instead of five people will move on. Yeah, and it's true. No one gives a shit about that kind of minutia.

Michele Baci:

No one's ever analyzing it the way you are, and then having any expectations is only going to disappoint you. So it's better to expect nothing. Just you know, barely, that's kind of a wet away pavement.

Kelly Mohen:

Expectations are okay, but like don't

Michele Baci:

expect now it's never gonna happen.

Kelly Mohen:

Right? Just more like, if all we get is like fucking sandwiches from the deli and we just sit around and like watch TV and have a bunch of drinks and like hang out with each other. That will also be fine by me. Like, you know what I mean? Just like putting it at that level of like, whatever, as long as like nothing as long as it's not like complete catastrophe. As long as we can just sit and eat a meal and hang out with each other and not be fighting as

Michele Baci:

long as you're not together. Yeah, you're doing something that Yeah, makes the whole family feel united and warm and cozy for a few hours. Yeah, I just been feeling bleak lately didn't mean to drag you into it.

Kelly Mohen:

Hey, is your family like? Like putting a lot of bullshit on you for being so far away during this, but again, but

Michele Baci:

I do find it funny that every time I call my mom, she's like, I wonder if you'll be here for Christmas. And I'm like, I'm really not planning on it with the COVID-19. But I like how it you know, it's always on her mind because Christmas is a big deal. to her. It means her kids will come home and put on this party. So I think it's just maybe it's amazing.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, and you guys are also in a different situation where I feel like we're like fucking maximum saturation of family time. Like all I do right now is hang out my blood relatives. And you are far away and Angeles far away. I mean, Charlie and Laura at home. Well, Laura, I'm sure.

Unknown:

Now,

Michele Baci:

myself and my two sisters are gone. Only my brothers at home. So Laura moved to New Orleans with her boyfriend. And now she lives pretty close to Angela and her boyfriend. So there's two little bacigalupo is running around New Orleans. Yeah, mom is just like, Where did the kids go?

Kelly Mohen:

Now? Like, do you ever think about like how hard that must be is like when we talk about development like fucking being in your 50s and 60s and having empty nest syndrome is part of human development. Like you ever feel like how hard that must be on your mother who like I mean, she's still that jazzed by McDonald's for but like, you know what I mean to have like the day to day trappings of like bullshit that you're used to being part of your like vital routine, because it's something you're doing for your like, beautiful child that you brought into the world and then having it just be like, Okay, I'm gonna go now and find something else to fill your days with, like, good luck. Yeah,

Michele Baci:

you know, I mean, especially, my mom is, you know, she works. She's good at her job. She's a lawyer. It's important work, but she has four kids and she's always made that a huge part of her identity. So I feel like three of those kids leaving and being like, we're growing out now we're coming home when we come home, maybe maybe a Christmas maybe in a few years. Like who knows? Laura just kind of moved out without telling us she was moving out. So I feel like it's it's hard to adjust that and be like, my identity is different. Now. I have grown up kids, what do I do?

Kelly Mohen:

Right. And also like, your parents, my parents like I don't know where they are with this timeline. But like they are staring down you know, the road to retirement, right. Like her even identify by your career that's going to evaporate within the next What? 10 years 15 at most. So like, again, you're literally just like, what do I fill the day with like, and I mean, you're Parents are married my dad I feel like it will always find a way to entertain himself he is

Michele Baci:

his latest business and

Unknown:

I talk about it on a podcast give me a good bad

Michele Baci:

medium and we'll move on

Kelly Mohen:

he's on this he's on one about forming this pot hologram exhibit in Times Square that he thinks will be like poorest exhibit. So he's like super into that like he also and you're going to

Michele Baci:

originally come I'll give him originality points I haven't heard of hologram exhibit square

Kelly Mohen:

that fucking email from Ticketmaster for like the Do you want to buy Whitney Houston on a hologram tour and go like yes I would like i don't know i but again like

Michele Baci:

any library Yes.

Kelly Mohen:

As a whole right like I'm like I would never want to do that but you know there are all these morons go to all this other shit in Times Square that I would never have like Ripley's Believe It or Not like and that stays in business for like fucking four stories at $3,000 per month per square foot. We like what do I

Michele Baci:

we went to Ripley's Believe It or Not on a band trip, didn't we?

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, but like in Atlanta, like is much less we saw

Michele Baci:

money to go our whole giant fans went like I'm sure we have hundreds of dollars that day.

Unknown:

Again, like

Kelly Mohen:

by like the school making me like if you were like 14 year old Kelly, do you want to go to Ripley's Believe It or Not museum? I would walk now like you know what i like? We went to Dollywood. That was fun.

Michele Baci:

Dolly was so miserable. I had one roller coaster.

Kelly Mohen:

No, we thought it was great. I well. I also love Dolly Parton. So I was just like buying into it the whole time. But

Michele Baci:

it is cool. But the amusement park was like a plank of wood and a little ice cream ice cream stand that was

Kelly Mohen:

Oh no, I remember like a carousel that had all the different animals not just horses that had like a lot. I remember like going on this log flume 10,000 times because there's a million degrees out I don't know they've had they had like everything was like the country bears exhibit. But like whatever. I like a funnel cake and I had a good time.

Michele Baci:

Your memory is so much better than my memory. So I'll give it to you Dolly Woods Okay, now.

Kelly Mohen:

Oh, well here today. I was like talking to my friend Mary about this. Like from one of my college roommates about this video I found us like, bullshitting and like really drunk at three in the morning like talking to our other friends like then boyfriend like I found this like horrific movie of us drunk at three in the morning like making jokes with our friends ex boyfriend who haven't seen in over a decade. And I remembered everything about the circumstance of that evening like I could like recite the picture of everything that they set the scene for this like two minute video clip. And we were talking about how we were getting ready to go to like some dance that they threw for us as college seniors. And I couldn't remember I remembered everything about this stupid night we got drunk, but I couldn't remember anything about the dance. If I had gone where it was what I had worn. I was like, I don't know if I went to that. And she was like, Are you kidding me? She was like, you know what bar we were at before we were back in our room like drinking 10,000 beers and like ranting and raving raving about what we're gonna wear this dance for? You don't remember where it was or if you went now, so it's very select like the

Michele Baci:

pregame? You remember then not the dance itself?

Kelly Mohen:

Whoa, it's like two days beforehand. It was like a Tuesday night we had like gone out to a bar. Yeah. Yeah. And Mary was like on one about whether or not she should wear this dress because she thought it was too short. And our like our other roommates then boyfriend is like really funny and was like gassing her up about like, usually wear that dress. And I had like a video of her coming out and like showing us the dress. And his like reaction that was like completely just before she was like, Oh my god, you look amazing. It was so stupid. But like the actual dance that we went to four days later where she weren't no idea. I was like, Where did that happen? She was like, I don't know. We don't know.

Michele Baci:

But it's very selective. Yeah. Well, I don't know your memory far exceeds mine from from our beginning of friendship.

Unknown:

Yeah, clear. So I have

Michele Baci:

a little roulette wheel. Do you want to spin it and see what it lands on?

Kelly Mohen:

Yes. How does this work? Are you just going to manually spin on my end on your end for on my behalf? Or do I like click a button?

Michele Baci:

Yeah, I will spend it for you. Why don't you say when you're ready?

Kelly Mohen:

I'm ready. So you're ready? Yes.

Michele Baci:

Okay, the internet's spinning. Alright, the question is, how are you staying entertained?

Kelly Mohen:

God you're gonna regret asking this I just

Michele Baci:

said like the longest eyeroll usually I do big eye rolls.

Kelly Mohen:

I'm really mad at you at like myself and like, having to realize the bullshit way I spend my days

Michele Baci:

whatever you're gonna say there's no judgment here. This is a therapy and comedy podcast. We accept everybody and all their entertainment values for the Bachelor so you're fine.

Kelly Mohen:

Have a question. And like, if you were like, what are you like? How's your romantic life? Are you worried about losing a year of your dating life? Sometimes? I don't know. But yeah, but

Michele Baci:

it again, if you want a new question

Kelly Mohen:

on it, all I do is entertain. Okay, so Okay.

Michele Baci:

The biggest pop culture aficionado of our age group for sure.

Kelly Mohen:

If anyone comes on and says they're bigger, officially not, as I will fight them on the podcast, we'll do some sort of a trivia off and if

Michele Baci:

we ever get each one special, I love 2020 I'm sure you'll be the first thing booked. I love that.

Kelly Mohen:

No, it was when they did that TV show World Series of pop culture. I was 15 years old. And I was like, that is what I'm meant to do in my life. And then of course, it canceled the show after like two seasons. I was too young to be on it but I was like, every answer to every question when they're asking about like subplots from Seinfeld in that show was on like when I was two what was like I know that that was from the

Michele Baci:

error like pop up video. Way back when?

Kelly Mohen:

Yes, I'm entertaining myself. I do have to say I don't know if you feel the same during quar I am way worse about like, work life distribution. Like I'm terrible about being like okay, it's five and I've been on this computer since nine I have to turn it off. I think it's all just like keep

Michele Baci:

it's all a myth work life balance. I've never had work life balance.

Kelly Mohen:

Correct. I also think like, being in a situation has made me be like, way more like I need to do less shift for other people. I know. That's like a mean thing to say. But just to be like you

Michele Baci:

do, you should only take care of yourself.

Kelly Mohen:

First, like four weekends of quarantine were like all plans were canceled. I realized like how infrequently I'm like, in my own house, in my own city, in my own bed on the weekends, because I'm always going somewhere and I've got someone's fucking wedding or bachelorette party or like you're

Michele Baci:

never on Long Island. You're always in the city

Kelly Mohen:

ever. And so I'm always like, why do I do that to myself like this has been like it's not restful, because I'm a horrific Insomniac. But it's like, there's something to being like existing in your own space. And like, I feel like I kind of thrive in chaos. And that's why I create so many things for myself to do. And as we've established I don't like being by myself. So I create many things to do. But at the same time I'm like, I'm going to start like hard knowing people on like invitations without a reason like I'm at the next time like some bullshit asshole invites me their birthday party and be like, no. I like secretly love that everyone's wedding got canceled this year. Fuck your weddings like I don't want to go to that anyway.

Michele Baci:

Like, no, it seems like such an ominous time to be planning something like a wedding. Like maybe the society should stop doing it.

Kelly Mohen:

So I've secretly been loving that. But yeah, work life balance has been bad. I've been working way too much. I only I took off. I decided to take a like arbitrary three day weekend, two weekends ago, because I realized I'd only taken two calendar days off for the year of 2021 in February before this happened, and I took off the day after my 30th birthday. So I could sleep in. Yeah. And that was it. And I was like, if the year had been normal, I would have taken several weeks off by now. Why am I so I just like I literally went into my boss and like a Tuesday and I was like I'm taking Thursday, Friday, Monday off and just elaborate. It was like I'm not.

Michele Baci:

Now, especially if you're getting those paid time off days, you might as well use them like Americans drive themselves into the ground working these jobs that do not care about us, you might as well take the days they give you.

Kelly Mohen:

Well, I'm 1099 I'm a contractor. So I don't get paid time off. But the point is, like I had already to take like two other trips. Normally, when that was when I would be taking time days off. I would have been like being like, fuck it, I'll take the hit and take the time off. And like because I'm at home, I'm like, this isn't a good reason to not get paid this week, you know, to me or like not get two extra business days paid this week. In the house already. You might as well work. Yeah. And I think there's also something he's doing for like, like work with children or something where you're, like, really feel like you're like giving of yourself or it's like, every time I take off, I never ever take a vacation where I don't answer my phone, or where I don't check my email the whole time. Because I feel like I have like parents of babies with serious disabilities who are reaching out to me being like, we really need this and it can't wait until Monday. And there's like an emotional guilt with that. So I'm like horrible about that. So I'm like, I would

Michele Baci:

imagine it hurts you more where you're more effective at your job if you allow yourself a real break.

Kelly Mohen:

People say that I used to feel like that when I was earlier on in this job. And now every time I come back, I'm just like, oh, like burnout is several years but like I feel like I'm very burnt out at my current position. Yeah, job forever. I know literally, it's the only real job I've had I've nanny shortly after college and then this was I've had this job for almost eight years insane. So I know. So there are more days off. Thank you. So that's one thing as far as I mean a lot of real garbage television as you know garbage television is when my true passions in life I've been getting I've been watching a loveseat Yes, big brother. Now that that's That's like a huge gift not

Michele Baci:

Julie Chen now and someone else right?

Kelly Mohen:

Well it's really cool and she she Julie Chen Moonves every time she introduced. This is your host, Julie Chen Moonves to like event her husband.

Michele Baci:

Chad I doubt that's your legal name. I i severely doubt Moonves is in there.

Kelly Mohen:

Clearly got an axe to grind. Like, do you chatbot whatever you want, like, I will watch your dumb ass show no matter what. But

Michele Baci:

that was big drama. Big drama with Les Moonves when that happened.

Kelly Mohen:

He's apparently complete cretin. I hope he rots but you also watch Big Brother.

Michele Baci:

As long as it's putting out good content. It's fine. Yeah, so I mean, there's very little the wife it's not the creep himself. So

Kelly Mohen:

yeah, exactly. She's just she's a Les Moonves apologist. Not an actual Hey, fucking CBS employee you get out of here

Michele Baci:

with I am no longer a CBS employee. I now work for a different company.

Kelly Mohen:

But yeah, I watch a lot of big brother and then also my latest one this has been my I've been shouting this from the rooftops because it's like, I realized that I I prefer to watch something that I think is bad and hate it. And to your point about your bring up before be like I'm better than these people, then to watch something I genuinely enjoy and like it. I mean, I do like watching things I genuinely enjoy. Like for example, I just finished HBO is Perry Mason. That was dynamite. I highly recommend it highly, highly highly Perry Mason. Okay, yes with Matthew rays from the Americans. That was great. But I also started watching on Disney plus what I think of every time because you remember in high school French how we would always watch that French TV channel canal plus, and it was channel in French with the plus sign next to it. So every time I see Disney plus, I'm always like Disney blues. Of course. I

Michele Baci:

don't remember Kelly. I only remember that we watched a movie called Crimson river multiple times. Because my French teacher was like, you know, you'll learn the language watching Crimson river again. That was about all of our syllabus was.

Kelly Mohen:

I don't know if I ever told you this, but I saw that guy whose name is escaping me at the moment. I saw him at a diner on Broadway in 100 and Third Street and like 2015 I literally like I like hid behind my menu to not say hi to our high school French teacher. But anyway,

Michele Baci:

I would have done the same job onto the floor under the booth.

Kelly Mohen:

So I saw I've been watching Disney fairytale weddings on Disney Plus, it is such an absolute dumpster fire. I mean one of my main like strata of human beings where I know with confidence I'm better than them is like adults who never grew out of Disneyland. Like that is like a weird segment of the population I can't relate to

Michele Baci:

that was one of my one of my former roommates, Disney shit all over the place. Like too much math, too much magic in her heart for this land that was not for her. It's for children.

Kelly Mohen:

therapeutically probably a lot to fucking unpack there because like, I think part of what makes me like, enjoy hate watching it so much. It's like there are particular lines that they say where you just realize like, it's literally Arrested Development, you are stuck in some way shape or form in your fucking childhood. And you're like I need to get married in front of Cinderella's castle, like all of my happy memories are associated with this. And therefore I can't picture like an adult's happy circumstance that doesn't take place here. I have to have my fucking wedding at Pandora the world of Avatar and Disney's Animal Kingdom like it's it's real psychosis. I feel like watching it. It's just you're watching it and you're just like, there's so much fun to watch.

Michele Baci:

It's like a reality show where you watch people get married and the Disney theme. Correct?

Kelly Mohen:

Correct. The format is that every episode has two couples on it who are either getting married or doing an elaborate proposal, which by the way, like the elaborate proposals are almost even better because like I keep texting my friend Mary who I've like roped into watching this with me where I'm just like, if a man ever think that there should be a flashmob associated with proposing marriage to me, inform him confidently that he is incorrect. Like you know what I mean? Like who would want this? But

Michele Baci:

also you're surrounded by all these strangers who are all going to film you and I don't know it's it's a lot of pressure.

Kelly Mohen:

On the flash mob episode, the one that really got me was that the groom wasn't even in the flash mob. He just like came out at the end with a suit and was like many like he didn't even learn the fucking dance. It was like the crew of professional Disney dancers like going for it and like breaking so sorry I'm trying a lot

Michele Baci:

is a flash mob is just like a dance with people Korea.

Kelly Mohen:

Like you know what I mean? You see them like viral videos. It's like when there's a whole bunch of people who look like they're random tourists in Times Square and then they all break out to like a synchronized routine to like chris brown sauce like that flash mob

Michele Baci:

selling you would see in a movie more often.

Kelly Mohen:

Yes. If you would see it in the film, just friends with Justin Timberlake. akunis. It happened in movies all the time. And it's done. Yeah, like it's like antithetical to what I value. you as a person. So anyway, so when does he wedding? Like an elaborate proposal such as the flashmob, which took place in front of Cinderella's castle What else? And, and or another wedding? And so it's like a wedding that takes place at Disney World.

Michele Baci:

And to be so expensive, like, that's all of your money for sure.

Kelly Mohen:

I feel like the show definitely subsidizes most of it. Because I feel like it's one of these like, Oh, this is nothing but one big commercial for Disney worlds. Like, that's what this is. But yeah, it again, like I think what really like keeps me in is like, when these people are reading their vows and they're like me without you would be like many without Mickey and if any better metaphor anything at all. And this is coming from somebody who's like a weird nerdy fan of a lot of things such as Star Wars, but like, for that online, you know,

Theme Song:

I mean, it just,

Kelly Mohen:

I feel very strange. Very strange. And like, also just to be like, you would allow anything in the confines of like your wedding, which is purportedly, quote, the most important day of your life, which this narrative of like the American cultural importance that we shipped on weddings, clearly is something I have not aligned with. But like for these people to be like, it's the most important day of my life. And I don't give one fuck about what happens as long as it happens in front of Cinderella's fucking castle. Like, that's kind of the weird thing to me where you're like,

Michele Baci:

you're playing way too much emphasis on this theme park that you've outgrown A long time ago.

Kelly Mohen:

A lot of people who were like, you know, only four of my friends could make it to the wedding because we had it in Orlando, and we're from like, rural Arkansas, and you're like, this is what was most important. Yeah, like, and also the I mean, there's so many things Michelle, I could go on for hours.

Michele Baci:

basis is you feel better than these people because they're getting married and Disney World and that's the most important day of their lives.

Kelly Mohen:

which is again, like I know a shitty thing because it's also can you compare,

Michele Baci:

I get it. I've been watching a 90 day fiance, which I had never watched before quarantine. But now I turn to my boyfriend. Like we have no problems. Look at these couples of 90 day fiance who don't even know each other.

Kelly Mohen:

And right where she's like living in the chicken house in the Philippines. And he is like I brought my own bedsheets because my skin is sensitive. Even though I put mayonnaise on my head every night to make my hair look good. Like, please.

Michele Baci:

TV tests, like just such extreme character people. Yes.

Kelly Mohen:

That is I mean, that's an entire different chapter of the DSM. But like, it's, I think, like,

Michele Baci:

they feel better to be like, I'm not one of these people. My life is fine. I have no problem.

Kelly Mohen:

I'm so bad. All I have to do is sit in my house with my mom and drink drinks and eat food. And like, neither of us lost our jobs. We're not going to starve to death. I'm just going to sit here and watch these idiots get married at Disney World and feel better about myself by comparison, which I realized that's like, I want to watch like elitist and shitty of me, but like, it's not has been my throat like I will just put that on and let it ride. Like I don't even sometimes I don't even watch what's happening with my mom and walk over and be like, did that guy just take an engagement ring out of a fake clam? And I'll be like, Oh, I guess he did like, you know what I mean? Like, it just happened.

Michele Baci:

My wrist situation. What if it gets lost in the clam?

Kelly Mohen:

Well, it was like, dude, I came to tell you that one was like he was scuba diving proposal. I was like, yeah, and like the man was like, do you know what's like? What's the

Michele Baci:

name of the show? Do you know off your head?

Kelly Mohen:

Disney fairytale wedding. And they do like, print one. So it's like there's one that's like holiday themed, which I haven't even gotten

Michele Baci:

so bad fairytale weddings it's not gonna end well.

Kelly Mohen:

It's always like our happily ever after. They cannot have a single couple that goes through the entire show without being like, today is our habit the start of our happily ever after. And it's like yeah, that's just like a fatal misreading of what life is

Michele Baci:

up to this point just been terrible and now it's gonna start being good.

Kelly Mohen:

Exactly like this is the rose colored ending of our like, it's not an ending. It's like the beginning of a lot of bullshit. And by the way, like, I don't have to explain this to you like, statistically like the most stressful years of the life for a marriage are like when you have young children and when you're in the thick of parenting. So by comparison where you are when you're getting married, is like you're up here and you're about to go to here so like if you enter with sorry I did. Again, not a visual medium but everybody listeners can imagine.

Michele Baci:

You go to the bottom

Kelly Mohen:

of Splash Mountain and you're going into the bright

Michele Baci:

so it looks like Ilan musk and Grimes broke up so they had a baby and brought out the worst in him most likely, from what I can gather. I'm

Unknown:

a cultural if

Michele Baci:

you read deep into Twitter, I think that's what's going on but no one really knows for sure.

Kelly Mohen:

You know, what's a cultural reference point for me that I think about all the time. It was of all things like a fucking Marie Claire Pease that Elon Musk's first ex wife Her name is Justine something she's writer she's on top of her shit.

Michele Baci:

Marie Claire has good articles. I think they're a good publication.

Kelly Mohen:

I've read like this one article and none other so I can't speak.

Michele Baci:

They publish any people.

Kelly Mohen:

I think I read it at like a nail salon like contemporaneously to when it was released, and it it's Elon Musk's ex wife talking about like, what it was like, like meeting him dating him getting married to him. They have like five kids so he has like five other times. I'm pretty sure they're always and yes, and then divorced her and left her for like a different British actress. And since the time of publication now Ilan, and Grimes and whatever is happening here there's like one grandson I like so same

Michele Baci:

delete forever.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah. But um, yeah, so he like he seems like a complete fucking shit. And this article doesn't even get into the fact that he's from like, old Emerald mine money and apartheid South Africa like really fucking

Michele Baci:

separate has, like, whatever genius he has Tesla's a great car company and everything but his Twitter persona, which is how I know him is garbage. So I'm sure yes. To him having children with him has got to be some kind of brutal experience.

Kelly Mohen:

I can no longer dissociate like Tesla ownership and like SpaceX, and like whatever innovations are coming up with with like, complete douchebaggery to the point where like, if someone was like, Oh, do you want a Tesla? I'd be like, No, I don't want to give Elon Musk my fucking money because I think you know what I mean, that I will watch fucking Big Brother till the cows come home, starring Julie Chen Moonves, but Ilan Musk, I draw the line.

Michele Baci:

You have to know what product you're buying and who you're supporting. So it's important. I'm not driving big into cars. But I would, I would look more into the Tesla situation just in LA. They're everywhere. So they're doing something right. I'm sure it's good for the environment. But Twitter, he also has to be improved.

Kelly Mohen:

I also appreciate what they're doing to the environment, but I can't get behind that like car that drives itself like night writer bullshit. Like I feel like that's like the level of autonomy that I would not be willing to give up. I don't even like driving to begin with, like, if you're in a car that drives itself. I mean, you're like, six steps removed from where I want to be like, I want to be in a city with reliable public transportation. No offense. I'll

Michele Baci:

see if it works. If the car can work safely. I'm all for it. But I would I would be pretty nervous to try it out.

Kelly Mohen:

A natural skeptic.

Michele Baci:

Yes. But in LA would help locks. I hate driving. But I want to ask you first I want to recommend Have you read Jia Tolentino his book trick mirror? Yeah.

Kelly Mohen:

I haven't like over there. But um, well, just because you're

Michele Baci:

talking about the opposition of marriage. I was gonna bring up her essay. I be dread which is her own stance on never never getting married. But I think it's really brilliant.

Kelly Mohen:

I yeah, I think she's absolutely genius. And like, even like, should she's written outside of that book. She wrote something for bone up on a bone appetit before. Like, we decided we were canceling bone up. Sure, like a piece

Michele Baci:

just about like, do the video channels canceled?

Kelly Mohen:

Yes. Yeah. Which makes me so sad. I love bone out. But it's gone now. But she will use she wrote a piece about like, allowing herself to eat all the pasta she wanted while she was finishing that book. And like that was she's just her writing is so gorgeous. Like, you feel like you know her. I love her. I love trick mirror. She's great. Yeah, but as

Michele Baci:

a raw honesty I really admire where it's like, why am I not honest in my own writing? Like, why can I admit what I want to admit? And I don't know. It's like, I'm always putting up a front somehow. So I have to break through that and be more like her.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, doesn't she do like a piece about we're all like constantly presenting ourselves the way we want to be presented like everything is it's her piece about social media, where she's like, it's all kind of a performance.

Michele Baci:

Like, it's about the internet and her book.

Unknown:

Yes,

Michele Baci:

I'm just reading it now. So I've read the last essay now the first essay, so I'm working through it.

Kelly Mohen:

I will try.

Michele Baci:

You know What's so funny? She said, like, you know, my internet persona is the real meek. That's the culture we live in.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, um, but the one about being on reality TV is amazing. I can't recommend that one highly enough. It's hysterical. I got to the last time. The last time I went out to dinner before quarantine like literally it was like probably we shouldn't have gotten that type of situation. Yeah. They've been in town from Ethiopia. The first week of March for work, and he invited me in Chow. These are all high school people, podcast listeners, to dinner to get sushi because it's hard to get Good sushi and Ethiopia, as you can imagine, because it's landlocked, not because of anything else about their, their sushi making abilities.

Michele Baci:

So I imagine this was different from New York, Ethiopia.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah. He said sometimes he said, there's one sushi place in Addis Ababa. And sometimes if you go there and order tuna, it's tuna for McCann, krill tuna.

Michele Baci:

Was he living there? He was living there earlier this year.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, he's been there for a while he actually moved there. He works completely via like telecommuting all the time. Because he moved there for a girl. It's not wild. But like, of course, like, I don't mind, I'll go to Ethiopia. I'll go anywhere. You know him. But um, so anyway, so he was in town for a week for work. Before all this shit hit the fan and was like weeks beforehand, and like, Hey, you guys want to go out for sushi. So we met him at a sushi place in Chelsea. And while we were there, we're like having drinks. And he is like a good reader. So he's like talking about what he's read recently. And he was like, actually, Kelly, do you know what i was reading? That was really good. Trick mirror by Gina talenti. Any literally, I asked. He's telling the story. I reached into my purse and pulled it out. And I had my like, library copy in my possession. And I was like, Yes, I'm reading it right now. She's a genius. Yeah,

Michele Baci:

but it sounds like they will be kindred spirits. Because he's living in Ethiopia. Then she was in the Peace Corps. So loving some various country.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, but um, yeah, I don't I don't feel like I have a hard line against I would never get married. I feel like I'm a huge skeptic. I think maybe. I think there's almost like a, an optimism that's almost blind, like, like, you have your blinders on a little bit when you're like, everyone who's our age, who's in their late 20s and early 30s, who's getting married now, like, I feel like you have to have not like, I feel like a lot of people who are married have like seen some shit in a way where they maybe would make different choices for themselves in their 20s not to say that they would have gotten married or been with the same person or whatever. But like, maybe would have done things differently, knowing what they know. And I feel like I have this like, you know, because I'm clearly so fond of myself. I think that like growing up in a situation where there were not one but many divorces in my household before I left for college, made me kind of realize like the impermanence of that and the impermanence of relationships and even familial relationships,

Michele Baci:

your parents divorced when you were young, and then they both got remarried and both got divorced again.

Kelly Mohen:

Correct. My mom did not officially marry her second significant other but they were together from when I was about seven until when I was 16. You seen a lot of like, he was

Michele Baci:

unions. And um, yeah, he was essentially,

Kelly Mohen:

you know, again, like to like try and have an iota of self awareness. I do notice. Not even like while I'm doing it, but just in like my habits, if you look at like, what you know about yourself in relationships, like I do, for someone who can I consider myself very open here I am on your therapy podcast, but at the same time, I do think there's like a wall that I put up a little bit, or like, reticence to be like, vulnerable, I guess. Yeah,

Unknown:

I do. I do,

Michele Baci:

too. I think I've been working on it more so in the past year, being in therapy and getting into Bernie Brown, who specializes in vulnerability

Kelly Mohen:

per night, she was a big part of theology curriculum, actually, it

Michele Baci:

adds, yeah, accessible and then it also makes you realize like we're all experiencing this stuff. We're all afraid to show our true colors and be vulnerable. So you know, the Yeah, the only thing holding you back is just not doing it. So why not try it and then if it sucks, you could take a break. But you're probably better off taking a leap of faith sometimes.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, completely and I think that that is like I do kind of exist in this like fear of rejection that I don't that I recognize colors a lot of my decision making but I don't like to talk about it I'm not like like I'm talking about it, but it's just like this kind of like i feel like i a lot of my choices are colored by fear of rejection and I don't know like, necessarily where I can't pinpoint where that comes from in my life, but at the same time I can see it at work you know what I mean? So I'm doing that like every everything in your life or just like with romance and dating and stuff, everything like I think that like keeps me kind of in the box that I'm in with regards to work and like having never applied to grad school even though that's technically a long term goal of mine You know what I mean? Like it's I think it like bleeds into multiple areas of life definitely with dating because as you know, our I don't know if you'd call this I have dating apps but treat them like a video game I just like swipe those

Michele Baci:

like yeah, I meant to ask you I forget if you're on the apps or like what your current stances

Kelly Mohen:

I am but like literally never like open them every once in a while and like largely use them as if you

Michele Baci:

were never don't you serious about them like I would treat them like a marriage courtship like Oh, if this if this message isn't well worded. I'm never talking to this man again.

Kelly Mohen:

No, I wish I took that more seriously because I know so many people like who are in successful relationships.

Michele Baci:

It's honestly yet it's like a roulette wheel, like you don't know what's gonna happen. I mean, if I had talked to my current boyfriend at length on the apps, I probably would have never met up with him. And now we're together. So I feel like you can't take it too seriously. But you can't take it not seriously at all, you have to give it a chance.

Kelly Mohen:

I guess that's also like, maybe this is like a piece of like, self doubt, but like, I also feel like like, I give good personality. Like, I don't feel like like anyone who likes like an assortment of four photos of me and be like her, like, you know what I mean? Like I don't. So that's like a an area of like, self doubt,

Michele Baci:

like you're much more, you're much more of a person in person. Like, I feel like I express myself well over words, over long crafted texts, but you are more exuberant in real life.

Kelly Mohen:

I'm a good writer, too. And I think I guess you are.

Michele Baci:

I think like, I think you this is your brain booper can bring more to the table.

Kelly Mohen:

I can show up at a place and feel like I want the people there to like me, and I feel like I can make people like even just like, by the power, wanting to

Michele Baci:

like, I feel like I can do the wedding. We went to Rebecca's wedding recently. You were like, this is gonna be the fun table. We're gonna have the best time and that we did

Unknown:

I do. That's not just a Becca specialty. But yeah,

Michele Baci:

even the fact that you that at every wedding, you're like, No, I'm gonna have the best time in the room.

Kelly Mohen:

I was wanting it back as wedding. So you're at a table people we knew very well. And the Yankees were playing that night and the ALCS. So I had like my fucking iPad out with streaming the game and back was mad me about it.

Michele Baci:

I forgot you're watching the Yankee game the whole time.

Kelly Mohen:

What a great time. I made friends with multiple other people who are interested in the goddamn Yankee score who came over to me and we're like, What's the score and I was like, Oh, my God home run. Like I was just like, absolutely dictating what was happening in the game. And then the Yankees got like a comfortable lead where I felt safe enough to leave the game and go to the dance floor. And then I was like, fucking gassing it up. But like Becca's dad's girlfriend like, going all the words like meatloaf song that you requested. I don't know. I just like, I don't know, I feel like like, I have easy access to like relating to other people. That's not like hard for me. It's

Michele Baci:

a magnetism about you in person. Whereas I would take a long time to feel comfortable around new people like that.

Kelly Mohen:

I would call it like magnetism. But just like, you know what I said, like I'm a true like, dyed in the wool extrovert, where I feel like I can like, get around other people and be like, I'm gonna make these people fucking like, yeah, and like, I find just in 90.

Michele Baci:

I feel like that's how we're friends. And that's just kind of your I've seen that attitude and you a lot and it works well for you.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, so again, like my thing, and that is like, I don't think that extends itself well to like social media, or Well, not social media, um, online dating. And I don't feel like I even put in the effort there. You

Michele Baci:

know, it's a lot of drudgery. It's a lot of bullshit most of the time.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah. And I just like, I also feel like a lot of the time I'm like, stretched so thin, like, because I already spend so much time with like, people I like, I'm like, I'm always making plans to do something. I'm never like, oh, what what do I have to do this weekend? Prior to quarantine, of course, that like, like, I wouldn't, there's no chance I would be like, I want to, like, spend tonight, meeting some random in person to like, see, like, you know what I mean? Like, that just sounds exhausting.

Michele Baci:

devotion of time. Like, it's a whole, at least an hour, it might be a whole night, you don't know what's gonna happen.

Kelly Mohen:

And people are like, well, that's how you if you want a relationship that you have to invest that time to get like a good result out of it. And I understand that, like, if you, you know, if you never play How can you win, right? And like, everybody does a shit now. But like, I just I've never been in a relationship with somebody that started that way.

Michele Baci:

It's to each their own. Like if you're not comfortable on the apps, and why bother with them right now? Especially, now's a terrible time to be on them. I think so.

Kelly Mohen:

I also, like some weird anxiety about that about like, the last three months of my 20s being spent in quarantine and now turning 30 and feeling like, you know, I feel like it's a pretty safe assumption that we'll be doing some form of this until next June, and then it's like, okay, so I wasted a year of the prime of my life staring at my mother's house.

Michele Baci:

Do you think you're really wasting it? Or are you just doing something different than you normally would be doing

Kelly Mohen:

it for not to feel this stuff is a waste? You know what I mean? Like, I feel like everyone feels that way about quarantine to a certain extent. I'm just trying to like not put kind of a lot of pressure on it or on myself where like, if it's like, you know, if my whole family lives to next June, that's pretty much all I can ask for if all my loved ones get through it. Like what more could you ask for? And like, I don't know, I just feel like I don't know. I feel like putting a lot of pressure on yourself for that shit is dating relationships and stuff. I feel like it's like,

Michele Baci:

especially because we're returning already this year 30 has a lot of segments to it. I know be were your recent 30 I'm gonna be 30 in a couple months.

Kelly Mohen:

So there's just like, yeah, everything, fuck something up and act like a moron. I feel like there's a lot now I'm like you're 30 there's no excuse for oh shit faced I threw up two times within a week of turning 30 twice. And both times it was like you are 13. Now there is no excuse for this, which is not even like a biologically sound excuse because your liver is less capable of processing alcohol, the older you get. So logically, yes, I'm becoming less tolerant to the amount of booze I'm used to drinking. Like, scientifically, that's how it should work. But in my head, it's like, you were 30 What is wrong with like,

Michele Baci:

you don't want to be getting sick from drinking. So the fact that you're older, you're like, I should get this I should figure this out.

Kelly Mohen:

Seems like childish behavior, like very much in the realm of like, I need to get my shit together. Like I don't know I 30 seems like a big year for I should be getting my shit together. And instead of having the opportunity to do that in any way, shape, or form, I'm just like, Oh, I better not lose my job. So I don't fucking starve to death. And like, better enjoy this nice cutie with my mom.

Michele Baci:

I think you're allowed to have at least one birthday pass like give yourself one night of hard. Yeah, hard scrutiny one night of a pass.

Kelly Mohen:

I think both really, we're all going to give ourselves a mulligan for 2020. Like, I think like, yeah, in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, when we talk about this, we're gonna be like, oh, that COVID like, you know what I mean? It's just gonna be like the great excuse, which I kind of love. But at the same time, like, I don't know, it's not great to feel like, like, I feel like a great example. Our friend Becca, who's planning we keep talking about, like, if this had to happen, probably six months after you had your wedding is a good time for it. So you can I don't know. I'll stay at home and like, raise your beloved dog macaroni or whatever. Okay, same shit. Okay,

Michele Baci:

but I am. I like the name. It's cute. I think it's Yeah, it's a weird time. If you're getting married, if you're having a baby for doing any big monumental step in your life, it's like, Whoa, you really have to reflect hard, because it's all we're doing right now. So I would try to not put pressure on yourself or take yourself too seriously carried your 30/30 birthday next year. And then my my therapist says, it's a hard time for everyone, we get to really try to hold on to what we love during all this. So that's what I've been trying to do.

Kelly Mohen:

It's got a lot of gravitas behind it. But I guess I mean, to that extent, I always think of in the sense of job, you know, friends dating, all that stuff. I always think about, like, you know, as much as I complain about like, all the time I spend with my family and like, I only hang out with my blood relatives during quarantine. Like, clearly, by the way I make decisions and orient my life. Like I clearly orient my life around family. And like, objectively on its nose. If you ask me, like, what would you want to orient your life around? Like, that's a good thing. So I don't like I don't guess I don't like criticize or fault myself for that. Like, yeah, perhaps I'm getting more time with my direct mother than I always try what but at the same time, it's just like, I don't think it's necessarily like you're in the sense of full clothes. What you want to be close, like, close to your family is that I'm never gonna be that as a net negative like, Oh, it's

Michele Baci:

not a bad thing. And it just you know, quarantining with anyone's gonna drive you crazy. So just sharing a small space. Well, we've been talking for a bit so I want to wrap up. I had one silly question for you. Which is I love which is I know that I don't know if the nail places are close in New York, but I know you get your nails and pretty often what have you been doing this whole time?

Kelly Mohen:

totally naked nails. I'm displaying them on the broadcast here. Yeah. So now this is there's no polish. This is just how they look. My last manicure The last thing I did the last weekend before quarantine. So here. The last weekend was March 7. And I had a wedding that weekend. And I went to it and I remember like thinking at the time, like this is probably dumb, but like it seems like no one went to that wedding. So like think it's fine. I had a

Michele Baci:

wedding on the on the 14th of March and it felt weird.

Unknown:

Yeah.

Michele Baci:

So the car was over the storm. And then it was the storm.

Kelly Mohen:

It was local New York. So like, I don't think I didn't fly to get there. I took a car. Like I think most of the people it was a couple from New York. I think everyone who went drove so I think maybe that helped us out a little bit. But anyway, that morning before I went to the wedding, I went got a gel manicure. We had the wedding that night. That Wednesday I think was like March 10, March 11. And that was the last day I went to work the 12th I was already scheduled to be at home because I was going to the doctor. And then the 13th which was the Friday my office emailed us and was like indefinite work from home as of Monday and I was like well I was at home yesterday and I'm I will not be coming in today and like I think all the time like probably a shitty thing to say to your boss but like probably really fucking smart because when you look at that like oh no when you look at that peak of like cases for like march april it's like every fucking time I didn't go out for one additional day in March in April I probably like protected myself you know so anyway,

Michele Baci:

yeah and the people around you to like just not going out to some public place and bars and restaurant helps everyone else in there.

Kelly Mohen:

Yes. So anyway, so the last day I left my house was the 11th of March and then and I got my nails on the seventh. And I literally felt like for months All I did was watch this gel manicure just grow out and I remember the last time I was like, I didn't have I thought about buying like the shit you need like the straight acetone, like take it off. And I was like, it cost like $20 and I was like this is dumb and and just grow out. Like the stupid things you'll draw a line in the sand about I will buy a bottle that cost $20 multiple times a week but I will not pay $20 for acetone nail polish remover, right?

Michele Baci:

We're in quarantine Why are you like giving yourself a hard time but beauty regimens.

Kelly Mohen:

I just kept like filing it because you know how you can kind of like file off gel manicure gel nail polish. So just get filing, filing. And then I remember it was like early June, my friend whose wedding I'd gone to I texted him and was like, yo, by the way, I just killed off the last of my nail polish from your wedding and it would have been three months. But yeah, my mom actually has gone back to getting her hair cut and her nails done, but I just feel like that's a little silly. And also you're very much in the person's face. Like I know the nail place that I usually go to they make you do like a mask and a face shield and all this stuff, but I just am like that they're open. They're open, but it's like no one is looking at my fucking nails ever. Like don't go to dance. I literally have seen I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen friends who are not my family in the last six months like no one cares that my fucking nail polish. So I huffing it out and I cutting my own nails and I don't even try and paint them. I just leave them it's fine. No one cares.

Michele Baci:

So good on you probably

Kelly Mohen:

answer as opposed to a silly one. But I like to view that as doing my part for Governor Cuomo sake for sure. I

Michele Baci:

mean, we I live next to a Dale place now and they've been closed. They've been open like one week this whole quarantine then la was like nevermind, and now they're shut down again.

Kelly Mohen:

So why can you ask you like, what is your like, everything's open here because our rate of infection is less than 1%. So like

Michele Baci:

then, like it's been high with the numbers and my office went back to work, but I'm still working from home. I'm still quarantined, and then they're only doing like outside restaurant dining. So it's kind of I think it's phase one. It feels very cautious right now.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, we're technically phase four. But under phase four, like Governor Cuomo was like, we're not gonna allow in New York City to go back to indoor bars or restaurants, which I feel like is the move that was totally smart. Like there's

Michele Baci:

more of like a New Orleans drink on the streets situation.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, which you know, what's so interesting? I have a friend whose sister is a police officer, and he was telling me that they told her like, kind of early in the quarantine I know hot topic. She's a cop. But they told her early in quarantine like don't take it anyone for any drinking related offenses, unless they're urinating in public. Like where it's just like an open container. Just let them let them live. Like

Michele Baci:

they're keeping the places alive. All those bars and restaurants are able to sell alcohol.

Kelly Mohen:

Yeah, so I followed this Twitter account called like faces of COVID that does biographies for people who have died of COVID. And so sad. You know what this is sounds make me sound again, I'm a horrible fucking person who's only interested in their own self interest. But today, I was reading either New York City, you know, that like website slash magazine eater. I was reading their ongoing compiled list of all the places that have closed down permanently because of like the downturn from quarantine. And it was I was just like, I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. It was like,

Michele Baci:

I mean, think about how hard it is to keep a business alive in normal times. No, so

Kelly Mohen:

I just like I feel like landscape in New York. Like I think I mentioned this year. I don't know that I have like I'm I'm back at work a couple days a week now. And the landscape of like being in New York City in Midtown where everybody works. It's just like everything is still closed. You're taking you're taking the Long Island Railroad or taking the subway retrains in three trains out but they're so empty, it doesn't feel like like, I don't know, the first couple days was very strange. And then like now it just feels like normal.

Michele Baci:

But do you wear a mask? Everyone's wearing a mask so

Kelly Mohen:

you have to Yeah, it's like the rules like they I feel like I've seen a couple will do like the nose pull down but like I don't know, I don't

Michele Baci:

I don't know what I'm in your

Kelly Mohen:

last I'm always just like what,

Michele Baci:

from what I hear New York is mostly following the rules not like here where it's like Everly hills. We've never heard of the Coronavirus like a lot of people People in LA could care less.

Kelly Mohen:

I feel like there's a couple fucking idiots who, like you encounter them from time to time but like, or like, unfortunately, like, you know, the population of homeless people has really just skyrocket, like where I feel like, every time I'm out, I see like, a huge number of people on the streets who are like, clearly not abled. Like you can't expect those people who can't like, fucking take care of themselves to be like, up and up on their mask wearing you know what I mean? So like,

Michele Baci:

This is not the time they're gonna suddenly get off the streets.

Kelly Mohen:

Like those people live in the subway, I don't care. But um, yeah, so except for that. So there's like a huge uptick in the number of homeless people who are not doing a great job of like social distancing and mass squaring. But like the subways empty the railroad is empty. And Midtown I work on I work across from Carnegie Hall I work on 56 between six and seven and there's all those stupid like lunch places nearby like AAA and you know, chopped and sweet green and all that stuff. All of it is closed. You can't play anything.

Michele Baci:

All the little chains are closed. Yes,

Kelly Mohen:

I mean, I don't know if they're going to reopen at some point but every like stupid little place for us to be able to get like a fucking parfait and a latte before you went to your office. All of it is cool.

Michele Baci:

Midtown also Midtown neighborhood worship closes during the week, like after work hours. It's kind of like a nine to five type of neighborhood. Yes, and no, there

Kelly Mohen:

are a lot of like nine to five like lunch only type of places, but like, like the food borrows. Oh, there's a bar that's hysterical. called the carny club. And I get the sense it's like probably like a very well established old bar. And I've been there two different times, both times not because I was looking to like, get fucked up and meet someone it was like in the sense of like, one polite afterward drink, right? It is cigar bar. So both of the times I was in there one time I was in there. I was the only female in the establishment one other time I was in there. There were two other women there and I was pretty confident that they were sex workers. Good for them. They see Well,

Michele Baci:

your town. It's where everything is. Yeah,

Kelly Mohen:

exactly. That's where the rich businessmen are. So do you absolutely. But like is this during during the current time or before quarantine?

Michele Baci:

You went to the bar? Oh, obviously.

Kelly Mohen:

I have not been to a bar. I can tell you like No I'm not.

Michele Baci:

I know they're open. They're open around the country. But it wasn't sure about New York like the South

Kelly Mohen:

open. Governor Cuomo I was like absolutely not New York City now. But Carnegie club. This is hysterical opened, like patio dining. So the only two times I had been in there before quarantine one time, I was the only woman and other time there were two other women. And both times it was like once I was with like my brother once I was with somebody I worked with. And the second I was left alone at the bar like some weird man come approach me like literally the moment like my brother was like, I have to go to the bathroom. And then some man was like my guy who had drank and I was like, No, like I'm here with somebody. No, right. So the cigar bar has now opened sidewalk cigar barring, I guess it's not even like dining. I don't know that they serve food beyond like an olive platter. And so they have like a huge set of tables on 56th Street across from Carnegie Hall. It just reeks bar smoke all the time. Just all the same old men who used to like post up at this bar and drink their martinis are so good for them. Like honestly what else you're going to do, but it just reeks like cigar smoke. And then every time I walk into my office, it's like you get catcalled Yeah, it's like it really

Michele Baci:

fits with the apocalypse vibe.

Unknown:

So it's like

Kelly Mohen:

you're walking through Midtown, like every fresh and company is closed down with like, signs up. They have like half

Michele Baci:

Polish but you can get cigars

Kelly Mohen:

and it's just like you're getting fucking hit in the face with cigar smoke with like old men drinking their martinis. Like it's 1930 like, hey, doll like, you know what I mean? Like hitting on you with old timey terms. You would never even think like

Michele Baci:

this is this is the roaring 20s coming back at you.

Kelly Mohen:

I know. Honestly, I always take my one coworker sassily, who's really fun and chill. Everyone else I work with kind of sucks. But I have one co worker. And I always say to her I was like I would love one day if we just got really dolled up and went to the Carnegie club and purchase nothing for ourselves. So like, I tried really hard to be like I would like a gin Martini. Thank you and just like see what happens. Like,

Michele Baci:

I feel I just feel like I feel like you could accomplish shekel pretty easily,

Kelly Mohen:

easily easily. We're just like a thing I always say and then we never do because it seems like again vaguely anti feminist and its roots but you know I just like one time I'd like to go there

Michele Baci:

unless you're on that track to fuck the patriarchy that day and you're like this is my day to to whatever I want and not care what the repercussions are.

Kelly Mohen:

Just go in there and try and meet a guy who will let me peg him after a couple martinis. I don't know.

Michele Baci:

I mean, anything's possible in Midtown.

Kelly Mohen:

Isn't that the truth

Michele Baci:

and also alcohol is overpriced. So you do you

Unknown:

That's true. Now we're gonna

Michele Baci:

wrap up Is there anything you want to promote or share with the audience before we say goodbye?

Kelly Mohen:

mode? Nothing at all? Absolutely not. I'm glad that you are providing the space. I feel like this is definitely more bullshit oriented and less introspective than I thought it would be so and I mean, that is a compliment in the fact that I was

Theme Song:

a good mix.

Kelly Mohen:

Good. All right. I hope it was entertaining for your your dear listeners. And

Michele Baci:

for sure. It was a lovely conversation.

Kelly Mohen:

I can't wait to have your boyfriend who's never met me listened to this and edit.

Unknown:

It's gonna be awesome.

Michele Baci:

I mean, I think you'll learn a lot about me in this whole process. So it'll be both ways will be like, oh, what are we? What are we doing? Yeah, I

Kelly Mohen:

also I couldn't give two shits about what is said about me. So please publish why, but that's fine. And tell everyone shout from the rooftops all of my, like, emotional shortcomings for judging people who have their wedding in Disneyworld. So you know?

Unknown:

Well, yeah, I'll

Michele Baci:

talk I'll talk to you more about where and when it'll come out. But for now, this has been Therapy Roulette, consent to event you can follow at Therapy Roulette on Instagram and Twitter. Make sure you check out the podcast description to follow myself, Michele Baci, and my guests on social media. And you can email the pod with an issue that you'd like my amateur psycho analysis on right into Therapy [email protected] And let me know if you'd like to stay anonymous. Maybe I'll read your email on air. Make sure to subscribe, rate review and tell your friends I'll be back with a new episode next week.

Theme Song: Therapy Roulette:

Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you dont have problems, then youre likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Whos not me)

Intro
Interview with Kelly Mohen