BBR #191: Building Self-Trust to Conquer Anxiety

In this episode, we dive into the tricky but essential process of building self-trust and its deep connection to how we experience anxiety and stress. 

Anxiety often stems from an overestimation of threats and an underestimation of our abilities to handle them. Naming your emotions and sensations in your body is one of the best ways to manage them effectively. 

Awareness allows us to bring control and understanding to our feelings, empowering us rather than leaving us feeling powerless. 

When we have a strong sense of self-trust, when we believe that we will be able to figure it out or handle the outcome, we are less likely to have so much fear come up. 

Building self-trust involves acknowledging and honoring our feelings and needs. When we dismiss or shame ourselves, we create an internal environment of threat, leading to unnecessary anxiety and stress. 

I talk about some of my personal struggles and insights with fear and anxiety and offer practical tools to help build self-trust so you can face your days without anxiety taking over. 

Get in there and give it a listen for more! 

Chapters

• 0:00 Building Self-Trust and Anxiety
• 9:18 Building Self-Trust Through Movement and Action
• 18:20 Gratitude for Listener Interactions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome back to the Brain Body Resilience podcast. I'm your host, jpb. This is episode number 191. Today we have another throwback episode. I was going through the previous episodes to see if anything kind of jumped out at me, for this episode and this one was originally released a little over two years ago and is a reminder that we can't hear enough of this episode is all about building self-trust and how that directly affects the levels of anxiety we experience. When we build self-trust, we are acknowledging and honoring our feelings and needs, and if someone is ignoring you, you probably won't trust them, and that includes you. If you are constantly ignoring your basic needs and feelings and what's going on inside of you, you are not going to trust yourself to meet your needs and handle business when needed. In this episode, I talk about some of my personal struggles and insights with fear and anxiety and offer practical tools to help build self-trust so that you can face your days without anxiety taking over. So let's get into it and hope you enjoy what is up. Hello there, my name is Jessica Patching Bunch, you can call me JPB, and this is Brain Body Resilience. This is a podcast dedicated to growth, human development and stressing a little bit less so you can go ahead and live a little bit more. Hello my friends, welcome to episode number 93 of the Brain Body Resilience podcast. I'm your host, jpb. Today we're talking building self-trust and anxiety. I also have a story for you, so let's get into this.

Speaker 1: 2:12

Building self-trust is tricky for some of us, but it has a lot to do with how and how much we experience anxiety and stress, because anxiety is the overestimation of the threat at hand and the underestimation of our ability to overcome said threat or challenge or deal with that outcome, whatever that is. When we have a level of self trust and confidence in ourselves to be able to handle whatever it is that comes our way Not that we're going to love it, not that it's going to work out perfectly, but that we're going to be okay and we're going to figure it out. When we have that level of self-trust, anxiety is less likely to wrap around us and hold us tight. So for me, I'm going to weave this story throughout here, but I have been more aware of how fearful I am lately. I feel like afraid a lot like daily, a lot like daily and all day sometimes, and I don't remember ever feeling so much of this and then I realized that I am just more aware of it now because the body sensations are not necessarily unfamiliar, I just notice them. I'm aware of my hypervigilance much more. After a therapy session in couples therapy, which let me tell you that shit is hard. I went into this couples therapy adventure that I'm on with my husband, super confident in my ability to therapy, which says a lot. Right there, there's a lot of layers, lol, okay, but real talk, doing that work with someone else and alongside someone, that shit is hard.

Speaker 1: 4:18

So, anyway, we're talking about how the symptoms of PTSD show up in our relationship and then, after that, it was like I had unearthed a whole host of behaviors and feelings that I hadn't recognized before, and I know that it has to come to the surface before it can be released. We can't manage or control something we're not first aware of, and naming that thing, the emotion, the sensation, the worry, the experience that we're having is useful. The psychologist Dan Siegel refers to this practice as name it to tame it. It's also true that we can't change what we don't notice. If we don't notice it or bring awareness to the thing and then have a language to interact with that thing, we can't do anything with it and that leaves us with a very powerless feeling. Having language, our language, shapes our experience and so having the language, the vocabularies to help us process, help us with the experience we're having, help communicate what that experience is to others, is incredibly important, and I'll do another episode on the power of language.

Speaker 1: 5:35

So anyway, I've been walking at night trying to get my steps in and having a lot of fear around my safety. I was walking past an old couple with their tiny dog and had an instant story come to mind about their like secret plot to get me and maybe, I don't know harvest my organs. I'm not sure because I didn't get far enough to know why they wanted to get me, but definitely that they were out to get me. And even just saying this out loud is all it takes sometimes to realize our fear is unfounded. But in that moment it was very real, regardless of how ridiculous I even knew it was then. And part of that is that I've seen enough movies to know that nice little people aren't always what they seem. They might be a double agent working against you, I don't know. I've also had enough lived experiences in my developmental years where I was not safe with the people who were supposed to be keeping me safe, that I have a level of difficulty with trust.

Speaker 1: 6:35

And so this brings us to trust and who we can and can't trust. Actually, that's way too long and complex. We're just talking about the one most important trust relationship you will ever have, and that is with yourself. Self-trust is a really hard thing to achieve when we aren't aware of our own feelings and needs, because we end up looking outside of ourselves in fear that we will be making the wrong decisions, the wrong choices, and then doubt our ability to choose what is best for us. Or at least you know trust that we can figure it out. And when you spend your time dismissing your feelings, dismissing your experience, dismissing yourself and then judging and criticizing and shaming yourself, it's really hard to build trust with. And when that person is you, your internal environment is a threat, so everything feels threatening and you're anxious and stressed and questioning everything you do. And so back to my story here.

Speaker 1: 7:41

I had an opportunity to go to a self-defense class today with my friend Holly, whose information I will put in the show notes, because Holly is holding a series of self-defense workshops here in the Portland area. So if you're local, check them out If you're interested. It was incredible. So this workshop we went over how to get just not how to not get taken, and it was amazing. It was so simple. And afterwards I thought about how just having any idea of what to do reduces the worry about what you'll do in a situation, because you already know, because you've taken the time to learn it. And even better, if you take more time to learn something so well that the patterns are strong enough to be habituated, meaning that you know you just do it automatically, given the situation, you know your body already knows how to react because you've been training and creating those habits and patterns in your movement and in your responses. And I am by no means in this place after one workshop, but I do have just an idea. I have more tools in my tool bag than I had before I went to the workshop and that gives me more confidence that I can figure it out. We've talked about this before, but your brain has to know it's safe. Before it can know it's safe, you have to do the thing to build the confidence in order to lower the fear. And this ties into one of the reasons that physical activity, strength, speed, agility workouts are so good for you in building confidence and lowering stress.

Speaker 1: 9:18

Besides the actual like balancing of the neurochemicals and hormones, we have a sense called proprioception, which is sensing yourself in space, but also sensing yourself in the world. It's your brain's capacity to sense your body's movements and the stories we choose to tell about what we're capable of. And movement changes those stories. When we feel ourselves lifting heavy shit, running further, running faster, physical accomplishments can change how we think about ourselves and what we think we're capable of. In her book, the Joy of Movement, dr Kelly McGonigal says through movement and muscular contraction we literally sense ourselves as someone who exists in and interacts with the world. When we contract our muscles we are sending information with proprioception to our brain about what is happening in our body, in the world and how it shapes our self concept. The self awareness space in the brain receives those signals from your muscles and your organs. Your body is telling you that this is your body moving. This is your heart beating, this is your arm extending, your legs moving, all these things. So these signals from your heart, your lungs, your gut, your inner ear, your body tells you this is you. So proprioception changes as you participate in physical activity. It changes as your body changes. It changes as the experiences you have in your body change and it's the experiences you have in your body change and it's shaped by the qualities of your movement. When you move with power, speed, grace, your brain gets that information that you are graceful, you are strong, you are powerful. It shapes your internal awareness of yourself, your sense of yourself, proprioception, and how you see yourself in the world. Once you've sensed yourself as powerful, it changes how you see yourself and what you're capable of.

Speaker 1: 11:24

And after just one self-defense workshop that I took today, I feel less anxious because I know how strong I felt in my body. I know I have the movements and tools to turn to should I need them. Also, this is why I sprint and lift heavy shit, because I'm super fast and strong. But having that additional knowledge of how to use my body in certain situations Just the biomechanics and how to leverage angles when you're dealing with interaction, physical interactions with another person Super good knowledge to have Highly highly recommend you check out the information that I'm going to leave for Holly's workshops if you're in the Portland area. So you know, I'll say it a thousand times.

Speaker 1: 12:12

Action is the key to minimizing anxiety and overwhelm. You can't talk yourself out of something that didn't start in your head. Anxiety is a sensation in your body, a mobilization of the stress response, and then your frontal brain tries to make sense of the feelings and starts telling whatever story it can to try to make sense of it. So, bringing this full circle talking, you know, anxiety and self-trust. Besides the physical movements that I just talked about, here are five things I want to give you, five kind of tangible things that you can start doing right now, today, to start building more self-trust, so that you can give yourself that reference point in your brain that you are capable, that you are reliable, that you are the person who can figure out how to deal with whatever it is. Whatever the outcome is is figureoutable.

Speaker 1: 13:04

Number one invest in yourself because you're worth it. Invest your time, invest your money, invest your attention. Learn things from the people doing the things you want to do, living in the way that you want to live. Invest in your future self. Number two try new things, things that you're not going to be good at, fail a whole bunch and then learn so that you know you can handle it and then keep going. So you have those reference points for your brain. Number three give it the time it actually takes, not the time you want it to take, because we all want immediate results. Nothing sustainable and long-term happens like that. Give it the time it actually takes. Happens like that. Give it the time it actually takes.

Speaker 1: 13:53

One of my mentors, the fantastic Dr Chante Cofield I know she didn't make this up, she got it from somewhere, but I'll give her credit you know, 18 months to two years. If we're measuring time in 18 months to two years, you're not going to be disappointed. Shit takes time and that time is going to pass anyways. So work on the thing that you want to be working towards. And number four honor your commitments to yourself. This one is huge. Something as simple as I'm going to get up 10 minutes earlier and start my day in silence. I'm going to walk in the morning or whatever it is you want to be doing your nervous system hygiene practice. I'm going to practice my breath work so I can pause all these things that we tell ourselves we're going to do, and then we don't actually make time for.

Speaker 1: 14:36

Keep whatever promises you make to yourself because it matters. You learn to trust yourself when you show up as a reliable person for your self. Somebody just told you, like every day, that they were going to do something. After a while, when they don't do that thing, you don't believe them. It's the same thing with yourself, and I've heard some of y'all say like I can never stick with anything.

Speaker 1: 15:01

And on that, make sure that the things that you're committing to are things that you actually want to be doing and not what you think you should be doing or something that you're shaming yourself into, because shame and criticism are not sustainable motivators. So if something makes you feel good, you enjoy doing it. You feel good. Afterwards you'll be more inclined to do it again, even when it takes effort, especially when it takes effort, because you know that what you worked for, that effort that you expended, you see the results for it and it makes you feel good. So cut out the shame, cut out the criticism, cut out the judgment. We don't have time for that shit.

Speaker 1: 15:37

And lastly, be consistent, and that doesn't mean every day. Consistency does not mean every day. It doesn't mean don't miss a Monday or any shit like that. It means, with continued frequency over time, make it attainable for you. This is your life. What does consistency look like? And that will change maybe from week to week, certainly from season to season. Sometimes we have more time and energy to give, sometimes we do not. So lower the barrier to entry so you can stay consistent over time.

Speaker 1: 16:12

Set goals that are easy to achieve, do those things, show up for yourself and watch that trust grow Baby steps. There is no need to make that shit any harder than it needs to be. I used to feel and I know lots of folks out there still do feel like if something wasn't, you know isn't hard, it's not worth it, it's not you're gonna go for the hardest thing. I'm here to tell you it's okay to make it as accessible and easy as possible. There isn't any shortage of hard things in life. So when you're setting up goals for yourself to build self trust with, make that shit easy and then move on. Get those reference points for your brain, build some self-trust, understand that you show up for yourself, understand that you're capable of these things Because, again, anxiety is the underestimation of your ability to raise, to rise.

Speaker 1: 17:08

I'm just going to start that over because I can't talk right now, which is unfortunate on a podcast, but I stopped doing the thing where I rerecord and try to be perfect, because we're all human here. So let me start this reverse Anxiety is the underestimation of your ability to rise to the challenge and figure it out. So practice giving yourself those reference points and watch how you start to trust yourself a little bit more as time goes on. That's all I've got for you today. I'm going to leave it there. Leave you with those tangible to-dos. That is my challenge. You is to look at those things and see where you can insert those five things maybe not all of them, some of those five things, a couple of them, one of them, whatever you have time and energy to do into your week and start building more of that trust, Because anxiety and overwhelm and stress come from a lack of trust in ourselves and that criticism fuels a lot of that. Something to think about. I really am going to leave it there.

Speaker 1: 18:20

Thank you so much for being here today and joining me for this conversation. If you enjoyed it, please share it with a friend so that they might enjoy it as well. I am incredibly grateful you're here. I'm always happy to hear from y'all on what resonates. I am so grateful when y'all share your stuff on social media. Tell me about the things that landed. You're the greatest. I don't always know. It's interesting when you're doing a podcast. You're just kind of talking into this void. I'm just sitting in this room into this microphone by myself, so it's awesome to actually hear from you guys and know what your thoughts are around this. So, genuinely, I'm so grateful for those interactions that we have, so I'm going to leave it there. I think that's the third time I've said that. Until next week, I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful week, peace.