Stoic Wellbeing
A show for people who are ready to radically transform their lives through the use of Stoicism, modern psychology, and practical skills. Communication and mindset and coach Sarah Mikutel shares actionable exercises, interviews and stories to help you feel more peaceful, enjoy happier relationships, and live a more smoothly flowing life. If you’re stuck in a transition point — you know WHAT you want to change and can’t figure out HOW to move forward — this show is the roadmap you’ve been looking for.
Stoic Wellbeing
Your Comfort Addiction is Costing You
Comfort can quietly cost you the life you really want. When we play it too safe in the name of avoiding unpleasant thoughts or feelings, we drift away from our values and the things that bring meaning, energy, and connection. The Stoics offer a way back through intentional action, self-inquiry, and showing up with integrity – even when it’s uncomfortable.
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I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, a communication and mindset coach. My work is about helping people like you share your voice, strengthen your relationships, and have more fun.
As an American expat living in the U.K., I value curiosity, courage, and joy. A few things I love: wandering European streets in search of the best vegetarian meal, practicing Italian, and helping my clients design lives that feel rich and meaningful.
If you're ready to have conversations that open doors – in your career, your relationships, and your life – let’s talk.
Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot?
I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.
Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.
I'm outside walking along the beach, and it looks like a clear day. There's a blue sky, the sun is out, but I can't see France the way I often do when I'm looking out at the sea. Because across the channel in the distance, Hayes is hanging over the French coast and hiding its shore. It's still there, but I can't see it. And if I didn't walk by here every day, I wouldn't know what I was missing. This got me thinking about a conversation I had recently with a man who talked about how his life is perfect. He loves his family, loves his career, never feels upset or anxious, but he wonders if something is missing. And as we're talking, I realize that he has crafted a life for himself where he doesn't have to feel any negative emotion, or at least he's trying to mitigate that as much as possible. Over the years, he has withdrawn from friends, started working from home, and now he only hangs out with his family, and this feels comfortable, and maybe that's enough. Only it isn't because he knows there's something under that veil of haze that he's forgotten about or doesn't want to look at. If that weren't the case, he wouldn't have brought this up in the first place. This questioning of is something missing or what is missing? My question for you is where might you be coasting or wrapping yourself up in a protective cocoon instead of moving forward on a goal that scares you or a goal that's important to you? Where are you choosing temporary comfort over longer-term satisfaction and meaning? I will raise my hand as someone who's historically been addicted to comfort. This is part of my Enneagram 9 slash self-preservation tendencies. I've been the kind of person who'd walk in and out of restaurants until finding one with the right vibe, the right menu, the right sound level, who turned on the heat as soon as the temperature dropped, who is not a natural planner, except for anticipating when I might be hungry and then making sure that doesn't happen. That's all physical stuff. I also used to be an expert at emotional avoidance as well. I ran away from what I perceived to be conflict, and I did my best to stay invisible in meetings because being seen felt so uncomfortable, and I did not want to have to deal with those emotions. And quite frankly, I don't even think it was on my radar as something to fix. It was just a situation that I didn't like being in. I had so much anxiety coursing through my body, and I never stopped to rationally ask myself what it was that I was afraid of. I also did not ask myself what I was sacrificing by staying silent. To flourish in life, the Stoics give us three guiding disciplines, and we can think of them as a kind of compass to bring us back to what matters to us when we are drifting. These disciplines help us move through the world with more awareness and intention. So they pull us out of that haze and they help us see the world with more clarity and help us take more action. And they are the discipline of desire, of assent, and of action. So the discipline of desire, this is learning to want what is up to you, what's in your control, and this is your character and your choices. And loosening your grip on outcomes that you can't guarantee. And knowing the difference, this is wisdom. So the question is, what's in my control here? The discipline of ascent, this is about bringing curiosity to the thoughts that pop into your mind and challenging their truth. So when we're thinking unhelpful thoughts, the discipline of ascent helps us clean up thinking traps such as catastrophizing, mind reading, all or nothing thinking. And a question here is what's another way to look at the situation? And then we have the discipline of action. This is doing the right thing for the common good to the best of your ability. So it's staying mindful of what's my role here? I had a client once say to me that she knows something needs to change, but things are more or less fine for now. And so she was avoiding taking action. She was comfortable and uneasy at the same time. She wanted to move forward in life, but she was also assenting to the thought that she'd change eventually when she felt motivated or things got worse. She wanted to avoid the discomfort of change because change feels uncomfortable. And if things are fine for now, it's understandable why someone would give into that desire for coziness and avoid trying something new. So she wasn't taking any action. And we talked about this metaphor. Let's say you have the long-term goal of losing 20 pounds so you can feel healthier, have more energy, so you can follow your creative pursuits, but you keep giving into the short-term pleasure goals. I'm tired, I'm gonna order a pizza, I will start working on that project after I make myself a snack. Everyone else is drinking, so I have to. Giving into these impulses to avoid feeling any discomfort, wanting that short-term pleasure. And if you're doing that, then you're straying away from your values of health and creativity. And then you start making excuses for why you keep giving in to these impulses. Things are more or less fine. Maybe I don't need to lose 20 pounds, I can always start next week. We love to make excuses for why we give in to what we say we don't want and why we avoid what we know is good for us. My point isn't that you shouldn't ever indulge. It's that when we become addicted to comfort and temporary pleasure, we lose track of the bigger picture of what's really important to us in our lives, what we truly value, and what's in our control. Maybe despite your best efforts, you don't lose 20 pounds, but you do lose five. And what's really important is that the steps that you took to get there improved your sleep, improved your energy levels, and now because you took action based on your longer-term values, now you have more stamina and energy to complete your novel or whatever your creative pursuit was. The Stoics talk about the stoic archer. Imagine somebody aiming a bow. You can have a target that you're shooting for, but something might happen. Wind might blow the arrow off course. So even though you had every intention of hitting that target, it wasn't completely in your control. So the outcome is out of your hands, but the pursuit is in your control. So what do you want? And I'm not talking just about big things like starting a business or getting married or moving abroad or getting divorced. Maybe you want to say no to an invite or ask somebody out. Here are two values or virtues that can help you: discipline and courage. Discipline to help you push through your avoidance, and courage to rise to the challenge. You are training your brain to care most about what's truly up to you, your character, and choices. So you can let go of those perfectionist tendencies and live a more free-flowing life. So if you're feeling a bit blah or stagnant in life, you might want to ask yourself, when is the last time I really challenged myself? When is the last time I tried something new or tried doing something in a different way? Am I living a life rich with experience? Am I connecting with people? Do I want my life to be fine for now? Or do I want it to be exceptional? Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I'm Sarah Michatel, your communication and mindset coach. And I am curious, what goals do you have for yourself this year? Send me a message on Instagram or find me on my website, and let's talk about how you plan on taking action this year.