Do I Deserve To Be Healthy?

Underneath all our efforts to get healthy, can lurk a shadowy part of us that doesn't believe we should be. It can affect not just our health, but every phase of our lives! glenellynmfr.com

Transcript

Do I Deserve to Be Healthy?

“You do not have to be good. You not have to crawl on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”. 

- Mary Oliver

Hello everyone, and welcome to a new episode of Healing You Own Pain. My name is Greg and I’m an expert level MFR therapist and owner of Glen Ellyn Myofascial Release, an in-person and on-line treatment center for pain relief, injury rehabilitation and physical and emotional healing.

Today’s episode is called, Do I Deserve to Be Healthy?

So, this is not a frivolous question. The true answer to that question determines the state of our physical and emotional health.

Let’s begin by considering your response to these statements. Have you ever said to yourself or someone else?

·         Well, with my luck . . . that’ll never happen. Or, I never win anything.

·         I’ll believe it when I see it.

·         Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

·         I’ve tried everything. It’s no use.

·         I could never do that.

Sometimes in an unguarded moment, regardless of our professed beliefs these little frogs pop out of our mouths betraying an underlying negative self-judgment. It might be worth taking a moment and, like Alice, follow that little rabbit down its hole to see where it leads. Why do this? Well, I’ve found what I deny or ignore runs me. Just as I was coming through the pain of an upper back injury, I ignored that small voice that said don’t shovel the drive that morning and had a huge 2-month relapse. And then when feeling better, overdid my exercise routine and had another setback. My clients often have similar stories. Even though they’ve learned the proper, supported way to bend and reach, one told me, when his phone fell, without thinking he bent to retrieve it and an immediate stabbing pain dropped him to the ground.

When we’re unconscious (not in the body) and take action on auto-pilot, accidents occur from our unconscious actions. Have you ever noticed when you injure or bruise yourself somewhere you keep bumping it into something, aggravating the same injury again and again? It took me years to realize I wasn’t losing my short-term memory because I often couldn’t remember where I put my phone, keys or wallet. Eventually I realized my mind was somewhere else when I put those things down so there was no memory to recall. I wasn’t there. Once I practiced saying out loud what I was doing in the moment I could recall everything. Paying attention reduced the number of accidents as well. So, an additional benefit of being present in the body is, not only can you heal it, but we can prevent injuries in the first place. So why do we vacate, and stay away for years? Is there something wrong there? Some old demon we don’t want to feel or face? An old core belief, an addiction, just below our awareness we ignore but somehow keeps sabotaging our progress, buckling our knees just when we’re reaching for the prize.

I can still remember Dad belittling something I had done and was proud of. The phrase “Who do you think you are?” still rings in my ears. Or the time my whole 4th grade class laughed at a question I dared to ask. (Which in hindsight was pretty astute for a 9-yearold). The clear message I got from many variations on these examples was: Play it small, don’t take risks and you won’t be criticized or humiliated. It was my version of the “Not good enough” message almost everyone I’ve ever met can claim. In hindsight I can see that message became boilerplate, the template that ruled every phase of my life from then on. I became cautious, calculating, looking for small crumbs of praise, not daring or taking chances where I could fall on my face. It followed me in school and later in business, marriage, partnerships, parenting, regardless of all the work I had done, or the positive self-talk I practiced.

It surfaced again some years back when training to become an MFR therapist. Upon completing a Skill Enhancement course with John Barnes and his lead therapist I asked if they thought I was ready for MFR III, (the final course for Expert level certification).

I was told, “You’ll be an expert therapist when you believe you are.” I still have the post-it note she gave me that asks simply, “When are you going to believe in yourself”.

And there it was. My whole life I’d been looking for someone to tell me I was good enough, to give me the “atta-boy” that Dad withheld. I realized I’d made a silent bargain with Dad and everyone else to live below the surface. To not threaten him or anyone else, in order to get the meager crumbs of praise I craved. So, whenever I challenged my pre-set thermostat setting for success, even greatness, I would have an accident, have an injury, get criticized and I’d scamper back and lick my wounds.

In order to heal anything, to achieve anything we bump up against that original question: “Do I deserve to be healthy?” And it’s not as easy as saying: “Of course I do.” What often happens when challenging our long-held, self-drawn limitations are some nagging questions.  Can I risk failure, humiliation and most of all, success, even greatness? It rips you out of your comfort-zone. There’s great excitement in it, there’s possibility and there’s dread, in realizing that my limitations, if not self-created were certainly self-perpetuated, especially as a middle-aged adult. But what I found was every small step or challenge outside my safety net was another rip in the old contract with dad to play small. It’s not just a challenge to yourself but often to those around you. We have contracts with friends, family, co-workers to show up in a certain way. When you break through your ceiling, go for the promotion, quit the old, life-sucking job, even get healthy, some around you will support you, others will feel threatened. You’re breaking the unwritten agreement of who you are. It can come down to betraying yourself to keep the old alliance. Who will you choose? How much do you really believe in yourself? And very few move in a straight upward path to health and success. We will fall back, and leap forward. The difference is once you’re are on to yourself now. What you thought was your comfort zone wasn’t that at all. In fact, it was killing you. Your health, and your spirit.

I’d like to share my favorite quote on this subject comes from Marianne Williamson: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, talented, creative? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightening about shrinking so that others won’t feel small (insecure) around you. We are meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. Not just in some of us, but in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fears our presence automatically liberates others.”

It may not seem like your small step today to confront an old pain, change a destructive behavior, or ask for help can make much difference, but isn’t that all life is, one small step at a time. That small act of self-care is really saying I am worthy. I deserve to be healthy. And we attract to ourselves others like us. It’s our actions more than our words that show what we truly believe. Your act of our self-care shows you now believe in yourself. In doing that you change, not just yourself, but those around you, and yes, the world.

If I can help you to start on your path or you navigate the bumps you’ve run into on the way, please contact me through my website, by email or phone. And always my friends, I wish you well on your healing journey.