Living a Life in Balance - PODCAST

Finding Safety Within: The Path to Self-Compassion and Emotional Peace

• Abdullah Boulad

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In this episode of Living a Life in Balance, Abdullah Boulad sits with Emi Lizuka, Mindfulness and Somatic Experiencing Therapist at The Balance, to explore how awareness, compassion, and safety shape the way we heal.

 

Emi shares her personal journey of overcoming narcissistic abuse and single motherhood, and how those experiences led her to teach mindfulness and trauma-informed practices. She explains how self-compassion, co-regulation, and body awareness can transform the nervous system and rebuild a sense of connection to ourselves and to those around us.

Together, they discuss what safety truly means, how empathy works in the brain, and why being authentic with ourselves is the foundation of emotional healing.

 

🔗 Tune in for a heartfelt conversation on trauma, mindfulness, and the gentle power of presence.

 

About Emi:
Emi is an experienced mindfulness and somatic therapist. Her work integrates neuroscience, compassionate inquiry, and trauma-informed care to help individuals reconnect with their bodies, cultivate self-compassion, and restore balance through awareness and understanding.

 

For further mental health information and support, visit The Balance RehabClinic website: https://balancerehabclinic.com/ 


Follow Abdullah Boulad:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/abdullahboulad/

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Follow Emi Lizuka:

https://www.instagram.com/mindfulnesswithemi

 

You can order Abdullah’s book, ‘Living A Life In Balance’, here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/...

 

Follow The Balance RehabClinic:

https://www.linkedin.com/company/thebalancerehabclinic/

Emi Lizuka 00:00:00  This was enough for me to get PTSD. So I was just really, I am here. I'm not in the past.

Abdullah Boulard 00:00:07  So what was your takeaway from that?

Emi Lizuka 00:00:09  When your nervous system feels safe, this is the beginning of the healing. When you criticize you yourself. Our brain thinks someone's attacking you and it goes into defense. Some people say things like, I never thought that I can dream to be happy. Maybe you don't love you yourself in this present moment, but look at you. You survived, you know? And now my mindfulness is about how much you can just be yourself and be okay with it.

Abdullah Boulard 00:00:48  My name is Abdullah Bullard. I'm the founder and CEO of the Balanced Rehab Clinic. My guest today is Amy Isaac, a mindfulness teacher, somatic experiencing practitioner, and compassion based therapist. In this episode, Amy shares her personal journey of surviving a narcissistic partner and raising her son as a single mother to becoming a respected teacher of mindfulness and somatic experiencing. We explore the neuroscience of empathy, how our brains are wired to expand compassion more easily to those we identify with, and how practices like mindfulness and somatic work can help us reframe that bias and expand our capacity for connection.

Abdullah Boulard 00:01:34  We also dive into the topic of self-compassion, why it's so difficult to silence the inner critic, and how harsh self-judgment keeps us locked in cycles of shame, stress, and disconnection. We discuss how awareness is the first step toward changing any of these patterns and why. Mindfulness is the practice that makes that awareness possible. I hope you will enjoy.

Emi Lizuka 00:02:01  And so I will do that. I have actually, prepared some little exercise to do it with you because I'm, I'm nervous. So I need to be really, feeling that I'm here now. Would you like to do it with me?

Abdullah Boulard 00:02:20  Yes. Of course.

Emi Lizuka 00:02:21  Okay, great. So this is really, to wake up the sensation of the body so that now I'm, like, repeating what I'm going to say in my mind, but rather go into the mind. I can really land in this moment with you. So the composition comes not from here, but from the body. Yes. Okay. Okay. So we can just touch our skin, remind free because this wakes up the, the sensation of the body.

Emi Lizuka 00:02:50  The skin is there is the first layer to distinguish Wish you and the other know. And it has a fascia just underneath the the skin that has the end of all the nerve systems. So which means if you attach like this, it can sense the signal through the fascia and through the end of the nerves to the brain saying, oh, Amy, you're here in this moment and actually do this quite often with the client because, we need to then we can start really work on ourselves. And if we are up in the hair, then it's I need to spend a longer time to, to get them to this moment. No. So we can touch our hair, our face. I might come this in a deeper breath. Yes. And we can touch now the second layer of our structure, which is this muscle or the flesh?

Abdullah Boulard 00:04:00  It's a bit stronger.

Emi Lizuka 00:04:01  Yes, absolutely. So this gives you the feeling of the happiness that you have in your body. And I actually invite people to sigh out with me.

Emi Lizuka 00:04:22  So now in a sitting position, I'm not really going and touching the back of the side of my bum and stuff. But you can really touch and take time to feel that your body is here now. Yes. And obviously like feet has so much activity and activities throughout the day. So when we touch our feet, it goes like, ha! Yes. So the the deepest layer we can touch now is the the bone. So let's, wake up the bone so that we feel this dense ness. Yeah. You can do the feast. Yeah, exactly. Now, look at you. And there's a part that we have a bones and that we don't have. I can distinguish that and really wake up this long, bones.

Multiple Speakers 00:05:39  Oh. Yeah. Right.

Emi Lizuka 00:06:06  Just one more thing. Okay. So when you feel your feet and maybe you have a sitting bone, you can feel it on this soft chair. And when you place one hand on the top of your head. So this is giving a signal to your nervous system that where you are in this vast space in between the, the, the ground and the, the sky.

Emi Lizuka 00:06:36  And this just really feels like good. I mean, yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:06:41  It crowns me.

Emi Lizuka 00:06:41  Exactly.

Abdullah Boulard 00:06:42  Yeah, yeah.

Emi Lizuka 00:06:47  So I'm ready. Thank you so much.

Abdullah Boulard 00:06:50  Beautiful. Thank you for this introduction.

Multiple Speakers 00:06:53  Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:06:54  So this this grounds this calms our nervous system, right.

Emi Lizuka 00:07:00  But how do you feel?

Abdullah Boulard 00:07:01  I feel present. Yeah, I feel I feel I'm here.

Emi Lizuka 00:07:06  Great. Yes.

Abdullah Boulard 00:07:08  I mean, what motivated you to do what you do today? Like the exercise where we just did.

Emi Lizuka 00:07:15  My first entrance to healing was through yoga. So I met yoga in 2003, in Tokyo, because I'm Japanese from Tokyo. But then, I kind of quickly get into work in this yoga field, in Australia, where I was living for 15 years. So I was, I was actually sending this amazing teacher to Japan and, and work as a translator on the, on the training course. But then I met this, my, teacher. She was a yoga therapist, and she became an occupational therapist. And she taught me through yoga and yoga therapy about, breath, nerve system, and, you know, all these sensations that we have, in our body and mental health through the, through yoga.

Emi Lizuka 00:08:15  So this was the beginning of me really understanding the mental health and how to take care of our mental health. Then in, so I was doing that for like about 12 years. Okay. Yeah. Then in 2015, I became a mother with, a man who is the father of my son, who has, strong traits of narcissistic personality disorder. But It's about ten years ago now. Now. And at the time, no one was really talking about narcissistic personality disorder. There was no information available for this, but the I had a few years, very short relationship with him and resulted and of, you know, having this relationship as a mother parent. but one day when my son was 14 months, I, I could not put words into what was actually going on because there was no information or I did not have knowledge about a specific, you know, case and stuff. I found my body shaking with stress, and this was somehow a big signal for me that. Amy, something's going wrong and you need to get out.

Emi Lizuka 00:09:49  So I managed to to to find a way out of that relationship with my son. And afterwards, I got to know there was such a thing. Personality disorder. Narcissism. I was really grateful that I could read my, you know, the signal of my my body. And this was, because I was already doing the yoga and meditation, breathing practice and and mindfulness, before and I came into mindfulness, not through the meditation itself, but more like through body, the awareness of the body and more like anatomy and biology of how human being works. Yeah. So there was that was the beginning of all, like it was deepening my journey into this, healing professions.

Abdullah Boulard 00:10:51  thank you for sharing that. I can imagine it was a difficult moment. First, to realize there is a problem and then second, to take action. in such a difficult phase, how did you connect to your body to to feel, you need to change.

Emi Lizuka 00:11:13  This is how much you can trust that voice now of yours.

Emi Lizuka 00:11:17  And in that moment, even though I had these conditions of. This is a son, you know. So he needs a father and I need. He needs to have a both parents and all these conditions which I have worked also through this, trauma work that the, later known I studied. But at the time it was, it was just a strong voice that I really trusted. Yeah. So. Okay, Amy, this is it. I know that was the voice, and it's it's really that the, you know, the therapist, the coach, your teacher, or, you know, we cannot hear anyone. You know, we can facilitate or a safe place for clients to heal themselves. So you are the only one who can heal yourself, you know? So mindfulness really cultivate this, innate, you know, the and capacity to really trust in what you have. Because we all know.

Abdullah Boulard 00:12:27  This was like trying not to listen too much to your thoughts or to your brain, but more to access, like your, your body feeling wisdom.

Abdullah Boulard 00:12:39  Exactly which your access through mindfulness, obviously, because your mind told you no. You need to stay in that relationship because. Because of your son. Because of your responsibility. and maybe guilt possibly solely.

Emi Lizuka 00:12:59  Yes. I am sure all single parents have a feeling of guilty and I totally understand. But I just want to share one thing that I found I was desperate to find some kind of answer, or the indication at the time that I am okay by myself with my son. And I made the right decision, and I found one. A psychiatrist from New York that I don't remember his name, but he was saying, look, the child needs one parent who they can connect, they can have a secure attachment. And this really helped me to understand. So I would like I would really love to empower a parent to have really understanding over, you know, this development of the child. You know, especially in this mental health and how one parent can really own, you know, whole history or trauma or the transformation, the responsibility of transformation.

Emi Lizuka 00:14:12  And they can empower themselves, take to take that journey.

Abdullah Boulard 00:14:17  What happened after the separation and what was that, for a phase in your life?

Emi Lizuka 00:14:24  It was, quite tough. And then I was really doing yoga, meditation, breathing and reading. Mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness. So this was the only things that helped me, helped me by, you know, stopping me to carry, get carried on with thoughts because there were certain fears for the future. Also, I had a slight PTSD, by, breakup and there were certain, like threat threatening and the action of violence not towards us, but the this was enough for me to get PTSD. So I was just really I am here. I'm not in the past, I am here. What's important for me? This is my child, you know. So this was a really ongoing, practice that was, taken in daily life. So that was my life.

Abdullah Boulard 00:15:26  Okay. Yeah. Sorry to hear about what happened to you, but also good to see and how you managed to stay grounded and work.

Abdullah Boulard 00:15:38  Work, through this process. Was there someone helping you guiding you through this time. or was it your inner inner power. Inner drive to.

Emi Lizuka 00:15:52  Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:15:52  To pull your mindful muscle.

Emi Lizuka 00:15:55  I got offered to teach meditation in, in Japan. In Tokyo. And at the time I was like, okay. Meditation helped me get through this. You know, I was in a tunnel with that, exit. I was wondering which kind of meditation I can deliver, and that helps people, like in my situation. Then I understood that this mindfulness, which is not in a very specific like lineage, and it's reachable to accessible to everyone. It doesn't leave anyone out. So I started to really share in mindfulness. back in 2016. Then I got into this, setting. It's. It's the program born at Google. called such inside yourself. And then I did this, like, global instructor training in Bangkok for one year in 2017. And this was quite eye opening for me to learn mindfulness in very different contexts because it's like, this was a program based on mindfulness, emotional intelligence and neuroscience, which I have never touched.

Emi Lizuka 00:17:18  But, this gave me, depth or like curiosity to understand more about mindfulness. And there were some certain words that the I did not kind of know so much, which was compassion and empathy and all this.

Abdullah Boulard 00:17:37  So you have you have done several courses starting from yoga to meditation, teaching, meditation, mindfulness. what other trainings have you done besides this year? Long training?

Emi Lizuka 00:17:53  That was very simple kind of research or study done on empathy, by this, neuroscientist called Doctor Eagleman, who is the, from Stanford Uni. And, what they found, what they found was that the, you know, the empathy actually, empathy differs depends on if we, we view others as different or not. So the study was, they, they put participants in a room and they needed to watch a video of the arms and poked by the syringe, and this hands the arm like a lightly labeled and participant needed to put this hammer to measure the brain activities. And this was labeled like for the religion. For example, Christian, Buddhism, Buddhist, Muslim or Jewish, for example.

Emi Lizuka 00:19:03  Now all this was labeled as like greens or, you know, the Communist and yeah, or even like, measures, I don't really know the other Yankees, just some kind of, you know, the sports team. Which sports in the your. Yeah. And that they found that really when people perceive you as an in-group, the level of empathy She was much higher than when people see you as an outgroup. Yeah, but this is a very simple example that if we can see others just as we are, we can cultivate the empathy. So this was like somehow like.

Multiple Speakers 00:19:54  Wow.

Emi Lizuka 00:19:55  It's true that somehow we differentiate people. And if you're not like me and you try to make the the separation, but why? We are all the same. No, we just want to live in peace and love and thrive in our dreams.

Abdullah Boulard 00:20:14  So what was your takeaway from that?

Emi Lizuka 00:20:17  Yes. So I got really interested in compassion. So I did online training. this training, organized by this Zen center in the States.

Emi Lizuka 00:20:31  And I was told by a blissed monk. And it was. The discourse was developed for healthcare workers to study and learn about compassion. And this was really interesting that at the end of the day, how much we can stay in ourselves. This is the the birthplace of compassion, because if you are sucked into someone else's pain, you know, the the best you have is survivor's guilt or some kind of thing. But if you can really stay mindful and aware awareness with your body, you can actually help in action. Compassion. You know we can take a compassion. Compassion in action. So that was the the the cause. yes. And this was quite deep. And this took me back to mindfulness. Yes.

Abdullah Boulard 00:21:33  We need to go deeper into the compassion part, definitely. But before doing that. So we are talking now about mindfulness, then empathy and now.

Multiple Speakers 00:21:42  Compassion.

Abdullah Boulard 00:21:42  Which leads possibly to compassion. Can we can we differentiate or explain a little bit further? Explain what mindfulness is please. In your in your perspective.

Emi Lizuka 00:21:54  Yes. And this is also in ten years of my experience of selling mindfulness. The understanding of mindfulness and the message I would like to deliver through the practice is, is different from where I was starting and where I'm at now and where when I was starting. This was very simple, you know that if your mind goes in the past or future, you get into anxiety or the depression or your inner under stress. So come back to here and now. Feel your breath. Feel what you're eating. Feel what? What you're seeing. We will listen to the sounds, these things and really come back. Come back so that you can sleep where you know you can take care of yourself. But now I have done these few trauma studies also. And now my mindfulness is about how much you can just be yourself and be okay with it. Yeah. So but the actual practice hasn't changed at all that it's, it's lying in, in meditation because meditation practice, a meditation cultivates the certain types of attention and concentration.

Emi Lizuka 00:23:20  And when you know, or when your mechanics of the body or the, the the brain knows how you can get into this state that is a bit deeper than this. The most superficial consciousness, you know. Then you can start speaking to yourself.

Abdullah Boulard 00:23:42  It's fascinating also how you explain how your original understanding was and that that mindfulness today for you is more like self-expression also. Yeah. Kind of, be comfortable with yourself and, in the moment. I mean, we hear a lot about mindfulness and meditation and what people can do and, and and so on, but it's beyond just being in the moment. it's, it's it's as you as you mentioned, it is what I like about what you what you say, being comfortable with yourself. Yeah. and, what does it mean?

Multiple Speakers 00:24:23  Yeah.

Emi Lizuka 00:24:24  Thank you. Abdullah. thanks for the question. this maybe I can, I can speak a little bit of what I learned, and I can connect to that. So which is that. so afterwards, in 2022, I started to learn about trauma and trauma therapy.

Emi Lizuka 00:24:45  So I did, two courses at the same time. One was Compassionate Inquiry by Gabor Mate, and this was 240 hours of, the therapist training, therapist training, and also Somatic Experiencing by Peter Levine, which is a three year training. But somatic experiencing is really deeply rooted in, in a science and, biology of human. Okay. But, compassionate inquiry by carbamate. It gave it gives some whole background of Know what drama is, what we are. And and it was kind of a really, deep, deeply rooted in humanity. And through both I got to understand. Okay, so yoga, mindfulness, Buddhism, everything is here for the same purpose, which is for us to be totally okay with ourselves when we feel really safe. Our nav system is in the place of safety, which actually can affect and influence the other people's nervous system without any worries. And if it's like 2.5m away from me, your nervous system can get influenced by mine. Just just be together.

Abdullah Boulard 00:26:24  That's the so-called Co regulation.

Abdullah Boulard 00:26:26  Exactly.

Emi Lizuka 00:26:27  Yes. And when this core regulation happens, this is the only place that we can grow. We can laugh. We can appreciate. You know, we can be empathetic and we can try to help people. All this and this is the only place. And this is a place that when we are here and now, that our whole body and that system knows that you're safe, you're not judged. You can be yourself.

Abdullah Boulard 00:26:55  You said something.

Multiple Speakers 00:26:56  Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:26:57  We feel uncomfortable in ourselves. But there are I differentiate that even between, let's say, the majority of human beings and those who are deeply or traumatized in one or the other way. What is wrong with us? What is? Why do we feel uncomfortable? And why do we need this reminder of this different techniques.

Emi Lizuka 00:27:23  There's nothing wrong with that with us. And we're just living in this, in this life and in this moment. And I believe everyone's doing the best they can. Yeah, exactly. So I think we really need to change the world.

Emi Lizuka 00:27:41  That the, Nothing's wrong with us. Yeah. And, but obviously we have this discomfort because no one's perfect. And, But when you feel discomfort, can you be okay with this? So this is the first question.

Multiple Speakers 00:28:00  Yes.

Emi Lizuka 00:28:01  No. Yeah. Or you need to escape, or you need to fight, or you need to get freeze, or you can be vulnerable. Yeah, but this is very scary.

Abdullah Boulard 00:28:12  We'll get back to that as well. But certainly there is nothing wrong with us but maybe we need to be reminded about it again.

Multiple Speakers 00:28:21  Yeah.

Emi Lizuka 00:28:21  That's right.

Abdullah Boulard 00:28:22  If we go back to to the government training and compassionate inquiry, what's the essence of that training and what did it teach you?

Emi Lizuka 00:28:31  The essence of the training is that the, like I said, this, to have a compassionate, compassionate eye on the humanity and what we have done now. But at the same time, Gabor was suggesting this amazing question, and this was the technique of the therapy and the approach he calls the trauma approach that we needed to learn step by step.

Emi Lizuka 00:29:00  So, for example, would you like to do it with me?

Multiple Speakers 00:29:05  Yes. Okay. Of course.

Emi Lizuka 00:29:08  So, Gabor was okay explaining about triggers. Okay. And he said something like this. So if I say this to you, Abdullah. If I tell you, Abdullah, you are useless. Can you feel it? Maybe you want to. You want to kick me out?

Abdullah Boulard 00:29:39  No. You can stay for now.

Emi Lizuka 00:29:40  Okay. All right. So feel it. Okay. So now I say to you, Abdullah. Abdullah. You are a green bush. And you also think that I'm crazy and you want to kick me out? What was the difference? How did you feel?

Abdullah Boulard 00:30:07  in one way, I felt attacked. My personality. Me as being, Like, who are you telling me this? Why did I say something wrong? just question myself. And on the second one is like, it did not touch me at all. I mean, I know it's not true. I'm not intellectual, but also I don't feel I'm abortion.

Emi Lizuka 00:30:36  Okay, great. So this is the example of how we get triggered. And he said, okay, so when you get triggered means that someone pulled the trigger of your gun. No. But like this, if you don't have any explosive, explosive materials or gunpowder inside in this gun, you don't get pulled and you don't get triggered. So it's not about what people, what other people say or what happened to you or what other people like. the the mirada, the how, the eyes. It's not about other people or outside of the world. When you get triggered, you need to work on the inside of the gun. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:31:31  It's my reaction on the outside world.

Emi Lizuka 00:31:35  Yeah, exactly. So reaction is yours. So when I say your Greenbush, it doesn't trigger you because there's nothing inside in you with Greenbush. But the other question there was already inside. Something was inside in you that was triggered, isn't it?

Abdullah Boulard 00:31:53  So that it depends if someone is close to us, not close to us.

Abdullah Boulard 00:31:59  I might be affected by my wife telling me something much more intense than by a stranger stopping me around the corner and telling me something. and another fact is, like, also, how are we affected by social media postings? What is written publicly? Especially when I think about clients, our type of clients, let's say celebrities or public figures, if, how they are affected by what? The media. What, what, what people in on social media are right about them.

Emi Lizuka 00:32:35  As I said, in mindfulness, what they learned was to really believe that everyone's doing their best. And in a, in a somatic experiencing or the, the compassionate inquiry or even in political theory, you can see that it is not yours. The other people's reaction, you know, it's the the personality and character of someone is is just cultivated defense mechanism. So even exactly even your wife trying to to, like, poke at yours.

Abdullah Boulard 00:33:17  My wife doesn't. But. Okay.

Multiple Speakers 00:33:19  You're lucky.

Emi Lizuka 00:33:21  Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:33:22  Yeah. Correct.

Multiple Speakers 00:33:23  Yeah.

Emi Lizuka 00:33:25  Yeah. But this is just how nerve system reacting. And she. She needs something from you. There's needs. Obviously. Maybe she'll just want to feel safe. She just want to be seen. You know, she just want to be heard. All this and this is really reflected to the world, the current world of the situation. Now that everyone jumps on to one or other and they, like, explore their anger or hatred because there is also one. Each of us have some triggers in us which we have not been really, you know, having a conversation with. And so if there are like outlets, we kind of jump on in a way, or we have survivor's guilt and we feel really, really helpless and we want to be heard.

Abdullah Boulard 00:34:24  On the one one, one side, we want to be heard, but we also possibly avoid being criticized, like, because if I stay just at home and close the windows, I'm not exposed to the weather. for example. So if I don't do something, I'm not exposed to be judged or that, any trigger point is triggered in me.

Abdullah Boulard 00:34:50  Yeah. so so what would you tell these people who who, you know, maybe also don't tap into their potential or of of living their life to the full potential?

Emi Lizuka 00:35:07  Well, I guess, everyone's different. So the the the mechanism. Coping mechanism can can be deferred. but still how much you can stay in, in your own thing. And see this harsh comment as their reaction.

Abdullah Boulard 00:35:31  Know their reaction to whatever. And it's.

Emi Lizuka 00:35:34  Not exactly.

Abdullah Boulard 00:35:35  Real.

Emi Lizuka 00:35:36  It's in their trigger and not not them, but they are choosing their life, or their life itself is choosing to be in public or in the position of, you know, the influence all the other people know. And, if you want to keep being in that position and that is your full potential, and this is because this is if you are so seen, which means you have this both strength and Vulnerability, shown at the same time, you need to be so brave to be in public. Yes. So I, I approached them first that people who stands up like this, you know, till they're living their their dream or thrive or or take a really sip.

Emi Lizuka 00:36:30  But yeah, at the same time, you, you have a right to say no anytime you want. You don't live for other people.

Abdullah Boulard 00:36:39  Yeah. So it depends on what drives you to be in public or.

Emi Lizuka 00:36:43  This is very important question to ask.

Abdullah Boulard 00:36:46  Yeah. Is it is it because of you want to be seen again out of my self-esteem and my, my, my need to be seen? Or is it I want to make a difference in this life, let's say from from the original idea of, compassionate inquiry about being compassionate with the world. Maybe you want to help. Maybe we want to be making a difference. Yeah. As such.

Emi Lizuka 00:37:15  Yeah, totally. Yes.

Abdullah Boulard 00:37:19  Was there anything else in the compassionate inquiry training you you would point out?

Emi Lizuka 00:37:25  Well, there were so many, so many interesting questions that we can ask ourselves. For example, like, as I said, even the public figure or celebrities, they actually can say, no, you know, it's you don't live for other people.

Emi Lizuka 00:37:43  So I you know, if you say no, you don't die. But when you don't say no. Even though if you even though you want to say no, why? So this is something. So is there any merit? You know, the benefit of not saying no. Or is there any, like, feeling of stopping you from saying no. Why you don't say no? You know, this kind of question is so interesting, and I carry this question to my therapy as well as my mindfulness classes. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:38:26  So it depends if you do something or don't do something, both have meanings. And that way.

Emi Lizuka 00:38:32  Yeah, exactly.

Abdullah Boulard 00:38:33  You also mentioned this somatic experience in training, which is substantial. And beside Gabor Marta's work as Doctor Peter Levine. Yeah. another, trauma trauma expert in the world and has been doing groundbreaking work. What did that give to you and add to your work you're doing?

Emi Lizuka 00:38:56  Yeah. Okay. I when I went into this introductory, somatic experience in workshop, I, I saw it as a Mindfulness.

Emi Lizuka 00:39:06  So I decided to to train myself in, in somatic experiencing rather compassionate inquiry. And so I really loved it because it it's really depends on how much you can feel your body. And also I mean this comes down really to mindfulness. And I feel like, now I'm making the first circle of, of my understanding, I mean, should be many more layers that I can I can not wait to explore more, but which is that somatic experience really tells you that when you feel safe, when your nervous system feels safe, then this is the beginning of the healing. When you cannot feel safety, you know when you're not safe being yourself, what would you do? You might as well don't say nothing. Yes, exactly.

Abdullah Boulard 00:40:06  Yeah. We draw.

Emi Lizuka 00:40:07  We don't. Exactly. So when we feel safe. Like a child coming home from the school, and he started feeling like he feels safe by seeing the mother, and then he cry or complain and stuff.

Abdullah Boulard 00:40:22  And express.

Emi Lizuka 00:40:23  Can't express.

Abdullah Boulard 00:40:25  How safety has something to do with also what I know.

Abdullah Boulard 00:40:28  What I don't know. Maybe if I'm in an environment I'm I know, I know the people I know, the home like my mother, my family. I can be me. Yeah. Again. Is it me or is it.

Multiple Speakers 00:40:42  Yeah, yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:40:42  Is it something I'm playing? Yeah. But if I'm somewhere I'm not familiar with, I, I withdraw.

Emi Lizuka 00:40:49  Yeah, exactly. But this is, this is, really lucky.

Multiple Speakers 00:40:54  Yeah.

Emi Lizuka 00:40:55  To be able to say that. No, because many of our clients, we see in balance, Or many of the clients I have in my, in my, therapy. Also, they don't have a place of safety in family or in the in a real world. That's how I feel. So they come to us, know and they feel I had a lot of feedbacks from the clients of balance that they feel they felt so safe. In their stay in balance. No. And I really encourage them to, to, to keep it in their body, the feeling of safety in that they felt in balance.

Abdullah Boulard 00:41:43  Know what what makes us feel safe at the end. Because that's an sometimes it's an abstract world. I feel safe for safety. And, it's not just.

Emi Lizuka 00:41:58  Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:41:59  today, it's not just, Not being hunted by buy by an animal anymore?

Emi Lizuka 00:42:06  Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:42:08  How? What is safety today and how can we step into it?

Emi Lizuka 00:42:13  Yeah. Okay, so the safety. Safety these words is also like becoming a trend at the moment. But, so what government is said about safety. There are two conditions. One is that absent of the threat. So this is not if you're in a war, you cannot feel safe. Yes. Yeah. And second, if there is a connection. Okay. So connection days are two different types of connections. And one is connection to others which is attachment. And the other is connection to yourself, which is authenticity. Yeah. So when you're connected with yourself, with your authenticity, which means you feel exactly how you feel in this moment and you feel okay to express it.

Emi Lizuka 00:43:15  And the connecting with this, this secure attachment. You know, if you have this attachment to others, that you can be connected to others from the place of your authenticity. So this is a safe connection now. So when these connections are present and the threat is absent, there's a safe safety. That's what he said. And obviously a c somatic experiencing is is more of you know, seeing the state of nervous system. So this also explains you know when your the the biological feature that your, your breathing and had late Panama and regretted. You know your pupils are this size and yeah, your breathing and your tone of your voice and your facial expression is, is like this. And they describe as well what's the safety.

Abdullah Boulard 00:44:17  On the one hand side, it's the biological. Yeah, exactly. Impact how our body or reaction. Yeah as well. And on the other side it's the environment and the connection. Yeah. Which impacts obviously both sides impact each other. we cannot be safe if we are in a danger zone or in a dangerous state.

Abdullah Boulard 00:44:40  If we are in a bad relationship, we have to withdraw from it. If we are in a war zone, we have to withdraw of it. So we have to go. And this is what we often see in, okay, someone can do good if they withdraw and go into treatment, but if they go back to the same environment patterns, they, they will struggle most likely again. So they have to create a safe space also not just in treatment but but at home. And but treatment will, as you are explaining, also create the awareness of of safety and what needs to be changed, how it helps to process. Yeah. yeah. To the next level.

Emi Lizuka 00:45:27  Yeah, exactly. Because, often I mean, trauma is, you know, if we, I say trauma victims, this is, this sounds like I'm specifically specifying the people into the category, and I don't I don't feel this is right because we all have trauma. Yeah. You know, it's just, just the natural condition of the life I see.

Emi Lizuka 00:45:51  But when we have a bigger trauma, we lose The ownership of our life? No. Yeah. So we through therapy, I think it's very important for for. For therapists to, to be able to give clients some sort of ownership or empowerment that it's their life and, you know, so that because they're the only, only one who can change the situation in the family or to get their to decide for themselves. So I think this is important. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:46:31  Yeah. Trauma is a lot used expression today. And there is certainly the small T and the big T. Yeah I feel on the small t trauma. It's like as you mentioned, everyone experiences trauma in one or the other way. This is let's say our our regular learning as part of our learning and become resilient in life. Yeah. to become stronger mentally. Physically. I certainly see that also with. I grew up in a war torn country in Lebanon. The first years in my life, I. I was also in a in a in a war zone.

Abdullah Boulard 00:47:14  Which.

Emi Lizuka 00:47:15  Right.

Abdullah Boulard 00:47:16  But when I think about the people who live there, and they have experienced more and more and more over time and decades, they they have become stronger. They have become more resilient in what affects them in their life. And I feel also that they have become more grateful for what they have. So it's like if, if, if I would ask, how are you? They say, yeah, it's like I'm I'm grateful. That's the answer. I'm grateful. It's not to say good or bad. No. I'm grateful. That's the answer. Beautiful. That's what I. What I see as, some nice, Take out of also traumatic experiences.

Emi Lizuka 00:48:07  Yeah. This is beautiful, Abdullah. Because it's it's very different. I see like Japan is also a little bit more traditional culture and, it works more like oriented in, in family or the, the larger like extension, extensional, like a family kind of system. And I, I bet Lebanon is a bit like that, you know, and in this environment we have more places that we can run into, you know, so when things are bad, when things are scary, we need to keep ourselves together.

Abdullah Boulard 00:48:47  Yes. You always feel connected. You always have the safety of the people.

Emi Lizuka 00:48:52  Exactly.

Abdullah Boulard 00:48:54  and also the authenticity you mentioned. I see, I see most people very authentic. They express I'm feeling good or I'm feeling bad. They, they always know there are other people around. Yeah, that's that's a big difference, I realized. in comparison with Western world, where we live, more isolated and loneliness is on the rise.

Emi Lizuka 00:49:19  And you need to be monied. And it was good.

Abdullah Boulard 00:49:22  Yeah. It's always.

Emi Lizuka 00:49:23  Good. Yes.

Abdullah Boulard 00:49:23  Perfect. And this is let's say growing up then also later on in Switzerland it's like.

Emi Lizuka 00:49:29  Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:49:30  Yeah.

Emi Lizuka 00:49:31  What extreme.

Abdullah Boulard 00:49:33  That's the other extreme where you. Yeah. You need to be a certain way. Yeah. You need to behave in a certain way. It's perfect. You need to have a certain income. You need to have a certain car, a certain house, a certain whatever. You know, you. That's where you start comparing yourself and the the the the more you compare yourself on a higher level.

Abdullah Boulard 00:49:56  The more you you feel miserable in the inside.

Emi Lizuka 00:50:00  Yeah. So having that around you growing up, this. Yeah. This is, this is a gift in a in a hardship. Like, I don't know what's hardship anymore, but the, Yeah. So if you have, even though if you have a relationship which is abusive, but if you have someone else that you can go into, and if they can then give you the support that you need, the connection that we spoke about to safety, that we spoke about, it's easier for them to decide to leave that relationship now. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:50:44  You mentioned part of feeling safety is within ourselves from the compassionate inquiry theory. How do we achieve that? How can we connect with ourselves in a way? After so many life experiences and maybe traumas as well? To. To feel safe within ourselves?

Emi Lizuka 00:51:09  Yeah, a very good point. Because this is the hardest point now really, to connect with yourself and with your authenticity. Because authenticity is not about I am like this.

Emi Lizuka 00:51:23  I am this kind of person. You know, I think if this happened, this is in a psychology. I think this is called the story of me. yes. Yes. So in mindfulness, we talk about this, that when we cultivate mindfulness, which is this capacity to be in this moment, you become not only this bit, the story of myself, you become this whole body that exists in this moment, and this sensation of your whole body is you yourself. So this is something that you can cultivate, by practice, obviously. Yeah. So, when this becomes if, when you become you as this body existing in front of you, in this moment, you have this awareness that, for example, we feel that we are our emotions and and thoughts are coming faster than our body, you know. Yes. So our mind is actually we feel like our mind is walking before our body. But in reality, we have this body bleeding for you. We don't need to control our breath because when we go to sleep, it doesn't stop, you know? So our body is is continuously bleeding for you to survive until you you don't.

Emi Lizuka 00:53:11  So if we have this awareness, you start to recognizing actually the body reacts to the outside of the world. And this stimuli comes up to your brain. And we can recognize our emotions and thoughts like as sadness. So, you know, the frustration or stress or happiness, but fast actually there is a body reacting to all the stimuli. Yes, yes. No. So if you want to feel your authenticity, you are so attentive to to what you're feeling or what your body is doing in this moment to be authentic. This is a very, difficult, I mean, it's difficult theme or concept or. Yes, but this can translate into that. How much you can feel. You can you can say, okay to what exactly you're feeling. Maybe everyone says yes, but you actually feel no. Can you feel that without hesitation? And can you be okay with expressing that? This is a simple, simple like way of yeah, yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 00:54:34  It's it's it's difficult. It's difficult because most people maybe grow up because and then they have an image of themselves, as you mentioned.

Abdullah Boulard 00:54:43  Yeah. And the. This is who I am. This is who what I do. This is my job. This is my environment. And,

Emi Lizuka 00:54:53  Who I should.

Abdullah Boulard 00:54:54  Be. Who I should be. Maybe my parents want me to be what matters. But then we need also to understand. Who am I? Who am I? What is it I want in life? What's my purpose? What's my. Why am I here? So I need first of all, ask myself or learn about it. Yeah. Before I can say who am I? Authentically? Yeah. Because being authentic means can also lead to be feeling lost somehow.

Emi Lizuka 00:55:25  I mean things. It doesn't mean that if you're authentic things goes easier. Because if you express everything that maybe this against, you know, I don't know, the, the people around you or you know, then, but you still want to express to to live authentically, you know, so it doesn't it doesn't mean that if your authentic everyone loves you or, you know, gives your job.

Emi Lizuka 00:55:56  Yeah, maybe it goes opposite, but it doesn't matter if you're feeling authentic and and safe with yourself, and there's no way with yourself. You see, look around. When you're in this place, you know, you see the life or world differently. Because really, the world itself is just a reflection of the, the, the relationship with yourself.

Abdullah Boulard 00:56:24  And most likely also to start accepting things. Yeah, who am I or what I want and acknowledge my feelings and yeah, and what I am exactly.

Emi Lizuka 00:56:38  I acknowledge the feeling. This is very important because we have we have so many things happened in the past. Maybe there were some certain emotions that was not spoken or expressed or prohibited to exhibit in your family. When you grow up, you know them or is emotion and body is very connected to a childhood trauma, obviously. So we when we go to authenticity, we need to work on, you know, all these memories of the the emotions that was suppressed. Yeah. And in mindfulness we say something like this that when we do mindfulness I, I am, I am, you know, living in my body, this body of me for 45 years.

Emi Lizuka 00:57:35  So there's a back of me that I pushed all the emotions that I could not handle at the time, or expressed or needed to suppress. I put all these things in my body and now put in a lid. Yeah. So if I do a meditation on mindfulness, I just put a lid on it and really happy and come on the surface. But this doesn't happen when you do mindfulness or meditation. This lid goes full open and it's, you know, all these things that you push down. Yeah. Revisit you. And you just need to witness and accept and compassionate. Then when this is empty, your the tool that you reach the true happiness. So that's what we're saying in mindfulness. And this is absolutely true.

Abdullah Boulard 00:58:31  This shows me also clearly that to be authentic, to live, to live in a way where we can show self-love and self-compassion. We need also to to understand ourselves. we need maybe to do some inner child work to understand ourselves. How have we become who we are today and what shaped us? To give a clear understanding to it, and to process it in one or the other way so we can find out in on the essence.

Abdullah Boulard 00:59:06  Yeah. who who we are today and who we maybe want to, to be for, for the next period of our lives.

Emi Lizuka 00:59:16  Now, this is also an excellent point that, who we are now. maybe you don't love your yourself in this present moment, but look at you. You survived, you know, and this is something the compassionate inquiry really told me that all the things happened to you. With you, you managed to keep your life alive and. And you became strong. You know, when you have, hardship in childhood, child and childhood, you became strong and you became so independent and all this. But this led you to the place of where you are now. So you you don't you don't like what's wrong with us? We change the whole, aspects perspective about this. Nothing was wrong. Things happen for me to become who I am today. It's really. It's good and bad. It's just the other side of the coin. Yeah. So if we can really, intentionally We turn that around.

Emi Lizuka 01:00:38  And what? Whatever happens to your life as some kind of lesson for you to be really authentic?

Abdullah Boulard 01:00:45  I find the word self-love is a bit when I. When I heard it the first time, I felt like self-love. Do I have to love myself? In what way? And I am just who I am. And so it's, it was a it was a strange concept to me initially. Today, I understand it much better. Of course. but what is self-love? Why do we need it?

Emi Lizuka 01:01:15  Just for French? Yeah. So, yeah. Self-love. sounds very fluffy. I, I totally agree, and also self-compassion, but when I, when I first encountered the concept of self self-compassion Compassion was in this course that the, search inside yourself. And there was this, doctor Christine Neff, from the US. She's there, the educator of compassion, self-compassion at the first place. And she had this, excellent Ted talk, which, you know, they explained the self-compassion really clearly, which she goes that okay, in the midnight, you got a phone call from your best friend, and she's crying and you're worried, and you ask what happened? And she said, oh, my boyfriend left me.

Emi Lizuka 01:02:13  And you said to her, well, but you're not so young anymore and not so beautiful. And you, you got fat a little bit and it's not so interesting or fun to talk to you about anything. So maybe you will never have a boyfriend again. And I know, and Kristin and Kristin Neff girls. But would you ever talk to your best friend like that? But how often do you talk to yourself like that? And this is very simple, that this is very, true. And what happened when, Well, there is, one thing maybe we can try together. Yes. Sure. Okay. So can you make a fist on one hand and you don't want to, let it go? Okay. You're holding something. You don't want to let it go. Okay. And with the other hands, can you try to forcefully open these hands and observe what happened to these hands? Okay. So you just try to open it. Okay. All right. What happens.

Abdullah Boulard 01:03:37  Get stronger.

Emi Lizuka 01:03:38  Get stronger. Exactly. Okay. So now with the release. And let's do the same thing again. So we have a fist. Real strong fist. You don't want to let go. Okay. So with hand these hands this time you just say okay I understand. It's okay. It's gonna be okay.

Abdullah Boulard 01:04:01  Let's get softer.

Emi Lizuka 01:04:02  It gets softer. Exactly. So this is. This is just pure natural biological response that we have in our our body. So when you talk or criticize yourself, when you judge yourself, our brain thinks someone's attacking you and it goes into defense. So, you know, the, there's the, I forgot his name. there's this therapy called, compassion focused therapy from England. This is a professor of this, Danny Danny University in England. So the professor said, in this modern society, the majority of distress is caused by self-criticism. Because we press, when we press expectation that we need to achieve or we need to behave a certain way, we start criticizing ourselves.

Emi Lizuka 01:05:07  And this cause defense mechanism, activation of the defense mechanism. And this caused stress.

Abdullah Boulard 01:05:15  Why are we so tough on ourselves? Like maybe more than on anyone else?

Emi Lizuka 01:05:21  Yeah. So what do you think? Okay, if you're not perfect, what happens to you?

Abdullah Boulard 01:05:30  I'm not accepted. I'm not loved. I'm out of the.

Emi Lizuka 01:05:34  Yes, yes, because this is Abdullah. So you can you can reply to me like this. But I asked the same question to the clients and many people cannot say. Then I can change a little bit of the question, saying, okay, so when you are not perfect or when you're not nice, what happened to you? Yes. So this is the cause of we been hard on ourselves? No. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 01:06:10  How can I avoid my children to be? Because obviously, on the one hand side, I want to put some boundaries in place, and I want things to be loose. But on the other side, we we we want to avoid these failures of them, being feeling trapped in a in a life because of me or because of the parents?

Emi Lizuka 01:06:32  Yeah.

Emi Lizuka 01:06:34  Yeah. We have this, challenge. Really? And, our challenge, always goes with how what kind of society we live in. Yeah. Because trauma is, feels like it's only coming from the, the parents or the family members. But it's hugely affected by what kind of society we live in and how they thrive in their life. So when parents doesn't have time for kids obviously this becomes a huge issue for the child development now. Yes. Because we all know I mean we all know that we we need attention. We need a we need someone else's presence, which is generous attention now And I understood that we all need the same things. The baby, tired men, women and the the old people. That what we need is a person who you can go to when you are in there. The hardship that the place that you, you know that you're not going to be judged or they don't have any agenda and they have this big camp and they because not many things we can change. So we just need a place to go.

Emi Lizuka 01:08:03  And this person can help you and say, it's okay. This is what we need for the healthy mental development. And that's what our journey is. Also. Yes. No.

Abdullah Boulard 01:08:17  This would also mean like we as parents should be more focusing on being on the one hand side, a role model also showing vulnerability, not being that perfect parent.

Emi Lizuka 01:08:30  Solely.

Abdullah Boulard 01:08:31  To show, okay, we have weaknesses, so allow them so for them also to allow it to, but also not to think we can influence that much in a way that we tell them what's good or wrong and good and wrong and how they should live their life, but really to just to hold the space for them where they can get back to whenever they need it.

Emi Lizuka 01:08:53  Yeah. I mean, this is like we are still like I feel the experimental phase, you know, because our society is very quickly changing. So our parents generation, maybe we still have this community, like a village where kids had, you know, one kids had three adults who can look after them.

Emi Lizuka 01:09:17  But now we are in this really small, family group, very individual. Yes. So maybe we are still in this experimental. Yeah phase, I feel. I don't know how they come out.

Abdullah Boulard 01:09:33  No I yeah, I see, I see that too. I mean like, it we have become from larger tribes to larger families to individual families like couple and children. But this is also if you if you look at it further, so many couples, marriages fail also because of whatever reason. And then a parent end up alone or the children have to to change between between

Emi Lizuka 01:10:06  modern modern world.

Abdullah Boulard 01:10:07  And modern life.

Emi Lizuka 01:10:08  Yes.

Abdullah Boulard 01:10:09  Families. So this is certainly more challenging to feel that that safety in in my nest.

Emi Lizuka 01:10:19  Exactly. So like as you said Just showing the vulnerability is is very important, I feel, to tell our children that the that we say that I'm so tired, I just need to rest, you know, or even like you can get emotional and if you make a mistake, you don't forget to say sorry to a child.

Emi Lizuka 01:10:46  No, all these things are so important to think. And as parents really work on ourselves to establish, to be able to be in this state of nervous system that, you know, represent the safety and connection. And this is our work here, I fear.

Abdullah Boulard 01:11:07  There are so many influences. You know, it depends on what children they are with at school, at the outside school, their hobbies and but but certainly also having different Front children. Myself, I have three and everyone is different. So you can you can try to be with everyone like the same. Or maybe I've learned over time and try to do it better with the next one. So yeah, learning self-love, self-compassion is important. But I also learned today it's it's affecting each other. It's affecting like the, the the social environment. It's affecting me how I am. Can I be authentic? Can I love myself? But also the other way around? I affect my my surrounding as well. what's your your your your experience there? You know how what comes first and how to cultivate it within within my my small circle.

Emi Lizuka 01:12:17  Really? How much? You can be yourself. Being authentic and connected with yourself. This is really the origin of the connection with others. So if you become such a good friend, if you can treat yourself as your best friends, you know, then this is the base of how you perceive the the, the, the world outside its becomes your world. Yes. So really it happens within you. Yeah. And it's just like a weird, like a cup. Like as a container when our glass is full. If something happens you expose already. But when you, you take care of your glass and if it's half like you can bear, you know many things and be compassionate to others. Like, okay, kids running and kick the coffee cup or something. I don't need to go like this. I'm like, are you okay? You didn't get hurt. You know, there's such a big difference of response if we take care of ourselves. Yeah. So, yeah, I think it can get simple as that.

Emi Lizuka 01:13:34  That how you taking care of yourself is really how you take care of the world.

Abdullah Boulard 01:13:40  When we communicate with each other, it's also how we communicate. you mentioned it. If my glass is half full and I, I'm still. I have, some left. Resilience. I can handle stressors from life and in our interactions much better. But what are, let's say, the basics on how we should communicate with each other? Because when I when I'm self compassionate, I want also to be compassionate with others. Yeah. And and then what's the best thing I can do here?

Emi Lizuka 01:14:19  We can feel if I come. We come up to you with my secret agenda. You see? And you don't feel safe or you don't feel opening up, right? Yeah, exactly. So how much I'm comfortable just being myself with you makes you relax. No. Or not?

Abdullah Boulard 01:14:44  Yes. Yes. So the more I feel you are authentic. Yeah. No hidden agenda and,

Emi Lizuka 01:14:56  Judgment.

Abdullah Boulard 01:14:57  No judgment. Yeah. And but also, like in our modern life, it's the time you you you can dedicate to me.

Abdullah Boulard 01:15:07  Yeah. if you if you're present to me. Yes. If you are fully present with me. mindfully present. I feel more valued as a person and I value you because of that as well.

Emi Lizuka 01:15:24  Yes. Thank you. Yeah, exactly. So this is true. The mindfulness place. The most gift you can give to other person. Is that your presence? Yeah. So this is how we should be. Or we hope we are. All the time. Yeah. But also this comes back to this, really the daily small practice of meditation. I really just feel the breath or the the the ground beneath.

Abdullah Boulard 01:15:59  Yeah. To be to be grounded myself. Yeah. And another thing is also the way of communicating. I feel that if we, if we, for example, are careful about each other. I know I don't want to, I want I don't want to tell you what you need to do or no one wants to hear that. Yeah, that's another thing. No one wants to be teached.

Abdullah Boulard 01:16:28  Yeah, that's that's something I've. I've learned in life. No one wants to be told if they have done something wrong or what they should do better because they are in a bad situation in life, it's they have to come to a self-realization. So understanding this, when I when I'm with someone, I try not to teach, I, I try to maybe talk about my personal experience or I try to ask questions. So they they tell me more about themselves or how they feel or how they how how to create kind of a self-realization.

Emi Lizuka 01:17:12  Realization.

Abdullah Boulard 01:17:12  Okay. Do you experience that, too?

Emi Lizuka 01:17:17  Most of the time. Exactly what you said. They are not looking for any advice. They just want to be heard and seen. And they just want to feel safe.

Abdullah Boulard 01:17:28  We are back to the to the time we can spend and being mindful, but also holding the space not just for children, but also for our just the people around us and not be distracted by phones and,

Emi Lizuka 01:17:40  Exactly.

Abdullah Boulard 01:17:41  Computer work and.

Emi Lizuka 01:17:43  Their conscious, attentive time for each other is really essential. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 01:17:48  How do you build up your treatment today with your clients? What does it contain?

Emi Lizuka 01:17:55  Yeah. So I do really mindfulness based somatic experiencing. And I apply this conditionally that I learned from Gabor Matis Compassionate inquiry course which is such useful you know, indicator for them to go inwards, you know. So but as somatic is experiencing shows us with such a science. Science based data that when our system is not, feeling safe, the things doesn't open up. So I work a lot with, resourcing, which means that the grounding technique that the passion's whole being can feel that the here and now. And trauma is something that happened in the past. And when you are triggered, this past is coming back to the present moment. So I, I work with, this moment quite a lot because what's happening to this moment. I am with you. Around you, there's no threat. Then when you can come back to this moment so consciously, with whole nervous system, embodied, experiencing experience, they can.

Emi Lizuka 01:19:25  They can feel safe being here. So this moment is the moment that healing can take place. So okay, first ground, feel this moment orient. Then we start. And I just give them a lot of safe space. When you have a bigger trauma, this is less accessible to be in a safe place, you know. So sometimes it's enough for for them to feel safety is enough already. Enough happens in there because this is to really have a connection and talk with your authenticity, which is the voice of yours, which is the voice of your body, and for your voice of the body to reveal itself. You need to cultivate the feeling of safety in this moment together. And I you know, the healing doesn't happen in the therapy room. Healing needs to happen in the real life. So I really encourage them to to have this feeling of safety back in their their life so that they can. It's like the expanding the container because what happens to the life you cannot control, but how we cope with these waves.

Emi Lizuka 01:20:58  This is something that we can work on so that if we have this safety container bigger and bigger and deeper and deeper, you are able to cope much more just being yourself.

Abdullah Boulard 01:21:13  It's a beautiful analogy. So like when you when you are in a distressed state, our safety container is small and we have to work on making it bigger.

Emi Lizuka 01:21:26  Yes, exactly.

Abdullah Boulard 01:21:28  Increase resilience or the safe space of safety?

Emi Lizuka 01:21:33  Yes.

Abdullah Boulard 01:21:33  Yeah.

Emi Lizuka 01:21:34  Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 01:21:35  What types of clients usually come to your, sessions? What type of clients? You. Yeah. You work with.

Emi Lizuka 01:21:43  Yeah. Well, or a lot of people with, narcissistic abuse. Yeah. And also, single parents. And developmental trauma.

Abdullah Boulard 01:21:57  What changes have you seen like the most remarkable changes you have seen in your clients.

Emi Lizuka 01:22:04  So many Any. Some people say things like, I never thought that I can dream to be happy. So this is a big change for example. There are some people who say I want to be happy, I want to be happy, but they cannot really trust that is possible or a beautiful available for them.

Emi Lizuka 01:22:28  And this is such a big change. I feel that they stand up.

Abdullah Boulard 01:22:33  Like losing trust in themselves or gaining it again.

Emi Lizuka 01:22:38  Gaining again in their life again. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 01:22:41  At least the idea of the can. Yeah. They can be again.

Emi Lizuka 01:22:46  They can dream. You know.

Abdullah Boulard 01:22:48  They can dream.

Emi Lizuka 01:22:49  Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 01:22:50  Beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what do you do in your daily life and your daily practice? Yeah. To stay in balance.

Emi Lizuka 01:23:03  Okay. and I still take, once a month. my therapy of somatic experiencing. To really keep the safety container big and solid. And also when I'm, Well, when I am in this, little head time, I, I meditate a lot, but when I'm good, I don't meditate so much. But I there is a practice that I continuously do which is I I catch the moment when I wake up before the, the me from yesterday comes back. So there's a little moment that I don't. I'm just waking up. Then I smile to my body and say thank you that I'm alive today.

Abdullah Boulard 01:23:58  so gratitude practice.

Emi Lizuka 01:24:02  Yeah. This is very, taking a ten. lineage of mindfulness. Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 01:24:06  Yeah. Another big teacher.

Emi Lizuka 01:24:09  Big teacher? Yeah.

Abdullah Boulard 01:24:13  If you can speak now to anyone in the world, what would you suggest to them to do? what kind of wisdom would you give them.

Emi Lizuka 01:24:25  Be in this moment? Come back again and again, because this is the only moment we can savor the life. Yes. Which is just now.

Abdullah Boulard 01:24:35  It sounds so simple. Sounds simple. that's what we all have at the end. every little moment by moment. Amy, thank you so much for your time I appreciate it. Our our conversation today. And, I felt your presence and, keep, keep doing what you do with, with all the clients and, everyone out there. Thank you very much.

Emi Lizuka 01:25:00  Thank you so much, Abdullah.