Dames & Dragons 14. Into Avelis (Part 5)

The Guardians fight a Dracolich, take a rest, and arrive in Danmar. Fran comes to a tenuous understanding and finds a home while Laika and Corbin become hardened criminals.

✂️ Ep. 14 Outtakes & Extras ✂️ 

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Transcript

 Dames and Dragons 

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: Kat

FRAN THE WATER GENASI WIZARD is played by Noel

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by Sophia

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by Kaitlin

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 14 – Into Avelis (Part 5)

[‘Pre-Roll Fairy’ from ‘Miscellaneous Round-Up 1/2021’ begins playing]

Noel: [voice modulated to sound high, indicating the Pre-Roll Fairy] Good morrow, listeners! Today's episode of Dames and Dragons is brought to your enchanting ears by lootcrate.com. Save ten percent of any new prescription at trylootcrate.com/dspn. Furthermore enter promo-code ‘bridge ten’ for ten percent savings. Collect your loot and look tremendously cute! And now, don’t let me keep you. The episode begins!

[‘Pre-Roll Fairy’ from ‘Miscellaneous Round-Up 1/2021’ concludes playing]

Kat: Uhh, ok we need to do an intro to this podcast 

Noel: Kaitlin.

Kaitlin: [lowkey panicked] Yeah, Sorry! I'm sorry, I was on Tumblr.

Sophia: Kaitlin!

Noel: Kailtin, what's the intro?

Kaitlin: Oh, uhhhh.

Noel: [in a weird, mysterious voice] Pull it from the nethersphere, Kaitlin...

[Kat laughs in background]

Kaitlin: Wait, uhhh.

Noel: [continuing in the mysterious voice, but now sing-songy] Pull it from... your nethersphere.

Kaitlin: I had one!

Kat: Tell me more about your nethersphere, Kaitlin.

Kaitlin: [now also in a weird mysterious voice] The nethersphere.. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ beings playing] 

Kaitlin: [continuing in the mysterious voice] ...is a sphere, for you nethers.

[Noel laughs in background]

Kat: This is—this is the intro now because you're not making anything better. So uhh. Let's play D&D.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ plays and then fades out] 

Kat: Hi! I'm Kat, I'm you DM.

Sophia: Hello, I am Sophia. I play Fran. 

[Kat, Kaitlin and Noel laugh]

Sophia: A tiefling... [realising] Oh shit!

Noel: Um, I'm Noel, and I play Corbin, who is a human. 

Kaitlin: I'm Kaitlin, and uh, I play Laika. Who’s... the devil’s child. 

Noel: I hope that wasn't confusing for anyone. Let's move on!

Sophia: [in a semi-old man voice] What a hilarious role reversal. My goodness!

Kat: Ok, All right... So! Last time, last time. Everyone was reunited, yaaaaay! Sha and Nodona, the white-haired orc, agreed on her accompanying all of you to deliver the books from the Estran library to Sha's colleagues in Danmar. A city that is sort of on the way to Torva's Jaw. In the market you guys met the Dashing Dawson, and his Delightful Deal Donkey! 

Noel: [bitchy-ly] Hemhemhemhemhem, I don't know who that is. I don't recognise that name.

Sophia: Oh, you mean Daniel?

Kaitlin: Are you talking about David?

Kat: So, he sold you some magic items and wants you to fetch more magic items for him, in exchange for the location of the god that can teach you New Common. 

And as you set off into the desert, you saw an enormous set of dragon bones. Which, as you approached, rose from the sand and is now charging towards you. And as it does it screams. [singing] And I'm gonna have you all make Constitution saves!

[dice roll]

Noel: I got seventeen.

Sophia: [quietly and sadly] Seven.

Kaitlin: I got fourteen.

Kat: And the Goddess got nine. So the Goddess and Laika will both be taking disadvantage as you roooolll initiative!

Sophia: Ok.. we... pull out our. Weapons.

[‘buh buh buh buh buh’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ beings playing]

[various dice roll]

Noel: I pull out my magnifying glass.

[giggles]

Kaitlin: I got fifteen.

Sophia: I got fourteen.

Noel: And mine is eight.

Kat: Ok... and the Goddess is six. So! The uh—Laika! You are going to go first. The dracolich, which is what this is, is still very far away from you at this point, but it is clawing its way towards you. It does not have wings and it appears to not have a bottom half, so it has to drag itself across the desert sands.

Kaitlin: So it's like the top half of SkullGreymon?

Kat: Yes—

Kaitlin: That's awful.

Noel: [wheezing] Skullgreymon...

Sophia: Since we’re pretty far, I think what I wanna do is cast... Aid. I cast it on Fran, Corbin and the Goddess. Each target hit point maximum and current hit points increases by five. I'm then going to cast Magic Weapon, so I touch my crossbow and it glows and it's plus one.

Kat: [enthusiastically] Nice! All right, so then it is the dracolich’s turn.

Kaitlin: I hate how excited Kat gets.

Kat: All right, I'm going to have you all make Dex saving throws. 

[dice roll]

Noel: I got an eighteen.

Kaitlin: I got ten.

Sophia: Twenty-three.

Kat: Let me see, I need, all of the d10s at the table please.

Noel: Kat has too many d10s right now.

[Kat cackles like an evil witch]

[the sound of Too Many Dice Rolling]

Kat: Ohh kayy. The dragon opens up its cavernous bone maw, and a cloud of lightning shoots out at you. Nodona is able to steer the slyviers very sharply to the left, and the sled tips up one one slide. And the Goddess, Laika and Fran, you guys are able to sort of, duck down into the little cranny you were put in. But Corbin, you poke your head up, in order to see what's about to happen and get a face full of lightning. And you take nineteen damage, everyone else takes ten.

Kaitlin: Yea, cool cool cool cool cool. I'm gonna cast Protection from Energy on myself. For the duration the willing creature, me, that you touch, me, has resistance to one damage type of your choice. Of, acid, cold, fire, lightning or thunder, and I choose lightning!

[laughter]

Noel: Nice.

Kat: All right, Corbin, you touch your boob-window and very briefly this purple lightning sort of flashes all over you and then it subsides.

Noel: Ok, how far is this dragon?

Kat: It is still just about a thousand feet behind you. It's coming at you from in front and to the right. Nodona is turning the sled away from it, so that it will likely be following behind you by the next turn.

Noel: I'm gonna use my first aid kit on Corbin.

Kat: And how many points are you able to get out of that?

[dice roll]

Noel: So that's, eighteen, so half of that is nine. 

Kat: Ok.  Plus the one that you rolled on the d4, that's ten points of damage, back to you. Fran, hurriedly takes out her first aid kit and takes out the burn cream from it, and slathers it onto your terribly lightning burned arm. And wraps it up for you, real quick like.

Kaitlin: Corbin whimpers in thanks.

Kat: Then it is the Goddess turn. And the Goddess is gonna cast Cure Wounds on you, Corbin.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: Awww. Corbin preemptively starts crying.

Kat: And she cures for fifteen points of damage. She lays her hands on you and  a white light emits from your boob-window and you are healed. And the dragon has gained on you, he has gained about five hundred feet. So now we're back up to the top of the order with Laika.

Sophia: I don't think there's anything I can do, at this point, from five hundred feet and I don't really want to send Gingie out. I'm gonna hold my action until he's in range.

Kat: Okay! And it is the dragon's turn. There is lightning crackling at the edges of the dragon's maw, and it digs its claws into the sand. And it gains another three hundred feet on you in a single leap, but it does not shoot lighting this round. And now it is Corbin’s turn. 

Kaitlin: I am also holding my action until he gets one hundred and twenty feet away from us.

Kat: So, Fran?

Noel: I'm gonna cast Silent Image and I'm going to create, basically, our same...

Kat: Sled?

Noel: Sled! With like, us in it. It's just gonna be kind of on top of us. And because I'm a illusion wizard, I can also have it make the same sounds that our sled is making. 

Kat: Oh, cool. 

Noel: And then I'm gonna ask Nodona to veer left.

Kat: How are you going to communicate that to her?

Noel: Great question! I'm gonna point.

[laughter]

Kat: Nodona looks where you are pointing, and... [rolls a die] She pulls on the reins to pull the slyviers to the left, and the slyviers screech and rear up. And the dragon gains another hundred and fifty feet on you! Which puts him in range!

[Kaitlin gasps]

Noel: Ok well, as she does that, I am like, having the illusion go the other way.

Kat: Yes, ok. Laika, your held action will go first since you were first in the initiative.

Sophia: I'm gonna attack twice with my crossbow... [trepidatiously] Six plus seven?

Kat: [pityingly] No... You—you're uh—It hits the dragon straight through the eye socket and it does not do any damage  as it passes harmlessly through.

Sophia: Cool. Eighteen plus eight!

Kat: That'll hit! You did eight damage on the dracolich.

[someone 'wooo's in the background]

Kaitlin: All right, well, I'm going to cast Erupting Earth. 

Kat: I'll uhh, I'll make a Dex save. 

[dice roll]

Kat: That's a nineteen—

Kaitlin: God! Fuck this guy. Oh well, I still get to roll against it, it's gonna get hurt no matter what. So uh, Corbin stares with his bird eyes, he flaps his arms... like a bird, and a huge plume of sand erupts from beneath the dracolich. Like, rocks and buried sediment also erupt, maybe some oil... maybe a hot spring... who knows?

[‘buh buh buh buh buh’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ beings playing]

Kat: Who knows? There could be gold in there.

Kaitlin: Maybe gold comes out and smack 'im in his 'lil, SkullGreymon head. 

[Kaitlin shakes dice]

[dice roll] 

Kaitlin: And.. thirteen in half...

Kat: You did seven damage.

Kaitlin: Hell yes!

Kat: You did seven damage.

Kaitlin: Suck it!

Kat: And then... it is the Goddess's turn. She touches Fran [dice roll] and a white light emits from the place that she touched, and you are healed for... you are healed for eight points of damage. 

Noel: Mmm, so I'm almost back up to full health.

Kat: All right, and now, Nodona is gonna see if she can calm the slyviers enough to get moving again... [dice roll] Nooo, she can not. Okay, so the slyviers are still freaking out and the sled has come to a complete halt in the sand. And the dracolich is gaining on you now. 

Sophia: How far away?

Kat: At the start of its next turn it will be fifty feet away from you.

Sophia: It's still too far away from me to do my attacks, so... I'm gonna cast Moonbeam.

Kat: Ok. [dice roll] It did not s—it did not pass it save.

[dice roll]

Sophia: [delighted] Oh! Thats ten! So, thirteen damage. 

Kat: Uhhhumm, so now it is the dragon’s turn again.

Noel: It doesn't know which place is real, right?

Kat: That's true.. that's what I was gonna have it so. It needs to make a Wisdom saving throw to see if it can figure it out. [dice roll] It can not.

Noel: [quietly] Yessss.

Kaitlin: [over the top of Noel] Ooh, yes! Suck it, stupid dragon!

Noel: [quietly] Yes, yes, yes.

Kat: It seems—it's very confused by the two sleds and it starts charging after the illusoury sled. Allowing Nodona enough time to calm the slyviers and get you guys moving again. [short silence] Just gonna see. [dice roll] Ooh yeah. It hella hits the illusion sled.

Noel: Ok, and then it disappears. 

Kat: Yeah, so it swipes with one huge, boney claw and it just shreds the illusion. So it roars in frustration and it is now Corbin’s turn.

Kaitlin: Ok, I healed Laika for eleven points of health. 

Sophia: [whispering intimately] Thank you.

Kaitlin: [also whispering intimately] You're welcome.

Kat: Fran you're up!

Noel: Okey dokey, well he is once again out of my range for attacks so I'm going to do the same thing I did before. And this time I want to like, give her more time, instead of just being like 'Just turn really fast!'.

Kat: Right.

Noel: So I'm gonna lift up three fingers and slowly go down to one, and then point and then I'll put the illusion the other way.

Kat: I'm gonna have her make an animal handling check again... Much better this time. Ok, so, now that you've given her a little more time and she knows what's gonna happen. You cast the spell and seamlessly Nodona splits away from it and the slyviers are heading serpentine around to the right. And away... Allllright, and then it is the Goddess’ turn, but because no one is hurt she is skipping this turn. Laika, we're back to you.

Sophia: Cool, so I can move the Moonbeam sixty feet, so it hits him again.

Kat: Sure!

Sophia: Would that hit him? Since we're running?

Kat: The Moonbeam is separate from you, so yeah. You can move it sixty feet after him as he runs.

Sophia: Ok! I'm moving it. So he will have to make a save again.

Kat: Was that Constitution?

Sophia: Yeah. 

[dice roll]

Kat: [voice wobbly] He definitely doesn't!

Noel: Yaaaaaay!

Kat: That's two.

Sophia: So that's ten damage.

Kaitlin: Suck iiiit. That's a good spell.

Kat: So the Moonbeam, you move it—you pull it towards you, as the dracolich is chasing you. And the radiant beams of moonlight scorch it bones, and it lets out another ear splitting shriek. As it is now the dragon’s turn. And it passed it’s Wisdom save, so it is not fooled by the same trick twice! And it chases after your sled and lets out another bolt of lightning from it’s maw, which hurts very badly. I'm gonna have you all make Dex saves.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: That's a ten, but I still get half damage if it's a lightning attack.

Sophia: [sadly] Seven...

Noel: I got a seventeen.

Kat: The sled... [dice roll] that's not great. All right, so. [the sounds to far too many dice rolling] Fran and Corbin you each take thirteen. Laika, the Goddess and Nodona each take twenty-six points of damage, and the slyviers are panicked.

Sophia: I am prone!

[giggles]

Kat: All righty, it's Corbin's turn!

Kaitlin: How far away is he from us right now?

Kat: He is catching up now, he is eighty feet away.

Kaitlin: Ok... How is the Goddess doing? She look hurt?

Kat: She looks bad. She looks very hurt.

Kaitlin: Does she lool—is she prone? 

Kat: Yes. She is knocked prone.

Kaitlin: Can you take an action to help somebody up?

Kat: I will count that as your movement.

Kaitlin: Ok I'm—you know what I'm gonna do? 

Kat: What are you gonna do?

Kaitlin: I am also gonna cast Moonbeam.

[laughter]

Kaitlin: So I cast Moonbeam, on 'im.

Kat: Oh, he has to make his Constitution check here—

Kaitlin: Make a Constitution saving throw.

[dice roll]

Kat: Oh, he hella failed that.

Kaitlin: Oh thank god. [dice roll] Uh, that's fifteen points of damage.

Noel: So there's just two Moonbeams. 

Kat: Two beautiful Moonbe—

Sophia: [Begins to sing ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ in a deliberately croaky voice] Fly me to the—Sing it!

Kaitlin: [Singing far more enthusiastically in an even worse voice] Ryyee me t' the moon—

Kat: Beam!

Kaitlin: —lemme freey amOUng th' rahs.

Kat: [trying to get them back on task] Ok—

Sophia: [singing to the tune of ‘Fly Me to the Moon’] Let me kill a lich with my ma-gi-cal powers...

Kaitlin: [croaky] Yehhhh...

Kat: [exasperated] Ok, Fran it is your turn.

Noel: For my movement I'm gonna help Laika up, and then for my action I'm gonna cast Fireball.

Kat: Ok.

Noel: So Fran reaches out her finger towards the dracolich and a bright streak of light flashes out and as it goes towards the dracolich it blossoms into an explosion of flame. He makes a Dexterity save.

Kat: Mmmm, kay... [dice roll] That’s a ten.

Noel: That's a fail! He's gonna take eight d6 fire damage. 

[dice roll]

Noel: Thirty-five damage.

[someone whistles]

Kat: Well done. Yeah, the fireball hits him in the face and the fire sort of wraps around its bones and charres them and makes a huge black scar on this things skull.

Noel or Sophia: [stage whispering] Yeahhhhh.

Kat: And now it is the Goddess’ turn and—whose the worst hurt right now?

[all over the top of each other]

Sophia: That is me.

Noel: I think it's Laika?

Kaitlin: Either Laika or the Goddess.

Sophia: It's me! Or you. Heal yourself! I heal myself.

Kat: No, the Goddess heals you.

Sophia: Awwwww.

Noel: Don't you remember that from our other fight? She was like mad damaged and she wouldn't heal herself. 

Sophia: What an arsehole, I'm gonna heal her. So whatever.

[dice roll]

Kat: All right, and she heals you for and she was you for eleven points of damage. And then it is Nodna’s turn. [dice roll] She manages to calm the slyviers and get them moving again. And in the distance now, you can see, probably about another… five hundred feet away from you, she has steered you towards a sheer cliff where there is a very small opening. That is just wide enough for the sled to fit through and she is heading straight for that. 

It'll probably take another turn for her to get there, so you have one more turn to hold this thing off.

Kaitlin: Badass…

Noel: [whispering] Ohh yesss...

Kat: So now, Laika, it is your turn again.

Sophia: Can I move that Moonbeam?

Kat: I think it has moved too far at this point. 

Sophia:  That's fair. That's what I figured. So in that case, I'm going to heal the Goddess. So, I'm gonna heal her for twenty points.

Kat: She looks much better. And now it's the dragons turn. 

[‘boppin evil fight’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: So the lightning is crackling at its maw again but it does not fire. So then it will... yeah, it's gonna snap at you. Snap at you with those lighting jaws.

[Kaitlin grumbles]

Kat: Corbin, I guess, is on the outside, we established that earlier. He's gonna snap at you Corbs.

Kaitlin: Cool. Eh, I have more health than two people at least.

[dice roll]

Kat: [audible wince] That is going to be an eighteen.

Kaitlin: [whispering, upset] Cool.

Kat: [rolling dice] That's gonna be eleven melee damage and one lightning damage. 

[Noel starts giggling]

Kaitlin: Cool, not bad.

Kat: Not too bad! Not too bad.

Kaitlin: [through laughter] Yeah, could be worse.

Kat: Could be worse! So th—as the dracolich snaps down on you Corbin, you're able to move away enough that just your arm gets caught in it's jaws. And as it does the lightning dances across your skin but it only just barely singes you and the teeth of the dracolich crumble as your arm is caught in it’s jaw and you are able to pull yourself free.

Kaitlin: Now, hold on a second.

Kat: Mmm-hmm

Kaitlin: [incredulously] So you're telling me that I'm literally ripping my arm out of its cagéd teeth and they are crumbling?

Kat: Yes.

Kaitlin: [incredulously] Can I like, punch it? And it'll fall apart?

[laughter]

Kat: [mysteriously] Try it on your turn...

Kaitlin: All right I will!

Kat:  Actually speaking of it, it is your turn.

Kaitlin: Ok! I... wanna... punch it. Shit!

Kat: Okay!

Kaitlin: I don't necessarily wanna punch it... Oh god, I could also just move my Moonbeam. I do think it's weird that it's teeth just fell apart but I also don't want to like, break all the bones in my hand by accident. Ohh, I'm just gonna move my fucking Moonbeam. I put it right over it's big fat monster head.

Kat: All right, that is gonna be twenty-seven, for Constitution.

Kaitlin: Well it passes, but still takes half damage. 

Kat: Ok.

Kaitlin: Argh... [laughter] That's three damage!

Kat: [sarcastically] Wow. Its real hurt.

Noel: You got it.

Kaitlin: I want to punch it still. Can I take a movement to punch it?

Kat: ...No.

[giggling]

Noel: Definitely an attack.

Kat: All right Fran.

Noel: If I ever heard one.

Kaitlin: I tried.

Kat: All right Fran. 

Noel: So, I'm just gonna cast Fireball again. So it needs to make a Dex saving throw.

Kat: Okay. That is gonna be a twenty but not natural. 

Noel: All right. So it still takes  half damage though so it's gonna take four d6.

Kat: Ok.

[dice roll]

Noel: Twelve damage. 

Kat: Ok and then it is the Goddess' turn and she is going to heal Nodona for… [dice roll] Sixteen points of damage. The Goddess reaches over and touches Nodona's shoulder and Nodona is filled with that sort of same warm and bright light that you guys have felt when the Goddess has healed you before. And just as this happens she gets you guys through the pass.

Noel & Kaitlin: Yaay!

Kat: And the dracolich slams into the wall and its bones crunch and crumble against the cliff side and bone dust rushes in after you as you slide through this pass.

 Fran: You know what that guy's problem was?

 Laika: He was a real bone head.

[‘boppin evil fight’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: I'm gonna have you all make perception checks.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: I got eight.

Sophia: Fourteen

Noel: Eleven.

Kat: All right, none of you see anything.

[fearful groaning]

Kaitlin: What about the Goddess does she see something? 

Kat: That's a good question. [rolls dice] Ooo! Actually, Yeah! So the Goddess- as you guys slide through the pass, she looks upwards and points and you guys look up just in time to see a few shadowy figures duck behind the rocks. 

Noel: [gasps] Sand people!

Kat: So you get to the other edge of this pass and stretched out in front of you there is yet more desert. However it is turned from that fine sand to hard packed dirt. And there is starting to be a few bushes and shrubs growing up along the cliff sides. Nodona stops the sled here and gets off, sort of shaking herself out. She looks a bit shaken, to put it mildly.

Noel: So we are now just like in a resting area, a little bit? 

Kat:  Yeah, you're just outside of this narrow crevasse that you passed through.

Noel: Ok, I actually turn to Gingie.

Fran: Do you understand us because we're speaking Old Common or do you just understand us because you can understand the intentions of what we are saying?

Gingie: I don’t know!

Fran: All right, well that's fair. You're just a—you're just a wolf. I get it.

Gingie: Hey I'm not just a wolf.

Fran: You're just a wonderful... guy.

Kat: Gingie sort of snaps at you and then goes over to Laika to sit by her side.

Noel: All right, I go to Nodona and I hand her my amulet that we use to talk to animals. 

Kat: Ok, Nodona takes it and looks at you quizzically.

Noel: I bring her over to Gingie and Zerune and I gesture emphatically towards them and I say:

Fran: Talk!

Kat: So, Fran. You cannot understand what is going on now. However, Gingie says:

Gingie: What? What do you want us to talk about?

Kat: And Nodona just freaks out. She drops the amulet and she like, takes several steps back. And she's looking at Gingie with alarm and suspicion and she goes.

Gingie: I don't understand what's going on.

Kat: And she looks at Laika and she goes;

Gingie: Should I bite her?

Laika: [hesitantly] Don't bite her. I—I don't know. 

Sophia: I look to Fran. And I say:

Laika: You should—what—what do you want to ask?

Noel: I go over to her and pick up the amulet and put it back in her hands.

Kat: She looks at you and then looks—

Noel: I pat her hands.

[giggling]

Noel: I look at her very meaningfully.

Kat: Zarun takes the lead here. And he says:

Zarun: Can you understand our speech, land-child?

Kat: And Nodona nods very quickly and she's not comfortable with this, but she can understand him.

Zarun: Speak. 

Kat: And she says something but none of you can understand it and the wolves sort of look at each other like, 'No, no I didn't get that.'.

Noel: Okay, so we can talk to her but she cant talk to us. 

Kaitlin: Hm. 

Corbin: I think that we should ask her where the two things that the evil god-man who stole all my money wanted us to go get. 

Zarun: Ah child, have you a map of this area?

Kat: And Nodona shakes her head vigorously. And she says something, again you can’t understand her. 

Noel: So, we should ask why we stopped.

Kat: Yeah.

Zarun: Why have we stopped?

Kat: And Nodona takes a second to sort of figure out how she’s gonna communicate this, but—so she points up towards the sun and then makes a motion of wiping sweat from her brow. 

Noel: Mmm.

Kat: And then puts her hands underneath her cheek, like in a sleeping motion.

Noel: So is the sun going down?

Kat: It's—it's getting late in the afternoon and it is definitely getting very hot. 

Noel: Ooh, okay. So it's time to sleep.

Kat: Yes. It—it seems like what she’s saying is 'Now is the time to rest because it’s the hottest part of the day.'.

Noel: Oh okay.

Sophia: Can we ask her about the shadowy figures above?

Kat: Zarun asks her but she just sort of shakes her head. Either she doesn't know or she doesn't know how to answer

Sophia: Okay. But she seems to think this place is safe?

Kat: Yeah. She seems to think so. She actually takes the tarp off of the books, sort of half-way and takes two poles from the sled which she drives into the ground and connects to the tarp to create sort of a lean-to shelter. She sits down and points at the ground for all of you guys. Makes another motion like 'Sleep!'.

Noel: Okay, I lie down, just on the inside and then I look at Laika and I point next to me.

Sophia: I lie down by Fran, 'cause I think she's being like 'Hey! You're my friend. Sleep over time.'.

Noel: Yeah.

Sophia: So I put on my very fancy clothes and I lay beside her. 

Noel: I also put on my very fancy clothes! 

Sophia: Oh, I—I point beside me for Corbin to sit beside me.

Kaitlin: Is there a tree in the near-by area?

Kat: No.

Kaitlin: Corbin begrudgingly goes next to Laika.

Sophia: I punch him on the arm, 'cause I'm offended.

Kat: The Goddess sort of stands awkwardly at the edge of you guys and eventually sort of sits down by herself. 

[all aside from Kat go 'Awwww']

Sophia: I invite her over. 

Kaitlin: Yeah. Corbin pats next to him.

Kat: She scooches over. And then Zarun takes up on the end.

Sophia: Is Gingie on the other side?

Kat: She’s at your feet.

Sophia: Aw cute. 

Kat: Yes.

Sophia: So we’re all spooning, right?

Kat: You’re all like—

Kaitlin: Spoon train!

Kat: One big spoon train. 

Sophia: Spoon boys.

Kat: After a couple of hours Nodona, she wakes up Fran and indicates that you should take the next watch.

Noel: Okay, well, that's fine I guess.

Kat: All right.

Noel: I take off my pajamas.

Kat: Which are your very fancy clothes?

Noel: Yes.

Kat: Oh my god. So Fran, while you are on watch you notice behind you that the Goddess’ sleep has become very fitful and she is tossing and turning and she wakes up suddenly with a sharp gasp and she’s sitting up shaking. 

Noel: I give a lil' salute and nod. 

Kat: She looks at you slowly and it seems to take a minute for her to sort of like, recognise where she is and who you are and what's going on. She gets up and comes and sits down next to you and she doesn't sign anything, or say anything. She's just sitting there shaking.

Noel: M'kay, well I take out my dice set and I start rolling dice.

[laughter]

Kat: The Goddess just sort of watches you play dice for a minute and then signs to you.

Maeri: How are you holding up?

Noel: I say:

Fran: To be honest, Estra wasn't that great for me. So, this isn't that much worse that it was before. 

Kat: The Goddess just nods, slowly.

Fran: Do you have a name?

Kat: She looks at you very startled and she doesn't answer for a second and then sort of shrugs again and says:

Maeri: I guess it's Maeri. 

Fran: Well like do you want me to call you that?

Kat: She shrugs. 

Maeri: I don't really have anything better.

Kat: She signs.

Fran: All right. So listen, I was wondering. Are you really sure you don't remember anything? From your past lives?

Kat: The Goddess slowly shakes her head and she signs:

Maeri: Sometimes I have dreams. And I don't know what is real and what's just a dream. Sometimes I think, maybe, I remember something but I don't know.

Fran: What kind of dreams are they? Do you remember them when you wake up?

Kat: She—she nods.

Maeri: Since Estra fell I've been dreaming of a great beast with monstrous form covered in black feathers wearing a crown of bone. And I dream that it tries to eat me, but it's battled back by a man with a flaming sword. I don't know what it means, but it hurts when I wake up. Every time. 

Fran: What does the man look like? 

Kat: She shrugs. 

Maeri: All he appears to me as, is a golden figure. 

Fran: [fervently] Did you see his teeth?

Maeri: N—no.

[giggles]

Fran: Cool, cool, cool, cool. Tight, tight, tight.

[more giggles]

Fran: [whispering] Cooool.

Kat: So as you guys are sitting there in pretty awkward silence, eventually the Goddess looks over at you Fran and she signs:

Maeri: You don't trust me, do you?

Fran: I don't think I really have a reason to.

Kat: She nods and she signs:

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) begins playing]

Maeri: That's okay. I don't know what to believe either. 

Fran: Well I guess then we have something in common Maeri.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) plays, fades to interlude]

Noel: Iiiiiit's summer! It ain't no bummer. These mid-rolls just keep gettin’ dumber. 

Thank you to our new Patreon donors:

Ben, Hey-Hey and Andrew. You've touched our lives and our wallets and we can't thank you enough. We are hoping that in a couple months we'll have enough to upgrade on mics and we're really, really excited about that. Because obviously that gonna mean you guys get a better product and we get to be more proud of the product we make because it's gonna sound better!

Thanks also to iTunes reviewers: Psax, HackLaSalle and Garbger. As well as some dope raters who did not review. My only regret is not being able to thank you each by your beautiful name. Your beautiful name like my best friend Psax. Psax if this name is not pronounced Psax please do not tell me. I'm living!

Keep those iTunes reviews coming guys! And if you haven't done so yet try to be more like your brother Psax, okay?

And now I'd like to provide you with a glimpse into another extremely incredible 5e podcast called Venture Maidens. 

[Venture Maidens ad plays]

Noel: Make sure to check it out my guys! And finally, at last, a message to Chantel.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) begins to play]

Kat: Chantel. The code word is: ‘Alex dumb.’ The sleeper agent is active, go!

Noel: Brn-ner-ner.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) plays, fades to episode]

Noel: Can I wake everyone else up?

Kat: Sure!

Noel: Okay. So I do Create Water all over everybody. You know they probably like it cause it's the- there's desert. 

Kat: Yeah, Nodona finds it to be quite refreshing although she is very surprised.

Noel: Fran is just cackling. 

Kaitlin: Corbin does that thing that birds do when they're in a bird bath.

Noel: Oh my god. 

Sophia: Laika does that thing  dogs do when they get sprayed with a hose, where they try to bite it. 

[laughter]

Kat: Oh great. So you all are up. It takes you a little while. Nodona takes down your lean-to shelter but you are back on the road after a little while. The second leg of your journey is pretty quiet. The sandy desert turns into hard-packed red earth and your sled ride’s gotten pretty bumpy and pretty uncomfortable too. Do any of you try to sleep more? Are you all just keeping watch? What's—what are you doing on the sled?

Sophia: I think we would sing road songs. 

Kat: Can you give me—give me a little taste of Laika's road song.

Sophia: Can someone drop a beat for me?

[Kat begins to do a rough approximation of beatboxing] 

Laika: [rapping] On the road, lots of sand. I'm just a little baby man. Lets—

[Kat stops beatboxing to laugh]

[everyone laughs]

Sophia: That’s it. 

Noel: Fran—Fran is trying to sleep and that's in her dream. 

Kat: Corbin how do you feel about Laika's road song?

Kaitlin: Have you guys seen the videos of cockatiels that bob their heads? 

[laughter]

Kaitlin: When they hear music? That’s what Corbin's doing.

Noel: That's cute.

Kat: So he likes Laika's song?

Kaitlin: He loves it.

Kat: He Laika's it. 

Kaitlin: He's really—he Laika's it!

Noel: Oh my god. Fran rolls over restlessly and moans in her sleep. 

Kat: So you guys have a pretty bumpy but quiet journey through the rest of the night. It gets pretty cold in the desert at night, as Laika is familiar with at this point. 

Noel: I guess, also during this ride, we would fill each other in completely on everything that's happened to us. I don't know if we did that before. 

Kat: Yeah. While you guys are on the sled, the Goddess participates in your conversations. Actually, roll perception checks.

[dice roll]

Sophia: I got a twenty.

Kat: Ugh. Ok, Yeah. So! Laika you notice that as the Goddess is—she's signing things to you and just generally chatting. You notice that Nodona is—she kinda keeps glancing back watching the Goddess. But everytime you make eye contact with her she looks away. And, Laika you also notice something else; as the Goddess is talking you feel like you're picking up more. You're getting a little bit better at understanding the Goddesses' sign language. 

[‘happy orchestral’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Noel: Cooool.

Kat: By sunrise, you reach the edge of a large cliff, with a switch-back road down it. Now that you're seeing some plants and some signs of life, you can tell, it looks like its early spring. And there are these little short white scrub-like bushes, with these white flowers blooming on them as you go down this switch-back road. And so past these white flowers you can see, in the distance, there is the city of Danmar. 

Danmar is a huge city, on par with the size of Estra. The city is surrounded by walls made of thick red stone and from up here you can see water running over the tops of the walls and through these canals that run over the city. Waterfalls sparkle as they fall from towers into these deep cisterns and the most prominent thing you can see about this city from up here, is these two canyons that run through the city and out to the ocean beyond, which you can see sparkling in the distance. 

Noel: Oh, Fran screams.

[laughter]

Noel: She sort of half-way climbs up Laika's body and she’s like—

Fran: Is that it? Is that it? That looks big! Is that it? 

Corbin: Laika, is that it?

Laika: [distressed] I don't know! I...I... It could be a mirage. 

Fran: [more distressed] What!? 

Laika: It's probably—

Fran: [still distressed] What's a mirage?

Laika: It's a desert dream.

[wheezes]

Laika: It's the same name as my cologne, that I've been wearing in the desert.

Fran: Oh it's bad then.

Laika: Yes.

[laughter]

Noel: Fran sits back down but is wide eyed. Staring at that ocean. Trying to figure out if it's a desert dream. 

Kat: As you get lower down the cliff your view of the ocean disappears beyond the walls. You continue to go down and down and down until you reach the bottom of the cliff. There is a road—a wide road that leads to the gate of Danmar, and you see there is a small line of carts and merchants outside the city wall. Each one of their carts is being given a cursory check by the city guards before it goes in. 

But Nodona doesn't stop in this line, she actually pulls away, around the line and toward the city wall. Where she parks the sled in the shade. She hops off the sled and starts tending to the slyviers. And the Goddess signs to you all.

[‘happy orchestral’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Maeri: Why are—why are we stopping? Why are we over here?

Fran: Great question Maeri.

Noel: I go give Nodona my amulet and I ask Zarun or Gingie, whoever's closest, to ask her why we stopped.

Kat: Zerune is a little bit shaken up actually after that real bumpy ride. He’s a very old—old boy. 

Noel: Mmm.

Kat: And he is kinda—he’s standing on the ground like, all four paws on the ground, lookin' around like 'Have we stopped? Is this it? Am I done?'.

[laughter]

Sophia: Laika goes to calm him down, give him a lil' snack.

Kat: Ahh good, good. But Gingie! Gingie is able to help you translate. So Nodona—it startles her. Again, she does not like this. But she looks at Gingie and she sort of starts to make these hand motions, that at first, they don't seem to make a lot of sense. But she—eventually you get something! It starts to make sense! And you realise she’s signing, she’s using the Goddesses' sign language. 

[Noel gasps]

Kat: Really rudimentary. And she’s able to say:

Nodona: Me not able in.

Noel: So they won't let her in the city?

Corbin: Is this like a racist thing?

Sophia: Yeah!

Noel: I mean probably. From what we saw at the market, people didn't really want to deal with the orcs. 

[Kaitlin makes an uncomfortable noise]

Kat: Yeah. So the Goddess is actually—she’s very taken aback. And she signs to Nodona.

Maeri: Can you understand me?

Kat: And Nodona nods and signs back.

Nodona: You speak prayer.

Noel: Hmm!

Sophia: Oooh, so maybe magic is part of prayer? 

Kat: She hands you a very crudely drawn map and points to an ‘X’ on the map. And signs:

Nodona: You go there. Books stay here. Bring learned to books.

Sophia: So we have to bring someone to the books.

Kat: Yeah! So as you guys are kinda grabbing your stuff and getting ready to go in the city, she grabs the Goddess' wrist before you guys can go. And she looks like she really wants to say something to her, but she can't—she doesn't know how to. So she just bows her head and lets the Goddess go. 

So you leave Nodona with Ginger and Zerune to protect the sled full of books. And the four of you are able to head into the city. You are actually able to skip the line of merchants, it looks like they're not terribly interested in travellers without luggage. They're just checking shipments that are coming into the city. 

Noel: What do they think about my hair?

Kat: Oh yeah, actually, everybody is staring at you. But, no one is making any move toward you.

Noel: All right, that's fair. I am like, just serving my look and I am just strutting down towards the gate. Flipping my hair back and forth. 

Sophia: I'm acting as Fran hype man. I'm acting like Vanna White and I'm using my hand gestures to be like ‘Look. Look at the fashion. Look at the hair.’ And then I'm like, ‘Don't even look. You can't. You're not worthy.’.

[laughter]

Noel: I do finger guns at the guards.

Kat: Ok, so. Immediately inside the city gate there is  a huge open air marketplace. People are set up hawking street goods, things that have come in from outside the city. It's like if you took the oasis market and tripled it in size. People are shouting over each other, and people are shoving each other out of the way to get at the good sweet deals.

And that's where you guys are. If you look at your map you can tell how to get to wherever that ‘X’ is, you assume that where you're supposed to go. But what do you want to do? 

Kaitlin: I have no money so there's no reason for me to go there.

[laughter]

Kat: Oh that's right! 

Noel: I give Corbin like one silver piece.

Kaitlin: Aww. Corbin thanks you. 

Noel: It's that one I stole from you earlier. 

[Kat laughs]

Kaitlin: Did you steal a piece from me? 

Noel: [through giggles] Yeah!

Kaitlin: I forgot. Corbin repressed that memory. Cool, well I'll take it. What is it? Was it a silver or gold? It was a—

Noel: It's silver. 

Kaitlin: —silver, right? 

Noel: I'm not giving you a gold.

Kaitlin: I have one silver piece. 

Sophia: I'll walk to that market, just to take a look. 

Kat: Ok. Well you do have to walk through the market, just to get anywhere else. Unless you want to just start trying to take side streets which—

Noel: Is there anything of interest in the market? 

Kat: Not a ton. Most of it is—it’s cloth, dry goods, food, produce. If there was an equivalent of a medieval shopping mall, that's what this is.

Sophia: Cinnabons?

Kat: Actually, there is  a candy stand. It's a hard rock candy, as well as this sweet bean paste in a rice wrapping.

Noel: I buy some candy.

Kat: Ok, each piece of candy is one silver piece, so.

Noel: I buy two pieces of candy and I hold one out to Corbin, but then I take it back. 

[laughter]

Kaitlin: Corbin bites at your hand like a bird. Snaps his lil'—

Noel: And I laugh and then I do give it to him. 

Kaitlin: Awww.

Kat: Nice.

Kaitlin: Corbin thanks you. He doesn't say that but he thanks you with his brain.

Noel: Fran gets all scared all of a sudden. She doesn't know why.

Kaitlin: She hears Corbin's voice inside her head. She looks around. 

[laughter]

Kat: Oh god. 

[laughter continues, then dies]

Kat: Okay—

Noel: Wait, does Laika want one?

Sophia:  Yeah.

Noel: All right, I buy one for Laika too. 

Kaitlin: Awww.

Noel: I do the same thing again though. Imma tease you a bit first.

Kat: Do you get the rock candy of the mochi?

Noel: I got all rock candy. 

Kat: Nice. 

Sophia: I am so touched, but I like, play it off really cool, and I have to hide my face.

Noel: And Fran also gets some candy for the Goddess. But she's just like:

Fran: Here.

Kat: Nice. The Goddess, she gives you a nod of thanks. And she seems to really enjoy the candy. 

Sophia: I want to get some for Zarun and Gingie. Ah, well. Unless there's something more wolf appropriate?

Kat: It's like a supermarket, you can get jerky. 

Sophia: All right, cool, I'll get them some treats. 

Kat: It's gonna be five silver pieces. 

Sophia: Cool. 

Kat: So, what else do you want to do? After you've gone through the market do you want to head straight for your goal? Or do you want to try finding anything else in the city?

Noel: How close are we to the ocean?

Kat: Roll investigation checks, just to see what you want to see. 

[dice roll]

Kat: See what you can see. 

Noel: [amused] Oh, I rolled a natural twenty. 

Kat: Oh! Shit!

Kaitlin: I rolled like a six, so.

Sophia: I got a three.

Kat: Ok.

Noel: Fran's senses are heightened.

[laughter]

Noel: She’s near an ocean. 

Kat: So, Laika and Corbin, you guys are just floored. You are amazed, in wonderment, you can't really take it all in. There's just so many people, so many things, there’s different languages being spoken. You just cannot follow the action. 

Sophia: We're both eating candy, too.

Kaitlin: Yeeahh, yeaah—

Kat: You're both on a sugar high. 

Kaitlin: We're suckin'. We're suckin' on our rock candy. 

Kat: Fran, however, is focused, she is ready. She knows that there is an ocean somewhere nearby and is now trying to absorb every bit of information that could possibly lead her to that ocean. 

And so, Fran, what you notice is that this city is predominantly human. There are a few—a few elves. A couple half elves, it looks like, but the second most of a race that you see is actually halflings. 

People here are dressed in loose-fitting linen garments. A lot of them have head coverings. Because it is very hot. And you can now understand why there is so much water running over the walls, because it keeps the city cool. It's like a natural air-conditioning system. 

So Fran, as you're walking through and you see these waterfalls, glimmering next to you—

Noel: And I love it.

Kat: You feel like you can just reach out you know.

Noel: And I do. 

Kat: You do! You reach out and sorta take some water and put it in your hair.

Noel: Yeah my hair is growing. 

Kat: Yes.

[laughter]

Kat: By the time you guys get down the first main boulevard, and it turns, Fran has hair down to her waist.

[laughter continues]

Kat: It's full on Rapunzel-ing. 

Noel: Yes. Yes.

Kat: There are two bridges which cross the canyons that run through the city. And across the first bridge, and on the island between the two canyons, there is an enormous palace. And unlike everything else, which is made of this dark brown— brownish-red stone, the palace is bright blue. 

And it is a round citadel, with a square tower coming out of it. At the top of the tower is glittering glass. And around that, there are high walls, with small windows in them, where archers could be positioned. 

So if you want to head towards the ocean, Fran, you can feel a sea breeze. You feel a cooler breeze.

[Noel makes a 'hrrng' noise]

Kat: Coming in from the west. So do you head that way?

Noel: Um, yeah. I'm going right for the ocean. I'm following the water trail. 

Kat: So you guys head down the street. You pass by some houses, it looks like, and then you feel that sea breeze really strong. And as you look to your right. And there is it.

[Fran gasps dramatically]

Kat: The street ends in a path that goes along the cliff edge, around the ocean. And a little ways out, into the bay, you can see there's an island with a large fortress on it. But beyond that, it’s just water. It's just open ocean and blue sky and white clouds.

Noel: Ooh, ohh. How tall is this cliff?

Kat: Ehh, it's like ten, fifteen feet. 

Noel: All right, I immediately start climbing down. Walkin' in style, goin' under. And I disappear! You'll never see from me again. Goodbye! 

Sophia: Laika, she’s worried for Fran. 'Cause Fran’s just like 'Peace!' but she’s scared of the ocean, from almost drowning so she's staying back, trying to play it cool but she's sweating.

Kaitlin: Corbin is extremely disappointed because he was definitely imagining soft, white, Florida beaches and that's not what he has gotten. 

[laughter]

Kaitlin: So he no longer cares about the ocean. 

Noel: What do I see under the waves? 

Kat: So under the waves, there are a lot of shipwrecks.

Noel: Mmm.

Kat: Actually, a lot of craggy rocks. You can kind of figure out; 'Oh okay. The rocks are why there are all these shipwrecks.' And lots of fish. Lots of fish. But I mean, nothing terribly interesting. I don't know what you’re [inaudible] to find down there—

Noel: [Makes a loud 'erghhhh' noise to cut Kat off] You don't think fish are terribly interesting? To Fran? 

Kat: Fish are varied.

Noel: Fran loves these fish. She’s obsessed with these fish. She is swimming around like Ariel, trying to make friends with the fish.

Kat: The fish all swim away as soon as you get close. So Fran’s gone now, what do you two want to do?

Sophia: I'm scared of the ocean, so.

Corbin: Laika, do you want to go find some smart dude?

Laika: Should we leave Fran though? 

Corbin: She's fine. 

Kat: So the Goddess doesn't have any better ideas either, but as you guys are kinda like, trying to figure out what you're gonna do, the Goddess is looking around. And there’s lots of little sea-side shops. It looks like this is a popular spot for people who maybe aren't from the city to come. And a human man, with this real thin little mustache, he beckons her over. 

He's sitting cross-legged on the corner, next to one of these trinket stalls. So she comes over and he is talking to her, and she shrugs at him. And he nods and he holds up his hands and then he holds up a pebble and he puts it on the street in front of him. And then he takes out of his sleeve, three half shells. 

[Some one says 'Uh oh'. Someone else is wheezing]

Kat: And so he holds up a coin to her, and he puts it down. He covers the coin with one of the shells, and he starts mixing them up. And let me see how she does. 

[dice roll]

Sophia: I just want to say, Laika’s immediately walks over to watch him do this cool trick.

Kaitlin: Corbin also comes and watches.

Kat: Ok so. He then finishes shuffling the shells and he splays his hands to the Goddess, and she looks at him for a minute, and points to one of the shells.

[‘third time’s the charm’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: And he lifts it up and there's the pebble!

[Noel 'Oooh's]

Kat: And he start clapping! And cheering!

[Kaitlin 'Oooh's more intensely]

Kat: And he hands her a silver piece—or he starts to hand her the silver piece. But then he takes it back and he pulls out a second one.

Kaitlin: Oh god.

Noel: It's the hustle.

Sophia: Yeas!

Kaitlin: Do it! 

[Various 'Yeah's]

Kat: Well he holds out his hand to you guys. 

Sophia: I give him a silver piece. 

Kat: Okay, so you guys play a few rounds and you do very well. Laika you put in a couple of pieces. Corbin you put in your... one silver piece. And it's the Goddess's turn again. And she turn to you guys, like:

Maeri: [unsure but like, sort of into it] Should I?

[simultaneously and very enthusiastically]

Laika: Yeah!

Corbin: Yeah!

Kat: Okay! All right! She's gonna do it! But she doesn't have any money, so Laika, you have to give her the money.

Sophia: Yeah I give her the six pieces.

Kat: So he puts in his six pieces. Twelve silver pieces total on the line here. Lets see how she does, as he shuffles his shells. 

[dice roll]

Kat: He shuffles, he shuffles, the Goddess points! And there's no pebble.

[someone sighs in disappointment]

Kat: And then he shrugs and he takes the twelve silver pieces and he puts them in his pocket and he picks up his shells and he just heads off. 

Kaitlin: I cast Pass without a Trace on myself.

Sophia: I call him back and I'm like:

Laika: Nerd. 

Sophia: And then I hold up twelve silver pieces. And I have them, like, between my fingers. Like, I'm doing a cool coin trick.

[giggling]

Noel: How many fingers do you have?

[giggling intensifies]

Sophia: [mysteriously] Enough.

[giggling graduates into laughter]

Kat: It actually takes you a minute to do that, so as he's packing up, you're hurriedly stuffing coins between your fingers. And you hold them up [Kat makes a 'herrrngughhh' noise to convey showing the fingers off]

Sophia: Does it look cool though?

Kat: Uh, it would if he—If you hadn't have had to take the time to do it. He seems impressed enough, so he sits back down and he puts out his shells. He takes twelve silver pieces out of his own and he sets them down to match. And roll to see if you can beat him.

Sophia: Oh he's gonna roll to deceive me, shit.  

[dice roll]

Sophia: Oh nice. Okay so I got thirteen.

Kat: Well, luckily, he rolled a critical failure. So, as he is shuffling the shells and you're watching, your trained eyes are on him—your trained wolf eyes. And you see him slip the pebble up his sleeve. And you give him an accusatory point and he—he acts innocent. He holds up his hand like, ‘Oh sorry, there's no pebble under the shell.’ He just holds up his hands.

Noel: Uh oh.

Kat: He starts gathering up the twenty four silver pieces. 

Sophia: Uh uh uh uh. Uh UH. Uh uh. 

Kaitlin: I’m gonna pick pocket him.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin:  Oh shit, well. That's a plus ten, because I cast pass without a trace. Which is—

Kat: Enough, that's enough. It's enough.

Kaitlin: Yeah okay.

Kat: So you are able—

Kaitlin: Like, almost twenty.

Kat: You are able to steal back your silver and actually quite a bit more. 'Cause he just put it all in his pocket.

Kaitlin: Hell yeah! Fuckin' idiot!

Kat: So you just take his whole purse. You net yourself a cool fifty silver pieces.

Kaitlin: Oh god yeah. Sweet. 

Sophia: We're turning to a life of crime. 

[‘third time’s the charm’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

[laughter]

Kat: The Goddess disapproves. Heavily. She shakes her head at you Corbin.

Corbin: Eh he—he scammed us!

Kat: She still shakes her head. 

Corbin: I don't care.

Kat: She signs to you:

Maeri: You can't just steal from people. 

Laika: There's no rules on the world below. 

Maeri: There are definitely rules. 

Kat: The Goddess signs. 

Laika: There's no law here. 

Maeri: There are guards! There is definitely a law. We just don’t know it yet!

Corbin: Karma’s fake!

Sophia: I jump high-five with Corbin. 

Kat: The Goddess shakes her head. She looks out towards the water and signs to you guys:

Maeri: Fran has been in there a while. Should someone check on her? 

Corbin: [dispassionately] Hm.

Noel: Meanwhile I am inside of one of the ships. I am like, reclining on a bed. That's in there.

[various giggles]

Noel: And I've found my new home and this is where I'm gonna live forever. 

Kaitlin: An old bed covered in barnacles?

Noel: I love it! And I swim around and I try to play tricks on the fish. 

Kat: The fish are pretty dumb but they're also very perceptive and you cannot sneak up on them enough to play tricks.

Noel: I'm still having a great time. Can I investigate for anything of interest in these sunken ships?

Kat: Sure! 

Noel: So that’s a twelve. 

Kat: Okay. You find some barrels. You find some weapons that are crusted over and salty. You do notice on a lot of these barrels and things, there is a symbol that—it looks a little bit different that you're used to. But you do recognise it. And it is the symbol of a broken tower.

Sophia: Torva!  

Noel: Uh oh!

Sophia: So I want to roll a perception check, 'cause Corbin and I want to throw rocks at Fran to get her out of the water. 

Kat: So you want to—you want to try and figure out where she is in the water? 

Sophia: Yeah.

Kat: Okay.

[dice roll]

Sophia: I can't.

Kaitlin: Uh yeah, that was a seven.

Kat: Okay so you guys just start chucking rocks into the water and screaming 

Corbin: Fran!

[laughter]

Corbin: [with vibrato] Fraaaaan!

Kat: And people are stopping to stare at you guys. Like, 'What is with these people?'.

Noel: I, at the same time they're throwing these rocks—I don't notice that 'cause they're not anywhere near me. So I swim to the surface and pop my head up and I'm like:

Fran: These guys are Torva worshippers!

Kat: The Goddess comes to the edge of the wall and says,

Maeri: What?

Noel: And I reluctantly come out of the water. I guess I climb up the cliff? Do I need to roll a—

Kat: It’s—no, it's—it's a sea wall. You know, there are places where it’s very clear, you can see they've cut, sort of, a ladder into the wall. 

Noel: Okay. So I climb up the ladder and I'm like:

Fran: Hi guys. I'm on vacation from my new life in the ocean. Because I need to tell you guys something. I was down there and there's a bunch of shipwrecks. And on a lot of the barrels there's the symbol of Torva.

Laika: That sounds bad, but Corbin and I are now criminals and-

Fran: Wha—

Laika: I guess we can take a vacation-

Fran: I was in there for like ten minutes.

Corbin: We're not technically criminals. We just—

Fran: What did you do?!

Corbin: We just stole money back that somebody else stole from us. Plus like, a little, like, interest. Plus interest.

Fran: [whispering, exasperated] I was in there for ten minutes. 

Kat: The Goddess signs to you:

Maeri They're criminals now.

[laughter]

Laika: So we can take a vacation from our life of crime, I guess. To go—

Corbin: Yeah.

Laika: To somehow check out these barrels? I'm also afraid of the ocean.

Fran: Well I can just go down and bring one up. That's no problem. 

Noel: So I do that, and I say hello to all my fish friends.

Kat: They don't say hi back. They ignore you as usual. 

Noel: They love it! They love it. 

Kat: So as you bring up one of these barrels to the surface, as soon as it hits the open air, you can feel the wood is starting to weaken. Very rapidly. Even as you put it down on the ground, it breaks apart. The contents are unrecognisable and smell horrible. 

Kaitlin: Corbin takes one finger and puts it in the contents, like they do on crime shows. And he touches that to his tongue. What does he taste?

Kat: Um. Salt, primarily. Rot. 

Kaitlin: Good. 

Kat: Tastes like rotten food that’s been sitting in the salt water for a long time. 

Corbin: Mmmm. Still warm.

Noel: [laughs, both pained and delighted] That's horrible.

Kat: Do you want to go find the smart boys now?

Kaitlin: Yeah. 

Noel: Yeah. 

Fran: Let's—let's go. I guess.

Noel: And I am looking at the ocean very meaningfully. 

Sophia: Laika looks back, in the direction of the guy that they stole from very meaningfully. Because she misses her life of crime.

Kaitlin: Does she look back with dreamy eyes? 

Sophia: Yeah!

Noel: Oh my god. 

Sophia: Like, stealing. 

Kat: I'm gonna have you guys roll Intelligence checks. Because now you are off the main path of this city and you gotta try and read this map, figure out where you are. 

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: I got eighteen. 

Sophia: I also got eighteen. 

Noel: I got twelve. 

Kat: Okay that's enough, you guys are—

Kaitlin: Smart boys...

Kat: So the map isn't very detailed. It’s really just a few lines drawn that's meant to signify, ‘these are the streets you take.’ And you're walking along and you're not quite sure, but then Corbin charges ahead. He takes the lead and takes a running jump, turns into a crow!

[‘this is A Lot’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kaitlin: There you go.

Kat: Flies up to get a birds eye view. 

Kaitlin: There you go y'all. You're welcome. 

Kat: So you get back out to that main thoroughfare and head down it. There is a bit of bottle neck, at the bridge, that you need to cross, that goes over the canyon. So you have a little time to look around and look down over the edge of the canyon. Where you can see, mighty rivers run under the city through these canyons and out into the ocean.

Fran: I love this place, you guys. 

Kat: You head across the bridge and this area of town is probably a hundred times nicer than the area you just came from. All of the buildings have beautiful ornate carvings on them. And you can see, to your left, there's the palace. There's a huge, white stone archway with a wrought iron gate that's been gilded. So it's beautiful, shining gold in the light.

To your right there's another white stone archway and that leads to beautiful buildings with really intricate carvings and reliefs and statues. There are fountains, with depictions of people with like, water pouring from their hands. Like, their hands are cupped and water is pouring from their hands.

Noel: Oh I stand next to one and I do that. 

Kat: And if there were cameras you'd be like 'Take my picture, take my picture.'.

Noel: Yeah. But I just do it and I'm like:

Fran: Do you like it? 

Sophia: I take Fran's picture by drawing it on my armour.

Kat: Nice. 

Noel: Nice. I'm very touched by that.

Kat: And so you follow your map and eventually come to... Like, next to the other buildings in this area, it doesn't look that impressive, but it is much more intricate than a lot of the buildings on Estra. And you're looking at all these little carvings on the columns outside these big wooden doors. 

The first two floors have no windows, and then there's a third floor above that with a row of round—windows that are plated with horned up at the top. So what do you guys want to do? Do you want to go in? 

Noel: I mean this is—is this where the 'X' was on our map?

Kat: Yeah. This is—this is where the ‘X’ led you to. 

Sophia: Mmmm, then yeah. 

Kat: Okay. So you walk in and what you find in the first room is—it's an entryway. With a reception desk and a bored looking man sitting at it. 

[‘this is A Lot’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Kat: He’s wearing something very similar to what Sha wore, but his sash is blue and it has a different insignia on it. And he looks up at you and he says something. You don't know what it is, but he does not sound terribly enthused about it. And he looks back down at whatever he's doing.

Laika, because you're the tallest one, you can kinda peer over the top of the desk. You see that he's making a very unflattering caricature of somebody. So not one of you four, but some old fart bag, he’s making a very unflattering caricature of.

Noel: I run to the desk and I say:

Fran: [presumably in inaccurate New Common] I'm looking for the dresses for Meh-dia.

[wheezes and gasps of laughter]

Kat: He stares blankly at you and his hand is inching towards a bell on his desk.

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kaitlin: Oh god.

Sophia: Could the Goddess try and sign to him?

Kat: Okay, so you guys suggest to her that she try and sign, and so she does. And he looks at her for a second, sort of squints his eyes and then—and then he nods, like, 'O-oh, oh. Oh!' And he looks a little confused but he stands up and makes a motion at you guys to wait where you are. And he leaves.

Sophia: I sit down at the chair at his desk. 

Kaitlin: I sit on the desk. 

Kat: There are some chairs, like waiting chairs—

Noel: No...

[chuckles]

Kat: Waiting chairs. But no you guys—okay.

Noel: I just stand there with Maeri. 

Kat: Yeah.

Noel: We're hanging out. 

Kat: The receptionist comes back in. And he is leading a small delegation of people. There is one female high-elf, two humans; a man and a woman, and a female gnome, who follow after him.  As they're coming into the room, these four are chatting amongst themselves and they seem a little bit curious and worried. But as they hear you talking, the high-elf woman, she stops dead in her tracks. And she looks at you all and goes:

Unnamed High-elf Woman: Did Sha send you?

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ swells, continues and then concludes playing]

Sophia: —cast that again?

Kat: Also I want you guys to know—

Kaitlin: I can, yeah, I might. 

Kat: —that I have severely nerfed this thing. Originally it was twelve d10 lighting damage.

Kaitlin: And what did you do? Six?

Kat: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Jesus Christ. Well I guess that me—half it's body’s gone. 

Kat: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Jesus.

Sophia: That makes sense. 

Kat: I just want you to know how mean I could have been. 

Sophia: Well we would be dead.

Kaitlin: Yeah we literally just would—

Sophia: If you did that. 

Kaitlin: —have to start the podcast over.

Sophia: Yeah. 

Kat: Or it would be Corbin's cousin, Lorbin.

[laughter]

Sophia: How would the Goddess survive though?

Kat: The Goddess' cousin, Loddess. 

[laughter]

[outro music]

[ad for Have Spell, Will Travel plays]

[end]