Dames & Dragons 11. Into Avelis (Part 2)

Fran and Corbin astral project out of the afterlife and into some interesting new friendships. Laika makes a difficult choice, a difficult meal, and a difficult journey. Survivors of Estra seem to be unlucky as a rule.

✂️ Ep. 11 Outtakes & Extras ✂️ 

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Transcript

Dames and Dragons

DUNGEON MASTER/NPCs: Kat

FRAN THE WATER GENASI WIZARD is played by Noel

LAIKA THE TIEFLING PALADIN is played by Sophia

CORBIN THE HUMAN DRUID is played by Kaitlin

Dames and Dragons Transcript Episode 11: Into Avelis (Part 2)

Noel: [in a bad Transatlantic accent] Wow welcome to the podcast!

Kat: [in a bad Transatlantic accent] Hello! Welcome! We’re doing an old timey podcast!

Sophia: That’s right! It’s 1920.

Kaitlin: Ohh.

[laughter]

Noel: Times were sure good back then! Women could barely vote, the economy was about to crash. Feels kinda familiar!

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing] 

Sophia: Oh no!

[Kaitlin laughs weirdly]

Sophia: Luckily the GOP wasn’t out of office for a long time. It took them fifty years.

Kat: What?

Sophia: [drops the bad Transatlantic accent] That’s what I’ve read? 

Nevermind.

[laughter]

Kaitlin: No, I read that too Sophie.

Sophia: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Yeah.

Noel: Our next president is going to be the ghost of Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Kat: Aye. He’ll protect our national parks at least. Good… good work kids! Well done.

Sophia: You solved the mystery, kids!

Kat: [while laughing] You solved the mystery of the ghost of FDR.

Sophia: Send them back to the grave!

Kat: We’re tired

Sophia: [nasally] Banish him! Anarchy!

Kat: Podcast listeners, we’re tired, we’re so tired. Let’s play some DnD.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ plays and then fades out] 

Kat: Hi, I’m Kat and I’m your DM.

Sophia: Hi! I’m Sophia, and I play Laika; a tiefling paladin.

[laughter]

Noel: [ in a bad Transatlantic accent] It's me Noel, and I play Fraaan. But that’s only when I’m not at the speakeasy. 

[giggles]

Noel: And who's that Strapping young boy over there?

Kaitlin: [with a very weird cadence] Hello! It’s Kaitlin! I’m sorry, I’m so loud, I can’t control my volume of my voice.

[giggles]

Kaitlin: I’m weeping constantly from my eyes! I can’t see very well.

Kat: [while laughing] Where else would you be weeping from?

Kaitlin: Many other orifices.

Kat: [laughing and crying at the same time] Whyyy?

Kaitlin: [in Corbin’s voice] I play Corbin, he is a druid, he is a human. He’s beautiful.

Kat: Oh my God.

Kaitlin: I really do have to wipe the tears from my face.

Noel: Oh my god.

Kat: So, last time. You all fell out of the sky and after being separated from Fran and Corbin, Laika ended up in the ocean with the Goddess, made her way back to shore, summoned Gingie as her soul-bound steed, spotted some survivors out at sea and then came across the greater wolf Zarun when she went to go rescue them. 

Corbin and Fran, you two fell into a sand storm, survived the night fairly well and then survived an encounter with a bulette... less well. You both got knocked unconscious and were surrounded by a group of sand-sled riding orcs. And that is where you guys are starting today! So, are you guys ready? Fran? Corbin?

Noel: Well, yeah I’m in heaven and I’m looking down.

Kaitlin: We’re both astral projecting

[Noel giggles]

Kat: Not quite actually, you’re just passed out. But when you wake up, and you do wake up, you find yourselves buried up to your chin in warm, damp sand. And it smells horrible, but with these kinda floral notes? Quick assessment, how are you feeling? It's not great.

Kaitlin: Did you say we’re up to our necks?

Kat: Yes. And I feel like I should—you’re laying down and then you’re covered in sand.

[‘Ooh’s of relief and realisation]

Kaitlin: I was not imagining it that way.

Noel: No no no, me neither.

Kat: I had a feeling you weren’t, no. When you open your eyes, above you, you’re in a domed tent. And, Fran you look over and see there is an incredibly ancient old orc woman who is pouring a greenish liquid over the sand that Corbin is buried in. And she’s humming to herself.

Noel: Are we in a Bacta tank?

[laughter]

Kaitlin: Is this a spa?

[giggles]

Kat: Is it?

Kaitlin: Can I do a history check to see if I know anything about orc culture?

Kat: Sure. Your history is pretty outdated, but let’s see what you know.

Kaitlin: Uh, eighteen. 

Kat: What little you know about orc culture, which, you know some of the other attendants in the Crow clan told you once in ancient times, orcs were raiders and that they preyed on villages and you know, they didn't make much of their own. They just sorta just stole from other people. But that's what you know orcs were like several thousand years ago.

Kaitlin: Right. I don’t know any about orcs in Estra or anything?

Kat: Yeah you do, but they are nothing like the orcs that—I mean, you’ve only seen the one orc, they don’t look the same. These orcs by comparison, they are huge. You’ve only seen the one. You can tell. She’s big, she’s strong. Her facial features are much, I guess, shorter than the orcs you know. These orcs do not look like you know orcs to look.

Kaitlin: Cool, cool cool. I say:

Corbin: Good morning

Noel: Oh my God

[‘Cheery Harumph’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: The woman, she looks down at you, she looks quite surprised. And she says something to you. And it takes you a minute because it sounds like words and it sounds kind of like words that you know. But you cannot make sense of it, it does not make any sense to you. When she sees the look of confusion on your face, she tries another language, and this one is much more guttural, and it's very low and you have no idea, this one you’re even more lost on.

Fran: Corbin, don't talk to it! 

Corbin: I just said good morning. Trying to be polite, I’ve just woken up.

Kat: The woman gets up and she leaves. You are not feeling great, but you can definitely move. Functionally, you each have about four hit points.

Noel: I say to Corbin:

Fran: Corbin I think I’m hallucinating. I’m looking around the world below and I’m seeing a building, I’m seeing an old woman. And I’m seeing you! Great!

Corbin: Methinks we were lied to... our whole lives.

Fran: You just believe that… and accept it?

[‘Cheery Harumph’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Corbin: Yeah!

[Noel and Kaitlin laugh]

Noel: Alright, well I drag myself out of the muck and—

Kat: You smell super gross.

Noel: I cast Create or Destroy Water and I create a whole bunch of water to pour down myself and give myself a new hairstyle.

[Kaitlin laughs]

Kat: What’s your hairstyle?

Noel: It’s a pixie cut

Kaitlin: Nice.

Kat: As you are doing this, as you are shaping your water hair, the old woman, she comes back in and this time she’s accompanied by a huge male orc. He’s probably like seven and a half feet tall. As soon as they see you—and it takes them a second to comprehend what you are doing—they drop down on their knees. Like, put their heads to the sand, they are bowing to you. And they are whispering to each other, they are muttering. They look terrified all the sudden.

Kaitlin: I sit up and I start to laugh.

[laughter]

Noel: I do some karate poses and I’m going to roll an intimidation check because Fran is feeling cornered. 

[dice roll] 

Noel: Yeah, that's a two.

[laughter]

Kat: They slowly get up and they sorta look at each other. The male orc he says something but again you don't understand him s—

Noel: I say:

Fran: We do not come in peace!

[laughter]

Kat: He does not look threatened by you at all. He has clearly decided you are not a threat.

Noel: I point to my eyes and I point to him.

Kat: He points back at you.

[Noel gasps]

Kat: And then up. He has a questioning look on his face.

Kaitlin: I nod, and I give him a big thumbs up.

Noel: I’m scared cause he pointed at me. I’m looking around for an escape route.

Kaitlin: Also, I’m getting out of the sand. I’m not— I’m out.

Noel: Are we naked?

Kat: Yeah actually you are!

Kaitlin: Sweet! I bare myself!

Noel: Fran is going to roll not to throw up, hold on.

[Sophia laughs]

[dice roll] 

Fran: That’s a nine.

Kat: You tell me, do you throw up?

Noel: I gag.

Kat: Fran gags as Corbin bares himself. The old woman, she sort of giggles—

[giggles]

Kat: She bustles over to another part of the tent and she pulls out some chests, these big loose tunics which she hands to each of you. And she is trying to sorta help you into this tunic, Corbin. She’s like holding it out so you can put your hands through the sleeves.

Kaitlin: Cool. I push it away.

[Noel laughs]

Kat: And she just pushes it towards you again.

Kaitlin: Ugh, I take it.

Fran: Please Corbin, put it on!

Corbin: You’re naked too!

Kat: She handed Fran one too.

Noel: Yeah! I put it on right away.

Kat: It seems that she assumes that you don’t know how to put on clothes so she is trying to put it on for you.

Noel: That’s accurate from the clothes I’ve seen Corbin wear.

Kaitlin: I don’t know how to put on clothes, so.

Kat: So you let this old woman tunic on you?

Kaitlin: Yeah.

Kat: And then the male orc, he gestures for you guys to follow him.

Noel: Is there only one exit?

Kat: Yes.

Noel: I can’t crawl out from under the flap?

Kat: I guess you could you could crawl out underneath the—

Noel: Yeah. I immediately, as soon as he gestures to me to follow him, just book it the other direction.

Kaitlin: I grab Fran by her ankle—

Noel: No, no, no.

Kaitlin: —and drag her back.

Kat: Alright you two are just gonna—I’ll do—Dexterity saves for both of you.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: I got twelve.

Noel: [smugly] Oh, seventeen.

Kaitlin: God dammit.

Kat: Alright, Fran. You see one spot in the tent where there’s a little bit of give 

and you just dive for it. You go through it like a rabbit through a gate. And Corbin you try to grab her as she goes past, but she's like water through your fingers.

[Kaitlin laughs]

Kat: Fran, as soon as you get outside. One: you are barefoot. Two: The sand is very hot.

Noel: Oh god.

Kat: But there’s nowhere to go. It's all sand. It’s all sand as far as you can see. Until you turn around and you look at the rest of the camp. And here is what you see: in the center of the camp is the body of the bulette.

[‘don’t know don’t know don’t know’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: And there are dozens of orcs milling around and they are harvesting it. They are cutting off chunks of meat, they are tanning hides, they are cleaning and bleaching the bones. It seems that they are just dismantling this beast piece by piece and then they are loading it onto their sleds. And in the time it takes you to process this, the big male orc has come around and he is holding up his hands in a surrendering gesture. 

Noel: Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Kat: And he sort of—

Noel: As he should, as he should.

Kat: He’s approaching you very slowly, speaking to you in a low, soothing tone.

Noel: Like a skittish horse, I snort and I show the whites of eyes—

[giggles]

Noel: But I do calm down

Kat: Once he sees that you’re not about to run away, he doesn’t break his eye contact with you, but he calls for someone and they come over and they have a pair of sandals. 

Noel: Oh thank god.

Kat: Which he hands to you. He gives you a lot of room, he holds these out very far for you.

Noel: [through giggles] Okay I put them on. I’m gonna put those on. And I give him a very small smile.

Kat: Cool. Corbin, what do you do?

Kaitlin: I’m just watching and laughing.

Kat: Oh, so you went out the tent the front way and watched—

Kaitlin: Like a normal crow.

Kat: And they gave you shoes at the entrance of the tent. You look around at the activity of these orcs and they all seem really happy, very peaceful. You can see they are not outfitted for battle. The ones of them that are wearing any kind of armor, it’s leather, it’s hardened hide. Which is not very effective at stopping swords but it is pretty good at stopping animal attacks and monster attacks. And as you are looking at their supplies and their weapons; this is not a raiding party. In fact it looks more like they’re a trading caravan. The other thing you notice is the animals that are pulling their sleds. They have the body shape of a lizard—

[Kaitlin gasps]

Kat: —but sort of the general facial features and furryness of a borzoi.

[Kaitlin gasps even louder]

Kat: So they are these very long, slim, low dog-lizards that pull their sleds. And there are several of these curled up around and they raise their heads to look at you and then look away and they don’t seem very interested in you.

Kaitlin: I wanna go pet one.

Kat: As you approach one and stick out your hand to pet it, it snaps at you.

[‘don’t know don’t know don’t know’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Kaitlin: Awww… I sit down and I give it room. And I wait for it to come to me.

Noel: Fran has a moment of deja vu.

[giggles]

Kat: As you guys are out of the tent now, you see that people are stopping what they are doing to look at you. And they are whispering to each other and sort of bumping each other with their elbows and they wanna know what's up with these strangers. People are pointing at your hair, Fran. ‘What is going on with this?’.

Noel: It is pretty beautiful so I understand that.

Kat: And the big male orc, he walks away from you and he goes over to one of the sleds where they are piling the bleached bones. And he picks up this huge jaw bone, the lower jawbone of the bulette, which you guys both are intimately familiar with because it did bite you quite hard. And he brings it over to you and he holds it out to you and he reaches into a pouch on his belt and pulls out two coins and points to coins and then he points to bone.

Noel: Ohhh, we can get money for that bone!

Kaitlin: Alright. What do the coins look like? Do they look like anything that we know?

Kat: You’re not close enough to examine them. But from what you can see, they are silver.

Kaitlin: I move towards them and I ask for one.

Kat: You hold out a hand? He gives you one.

Kaitlin: Cool.

Kat: I’m actually going to have you make a religion check

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: Twelve.

Kat: Okay. You’re not sure which god it belongs to, but there is a symbol of one of the old gods on these coins.

Kaitlin: Cool.

Kat: The orc, he just lets you keep that coin.

Kaitlin: Sweet.

Noel: You don’t offer it back?

Kaitlin: No. I offer it to you though.

Noel: Oh I take it, I take it. I look at it and then I put it in my pocket.

Kaitlin: Alright, well.

Noel: I give a thumbs up to that orc.

Kat: He gives you a thumbs up back.

Noel: For the rest of—everywhere he moves, I follow him, very close.

Kat: You have decided that he is your orc.

Noel: Mm-hm. He is the one. I’m gonna drag Corbin to also follow me and follow this guy. 

Kaitlin: I was going willingingly.

Noel: I’m still dragging Corbin.

Kat: You are dragging him whether he likes it or not.

Noel: And he does like it.

Kaitlin: I do like it.

Kat: You guys stick with him. As you kind of watch his movements throughout the day, you get the sense that this is their leader, he is the chief orc. He seems to think it’s kinda funny, that you guys are following him around. He’s going around and he’s checking in on the various tasks going on throughout the camp.

Probably about thirty, forty minutes into this, the old orc woman comes back and she just starts gently hitting him on the arm and sort of shooing him away. It's pretty funny because she’s just weakly patting at him until walks away from you guys. And then she starts doing the same thing to you guys, weakly patting at you and herding you back to the tent.

[giggles]

Kat: And all this time she’s speaking in that guttural language. It seems she has given up on whatever the other language she was trying to speak was.

Noel: I reach out my hand towards my favorite orc as I am led away.

Kat: He waves to you.

Noel: I am very scared.

[giggles]

Kat: But you’re led back to your tent and the orc woman, she sits you down and she begins—she has different salves and different potions and poultices. She begins applying them to you guys, each in turn. And—

[dice roll]

Kat: —after all of this is done you have regained three hit points.

Noel: [through laughter] God.

Kat: But she seems very proud of that.

Kaitlin: I wanna try to communicate with her. I point at myself and say:

Corbin: Corbin.

Kaitlin: And then I point at her and look confused.

Kat: She points at herself and says.

Unnamed Orc Woman: Dokella

Corbin: Do-kell-a

Kat: And she points to herself and says,

Dokella: Dokella. [pronouncing the ‘i’ in ‘Corbin’ like ‘ah’] Corbin.

Kat: She points at Fran and she goes:

Dokella: Corbin?

[laughter]

Noel: I point to myself and I say:

Fran: [very intensly] Destroyer of Worlds, so don’t fuck with me!

Kaitlin: I make a huge gesture and point cruelly, with a mean face at Fran and I say:

Corbin: Fran. Just Fran.

Kat: Okay, she seems—

Dokella: Fran? Fran?

Kaitlin: I nod.

Kat: And she points upwards again and once again says a word that you don’t understand.

Kaitlin: I point upwards and I say,

Corbin: Estra.

Noel: I point upwards and say:

Fran: Tent.

Corbin: Fran, you are not helping!

Noel: Fran laughs a little bit.

Kat: She points at you and says

Dokella: Corban, Estra?

Corbin: Yeah!

Kat: She points then at Fran.

Dokella: Fran, Estra?

Corbin: Yeah.

Noel: I point to her and say:

Fran: Dokella, tent.

Corbin: Fran!

Kaitlin: I point at myself and I say:

Corbin: Druid!

Kaitlin: Does she recognise that word?

Kat: She doesn’t quite understand what you are trying to say.

Kaitlin: I turn into a crow.

Kat: She again, down on her knees, head to the floor, she’s bowing to you.

[laughter]

Kaitlin: Cool!

Noel: Oh my god.

Kat: She says something and she uses the word ‘Estra’ again.

Kaitlin: Do they not have magic?

Noel: It kinda seems like that. They might not have any magic.

Kaitlin: Seems weird.

Noel: I… using minor illusion I make a small representation of Estra and I point to it and say:

Fran: Estra.

Kat: She looks up and she looks at the island and her eyes are wide. She gets up a little bit and she sort of waits to see what you guys are gonna do as she gets up from kneeling. And she moves over to your illusion and tries to touch it and her hands goes right through. Very slowly she points—

Dokella: Estra.

Kat: She points at you

Dokella: Estra.

Noel: I nod and then I change that into a picture of Laika and I say:

Fran: Laika.

Kat: She frowns and she doesn’t seem to understand.

Fran: Well...

Corbin: Good try.

Kat: She looks at you for a second and then goes over to one of the—there's some chests in here. She opens one and pulls out a very tattered and dusty leather bound book, it’s very roughly bound, but she takes it out and pages through it and she opens up to a page of symbols, and you recognise some of these. These are the symbols of the old gods and she runs her finger down the page of symbols says:

Dokella: Estra?

Kaitlin: Is there one for the Goddess?

Kat: Not that you know of, no. There wasn't one that you saw in Estra.

Noel: And as far as we know, there wasn't a Goddess until there was Estra.

Kaitlin: That’s fair.

Sophia: [away from mic] What about the greater beast gods?

Kaitlin: Yeah, do I see the Crow god?

Kat: You see something that looks like the crow gods symbol, but it is not. It is distinctly different. However, you do see symbols for the wolf god, Fenrir, and for Cernunnos, the deer god.

Kaitlin: And they look the same?

Kat: Yeah they look the same.

Kaitlin: Alright well, I’m not going to point at that weird ass not-the-right-crow symbol!

[Giggles]

Fran: I think she may be asking us if we’re gods.

Corbin: Should we say yes? 

Fran: That’s a great question, Corbin.

Noel: Yeah, we nod.

[Kaitlin laughs]

Kaitlin: Yeah, okay! We nod!

Kat: It’s like I just separated the moral compass from this group.

[laughter]

Noel: It’s exactly like that.

Kaitlin: Yes.

Kat: Okay, so you guys are going to nod? You’re gonna—

Noel: Oh yeah. 

Sophia: [away from mic] Good god.

Kaitlin: As soon Fran starts to nod I also start nodding.

Noel: But I make an image of Estra again, and then I make an image of Estra half exploded.

Kat: She nods and she takes a handful of sand and she blows it into your illusion. It seems like she’s seen the carnage, everybody on the ground saw this island fall from the sky.

Noel: Okay.

Kaitlin: You want me to heal us?

Noel: Yeah? I mean, can we take a rest and...

Kat: If you guys took a long rest now, you will be healed. You were just in such rough shape and she was bringing you back from the brink of death.

Kaitlin: Let’s have a feast! I point to my stomach and I go—

Corbin: Hungry!

Kat: Dokella, she laughs and she then leaves the tent and she pops her head back in and motions you guys to follow her.

Kaitlin: Oh, okay.

Kat: It’s been a few hours now, and the sun is actually already going down. It looks like you guys were asleep well into the day. And they’ve started a large fire around what’s left of the bulette, and there is not much. It seems like they’re leaving nothing behind. The few pieces that are left are—you get the impression that the works not done, they’re just taking a meal break. And they’re roasting big chunks of it over this fire. Dokella sits you in this ring of orcs around this fire and she sits you next to big male orc that you—

Noel: Yesss.

Kat: Yes. They’re passing around this big hunk of meat and people are just ripping chunks off of it as they pass it around. And Dokella points to each of you in turn and she says:

Dokella: Corban. Fran. 

Kat: And then she points to the male orc and she says:

Dokella: Nodrig.

Noel: Nod… Not Rick. So his name is Not-Rick.

Kaitlin: Not-Rick.

Kat: Not-Rick.

Corbin: Not-Rick

Kat: She shakes her head.

Corbin: If he’s not Rick, who is he?

[laughter]

[Kat takes a deep breath]

Kat: [very quietly] I fucking hate you guys.

Noel: I say:

Fran: [cheerily] Hi Not-Rick!

Noel: And I create a harmless shower of sparks.

Kat: Everyone freaks out. 

[Kaitlin laughs]

Kat: Everybody in this camp. Just—there is just screaming, people gasp. And then everybody is bowing to you. Except for Nodrig who seems kinda unamused. 

Kaitlin: Oh.

Noel: Well...

Kat: He speaks out before you can say anything else, calms people down. But now everyone is looking at you. Even if they are not looking at you, they’re looking at you out the corner of their eye.

Corbin: Way to go.

Fran: Now they know who they’re messing with.

Kat: You have a great dinner. The bulette tastes surprisingly good for being a horrible monster that tried to kill you instead.

Noel: Oh, I relish every bite.

[giggles]

Kat: After you’ve eaten, you see some of the orcs going back to finishing up with the carcass. But Dokella, she begins doing the thing to you, where she’s just patting you. Harmlessly hitting you and herding you back to the tent. And when you get back there, a couple orcs have laid out some bedrolls for you. 

Noel: Before we go in, I say:

Fran: Good bye everyone!

Noel: And I wave my arms and create the harmless shower of sparks. 

[Kaitlin laughs very loudly]

Kat: There is not quite the same reaction this time but people still—it’s very attention drawing.

Noel: I wave like a queen as I back into the tent and disappear behind the flaps.

Kat: Alright, well you guys get a good night's sleep inside this tent.

Noel: As we’re falling asleep I say:

Fran: Hey Corbin, do you think Laika is doing as good as we are?

[‘Sad little ditty that was supposed to be a transition’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Corbin: You know... I bet she’s doing great.

Noel: I give Corbin a thumbs up and I fall asleep into a beautiful dream.

[‘Sad little ditty that was supposed to be a transition’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ continues playing, fades into next scene]

Kat: Alright, Laika. Hearing the screams of people stranded out at sea you swam out with Gingie. But on your way out there, Gingie spotted Zarun, the great elder wolf of your clan. And he’s struggling in the ocean waves, he’s barely able to keep his head above water. I mean, he was an old wolf before all this and he’s never had to swim like this. 

And as you look at him he seems incredibly disoriented, he’s just thrashing in the water. You can swim to him and you can save him but if you do this, he is not going to be able to make it to the survivors and if you swim back to shore now, you will not have energy to swim back out to the survivors.

Sophia: Is the island sinking? Or is it—

Kat: No.

Sophia: Then I’m gonna save him.

Kat: Alright. You swim over to Zarun and you are able to—you and Gingie, it takes you a minute, because his is thrashing around wildly and his mouth is foaming a little bit with spit and the stress of it, his eyes are wide. But you’re able to wrap arms around him and get him to calm down even in these waves.

Laika: Zarun, it’s okay, it’s okay.

Zarun: [out of breath] I was in the deep and the black. I heard your call. I was gone but I heard your call.

Laika: What do you mean you were gone?

Kat: He can’t speak anymore, he’s struggling to breathe. But you are able to get him back to shore. It takes all of your strength and effort, with you and Gingie to support him.

[‘Sad little ditty that was supposed to be a transition’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Kat: But he makes it to the beach and crawls up onto the sand, panting. And it’s getting dark now.

Sophia: I’m going to make us a shelter so at least we’re warm and out of the wind.

Kat: Make another survival check for that.

[dice roll]

Sophia: Nice, that’s an eighteen.

Kat: Okay, yeah. You are able to use your sword to hack down some smaller branches and make a little lean-to structure against the outcropping of rock and then cover that with some palm leaves.

Sophia: I’m obviously gonna, obviously, bring the Goddess over there too and check on both the goddess and Zarun.

Kat: Zarun’s looking a little bit better. He’s conscious, he’s breathing, he’s calmed down a lot. And he limps into the shelter and curls up next to Gingie and Gingie licks his face a little bit and tucks in next to him. It’s getting quite cold now as the sun has gone down and there is nothing to hold heat on this beach. It is getting very chilly.

Sophia: I check in with Gingie and say,

Laika: So here’s what’s gonna happen: Since these two boners are passed 

out, you and I are going to have to stay awake in shifts. We both need to take rests and… I dunno. Do you wanna go first?

Gingie: Yeah, you get some sleep Laika. I’ll take the first watch.

Laika: [whispering] Thanks bud.

Kat: Alright. You go to sleep and Gingie curls up between you and Zarun and you are able to put the Goddess between all three of you. So all four of you are able to stay warm with each other’s body heat. You get a little bit of sleep. You are lulled to sleep by the sounds of the ocean. About half way through the night, just about when Gingie was about to get you up, you hear this enormous deep roar and this huge splash and then distant shrieks and screams. And then it’s silent.

Laika: Well, there goes those survivors.

[chuckles]

Kat: Yep. On the next morning when—just as the sun is coming up, their bodies begin to wash to shore.

Sophia: Do I recognize any of them?

Kat: No, it looks like a family, from what you can tell.

Sophia: Oh my god. Fuckin’ dammit, Kat.

Kat: There’s a teenage girl—

Sophia: You do me like this?

Kat: I do. I do you like this. There is a teenage girl and teenage boy and what looks like their mother, from what you can tell.

Sophia: Can I tell what happened?

Kat: You can’t tell a huge amount but some of them are missing limbs or pieces of them. It looks like whatever attacked them just took a couple bites and then left.

Sophia: Well I feel shitty, and I bury their bodies.

Kat: Alright. You take time to bury their bodies on the beach?

Sophia: Yeah I do. Maybe one thing I would do is as I am burying them, check to see if they have anything I can repurpose.

Kat: They don’t have much on them. Actually, as much it feels a little weird to you, you can take their clothes because having that extra cloth might be useful. Especially in a dessert situation.

Sophia: Yeah, I think I will do that. Also to protect the Goddess too.

Kat: By the time you’re done with that, it is getting to about mid-morning and you do not have any rations. The Goddess is not awake, still. She is breathing a little bit more strongly, though, so she’s definitely making improvements. Zarun, he’s able to get up and about. What do you wanna do? 

Sophia: Well, I say a prayer to Fenrir and I make markers on the graves.

Kat: Nice

Sophia: I’m going to check on Zarun and say:

Laika: What do you mean you came back from the deep, from the dark?

Zarun: When Estra fell and I fell with it, I was plunged into the dark. And I thought that I would sleep there forever. But I heard the call from the amulet I gave you and knew I could not stay. And so I came back, only to find myself in that deep water. I found my way to the top and then you found me.

Laika: So you were dead? 

Zarun: I believe so.

Laika: What the fuuuck. Okay, I’m sorry. Hmm. M’kay.

Zarun: I do not know what has happened to the others.

Laika: Why wouldn’t they have also been summoned?

Zarun: I do not know. Perhaps they were too far out to come back.

Laika: I guess I don’t fully understand what happened? I have an idea, 

but do you know?

Zarun: I only know what I saw from the forest. That the barrier that the Goddess erected all those thousands of years ago was destroyed by some evil magic. And then the forest broke apart.

Laika: What do we do now with the Goddess?

Zarun: We must keep her safe. There is always an Estra as long as the Goddess lives.

Laika: Do you know if there is anywhere in the world below?

Zarun: No. I don't know. We have not seen this world in many years. And I was not alive when the island was raised.

Laika: Cool

Sophia: Well I think I am going to tie the Goddess to Zarun’s back and as long as they are good to go, we are going to head in a direction. 

Kat: Just pick a direction and go?

Sophia: I’m going to do a perception check and see if I see anything on the 

horizon, if I see any smoke, anything.

Kat: Anything. Just any sign of life?

Sophia: Just anything, or anything else I can bring with us to eat.

Kat: Okay.

[dice roll]

Sophia: That is a twenty.

Kat: Yeah, with that, you are able to spot and kill a few small lizards, that’s enough for you—I mean, it’s not enough but you are able to eat it. Zarun, he actually lets you have all of it and then Gingie has a couple of bites as well. But they are big magical wolves, they’ll be fine for now anyway.

Kaitlin: Are you eating that raw since you can’t make a fire?

Sophia: Yeah.

Kaitlin: Ugh, god.

Kat: Okay—

Sophia: That’s what we do.

Kaitlin: That’s sick

Kat: Laika ate a lemure, a rotting, horrible, shambling mound of flesh and it’s the lizards?

Kaitlin: Yeah okay, but that was for like, the vine.

Noel: You ate a centipede.

Kaitlin: Yeah, but that was for the vine!

Noel: [quietly] Oh god. 

Sophia: Do it for the vine.

Kaitlin: I did!

Noel: Vine is dead, it died with Estra.

Sophia: Woah, Kaitlin just did a backflip. She did it for the Vine! Sponsor.

Kaitlin: I did it for the vine!

Kat: How can it sponsor, it’s d—oh whatever, okay. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) begins playing]

Kat: So, you finish up your meal of lizard, you get dressed, make the Goddess as comfortable as you can on Zarun’s back and the four of you set off into the desert.

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) plays, fades into interlude]

Noel: Hello, hello and welcome to episode… twelv-leven. First of all I need to shout out to our sweet Patreon donors because we’ve just been blown away. You may have noticed, I don’t know if you were paying attention, we just barely mentioned it but we did get a Patreon donor named Brandon a couple weeks ago. And we loved that. Actually, after Brandon donated we got a whole bunch more Patreon donors and I just want to give a shout out to them right now. 

[Noel thanks the Patreon donors]

Noel: We are just floored, bowled-over, amazed. If you want to donate to our Patreon it is patreon.com/damesanddragons. We have quite a few rewards set up already and we are very excited to be posting all that Patreon exclusive stuff. 

There will still be some extras that come out on the Facebook and the Tumblr, but the majority of that is probably gonna move over to Patreon. However, we will never put our podcast in the position that you need to be subscribed to Patreon to understand the story or anything, so don’t worry about that. Anything that’s necessary for story understanding is gonna be on this main RSS feed. Forever. And always. Amen. 

Some of the things that are up on the Patreon right now are the full legend of the Goddess from the last episode, outtakes from the last episode and some exclusive outtakes from arc one as well. Some maps of the world below that Kat has been kind enough to put up. And there’s also tiers where you can have live-streams with us as well as getting some gifts. Some sweet gifts. 

We had a live-stream this past sunday, which was not much of a live-stream. It was just more of a skype call. We had Brandon, I don’t know if you’ve heard of him, talk a little bit about why he decided to donate on Patreon. 

Brandon: Well, I support a couple of different things on different Patreons and I just believe in supporting the arts. It’s something that I enjoy and it's a very nominal amount of money for something that gives me a lot of joy. I really appreciate good art and I think that’s what you guys do. And it’s very evident to me that you guys care about audio quality and Noel cares about editing and musical interludes and things like that. In terms of finding one that’s a dnd podcast but very different from a lot of other ones, is very passionate about what they do and produces really good independent one up work. 

You guys aren’t doing a module. Kat’s doing it from her own story, which is very impressive. It’s something that’s very easy to give. You know, if you’re giving a dollar a month and you get two hours of content from one dollar? Or five dollars a month, for me that’s money well spent. You know, it costs eighteen dollars to see a two hour movie that I might like. I’m giving five dollars a month to something I very much enjoy and y’all get to buy chicken nuggets. 

Noel: So thank you so much again, Brandon, for selling our Patreon better any of us could have ever dreamed. That’s incredible. I also want to put out a special, special thank you to Stan for donating ten dollars a month which… I … cannot believe. In thanks he asked me to sing Haden’s A Very Full House theme and I did a shortened rendition of it but here it is!

[Noel sings]

Noel: Haden I hope that was okay with you and if it wasn’t okay with you that you blame Stan completely. Thanks so much for writing a great song. 

I also want to put out a thank you for people who have reviewed us on iTunes. 

[Noel thanks the iTunes reviewers]

Noel: I also wanted to give a quick shout out today to a podcast called ‘Dames Not Damsels’. Yes, that’s ‘Dames Not Damsels’, not ‘Dames and Dragons’. I found them because they always come up on my search bar when I search for ‘Dames and Dragons’ and they posted their first episode almost exactly the time that we posted our first episode so it’s kind of a really interesting little bit of coincidence there. 

This podcast is, as they say, a podcast for lady nerds for lady nerds. I would assume that applies to a lot of you in our audience. They explore a lot of topics just about their lives and a lot about nerd culture and women in nerd culture and how our experience can be unique. It is two ladies who are also in an actual play dnd podcast called ‘Dicey Tales’ and they are really cool. 

I’ve talked to them a little bit, they’re really kind in the way that they talk about things in a way that they talk about things in a way that I’m not sure I could be about some of the things that they mention. I would really recommend their podcast if you’re interested in learning more about how women experience nerd culture or in commiserating and celebrating how women experience nerd culture as a woman. 

I also want to thank everyone in our audience for continuing to be freaking amazing. I love you all so much and so personally. I am reaching out my soul to you through the astral plane and touching you gently on the forehead. [whispering] I hope you feel it. 

The next episode will be up on May twenty-ninth and now for a message to Chantelle. Chantelle, I am so glad that you left that iTunes review. It is beautiful and perfect. I am, however, I dunno, I guess a little confused? Because… you said that you blackout during out episodes? I’m not sure why that would be, sorry if you’re waking up covered in blood, but you know, good luck out there!

Kat: Alright. Chantelle, the codeword is: Renegade bisexual dog-stealer. Obviously.

Sophia: And here is a message to my brother who I am trying to listen to the podcast. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) begins playing]

Sophia: Who has been listening, and he likes it so far. Anyways, the code word is: He’s a fart-mouth. 

[Kat cackles]

Sophia: Yeah. 

Kat: We’ll leave it at that. 

[‘Guardians Theme (Into Avelis)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ (interlude music) plays, fades to episode]

Kat: Fran and Corbin, the next day when you wake up and exit the tent, you can see that they are already loaded up, they’ve been up for hours. The carts are fully burdened with their bulette spoils and Nodrig, he comes over to you guys and he has two pairs of goggles which he offers to you guys.

Noel: Oh yes!

Kaitlin: I love them

Noel: I immediately put the goggles on.

Kat: They are not great fashion wise, but super awesome keeping sand out of 

your eyes wise.

Kaitlin: Yeah I put mine one too.

Noel: But I put mine on my head like an anime boy. They are not going on my eyes.

Kat: He tries to put them on your eyes for you, he thinks you don’t understand.

Noel: I let him push them down, but then I push them back up and then I point up to them and say:

Fran: Fashion!

Kaitlin: I put mine on my eyes and I look at him and I say:

Corbin: She knows how to wear them, she’s just an idiot.

[Kat laughs] 

Kat: He gives up after a minute. Sort of looks at you both, like he is deciding something and he grabs you, Fran, under your arms, picks you up, down on the edge of one of the carts.

Noel: Wheee!

Kat: Same thing Corbin. Just, ‘Hup’ and then you’re up on the sled. This sled is loaded with just crates and things. He did not do you the discourtesy of putting you on the carcass sled. 

Noel: That’s fair. Thank you.

Kat: They also did take your jaw bone and put it with the rest of the bones, but like, they tied a little string around it, so it's yours.

Noel: Aw, cute.

Kat: Yeah. And not too much longer than that, you guys are off. I guess they just sort of adopted you, is what it seems like. 

Noel: When the carts start moving, I pull down my goggles.

[laughter]

Kat: It's a good thing you do because when they start moving, they start going fast. They’re kicking up lots of sand, so you’re really glad to have those goggles on. But you can still see out over these dunes. And you watch them go by, and it’s all just this rolling dune after dune. It looks like it just goes on forever. And then have perception checks.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: Fifteen.

Noel: I got eighteen.

Kat: Fran you spot it. It looks like there—up ahead there's a crater. And sticking out of the crater there is a piece of a tower. It takes you a minute but you do recognise it after a second. You recognize the distinctive ladle shape of the top of the tower but it’s laying on its side.

Noel: [emotionally] The library!

Kat: Yeah, it's the top of the library.

Noel: Okay, I make a minor illusion of an arrow pointing at the library in front of my driver.

Kat: The driver is very surprised, he is kinda very upset by this. But it’s enough that it scares the lizard-dogs and they come to a crashing halt, which makes the whole caravan divert around them and stop.

Noel: Geez Louise.

Kat: The whole caravan does come to a stop but it is not an elegant affair.

Kaitlin: Way to go!

Noel: What was I supposed to do? It’s the library!

Kat: As you're able to look at the library now that you stopped, this is definitely just the top of the tower, maybe the top three or four floors. And the bottom of it is sealed. So where it broke off, it’s sealed shut, as you look closer, it looks like it was stone shaped closed. But the window—one of the windows is broken and you can get inside

Noel: Okay, so we gotta go in there

Kat: You don't have to, you don’t have to do anything.

Noel: Um, yeah we do!

Kaitlin: I want to go in!

Noel: There’s books in there and maybe people .

Noel: What do the orcs do? When we go to run inside there?

Kat: They don’t follow y0u. They are all hanging back. 

Noel: They are waiting though?

Kat: But they are waiting for you

Kaitlin: Okay.

Noel: I again say:

Fran: Wait for us!

Noel: And I throw my arm out and I do a harmless shower of sparks. 

Kat: You go in and it’s very dark inside. 

[‘singing library’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Kat: The few windows that remain, they are shedding a little bit of light but the tower's turned on its side. The wisps that used to follow the librarians around, you can see them flickering in and out. They’re wandering aimlessly because there are no librarians left to serve. The books and the scrolls, they’re scattered everywhere. 

[‘singing library’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ fades out]

Kat: Bookshelves are overturned, there are pieces of the floor that have come loose and tumbled to other parts. There’s sand that’s begun to pour in through the windows. What you wanna do?

Noel: I guess we should do perception roll to see if there is anyone in here? Should we call out? I’m afraid of calling out cause I feel like—

Kaitlin: Corbin yells.

[laughter]

Noel: Oh my god. What do you yell?

Corbin: [yelling] Burger-Jerger?!

Noel: [softly] Oh my god.

Kat: Your cry echoes. It echoes for a while but there is no response.

Kaitlin: I wanna do a perception check to see if there are any books that could be useful. 

Noel: Or valuable—I mean I’m sure there are. 

Kaitlin: Or valuable.

Noel: Probably any of this is pretty valuable, since it came from the gods. 

Kaitlin: Just like we did.

Kat: Roll perception.

[dice roll]

Kat: Oh! That’s good.

Kaitlin: Yeah, I got a nineteen plus something, so. 

Kat: Yeah. It looks like in the last few floors of the library, there was a section on social history, history of etiquette, history of fashion, history of pop culture in Estra. There's a art section with lots of books of illustrations, rubbings of carvings and things like that. There is a section on languages and there is a section on magic. 

Noel: Okay, I think we should look through the magic section. ‘Cause at least for me, I may be able to find some spells.

Kat: Yeah, that’s a good point. ‘Cause you have lost access, as a wizard your spells come from learning spells.

Noel: Exactly, I need to study.

Kat: Yeah. As you’re looking through, and you’re picking through the books and trying to sort out what might be useful, what might be valuable, you hear very faintly the sound of someone trying to form words but it doesn’t seem that they are able to. As you look further and you follow that sound find, pinned under a bookcase, is Luelle.

Noel: [whispering] Luelle.

[Kaitlin gasps]

Kat: And she’s barely breathing.

Kaitlin: I help her out. 

Kat: Wha—you just help her? I just help her!

Kaitlin: I just do it, Kat!

Kat: You just do it! You just help her!

Kaitlin: I call Fran over. We try to lift the bookcase, I guess.

Kat: Make a Strength check.

Kaitlin: I tell her to do it.

Noel: Okay, I also make a Strength check, I have negative one Strength, just to remind you Corbin.

[dice roll]

Kaitlin: Fourteen. 

Noel: I rolled an eight. 

Kat: Oh, you guys are not able to, this is a big, heavy bookshelf and you’re just not able to get it off of her.

Noel: Let me see if I have anything that would help here.

Kat: As you are debating what you should do, she grabs your hand Corbin.

Luelle: [softly and gasping] Does—is she—alive—still?

[‘singing library’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Corbin: [cringing] Sure, buddy.

Luelle: The Goddess survived?

Corbin: Yeah, probably.

Luelle: Probably? I tried, when it was all falling, I tried. I tried to save the books. The tower came off so I sealed off the bottom so that... I could save the books.

Fran: [gently] You did really well saving the books Luelle.

Corbin: Yeah you did it!

Luelle: I don’t know, who will read them?

Fran: Corbin, can you use a healing spell?

Kaitlin: I was just gonna say, can I cast a healing spell?

Kat: Actually, as you begin to cast the healing spell, she takes your hand again and she shakes her head.

Luelle: I’m not coming back. 

Corbin: What?

Luelle: There’s nothing left. 

Corbin: Hey now, that’s not entirely true.

Fran: We found some very nice people?

Luelle: There’s nothing left.

Corbin: No!

Fran: Yeah, there is.

Luelle: So cold.

Corbin: No, no, no.

Fran: Okay, just cast a healing spell.

Kaitlin: I cast the healing spell. 

Kat: Before you are able to, it’s too late. She’s gone.

Kaitlin: Dammit. I yell in frustration. Can we drag her out?

Noel: Can we try, pull her out and like—

Kat: Yeah, now that you’re not worrying about crushing her further, you are 

able to pull her corpse from the rubble. As you get her out, a wisp appears by her face, and it bumps into her once and then again and then it fades out.

Kaitlin: No.

Kat: And it disappears. The rest of the wisps, they also begin to fade out one by one. The library gets a little bit darker each time one disappears. It seems that Luelle was the last thing keeping them here on this plane and without her there, they're leaving. They’re departing for the elemental plane they were summoned from.

[‘singing library’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Noel: [Sighs] Well, we should take her body with her as we go, but we should still try to find some books that are useful probably.

Kat: What you’re able to find here is quite a lot actually. The issue that you have is that you are not really able to find the right spell books for your level. Everything that you’re finding you’re like, ‘Maybe I could figure this out?0.’ It seems like whatever section that may have had stuff of your caliber is gone. But you are able to find a lot of stuff on advanced spell casting, advanced summoning and its stuff that absolutely could be useful for you but it’ll take you some studying to figure out.

Noel: Okay, well that sounds good. I would like to take some of that stuff. 

Kat: Absolutely. As you guys are picking around, trying to figure out what’s useful to take, behind you the sound of crunching glass and when you turn one of the orcs has come in. It’s a young woman and she has white hair that’s tied up in a top knot on top of her head. And as she's looking around, you see she’s crying. And as she’s crying, she doesn’t say anything, but she begins to bend down and starts picking up books and she starts piling them up in her arms and she just keeps picking up books. And then when her arms are full, she walks out. And then she comes back and she’s got a couple more people with her and they all start picking up books.

Corbin: Fran, I think some messed up stuff is going on in this place.

Fran: What? Like it fell from the sky and everyone inside it died?

Corbin: No, I mean like, they covet books!

[chuckles]

Fran: Corbin… you don’t covet books?

Corbin: No but… Look, all I’m saying is this seems like the kind of society where, maybe reading doesn’t happen here?

Fran: Wh—why?

Corbin: [exasperated] Cause they covet books! You know, read the social cues!

Fran: Honestly Corbin, can you think about what you are saying for one second. That the society that doesn’t read, covets books?

Corbin: Maybe books are destroyed? May this is ‘Fahrenheit 451’: the aftermath. I don't know Fran!

Fran: That lady seemed like she was crying in sympathy, that was my interpretation.

Corbin: [indignant] Okay, well, whatever, I thought she was crying about the books.

Fran: Alright. 

[Sophia laughs away from the mic]

Noel: I’ll carry the books.

Kat: You do it, you’re carrying them. 

Fran: Corbin, I have all these books in my hands. So, I noticed that there’s a dead body that needs to be carried. 

[Corbin makes sounds of discomfort]

Kaitlin: I turn into a big stag and I do a stupid little dance to taunt Fran.

[laughter]

Kaitlin: And Then I... scoop up Luelle in my horns?

Noel: How bout I help you with that? 

Kaitlin: Get her on me.

Noel: But as you’re doing your dance, Fran fights tears.

[laughter]

Kat: Oh no, ‘cause it looks like Bae!

Kaitlin: That was insensitive.

Corbin: I apologise.

Noel: Fran throws the books on the ground and then comes to help you put that lady on your back so you can carry her out.

Kat: As you guys exit the library, you see that the couple of orcs that were taking books has now multiplied. And you can see that they’ve redistributed one of the sleds and they’ve begun packing as many books as they can on that sled. And the white haired orc woman who was the one that you saw crying, she approaches you, Fran and holds out her hands for your books and then points to the sled and sort of holds out her hands again. 

Noel: I give them to her and then I just say:

Fran: Thanks!

Kat: She does not understand you but she reaches out and she grabs you at the back of your head and puts her forehead against yours.

Noel: Oh, I’m real scared.

Kat: It’s kind of an aggressive move. But she gently puts her forehead against yours and then moves away and she walks away with your books.

Noel: I’m gonna roll to fall in love. 

[soft giggles]

[dice roll]

Noel: Fran doesn’t act any different.

Kat: Okay, okay.

[soft giggles]

Noel: Does anybody notice that we have a dead body? 

Kaitlin: Or that there’s a deer walking around?

Kat: Oh, they are mystified. They’re looking at you in awe. Besides that one white haired orc who seems to be mostly preoccupied with these books, everyone is staring at you. They part for you as you walk through with this body. And Nodrig, he comes forward and he takes the body off of your back. And he—with one—he takes the body, he has her in one arm, because he is massively strong. Think Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson—

Kaitlin: Oh good.

Kat: —in physique type. He takes you by the back of your deer head and he does the same thing: he puts his forehead to yours. And then he takes the body back with him to his sled. 

Kaitlin: You know that noise that the harts make in Dragon Age: Inquisition when you go fast on them and they scream?

Kat: [slightly baffled] Oh my god, yeah.

Kaitlin: I make that noise.

Kat: [not stoked about it] God. 

[Corbin makes awful hart noises]

[chuckles]

Kat: Once you are back, in your human shape and the sleds are loaded up, it’s getting dark. This has definitely been a large detour. But they are all loading back up and getting back on the sleds. It seems that even though it is getting dark, they’re not stopping tonight. 

Noel: Are we on that sled, or are we on a different one?

Kat: Yeah, they let you ride on the book sled.

Noel: Cool.

Kat: As the sun is going down over dunes and you’re riding on this book sled, you don’t know where you’re going.

[‘let’s go’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing] 

Kat: But it’s better than where you are.

[‘let’s go’ from ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ continues playing, transitions to next scene] 

Kat: Laika, as you and your party trek out across the desert, it’s hard. You are in a big metal suit and that sun is getting very hot, very fast. I’m gonna have you roll three survival checks.

Sophia: You just love this.

Kat: I do.

Sophia: You’re sick.

Kat: I love it.

[dice roll]

Sophia: [surprised] Oh, great. The first one is twenty-two. 

[dice roll]

Sophia: The second one is a twenty-two.

Kat: What?

[dice roll]

Sophia: The third one is a twenty-two. 

Noel: [disbelieving] No it’s not.

Kaitlin: [disbelieving] No!

Sophia: I swear to god, you guys.

Kaitlin: I saw them though.

Sophia: Was three eighteens.

Kaitlin: Was weird. 

Kat: Oh my god. That is insane, well, awesome. You, surprisingly, do really well. As you're starting off across the desert, the first time you go down a dune, and then realise how far it is to go back up, you realise, okay, we need to walk on top of the dunes rather than trying to go straight. And that helps you a lot. You guys are able to form a single file line of Gingie, you, and then Zarun carrying the Goddess across the tops of these dunes. 

As you’re walking across these dunes you see in the distance, a lightning storm coming. It is just a wall of dark ahead of you. And you immediately realise that is not something you wanna be out here for. But, at first you don’t see anything, so you keep going. And then you see there's kind of a weird dip in the desert and as you walk towards that, you see that it's a piece of rubble. A piece of Estra that’s fallen. It looks like just a chunk of a building. 

[‘let’s go’ ‘1: Festival of Lights (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ concludes playing]

Kat: So you are able to take shelter well before the storm hits. And once you’re inside, you can see it’s—the room is tilted on its side. The wall is the ceiling, the floor is sand. There are some pieces of furniture, some stray tables and chairs. It looks like this was somebody’s dining room, maybe, or their living room. What do you wanna do?

Sophia: Is there food or water here?

Kat: Make a, what that would be, investigation? Investigation check!

[dice roll]

Sophia: [sings] Ah hah, that is a threeeee.

[Kat cackles]

Kat: No, you don’t find anything.

Sophia: [sings] Well, shiiit.

Kat: But you do think to find some of the cloth from some chairs to cover the windows so the sand storm doesn’t get in. Just as you think to do that, the first gust of wind hits the building. You four are able to hunker down in the last remains of this building and wait out this sandstorm. You are stuck in this building throughout the whole evening. And again, it gets really cold at night.

With your super expert survival checks, you are able to find enough materials to get a fire started. Enough little scraps of cloth and thread that you are able to get enough of a spark going. It's not much, but it keeps you guys warm when the desert gets really bitterly cold through the night. But the next morning, you are starving and you are getting weak and you are going to take minus one Constitution damage. And until you get food, every single day that you wake up hungry you will take another damage—another Constitution damage. 

Sophia: I bet there was food in that building that I didn’t find.

Kat: [giggles] You think? 

Sophia: Yeah. Kat giggled, so that’s a yes.

Kat: I am gonna have you make another three survival checks.

[dice roll]

Sophia: That is a twenty-four.

[dice roll]

Sophia: That one’s seven.

[dice roll]

Sophia: And that one is a eleven.

Kat: Your second day, you start out strong. You’re feeling good, you’re feeling like you’ve got this, you’ve never been in a desert. You have never seen a desert, but you know what is up with deserts. And you think that for a good chunk of the morning right up until Gingie falls into a sand pit and you have to quickly grab her to keep her sinking into the sands.

From then on you realise this is not a walk in the park, it is a trek through an unforgiving desert. And somehow it is even hotter than it was the day before and things start to go down pretty quickly. Zarun is panting. You have no water. You still haven’t found any. 

When you check on the Goddess, she’s looking very ashen, her breathing has shallowed. Her lips are chapped and cracked. You’re all definitely suffering from dehydration at this point. I’m going to have you make a perception check.

[dice roll]

Sophia: [singing, scared] Uh, eleven.

Kat: Alright! Just barely enough!

Sophia: [relieved] Thank god.

Kat: It’s getting late, the sun is going down and just in the distance, you’re not sure. You’re not sure at all, but you think you see a little bit of green

Sophia: I run towards it screaming:

Laika: Land! Freedom!

Sophia: I have a really long beard now. 

[laughter]

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ from ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ begins playing]

Sophia: And I’m wearing rags, and I have a ball that’s named Wilson.

[laughter]

Kat: You run towards it. It is! It is! It's what you thought it was; it’s an oasis! It’s just starting to get dark, but you do have enough time to collect a little bit of kindling and get a fire going. You stay up for the first watch, it’s uneventful. You go to sleep. And when you wake up the next morning, it’s because you feel Gingie licking your face. 

And you realize it’s not quite morning, it's sorta this, just before dawn, this odd sort of half light and it's not Gingie licking your face. It's this creature, you’ve never seen one before. It has this long face and these big eyes on either sides of its head and then these two big humps on its back. 

[Kaitlin makes an unholy noise of excitement]

Sophia: [delighted] It's a camel!

Kat: And as you look up at this creature and it looks down at you it says:

Camel: What. Are. You?

[‘beautiful owl (Ending Theme)’ ‘2: Into Avelis (Dames & Dragons Soundtrack)’ swells, continues and then concludes playing]

Kat: And the four of you set off into the desert. 

Sophia: [in a British accent] Jam on toast, Bowie.

[noises of discomfort]

Kat: Why are you saying that?

Sophia: That’s my catchphrase!

Kat: [through laughter] Are you making up a catch phrase?

Noel: You can say ‘Jam on toast’ I guess. If you want.

Sophia: I do want.

Kat: Why are you saying that?

Sophia: I love to say ‘Jam on toast’, I say it all the time.

Kat: What is that from?

Noel: What does it mean?

Sophia: My mind! It means nothing. It’s a cool thing that cool guys who eat onion rings and wear tight shirts say.

Kaitlin: It's definitely from something. Kat are you looking it up?

Sophia: No it's not!

Kat: Yeah it is. 

Kaitlin: Tell us what it’s from. 

Noel: What's it from?

Kaitlin: I bet it's super embarrassing.

Kat: On urban dictionary, it means having sex in a car.

Kaitlin: [loudly, extended] Wow!

[laughter]

Sophia: I’m saying it, ‘cause that’s not what it means. Clearly, you could look up ‘fart on a log’ and urban dictionary will be like ‘having sex in a car’, okay?

Kaitlin: It’d be having a sex on a log, Sophia.

Sophia: Whatever.

Noel: Would you just say ‘fart on a log’?

[Kaitlin laughs]

Sophia: No!

Noel: I think that’s just as cool as ‘Jam on toast’.

Sophia: ‘Jam on toast’ is very cool sounding.

Kat: Okay, alright. If that’s going to be your catchphrase, I guess we’re just gonna embrace that, okay.

[outro music]

[end]