Amy: 0:00
You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship. We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life. Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun. The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better. Mmm, it's all about me.
Nick: 1:32
Even the plane filled.
Cindy: 1:37
And sometimes it's left out of the conversation. So sex is meant to be pleasurable, and pleasurable for both partners, and often what we find is that women aren't experiencing a lot of pleasure in. That often comes down to not having knowledge about the clitoris or mindset.
Amy: 1:57
They think that it's not supposed to be pleasurable for them. Like, how sad is that? Very sad.
Nick: 2:02
It's created for both of us, yeah, a lot of women feel like, oh, it's just pleasurable for him and I'm just here, and that shouldn't be that way at all.
Amy: 2:10
Like, who's going to want to make love if it's not good for them too? Right, like it's supposed to be uniting and amazing.
Nick: 2:15
It's making love.
Cindy: 2:20
Think about that in terms of desire. It's hard to have desire or motivation to have sex and intimacy with someone if it's not pleasurable. If it's only for the other right, but sex and pleasure is for everyone. It is for women. They're designed with a pleasure center, the clitoris, and that's its main function is pleasure. So if you missed the first episode I was on quite some time ago. We talked all about the clitoris and where it is and how to find yours. I encourage you to go back and listen, or come on over to my platform, where I talk about it every day, all the time. It's awesome, right, because if you have information and education, understand the whole clitoris. It's a whole network, right? It is not just the love button on the outside, it is all inside too. It's so much a reptile tissue for pleasure, available to be aroused and stimulated and bring delight, right? Yes, and so I really wanted to share some pleasure techniques that have been studied and then given you know, language has been given to it, so that we can help women especially, who want to have more pleasure with intercourse or penetration. So I get this question every week how can I orgasm with intercourse? How can I like intercourse more? I want to have intercourse, but it's not really pleasurable for me, like I don't get that much out of it. Well, the truth is, you're normal if you're feeling that way, because not not even 80% I would say 80%, or to 90% of women do not orgasm with intercourse alone. Did you hear me?
Nick: 4:14
Yeah.
Cindy: 4:15
Okay, yeah, so if you're not orgasming with an intercourse alone, you're in the huge majority. Yeah, so, whatever he means which is me.
Amy: 4:24
I'm in that.
Cindy: 4:26
I'm in that so many, most women are. And yet what we see in the movies and you know here, and books and just media, it's so pervasive that you know a woman just yeah, they make it intercourse. It's the best thing ever. She has a orgasm. Well, that's, that's not even reality. That's, that's just show business, that is just media and it's not the truth. So, if we think about the clitoris and how it's organized under the surface, as well as the part you can see on the outside, because it has legs and bulbs all inside, come over to my platform and look at my. I wish I could show you my little model and everything, but I know we're not you know we don't do video. Learn about the clitoris and the whole anatomy of it so that you can access it all for pleasure.
Amy: 5:17
Both of you. The husband needs to learn about it the wife needs to learn about it. For sure, ding ding, ding it was like changing when we took the time to learn about it and our entire sexual intimacy changed.
Nick: 5:30
Well, unlike, like Amy said, you know for her to say, hey, not there here, you know, right, like, guide me in the right direction, tell me where to go.
Cindy: 5:38
Yep, love that, love that you brought that up, because communication is the key here. It is. This is where I like to be touched, right there.
Amy: 5:47
Yep.
Cindy: 5:48
Harder, faster, softer, more, more vibration, more movement, less over to the right, over to the left. Your words right. Use your words and advocate your partner about your body.
Nick: 6:03
Because I, I feel like I feel like I'm pretty knowledgeable and I still like, still get into where she's like Nope, over here more, I'm like oh.
Amy: 6:12
I thought I had it.
Nick: 6:13
Like this has been like 1000 times, so yeah, well, the thing is too, we shift and change.
Cindy: 6:20
Yeah, not so much, you know. You know huge shift in our anatomy, but what we like and don't like, or how we like, it changes and shifts. A time for women and communicating that huge.
Amy: 6:34
Absolutely.
Nick: 6:35
Love her.
Cindy: 6:37
Yes, love that. So let's get into these four techniques that women use, and I love giving this language to women so that, if they're partnered, they can say, like I really I heard I listened to this podcast, you know, and they were talking about these four techniques and I'd love to try one. What do you think about this? I'm trying to frame out how you could, how you could bring this up if you're listening alone and not partnered together. So the first one is pairing, which is basically you are including clitoral stimulation with penetration. You may be doing this already if you normally put your fingers down and touch your clitoris, or your partner does at the same time, or you're used to using a vibrator of some kind and having access right to the glands clitoris that you can touch on the outside. Over 70% of women use this technique right Of including some kind of stimulation to the glands clitoris, the head of clitoris, on the outside during penetration. That make sense, yep. We totally recommend and either, if you want to touch yourself, you can. If you want to direct your partner's fingers to the place where you want it, you know, show each other, talk about it, talk, talk, talk, talk and figure out how. What position gives you access to that, being able to do that. If you're open to bringing in a small toy or couples vibrator, people have, there's this great options out now, that was a game changer for us.
Nick: 8:19
Yep, pardon me, that was a game changer for us, absolutely. We were very against it, or hesitant, I guess, for quite a while, and we had no idea what we were missing and how much it improved our intimacy.
Cindy: 8:34
And I love hearing you say that, because there is such a stigma against toys or vibrators. And yet what we know is if a couple agrees together and they want to try it together, and everybody can sense that we're going to add in an addition. It's not a substitution for our game. Absolutely. That's how we treat it. In addition, it's basically signing you up for the kind of stimulation your clitoris and bull bull like.
Amy: 9:01
Well, on the best, oh, it's just going to say the best thing to incorporate it for both people is what we sell in our shop is our rings, because it's like you said, it doesn't take away from anybody, it's just adding to and it's it's so helpful because you can still have intercourse, still get the clitoris touched at the same time. Amazing, amazing yeah.
Cindy: 9:22
Love it. Yeah, so pairing. Pairing makes sense. It makes sense, right? We're thinking our key to pleasure is our clitoris. So we're going to get access and stimulation to our clitoris at the same time as we're having penetration, right?
Amy: 9:35
Yeah, okay.
Cindy: 9:37
The next one is shallowing shallowing like 84% of women report using shallowing this technique. And when I talk about percentages and the research, this is all out of OMYG, omg yes, I always say it the wrong way. Omyg, yes, which is. It's a research company and a pleasure platform for women, and they did a huge study. I think it was over 3,000 women and this is where this language is coming from. It's in a published paper. It's just really good. It's really good for women to say words that make sense with a partner or to themselves, to be able to try something different. So that's how this came about, and this is just a touch that stays on the outside, so penetration doesn't go all the way in. It's staying on the outside, and some people have a lot of sensitivity in that perineum area, the tissue between the vagina and the rectum. That's called your perineum. It has a lot of nerve sensitive spots and a lot of women like that shallow little thrusts on the outside and just in the entrance and not going deeper. You definitely need adequate lubrication for this. So good arousal, meaning you're warmed up. You've been doing things that get your body aroused and ready, and this tissue is really thin there, so we need lubrication. I'm talking about good lube for sex, okay.
Amy: 11:13
Yup. Big fan of lube Big fan.
Nick: 11:16
We are as well Mandatory.
Cindy: 11:19
So you don't want to have too much friction, but you want the stimulation, so does shallowing make sense?
Nick: 11:25
Absolutely.
Cindy: 11:25
Yeah, Okay. The next one is rocking, Rocking. 76% of women say, oh, I and you may be listening going oh, I do that. Wow, rocking. Okay, baby, let's rock.
Amy: 11:41
I mean.
Cindy: 11:42
you're so language-right. Rocking is penetration that stays all the way inside and there's not thrusting. So follow along with me here. If the penetration is all the way inside and a woman is rocking her pelvis, I'm rocking back and forth. Just Right, Let me demo.
Nick: 12:03
She's giving a clean demo.
Cindy: 12:05
Right If you're rocking back and forth with penetration that stays all the way inside. That is allowing your glands, clitoris, to have contact with your partner's pelvis and tube of bone Right, so you're staying connected tight and that rocking is providing you the stimulation that you need to clitoris. A lot of people call this grinding, where you feel like you're grinding that kind of motion. I don't care what you call it. Try positions which would allow you to do that Right. So you can toss a chair position right where your woman would be sitting on her spouse's lap and it allows you to do that grinding or rocking position, whether you're front-facing or forward-facing or back-facing, just an idea. So pick positions that you can try that in, and if your partner needs like a little reminder not to thrust right, you can wrap your legs around them. You can just whisper in their ear keep still, let me move, I'm moving. Make it too tight.
Nick: 13:15
Let me take care of it.
Cindy: 13:17
Whatever you need to do, because if you're not used to trying this, it doesn't. You know, the habit of thrusting is kind of there, okay, so what do you think about that?
Amy: 13:27
That was a great one, and there's certain positions that work really well with that. 100%, absolutely, yeah, and when the pelvic bone is actually pressing hard enough, it actually works. There you go. And that has to happen for most women to have an orgasm with penetration.
Nick: 13:45
You're talking to two people that had to test every position on the app.
Cindy: 13:51
There you go, hey, and you might combine this with your apps on the. You know your positions on the app, and yeah. But the great thing, though, too, is that people are organized. Their genitals are organized just exactly their way. We're not all the same, and so what works for one person may not work for another person.
Nick: 14:15
So true.
Cindy: 14:16
For one person they can really get the stimulation that they need from a rear entry position and another person's like that, just doesn't get where I need it to go Right. So true, everyone's different, everyone's different, and before we go to the last one, we change. So what we liked or what was really hitting our spots 10 years ago may change and be different now.
Amy: 14:41
Right, so true.
Cindy: 14:42
This is an ongoing conversation. This is a conversation that's ongoing that we revisit.
Nick: 14:48
That's why we tell people always try different things. Right, try different things. Find out what works for you, because it might not work for someone else.
Amy: 14:56
But you first have to give yourself permission for pleasure.
Cindy: 14:59
Yeah, there you go, Give yourself permission for pleasure and give yourself permission to give it a go and be laughing your head off saying OK, wow, that was not what I expected and have a good time. Sex is your playground, exactly, don't playground. Or maybe you say OK, wow, I've just dissolved into giggles now, so let's just do something different and revisit this another time, right? Well, maybe you find it's really hot and it's going to be one of your go-to things. Wow, can we do that again in one right, just experiment. And this is all good information. If something doesn't work, well, then that's good information to hey, hey, hey, hey, that's not comfortable. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Ok, I figured out. No, I need to say no right now. Well, that's not OK for me, that's not comfortable 100%.
Nick: 15:55
Absolutely.
Cindy: 15:55
That's a good information to know about you and your body.
Nick: 15:58
Right.
Cindy: 15:58
That's for sure. So the last one is angling Angling 88% of women reported using angling, and some of you, I'm sure, already do you just don't call it that and this is just naturally trying to rotate your hips in a way that provide penetrating, pairing almost, or stimulation to the clitoris or to the inner clitoris, the bulbs and the legs inside. Angling can sometimes get those erectile tissues the stimulation that they like and need to be aroused. So you can do this with pillows. A lot of women really enjoy having their whole pelvis and hips lifted. It could be a couple firm pillows, it could be a sex pillow that's more like a wedge. But it doesn't have to be complicated. Just try what's in your home first and see if it works. If that doesn't work, then try another option in your home. But raising your hips and giving you a little height sometimes puts the penetration where is the most pleasurable for you. If you've never tried pillows in your home, ok, let's sign up for that first. Give it a go and see what you can, that's probably the area we're least experienced in.
Amy: 17:19
Yeah, that's Nick's minds right now. I was like oh, we got stuff to do.
Cindy: 17:25
Well, I just did an episode on positions with props to try to remind people that use the chairs in your house. You use the pillows in your house. People call this lifted missionary. If a woman's on her back and using pillows to lift, I just call it pillow lift. I don't know, it doesn't have to be complicated, but try some different positions and use things that are around you to give yourself some variety. People always say spice things up. I don't love that Like we're looking for variety, because variety really sparks erotic energy and we want to be having that energy in our relationship and intimacy.
Nick: 18:09
For sure.
Amy: 18:10
I think we've talked about this before, but as humans, we get bored. We get bored with our houses, we get bored with our cars, we buy new clothes, we buy new stuff because we get bored. Like it's important to realize. As humans, we're wired to need variety in lots of different ways and so when marriage seems dull or getting boring, like yes, we need variety in our date nights, in our bedroom, out of the bedroom, just in life in general. So I think it's really awesome that you brought that up Right.
Nick: 18:39
He's big? Yeah, I think so.
Amy: 18:40
And those people who are against trying new things, like you're missing out. We're wired to need that, you know.
Cindy: 18:46
Oh, yes, and that is that can look a lot of different ways. I mean, if you're putting sex in a box and we've talked about this before you got me If you're putting it in a box and you're not tapping into, all that can be explored, whether that's just sleeping naked together once in a while or taking a shower together. That doesn't lead to intercourse or anything else, it's just touching each other's bodies with water and suds, and all of these things spark erotic energy between the two of you and those things fuel intimacy. Yeah, it's like be curious, absolutely. Use your curiosity and think about what would be different and fun and let it look a million different ways.
Nick: 19:34
Well, I thought we were kind of experts, but apparently there's a lot of things we still need to learn and do yeah or not. We appreciate you bring those up because I'm like oh, we haven't tried that, so that could be amazing.
Cindy: 19:47
So tonight tonight it's Angeline, tomorrow we're in Chi-Rocke. The next day we're going to try to meet for lunch and try the shallowee. No, I'm just saying always use the pairing and in any other ways, use this language together. If you're listening, use this language if it's an easy way to open the conversation with your spouse and to say, hey, I heard about this. This nurse was talking about these ways we could make things more pleasurable for me and I'm really interested in that. I think that would be really fun and exciting.
Nick: 20:19
Well, who would want?
Cindy: 20:20
to sign up for that.
Nick: 20:22
Yeah, Not just nurse sex expert.
Amy: 20:27
Well, husband wouldn't want their wife to come say that to him too. Like I want to want it more. I want to find more pleasure in it. Help me get there.
Nick: 20:35
Let's learn together.
Amy: 20:36
That's what every husband wants, you know.
Nick: 20:39
Yeah, let's learn this together and figure it out.
Amy: 20:41
Yeah.
Nick: 20:42
Well, we really and the limit yeah.
Cindy: 20:44
It really is Pleasurable for both and both consent. There's so much to explore. Get curious and explore.
Amy: 20:51
And I loved what you said about like the bedroom is our adult playground. Like, go have fun, go be intimate and enjoy each other's bodies and the pleasure that you can have. It's just so important. So many couples are missing this. We just want to, like you know, scream it from the roof Like it's supposed to be awesome.
Nick: 21:10
Yeah, for sure yes.
Cindy: 21:11
Yes, and it doesn't have to be serious all the time. No, it's next to us not to be serious all the time, Hopefully, like you're lapping your heads off together once in a while, you know you're trying something new and going, wow, that is like. I know I cannot. You're never again.
Amy: 21:26
Never again. There's some decisions that we have in our stuff that I was like what is it?
Nick: 21:33
I'm like how does this work?
Amy: 21:34
What? I'm not an acrobat. What?
Cindy: 21:37
It doesn't. You know, it doesn't need to be just so serious. All the time, have a good time together and keep communicating, keep communicating and keep the communication ongoing.
Amy: 21:51
Talk, talk, talk some more, that's right.
Nick: 21:54
Well, we can't thank you enough for being on with us and sharing these things with our audience. I know, for even Amy and I there are things we're like. Oh yeah, we need to try this.
Amy: 22:03
We can make an entire seven day challenge again just from the stuff we learn Exactly.
Cindy: 22:09
Wonderful, yes, and if people want to learn more, I'd love to have them join me over at, permission for Pleasure, my podcast, or they can sign up for my newsletter it's education once a month and or my blog. I just really encourage people to open the doors to learning something new, getting curious and having conversations in their own homes.
Amy: 22:33
Yeah, Love it. Her podcast is Permission for Pleasure. Love it.
Cindy: 22:39
Yeah, you can find everything on my website at CindySharpiecom. Perfect.
Nick: 22:43
All right, go check her out. Well, thank you so much. We appreciate your time and being here with us again today, and to all of you out there, we hope you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.