We men drive ourselves crazy wondering why our wives don't crave sexual intimacy as much as we do! After all, most of us are good-looking, romantic, great fathers, and awesome husbands! It's baffling how they can keep their hands off of us!
In one of our recent conversations, Amy dropped a truth bomb about one of the reasons she doesn't crave intimacy as much as I (Nick) do. Her explanation made total sense to me, and we found a great solution. We agreed that we needed to do a podcast and share it with you!
So, if you're a husband who can't figure out why your wife doesn't crave intimacy like you do, or if you're a wife who feels the same way Amy did, you need to listen to this episode. We discuss the reasons why your wife might not crave sexual intimacy as often as you do, AND we talk about things you can do to increase your chances of enjoying more intimate moments.
If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 650,000 couples have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!
WANT AMAZING PRODUCTS TO SPICE THINGS UP? YES PLEASE... CLICK HERE
Enter promo code UIAPP for 10% off your purchase (and free shipping in the US)
The Ultimate Intimacy Sexual Intimacy Marriage Course can be found HERE
The Intimacy and Adventure Marriage Retreat to connect on a deeper level as a couple! Find out more at https://ultimateintimacy.com/retreats/
Follow us on Instagram @ultimateintimacyapp for app updates, polls, giveaways, daily marriage quotes and more.
If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.
We men drive ourselves crazy wondering why our wives don't crave sexual intimacy as much as we do! After all, most of us are good-looking, romantic, great fathers, and awesome husbands! It's baffling how they can keep their hands off of us!
In one of our recent conversations, Amy dropped a truth bomb about one of the reasons she doesn't crave intimacy as much as I (Nick) do. Her explanation made total sense to me, and we found a great solution. We agreed that we needed to do a podcast and share it with you!
So, if you're a husband who can't figure out why your wife doesn't crave intimacy like you do, or if you're a wife who feels the same way Amy did, you need to listen to this episode. We discuss the reasons why your wife might not crave sexual intimacy as often as you do, AND we talk about things you can do to increase your chances of enjoying more intimate moments.
If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 650,000 couples have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!
WANT AMAZING PRODUCTS TO SPICE THINGS UP? YES PLEASE... CLICK HERE
Enter promo code UIAPP for 10% off your purchase (and free shipping in the US)
The Ultimate Intimacy Sexual Intimacy Marriage Course can be found HERE
The Intimacy and Adventure Marriage Retreat to connect on a deeper level as a couple! Find out more at https://ultimateintimacy.com/retreats/
Follow us on Instagram @ultimateintimacyapp for app updates, polls, giveaways, daily marriage quotes and more.
If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.
Amy: 0:00
You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship. We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life. Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun. The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
Nick: 0:42
Ah yeah, here we are, the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy, and today's episode is exposing the most common reasons. Couples stop having sex, and there are a lot of couples that have stopped having sex maybe not completely, but, man, there are a lot of couples that really struggle out there. If you just listened to our previous episode, you'll know one of the reasons why, right, Right so as we dive into this, let's explore or expose the most common reasons couples stop having sex. I'm just going to throw it out, starting out, if you listened to our last podcast episode, episode 170, of why women are in complete control and say so when it comes to sex, I'm going to list this as the first reason why couples stop having sex Is because it all comes down to the spouse the low desire spouse, in determining if they're going to have sex or not, I agree which, in most cases, is the woman.
Amy: 1:45
I agree, I agree.
Nick: 1:48
So I would say hands down. That's the number one reason why couples stop having sex is because one spouse does not want to have sex.
Amy: 1:54
For whatever reason.
Nick: 1:56
For whatever reason. For combining all the reasons and that's the end of the podcast today. So I think, we've talked about it. I mean that's probably like 90% of the reason, right?
Amy: 2:07
Why would someone?
Nick: 2:09
okay, well, we'll get into more reasons We'll get into reasons.
Amy: 2:13
Do we want to start with the poll this time?
Nick: 2:14
Yeah, let's leave this off with the poll and we wanted to hear what all of you had to say. Are your reasons that you stopped having sex?
Amy: 2:24
Okay, I'm just going to take my poll answer first. Is that your poll answer? Is that the lower drive just doesn't want it?
Nick: 2:32
I mean, that's not really Well obviously obviously that kind of encompasses everything else, right, right, if the lower drive doesn't want it, it could be because of a hundred other things as well.
Amy: 2:41
Right.
Nick: 2:42
So really it encompasses a lot.
Amy: 2:44
My vote for the poll would be. Well, besides low libido distractions.
Nick: 2:50
Oh, absolutely.
Amy: 2:51
That would be probably my biggest one too, and I would say 90, like literally, it's usually 95% of marriages like guarantee, it's the woman that's like low libido, right, because we have like a million other things on our mind. But I think distractions can mean so many things. That's what I'm voting for.
Nick: 3:09
I would say so too. So yeah, let's read the poll and then we'll dive into the different distractions.
Amy: 3:14
Okay. So a few hundred people asked answer this poll, and we said where would you rate your sexual intimacy? So, out of hundreds of answers, what do you think? From like zero to 100%, where do you think the answer fell? I don't know when would you rate your sexual intimacy like married couple sex lives? Where do you think the average out of hundreds of people would fall, like zero and 100?
Nick: 3:39
I would think, based upon a lot of people not having sexual intimacy or not happy with it, that's probably 50% or something, I don't know.
Amy: 3:49
It was a sliding scale and it's literally like I'm showing Nick in half right that little dodge is like right in the middle.
Nick: 3:56
I got that was a lucky guess, because I had not seen that.
Amy: 3:58
So apparently, like half of the people that answered it have like really good and some. Some are kind of like pretty good and some of them are like pretty bad. Right, then you've got your sons that are awesome and some that are awful. So we then asked our audience what do you think stops couples from having amazing sexual intimacy in their marriage? So the first I'll just read these kind of quick that work Lack of connection, lack of emotional connection, lack of communication, lack of foreplay, not being willing to talk about it, not being open to toys, stresses of life, prioritizing kids and other family members over your spouse, miscommunications, kids, busyness, opposite work schedules, technology, different libidos, no sex drive for one spouse, just life, menopause, communication, lack of communication. And then it goes on and on. Lack of communication, talking about sex, lack of talking about sex, post trauma, lack of effort in the relationship, zero sex drive, laziness, bad health, putting themselves before their spouse, and then you got never enough time. I just don't get that one.
Nick: 5:23
I don't need that I don't get that one.
Amy: 5:25
Make it, make time. I'm talking about different libidos, other priorities, friends. Wife has zero sex drive. She takes care of me a lot, but 90% she's just doing it to take care of me. Men don't want that. Women yeah they don't. They don't want that Lack of emotional intimacy being too tired from working, lack of education around the topic. Ooh, that's why we created the app.
Nick: 5:51
Yeah, been there, done that.
Amy: 5:52
Been there, done that, no problems. That's a rough one. I get that one Low desire spouse letting their feelings drive intimacy. Haven't talked about what they want and how to get there. We're talking like orgasm, rectile dysfunction, poor communication. Okay, look how many answers. I just show Nick all the answers because it's like literally just goes on and on and on. Oh, a couple more Lack of romance, different expectations, wife's lack of confidence and trying new things, stress, trying new things, yep, lazy phones, busyness, yeah, like it goes on and on and your answers, I think we're covering pretty much every one of those in this episode. And if we don't, we already have another episode and Amy and I typically don't read the answers.
Nick: 6:48
before we do the podcast, we want to know, okay, what are they really thinking, and so that was the first time I'd heard any of the answers. But I thought that was really good, because we're covering so many of those things right. So let's talk about distractions. You talked about that.
Amy: 7:04
That was what I guessed.
Nick: 7:05
Yeah.
Amy: 7:06
Well, for a woman I am raising kids, I have teens, I do work, I do take care, I serve in my church I mean there's just a lot going on, right. And for a woman who sexual intimacy literally starts with your mindset, right, when we're distracted on all these other things, sex becomes the bottom of our list. It just does, because we're not, like we said in the last episode, we're not physically created to feel that need in our bodies. Some women are I wasn't one of them Sucks, but I don't feel that. So, yes, everything else starts to take priority over that, because nothing's telling me that I need that besides you, right, and I think that's common for most women. So distractions when we just have a lot going on and that could be anything Like I'm not even talking, just phones right now, or hobbies or friendships or whatever, like just having a distracted mind messes it up for me.
Nick: 8:11
For sure, and there's so many things nowadays that distract our minds Obviously technology we don't need to get into it as we've covered it in so many other podcast episodes.
Amy: 8:20
Yeah, we'll listen to our other episode.
Nick: 8:21
But technology is having a huge impact, as we've talked about, people would rather have their finger cut off than give up their phone. They would rather quit having sex than give up their phone. I mean technology is an addiction that's causing a lot of problems in marriages and, obviously, a lack of sexual intimacy. I mean the average couple is having a lot less sex nowadays with technology than they were 20 or 30 years ago. So it's just the truth. Distractions are causing a significant impact on sexual intimacy and marriage.
Amy: 8:57
Well, I think that's why so many people are into like meditation and prayer and just like yoga and like just any of those things that really are trying to like help our mind focus right. Like it's a crazy busy world and it's very easy for all of us to distract. So if there's phone issues or like addiction with technology issues in your marriage, go listen to the previous I don't remember which episode it was, I think it was labeled. I think you named it the best episode for your marriage or something, or most important or something Just talking about how to combat that distraction of technology and what it's doing, because so many people write us or comment and they're just like my wife or sometimes husband. Yes, it goes both ways. Would rather sit and scroll TikTok for hours than make love to me.
Nick: 9:55
Yeah, and that sucks.
Amy: 9:57
That's just like not doing anything for your life.
Nick: 9:59
Being a man and thinking my wife's more addicted to her phone than to spend time with me. I mean that sucks when the phone beats out spending time together.
Amy: 10:09
Yeah.
Nick: 10:09
Right, that just sucks.
Amy: 10:11
I think most marriages that they could have glimpsed in the future and thought, oh, my wife or my husband would rather scroll TikTok for hours than be intimate with me. Probably would have been like I don't wanna be in that.
Nick: 10:19
I'm out, I'll find something else.
Amy: 10:20
Yeah, yeah, that's sad.
Nick: 10:22
The other one I heard in there a lot of was a lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship, and we've talked about this before in a previous episode. But if you're a wife that's feeling like, oh, my husband just doesn't provide the emotional intimacy, and you seriously look at your relationship and you also see that sexual intimacy isn't there, if you will give your husband the sexual intimacy and it takes someone to give in and say, okay, I'm going to fight for our relationship to try to make this better, right, right. If you as a wife would try that and say, okay, I'm not getting the emotional intimacy I want and therefore I'm withholding the sexual intimacy, I'll bet you for a week, if you gave the sexual intimacy to your husband, I can almost guarantee that immediately you're gonna start getting the emotional intimacy.
Amy: 11:12
He's gonna step it up.
Nick: 11:13
He's gonna step it up because men generally don't feel comfortable providing the emotional intimacy unless the sexual intimacy needs are met, and so you know, I don't know about not feeling comfortable, but not being willing. Yeah or not, being willing in a lot of cases, correct yeah.
Amy: 11:28
And we're not saying I would never say that sexual intimacy comes before emotional intimacy. What he's saying is we're talking like a different level of emotional intimacy, Like the emotional intimacy, like the baseline of respect and love and trust and all those things always have to be there first. They are the bottom line, like that is number one. No woman is gonna wanna make love to their husband if they're not feeling those things first. We're talking about like the Next level. Next level emotional intimacy.
Nick: 11:56
Okay, I just wanna really be closer to my spouse, have these deep conversations.
Amy: 12:00
Like the romance and the passion, like those kind of things that come with the emotional intimacy. That's next level. That's gonna get stronger when you start prioritizing the sexual intimacy, because those two go hand in hand For sure, right.
Nick: 12:15
For sure. Yep, rejection. I think rejection is a huge reason why couples stop having sex. Getting back to the previous podcast, we did and some of the other ones, when a husband feels rejected, they get to the point to where rejection is so hard they would rather not even try than be rejected. And so if some of you women are out there, like you know, my husband just never tries or initiates anymore. Maybe it's because he's been rejected so often that he's feeling like I would. It's less painful just to not even try than be rejected constantly. We hear a lot of men that say I just I don't even try anymore because I've been rejected so many times. So, and as man, typically we are the ones that are the pursuers, we are the ones that are typically initiating for sexual intimacy. So if that stops, then you know like likely the sexual intimacy is stopping as well.
Amy: 13:14
I was just trying to think of like a example where, like so husband gets rejected sexually. But what would rejection to a woman feel like if she doesn't have a high libido? Like that's not higher in her priority list.
Nick: 13:29
What mean anything?
Amy: 13:29
No, but I'm saying, like, what would represent rejection to a woman? So maybe that would be lack of compliments. Your husband doesn't like treat you like he's attracted to you or that you're valuable, like maybe that would be rejection to a woman, right? So if you put yourself in other situations, so what if my husband made me feel like I was nothing and I wasn't pretty and I he wasn't into me, because that's more of an emotion, like we feel emotionally like oh, he's so in love with me, right? If you took that away and your husband just rejected you in those ways, it's going to crush you. And that's what how a husband feels when you sexually just reject him and he just feels crushed. He feels like you don't love me anymore, you don't want to be intimate with me, like that's a big part of why you got married was to have a passionate marriage with you. I'm just trying to like make an analogy, so there. Yeah, so when you reject him sexually, think about what kind of rejection hurts you.
Nick: 14:31
Exactly.
Amy: 14:32
Whatever that is Like. If Nick made me feel like he was just not into me anymore, I would feel super rejected, and so I guess my message for this is women, when your husband wants you sexually and he desires you sexually, take that as a compliment. He desires you. He doesn't desire anyone else. He loves you. He wants to be intimate with you. We need to stop thinking of it, as I just don't want you Like your husband wants you and we're not saying you can't reject him, but do it the right way.
Nick: 15:06
Say you know what, I'm just not feeling well tonight, or I'm not digging it tonight, but what about tomorrow? I would love to make love to you tomorrow. Or I mean, there's a right way to reject.
Amy: 15:17
If Nick came to me every day, I would have to reject him because I'm like I can't do that. I can't even do every other day, like that's not going to work for our marriage. But finding a healthy balance of whatever works and however many times that week works, like if you could give me a few days, then I'm really going to be able to be present for you because I think my body is going to be wanting it by then. So those conversations, those respectful conversations, are going to help in this area, right?
Nick: 15:44
Yep. Well, the next one is stress and anxiety, and this is kind of a tough one because I think for a lot of women, stress weakens their libido even more or their sex drive even more.
Amy: 15:58
And for men.
Nick: 15:59
A lot of times stress can strengthen their sex drive, like I know. For me there's been times where life is really stressful and like sex is the only way to get my mind off things and really connect with Amy.
Amy: 16:13
And I'm full on opposite, yeah.
Nick: 16:15
So that could be a real tough thing is when one spouse needs it for that stress relief and actually increases their desire, and for another spouse that even weakens the desire even more, and so obviously that can cause some conflict and some issues and for sure can cause couples to really stop having sex.
Amy: 16:37
So how do you fix that?
Nick: 16:39
I think you just have to talk about it. I mean, and you know, I know, in our marriage, when the stressful times had, we're really there. I mean, I think you know, trying to understand okay, how do we, how can we help with the stress, or help eliminate the stress, or get my your mind off things, or I don't have an answer. I really don't. I think every couple is different and every couple is going to handle it differently. But I think just having those conversations and saying, hey, here's, here's how I'm handling this stress, here's how my body's handling the stress here, how mentally I'm handling this stress, and understanding how your spouse feels as well, and trying to figure out how you can still connect with those stressful situations, because I think during the times of stress and Amy said this before that if we probably would have been divorced if it weren't for us connecting sexually during our stressful times right, so that's, that's a great example of why, in stressful situations, even need a more. So talk about things and and understand where each other are coming from and try to find that balance, because in reality, those stressful situations could could divide you even more.
Amy: 17:52
For sure and I'm going to take this topic a little more straight sexual. So, as a wife who has no libido and stress just makes that even worse Like it does right, like I already have zero, that's just gonna kill it. Like it's gone for me, like, if I'm stressed out, it's like, oh, I don't even know if I can get in the mood, like my mind's, like I'm really stressed out. So my solution and I know I've already shared this before is I have to think okay, this is important for our marriage, but tonight emotionally I don't know if I'm gonna like be there for you, but I'm gonna try my hardest. But physically, if you really want me to enjoy it, it's gonna have to be a lot more physical for me tonight, and that's okay. Like it doesn't always have to be it doesn't always have to be some emotional, physical uniting fire-homber, mind-blowing sex, yeah. Like sometimes it's like this is more for you tonight. I'm gonna do this more for you and I'm gonna try to be there as much mentally as I can, even though I got a lot on my mind. Now my solution to this and it took me 15 years and I know I've already shared this is the vibrator that we sell in our shop because that thing works so good that I can go from can't think about anything else than what's going on in our life to that feels so good right there that all that stuff just went by by Right. So sometimes my point is is sometimes sex doesn't have to be also encompassing every area of intimacy. Sometimes it can be just physical, and I told Nick that I said it's gonna be physical for me tonight. My mind is a disaster and that's okay.
Nick: 19:36
Yeah, well, and I wanna bring this up too, I know a long time ago we did a podcast and we did research and the whole purpose or the whole reason the vibrator was invented is for stress, depression and anxiety. Go research it, go, research it. So a vibrator to give a woman an orgasm it wasn't first invented as a sex toy, but that giving a woman an orgasm through the vibration a vibrator was designed and invented for stress, anxiety and depression. So if that doesn't tell you something like literally people, women, were getting that done to help with the stress and anxiety and depression which I didn't know.
Amy: 20:20
I was like what that's crazy.
Nick: 20:21
So yeah.
Amy: 20:22
so I mean, that is pretty crazy, it just shows that I'm living proof that, like your mind, could be a disaster, but if you hit the right spot and you actually feel good enough physically, that can take over the emotional stress that you're going through. Right, like there's physical proof for that. So we heard in one of the answers that my wife isn't willing to try toys, so for 15 years we didn't wanna bring one into our bedroom. We're like we don't need toys. It's only gonna be just us. I don't wanna rely on anything. I don't want anything to replace Nick. I don't wanna get addicted to something else.
Nick: 20:55
And I was worried about that too.
Amy: 20:56
Yeah, he was worried about too. We had these conversations and when we gave in, we set some healthy boundaries, like we're only gonna use it together, we're not gonna use it as a replacement. It's gonna be uniting and it has been such a great addition to our marriage. Well, for the, for to me. For to me because-.
Nick: 21:15
Actually to me too.
Amy: 21:16
Well to you too, because you don't have that stress of taking care of me. But I can't tell you the amount of stress it takes off me knowing that my mind can physically turn to straight pleasure, and physical instead of all emotional. Because there were times, there were so many times in our marriage where I was like there's no way I'm gonna be able to get there tonight. I'm just not gonna enjoy it. My mind's a disaster. I don't feel like that anymore. I can be the most stressed out person now. I'd be like, well, if I can't get there without it, I know that thing's gonna fix the situation really quick, right? So there's just some really big benefits. And so my entire point is when it comes to stress, it's a great solution and sex is really good for stress.
Nick: 22:01
If your mind isn't there, this tool can be really good, like Amy said, for most women, when their mind isn't there, they're done. But this can be a great tool to say, okay, my mind isn't there, but physically I can still get there. And one of the great things that I love about this like Amy and I, we use it all the time making love, not to give too much information, but one of the things that's awesome is as we use it during our love making. Amy has expressed how, oh, sex no longer just feels good for 20 seconds.
Amy: 22:35
now, sex feels good for minutes leading up to 10 minutes, or as much as we use it. Yeah, yeah, so I mean that's anyways.
Nick: 22:43
We're kind of getting a little bit off track, but that it's a great way to relieve stress. It's a great way, when your mind isn't there, to still be able to enjoy sexual intimacy, which also kind of pushes us into the next one, which is boredom.
Amy: 22:57
Boredom. No one wants to be bored. There's so many, you know what. It's really interesting, as I did some research on this and they say that women get bored.
Nick: 23:08
Quicker than men.
Amy: 23:08
Quicker than men. Did you know that?
Nick: 23:11
I totally believe it. I would, I would guess, to say that most men, if they were having sexual intimacy all the time they would be fine with missionary all the time yeah, I mean now. That doesn't mean that that's their priority, but they would be happy with that right, maybe let's say yeah. So, but I think you're right.
Amy: 23:30
I just thought it was interesting that women get more bored. Yet here we are always hearing that the women are the ones that are in control of when the couple has sex right. So if that's the case, boredom might be one of the reasons.
Nick: 23:47
Let's get some excitement back in the bedroom.
Amy: 23:49
Which is why we created everything that we have right To spice it up and make it fun. You've gotta try new things, and not just boredom in the bedroom, but boredom in life too. Like that, emotional intimacy is gonna be stronger when you're having fun together, when you're learning new things together, when you go new places together, when you have fun date nights together. Like that's part of romance that can't die either.
Nick: 24:12
Yeah. And the next one is punishment. I didn't fully understand this one till we have someone we knew that literally went years and years without good sexual intimacy, or very little to no sexual intimacy, because their spouse was punishing them for things that had happened before. And now you find out like, oh okay, they were literally not having sex out of punishment. And I think that happens to a lot of couples as well. Like things don't get resolved. Because they don't get resolved, there's no sexual intimacy in the marriage.
Amy: 24:52
So Obviously talk and resolve them. But talking or resolving, if you want a good marriage, you got to forgive like we got equipping stubborn. I think we're really stubborn in our day, don't you think? Yeah, I think so, I really do, and I'm not talking about things that are really hard to forgive, like, like infidelity stuff like that, like that's a whole nother subject.
Nick: 25:12
I know I cheated on you last week, but let's make love.
Amy: 25:15
Yeah, that's not gonna work. He's joke like that was a. Yeah, I'm joking.
Nick: 25:18
Yeah, yeah, I didn't really cheat on her, I'm not, I'm not sure and I was never.
Amy: 25:21
I would never put up with that. We're talking like little things, like you got to let those go. Part of marriage is forgiveness and moving on right. Yeah right we have to forgive or commander to forgive.
Nick: 25:34
Yeah. So you know, don't let these little things not Not saying they're all little, but don't let these things get in the way and keep you from having the sexual intimacy you want desire in your relationship. There's solutions to every one of these wait, you missed one. What did I miss?
Amy: 25:50
Oh self esteem.
Nick: 25:51
Oh, oh, self esteem. I'm sorry, I did that's huge, I I will share an experience of this. So like year two or three after we got married, I was putting on the LB's man. I gained weight, I was getting large and in charge and I I started to get kind of a low self confidence.
Amy: 26:11
I don't even notice, actually.
Nick: 26:13
How could you not notice?
Amy: 26:14
I didn't you show me like a picture a couple years later and you're like I look so much bigger.
Nick: 26:18
Oh, I literally didn't notice well, I, so I, I'm pretty confident, and this was before I went bald, so I was even more confident then. But I was like I seriously was. Like I looked at myself in the mirror and I'm like, uh, how is she wanting to make love to this? Like I'm, I'm not looking too good and I know for me, like sometimes I was like, oh, I almost got to the point where I was like Maybe sometimes embarrassed to make love, or Maybe you never knew this.
Amy: 26:46
No, you've never told me that. Oh, you kept that coming out podcast in front of tens of thousands of people.
Nick: 26:55
Yeah, so you know, low self-esteem can really play a role and, you know, also make you lose that desire as well. But again, getting back to it, I think there's solutions for all these things. All these things that, uh, sexual desire. Yeah, go ahead.
Amy: 27:13
You were gonna wrap it up, right you?
Nick: 27:15
No, I was gonna wrap up that part portion of it and turn the time over to you.
Amy: 27:19
Oh well, I'm gonna go back to that portion of low self-esteem there. How do I say this to all the women out there who have had babies? And your body is not the same. My heart goes out to you, but you are more beautiful now and your husband thinks you're Gorgeous like you guys birthed his children.
Nick: 27:45
You guys think that the husband wants this perfect woman. You are the perfect woman that your husband wants. That's why he's married to you.
Amy: 27:53
You've had babies. There's nothing more attractive. Like I've always looking like. Nick saw me in this, this woman soon it showed like just a little bit of my belly. He's like oh, I like that. I was like, no, I got stretch marks everywhere now and and he's like they're gorgeous. Like we, as women, have to embrace these imperfections. That's what makes us beautiful and human.
Nick: 28:15
Yeah, I mean after 20 your husband's attracted to that after 20 years. I was like dang, she is looking fine.
Amy: 28:22
I don't think. Compliments my wrinkles under my eyes. He's like you're aging. It's beautiful, it's beautiful.
Nick: 28:29
Yeah, so I'm married. That's what I'm in love with, we're aging together, so compliment your husband's thank you. Your husband's think you are the most beautiful woman in the world.
Amy: 28:40
They really do so if you don't think that, then go have this conversation with them. It'd be like you. I need to know that. I need you to tell me that. I need you to compliment me more. I, if you don't feel desirable and that's what's throwing off good sexual intimacy just pull out all the vulnerability and go have that conversation because I guarantee you, by the end of it you're gonna be like oh, I didn't realize that he felt like this. He's just not good with words, maybe. Yeah, right.
Nick: 29:09
Yeah, for sure.
Amy: 29:10
Just talk about it Like let those insecurities out, like Nick didn't do, like Nick should have told me those things.
Nick: 29:15
Like Nick didn't do exactly, do the up.
Amy: 29:21
Do not as.
Nick: 29:21
I say not as I do, or did or yeah.
Amy: 29:26
If you have any sort of insecurities, your spouse should be the first person that you go to. Like you should feel comfortable enough to tell your spouse why you're feeling that.
Nick: 29:35
Dude, I'm a rip stud now. Well, I'm not ripped, but you're not ripped, but you're still still stud. I'm still stud, yeah, you're still stud.
Amy: 29:45
So a lot of these reasons rejection, resentment, boredom, punishment, distractions, just all these things we've expanded on in other podcast episodes. So if there's one that stands up to your like, I could really use help on that one. That one's definitely a barrier to our sexual intimacy. We probably have dove into it even deeper before.
Nick: 30:09
For sure.
Amy: 30:09
Right.
Nick: 30:10
For sure. So yeah, go listen to the other podcast episodes we have, and we really appreciate you listening. We love getting your feedback. Please feel free to leave us a review. Also, shoot us an email. Let us know what you're thinking If we missed anything and any podcast topics that we haven't covered, that you want to hear us talk about. So and also check out our shop, shopultimateintimacycom. We got some great products, including that vibrator. That has been a game changer for us, like the reason why we sell it. It literally has just transformed our marriage and our sexual intimacy. It's been awesome and takes a lot of pressure off of me as a husband.
Amy: 30:51
And you can. Just, you can just use it on the outside For those of you we've had some husbands write us and it'll be like it's too large for my wife, it hurts my wife. Use it on the outside, Like that's literally the best way to use it. You don't even have to put on the inside.
Nick: 31:11
Yeah, you're so true. And you know, amy and I, I'm telling you like we were really nervous or really against like that those kinds of things for a while. We were really hesitant about selling these types of products, just because we ourselves have never really used them. And what have you? I'm telling you like these are game changers and so many of you out there listening it could be a game changer for your marriage, for your wife's pleasure, for the sexual intimacy in your relationship. It really is an amazing product and we would encourage you to give it a try if you feel comfortable doing so, because it really will help in your sexual intimacy.
Amy: 31:52
And remember that strong emotional intimacy is always the first step and key to having great sexual intimacy in your marriage.
Nick: 32:03
For sure. So until next time, we hope you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.