11 Years Sober

Episode 143: 11 Years Sober

In episode 143 of the Sober Vibes podcast, host Courtney Andersen is eleven years sober and shares her insights into eleven lessons she has learned in her sobriety. Sharing these lessons will also help you in your journey as they are ones you can start applying today.  Courtney also opened up about the celebration of her 11th year of sobriety, which coincided with the release of my book - "Sober Revives: A Guide to Thriving in Your First Three Months Without Alcohol." 
 
What you will learn in this episode:

• 11 lessons learned 
• How to apply them to your life 
• Keeping humble during the process of sobriety 

Thank you for listening.

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Transcript

Courtney Andersen: 0:32

Hey, welcome to the sober vives podcast. I am your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. This is episode 143. Today, I am talking about 11 lessons I have learned in the last 11 years of my sobriety. That is right. By the time this podcast is out and you are listening to it, I have turned 11 years old. My anniversary date is August 18th. 2012 was when I quit drinking and I have not had a motherfucking drop to drink of alcohol since 2012. 11 years, 11 fucking years. I can't believe it.

Courtney Andersen: 1:14

And this day this week, I just always, always, always, stay humble, count my blessings and take me back to where I was drinking. I remember this, and this is a practice I use since becoming sober, of always remembering what that looked like if I chose to have one drink, because that one drink would lead me to about 100, you know or lead me back to where I eventually started. So that remember to use that practice going forward. This day always makes me emotional too, because, you know, I definitely would not be here today if I continued to drink alcohol, and I just thank the universe for intervening that day with my then boo, matthew who is not my husband and me losing my cat like real POS for the second time and just being sick and tired and extremely exhausted at 29 of the shame and guilt cycle and I was presented with a choice. I was presented with losing my cat for the second time and, like I said then, with me of the universe stepping in and being like, okay, it's time to do this dance, it's time to do this goddamn thing, and you're going to do it and you're going to do life without alcohol and let's see where this goes. Also, big news of this week, because again I have said that I like to stay humble around this time and you have to continue to stay humble in your sobriety, and this week in particular, I won't cry. Okay, I won't cry.

Courtney Andersen: 3:03

My book is out in the world and my book is out, it's so Revives a guide to thriving in your first three months without alcohol. That published to the world on the 15th and again, it's no surprise that the universe delivered that book to be out the same week. I turned 11, because originally this book was supposed to be published in the springtime and then, with a little bit of some setbacks, I got the publishing date. I'm like, huh, all right, continue to keep it humbled and keep on trucking. If you have not grabbed my book yet, so Revives a guide to thriving in your first three months without alcohol. Wink, wink people. Then grab it today. The link is in the show notes. It's on Amazon. You can order from Amazon Barnes Noble. You can go to my website, courtneyrecoveredcom, and there's more places to order the book from where books are sold.

Courtney Andersen: 3:59

Okay, so even if you're past that point and just you love listening to the show and you want to support the show and see how I am as a writer, grab yourself a copy, because a lot of people have grabbed themselves a copy of what I love. They're like I mean, they're going to give it to a sponze. I had a girl told me that she was going to go drop it off at the sober house that she lived at a couple of years ago. If you just never know, if you need this book to give to somebody who is struggling in their journey today. So, on today's episode, like I said, I'm going to break down 11 lessons I have learned in my sobriety over the last 11 years of what has continued to help me on the sober road with long-term sobriety, because that's what everybody always wants to do. It's like well, how do you have you stayed sober this long? Eventually it just becomes a part of a way of life. Okay, but number one One day at a time, y'all Keep it 100 with, honestly, just staying focused in that day. And as easy it is to future trip, reel it back, reel it back and just keep it focused on that day. You're not always gonna be reel it back, but I want you to have my voice in your head saying reel it back when you start future trip in five years on the road. You just it's unnecessary and it's going to create so much fucking anxiety for you. It's insane. So just take it one day at a time, because that's all you're currently living in is today.

Courtney Andersen: 5:37

Number two you have to always respect your sobriety Always. Myself, when the little dictator was born, I took myself. Obviously I had to be taken out of my day-to-day that I still use today to help me on my sobriety journey. Okay, because it's just a part of my life now. But when I got taken out of my norm day-to-day then I started to disrespect it. Right, and I have heard and seen others where once they start respecting that process, then that eventually can lead to relapse. So respect the practices you do day in, day out to keep you sober. I know some days are going to be like this is fucking like Groundhog Day, my Bill Murray, what's going on? And you just have to keep rolling with it. So keep respecting your sobriety, whatever that is for you, and once you don't stop respecting it, keep going.

Courtney Andersen: 6:39

Number three stay motherfucking humble. Stay humbled Because when you ever sometimes think and this is where we all have egos but when, if that ego ever comes up and it's like bitch, you got this. Yes, you do to a point, but you can't ever let that bad part of the ego really just continue to take over and tell you you can continue to get it and that you got this and because you don't know what the future brings. So you have to keep it humble and remember where you came from, even if you have 25 years in this. Keep remembering where you came from, because when you do remember that process, I'm not saying to live back there, but where you remember what the shit you did in your act of addiction, in your act of drinking days, in your act of alcohol use disorder, whatever you consider yourself may be, with that relationship with alcohol, where it fucking took you and it can easily take you there again. Stay humble.

Courtney Andersen: 7:54

Number four stop comparing yourself to others. I've had to learn this one with other things, but like and especially to in this postpartum, like experience that I've been going through and other people's postpartums a while ago, I had to be like do cut the shit, okay. So stop comparing yourself to others. You don't know what people go through behind closed doors, right? You don't know what somebody else's sobriety journey looks like, what type of support they have around them. Are they on medication? Are they not on medication? Is that something that's helping them? Stay in your lane, keep your blinders on and just fucking focus on yourself. Stop comparing.

Courtney Andersen: 8:36

Number five stop assuming. Okay, this is a good one. That assumption can lead you down that rabbit hole, right? Even though you might be like I have this feeling, okay, but it doesn't mean that your feeling is always true and then that's what somebody else thinks, okay. So stop assuming and I swear, once you stop assuming and continuing this practice, you will feel so much better. You will feel like there's like an elephant off of your chest, because that assumption again takes you down a thinking rabbit hole, where then it can lead into bitterness and resentfulness and be like, yeah, that fucking bitch, you know stuff like that. I've done this, this is what I'm saying. These are all lessons I've learned in the past 11 years to take with me each day to continue my silver journey and just make myself a better person. So, with the assumption, you have to stop assuming Nobody is a mind reader right, nobody's a mind reader. Also, you can't expect people that assumption to you, can't assume that a person knows what you're thinking. Verbalize it, talk through it, communicate.

Courtney Andersen: 9:55

Number six stop expecting from others. This one's a hard one to deal, but with practice and time you'll get this one down. Stop expecting. Drop all of expectations. You've heard this a lot on this podcast before, and my sister and I talk about it a lot on the Living, on the LH series. But you have to stop expecting from others, because when you expect and people don't deliver, who gets hurt? You do. Who gets resentful? You do? You think these pricks are hurt by you? Absolutely not, because they're probably not expecting much, so you don't expect much either. Drop expectations.

Courtney Andersen: 10:37

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Courtney Andersen: 11:06

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Courtney Andersen: 12:30

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Courtney Andersen: 14:07

Hey, I would love to share with you something that I think could work great for you. Imagine you just got sober. You're working your program, checking in with a recovery sober coach, checking in with your sponsor, maintaining your employment and thriving. Now imagine none of your closest friends or family believe you. This is why I'm sharing this, because early on in my sobriety there was a couple of times Matt didn't believe that I was sober.

Courtney Andersen: 14:36

So much trust is lost during active addiction and it can be hard to convince loved ones that things are different, that you're different. This is where SoberLink can help. Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system is designed to help you sustain a sober lifestyle while rebuilding trust with loved ones. Small enough to fit in your purse or pocket and discreet enough to use in public, soberlink devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection and real-time results, so friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals. As a sober coach, I really can't think of a better tool to maintain accountability, strengthen community, improve sobriety to loved ones. Now you might be thinking like, do I really need this? And honestly, it's different for everybody. I know quite a few people who have had to use this or something like this to prove to their spouses and or family members that they are sober. This does not just affect the person who is the drinker I mean. A lot of damage happens during your active addiction and accountability needs to take place, and with this tool, you can show that. Let's make 2023 a memorable one. Please visit wwwsoberlinkcom forward slash sober dash vibes to sign up and receive $50 off your device. The link is in the show notes. Check it out. If you do get this device, please feel free to reach out and let me know how it has helped you in your sober journey.

Courtney Andersen: 16:25

Number seven listen to your body as your compass. Your body now has to be like your North Star. And when I say your body, those feelings that come up, the feelings like you know what? I probably should not go out tonight because I just started my period. I already have anxiety, you know, because the first couple of days of your period, it's like the world is doom and gloom. I have anxiety. I just don't think I should be out tonight, right? Or just even if you're not on your, you're not menstruating and you still have that feeling that comes up like, yeah, I probably shouldn't go. I'm feeling triggered. I'm really feeling like a drink sounds good. My soul's telling me not to go. Don't go. Listen to your body. Listen to your body, too, when you get that feeling towards somebody. If those red flags start coming up. Don't ignore them. Do not ignore them.

Courtney Andersen: 17:25

Number eight learn from your failures. So, if you have relapsed, if you have had a couple of bumps in the road, learn from them. What can you do differently going forward? Right, if you have emotionally been an asshole and you are sober and you are now raging on people because your emotions are very high still, then learn from that. Did you feel good reacting to somebody like that? Is there something you want to change? Do you want to handle the situation differently next time? Do you maybe not want to rage, text somebody because that doesn't make you feel good? Was there something in your job where you handled a situation where you walked away and being like I don't feel good about me, because those failures of whatever you're experiencing are going to help you also become a better person and learn from those mistakes.

Courtney Andersen: 18:28

Failures are good, especially, too, with the relapse. They're a good thing when it comes to if you reflect, if you choose to, because not a lot of people like to choose to. So if you choose to reflect and be like, okay, I put myself in a situation of going out way too early, I need to stop at this point. I need to stop going out for maybe 30 days. I'm not saying being a recluse in your home, I'm just saying socially, stop for about 30 days and realign yourself right and then even, too, by listening to your body, of it being that North Star, that guiding compass of listening to it, then it will help you prevent these relapses. So learn from your failures. Whatever your failure you think is right, I've had plenty of failures in the past 11 years, whether it's business decisions, whether it's putting my trust into people I shouldn't have put my trust in, and a lot of those things. It's like the signs were there, right. You have to learn from it, to grow through them and have yourself grow as a human being.

Courtney Andersen: 20:11

use it doesn't have to be all serious. Like I said, this stuff doesn't have to be doom and gloom. Man.

Courtney Andersen: 20:17

Number 10, do the things that make you feel good. Each day. When you feel better, you are less likely going to be like. You know what I really want to drink, because after you get some time under your belt and you start feeling good and you continue to remember where drinking took you, then, in those situations where you do have a craving or trigger comes up, you're like no man, I don't want to turn to alcohol because I don't want to keep showing up like that. This isn't the way I want to show up anymore in my life. So I know where alcohol leads me and I feel good. I'm like 60 days in, I'm 100 days in, I'm three years in, like I just don't want to go back to that place.

Courtney Andersen: 21:07

And doing these things that I've been doing each day have made me feel good, and not drinking alcohol is one of them, and number 11, the biggest lesson I have learned in the past 11 years of my sobriety is take the motherfucking pause. Stop compulsively reacting. This is where I'm talking to you about emotions, okay, but also to where emotions will lead you to drinking If you've had a bad day we all have bad days and it's immediately like I'm gonna act upon this bad day and go reach for the bottle. Take the pause and seriously consider what that is going to look like that in the next 24 to 48 hours, if you are feeling a certain type of way of how a text came in from your sister or partner, whoever and you have always been reactive take the pause because you do not have to respond to anybody. Take the pause, think about what you want to say for 24 hours. Write out that text message, then delete it, but you do not have to act upon anything. Take the pause, drink a Dr Pepper and think about it. Think how this will play out. Think how what you want to put your energy into. Do you want to get into a text-messing, pissing match because a text rubbed you the wrong way? That goes back to assuming that that was the intention behind the person on the other side of the text message. Take the pause. People Taking the pause will help you in the long run of feeling better, and that is what we want in this life is to continue to feel better and better and better.

Courtney Andersen: 23:15

I have had to take the pause many times. That's why I believe in meditation and I believe that meditation has helped me in the past seven years of doing it of to not be fucking reactive. I've stated this many times. My sister one time looked at me and she was like what happened to you? I said what do you mean, sissy? She's like well, you're not reactive anymore. I said, oh well, thank you. I've been meditating. Simple, because it helps, and I can't say it enough the sooner you start meditation, the better you will be in the long run.

Courtney Andersen: 23:58

So take the pause and just chill and think about it and think how that is going to pan out for you in the next couple of days and always ask yourself how do I want to show up in this life? Do you want to continue to be a reactive person and fly off the handle, or is that something you want to start working on and maybe talking to a therapist if you have any type of issues underlining more of where that reactiveness comes from, and even to just processing your motions. Right, we all need help and there is no shame in the therapy game. I love it. I've loved all my therapist until I fired the one who suggested for me to quit drinking, but I love them all. So thank you all for therapy, for my therapist, for helping me through these years since I was a teen. All right, those are my 11 lessons that I have learned in the past 11 years and how I applied them to myself.

Courtney Andersen: 25:03

And this is stuff. Everything that I share on here and in the community of the Supervised Community in my book is all stuff that I have lived myself and continue to do. I have to take the pause with the dictator or I have to like woo, saw it out, man, because you just got to breathe it out and think about it before you react. I want to say thank you so much for continuing to listen to this podcast, for continuing to support me in my sober journey and for buying the Sober Vibes book. I really, really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I love this community so much. I love all of you listeners when you reach out to me and mean so world, because I love being able to connect with others and get a face behind the listeners and listen to your stories. So I really appreciate that. You know you can always email me sobervives at gmailcom or sign into my DMs, please, on Instagram. That is where I party the most out of these bajillion apps, as always.

Courtney Andersen: 26:20

Just take a look in the link in the show notes. There's all of the free resources. There's a fixed community. You can join at any time. That is a paid community. It's $35 a month. You can cancel at any time, but there's meetings in there and there's lots of personal development. Book club is in there and then if you need one-on-one coaching, I am available. You just have to apply to work with me and we can find you a program that would work best for you. All right, I love you guys all very much. Thank you for tuning in today. If you haven't, please rate, review and subscribe to the show. Those ratings help the podcast as well. And make sure you check out all the sponsors for the month of August. Thank you so much. Keep on truckin'.