The Dilemma of Drinking Moderately: A Sober Perspective

Episode 146: The Dilemma of Drinking Moderately: A Sober Perspective

In episode 146 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen shares her perspective on moderation drinking and how she believes people who have AUD can not go back to it. Have you ever been beguiled by that little voice inside your head whispering, "maybe you don't have a problem with alcohol?" Or toyed with the idea of reintroducing drinking in moderation after a stint of sobriety? You're not alone, and in this episode, we shine a spotlight on this precarious narrative. We delve into the complex terrain of moderation in sobriety, discussing why it's a loaded dice for most individuals grappling with alcohol issues.

What you will learn in this episode:

• Courtney's Perspective on Moderation
• Self Sabotage 
•  Your life has changed because you quit drinking 
• Is alcohol worth the risk?

This is Part ONE of a Two-Part episode. 

Thank you for listening.

Reviews help the show. Please rate, Review, and Subscribe to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Thank you to our Sponsors.

As a show listener, you get exclusive discounts from our Sponsor. Make sure to check them out and support the show. SOBERLINK, click here to shop and save $50 on your device.  Listen to episode 115 to learn more about Soberlink.

As a show listener, you receive 20% off your order with EXACT NATURE. Make sure to check them out and support the show. EXACT NATURE, click here to shop and save 20% off with code "SV20." Free shipping on all orders!  Please listen to episode 129 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.

To Connect with Courtney:
Follow Sober Vibes on Instagram
8-week Coaching Program-Next Level Sober Support
BREAKTHROUGH-30 Day Text/Email Support
The Ultimate Guide to Sobriety e-book
Join the women-only Sober Vibes Facebook group
Grab your Free 30-Day Sober Not Boring Calendar
Grab your Free Sober Routine Checklist
Free Workshop Series
Free Mocktail Menu
Order Sober Vibes Book
Come join the Fix, meetings/personal development

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

MUSIC. Hey, welcome to the Sovervives podcast. I am your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 146 and today's episode is going to be a chat about moderation. So I hope you are all. First of all, welcome to September. We are here. If you're listening to this episode in real time, we are here. This episode is out on September 7th.

Speaker 1: 1:01

I hope everyone had a wonderful, kick-ass summer. I hope you enjoyed the heat this summer and all that sunshine to soak it up before these winter months come. And if you're new here, I live in Pure Michigan, so come January 2nd to May 1st it's the Pizzapel. It's really the gray days. I can do the cold. It's the continuous gray days where you just don't feel good after a while. The older I get, the more and more and more I understand the whole snowbird philosophy, but you did not click press play on this show today to talk about the weather.

Speaker 1: 1:52

What we are going to talk about is moderation, okay, and this has come up quite a bit and also too, if you have been listening to this podcast for a while, you know if something comes up, then it's like let's talk about it, especially in these solo episodes, and I also talk about this in my book. If you have not gotten my book yet, wink Wink, silver Vibes a guide to thriving in your first three months without alcohol, which I want to say to everybody who has gotten a book so far. Thank you for supporting me. I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. It means the world when you have reached out to me on Insta to be like, oh, I got your book, or you've reached out to tell me that, how it's currently helping you, or just the fact that a couple of you have reached out and told me that I'm a good writer. So, thank you. I really really do appreciate it and, like I said, I just hope it helps you in your journey. So grab your copy. You can visit my website, courtney recoveredcom Courtney recoveredcom, where you can visit the link in the show notes, and it will have the direct link there as well. Also, too. Just an update about the book too. I have to say this If you are in Canada and ordered, because in Canada it should have shipped out on August 15th when it went out, it was going out to US and Canada, but there was some problems with Amazon, with the warehouse, and they are delayed because they are waiting for more copies. So Amazon, if certain parts of Canada, if you order from Amazon, it's on its way. If you live outside of Canada, in the US, it will be shipped to you. They're shipping mid-September, okay, so I believe it was like September 16th and then like September 25th. Look like shipping days internationally, outside of Canada, in the US. So thank you for being patient. But I wanted to add that to you in case you're like where the hell is my book and you're living in the UK. It's coming, I promise. I promise it's coming. So getting in. That's enough about that.

Speaker 1: 4:05

Getting into today's podcast episode, it is about moderation. I'm going to reference the book here. First, in the book around 60 days, the second month, I talk about how there is a little voice inside your head. I used to always call it my addictive self. Okay, it was like the devil. It was the devil inside me. You got the devil inside me, right?

Speaker 1: 4:33

If you have that little voice and you've been on this road of sobriety over, you know you've been on the road of sobriety and every couple of months it's like then there's a bump in the road. Or you've gotten a couple of years, then there's a bump in the road right, or if you are on week one and this is your fifth week one, right Around 60 days, there is a little voice inside of you that then starts talking about how you did not have a problem, okay, and how you have now gone on to 60 days and like, look, I don't have a problem, I can control this. Blah, blah, blah, blah and you're probably shaking your head in your car listening to this right now, like, yeah, I know what this bitch is talking about. That is where you have to dig deeper into the fact of remembering your why, getting extra support, whatever support looks like to you, right, digging into more of your recovery tools and understanding. No, I cannot give into this little bitch. I can't get it in. I cannot give into it because every time I have given into this, it has always led me back to where I started.

Speaker 1: 5:59

This is why I do not believe in moderation drinking For people who have, who already have a problem with alcohol. Now could there be a small, small, small percentage of people who end up moderating? I'm sure, but it is a very after they have a problem, but it's a very small percentage and that also takes on it also, too for that type of person that is a very, very disciplined person, I believe. Okay, recently I had a guest who talked about moderation, had been sober for a couple years and then moderated. And I'm not here to shame anybody, nor can I sit here and tell you, don't fucking do it, but I'm going to. But you know what I mean. Like I'm not a person. If you were to come back to me and be like, oh, courtney, you know I'm actually one of those people. To prove you wrong, great, good, good. Or if somebody has a slip up, I don't judge.

Speaker 1: 6:57

I talked about that too in an episode where it's like you always have I think the title was you always have a non-judgmental friend in me Because you have to figure out where alcohol works in your life. But for the majority and I'm talking with my hands here, people but for the majority of people who have already had the problem with alcohol, it doesn't go back to where it started, where it was once this warm and fuzzy feeling and like fun, where you could have two to three drinks and then that was it for you for for the two weeks. Also, too, at that 60 day mark, you know, and this might actually this could show up a year from now. It could show up two years from now where that voice comes and around that mark, where that little bitch voice comes in. That is also a time to figure out what the fuck the self-sabotage is. Okay, I had somebody ask me this a couple weeks ago on Instagram and that's another one I always do. I do an Ask Me Anything Monday on Instagram, so if you're not following me on Instagram, follow me. That's the one social media I party with the most, because I just like Instagram.

Speaker 1: 8:18

You guys and this person had asked me said I always get to a point where I'm feeling good and then I end up messing up. Then I end up going back to drinking, which is not even messing up, it's a bump in the road, okay. And I said to this person I said well, then you need to figure out why you don't feel like you deserve to feel good, or feeling good is uncomfortable to you, right? Because when we are uncomfortable, we often turn to the alcoholic beverage to numb that feeling because we don't know what to do with it. It's like oh my God, good heavens, I feel too good. This feels fucking uncomfortable. I want out. I want to crawl out of my skin. But there's going to be days in subriety where you do feel like you want to crawl out of your skin Because you are changing a behavior that you were involved in for a very long time.

Speaker 1: 9:20

You know, recently in the fix I had a woman who celebrated a huge milestone in so many days sober, which is amazing, but she had put in this post too. I'm mad at myself for still having a craving because she was put into a situation where it was going back to the past and being around certain people where that's all they did back years ago and then being reunited with them. So it was like, yeah, this is an association. You used to drink all the time at this particular place with these people. You're going to have associations like that and she pushed through, which is amazing. She continued to remember her why, and just like doing the next right thing of not drinking. But nobody should be mad at themselves in this road and in this process that there's going to be certain places and people and things that you are going to be around, of that you associate with drinking, and where you're going to be in that environment and be like, oh man, cocktail really sounds good right now. This is what I fucking did with these losers. I'm just saying they're probably not losers. I say that with love.

Speaker 1: 10:44

Okay, so it was an association. You can have these feelings for many, many years of your sobriety and it does not make you a bad person. I also talked about that in my book, where it's okay to feel this thing, it's okay to miss alcohol in the association and not want it back in your life. Because still at the end of the day and some fucking troll again trolled me on this past weekend and I was giving tips I don't know how I was giving tips how to get through Labor Day weekend, like three tips on how to push you past this weekend. Okay, so then of course, this motherfucker told me that I should try real recovery and that that was romanticizing to drink and I'm like I couldn't even go into it with this guy. I didn't have the energy. The dictator turned two. We had a wonderful weekend, but like you're going to romanticize it, that is a natural fucking emotion when you had so many years of embedded and engulfed and entangled in this love affair with this fucking substance, where you put so much emotional dependence on it. Okay, so going into all of that if you already have the problematic relationship with alcohol where you are today.

Speaker 1: 12:10

This is going into the moderation of tying the theme all together in this podcast episode. That's where you have to say, like, okay, I'm a year in, I'm a year in without drinking. Could I go back to moderation? Could I reintroduce alcohol into my life? Or is this just something that I'm better off without? Because if I reintroduce it, am I going to start? Do I even want to risk it? Like, am I going to go back to where I started? And because you are, so you are a healthier person a year after giving up drinking, absolutely, do you want to revert back to that? And again, I can't sit here and slap your wrist to be like, no, no, no, you are a grown individual and you have to figure that out by yourself. But I'm telling you as a person who has had 11 years of sobriety, these thoughts have come into my head as well. Good people of the world, I have thought about it, but then I'm like I don't even want to fucking risk it, because I know myself too well where I might just like if I get a taste of that, I might just run with it. I want to share with you today about a new product that I love.

Speaker 1: 13:40

Sober Vives in Exact Nature have a shared mission helping you get sober and thrive. Exact Nature's healthy, all-natural CBD products can help. They're made for changes in mood, focus, cravings and sleep that can be a part of getting sober. Created by a father and son, both in addiction recovery, they know these challenges firsthand and have created a line of products to amplify the hope in your journey. Exact Nature offers oils, soft gels, gummies and creams. Detox for cravings, serenity for calm and focus, and Zs for better sleep. There are thousands of CBD products on the market, but only Exact Nature's are made for those of us in recovery. I'm a big fan of the serenity.

Speaker 1: 14:28

For 20% off your order. Use code SV20 for 20% off your order at ExactNaturecom. That is E-X-A-C-T-N-A-T-U-R-Ecom. The link will also be in the show notes below. You can use that code now and all year long. It's time to start feeling your best self, and you can learn more at ExactNaturecom. Again, the link is in the show notes. I strongly recommend CBD to help you along your sobriety and recovery journey. Exact Nature now offers free shipping on all orders.

Speaker 1: 15:14

Hey, I would love to share with you something that I think could work great for you. Imagine you just got sober. You're working your program, checking in with a recovery sober coach, checking in with your sponsor, maintaining your employment and thriving. Now imagine none of your closest friends or family believe you. This is why I'm sharing this, because early on in my sobriety there was a couple of times Matt didn't believe that I was sober. So much trust is lost during active addiction and it can be hard to convince loved ones that things are different, that you're different. This is where sober link can help. Sober links remote alcohol monitoring system is designed to help you sustain a sober lifestyle while rebuilding trust with loved ones. Small enough to fit in your purse or pocket and discreet enough to use in public, sober link devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection and real time results, so friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals.

Speaker 1: 16:19

As a sober coach, I really can't think of a better tool to maintain accountability, strengthen community, improve sobriety to loved ones. Now you might be thinking like do I really need this? And honestly, it's different for everybody. I know quite a few people who have had to use this or something like this to prove to their spouses and or family members that they are sober. This does not just affect the person who is the drinker, I mean. A lot of damage happens during your active addiction and accountability needs to take place, and with this tool, you can show that. Let's make 2023 a memorable one. Please visit wwwsoberlinkcom forward slash sober dash vibes to sign up and receive $50 off your device. The link is in the show notes. Check it out. If you do get this device, please feel free to reach out and let me know how it has helped you in your sober journey.

Speaker 1: 17:31

I might just run with that and I don't want to risk all of how I felt, the person I have become, what I have built with a family, what I have built with a business. I don't want that all coming crashing down because I thought I could quote unquote handle it. And that is where the bad, that, that ego you have to keep putting in check. Yes, ego is good, yes, ego is bad, and there's a bad side of your ego and a good side to it, and it's that thing where you just have to be like is it worth it? Is this substance really worth all what I have just put myself through of quitting drinking alcohol and then having to go back to start from the very beginning and that's where my answer is like fuck no, fuck no, and a lot of people too.

Speaker 1: 18:28

I've said this repeatedly too on all of these episodes there's now 146 episodes of this podcast was just mind boggling, where I don't have it in me to start at day one again. It was too tiring, way too tiring and exhausting. That first year and the moderation thing too, I want to say, is like you are going to keep growing and evolving in your sobriety and I think you should focus on that and seeing who you become, as you know, and focus on that and seeing who you become, rather than being like okay, can I reintroduce this in my life, because there's a power still of alcohol on over you, honestly, emotionally, wise, of like, and even to being in our society of like. Why are you, and questioning it, having it back in your life after your, you know, a year or two or three sober? What is the point now? It does not smell good, it does not taste good, Like it's you, it just it doesn't. And again, I bartended, I know, like popping open a bottle of red wine disgusting, disgusting, and my friend Leah will tell you the same thing, like smelling these alcohols when you're sober and in the restaurant industry it's like blah, blah.

Speaker 1: 20:01

So is it even worth it to go back to where you started and how alcohol played a part. Trust me when I say when I left that restaurant industry, I didn't go back till three years after I got sober. Okay, and in those first three years I did think about that, where I was like, well, was it more? Just my environment Like now that I'm not working in the industry where I got fucked up a lot like could I be able to handle it? And every time I thought of that then it was like, no, I don't think so. All right, like I said, I don't want to risk it. I just don't want to risk it and I don't think that's a bad fear to live in.

Speaker 1: 20:50

I think there are some fears that you live in as a person, like, yeah, I don't want to go back to that drinking, where that's a good fear to be, because life is better without alcohol. And I guarantee you that so many people before us for decades upon decades, who had to get sober and wanted to get sober and live a sober life, probably have always thought that, because it now comes back down to the addict brain, the personalities we have. So I just I really think for the community of who listens to the Sober Vibes podcast and this is who I'm talking to, because I know my audience very well I don't think moderation is for you, I really don't, and I will stand by those words. And again, like I said, you can come and prove me wrong, no problem, I'm always up for that. I proved your wrong. There's no, there's no shame in my game when it comes to to, to that. But I just wouldn't even want any of you to risk it of going back to where you started.

Speaker 1: 22:07

If you are in those first couple of months and that thought's going to come up a lot, a lot. Especially, you get 30 days, you get six days, you get 90 days, you got 120 days, and so on and so on. You know it's it's, it's going to come up. It is going to come up and it's going to take some time. There's a couple of your process in this. I really think early sobriety is the first five years, because so much happens to you and you grow as a person in life, changes and it's a lifestyle change, and then there's clarity you have to wake up to and shit you have to realize that was not cool of your actions and a healing process and and relationships chains and all of that jazz. It takes time. Don't beat yourself up if you're still having triggers with alcohol or still missing it. It's your human being and it's okay to miss alcohol, but not when it back in your life.

Speaker 1: 23:08

So again, the moderation thing. I just think that moderation comes for people who don't. That's how people who don't have drinking problems Drank. They drink quote unquote, normal, where a moderation could be one to two drinks for them a month and that's it. That is it. So I hope this episode helps. Today I'm going to leave it like that and I just want you to think about that, because nowadays it's with the language out there and everyone, including myself, have their own perspective of it. I just think people need to be careful with what is said because, again, we all have our own, everybody. That's why, in my book too, it's tailored for you of what you have to decide what's best for you. And again, I don't know what everybody's day to day is like or how much you've been drinking or same thing. All you guys know is that the dictator rules my life on a daily basis now for the past two years, which is great, but with support around you and all of that, and plus, too, I know so many women who've come to me especially with coaching and one on one coaching it's. I've tried this and tried this and I do end up back to the same place and alcohol just no longer works for my system, whether you are on one extreme of the spectrum or the other where it's just like no, I mean, I just have a mild case of anxiety. I have a good friend and she is currently reading my book and just doing she's just taking it. She's like I'm going to see for three months. She's not a problem drinker, but it's to the point in her life where she was like she's like I just, you know, I have a couple drinks and I feel terrible the next day and then it makes me make bad decisions with whether to exercise or not. I make bad food decisions. I then, you know, feel like a shitty mom for not like being fully present with my kids the next day because I have a hangover from three drinks. So she's like I'm just trying to figure out where alcohol stands in my life, you know, and that is okay. And for some people, just you know, again, going to it, some people cannot moderate drinking and I believe it at that. I'm not a person. I don't even want to mess with the idea of moderation drinking, even to this day. When people ask me what might like recommend a good NA wine. I'm not knocking any NA wines there, but I've had NA wines where I'm like this is too close to home, I don't want to drink this for me, right, but I'm okay with the beer or the mocktails, like I'm okay with that. That's why I always say too if they don't trigger you enjoy them, but if they do, don't feel like you have to continue to drink them. So again, the moderation thing. I just wanted to touch base on this, because this has been coming up a lot lately, and just just keep trucking forward without alcohol. I hope this podcast episode helped you.

Speaker 1: 26:46

Today it is National Recovery Month, so celebrate it, post about it. If you want to post about it, send love to those people who are in recovery. Remember September 14th is National Sober Day. Celebrate that day, please. If you're going to post on social media, use the hashtag National Sober Day and tag me, because I always love reading people celebrating about their sobriety.

Speaker 1: 27:13

My calendar is open again for one-on-one coaching, so if that is something that you have been thinking about, the time is now to continue or start your sober journey.

Speaker 1: 27:26

From now to the rest of the year, you can fill out the application below that says work with me, or apply to work with me, and that will be in the links in the show now. Or reach out to me on Instagram and we can have a chat about that. Once you apply, then we do hop on a Zoom call and you do get a free consult call, and I have many different programs. I have a new program that's actually going to come out in October, but I won't announce that till October. So right now I am taking new one-on-one clients and spots are limited, because when I work with somebody I like to be able to. I give a lot of my time and energy, so that's why I only do a select few each month. Okay, if you need any free resources, links are in the show notes and make sure to check out the sponsors this month. They're great and we'll see you on the next episode. Stay healthy out there and keep on truckin'.