LOTE: Staying Sober through the Festive Season

Episode 156: LOTE: Staying Sober through the Festive Season

In episode 156 of the Sober Vibes podcast, it's Livin on the El-Ledge week, which means Courtney Andersen and Kimberly Elledge are talking on their show within a show. 

The Elledge sisters discuss staying sober through the Holiday season. They share their strategies to protect your energy, establish boundaries with loved ones, and infuse positivity into your space. With us, discover the joy of the holiday season, undiluted by alcohol.

What you will learn in this episode:

• Staying Sober through the holidays
• Setting Boundaries 
• Protecting energy 
• Not letting a holiday take your power

FREE workshop series

SHOP ALL MERCHANDISE

Thank you for listening and we hope this episode helps.

Reviews help the show. Please rate, Review, and Subscribe to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Thank you to our Sponsor.

You receive 20% off your order with EXACT NATURE as a show listener. Make sure to check them out and support the show. EXACT NATURE: click here to shop and save 20% off with code "SV20." Free shipping on all orders! Please listen to episode 129 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.

To Connect with Courtney:
Grab my BOOK
Follow Sober Vibes on Instagram
Apply for 1:1 Coaching with Courtney
Join the Fix Community
Enroll in Next Level Sober Support Self-Guided Program
Join the women-only Sober Vibes Facebook group
Grab your Free 30-Day Sober Not Boring Calendar
Grab your Free Sober Routine Checklist
Free Mocktail Menu

To Connect with Kimberly:
Instagram

Transcript

Courtney Andersen: 0:02

This is Courtney. This is Kimberly. You are listening to the show within the show Living on the Alledge.

Kim Elledge: 0:09

Come live with us. We're talking about the road to recovery and sobriety and how to vibe and maintain a happy and healthy lifestyle.

Courtney Andersen: 0:22

Hey, welcome to the Silver Vibes podcast, and we are in Living on the Alledge today. It's the show within the show, with myself and my sister. You are listening to episode 156. And we are going to chat about staying sober through the holidays, sister hello.

Kim Elledge: 0:44

Yo, Courtney Michelle, what's up?

Courtney Andersen: 0:48

Oh nothing, just drink a little hot water with honey. Ew why? Because in the wintertime I crave warmth. So fall Well, fall sorry, okay. So in the fall time and winter time, in the colder months, sister, I like to, I crave warmth. So I just drink some hot water with some honey or lemon. So I don't drink 25 cups of coffee and then call you by 2pm in hysteria.

Kim Elledge: 1:21

Thank you. I'm having coffee right now, getting prepped for the day.

Courtney Andersen: 1:25

Right. I mean I like there's a chill in my bones. You sounded like dad. Dad said that to me the other day too. He was FaceTimed us. He's like what are you drinking? And then asked why. He asked me why.

Kim Elledge: 1:39

Well, I mean, I get it. I just have never heard you say I'm having some hot water with honey. That's new Rock and roll, bro.

Courtney Andersen: 1:45

Yeah Well, I like to do the honey too, because for allergies, because I don't want whatever the fuck. You have going on with your allergies at 50.

Kim Elledge: 1:54

Dude 44 asshole. Listen, they're brand new. I can't deal. I don't understand. You saw my first allergy attack last year when we were going to Florida and it was a fucking nightmare. And then I just experienced one and my boss sent me home because my eyes wanted to stop watering and he pretty much was like I need you just to go home and get like, go to the drugstore and fix whatever is happening to your life. Yeah, and you did. I tried. So yeah, we're back, we're fine. But I didn't know you could develop allergies in your 40s, but so this is cool.

Courtney Andersen: 2:32

Great, yeah, yeah, yes, you can. So I just I get the honey from the apple orchard next door, local. Yeah, because that I've heard when I because I started getting allergies a couple of years back too, not to the severity like you do now with that eye watering bullshit where you got goobers in your fucking your eyes, but so I've done. I did the local honey trick. Yeah, let.

Kim Elledge: 3:03

I love it.

Courtney Andersen: 3:05

So, other than that, kim, we're trucking right along. Our merch is available, merches up, merches up. Okay, listen, in real talk, kim and I are recording this podcast on 1111 manifest some shit today, kim, and after we record this, we're going to put the finishing touches on the merch. When this airs this Thursday, you guys will be able to buy some live in on the L edge merch, which this podcast airs on the 16th. So it will be available for live in on the L edge merch and I will have some sober vibes merch within the next week or two following the release of this podcast.

Kim Elledge: 3:50

Yeah, yeah. So most importantly, that living on the L edge cause like yes.

Courtney Andersen: 3:55

Yes, cause, then Kim has to approve, because last time we talked, I believe she said that she wasn't going to have us looking like nerds.

Kim Elledge: 4:05

No, I'm not. You leave it up to my sister and we'll all be looking like dipshits. I'm not having it. Yep, it's Saturday. Guys, we've had a great day so far Busy, busy, busy, keeping up moving, and here we are, so we're going to talk about that time of year. I think what Christmas is 46 days away. We got a big one coming up, thanksgiving and just how to keep your peace through the holiday season and protect your energy and stay sober.

Courtney Andersen: 4:37

Yeah, and this comes from. I mean, I'm going to do a solo episode about it, but I wanted your opinion on it and I'm sure we've done him over the couple of the years. But it's always a good reminder because this is a very trying time for people. And this comes from a person asked the other day on the Ask Me Anything Mondays on the sober bite vibes page in the Instagram stories. She had asked you was like oh, I'm too much sober, like what do I do with the holidays? And I told her I said everything you've done so far to get you to this point you're going to continue to do through the holidays and if you need to take a knee on some of these invites, take a knee.

Kim Elledge: 5:16

Take a knee. Courtney and I have taken many knees on holidays. I have spent as my sister I mean now she's, you know, married and she's a mom so like we're changing the narrative kind of of our holiday tradition. But the holidays weren't fun for us for a long long time. It was a lot of trauma around the holidays and so it was very chaotic. So now for us the holidays are a happy time and we also have established boundaries of what we are gonna do and what we are not gonna do. And so I rock with Courtney over the holidays because it's just like chill and there's no expectations and it's not triggering, you know.

Courtney Andersen: 6:05

Yeah, and that's something that I started developing on, you know, when Matt and I, and when I first started dating Matt, and then even more so into when I got sober. Because that is, you start looking at holidays and you're like, when you're not drinking, you're like, oh, has this all? That's when you start looking at your family dynamic, if you're in one, and you're like, oh, okay, yeah.

Kim Elledge: 6:32

Bizarro world.

Courtney Andersen: 6:33

Yeah, this has got to be a bizarre and I don't wanna take part of it. I don't wanna be a part of it anymore, like, and I just wanna start doing my own thing. So do your own thing, you know, and it's okay to not attend events if it's your feeling uneasy that day. I mean, really, you gotta wake up and listen to your inner compass and be like is this the best situation to put myself in? And it's okay to cancel last minute for your own peace? Yep.

Kim Elledge: 7:04

Cancel last minute. Do whatever you need to do. I mean for Courtney and I. Let's take Thanksgiving, for example. What a trash holiday. We hate it.

Courtney Andersen: 7:12

We hate Thanksgiving. We have hated Thanksgiving for probably since I was seven, I don't know. We've hated Thanksgiving for a long time because it's the worst.

Kim Elledge: 7:24

Yeah, the food is gross, like all the fixings like and just like what the holiday's based on. It's never sat right. Like I've always hated Thanksgiving, I hate the whole show of it and yeah, so I think Courtney and I are just like you know. Over the years it's like, yeah, we're not gonna do that. I think her husband's gonna whip up some lobster rolls and like we're gonna just have like a smorgasbord and hang out, like you know, but not go in. On the whole, like not participate and waste a bunch of money and try to do the most for something that we're like not even into.

Courtney Andersen: 8:06

Yeah, and as our hatred grew to Thanksgiving, our disdain for it. It's also too all of what Kim said. And then we also worked in the service industry for many, many, many years. Kim still does. But having that night before Thanksgiving, kim, I think you said when you moved to Colorado it really wasn't that big of a thing, like it was in Pure Michigan.

Kim Elledge: 8:32

No, the night people were, I'd be in like Colorado the night before Thanksgiving and be like who's going out, like, what are we doing? And people are like what the fuck are you talking about? Like, and Denver's so transient, like people would leave you know for the holidays, and I'm just like I don't, like I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Courtney Andersen: 8:49

Yeah, yeah. So definitely I don't know if, where you live, the good people of the world, if it's a big thing, but it's the biggest bar night of the year in Michigan.

Kim Elledge: 8:59

Like people go hard. So there were a lot of Thanksgiving that Courtney and I would show up to and would be so hungover like we couldn't even see straight and then to have to, like, try to eat that disgusting food that we hated anyways. It was just not good. I mean, that was by our own self doing, but we just Thanksgiving.

Courtney Andersen: 9:19

No thanks, no thanks. I have to say we need to start being honest about what this holiday is. They need to start retelling the story in these schools of Thanksgiving. But anyways, that's for another day I think we talked about this last year, for I think we talked about this but a little refresher of just getting to know Kim and I. So holiday season really is, it's upon us, and that is when it comes to your sobriety journey and specifically answering this woman's question. You can't let the holiday take away your power, right Like you can't let any given Tuesday take away your power, so it's no different. When these holidays come up, you cannot let it take away your power just because it's quote unquote a holiday.

Kim Elledge: 10:12

Snap, sister, you get a snap from me. Thank you. Big facts Courtney's spitting bars today.

Courtney Andersen: 10:19

excuse us, Right, I'll have that as the board on the server vibes and screen for this. But it's true like it's just like you have to really look at it like that and be like what is it worth of having a cup of cocktails on a Thanksgiving, new Year's Christmas, whatnot? You're still going to wake up the next day and feel like a bag of dicks because you let the holidays take away your power.

Kim Elledge: 10:48

Yep. So, whatever you need to do to, not if you put yourself in a family dynamic that's triggering and you're not strong enough in your recovery yet. You might have to make up your own traditions for a while, while you're healing and getting better and stronger in your recovery, and just put down a boundary that this is not. This is not the year for me, and I'm going to catch you on the next one. And a lot of people too. I hear well, I'm going to be all alone and blah, blah, blah. Well, all alone is okay, it's better than dead. It's better than dead, because what if, like, you put yourself in a triggering situation and you start get yourself on a little bender and a lot of people relapse? They don't come back from that. So it's like it's all relative and you can find joy in doing things and just taking solace and saying this is for me and it's okay, and there are people out there. If you want to go do something or engage in something, there's things to do. You just have to get creative.

Kim Elledge: 11:57

Yeah you got it Because, like I, said we've spent a lot of holidays like alone and it was just cause life circumstance and it's okay. It's okay, Mm-hmm.

Courtney Andersen: 12:10

You know Exactly. Again, it's. I have to look at it, you got to look at it. When you do have that clarity, it really is another day, like you know. That's just how. That's how I look at these holidays, because I feel like there's too much pressure and maybe it was just because we were really conditioned to be young and we were young and different pieces of shits around the holidays.

Kim Elledge: 12:35

It was not good. So we're and you know we're not trying to sound like callous or hard, but like, because you know people like I love Christmas now. I didn't use to but because it was traumatic time of year, but I now I like it and I enjoy it and that's because I now approach it different and approach it with a healthy mindset and some actual joy. But there is a lot of pressure around the holidays and it's there's too much pressure already in the world. So, like this year don't you, don't have to engage in the pressures of the holidays. You know what I mean. Like and then the economy is all fucked up right now.

Kim Elledge: 13:15

So like, even with like the gift giving and any of that, you know, I remember when I was out of jail and I got out of jail in November and then the holidays were like here and I was short on money. It was stressful, but you know you can be creative. Or acts of kindness, acts of service, like everything doesn't have to be about like. Just like gift giving and like you know capitalism and buying this shit, like that's how they have us conditioned, and just like being present and being you're good to yourself and that is, if that's all you can do. That's like a gift to yourself and a gift to the people who love you, because it's what's going to keep you healthy and so far. So you just take the pressure out of it. You know, I really stand by that and it's like don't be hard on yourself and just do what you can do Like you know, and fuck Thanksgiving.

Courtney Andersen: 14:14

My most favorite holiday is Halloween. The best, oh man, I love that. I love Halloween is simply because that is the fun holiday. That, from our upbringing Kim, does not have any negativity, no traumatic events. I never thought about that. That is why I fully embrace it. Like we just had such a great month of October, Like I could have, I mean I did. I cried a couple times taking CJ trick or treating and watching him and like those his neighbors, like just, I mean he's got these neighbors conditioned, that little dictator.

Kim Elledge: 14:57

Yeah, that little. He's got them wrapped around his finger. I mean shed. I was crying at the Halloween and I wasn't even there watching him like I can't wait for next year. I get to watch him, like, just rule the neighborhood bro.

Courtney Andersen: 15:10

Rule the neighborhood. It was just so cute with that one couple when they're like we got you something. We were hoping you would stop by. So yeah, so I just love Halloween. That is why I love Halloween. It's fun and there's no pressure and you know it comes to a simple thing of. It's just a fun.

Kim Elledge: 15:31

Candy and costumes, Right right, who can go wrong? And it's not like all like like centered around drugs or drinking and green bean casserole? No, fuck me dude, fucking, fuck, disgusting Are breaking out fucking poor Turkey's wishbone. Like I like good God, I don't need me. I'm like that was like, that was that's too much. Like who wants to break the wishbone like good God, that was somebody's bone, that's disgusting.

Courtney Andersen: 16:07

I always wanted to break the.

Kim Elledge: 16:11

Like you can have it. Dude, I don't even want to break it, it's yours. You fucking win.

Courtney Andersen: 16:16

Right, I think we, I think we summed up on, you know, to keep how to stay sober and saying through the holidays, and, and it is, and that's why I started baking cookies. You know I have I've shared this many times when I got sober, I went back to shit that I used to love doing when I was a kid, and baking was one of them. And so when the holidays came up because I was at that time when I got first got sober I was working in a paying clinic making $12 an hour.

Kim Elledge: 16:47

So I didn't have.

Courtney Andersen: 16:49

So I didn't have a lot of money around Christmas and I that's why I started baking cookies and just giving them to our parents and siblings and the kids, because that's what I could afford to do.

Courtney Andersen: 17:05

Yeah, you made him with love, right, and that's the whole thing. It's like you know the intention and in the love and what you can financially do. I just you know again, we've used this word a lot in this, in this podcast but Kim and I were always conditioned with with spending lots of money on gift that in our family unit and then and it's a hard thing to break a it's a hard thing to end that cycle and break it, break up with it, when that was all you knew for so many years. So if you're listening to this and you're like Jesus Christ, that was like I had to go through the same thing. I mean, these types of conditionings are embedded and rooted into people's families.

Kim Elledge: 17:50

Yeah, I mean, but the deal was it wasn't reciprocated and it's like you're you know, it's just, it's a lot. Yeah, the holidays somewhere, we're changing some, we're ending some generational trauma here and I'm gonna ride Courtney's coattails on her family unit because they're fun and there's no pressure and it's not like it's not a facade, like it's, it's actually just like vibing and being yourself and no expectations. Like you can just go and just be yourself and feel at home and not feel weird and like awkward. So I encourage all of you to, if you don't want to go anywhere and make your own that, make your own tradition at home. You know, if you're in a 12 set program, there's meetings. I know on Thanksgiving there's gratitude meetings. You know, call up if you need to schedule an extra session with your therapist for the week of the holidays around Thanksgiving or Christmas. Like do that.

Kim Elledge: 18:52

So it's like setting yourself up for success and having a plan, you know, and maybe letting like a best friend know, or someone in the program or a coworker hey, at this day I might be like a little lunch, you mind if I give you a call just to like tap in, you know, and people who care about you and love you, like all about it. So just just have a plan. You know, on Christmas I love going to the movies, like I used to go to the movies by myself and go catch a flip, and just having a plan, just because You're not participating. Or maybe you're at your point in sobriety where no one wants to fuck with you right now because they're still a little resentful about you know people have boundaries up towards you and you're having to earn trust. You know, give them a call, send them a Christmas card, like let people know you're doing okay, because you have to continue to show up for people to drop their guard.

Kim Elledge: 19:48

I mean, if it's a hard boundary and they don't want to buck with you, I get it, but you know you still show up for yourself, yeah, and people are gonna, you know, and then make a phone call or send a text so people know like you're at, if you're at home alone, that you're sober. You know what I mean. So it's about, like gaining trust. So definitely like, have yourself a plan and I just really urge everyone not to like spiral and, like you know, self-sabotage and victimize themselves that they're not doing usually what they're quote-unquote, supposed to be doing for the holidays, because what in the fuck are we really supposed to be doing anyways? I mean, do what you can and what works best for you, right?

Courtney Andersen: 20:32

here and I have to say, during that time, the week of Thanksgiving, inside the fix that is our online community with meetings, leah will be doing a meeting that night before Thanksgiving at 7 30, and then Kimmy, your, your meeting is that Sunday at noon, and then also to that Friday, the 24th if you're listening to this in real time I am doing a free workshop on self-sabotage. Ooh nice, sister. Yeah, so there, and I chose to do it that day after Thanksgiving. That was planned, y'all that was planned. That was purposely in the books that way, because it is a way for you to come and connect and to listen to my tips and be like, all right, all right, I'm gonna fucking keep trucking through this weekend yeah and everything's gonna be okay.

Kim Elledge: 21:23

Well, it's like you know, really is one day at a time and just do your best and find joy in the little things and, you know, start some new traditions for yourself and, just like I said, have a plan, have a plan.

Courtney Andersen: 21:35

Okay, I actually take that back. That Wednesday, the 22nd, inside the fix, that is actually me, lili, and that that meeting the night before the Thanksgiving, 7 30 pm, eastern Standard Time. The fix is $35 a month. You can cancel at any time. Come join it, check it out for. Check it out for a month, use it, that's what it's there for. So, kimmy, this is a great transition to our stories in the straight segment and I I can't remember for the life of me if I have shared the story on the podcast we'll spell it.

Kim Elledge: 22:12

Which one is it?

Courtney Andersen: 22:13

no, it just makes me giggle each time. So my last Christmas, my last Christmas party that my last Christmas party that I was still drinking at, my sister, by the way.

Kim Elledge: 22:26

I loved a good holiday party y'all, I love it.

Courtney Andersen: 22:29

I fucking loved Christmas parties and just getting blacked out drunk where I would then dry heave for like three days after. So this is the last thing I remember before I be owed. Okay, I was sitting there talking with one of them. I was sitting there talking with one of the owners at the bar I used to work at. There was a couple different. There was, there was a few owners and this one he was. He was. He thought it was funny, but, however, I still said it to this man. This one, I had a relationship of like there was joking around this. There was like no, me too. I don't want anyone to think it was that type of relationship. Okay and I, but for the last thing, the last thing I said to him was do you like blowies?

Kim Elledge: 23:30

then you blacked out and didn't know his answer.

Courtney Andersen: 23:33

I think he probably said yes, no our friend Bob told me, and then I the after that I asked him that that's when Matt was like we're leaving. Matt was there. Yeah, man was at that party wow anyways, bod told me the next day that he just like his like face lit up and was like Courtney.

Kim Elledge: 24:02

Anyway, I don't know. Would you like to tell the good people what a blowy is Courtney A?

Courtney Andersen: 24:07

blow job. I asked one of my owners, a person who employed me, if he liked blowies. It's just, it's ridiculous, right? So that is my stories for the street holiday tradition. It's like here's the thing and you're going to share yours.

Courtney Andersen: 24:28

I'm sharing this because we have to look back at our actions in our you know, in your drinking or alcohol days, and you really have to look at them. When these memories come back up to you, is that a moment that I should let take me down and be shameful, or can I look at it and have a little giggle and be like that really wasn't that. It wasn't that bad? Because you really have to look at a lot of situations differently, instead of all letting them pile up and be like I did this, I did this, I did this, I did this and then feel like a bag of shit for days, pun days, right. So I just want, if you are needing to listen to this today, go through like your own inventory of situations like that and be like is that really something I really need to keep in my backpack or is this something I can laugh and release? And I encourage you to do that. Look at some of these situations. Of course there's going to be situations. You know me waking up in a hospital where it's like that. One's still a little bit hard to digest, even off of these years, because it was like I put myself in such a dangerous situation, right? So just just release some things that you're carrying around in your backpack that you no longer need to carry about, because they can be laughable moments.

Courtney Andersen: 25:57

I want to share with you today about a new product that I love. Sober vibes in exact nature have a shared mission helping you get sober and thrive. Exact nature is healthy. All natural CBD products can help. They're made for changes in mood, focus, cravings and sleep that can be a part of getting sober. Founded by a father and son, both in addiction recovery, they know these challenges firsthand and have created a line of products to amplify the hope in your journey. Exact nature offers oils, soft gels, gummies and creams. Detox for cravings, serenity for calm and focus, and Zs for better sleep. There are thousands of CBD products on the market, but only exact natures are made for those of us in recovery. I'm a big fan of the serenity For 20% off your order.

Courtney Andersen: 26:51

Use code SV20 for 20% off your order at ExactNaturecom. That is E X, a, c, t N A T U R E dot com. The link will also be in the show notes below. You can use that code now in all year long. It's time to start feeling your best self, and you can learn more at ExactNaturecom. Again, the link is in the show notes. I strongly recommend CBD to help you along your sobriety and recovery journey. Exactnature now offers free shipping on all orders.

Kim Elledge: 27:35

Oh my God, I just that just reminded me of a story from a Thanksgiving. And when you said waking up in a hospital, okay, here's one where I kind of was ashamed for a little while. But then I obviously forgave myself and got over it. When I was very concerned about why nobody in Denver was going out for the night before Thanksgiving, I decided that I was going to bring Michigan to Denver and let everyone know what was up. So I walked, I got done with work and went over like across to the local bar and people were just and I probably ruined everyone's Thanksgiving. I don't know, but I started buying. Everyone was just like, yeah, I gotta, you know, go home. Like going to go do the family stuff tomorrow, blah, blah, blah. I was like what are you pretty much like? What do you pussies mean? Like back home we do X, y and Z and we still make it to Thanksgiving like you'll be fine. So me, the crowd hyper, like bullying everyone to stay out and drink and like buying shots, like losing my mind. And then I hit and up the dealer for some blow and just passing out blow like it was fucking the wishbone at Thanksgiving and so whatever. The last thing I remember was paying my bar tab that was $600, because I was the crowd hyper and just getting everyone just rocked. And I? The next thing I know is I'm waking up in Denver health because on my way home they had like this paddy wagon that goes around the city and I'll pick you up and take you to detox.

Kim Elledge: 29:09

Yeah well, I woke up on Thanksgiving Day in detox and I didn't know how I got there, but obviously I was too drunk to be walking the streets and I didn't have my jacket and I just had like a hospital gown on my pants and when you get released from detox, you get released with everything you have. I didn't have my phone, I didn't have nothing. I had a fucking giant bruise on my neck I don't know what that was from and I had to walk from Denver health all the way fucking home to Capitol Hill in a hospital gown. Do you know how good? And I fucking was like, oh my God, like I was panicked. Here's what I was panicked about it's the holidays and I need to get on the phone with my family to tell everybody happy Thanksgiving. But I didn't have a phone, so I had to go home and pick up some money and then go get a burner phone.

Kim Elledge: 30:12

Obviously I changed out of my hospital gown but walking through those streets in a hospital gown, nobody stopped and asked me if I need anything or needed a ride. Like it was fucking weird. And I was just like so hungover, just walking like and that wasn't even my rock bottom guys Like nope. And I went home and changed into a jacket and went and picked up a burner phone and went back home and pretty much sat in the dark in shame and hungover, his fuck.

Kim Elledge: 30:38

On Thanksgiving and my boyfriend at the time was pissed because I went off the grid for 24 and he had our dog at the time. Think God, god bless him or my dog would have been home all night alone. And I finally got hit him on the burner and he's like where in the fuck is your phone? And I tell him the story and I got disembodied to Thanksgiving and just got a plate put on my fucking front porch and sat in shame for probably three days and just like embarrassed and hiding and yeah, and then I got over it and I hit the streets again and ended up in detox like two more times.

Courtney Andersen: 31:25

Yeah there was one time somebody called me because you had lost your phone and they had called me and told me that they had your phone. I'm stranger and then, but I think they returned it back to you at one of the places you worked at during that time, but you were definitely in detox, so I don't know if that was not before Thanksgiving or a different time. But why do you keep saying burner phone like you're a spy?

Kim Elledge: 31:55

Cause I had to pick up a burner and I had a burner cause I was selling drugs back then.

Courtney Andersen: 32:03

Oh God, a burner phone. Do they even still make those?

Kim Elledge: 32:08

They make. There's an app if you want to burn your line, so you can call people from a burner line and then you can like burn the number so there's no trace of nothing, just in case you ever need to get a hold of somebody. Oh my God.

Courtney Andersen: 32:28

All the things that you learned on this show within a show. Well, yeah so, but that's. But how did you get over? That's the thing it's like. Is that one of those things that you lived with for a long time of guilt? I mean, clearly we're laughing about it now, but how long did it take you to laugh about that?

Kim Elledge: 32:47

I mean a long time, because it was embarrassing Like and I was a very prominent bartender in the city, so I was mortified and I'm walking through town where it's like rich people live, and then I'm like, dude, come on, you know the places that I worked and it's like it's one of my Scientellic sees me walking in a fucking hospital, gown like.

Courtney Andersen: 33:10

Courtney, well, at least you had pants on. Thank God that you had pants on, because if you didn't have pants on, this would totally look so much worse.

Kim Elledge: 33:19

I had pants on in a hospital gown and then, to start it, I was freezing. It was cold, dude. That mountain air was crisp, it was bad. So it took me a minute, dude. And then my boyfriend at the time was not impressed and I wouldn't be impressed either. Like I'm a grown woman walking through town, like it's goddamn a fucking thriller video. Like a zombie in a hospital gown, just hung over to shit and with high anxiety. Like I was like, dude, I just want to give up and just sit on this bench and like just quit life.

Courtney Andersen: 33:50

But I had to keep going. There's nothing worse I'm sorry, but I mean there is nothing worse that will push you over to the edge than a Denver Colorado hangover Like oh.

Kim Elledge: 34:04

God yeah, the altitude, the anxiety, the hangover, the cartel cocaine hangover, it's too much man. It was too much for little UJ. I was dying and I sat in shame. You know what I mean. And it just like I think about that. So you saying like hospitals and we're talking about the holidays, I just like triggered a memory that I forgot about I mean, yeah, I fucking compartmentalized that one Like, oh my God, just.

Kim Elledge: 34:34

And then just a few days later, feeling better and back behind the bar moving and shaking like none of that ever happened.

Courtney Andersen: 34:42

Yeah. So I guess that's what I'm trying to suggest is if you can try to compartmentalize some of these moments in your life, especially in your active addiction, and just look at it like okay, was that laughable? Like let's not get it twisted. The next day, after remembering coming to after my last drinking Christmas party, there was a moment of like oh my God. And then, when I confirmed it with Bod, it was like oh my God. Then I had to start laughing about it a couple of days, because it's just so outrageous that sometimes there's stuff that would come out of people's mouth when drinking.

Kim Elledge: 35:19

Yeah, and you guys might say I know everyone thinks like I'm the animal, but I know Courtney's like a lady and a business owner and like a mom and like is with the shit. She's great, she's grown so much. But this fucking bitch like was wild. There's a Halloween party she had at her bar. She used to run and I came up to say hi after my bar shift and this bitch was fucking laying behind the bar. Just people were bartending over her like guests were getting their own drinks. Like I'm not the only animal on this show within a show.

Courtney Andersen: 35:58

No, there's two. It takes two to tango. Here's the sir. And yes, there's a lot of memories of stuff, but that was Halloween. We could have saved that for next Halloween, for stories of the street. We'll bring it back up next year. Yeah, I was. I was a slutty. I was a slutty Robin Hood.

Kim Elledge: 36:16

Yeah, you're stupid fucking outfit. I showed up as the Burger King man.

Courtney Andersen: 36:21

Right. But I mean, people had fun at that Halloween party. That was a good time. That was a good one until I blacked out on that one, yeah.

Kim Elledge: 36:30

I had a blast. I drank for free because you were fucking passed out behind the bar, so I was a free for all, and she still had a job. Ladies and gentlemen, bravo, courtney.

Courtney Andersen: 36:41

That's why I think I think my previous employer when I worked at that bar for so many years. At the book party I said thank you for employing me, Thank God, Thank you for enabling me.

Kim Elledge: 36:56

Then here is a fucking address for an Allen on meaning, sir, and I also would like you to read my favorite book, codependent, no more.

Courtney Andersen: 37:06

Oh man, but God bless. I mean heart, heart, heart of gold, and still listen we have had some great bosses.

Kim Elledge: 37:14

We, like Courtney and I, have always been blessed with good. Here's the deal Like our personalities, like people want to hate, wanted to hate us so bad, but they just couldn't. So it got us out of a lot of shit, which is really good, that's not always a good thing.

Kim Elledge: 37:32

It's not a good thing, because we like never learned the lesson right, because we never felt like the fallout, because, like our family dynamic is very like, brush it under the rug and keep it moving, there's not going to be any conversation, there'll be no real healing going on, there'll be no accountability. So we never dealt with shit like that and then, like our employers, they just didn't know what the fuck to do with us and but you know, we're people that we just made them a lot of fucking money and they liked us. So it's like we never, we never felt the fallout of any punishment, like there was never any, like two week suspension or getting pulled into the office and like getting written up, like just not that happened and I don't understand how, because these days that shit would not fly.

Courtney Andersen: 38:18

Well, no, but however, I was suspended at one time from drinking, at that, a stick of luch.

Kim Elledge: 38:26

Oh, I think you know what I think Vicky RIP my best boss I've ever had. This lady was incredible. I got sent home for three hours to go sober up and then she called me back because it was St Patrick's Day and I had to come back and and work. She took my keys away from the bar for three hours and then she slowed them back to me when I got back. She's like here you go. I was like oh, I thought I was, I thought I was getting fired. She's like what? No, get back to work.

Courtney Andersen: 38:53

Yeah, but the landscape of what we okay, we'll just wrap this up real quick the landscape of bars and privately owned bars, the mom and pop compared to corporate, is completely different. But in the last few years also too I mean even before COVID, the there was a shift in it on, like, what you could start doing and what you couldn't. You know, yeah, it became no fun. Yeah, it became no fun. And that was even before COVID, like, I mean because me working in it's still sober I saw a shift in the dynamic switch of of no fun. But I have to also say too that also goes to the staff yeah, you have working for you, of, like, who you can have, create, make a very awesome energy, dynamic in there, you know, and and that, what, what a person can bring out. If a person can bring that out, you can have a whole fucking bar on fire in the best way.

Kim Elledge: 40:00

That's us, yeah, the touching crowd, hyper. I still. I'm 44 years old and I still do it, still create a vibe at work. And then I got these young kids, these fucking duds, who are like robots, and I'm like yo, you, you're allowed to have fun.

Kim Elledge: 40:17

Like you know they'll always be like him. You, how you talk to your guests is wild. I was like dude. They're human. What do you mean? Like people are out to have fun, they're spending a ton of money, right, and they're always going to remember me. Why don't you get on board and create a vibe so people like want to come here? How about that?

Courtney Andersen: 40:34

Right To shoot together. Right, I got a guide or haven't read yet Silver vibes A guide to thriving in your purse Three months without alcohol. Wink, wink, sister, plug, plug, plug that there is a part in that book which my sister forgot about until she read, where I explain my sister and I's dynamic of her and I for the most part when we were drinking of us at a red lobster during the holiday time, getting the whole bar ship face.

Kim Elledge: 41:07

No, the whole bar. Courtney and I went shopping one year over at 12 Oaks Mall in Novi Michigan and decided to go stop at one of my dad's stores and he definitely got a phone call about it. But we were the crowd hypers and people were who gets people fucked up at a red lobster bar? But we did, and people who weren't even drinking. They were in there having hot tea, by God. By the end of us dealing with them they were doing shots at tequila and drinking lobsters. It was fucking nuts. That was probably another time where our bill was like $600.

Courtney Andersen: 41:43

Like yeah it was insanity, but we had a good time, like, I mean, and everybody around us had a good time, but we were like pushers, we didn't take no for an answer, so anyway, we didn't give a fuck.

Kim Elledge: 41:57

It not even there's. Not even Cheddar Bay biscuits can hold us back.

Courtney Andersen: 42:01

No, but that was a good, that was a fun night, but that's what I'm saying Compartmentalized that was a fun night and we went on and and that was a good time. It might have not been a good time for other people who had a couple shots at night and felt like garbage the next day Because they weren't used to that. We had a.

Kim Elledge: 42:18

Yeah, that was just like a Tuesday for us.

Courtney Andersen: 42:20

I know, but that's something that I will never. That's why I won't ever dismiss my whole my ten years of that active relationship with alcohol. I won't pretend it didn't happen because I still had some good times out of it and like where we're sitting here laughing I you know me being drunk For I asked my owner if he like blowjobs, blowies, like Blow it.

Kim Elledge: 42:47

So do you like blowies?

Courtney Andersen: 42:49

That's how it went.

Kim Elledge: 42:50

I know I can. I can hear you ringing through my ears. I know exactly how it went. I know exactly how your little pointer finger was pointing at the man and Just how it looked. I know and I wasn't even there.

Courtney Andersen: 43:03

All right, so I just I Listen they say I empower anybody, though, to not sit in all of that and being like all of it was. It wasn't worth it. Like it, just like it, because I just don't, because that's part of your life times and it was the way right.

Kim Elledge: 43:20

Exactly, you know so and Courtney and I's approach. It might not be for everybody, but this is just what works for us because it's just how to get through it. I mean because there were just Some pretty bad events, like the low with the low, and you know that it's like okay, but I also can't just dwell in that and I got to and obviously, as you all know, we use our humor as a trauma response and but you know it is what it is and that's what we're here to speak. You know, from fucking blowies to Walking through the city you live in and hospital gowns, I mean, shit happens, we're alive. We're here today to talk about it and like I don't give a fuck, it's all okay. It's made me the person who I am today and I just want everybody to be healthy, happy and love themselves. That is the goal.

Courtney Andersen: 44:19

That's right, snap, snap. We'll end on that. Make sure you guys check out the merch in the show notes below my the free workshop. Information to sign up is in the show notes below. The fix is in the show notes below. So come have a hang, support the show, grab a book for the holidays all of it.

Kim Elledge: 44:38

Follow sissy on Instagram, yep at Mademoiselle Kimberly and, like I said y'all, I still am in insomnia. So if anyone's up and not, you know, need someone to talk to, I'm here. You know right, we're here exactly.

Courtney Andersen: 44:54

All right, stay safe and keep on truckin.

Kim Elledge: 44:58

Bye.