(Ep. 66) Navigating the Emotional Minefield of the Holidays

What if the holidays don't have to be something you survive—but something you actually experience?

In this special holiday episode of Triggered & True, Laura Duncan and co-host Brian Friese explore why Christmas and family gatherings can stir up so many emotional triggers—and how you can approach them with greater peace, awareness, and self-compassion.

Rather than offering another list of holiday coping strategies, Laura explains how the Compassion Method helps you prepare from the inside out. 

Whether your triggers come from difficult family members, unmet expectations, loneliness, grief, finances, or childhood memories, the goal isn't simply to manage your reactions—it's to understand the wounds underneath them so your true self can remain present.

The conversation is filled with practical ways to prepare before the holidays begin, from revisiting childhood Christmas memories to using the Remote Control Exercise and practicing brief moments of attunement throughout the day. 

The result isn't a "perfect" holiday—it's becoming more connected to yourself so you can be more genuinely connected to the people around you.

In this episode:

🔹 Why holiday stress is usually about much more than the holidays themselves—and what your emotional triggers are really pointing toward

🔹 How childhood Christmas experiences continue to shape your expectations, reactions, and relationships as an adult

🔹 Practical ways to prepare emotionally before family gatherings using the Compassion Method and the Remote Control Exercise

🔹 Why trying to avoid difficult people rarely brings lasting peace—and how caring for your own heart changes the experience instead

🔹 How to move through Christmas with greater presence, self-compassion, and connection so you're not just getting through the holidays, but actually living them

📩 Get your free Weekly Dose of Compassion — two short notes in your inbox every week. One to speak over yourself. One from Laura: https://www.lauraduncan.com/pl/2148814868

🔗 Learn more:

https://triggeredandtrue.com

https://lauraduncan.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Hello and welcome to this episode of Triggered and True featuring renowned emotional health consultant Laura Duncan. Thank you for being here and thank you for investing the time to learn how to take care of your soul. If this podcast sparks any questions, feel free to submit a question by going to triggeredandtrue.com, scrolling to the bottom of the page and clicking ask. If you would like to learn more about Laura Duncan, we encourage you to follow Laura on Instagram and Facebook. Also, a great resource for you to consider is the Compassion Method Master Course. The Compassion Method is a process that empowers you to learn to see and conquer your internal pain and to discover your true self. Your true self, that beautiful, wonderful part of you that has been there all along but has simply been covered up. To obtain the master course, you go to compassionmethod.net and as a podcast listener, you qualify for a $50 discount that can be obtained by typing in the coupon code podcast50. Again, that's compassionmethod.net, coupon code podcast50. We hope you enjoy this episode. Hello and welcome everyone to this holiday edition of Triggered and True.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Holiday edition.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

The holiday edition. Laura, you know, I was thinking that there's probably listeners that have come more recently that don't know your full background. So I don't want you to give your full, full background.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

That would take away from our holiday edition.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

So I I was trying to think too, like how many years you've even been at this. So why don't you just give a real quick background of yourself?

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Yeah, so really briefly, if you haven't um heard all the podcasts, because um part of this is in some of the podcasts, but just real briefly, 16 years ago, my husband um died of ALS, Lou Garrett's disease, leaving me with four small children. And um I was just kind of knew instinctively, even before I knew about the compassion method, that their life wasn't going to turn out very well losing a parent at such a young age. And then I, you know, unfortunately studied it and statistics supported my gut feeling. And so I was like, okay, I've got to do something different. I can't control him dying, but I can help my kids go through the death and hopefully have a better outcome than was projected. So that kind of started my study, you know, uh, into the brain, into um emotions, how to deal with grief, because everything I found at that time, you know, this was 16 years ago, emotional health was not as popular as it is now. There was very little to do with actually processing the pain at a root level. It was a lot more of like how to comfort your kids in the process, but not necessarily how to actually equip them to have what they need to go through life. And so it started that journey of mo motivation, which is often very common that we get motivated to help others before we help ourselves. But in the process of helping them, I was able to go through it for myself as well and then help family and friends. And so about 14 years ago, two years after he passed, um, I started to meet with people and I've been meeting with people ever since and developed the compassion method through that. Um, it definitely took on, you know, uh different aspects. I thought I was doing the compassion method in the beginning or creating the compassion method in the beginning for just exclusively for pain. But what I found was it was so much more than just facing your pain. Pain was more of actually a doorway into helping my kids, but helping myself and others be able to actually get back to who they really are. Because what pain does to us is it takes away from who we really are and it becomes our identity. It becomes your identity that you lost your dad. It becomes your identity that you're a widow. It comes your becomes your identity, whatever any of you listeners have gone through, it becomes your identity. And I think one of the biggest things that I found was not just that we were able to help with the grieving process, but we were able to actually be who we were created, each individually, my kids and myself, we were able to be who we were created to be, and and have our identity not be revolving around the pain and the loss, but actually around who we are. So that's ultimately, I kind of went off on a tangent, but that's ultimately like what I found through that whole process. And you know how it is like when you're going through things, you know, those first two years, I was in, you know, a grief cloud. I didn't even know what I was doing. Like I was like on like this like mission that I didn't even know was a mission, you know, it wasn't like I like thought to myself, hmm. And you know, 16 from 16 years from now, I'll be on a podcast. I'll be helping thousands of people process their own.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

Were there even podcasts 16 years ago?

SPEAKER_00 5:34

There were probably no podcasts either. And I definitely wasn't thinking I would be doing a podcast. I didn't think I'd be meeting with people. I didn't think I would be, you know, I did not think the Compassion Method would become what it's become. But I'm so grateful personally for my own life and my own family, but also for others. I've even been able to walk multiple multiple family members through um the process, which has been so exciting because sad sometimes when you do get like a you know an epiphany or a process that you're, you know, means a lot to you. And then sometimes when you go to those closest to you, they're like, oh, you're just you're just our sister, you're just our daughter, you're just uh, you know, whatever we are to other people. And it's been actually really exciting to be able to help family members too.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Well, I am very grateful.

unknown 6:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Very, very grateful. And um yeah, I learned so much. So you asked me. Um, so last time we discussed about the book I was writing, and you asked me, uh, Laura's gonna write the forward. So um putting it on the spot now, actually. Yeah, like I am doing. You are dark.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

My brain for one second, I was like, uh oh no.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

So I'm like, um, I think we could uh take a transcript of what you just said, because I think that would be a great, a great, great, great forward part of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Yeah. I I am I am really humbled. I mean, even reading your book and it makes me a little emotional, just how impactful it's been on your personal life. But you know, multiple people have been so impacted. I am really humbled that this became my pain became this, you know, like it's it's really powerful.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

It is, it very much is. So thank you. Thank you for persevering and thank you for being that uh courageous mama bear for your children because that's that was the motivation for you to start off with is you wanted to help your children. And um little did you realize God's so sneaky. He's like, you can't help your children, you can't help your children until you take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

That is actually very, very true.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

It's like, oh, wait a second. I thought this was all about my kids, and God's like, no, it's all about you.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

No, no, I always thought parenting was 90 about the kids, and then I knew like we had some of our personal pain and process sprinkled in there. No, like I think parenting is like 90% about the parent and 10% about the kid in the sense of we, if we are okay within ourselves, if we've taken care of what's going on inside of us, that is where we're gonna parent from, and that's all about us.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Yeah, absolutely. All the things that I've uh learned from you as well. So uh in this episode, we have the holidays upon us. So Thanksgiving will have already happened by the time this episode comes out. Uh, we're actually recording it right before Thanksgiving. So this is gonna be my uh this will be my prep for the holidays as well. But the uh title of the episode is Navigating the Emotional Mindfield of the Holidays. So navigating the emotional mindfield of the holidays. So before we came on, we were talking a little bit about why the word minefield is such a good descriptor of what the holidays can be. So can you elaborate on that?

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Yeah, I was just when Brian he had a different title for it originally. And then when we started doing the podcast and talking about it, he was saying he changed the title. And um I just thought, you know, that's such a good word for it because majority of people, even if you're a little apprehensive because you know your family dynamics, most people are preparing for the holidays, excited to see family, hoping if you have had past difficult holidays, this holiday is going to be different. Maybe you've been practicing the compassion method, maybe you've been, you know, working on your own inner world and now you're ready to like go in there and have that like family holiday. Um, but it's like skipping through that meadow, you know, just hoping for the best. And then all of a sudden you walk into the kitchen and that one relative says something about your relationship status or about something about your personal life, and all of a sudden you feel like you're right back where you started from. You're right back in that place of feeling those triggers, feeling those reactions, and you're like, oh, you know, and I I've felt this before, and I'm imagining Brian has too, where you're like, you know, okay, we've been working on this for several years, we're doing really well, we haven't been triggered by most things, but there's something about family that just definitely feels like a minefield sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Yeah, and I think where I've where I've been at before, where I was gonna be in kind of a a family scenario where I knew there was the potential for some emotional reactions, and I would um ignore it and I would pretend uh it's not gonna be hard, that it's just gonna be easy and it's all gonna be great. And I think that what we're doing with this is that while we're in our right mind, we can approach the logical side of it of like, why are why can family be tough? Because sometimes we even feel ashamed, like, why can't I just love my family? You know, why can't it just be why can't it just be like leave it to beaver all the time? And the logical side of it is it's because those people are closest to our pain. Yeah. Right. I mean, that's why this is the hardest.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

And we care so much. They're closest to our pain, and we care so much, even if we've had past pains.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Yeah. Not only are they closest to our pain, in a lot of cases, there's a lot of history. So they're closest to our oldest pain.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Yes, exactly. Especially if they're your parents and your siblings, your immediate family. They're your zero to 12 years old. They're your early childhood development. However you experience those relationships, zero to 12, is how you're going to experience them the rest of your life, which means they're the most vulnerable, impactful, but most vulnerable relationships that you have in your life.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Mm-hmm. Yep. And we've talked about, or you and when we were preparing, you were talking about the, I think we kind of call it the expectation trap.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

So a lot of times holidays are our hopes of getting our unmet, unmet needs met.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Yeah, on that base level that we don't even realize. We think we're being these big adults going home, mature, sophisticated, able to communicate well, be able to stay even-tempered. So we walk into those situations and we're thinking, oh, we're good. But then that pain comes back up on that root level. It's, you know, it's in the subconscious that becomes conscious when you're in a trigger. But it's we we think it's behind us. But if that wound is still there, it's actually present day, not past. Because you'll hear people commonly say, you know, it's in the past. Your parents are different now, your family's different now, everyone's grown. Just let the past be in the past. And that sounds really good. I wish that was true too. Wouldn't that be so much easier if we could just be like, yep, it's all in the past and it doesn't bother us anymore? But our triggers, which are also opportunities, are not gonna let that pain not be comforted. That's why it keeps recurringly happening every single time that we're with those that we have wounds with. And it's gonna keep coming back up until it's actually taken care of. So that expectation in some ways is a protector that's trying to keep us from facing our wounds. If I can expect everything's just gonna be good and the past is in the past, it will all be okay. And I'm really protecting, I don't want to face that wound that potentially family is gonna bring up. So I'm just gonna expect the best.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Well, and also the uh high pressure to make the holiday kind of similar to the vacation, where there can be this really high pressure to make it be something magical, you know, something which we've also had since we were children as well.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

So it's not just the people around us, it's also the expectation for the holiday. Same as birthdays, the holidays have this expectation that today's gonna be different. 300 days out of the 360 days out of the year, we're gonna have all this hard stuff that we go through. But on Christmas, it's gonna be perfect, it's gonna be perfect, it's gonna be magical. Yeah, right. So now we see expectations have been raised.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah. Uh that are absolutely impossible to live up to.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

But this is an exciting thing, not to give not to jump to the end of expectation. But one of the exciting things about expectation is you're not believing the best about your external world, you're believing the best about your internal world. You're believing the best that even if I get triggered, it's okay. It's actually an opportunity that I get to experience. So I can believe the best that I've been taking care of myself. I can believe the best that I know this process or I'm learning this process. I can believe the best that no matter what happens, I'm gonna be okay. But most of us have an external expectation based on our behaviors or others' behaviors, that this is going to meet that unmet need. And so constantly, even if we don't have a negative experience, we can still leave feeling like we didn't get what we needed.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Right. Yeah, and I I think the logic in this is kind of it's kind of one of two ways. I mean, it's kind of two different things we're saying, but they all kind of connect to the same thing, which is your pain. So the one on the one hand, some people might be a little bit like me, where I don't necessarily set the holidays on this pedestal to try to be magical, but I will pretend that there's not gonna be any triggers, there's not gonna be any emotional things that come up. And then I get there and I'm kind of blindsided, or I'm constantly trying to run interference to not have any of that material material.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Especially, yep, we have four different ways you're gonna react during the holidays is fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And sometimes we're going in on the defense. But but sometimes we're going in as the fawner that we're coming in offensively to keep the peace, to make sure everything's okay. If something does trigger us, we're just not even gonna pay attention to it.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Just gonna try to make everybody else okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Exactly. Make everybody else happy or try to make everyone else happy, but it's impossible to make everyone happy because what's going on within them is going on within them. No matter how much we fall in to make everything okay, these triggers are going to happen.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Yeah. You know, I did this last year at Thanksgiving time. It was really great. I mean, there was this isn't like I dread being around family at all. It was really great. But I what I do is I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be the good host for everybody.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

And I don't want to have every anyone be like it was a negative experience or their needs weren't looked after. And I'm like, I wore myself to the ground because I was so busy cooking and prepping.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

And that's so funny because you can look at it and be like, well, you're just trying to be a good dad and a good husband and a good son, and you were just trying to make it all good for everyone. It sounds so good.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

It does, but it's like me trying to prove I'm enough again over and over again. So the whole point, and we'll get to this, it's not about the family, it's about what's going on inside of me.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Like they didn't do anything wrong at all. So, any of you listening that were at my house at Thanksgiving last year, it was amazing. But because of my own insecurities and my own pain, I triggered into the overdoing it. But I already know because this year we have Christmas. Okay. So there's going to be a menu and there's going to be delineation of duties. I am not doing it all. I'm cooking like one meal, period. Other everybody else can chip in.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Like that you bring that up. Like nobody was forcing you to do that, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Nope.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Um, nobody was saying you need to do this or else. There was nothing like that was going on. I actually like that example because it's not sometimes it's easy to say, well, so-and-so said I had to do it, and then I was exhausted because I did too much. But when you do it to yourself, which I actually think that's just as common as other people's expectations for us or triggers with us, is our expectations for ourselves and our triggers with ourselves. I think that's actually where it all originates from. So I actually like your example because it wasn't nothing externally was forcing you to do it. You were forcing yourself to do it based on your lack or your wound.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

And I was constantly thinking about okay, when I've been at that person's house, they lay out, they they do all of this, you know. So I'll compare myself to the like the world's greatest hostess, which is my aunt, Deborah. Yeah, oh, she's amazing. I do know her. And I'm like, when she's in my house, I feel like I need to return and give her back. And it's like uh it's kind of like you know, she's like an NFL quarterback in that. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 19:50

And I'm like, I didn't know her, she's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

I'm never gonna be an NFL quarterback, and I'd gotta just own that, you know, in that arena. So yeah, so that was that was a big one. So so that's the fawning. So you talked about the other three fight, flight, freeze. So let's go through this.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

You know, we do see that commonly in family environments. And it's and you know what, usually most of the time, I know some families can all be fighters, and so they're all triggered in fighting one another. But usually, you know, like there's this, you know, one or two family members and they're the fighter. Then you have, you know, a handful of family members of their flight. They leave the room, they change the subject, they um leave early, you know. Like, so we have like the flight family members.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

I always look at that as being kind of passive aggressive.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Like they're gonna be kind of a passive aggressive. They don't want to fight, they feel the same feeling as a fighter, but they don't want to fight because either it's not their nature or they're too afraid to fight.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

So instead of or this is or this is the way they fight.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Yes. Well, that's true, actually. I didn't even think about that, but that is true. Removing yourself from the situation can be just as much of a fight as fighting. And also, if you think about it, in some ways, it can be even more painful because fighting is at least I care enough to yell at you because you're hurting me so much, versus I'm not gonna talk to you about it. I'm just gonna leave the room, I'm just gonna avoid the conversation, and I'm gonna separate myself from you. So flight can be very painful, whether you're the flight person or the person around you is fighting. Then we have the freezers, the ones that are just gonna sit there and be good, not say anything, but inside.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

I mean, I just don't think I'm capable of that.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

I'm like, I just there are, but I really wish I could freeze more because it would be better, I think, at times. Because when you when you fight, when you fight, you like, oh, grab those words, can I bring them back? I can't. It's out there now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

But but freezing, similar to flight, never gets to have connection because when you're frozen, you're neither giving nor receiving. So you're neutral, which is very painful because you're not able to actually have the intimacy you're looking for because you're frozen. You may not be bad, but it's also not good either. You know, it's not good or bad, like we've talked about many times, but it's actually just as painful as fighting or flighting. You're just freezing, and there's still a disconnection there, and then fawning the people that come. And try to make Thanksgiving or Christmas the best ever by making sure everyone's happy, nobody's triggered, you never sit that person by that person because they're going to have a hard time. You see someone about to fight, you intervene. Oh, do you need anything else? You know, it's like, I wish we could like almost do like a little like scenario where you had like, you know, 10 family members at a Christmas table, you know, and you could like identify, I'm the fighter, I'm the flighter, I'm the freeze, and I'm the fawner. And you just see the dynamic play out because that's what we're all going to do. We're going to react from our pain and we're each going to have our part in the scenario. And you can see why you can feel the chaos in a room because you have all those dynamics going on as people are being triggered. And it's kind of like a domino effect. One person gets irritated and is and says something harsh to the other person. The fawner goes, Oh no, I need to make it better. The flight goes, Oh no, I'm out of here. I'm going to go to the kitchen and clean up. The freezer just says, I'm going to sit here quietly. Hopefully nobody notices I'm here. You just see the dynamics playing out. But but who usually gets who usually thinks is people usually think the fight is the only trigger in the room.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

You know what I mean? Like the person that makes the scene that says the thing that isn't appropriate, they're highlighted as the problem, but we don't realize we're all being triggered in different ways.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Well, and that's why it's so important to talk about this now, because that way, like we talked about with the logic, you can kind of prepare yourself ahead of time.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

And exactly.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

I think as I've gone through my time with the compassion method, I've I've come to appreciate I had kind of like a love-hate thing with logic because this was really my go-to for all of my life. And I would try to just explain everything away with logic. Like explain my emotions away.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Yeah. Like, oh, you don't really feel bad. Like they didn't really mean it. People have it worse. Yeah, yeah. You know, in the grand scheme of all the suffering on the planet, that wasn't that big a deal.

SPEAKER_03 24:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

You know, there's always someone with the worst story, you know. So there's that, but but anymore I've come to really recognize like the absolute importance of both.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

You know, approaching it because Oh, I agree for sure.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Yeah. I mean, we're it's a marriage. We get to have our logic and our emotions equally having space.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

Yeah. And I think a lot of people feel guilty about, you know, thankfully, this isn't my situation, but I know from talking to people that they absolutely dread the holidays because they dread those family gatherings. Like they just dread it.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

Yeah. And working with clients, it's a very common. I mean, I would say it's a higher percentage of people, or at least equal, if not higher, percentage of people that are dreading it.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Yeah. And I think there's a lot of shame connected to that. They're like, you know, why do I feel so bad being around my family? I'm a bad person. I shouldn't. Dear my family. I should, I should love these people. You know what I'm saying? But the logic in it is that, you know, back to what we said at the very beginning, it makes total sense why those scenarios could be more triggering because they are the closest to your pain and the most history. You know, back to that.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

Back to that. And I and I know, you know, they always say it's always hardest at home. That's because where it's most real. It's where it's the most real. You can pretend, you can pretend in front of strangers. You can you can pretend at work.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Most people at work, you're not as close to their pain or they're as close to your pain as when you go home.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

To your family and and so on and so forth. And then, and then to compound it, a lot of the pain you're dealing with is you may have your parents there, you know, the ones who were supposed to be the givers of the 10 gifts. And them being there is a constant reminder of some need that you never had met. But with all of that said, we know it's not about any of them. Yeah. It's about what's going on in your heart, your pain. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

I was just thinking how like triggers for holidays could be kind of broken into two camps, or and they can, you know, both can be true. It's either the people that we're going to be involved in in the holiday or the holiday itself. I think that's important to differentiate only because some people may not necessarily be dreading the people. They may be dreading the expectations of the holidays. You know, you think about it for Christmas, there's so much charge there. You have to get the right presence, you have to have the right meals, you have to have the right people, you have to, you know, there's just so much that goes on there. So I was just going to clarify that because I feel like if some people are listening, they're like, well, I actually am okay with my family. I'm not dreading it, you know. It could also be the expectation for the holiday can be just as triggering as the people involved. And often it's both.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

Yeah. Well, I think that pressure I was talking about from last Thanksgiving is very common for people. I think it's very common. More so at Christmas because you have, you know, one of the freeing things about Thanksgiving is you don't have gifts.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

I know because you see so much trigger happening. I mean, this is coming out uh December 21st, right? Right before. So if you're listening to it right now, you've got four days to Christmas. Just think right now, did I get all my presents done? Did I miss anyone? Am I ready? Like I can just like eat my present good enough. Yeah, exactly. The feeling is probably tangible for so many of you listening today about the come in Christmas in four days. You probably don't even have time to listen to this to the end because you got to get Christmas ready.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Right, right. Yeah. So I mean, but as much as I say, oh, Thanksgiving's better because it doesn't have gifts, that's really not freedom.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

No, exactly. Remove that trigger, but you still have other triggers that are there.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Yes, we want to have the freedom to be okay, even if we have to get gifts.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Yeah. So yeah, I think you're you're spot on. It's it's both. And but also, you know, we talk about the the downside, like the I guess we want to call them negative triggers, but I hate I hate to even call them negative because they can lead to something very positive.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Yeah, and at the root of the negative trigger is precious you. So really, like that trigger is just you, your child self specifically saying help. So it's not so negative as it is painful, painful triggers.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Yeah. But Christmas for sure, because there would oftentimes be snow where I grew up. Christmas connects to also some of my best joy triggers.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Really? Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Like uh my grandma and grandpa always hosted Christmas. Like you always knew Thanksgiving was more of a rotation. You kind of really didn't know where you were gonna end up, but Christmas, every single time at my grandma and grandpa's, uh, my my mom's parents.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

That Midwest consistency.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

Yeah, it was like just a given. You knew where you were gonna be, and you could play the whole day out, and and you hoped there was snow because then there would be snowmobiling and sledding and all of that other fun stuff that goes along with it. And like when I think back on those memories, it almost feels like the day lasted just the like one day lasted for days. But it's like, no, I mean, it got dark already at five o'clock, you know, and then you you were probably only outside enjoying it for three or four hours, or even if even that. But if the memories are just so vivid and just, I mean, so amazing.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

So when I think about the joy of the season, like that, there's definitely joy triggers there. But as I've walked through this process with you, I realized I wouldn't let myself go there and feel those things.

SPEAKER_03 30:42

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 30:43

Because I'm so busy trying to block out the negative ones, just negative emotions.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

That's a good point. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

I would never let myself go there to actually feel good.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

Yeah. I and I bet that's true for so many of you that are listening, that it you have so there's even in the midst of the struggle and the tension and the expectations, there's beautiful moments happening that we either miss or can't acknowledge because we're seeing it through that lens of pain.

unknown 31:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

I like that you brought that up.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

Yeah, and something you told me too, um, when we when we did our one-on-one sessions, when I think about family, you know, family can be messy, obviously, for all these reasons we talked about. I I I kind of thought before I met with you that it was maybe just my family that would be messy at times. But I realize it's pretty much universal. Uh, I a family that's not messy, I think, is like the Truman show. Like it's not even real. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Family is messy. And I would I would get hung up on the mess, and and you told me this, which was so profound, and I never will forget it. You said, think about the nature of it, not the behavior of it.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

And I'm like, oh, wait, the nature of family is connection, it's love, it's sharing life together, the highs and the lows, and everything, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_00 32:17

Yeah, it's all there.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

And when I think about the nature of family, I'm like, it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

It is, it is so beautiful. And that actually kind of reminds me of something, you know, the were you finished with your thought on that? No, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

So when you think about we focus on the behavior because of our pain, of course. Most of the time when we go into the situation, we are setting up boundaries against beh against the person, not necessarily the behavior. We think we're putting boundaries up against the behavior, but often we're putting boundaries up against the person. And boundaries are very important. That's learning how to respect yourself, understand what you need and how to take care of yourself. But one of the things I commonly say is behavior, excuse me, boundaries are not against the person, they're against behaviors. But often when we're going into the holidays, we are trying to deep create a defense, put on our armor against all the behaviors, missing the person behind the behaviors.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

Yeah, and you know, when you talk about yeah, I mean, this is kind of tricky because there are the holidays had the holidays come so loaded. There's just so loaded. So there's these there's this one extreme of what you're talking about, and then there's the other extremes of like we talked about with uh the fawning and just the pressure to to do it all right, even though you don't really mind being around the people because there isn't that. Then you have what you're talking about now where there's that person that's there that is like um like in your mind, it's really high stakes and dangerous to be around the person because they are passive aggressive, they they just say something, anything they say seems to land wrong, and so on and so forth. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

And to pair it with the logic you were talking about, how we can actually prep for the holidays with logic.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

Most of the time, our logic says that person is dangerous.

SPEAKER_01 34:27

Stay away.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Stay away, don't talk to them. But what if or don't even go, or don't even go, exactly, or leave, or whatever, whatever defensive measures we have to put in place to protect ourselves, you know. But what if there was another way? What if you were actually able to stay present with yourself, okay, clear-minded, tender-hearted, at peace, and enjoy the person despite their behaviors. I know that seems impossible, especially if you're thinking of that one aunt, that one parent, that one sibling, you're like, uh-uh, not in this case, you know. You know, and maybe people really think that that person or in-law probably in laws. In laws are really in-laws are really popular to get triggered with. Um, but yeah, we just think like that person has no value and no worth because of their behavior.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Well, and we've you you know, you talk a lot about boundaries of being, you know, you want them ideally, you want them to be offensive, not defensive.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

Yes, for you, not against the other.

SPEAKER_01 35:31

Yeah. So you want to know that you can be at peace, even if you are in the same room with them.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Exactly. So you want your energy to not go outward to protect against whatever you're getting triggered by. You want your energy to come inward, to care for yourself, to be with yourself. Maybe you're not ready to be around that person. So you're going to take care of yourself by speaking the compassion phrases over your heart when you start to feel scared, when you start to feel uncertain, when you don't know what to do. Maybe you're going to take a bathroom break or walk outside for a minute and check in with yourself. What are you feeling? What are you needing? If we took the same energy that we take to defend from others, to take care of ourselves, it would change how we saw others. And even if it didn't, even if they still feel like the worst person in the world to us, we feel love, care, peace, safety. I'm okay. Even if you're not okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

Well, that's the superpower.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

That is the superpower, and it is so valuable that our our survival mechanism says I need to neglect myself to protect myself. But we want to be able to logically think ahead. I know I'm going to be so vulnerable with that person. So before Christmas comes, I'm going to be pouring into myself. I'm going to be going back to my child self and finding out why I'm really so scared of that person. I'm going to be giving myself compassion even if I can't figure it out. I'm going to say to myself, I'm going to be with you no matter what that person says or does, no matter what. I'm not going to leave you to go fight the other person. I'm going to stay with you no matter what.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

Yeah. And I think as part of that, that game plan, we know we know that the the bigger the trigger, the littler we are.

SPEAKER_02 37:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

So I recently went through a big trigger and I found it really, really helpful to return back to the child picture.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:55

And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

And maybe even your child picture around the holidays.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Find the photo album, find the Christmas, all those Christmas pictures, and go back and experience it through the eyes of that child and help her or him receive what he needs to receive or she needs to receive.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

Yeah. And remind yourself this is who you're fighting for.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Yep. This is who we're fighting for. When we, even if we had to leave the room or we had to leave the situation, we're not leaving because that person's so big and so horrible and so bad that we have to leave. We're leaving because our child self feels too scared in that moment to be present. Completely different. And this isn't about protecting the other person. We're not saying take care of yourself so you can always think good thoughts about the other person. It's not about the other person. For better or worse, it's not about the other person. It's about ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

Yeah. I had a friend who's been reading some of your material and he was so struggling with uh your concept of there's no victims or villains. And then he said to me, He's like, I finally got it. I finally get it, what she's saying. Because the more I make victims and villains, the less I take care of me.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

Exactly. And that is what we're fighting for. Because sometimes when we hear this, we're like, but you don't really understand how mean that person is or how bad that person is. And I do understand. I've experienced that before too. And it's very painful. And it feels out of control. And it feels helpless. And it feels scary. But also if you take care of you and you don't neglect yourself because of that person, we don't have to be a victim. And they don't seem like 20-foot tall villain that can steal my happiness.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

Right. Yeah, like I said, that's a superpower. Like because you don't want to live in a world where you have to constantly have to be micromanaging your external environment to be okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

Well, yeah, you can't. It's impossible. We're setting ourselves up for failure to logically think that we can control our environment to be okay. Whether that's for the holidays or any other time.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Well, you could say one thing you could control is like you could just not go. That's true. But then you kind of miss out. Then you miss out because you're But I feel like you're still losing.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

You know what I mean? Like, yes, you protected yourself from the pain and the trigger by not going, but then you missed out on so much because usually it's one person or a couple people that are really difficult. You missed out on everything else by not going. And that's okay if you can't go. I've not gone to certain things because I didn't feel like I was in a place where I was okay. And so I took care of myself by saying, at this place point, I don't feel like I can go there. And that's okay. So it's not like you should or shouldn't do this, but you to know that you're able to.

SPEAKER_03 40:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

And what I say is making a choice from your true self, not your triggered self. My triggered self says, I'm not going to that holiday. But my true self says, I'd really like to go.

SPEAKER_01 41:09

Well, and if you're making it from your true self, it's offensive.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

Yeah. You you you've you've made the decision as an offensive move for your heart, not as a defensive, like, I just can't be around scary people or hurtful people. Exactly. Yeah. So I think as a as a game plan, you know, one of the things that you give as homework, and I kind of position this as just exercise like calisthenics for your emotional health, you do this what you call the attunement self-attunment exercise. So I think even though like we're right on top of Christmas, doing that attunement before you get into these holiday things would be really good because the more connected you can get to your inner world, yeah, the higher probability of actually enjoying this beautiful thing called the holidays.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

Yeah, exactly. I think like that's a uh great idea. I think another good idea is, you know, we're recording this right before Thanksgiving, but by the time you hear this, it's gonna be right before Christmas. If you had some difficulties during your Thanksgiving holiday, you have some fresh triggers to be able to walk through to help prepare you on an emotional level for the holiday. So that's actually a logical, even though it's gonna connect to your emotions. It's a logical thing that you can do to prep from kind of the back end of your triggers before you go into Christmas.

SPEAKER_03 42:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

What were your common triggers at Thanksgiving? We might have said some of them. Maybe you have completely different ones. But whatever those triggers are, they're fresh. So take the time to take care of them. Even if you're going to be with different people for the holiday, the trigger is most likely going to repeat itself because the triggers within you, it's your wound, no matter what people you're with.

SPEAKER_01 43:11

Yeah, work the remote control exercise.

unknown 43:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:14

You know, and another thing that's really apparent, and it's sounds kind of weird, but the the more subtle triggers are the absolute hardest ones to deal with. Yeah. Because that's where the attunement is so like the self-attunment exercise, which just briefly explain that real quick. The self-attunment exercise.

SPEAKER_00 43:36

A tell self-attunment exercise is five minutes of just being in tune with your body, your mind, your heart, and your true self. So it's just paying attention. Those are each telling us different messages and experiences that when we pay attention to, it attunes us to where we're at in that moment. And um, the the fifth minute is actually just being quiet for a whole minute, which we very rarely ever do. But that quiet for the minute allows us to be more in tune. Then we pay attention for one full minute about what our body's feeling, one full minute, full minute about what our thoughts are. A lot of times we have lots of thoughts going on, but we're not even paying attention to what we're actually thinking. And then what our emotions are, and then ending with your true self, coming home to okay, what's one word? That I can connect with. That's who I am for this holiday season. And then when you step in to wherever you're going, you're already aware, you're already attuned. You're ultimately already on your own team to go through whatever you're going to go through. Versus walking into it, having all these things go on that you don't even know that are happening. Even if because sometimes we have fears, we have struggles that are even subconscious that we're not even thinking about. But when you become more aware of what you're feeling and what you're thinking, then you can actually go, okay, hey, oh, I'm feeling really lonely right now. So when I walk into this room, I'm probably gonna feel lonely with these people. But if I can recognize, because I'm attuned to myself that I'm feeling lonely, I can either take care of it or at least be aware of it. So when I walk into the room, I know I'm feeling lonely, which is gonna probably make me feel like I don't belong. I'm not accepted, nobody gets me, nobody understands, I feel misunderstood because I'm actually feeling lonely on a base childhood level, walking into my family's home. So now even if I don't know exactly what to do or how to take care of it, I'm aware.

SPEAKER_01 45:50

Yeah. For me personally, I'll be doing the preparation of the part of me on the performing and having to have everything be perfect.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

And so you're already aware of that, you're already attuned to it. So then you might need to do it a couple times as preparation. You know, if you're listening to this right now, do that five minutes today, do it tomorrow, do it the next day.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

You know, the the tempting thing is where you know where I want to go is right to I I want to go straight to logic. I'm gonna be like, okay, no, I'm gonna have this planned out. So I'm gonna have planned out every meal and I'm gonna have people assigned to meals and people assigned to clear.

SPEAKER_00 46:28

Yeah, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 46:29

I'm like, I'm not gonna do it all myself this time. And I'm even gonna have people go get groceries. I'm not gonna do it all. And I'm like, okay, wait a second, though. That's that's that's still not actually taking care of my heart.

SPEAKER_00 46:41

Yay, good. And I love that.

SPEAKER_01 46:44

Like with the old me, that's all it. I'm just like, I just didn't plan well enough.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Practically figure this out, and that's how we will solve this problem. But guess what? If you don't take care of yourself and you're not attuned to yourself, what's gonna happen is you're gonna set it all up. And guess what? Someone's not gonna do their job. Someone's going to mess something up.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

Well, at least I have someone to blame.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

Yes, that is very helpful. You're like, now I can't blame myself. Now it's on you. That feels lots better.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

Well, what I'm really recognizing is this is this has been interesting as we've been going through this, is how hard it is for me to ask for help. So I'll give you an example. Yesterday, um uh I had to tear down a shed, an old utility shed at the house that my daughter is in the process of buying. And they won't close on the loan until this utility shed's torn down. So um, I happen to own the house right now, so I do feel the responsibility that that's my job. But I was like just gonna do it all myself. And um both of my daughter's fiances just kind of came along and helped me do it. And afterwards, I was like, oh my gosh, it was so much easier having these two 20-year-olds. Physically in their 20s, you know, to help.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

Physically, but also relationship. Yes, both, yeah, because could you physically do it? Yes, would it be harder? Of course.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

Yeah, it took us three hours with the three of us. It would have taken me like eight hours by myself, but I would have got it done. I would have, and I would have.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

But you also would have been by yourself, yes, you know, and what happened during that time? You guys probably joked around a little bit, you guys problem solved, you guys worked side by side, you know, like there's something in that that's so beautiful that you're missing out. And nobody got because of the fear of asking for help. That is really good.

SPEAKER_01 48:36

It was like there was chainsaws and there was big tools and a mall and like nails sticking up everywhere, and nobody got hurt. Amazingly, yeah. Although I was massively sore this morning, but so sore, like during the night I could hardly sleep sore. Like I was sore.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

It's a different type of movement, it's different for sure.

SPEAKER_01 48:57

But yeah, the um yeah, how hard it is for me to ask for help. And um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:05

And that's such a thing, such an important thing to identify for Christmas because it's not just making a schedule and having everyone do it. It's like, I need you, I want you. I want to do this together. So it's not just a defensive so I don't get burnt out like last Thanksgiving, it's so that we can actually have relationship and connection.

SPEAKER_01 49:28

Yeah. And asking for help is so hard because it's weakness.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

Mm-hmm. And you should be able to do it yourself. It's not at all. But that's what the trigger tells you. The wound says, This is weakness, you're not supposed to ask for help.

SPEAKER_01 49:42

Hammer.

SPEAKER_00 49:43

Instead of saying, This is actually strong to ask for help. This is gonna create relationship and connection.

SPEAKER_01 49:49

And even if there is a breakdown in the process, no, I don't know that I can go so far as to say it's strong to ask for help. But what what but what I can do is I can see the little me and be like, I'm fighting for him. And it's like well, that's what makes it strong though. He's terrified to ask for help. It's just hard to see. I'm not saying you're wrong, Laura. Okay, I just we are all at different levels of revelation, okay?

SPEAKER_00 50:18

And my level of revelation's not weakness, but I don't know if I've gotten to the place that it's strength.

SPEAKER_01 50:23

Exactly, right? Like to say that, oh, you're a strong guy because you asked for help. I'm like, yeah, I don't know about that yet. But but I do see that it is not kind to not ask for help. It is not kind to the little me. It's not kind to constantly put that much pressure on me exactly to frickin' do everything, you know. And um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:48

And just starting there.

SPEAKER_01 50:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:50

Learning to be kind, being kind with yourself on Christmas.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

And maybe in 20 years I'll have your strength where I will say, it's strong to ask for help. You know what? It is strong to sit on the couch all day and do nothing. That's that would be very strong for you. That would that's strength. Okay. All right. I believe that I'm moving in that direction more so.

SPEAKER_00 51:18

I think you are too. I mean, just that first step of recognizing it's not a weakness is huge. When you're programming, when you're early childhood development, because you're modeling after your dad, you're modeling after your mom, you're modeling after your experiences during early childhood development.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

And man, my family can work.

SPEAKER_00 51:34

Yes. And so my family can work, they would consider it weak to not be able to do your part and more. So for you to be able and the programming, it's programmed into your brain to not ask for help and to have to be so strong on your own. But for you just to recognize it's not weak to ask for help is extraordinary.

SPEAKER_01 51:56

I'm even gonna ask for help putting together the meal schedule.

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Wow, you're taking it to the next level. I'm gonna go do it right now.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

Yeah. I'm like, as soon as we're done, my daughter works with me. I'm going in her office, put together the works, put together a meal plan. So yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 52:12

No, it's good. And those are the things. And like we've said through this whole thing, like we usually think it's our families, we usually think it's others, the in-laws, etc. But really at the end of the day, it's everything to do with us, which is actually so empowering. You're not going by your presence or your lack of your presence or your boundaries, you're not gonna change another human. You're not gonna be able to control another human to behave the way that you believe that they should behave towards yourself or others. But what you can do is take care of yourself so well that you can be okay even if they have behavior that's not healthy.

SPEAKER_01 52:57

Mm-hmm. Like they don't pick up after themselves.

SPEAKER_00 53:01

Mm-hmm. You're like, I'm getting a list going.

SPEAKER_01 53:04

I gotta go on, I can already see it. Yeah, the dishes don't get done.

SPEAKER_00 53:08

I'm so happy though that you realize, because this is what a lot of people do, they'll be like, oh, I was burnt out on this holiday. So this holiday, people will do that. No presents or this holiday, you know, I'm gonna delegate, and this holiday, I'm gonna do these things.

SPEAKER_01 53:19

I'm gonna create whatever things I can do to modify managing your pain without actually facing it.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

Yeah, exactly. And that doesn't mean that we can't put practical things in place, that's wise. But no matter what you put in place, if you haven't taken care of yourself, it's not going to work effectively.

SPEAKER_01 53:41

Yeah, well, yeah, and you're gonna miss out. You're gonna miss out on the nature of it. Yeah, you're gonna miss out on the nature of the holiday.

SPEAKER_00 53:50

The nature of the thing is, there's so much beauty there, even in even in very difficult families. I guarantee you if you're taking care of yourself and you're able to walk into any environment, you'll see beauty, you'll have joy, you'll have peace. Even in the hardest situations, it's always there. We just don't have eyes to see it because the lens that we're looking through is our pain.

SPEAKER_01 54:17

Yeah. No, that's good. Yeah. Well, there's lots of homework there, and some of you only have four days to do it, so you better get on it. No pressure, no trigger there, no trigger there.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

No, no, but I would recommend you know, we have four days till Christmas as you're listening to this. Some of this has probably resonated with you.

SPEAKER_01 54:37

And if we are and if we are good, we will get this out before four days for Christmas because we could even give you a little more breathing room. I think that would be nice.

SPEAKER_00 54:46

We're gonna try to get it out a little sooner.

SPEAKER_01 54:47

We'll get it out a little sooner.

SPEAKER_00 54:48

Yeah, no, it'd be nice to be able to have a little bit more time to be able to process it. And so the let's hit the different points, and I might forget some, so remind me. So, some of the holiday prep that you can do is to be able to identify what they how you were triggered during Thanksgiving and use the remote control exercise to walk through some of those triggers that you had. Number two, you can go back childhood pictures around Christmas, what your relationship with Christmas is, what your expectations are, what your lack is. Remember the 10 gifts, which is I you connected to Christmas. What kind of Christmas gifts, emotional Christmas gifts, do you need to be able to go into the holidays? Being able to identify what your lack is, especially when you were a child, your relationship with Christmas and your pain points around it. And then being able to do that five-minute exercise specifically before you go into any holiday, but maybe practicing it a little bit before. So you're starting to be aware you can take care of some of those triggers, but specifically doing it before you go into the holiday and maybe even during the holiday. What I like to do when I'm in environments that I sometimes get triggered in is when I go to the bathroom, it's my check-in point. Even if I'm not having fun, I'll still ask myself, what's going on? Even if you don't have to go to the bathroom. Exactly. That's right. And um, and actually, I really like those times because it helps.

SPEAKER_01 56:14

Or went to the bathroom like like eight times this hour. What's going on?

SPEAKER_00 56:19

It's the eggnog.

SPEAKER_01 56:19

It's the eggnog. It's too much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:21

One of my favorite things about taking the five-minute exercise is not just triggers, it's being present.

SPEAKER_03 56:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:27

If you feel like because of either pain triggers or just busyness or holiday triggers, that you're just whizzing through it, trying to do it all, make sure it's all okay. Whenever I take that five minutes, it helps me not just be attuned to the pain I'm experiencing, but also the joy. So I'll even ask myself, how are you doing? I'll be like, great. How do you feel? I feel you can do the physical, mental, and emotional triggers around joy to be more present and connected to those moments as much as you can do around pain. And I think that covered it. Was there any other things that we were saying that could help prep?

SPEAKER_01 57:02

The only thing I would it's kind of a help prep, you know, you talked about connecting to those pictures and kind of the lack, but also know that this isn't just about the lack. We actually are dealing with the lack so you can experience the joy and the wonder. Yes, exactly. And the nature of it, not just the behavior of it. That's why we're actually dealing with the lack.

SPEAKER_00 57:26

Yes, this is the whole goal. That's what I told you in the very beginning when I was doing a recap of my story of beginning the compassion method. I thought I was doing it just for the pain. So, in light of the holidays, we think we're doing all those things just to get through the holidays, but we're not just getting through the holidays. We're actually our goal is to be present and connected to ourselves so we can be present and connected to others. And then we get experience the joy and the wonder and the awe that Christmas is meant to help us, the nature of family that we're able to experience because not only we taking care of our pain, we're also present and aware of the joy.

SPEAKER_01 58:10

I love it. I'm excited. I'm excited. I know actually, I have like I have like a couple different things in my head right now that I'm like, Well, I'm excited because I do like to plan, so I got that to go, you know, so I can plan, but I'm excited to uh see this opportunity to um go deeper into my heart and take care of that part of me that has me always wanting to perform and do.

SPEAKER_00 58:31

Yeah, so exactly. So another layer of the onion. If you're listening to this and you've been triggered by anything we've talked about, it's an opportunity to take time with whatever stood out to you. Remember, you can be triggered by a person, the holiday itself, the weather, finances, in-laws. There's so many different things that you can be triggered by that you get the opportunity to say, okay, is my best.

SPEAKER_01 59:01

Your football team.

SPEAKER_00 59:02

Your football team. I know it gets serious.

SPEAKER_01 59:04

Serious, very serious, deadly serious for a lot of people. I won't say me or who I won't name any names, but can be deadly serious.

SPEAKER_00 59:13

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:15

All right. Well, thank you, Laura, for sharing your heart with us.

SPEAKER_00 59:18

Yeah, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas connected to themselves.

SPEAKER_01 59:23

Absolutely. Thank you, everyone, for joining us and all the best. Bye-bye. Thank you again for joining us for this episode of Triggered and True. We hope that you enjoyed it. As a reminder, if you would like to ask a question, go to triggeredandtrue.com, scroll down to the bottom of the page, and click ask. And if you would like to learn more about the compassion method, be sure to check out the Compassion Method Master Course, which can be purchased at compassionmethod.net. And as a podcast listener, you qualify for a $50 discount, which can be obtained by typing in the coupon code podcast50. Again, that's compassionmethod.net, coupon code podcast50. Thank you again. Goodbye.