Thriving After Trauma
Hosted by Trauma Transformation & Energy Coach, Jaci Rogash, Thriving After Trauma is a podcast about real life stories of transformation, navigating life and being able to show up in the world as your unapologetic self. We’ll talk about the ups, the downs, the ugly truths and the magical moments that we all experience, but often feel we can’t share, so we can bring to life the importance of having meaningful conversations and embracing our own journey in this crazy thing we call life.
Thriving After Trauma
Why parents need to talk about parenting
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Parenting is such an incredible experience, and it can also be bloody hard, and with social media experts telling and promoting what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, it’s not surprising that some of us, me included, sometimes feel shame when we don’t do things perfectly or how we would like.
There is great power in being able to have open, honest and vulnerable conversations in a safe, non-judgemental environment. In this episode I share more on that and why Parenting with Trauma is so needed right now.
Starts next week, Monday 4th May. If you would like to be part of a 5-week supportive group coaching experience for you to step away from the mental load, pressure and overwhelm parenting can create, calm your nervous system and feel more confident and connected to yourself AND your family.
Join Parenting with Trauma
https://www.jacirogash.com/parentingwithtrauma
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Transcript
00:00:00
Welcome to Thriving After Trauma, a podcast to help you move beyond surviving and support you to truly thrive in every area of your life.
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Sometimes it's scary to claim your big desires because of your past.
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This podcast will give you the courage to put yourself first and make your dreams a priority.
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I'm Jaci, an award-winning trauma transformation coach, breathwork facilitator and international speaker.
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I am so excited to bring you these deep, honest and real conversations as a way of supporting you to truly thrive after trauma.
00:00:32
Parents need to talk about parenting.
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People need to talk about their experiences.
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It's so important.
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It's why coaches exist.
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It's why psychologists exist, counsellors, family, friends.
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It's why humans need human interaction.
00:00:48
We need to talk about what
00:00:50
we go through, what we experience, what is happening, how we're feeling.
00:00:55
We all go through, I want to say the same things, but as parents, we all go through very similar things.
00:01:04
But obviously for everybody, it's different, right?
00:01:06
Nobody ever experiences the same thing as someone else.
00:01:10
But when we think about parenting, there are fundamentals that every parent has to navigate.
00:01:18
And then there are the intricacies that we don't necessarily talk about that we all experience.
00:01:27
There are a lot of experts out there in the world that preach certain things.
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If you look at social media, people tell you to do something a certain way and they make you believe that is the only way that you can do it.
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You must do this.
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You must do that.
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If you don't do this, that's bad.
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If you don't do this, that's wrong.
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This is the right way of doing something.
00:01:48
And when we, as humans behave, or as humans and parents, when we behave in a way that feels misaligned with what we're told, or maybe even what we believe, because I look at some things on social media and I'm like, that's a really good idea.
00:02:05
I really like that.
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That's great.
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And I'm like, I'm going to do that from now on.
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I'm going to implement that.
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And then when I do something differently or behave in a way that isn't aligned or I get reactive, there's a part of me that feels a little bit of shame about that.
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It's like, oh, you know, I didn't want to do this.
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I didn't want to get to this point.
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I didn't want to go through this again.
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And I know that I'm not the only one.
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I know that there are other parents out there who think the same thing.
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We have a
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thought and belief of how we want to parent.
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And sometimes, because surprisingly, we're human, we're not always, we're not perfect, right?
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So we don't do it perfectly.
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And it's funny, I speak about how I am always shown what I teach.
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Like whenever I have something in mind or I'm planning something or doing a masterclass or anything like that, like this is going to be really good.
00:03:06
The universe has a way of putting me through it, right?
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I walk what I teach and it's partly why I end up teaching and sharing and coaching and working on what I do because it's something that I go through and then I focus on that because I see the threads that everybody else.
00:03:24
And since I decided to run Parenting with Trauma, the five-way group coaching space for parents,
00:03:33
I have been shown time and time again that this space is needed.
00:03:39
there are things that I've been going through where it's like, oh, we do just need a space to talk.
00:03:46
I did a breath work recently with this beautiful, beautiful human and we'd never met before.
00:03:53
But as soon as we greeted each other, it was effortless and easy.
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You know, we came in, we sat down, we started sharing and
00:04:02
instantly, like without prompt, it just turned to parenting.
00:04:05
And as we were talking, we're both just, sharing different parts about parenting and challenges and struggles and what we wanted.
00:04:12
And we're both just nodding and agreeing.
00:04:15
And it was just this really potent reminder that parents need to talk about this.
00:04:22
We need a space where we can
00:04:26
speak and share about our experiences, about how we're feeling, about what's going on without judgment.
00:04:34
And more so than that, like, it's about being seen.
00:04:39
Again, I feel like we have to put on this facade.
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We wear masks when we're parents.
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You know, I spent 15 years wearing masks about who I was as a person, and I don't do that anymore.
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But parenting, you know, there's still days where I'm like, oh,
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if we have a rough drop off at childcare, I feel like, I have to behave in a certain way or speak in a certain way.
00:05:03
And not that I ever just berate my kids for the sake of it, but sometimes it's like, oh, what will people think of me?
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Right?
00:05:10
That fear of judgment is very, very present because not everybody does that.
00:05:15
And also, but not everyone's kid is the same.
00:05:17
You know, this morning, the day of recording this, I was taking Hunter and
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trying to get him to just walk into childcare is a bit of a thing at the moment.
00:05:26
And we had a deal that if he just walked in, that he can watch some TV after school.
00:05:32
And as we got there, was this another child who, I think it was their first day, who was just screaming hysterically, clinging to their mum.
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And I'm like, that was once me and that has been me.
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But today it's not me.
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You know, and I have no idea what that
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child's parent was thinking or feeling, well, I can imagine what she was feeling because it was intense.
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But it's like, what do we do?
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What do we do?
00:05:58
And then what do we do with how we feel after that?
00:06:02
Again, we need a space to talk.
00:06:06
And what I noticed with this person that I did breath work with, it was just so effortless.
00:06:11
It was so inviting and it was, you know, honestly, it was refreshing.
00:06:15
It was refreshing to have a conversation like that.
00:06:20
And again, reminded, parenting with trauma needs to be here.
00:06:24
Parents need a space where they can let it all out, as much or as little as they want, where they can talk about their needs not being met or considered or dismissed, where the silly thing that their kid did made them react in a really big way about their partner not getting it.
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And
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That's all part of the reason why I created Parenting with Trauma.
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It's not a ***** sesh.
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We're not going just to ***** and moan and complain.
00:06:57
In fact, it's the opposite, right?
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We bottle so much up.
00:07:03
We bottle so much up and then it builds and it builds and it builds and it explodes.
00:07:09
It's part of the reason I believe that parents can be so reactive because we don't have a space to kind of decompress.
00:07:16
We don't have people to talk to that we can just kind of let it all out.
00:07:22
Talking about things is one strategy to help de-stress, to reduce the load, to calm your nervous system, to feel seen and supported and held by other people.
00:07:37
And the important part of that is you need to be seen, supported and held by other people who aren't going to judge you.
00:07:44
know, we've all been there.
00:07:46
We've all been there and we've all done things.
00:07:48
And, you know, there's been posts recently around different styles of parenting over different decades and generations and stuff like that.
00:07:59
You know, I'm sure if you're listening to this, if you think about how your parents were to you,
00:08:07
the different, or how you're trying to parent differently.
00:08:09
Like what are the things that you're trying to do differently that you don't want your kids to experience?
00:08:14
We all have it, right?
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And then there is part of us that worries that we're not doing enough.
00:08:20
That we're not doing it right.
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That we're going to **** them up in some way.
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And that makes me so sad.
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Makes me so sad.
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And also, I know that I'm doing the best that I can.
00:08:34
I know that I'm a
00:08:35
really good mum, but I know that I don't always get it right.
00:08:38
I know that some days are just too much for me to embrace the happy moments or, let's slide the, annoying habits or behaviors of little kids.
00:08:53
But at the end of the day, I go to bed knowing that I've done the best that I can.
00:08:57
And if I ever do something that I feel wasn't right,
00:09:04
I apologize.
00:09:06
I mend that relationship.
00:09:08
I talk about it with my kids.
00:09:11
It's not something that I'm like, oh, I've done this.
00:09:13
I'll just pretend it didn't happen.
00:09:15
Again, I spent 15 years, 20 years sweeping my problems under the rug or sweeping my guilt or my shame or the things that I've done wrong under the rug, hoping that no one would find out.
00:09:25
And I'm not going to do that with my kids.
00:09:27
I want them to know that they can talk to me and I'm going to talk to them as well.
00:09:30
So if I do something that I really am not happy with,
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I'll apologize.
00:09:36
I'm not above apologizing to a kid.
00:09:39
And I know that there are some people out there who be like, oh, no, you shouldn't do that.
00:09:42
Like, you're the parent.
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That doesn't mean that I'm not the parent.
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It means that I respect them.
00:09:51
And again, whether you agree with that or not, that's up to you.
00:09:56
know, we all have differences of opinions.
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And I know that
00:09:59
My views are not for everyone, but also my views on parenting can be completely different to someone else's.
00:10:04
That doesn't mean that we can't come and share and talk about it, right?
00:10:09
If someone came and said they were beating their child, that's probably a bit different.
00:10:13
Not okay, not okay.
00:10:16
But when we're talking about what we need as humans, as well as parents, that's a conversation we all need to have, right?
00:10:26
A space where we can normalize
00:10:29
how we feel and not making ourselves wrong for it.
00:10:32
But more importantly than anything, parenting for trauma felt so needed for me as a space for parents to just have for themselves, to be supported themselves, to focus on what they want, how they're feeling, what's coming up for them, what would they like to change, what would they like to do differently?
00:10:58
and the power of group session, the power of group coaching is phenomenal.
00:11:02
Once upon a time, I thought I was only ever interested in one-on-one coaching.
00:11:06
And then I started group coaching, or I did a group coaching space.
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And the insight that I got from other people and being in community with people was so incredible.
00:11:19
So incredible.
00:11:22
Because it's a space, it shows you that you can come somewhere and just be accepted as who you are.
00:11:28
but also you learn from other people.
00:11:30
you might be focusing on one thing and then someone else brings a different thing to the call.
00:11:36
So let's say, for example, let me like make this real instead of just talking about things.
00:11:43
If someone, if you come to the call and you're like, I'm just so overwhelmed right now and parenting feels like a lot and I feel like I'm doing it all and I just don't know how to get out of this fight or flight mode, that might be what you're coming to the call with.
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if you join parenting with trauma.
00:11:58
You might be like, this is, I'm just overwhelmed.
00:12:00
I need some strategies to help me ease this load so I don't feel like I'm just, you know, constantly waiting for something to go wrong.
00:12:09
That's what you're coming with.
00:12:11
And before you speak, someone else that's in their group shares and they share that they've noticed that they're reacting really quickly.
00:12:20
So if
00:12:22
their child is saying no a lot.
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And every time they say no that they see red, they're like, what are you talking, and they react without thinking about it.
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And they're like, hang on, they're just, this is part of their development.
00:12:33
And so while you're sitting here thinking about overwhelm, while you're listening to the other parent talking about their reactivity, you find that thread, you find that connection.
00:12:45
And so what I coach and talk to this other parent about may also resonate for you.
00:12:51
So you're getting more, you're getting more lessons, you're having deeper insight than just that one thing, which is what happens in one-on-one coaching, right?
00:13:05
You come in and it's all about what you think.
00:13:06
And without someone else to bring something different, you might not get to that.
00:13:10
So you're coming in and we're like, we're still going to talk about your overwhelm, but you've also had insight and strategies into reactivity and how you might be able to navigate through that.
00:13:20
This is the power of group coaching.
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You get lessons and insights that you never expected.
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This is also the power of parenting with trauma.
00:13:30
It is 5 weeks where you have dedicated time every Monday night at 7.30pm for 90 minutes where we sit down and we talk and we share and you have a space to exhale.
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you might be coming to the call with just the biggest celebration.
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You're like, I have just had the best week for myself, for my family, for my kids, for everyone, and I want to share that with someone.
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I want you to bring that there.
00:14:00
You might be bringing overwhelm and you're like, I just, you know, you might just want to cry.
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You can do all of that as well.
00:14:07
So we do that in the calls.
00:14:10
The other little.
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potent and really powerful part of parenting with trauma is each week there is a little action, challenge, invitation for you to walk with throughout the week.
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And because of those, even when we're not together, you're taking steps, you're helping yourself move forward to become the person that you want to be.
00:14:41
So parenting trauma, yes, it is a space for parents to come and talk, but it's also about supporting you become the version of yourself that you want to be.
00:14:48
That is what coaching is.
00:14:51
Parenting takes up so much space, emotionally, energetically, physically, all of it.
00:15:00
But we don't create enough time for ourselves.
00:15:03
We don't dedicate enough space to ourselves because we feel like we can't or we feel like there's too much to do or
00:15:10
A million and one other reasons.
00:15:14
So if you are listening to this, I feel like I just would love to be there.
00:15:21
I would just really like the idea of having 90 minutes to not be bothered because you're going to tell your kids, you're going to tell your fam that for 90 minutes every Monday for five weeks, you're unavailable.
00:15:34
And if you're a single parent, hopefully the kids are in bed.
00:15:36
If they're not, they can come and then go to bed.
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Right?
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But this is a space for you.
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This is a space for parents to come and talk and exhale.
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And most importantly, be supported.
00:15:51
Often parents, particularly women, but not only women, not only women, but we carry so much and we're there for everybody else and we hold it for everybody.
00:16:03
Parenting with trauma is about letting me hold and support you.
00:16:07
So you can let down those walls.
00:16:09
You can let down the pressure, you can let go of the stress and just be deeply supported.
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So we start next week, 4th of May, Monday night, 7.30.
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If you would like to join us, please do it now so you don't miss out.
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But I would love to see you there.
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If you have any questions, reach out.
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If not, the link to join is in the show notes below.
00:16:33
Otherwise, you can head to jacirogash.com forward slash parenting with trauma.
00:16:38
Simple.
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And that, my friends, is something that I believe needed to be said.
00:16:46
We all need spaces where we are welcome and invited to share and speak and explore what's truly going on for us.
00:16:55
Parenting with trauma is that space.