Thriving After Trauma
Hosted by Trauma Transformation & Energy Coach, Jaci Rogash, Thriving After Trauma is a podcast about real life stories of transformation, navigating life and being able to show up in the world as your unapologetic self. We’ll talk about the ups, the downs, the ugly truths and the magical moments that we all experience, but often feel we can’t share, so we can bring to life the importance of having meaningful conversations and embracing our own journey in this crazy thing we call life.
Thriving After Trauma
40 lessons in 40 years
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
I turned 40 on the weekend - not sure how that happened..
But as a way of celebrating me and my time on earth, I sat down and recorded 40 lessons I’ve learned in 40 years.
They’re in no particular order, but to get an insight into me, this is certainly a great ep to listen to.
Connect with me:
Transcript
00:00:00
Welcome to Thriving After Trauma, a podcast to help you move beyond surviving and support you to truly thrive in every area of your life.
00:00:09
Sometimes it's scary to claim your big desires because of your past.
00:00:12
This podcast will give you the courage to put yourself first and make your dreams a priority.
00:00:17
I'm Jackie, an award-winning trauma transformation coach, breathwork facilitator and international speaker.
00:00:24
I am so excited to bring you these deep, honest and real conversations as a way of supporting you to truly thrive after trauma.
00:00:31
Hello, from me and my wildly big hair if you are watching this on video.
00:00:39
Welcome to my 199th episode.
00:00:44
Holy **** that's insane.
00:00:47
That is insane, especially given I had like
00:00:51
the best part of a two year break, the fact that, five years later, this is still all happening feels so special, so, special.
00:01:00
On the weekend, I turned 40.
00:01:03
I think I've been in denial for that for a really long time.
00:01:05
I don't know, there's something about being 40 makes me feel like I'm old and it's kind of been, my birthday's kind of been hijacked because of our wedding.
00:01:15
So we officially got married
00:01:18
the week before.
00:01:18
So last week, weekend just gone, I turned 40 and we're heading to Bali this week to have our official wedding, if you will, or our celebration.
00:01:30
So I've been reflecting and while I have learned so many more than 40 lessons, I thought a really fun episode to celebrate my 40th birthday is to share
00:01:46
lessons with you that I've learned during my time on this planet.
00:01:54
So these are in no particular order.
00:01:58
They are things that have just come to me that I feel are important that I've been making notes on for a while.
00:02:03
So let's dive in.
00:02:05
Number one, healing isn't some shiny, glossy, easy thing that you do so you can post it on the gram.
00:02:13
Sorry.
00:02:15
It's not healing, deep healing, transformation, changing habits, patterns, behaviors.
00:02:21
It is not easy.
00:02:23
It is not effortless.
00:02:25
It is not shiny.
00:02:27
When you do this work properly and honestly, you will feel everything.
00:02:34
You'll feel rage, you will feel tears, you will feel joy, you will feel shame, guilt, you know, like everything.
00:02:41
You'll feel pride.
00:02:43
Every emotion that you can feel, you will have, right?
00:02:47
And there are some people that promote it as I healed and look at my life and they act as if healing was just effortless and easy.
00:02:53
And it's like, that's rubbish, you know?
00:02:58
Number 2, all emotions are healthy.
00:03:01
All emotions are healthy.
00:03:02
We are brought up with this story of
00:03:05
certain emotions aren't good.
00:03:06
Oh, that's bad.
00:03:07
It's bad to feel that way or that's not a healthy emotion or whatever it is.
00:03:10
And all emotions are healthy and all emotions are needed because as soon as you suppress some of the emotions that you're feeling, you're suppressing part of yourself.
00:03:19
Number 3, you need to allow yourself to feel in order to move past something.
00:03:26
If you experience anything negative,
00:03:30
You need to be able to feel it.
00:03:32
You need to allow yourself the time and space to feel it or it is going to continue to be there.
00:03:38
Because if you're not feeling, you're suppressing.
00:03:41
Number 4, acceptance and presence are required if you want to create a life of fulfillment.
00:03:48
Acceptance and presence are required.
00:03:52
You need to remain present because if you aren't present, how can you feel fulfilled?
00:03:57
And you can't be present
00:04:00
if you don't have acceptance of the past.
00:04:03
So acceptance and presence are so needed if you want fulfillment in your life.
00:04:11
Number 5, you won't be completely happy unless you're giving back or contributing in some way.
00:04:16
This is a pretty bold statement, I would say, but what I've noticed is until I had or was contributing, I'd always wanted to help people.
00:04:29
And it was only honestly when I started coaching and actually no before that, I used to be on the executive team for a not-for-profit who did adventure parks for underprivileged kids.
00:04:42
And that was the first time I was like, oh my God, this is what it is to give back, right?
00:04:47
This is what it is.
00:04:49
And I honestly believe that unless we have some kind of contribution or we're contributing to others somewhere in our life,
00:04:59
we won't be completely happy.
00:05:01
Number 6, if you want to move beyond trauma and sabotaging behaviour, you have to take radical responsibility for your actions.
00:05:11
If you want to move beyond your trauma or sabotaging behaviour, you have to take radical responsibility for your actions.
00:05:16
Now this is not to say that things that you've experienced are your fault.
00:05:23
Absolutely not saying that.
00:05:25
But you have to take responsibility for what happened, what happened afterwards, what you choose to do now and how you're showing up.
00:05:35
No one else can do that for you.
00:05:37
So if you want to move beyond that, you have to take radical responsibility for you.
00:05:44
Never be too proud to apologize and it's never too late to apologize.
00:05:48
Sometimes in the moment it can be like, I'm not apologizing to them.
00:05:51
I haven't done anything wrong.
00:05:53
And that may be the case.
00:05:54
And if that's
00:05:55
True?
00:05:56
Great.
00:05:57
But if you do something and you're like, oh, that doesn't feel good, apologize, right?
00:06:05
Like no one is going to think less of you if you apologize.
00:06:09
And similarly, if you have something that you can't seem to move past or get over that's still coming up from the past, just apologize.
00:06:21
It was a few years ago now
00:06:23
I had this, and it's happened a couple of times to me, if I'm honest, where, I've spent a lot of time healing, right?
00:06:31
A lot of time.
00:06:32
But every now and again, I just have like this memory come up.
00:06:36
And that memory lives with me.
00:06:38
Like it does not go away.
00:06:40
And it's like, **** this is annoying.
00:06:42
And I had one, and I've shared this before previously, but if you're new here, I'll share it again.
00:06:47
I, very embarrassingly, when I was 15,
00:06:52
My best friend at the time had stolen my boyfriend.
00:06:58
Neither of us are with him now, so it's fine to share.
00:07:01
And I got sick, like I was sick, but because I was jealous of and ****** *** about what had happened, I told her that I was dying.
00:07:16
I wasn't dying and I just, I cringe at the fact that I did, but I said, I'm really sick and if something doesn't happen, like I could die.
00:07:25
I'd seem so ludicrous to share that right now.
00:07:27
But anyway, a few years ago, I just, it just kept coming up.
00:07:31
It just like was just there.
00:07:32
It was like,
00:07:34
wouldn't go away.
00:07:34
I was like, ******* hell.
00:07:36
Anyway, and then randomly I posted something on social media and she sent me a message being like, you know, I wish we had someone like you and we were ****** ** teenagers.
00:07:43
And I was like, on that, I am so sorry.
00:07:46
And it was something that I needed.
00:07:48
I didn't need anything from her, right?
00:07:50
It wasn't any, I didn't expect anything.
00:07:52
I didn't need anything, but I needed to apologize because it felt so wrong within me that I had concocted this massive lie.
00:08:03
And randomly she was like, I had actually completely forgotten about it, but I think I stole your boyfriend, so I probably deserved it.
00:08:08
So it's never too late to apologize and never be too proud to apologize.
00:08:15
Addition to that, don't apologize if you don't mean it.
00:08:18
Don't apologize to keep the peace because it's just not bad juju.
00:08:25
Number 8, closure doesn't always come from other people.
00:08:29
Sometimes you have to create and find closure yourself.
00:08:32
What I mean by that is sometimes you will have been harmed and hurt by other people or something has happened and in order to move on, you feel like you need to have a conversation with them or you need answers from them or whatever.
00:08:49
Sometimes you're never going to have that opportunity.
00:08:52
And if you do have that opportunity, amazing.
00:08:56
But if you don't, you need to find a way to create that closure for yourself.
00:09:02
there are people and situations that have happened in my life where I've really felt like I needed closure from the other person and I knew that I wasn't going to get it.
00:09:11
So I had to do that work for myself.
00:09:13
So sometimes you won't get closure from the person that's caused you harm.
00:09:18
You have to create it yourself.
00:09:22
If you have experienced, #9, if you have experienced trauma, you will always be triggered.
00:09:29
I don't mean to be doom and gloom here, right?
00:09:31
But what I mean by this is, and it's not like you're going to be triggered every day.
00:09:35
When you experience trauma and it's fresh, yes, the triggers are going to be more frequent, more often, that kind of thing.
00:09:41
But even now, 10 years after me starting my healing, there are still certain things that trigger me, right?
00:09:48
And there always will be.
00:09:50
And whether it's a trigger based on my experience or whether it's a trigger because of what I believe in,
00:09:56
It is what it is, right?
00:09:59
I get the privilege and have the privilege of getting curious with why I'm triggered to work out what's going on.
00:10:06
But if you've experienced trauma, you will always be triggered in some way.
00:10:10
Number 10, you have to constantly, continuously and always do the work.
00:10:17
I don't mean every second of every moment of every day, you must be doing the work.
00:10:22
Deep in healing, deep in growth, deep in transformation.
00:10:25
No,
00:10:26
But if you want to live for yourself, you will constantly and continuously be asked to do the work.
00:10:38
Because if you stop doing the work, you stay where you are.
00:10:43
So what the work is will also change depending on where you're at in your life.
00:10:51
Number 11, I'm a channel.
00:10:57
Yeah, that's kind of it.
00:10:59
I knew when I was younger that I used to have these experiences and then I kind of shut that down for a really long time.
00:11:06
And since I started facilitating breathwork, well, even before that, when I was doing breathwork myself, I would channel certain things, but it was just for me.
00:11:13
And since doing breathwork, I've noticed that I'm a channel.
00:11:18
Coming out of the spiritual closet, still trying to figure out what that means and what I can do with it.
00:11:22
But yeah, I'm a channel.
00:11:25
Number 12, self-care isn't bubble baths and daisy chains.
00:11:29
Although I'm not sure who makes daisy chains anymore.
00:11:33
Yeah, self-care isn't always just go and have a bath or go and make a daisy chain.
00:11:38
Sometimes self-care feels challenging.
00:11:41
Sometimes self-care is doing things that you don't want to do.
00:11:44
Sometimes self-care requires presence and conscious awareness.
00:11:50
it might be journaling, it might be meditating, it might be breath work, it might be going on a hike, like it could be anything, but it's not just this self-care isn't this fluffy, oh, this is nice when you want to do it, right?
00:12:00
Self-care is necessary and needed always.
00:12:05
Number 13 on the back of that, rest is necessary.
00:12:10
Rest is necessary.
00:12:11
Enough said.
00:12:12
14, people will come and go from your life.
00:12:16
People will come and go from your life.
00:12:18
Some people will stay forever and some will not.
00:12:21
A lot of people won't.
00:12:23
Years ago I heard the saying, people come into your life for a season or reason or a lifetime.
00:12:28
And I really believe that.
00:12:30
I really, really believe that.
00:12:31
And sometimes people leaving, it doesn't have to be a bad thing and it isn't a bad thing.
00:12:36
Like it's not for any reason other than you change or evolve or you're in a different place or situation than they are.
00:12:42
And that's okay.
00:12:45
But what I know for me is the harder I tried to grip or hang on to relationships that really weren't serving and supporting me, like it just, it didn't feel great.
00:12:57
And when I let them go, you find that sense of peace.
00:13:02
Number 15, you will get hurt.
00:13:05
At some stage we all get hurt, whether it's by family, by friends, by a partner.
00:13:09
I don't know.
00:13:11
But I think part of
00:13:13
and right of passage for being a human is at some stage we will be hurt by somebody.
00:13:18
The biggest thing in that is what you choose to do with that and what you do after you're hurt.
00:13:27
Number 16, always choose to lead with love and trust and you can revoke it at any time.
00:13:35
So for me, you know, I'd been cheated on a lot of times by, have been cheated on a lot of times by partners, but
00:13:42
And I'd had people say, you've been so hurt by exes and also the trauma that I've been through.
00:13:48
But they're like, you still just dive into relationships head first.
00:13:51
And I don't know why that is, honestly.
00:13:54
It was just something in me that was like, I'm open.
00:13:57
You know, I've always been really open when I meet people.
00:14:00
And I kind of love that about me.
00:14:04
In saying that, I'm very quick to withdraw that love and trust if I get hurt.
00:14:11
But for me, and this is absolutely, each to their own and everyone needs to do what's right for them.
00:14:16
For me, leading with love and trust has been, I don't know, more supportive, but like, I don't know.
00:14:28
That's just the way that I live.
00:14:29
I know that some people like you need to earn my love and you need to earn my trust.
00:14:32
And I just, for me, it just feels a bit closed off.
00:14:37
That's just me.
00:14:39
but lead with love and trust, you can always revoke it if someone hurts you.
00:14:43
17, not everyone wants the best for you.
00:14:47
Hard truth, but there are some ******** in the world and not everyone will always want the best for you.
00:14:53
My advice here, trust your intuition and trust what's right for you, not what someone else tells you.
00:15:01
18, you are not responsible for anyone else's feelings, emotions or actions.
00:15:06
Get it?
00:15:06
You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings, emotions or actions.
00:15:10
The same as no one else is responsible for yours.
00:15:13
You are responsible for you and they are responsible for them.
00:15:19
19.
00:15:20
If someone genuinely loves you, they will support you no matter what.
00:15:24
And I mean no matter what.
00:15:27
You know, there are a few people in my life that I know I could do like anything and ring them.
00:15:36
I probably wouldn't ring them depending on what it was.
00:15:38
I'd like, I'd speak to them in person, but I could tell them anything.
00:15:44
And I know that they would be there for me.
00:15:48
They might tell me I'm a ******** and I've ****** ** but they would still support me.
00:15:53
And I know these people love me.
00:15:56
Number 20, expectations lead to disappointment.
00:16:01
This is one of
00:16:02
the biggest sayings and the biggest grounding points for me, whenever I feel like I'm disappointed about something, it's usually because I've set an expectation of what it should look like.
00:16:11
Expectations are different to goals, but if you set expectations, it's likely going to lead to disappointment when it doesn't go to plan because you're so rigid in your thinking as opposed to goals where it's like, this is what I'm going to
00:16:25
this is what I want and this is what I'm going to work towards and I don't know how I'm going to get there, but it's going to get there as opposed to an expectation, which is like, this is what I want, this is how it's going to happen and this is when it's going to happen.
00:16:35
And then as soon as it doesn't, we're disappointed.
00:16:39
21, curiosity over criticism.
00:16:42
Whenever you are looking internally or going through something or processing anything, approach it with curiosity over criticism.
00:16:52
We are critical enough of ourselves as it is.
00:16:56
We don't need more of it.
00:16:57
But what you'll find is whenever you and what I have found is whenever I've had to explore something, when I've gotten curious about it, it's actually been really easy to get into it as opposed to when I'm approaching it with criticism.
00:17:12
It's not.
00:17:15
22, no one is coming to save you.
00:17:19
Some of these sound pretty depressing.
00:17:22
Not meant to be, but no one is coming to save you if you want to change the way that you live, if you want to change the way that you are, if you want to bring your vision to life.
00:17:30
you have to do that, right?
00:17:32
It's not up to someone else and no one else is going to do it for you.
00:17:37
There's going to be people that support you, but they're not going to come to save you.
00:17:42
23, trust your intuition.
00:17:45
If something feels off, it probably is.
00:17:48
24, we do the best we can with what we have.
00:17:53
I honestly believe this.
00:17:55
I could to my heart
00:17:57
We do the best we can with what we have.
00:18:00
Yes, at times we **** ** and we make mistakes and we do things that we regret and we treat people badly and all of these things.
00:18:10
But what I believe is when we operate from that place, it's because there's something else that's wrong, right?
00:18:18
There's something misaligned or that we haven't worked through or that we're projecting or whatever.
00:18:24
And I honestly believe that we do the best we can with what we have.
00:18:28
as we grow and evolve, we continue like our best will continue to evolve.
00:18:34
But I look back at all of the times where I've ****** ** really bad.
00:18:38
And yes, there's part of me that's like, why would you do that?
00:18:43
And then I look at the bigger picture and it's like, I was doing the best with what I had.
00:18:49
25 kids are our biggest teachers and mirrors.
00:18:54
I, you know,
00:18:56
thought I knew myself so well before I had kids.
00:18:58
And then I still do know myself, but there is just so much out of your control and so many things that get highlighted and shared and shown.
00:19:10
And it can be really confronting, but it can also be really magical at the same time.
00:19:19
26, get a coach, work with a coach.
00:19:23
I, my life changed when I found a coach, my first coach and I've, for the last 10 years, I've always had a coach in some capacity and my life is infinitely better because of it.
00:19:39
27, some of your best friends you might not meet in person for years.
00:19:45
Some of your best friends you might not meet in person for years and I know some people will be like, you're crazy.
00:19:50
I can tell you right now that some of my best friends and closest friends and people that I can go to for anything, I have not met many times.
00:20:00
I have one who is in Perth, I have some that are in Queensland, I have some that are in Canberra, like all over Australia and I love that and I have met them online.
00:20:09
So when people talk and **** can social media in the online world, yes it can be really harmful but it can also be the most magical thing.
00:20:19
So some of your best friends may be online friends for years or forever, right?
00:20:25
And just because you can't physically touch them doesn't mean they aren't your friends.
00:20:32
28, relationships change.
00:20:35
We change, we evolve, relationships are going to change, relationships are going to evolve.
00:20:41
You know, trying to hang on to a way, trying to hang on to how things were just keeps us stuck.
00:20:50
allowing that flow and expansion and evolution, everything's going to, everything changes.
00:20:56
The one thing that we are promised is change.
00:20:59
So of course, relationships are going to change.
00:21:02
29.
00:21:04
Until you've healed, you'll project your **** onto other people.
00:21:10
It's true.
00:21:11
you haven't healed, it's always going to be someone else's fault.
00:21:14
Or you're going to lash out or treat people in a way that maybe isn't aligned with who you are, but it comes from a place of wound, being wounded, comes from a place of being wounded.
00:21:26
So until you heal, you're going to project.
00:21:28
It's the same as when people project onto you, it's because there's something in them that is still wounded and hasn't been healed.
00:21:36
31.
00:21:37
Oh my God, we're on the final 10.
00:21:40
Everyone has guilt around setting boundaries initially.
00:21:44
So if you are someone that has never set boundaries before or let someone, people, abuse your boundaries or not listen to your boundaries, doing that will feel hard.
00:21:55
It will feel challenging.
00:21:56
You will feel guilty for it.
00:21:57
And it's kind of the same as anytime you do anything new, you know?
00:22:02
So yes.
00:22:04
You might feel bad for it and you might think that you're doing the wrong thing, but every single person feels bad when they first set boundaries initially.
00:22:11
And then you get more comfortable with it and then you realize how incredible they are and how supportive they are.
00:22:17
And you learn to, like you become comfortable with it.
00:22:22
32, you'll be asked to step up before you're ready many times in your life.
00:22:29
You'll be asked to step up more times before you're ready so many times.
00:22:33
Every time you want to create something different, every time you are going through an evolution, every time you're expanding, every time you are, whatever, you have to step up before you're ready.
00:22:49
It's that saying around confidence of, you know, you don't get confident first, you get confident by doing it.
00:22:57
And if you want that confidence, you have to step up first.
00:23:01
And similarly, when you are ready to call in something new or something more, you have to become that person before you're ready.
00:23:11
33, more than one thing can be true and almost always more than one thing is true.
00:23:19
We live in quite a binary world where it's like right or wrong or yes or no or this or that and it's just not that case.
00:23:28
It's not that way.
00:23:29
Not that way.
00:23:30
It's not, that's not the case.
00:23:32
You know what I mean?
00:23:32
And we're not binary people.
00:23:36
People aren't binary, you know?
00:23:38
So, yes, you can feel ecstatic and joyful and petrified and fearful at the same time.
00:23:44
You can feel rage and sadness.
00:23:47
You know, you can feel anything.
00:23:49
And also, you know, you can be so good at something, it can be ******* hard or something can be so easy, but it bores you, know?
00:23:58
Nearly always more than one thing is true.
00:24:01
And I have a joke with one of my old coaches where I was like, I'm like the queen of polarity.
00:24:06
It would always be like, how are you today?
00:24:08
What's going on?
00:24:09
I'd be like, well, this and that, you know?
00:24:10
So it's like both ends of the spectrum and I've become really comfortable with that.
00:24:16
And with everybody, more than one thing is true and can be true.
00:24:21
34.
00:24:22
In every season of life, I did the best that I could.
00:24:26
It ties back to one of my previous ones, but I know that in every season of life, I did the best that I could and I was the best person that I could be, knowing that yes, I've ****** ** and yes, I've made mistakes and yes, I've hurt people, but I did the best that I could.
00:24:47
And that gives me, it doesn't feel like I don't forgive myself for some of the things that I've done because of that.
00:24:55
but I have compassion for myself because I can see that I didn't act a certain way out of pure malice or because I'm an ******* because I know that I'm not an *******.
00:25:08
Number 35, the story of don't worry about what other people think is ******** because you will always care about what some people think and you should care about what some people think.
00:25:25
I think we kind of went through this, everyone collectively went through this stage where we're like, just don't care about what they think.
00:25:32
And I remember when I finished coaching on our last, on our closing call, the incredible Julie Parker said, you know, was talking to everyone and talking about the fear that comes with new coaches of like putting ourselves out in the world.
00:25:46
And she said, what other people think of you is none of your business.
00:25:51
And I love that.
00:25:52
So it actually makes me so teary.
00:25:54
What other people think of you is none of your business.
00:25:58
And I'm like, even just saying those words, I know exactly where I was, how I was sitting, what was happening when I heard Julie say this.
00:26:08
And I was like, **** she's right.
00:26:11
Now that doesn't mean that you shouldn't care about what people think.
00:26:16
That doesn't mean like go out with a big **** you attitude.
00:26:20
What it means is
00:26:25
There are going to be people in your life that you respect, that you care about, that all of that.
00:26:29
So yeah, you're going to care about what they think.
00:26:36
And you should.
00:26:39
Because we're people and we create relationships based on connection.
00:26:44
36, I am not stronger by myself and I don't have to do it by myself.
00:26:51
I used to look at my independence as like wear my independence as a badge of honor.
00:26:56
I don't need you.
00:26:57
I don't need anyone.
00:26:58
I'm happy by myself.
00:26:59
I don't need someone to come and save me.
00:27:01
And, you know, doing things by yourself and being saved are very different.
00:27:08
But also I know now that having people around me that support me and love me make me like makes me stronger, makes me a better person.
00:27:19
And also, I don't have to do it by myself.
00:27:23
I'm allowed to be supported and be held and ask for things.
00:27:29
And that doesn't make me less of a person.
00:27:31
In fact, it probably makes me a better person because it is so ******* hard to ask for help sometimes.
00:27:36
So hard.
00:27:37
It is so hard to speak our truth sometimes, like what we're feeling, what we're going through, all of that, you know, and it just
00:27:48
Yeah, it changes.
00:27:50
So you don't have to do it by yourself.
00:27:53
And for me personally, I am stronger by myself and I don't have to do it by myself.
00:27:58
Number 37, always put your hat in the ring.
00:28:01
Always put your hat in the ring.
00:28:03
If you want something, put your hand up.
00:28:05
If you want to apply for something, put your hand up.
00:28:07
Just have a crack.
00:28:09
Because if you don't have a crack, it's not going to happen.
00:28:12
It might not happen, but you're not going to know.
00:28:15
So always put your hat in the ring.
00:28:17
speak what's on your mind.
00:28:20
Put, like, pitch yourself.
00:28:22
Just put your hat in the ring.
00:28:25
Number 38.
00:28:26
Three more.
00:28:27
Wow.
00:28:29
My most favorite question, my most favorite ever question whenever I'm trying to make a difficult decision is, what is the worst thing that can happen?
00:28:40
What is the worst thing that could happen?
00:28:44
When I signed up to study through Beautiful You Coaching Academy, I had seen a girl that I went to high school with, we were in the band together actually, a girl I went to high school with, I'd seen that she had done coaching, you know, and I'd kind of piqued my interest, but I hadn't done anything with it.
00:29:00
And then a couple of years later, I was looking back into it and I remember having a call with her to talk about coaching and what it was and you know, that kind of thing.
00:29:07
And I was like, oh, I don't know, you know, and she asked me that question.
00:29:10
She was like, what's the worst thing that could happen?
00:29:13
I was like, and at that stage, and I'll be very transparent, I was like, I spend a really big chunk of money.
00:29:20
And at that stage, I'd never invested in myself, right?
00:29:23
So, I'd seen a psychologist, but I viewed that differently.
00:29:28
And I was like, honestly, the worst thing that can happen is I spend all this money on this course and I don't become a coach.
00:29:39
So I ultimately lose that money.
00:29:42
but I have a full-time job, so I get the money, like I'll make the money back.
00:29:48
and it was like, I lose the money.
00:29:50
And at that stage, I was in a situation where investing in myself wasn't, like it was petrifying, but it wasn't going to be something that, meant that I was homeless, So, and even now, that question is just,
00:30:07
one of the most powerful questions I've ever been asked and ever asked myself and other people, what is the worst thing that can happen?
00:30:16
and often, often that the answer is nothing changes.
00:30:20
They're like, I wanna do this, but I don't know.
00:30:22
It's like, well, what's the worst thing that can happen if you do?
00:30:24
And they're like, nothing changes.
00:30:27
You know, same as for me with that coaching question.
00:30:29
It was like, well, nothing changes.
00:30:31
Like I've spent some money and I've lost some money, but nothing changes.
00:30:36
So if you're ever in a moment where you're trying to make a decision, yay or nay, ask yourself that question.
00:30:41
What's the worst thing that could happen?
00:30:43
Number 39.
00:30:46
You want a life you're proud, inspired and fulfilled by.
00:30:51
If you want a life you're proud, inspired and fulfilled by, you have to continuously step outside your comfort zone.
00:30:59
Again, I know that some of these are similar, but
00:31:04
the life that you want isn't the life that you're living.
00:31:09
Because if you wanted more, like, you know what I mean?
00:31:14
I feel like that didn't make any sense.
00:31:18
If you didn't want more and you were completely happy and content, you know, one you wouldn't be listening to this episode.
00:31:25
But it doesn't, you don't grow, you don't change, you don't evolve unless you step outside your comfort zone, unless you do something new.
00:31:32
And
00:31:34
So you need to embrace that.
00:31:36
Continuously step outside your comfort zone.
00:31:38
The first time you do it, will be petrifying.
00:31:41
You might have a panic attack.
00:31:42
I know I've had many, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you get with it.
00:31:47
So if you want a life that you're proud of, inspired by and fulfilled with, you need to continuously step outside your comfort zone.
00:31:56
And that doesn't mean chasing.
00:31:58
I'm not talking about constantly chasing something.
00:32:00
I'm meaning stepping out of your comfort zone.
00:32:04
And #40, love always wins.
00:32:11
When you lead with love and live with love and live and approach things through the eyes of love, everything changes.
00:32:21
I know right now we're living in a world where there is a real lack of love in some areas and people in incredibly powerful positions that should not be.
00:32:32
and incredibly powerful positions that show no compassion, empathy or love for anyone other than themselves and their ego and their money.
00:32:41
But it's also why I don't think they should be leaders.
00:32:44
You know, not that little old me is going to change the powers be around the world.
00:32:51
But love always wins when we approach life through the lens of love.
00:32:56
I don't know why I'm getting emotional about this.
00:32:59
When we approach life through the lens of love, we soften, we connect, we see people.
00:33:09
And far too often we're driven by ego and status and **** that just doesn't even matter.
00:33:20
Every single human being craves and needs connection and love.
00:33:26
Yet for some ****** ** reason, we don't live that way.
00:33:30
We live for answers and status and I don't know, just like stuff that doesn't matter, you know?
00:33:42
So always lead with love.
00:33:44
Love always wins and I do believe that.
00:33:50
I do believe that love will always win.
00:33:52
It's just unfortunate that there's
00:33:55
so many people that don't.
00:34:00
and that's why we need healers in the world.
00:34:02
That's why we need coaches in the world.
00:34:04
That's why we need people who see humanity for who they are as opposed to better than or less than or not enough or different.
00:34:20
So that, my friends, is my
00:34:25
40 lessons in 40 years.
00:34:28
I'm sure once I stop recording this, I'll have another 30 come through, but I hope you've enjoyed them and I'd love to know.
00:34:35
I would actually really love to know which one of these were you like, yes, that's it for me.
00:34:41
What's your favorite?
00:34:42
Favorite one, favorite 5, whatever.
00:34:44
Share them with me.