The biggest reason trauma survivors don't go after their big dreams

The biggest reason trauma survivors don’t go after their big dreams is because of the fear of “What if it doesn’t work?” 

But it’s deeper than that, because what if it doesn’t work has so many more layers. Tune in to this weeks episode to learn more. 

Here’s the practice to move through your fear of “What if it doesn’t work?”

• In what ways am I comfortable in life right now? 
• What is my big vision? What do I secretly want for myself but am scared to admit? 
• When I think about “What if it doesn’t work?” - what do I feel, what thoughts do I have, what beliefs come up? 

(This is where you need to go deep. This isn’t a one line answer - this is a deep dive into what’s actually happening internally)

• Where do my fears come from? Where have I ‘failed’ before, where have I been mocked, where was I discouraged from dreaming big? 
• Stand up and shake your body for 30 seconds- or put on a song and shake to it
• When I think about my big vision, how does that version of life make me feel? 
• How does that vision support me and those around me? 
• What is 1 belief I need to reframe / upgrade to help me bring my vision to life? 
• What is 1 small action I can take to help me move towards this vision? 

(Examples: upgrade IG bio, plan what it looks like, write 100 words, research something)

Connect with me: 

• Download the Autopilot as a Trauma Response Guide
• Register for my Free Masterclass: Stop Living on Autopilot & Start Living Your Dreams
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaci.rogash/
• Book a Discovery Call
• Join the Visionaries Waitlist
• Email: jaci@jacirogash.com

Transcript

Transcript

00:00:00

Welcome to Thriving After Trauma, a podcast to help you move beyond surviving and support you to truly thrive in every area of your life.

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Sometimes it's scary to claim your big desires because of your past.

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This podcast will give you the courage to put yourself first and make your dreams a priority.

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I'm Jackie, an award-winning trauma transformation coach, breathwork facilitator and international speaker.

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I am so excited to bring you these deep, honest and real conversations as a way of supporting you to truly thrive after trauma.

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Unfortunately, the impacts of trauma run so much deeper than just the incident.

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Keeping in mind that your trauma may stem from one incident or it might stem from something a lot more subtle.

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It might be a series of incidents or something that you're not even aware of.

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This is one of the most misunderstood

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parts of trauma, in my opinion.

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If you haven't lived through trauma or a specific type of trauma, naturally it might be hard to understand someone's reactions afterwards, how it's impacted them, what they do, how they think, how they see themselves.

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But far too often, people make comments, usually with good intentions, but they make comments that

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cause more harm or just show a complete disregard for what that person has been through.

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What do I mean by this?

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Let me give you some examples.

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Let's say someone is having problems conceiving and this, you know, is so widely spoken about now, thank goodness.

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But people being like, just relax, just relax, don't think about it, it'll happen.

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As someone that had 12 months of conception challenges, not thinking about it isn't an option.

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but you just can't not think about it.

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Another one, if maybe you've had a stalker and they're no longer in the picture, but you're still impacted by it, you're still affected by what happened, and someone says, oh, just don't let it bother you.

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They're not around, don't worry about them.

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That's unhelpful.

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When you've experienced sexual assault,

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and maybe you're with a new partner and you're triggered by something or you find it hard opening up, whatever it is.

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And someone turns around and says, yeah, but that's not the person that did it to you.

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So just don't worry about it.

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Like, why would you let that bother you?

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Because he's not the person that did it to you.

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Oh, even saying these like make me like cringe.

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Or I saw a post recently from someone who

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had a baby while they were in a really bad domestic violence situation.

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And they're now at the point where they don't want more kids because of the trauma that they experienced when they were pregnant.

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And people are like, but if you loved your new partner, you'd have them for them.

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I'm sorry, what?

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Like when did love, loving someone equate to disregarding and abandoning our own nervous system?

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disregarding and abandoning our own needs.

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It doesn't, right?

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We think it's okay.

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We think it's okay to tell people to do something that clearly doesn't feel safe for them.

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And it's why as a coach, I very rarely

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give my clients advice.

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I very rarely tell them to do something or not to do something or how to think.

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it's about working with them to figure out what it is that they're up against or what's showing up for them and how can they work around it themselves.

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Like what is it that they need in order to shift things?

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It's not about me telling them to do something because that's going to cause more harm.

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And it's also not trauma informed.

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Every person who experiences trauma deals with it in their own way.

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Some don't ever deal with it.

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They just suppress it.

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Some do everything they can to get to a place where they're okay and then they stay in that.

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And then some do everything in their power to create a different life for themselves.

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to truly live for themselves, to turn their worst moments into a life that has purpose and meaning and fulfillment.

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And everybody should be celebrated.

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If you survive trauma, you should be celebrated.

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When we think about like that comfort zone, so the people who are like, I'm not going to stay in my trauma, I'm going to deal with this, but I'm just going to

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settle, for lack of a better word.

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that might mean that they have really good people around them and you have a good job and you have good hobbies and life is good, right?

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I've spoken about this before in previous episodes and on Instagram, like you get to a place where life is good and that is great, right?

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Good is great, especially when you've lived with trauma, survival mode, something where, you know, you are heightened all the time.

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Because if you're in a place of comfort, it means that you've created a life where your nervous system is actually able to relax a little bit.

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And it's amazing, right?

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It is amazing.

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So if you're sitting there hating on yourself because you're not, you know, chasing some wild, audacious dream, please don't.

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Please don't.

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Rather, celebrate yourself for how far you've come.

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Right.

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And again, if this is you right now, I want to say congratulations.

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You have done so much to get here and you should be proud of yourself.

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I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

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You should be so proud of yourself.

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And it's really understandable that a lot of people choose to stay in this place because it's comfortable.

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And I get it.

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As I said, when you've lived in

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survival mode in this constant state of fear, getting to a place where you can like take an exhale is really good.

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Then there are also going to be people who long for more and that might be you.

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might be in a place where you're good, but you want more.

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You might have a big goal, a vision, something that always is in the back of your mind.

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but maybe you talk yourself out of it.

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Maybe you're like, oh, I really want that, but I just don't know.

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and all of the questions come up.

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Is it possible?

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Should I do it?

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Like all of the things that we, all of the ways and all of the things in which we overthink, that comes up, right?

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The biggest reason I see people talking themselves out of what they truly want,

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out of that stretchy thing, out of that big vision, out of the thing that feels almost impossible, but it would be so life-changing if they did it, is because of the fear they have around, what if it doesn't work?

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What if it doesn't work?

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Because that one question is not just one question.

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That one question is so layered.

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That question, what if it doesn't work?

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is attached to failure, which unfortunately we're more wired to look at failure or the negative than we are than a lesson or the positive.

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And there isn't always going to be a positive, right?

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I think sometimes we're quick to jump on the, you know, don't think of it as a negative, think of it as a positive.

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And sometimes there's not.

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There might be a lesson or there might be a neutral way of thinking it or there might be a, well, you know, it's not quite so bad, but

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It's not always a positive, But it goes even deeper than that.

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right?

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What if it doesn't work?

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Yes, it's attached to failure, but it runs deeper.

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Because what if it doesn't work is also attached to what will other people think?

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What does it mean about me if it doesn't work?

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What will my family think?

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Who am I to be successful?

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Do I even know how to do it?

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Would anyone even want that from me?

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There's so many other people doing it.

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What if it works, but I let someone down?

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What if I make a mistake?

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You see, there are so many other fears attached to what if it doesn't work.

00:08:58

And then there's also a whole bunch of external factors.

00:09:02

And a whole bunch of external factors when we think about going to do something or doing something that we've never done before.

00:09:09

Often we, you know, we're quick to see the external

00:09:13

limitations over the internal ones.

00:09:18

It's less about what we all think and more about what other people will think.

00:09:25

You know, when we're looking at that external thing, how will we be judged?

00:09:29

What will other people see?

00:09:33

So if this is you, if you're in this place where you're like, yes, I have a dream, I have a dream, whether it is

00:09:43

to be a coach, to write a book, to start your own business, to actually find purpose in your life, to get to a place where you feel your emotions, to becoming an artist or a singer, or you know, like you have that, maybe it's just a complete career change, right?

00:10:03

You have that vision, you have that dream.

00:10:08

But if you have that fear of what if it doesn't work,

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I've got a practice for you.

00:10:13

Okay.

00:10:14

This is a practice that is going to help you to start to move through that fear that's keeping you stuck in the comfort so that you can start working towards that vision.

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This is the very first step, right?

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I'm not giving you a five step formula to making a multi-million dollar business.

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Not what this episode's about.

00:10:36

This episode is around moving through that fear of what if it doesn't work.

00:10:42

So there are a bunch of journal prompts, a bunch of questions.

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I'm going to read them out.

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They're in the show notes below.

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But this, I invite you to do this as a ritual rather than just sitting there and writing.

00:10:53

I invite you to, you know, if you're going to do this practice, to sit down, to light a candle, to do breath work, to meditate, to do whatever it is that you do that will allow you to truly be in a space of presence and with yourself.

00:11:11

Okay, if you're distracted, if you've got, people and **** going on around you, like these answers are going to be quite surface level.

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If you create a ritual, carve out time, half an hour, an hour, might take you longer, it might take you less time, but set some time aside where you're uninterrupted, light a candle, play some music, just put yourself in the zone, however you do that.

00:11:35

You might go to a park, whatever.

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And these are the questions, right?

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This is the practice for you.

00:11:41

And these are the questions.

00:11:43

In what ways am I comfortable in life right now?

00:11:47

What is my big vision?

00:11:49

What do I secretly want for myself, but I'm scared to admit?

00:11:53

When I think about what if it doesn't work, what do I feel and what thoughts do I have?

00:11:58

What beliefs come up?

00:12:00

This question, so the third one is where you need to go deep.

00:12:04

This isn't a one line answer.

00:12:06

This is a deep dive into what's actually happening internally.

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Some of you may be able to do this really effortlessly.

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And if you're someone that kind of gets a bit stuck, let me know.

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We can set up a one off call.

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So a 60 minute call to work through this together.

00:12:25

Okay.

00:12:26

Where do my fears come from?

00:12:29

Where have I failed before?

00:12:30

Where have I been mocked?

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Where was I discouraged from dreaming big?

00:12:34

Right?

00:12:35

So really, again, we're diving into where like the root cause of these fears.

00:12:42

After that, I want you to stand up, shake your body out.

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If you want to change songs, switch it up so you can move your body, just shake it because that can be quite heavy, right?

00:12:52

Those 4 questions can be quite heavy.

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Then,

00:12:57

come back after you've like shaken out the bad juju.

00:13:01

When I think about my big vision, how does that version of life make me feel?

00:13:05

How does that vision support me and those around me?

00:13:10

Because we're not doing it for the fun of it.

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Like we want what we want because it's going to be supportive for us and our families.

00:13:19

What is 1 belief I need to reframe or upgrade to help me bring my vision to life?

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And what is 1 small action I can take to help me move towards this vision?

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One small action.

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Okay, I'm not talking about writing an entire website or mapping out a launch or, you know, quitting my job and starting a business from scratch.

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I'm talking about, do you need to research something?

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Do you need to ask people questions to get more information?

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Do you need to make a plan of what it might look like?

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Do you need to time block so you're allocating time to your vision?

00:14:03

Do you need to upgrade your Instagram bio?

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Do you need to simply just tell somebody what your vision is?

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Do you need to write your vision on a wall?

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Right?

00:14:13

What is 1 small thing that helps you move from

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I have this vision.

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It's a bit of a secret.

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I don't want to let anyone know because what if it doesn't work to, you know what, this is what I want.

00:14:30

The thing with visions is you don't have to have a timeline attached to it, right?

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When we set goals and there's, you know, there's a lot of different views and opinions on goals and that kind of thing.

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I always say that expectations lead to disappointments.

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If you have a goal and you expect it to happen a certain way by a certain time, you're more than likely going to be disappointed.

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If you have a goal and you're working towards that and you're taking steps, you know, amazing.

00:15:01

You don't have to put a timeline on it, but you do need to take action.

00:15:06

It's the same as manifesting.

00:15:07

You want to manifest something, you have to actually do something towards it, right?

00:15:12

So that is

00:15:15

the biggest reason that trauma survivors don't go after their dreams because of their fear.

00:15:20

I have given you a practice to go through.

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If, as I said, if you get stuck while you're moving through that practice, if you're like, oh, this isn't really working, please let me know.

00:15:34

We can set up a one-off call for 60 minutes and it's like a deep dive, right?

00:15:40

A deep dive into where you're stuck, what your fears are, what you want and how we can get there.

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Okay, I would love to know what you think about this episode, but as I said, if you get stuck, DM me because I'm here to help you.

00:15:54

I'm here to support you.

00:15:58

Thank you so much for tuning in to Thriving After Trauma.

00:16:01

If you liked this episode, please like it, share it, subscribe to my channel, because the more people that share, the more people that talk about this, and the more people that subscribe, the more people we're able to support and help to navigate this crazy life of ours as we truly do learn how to thrive after trauma.