Thriving After Trauma
Hosted by Trauma Transformation & Energy Coach, Jaci Rogash, Thriving After Trauma is a podcast about real life stories of transformation, navigating life and being able to show up in the world as your unapologetic self. We’ll talk about the ups, the downs, the ugly truths and the magical moments that we all experience, but often feel we can’t share, so we can bring to life the importance of having meaningful conversations and embracing our own journey in this crazy thing we call life.
Thriving After Trauma
Sometimes growth sucks
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I had an entire episode mapped out for this week, and then I woke up at 3am with a very clear message that this is what needs to be shared.
There’s a myth that growth is always effortless and easy… It’s not.
This week I’m sharing some very exciting news, but also the mess that I’ve had to go through to get to where I’m at.
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Transcript
00:00:00
Welcome to Thriving After Trauma, a podcast to help you move beyond surviving and support you to truly thrive in every area of your life.
00:00:09
Sometimes it's scary to claim your big desires because of your past.
00:00:12
This podcast will give you the courage to put yourself first and make your dreams a priority.
00:00:17
I'm Jackie, an award-winning trauma transformation coach, breathwork facilitator and international speaker.
00:00:24
I am so excited to bring you these deep, honest and real conversations as a way of supporting you to truly thrive after trauma.
00:00:32
I had a whole episode to record, mapped out, planned, everything that I was going to say to you this week.
00:00:41
And last night I woke up at 3 o'clock in the morning and just had this download of things that needed to be said.
00:00:51
things that needed to be said and the message was very clearly, this is this week's podcast episode.
00:00:58
So here I am riffing a little bit on some notes that came through to me at 3 o'clock in the morning, so please bear with me.
00:01:09
But fundamentally, as the title of this episode suggests, sometimes growth sucks.
00:01:18
I think there is this, there can be this misconception, surprisingly, on social media that when you grow, it's beautiful and it's effortless and you just create the life of your dreams and it all just happens.
00:01:37
Sometimes parts of growth happen that way, but not always and not often because anytime you're growing or expanding or something magical happens,
00:01:48
your nervous system has to catch up as well as every other part of your life, right?
00:01:53
It's not just, oh, I want this to happen, bang, it happens and everything just falls into place.
00:01:58
And then sometimes when we're called to grow, maybe we're not ready.
00:02:07
We cannot be ready
00:02:09
We can be in a place that feels good.
00:02:11
And so the idea of growing or doing something different or expanding or stepping out of our comfort zone, we kind of question why.
00:02:21
would I do this when I'm in a place that feels really good?
00:02:26
You know, we don't, when we're listening to our intuition, when we're connected to spirit, the universe, things that are bigger than us, we don't always get a say.
00:02:38
And sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it doesn't.
00:02:42
But there can be a lot of challenges that come up when we choose to grow, when we choose to pivot, when we choose to evolve.
00:02:50
There's mindset stuff always, you know, that self-doubt, the self-belief, the self-trust.
00:02:56
There's the worry about external judgment.
00:03:01
There is the, how do I show up as this person who
00:03:07
is creating this?
00:03:08
How is this different to how I am currently or how I've always been?
00:03:14
And I guess I just want to be really honest that sometimes growth sucks.
00:03:17
Sometimes it is not easy.
00:03:19
And the majority of time, every time we go through an evolution, there is a period that feels really sticky, that feels really clunky, that feels messy.
00:03:29
We call it the messy middle for a reason.
00:03:31
It's not glamorous or shiny or put together.
00:03:36
It is just
00:03:37
sometimes it's just ******* holding it together, right?
00:03:41
And I've noticed recently, this feels really vulnerable to share, but over the last 12 or 18 months, so we moved house 12 months ago, which, you know, when you move house, we've bought a bigger property.
00:03:59
So we have a bigger mortgage.
00:04:01
We have, you know, higher outgoings, you know, a whole
00:04:05
way of being has changed.
00:04:07
We chose this house and it's beautiful and we love that.
00:04:10
And what I realized that I was maybe a little bit complacent because I could be previously.
00:04:19
And also I have two little kids, right?
00:04:21
My capacity and ability to just show up and work whenever I want is not what it was pre-kids.
00:04:30
And maybe there's a part of me that's still
00:04:32
attached to that version of me, knowing that I'm so, different to that version of me.
00:04:40
But I've very much still been on the same path or a similar path to, you know, a few years ago in terms of the direction of my business, despite having little niggles and little nudges along the way, you know, telling me that there's a space that I'm being called to work in.
00:04:59
I kind of rejected it, if I'm honest.
00:05:01
I'm like, no, that's not what I do.
00:05:04
And part of the reason I did that was because I didn't want to pigeonhole myself, but I also didn't want to exclude my ideal clients.
00:05:19
Like I didn't want anyone to think that they can't work with me because they're not focusing on a certain thing.
00:05:25
And this is going to make more sense very soon, right?
00:05:28
But there is this to and fro and I've evolved my business.
00:05:32
So there are people that I once would have worked with that I no longer work with.
00:05:36
They're just not in the right season.
00:05:39
And now I've got to a point where it's like, you have to do this.
00:05:45
You know, it's kind of when we're our intuition knocks, we get, you know, it's like this little gentle knock initially.
00:05:51
And then it gets a little bit louder.
00:05:53
And right now this is like someone standing at the door, like banging with both fists, being like, you need to ******* listen to me.
00:06:00
So I've listened, right?
00:06:02
I'm listening.
00:06:04
But before I go into that part, I've had a bit of a story that I'm a failure or I'm not successful enough.
00:06:16
And there's some victim mentality that's been coming up.
00:06:20
because I've had to get a job.
00:06:22
I've spoken about this once before, but I've had to get a job to bring in more money because our outgoings are higher and we want to be more comfortable, right?
00:06:33
There are things that we want to do and with our combined income as it was, it wasn't enough to be able to do those things.
00:06:41
So I knew that I needed to get a job and there was some resistance to that.
00:06:47
but mostly because I created all of these stories about what it meant of me as a coach if I had to get work elsewhere.
00:06:59
If I wasn't making enough money as a business owner to support my family in the way that I want, then there's something wrong with me.
00:07:08
That I'm not good enough.
00:07:10
Not that I'm a **** coach.
00:07:11
I've never actually thought that I'm a **** coach, so that's a bonus.
00:07:14
But there's been a lot of stories.
00:07:16
There has been a lot of stories.
00:07:20
And what I realized because I had been and needed to be really focused on making more decisions, I wouldn't say they were made in haste, but I've been had to work sort of in my business in the sense of let's, you know, get more clients or focus on
00:07:43
this and it's been a little bit sporadic.
00:07:46
I think every six months I'm like, I'm going to sit down and do a six month plan and I don't.
00:07:52
So I've just kind of been flying by the seat of my pants.
00:07:55
And not that it's a bad thing, but it hasn't been the best thing.
00:08:01
Anyway, I have started work for someone else and it's work that I'm good at.
00:08:06
It's work that I enjoy.
00:08:07
Is it going to be a forever thing?
00:08:10
No.
00:08:11
I can hand on heart say that it's not going to be for everything because I know that coaching and breath work and holding space like this is my true calling.
00:08:21
There is nothing that fulfills me as much as this.
00:08:25
But what's happened, there's been this really interesting and really awesome thing that's happened since I've started working for someone else.
00:08:33
The pressure to make money has obviously been eased because I'm making money.
00:08:41
there was a story initially about, downplaying how I make money.
00:08:46
I had to make money a certain way.
00:08:48
It can't come from multiple streams, which is just ******** right?
00:08:51
It's all there's all of these stories coming up.
00:08:54
But I obviously have money coming in from other things.
00:08:58
And so the pressure to make money in my business has eased because I, you know, I'm making money.
00:09:07
And
00:09:08
What I realized is that I haven't been giving myself the space to truly focus on what I want my business to look like, what I want to be doing, how I want to be serving.
00:09:22
Because as I said, it's been, you know, I know how I want to be serving.
00:09:26
So that's maybe not entirely true.
00:09:28
And I have the most incredible clients, the most incredible clients, inside visionaries and my one-on-one clients.
00:09:35
It's just, it's ******* amazing.
00:09:39
and I ran parenting with trauma recently, which again was so fun.
00:09:44
And that'll be something I run again soon at some stage when it feels right.
00:09:49
Because I do believe that parents need this, that space.
00:09:54
But I just, I finally got the space that I needed, that I hadn't created for myself because I told myself I couldn't do that.
00:10:01
I couldn't create the space because I needed to be constantly in action.
00:10:07
And I didn't.
00:10:09
So, yes, my life is a lot busier, mentally and, brain capacity, running a business, parenting, doing a job.
00:10:23
It's A lot.
00:10:24
And I'm, pretty tired, if I'm honest.
00:10:27
This week, I'm pretty tired.
00:10:28
We're also in week two of school holidays as I record this.
00:10:33
But I've had so much clarity.
00:10:36
I've had so much clarity around
00:10:38
what I want to do.
00:10:39
And there have been things that I've wanted to focus on that I have ignored.
00:10:44
There are things that I have wanted to focus on that are still there, but they're currently and not right now.
00:10:52
And that's okay.
00:10:54
But I've given myself a few challenges and there's a few things that I want to, I guess, I guess this is a little update.
00:11:00
You know, I know I don't owe anyone this, but
00:11:03
It felt important for me to share how stretchy and uncomfortable change and transitions can be.
00:11:10
And so I've given myself a challenge on social media.
00:11:14
I post regularly, but I've never had a focus on growth.
00:11:20
And if I'm honest, I've had a story in my mind that, you know, people in my space, it's hard to grow quickly.
00:11:29
Fundamentally, if I was an Instagram coach or teaching people to grow on Instagram, my account would probably grow much quicker than it does working in the trauma space.
00:11:38
That doesn't mean it can't grow.
00:11:41
Right.
00:11:42
So I've set myself a little goal on social media.
00:11:45
I'm showing up every single day on Instagram.
00:11:48
That is my main focus.
00:11:49
I'm doing a lot more trial reels.
00:11:52
I'm
00:11:53
sort of pulling it back, but a lot of it, I'm just trusting my intuition.
00:11:57
Things that come up on that day and like, okay, this is what I'm sharing.
00:11:59
This is what I've been called to share.
00:12:01
Let's do it.
00:12:02
Right?
00:12:03
So there is a challenge.
00:12:04
I want to get to 6,000 followers.
00:12:09
I'm currently at 2.
00:12:12
So it's a big jump, but these are what goals are for, right?
00:12:15
Like, let's grow, let's expand my audience while also not forgetting about
00:12:23
the people that have been here from the start, because you all still matter so much, if not more.
00:12:29
And I've also been called and the direction that I've been called in, and this has been niggling at me for years.
00:12:39
And I genuinely say that, like I've had this niggle since before I had kids.
00:12:42
So Hunter's almost five.
00:12:44
So we're talking five years that I've had this niggle and I've just ignored it because I am a trauma coach.
00:12:52
and how I support my clients has evolved.
00:12:57
Currently, it's I help my clients bring their visions to life.
00:13:00
Initially, I would say that it was more around helping people love themselves and believe in themselves and find that place that is good.
00:13:10
And then I helped a lot of my clients do that.
00:13:13
I was like, okay, so what's next?
00:13:15
And that is the vision.
00:13:16
And the niggle that I've had
00:13:19
Is to work with new or emerging coaches, or I should say new or emerging service-based businesses.
00:13:28
I have...
00:13:30
existed this for so long because I told myself and I had this story that if I promote something like that, I'm going to lose the clients that I've been supporting for five years, that they're going to think that I am not here to help them anymore, that I'm going down the business path as opposed to the life path.
00:13:48
And also I told myself, you can't focus on business and life.
00:13:53
It's ******** right?
00:13:55
It is such a story.
00:13:58
I might have some business coaches coming at me right now.
00:14:00
So, sure, a lot of people say, if you're going to be a business coach, you're a business coach, you don't focus on the other things.
00:14:07
If you've worked with a business coach, you know that so much of the work that you do with that coach is about life.
00:14:14
Self-beliefs, what's going on personally, you know, there's so much there.
00:14:18
Sure, the aim and focus of your coaching is on your business, but there's a lot of life elements there, right?
00:14:28
I've also got this thing of, well, you shouldn't promote multiple things at once.
00:14:32
You shouldn't talk about multiple things at once.
00:14:35
And I know that people coming into my world or people new to coaching, the same thing is going to be so, supportive initially for people, whether they're focusing on a service-based business or whether they're focusing on their own creative vision or their own life vision.
00:14:57
right?
00:14:58
It's just a different direction.
00:15:00
The tangibles look a little bit different after the initial work.
00:15:05
Don't have too many offers.
00:15:06
You know, I've had so many, I've had so many offers over the years and it's not that I've quit or stopped them because they didn't work.
00:15:15
It was more that I outgrew them or they didn't feel aligned anymore.
00:15:19
I think back to my first five week coaching program and it was so masculine.
00:15:23
It was so like telling people what to do, which is not me.
00:15:28
So you would never see me run anything like that anymore.
00:15:33
In saying that, there are still elements of that are so relevant now still, when we think about mindset, when we think about programming and conditioning.
00:15:43
I've also had a story that I'm not a business coach and I'm not.
00:15:49
I'm not a business coach in the sense of my sole focus is not only on businesses.
00:15:55
I am a trauma coach helping trauma survivors bring their visions to life.
00:16:00
I'm an expert in trauma.
00:16:01
I am an expert in the conditioning, the beliefs, the patterns, the systemic problems, the generational problems that trauma creates.
00:16:10
I'm also really ******* good at helping people move past them.
00:16:14
Really, really good at it.
00:16:15
And I love it.
00:16:17
I can't tell you how excited I get when we have those aha moments or when we do something or when my client does something that they thought wasn't possible.
00:16:26
It's just, it is honestly the best feeling in the world.
00:16:30
And I love that so much.
00:16:35
Then there's also the self-doubt.
00:16:38
as I've moved through this season and actually claiming the fact that I'm going to be offering something very soon for new and emerging coaches or new and emerging soul-based, service-based business owners, can I do it?
00:16:53
Is this what I do?
00:16:54
You know, this is what I've always done.
00:16:56
Like, is this new?
00:16:57
Or, you know, like there's been self-doubt.
00:17:00
There's always self-doubt.
00:17:03
Instead of me being like spinning some ******** that is being self-doubt because of this, there is always self-doubt.
00:17:09
There are moments where I'm so dialed in and it's like nothing can penetrate this bubble.
00:17:15
I'm solid and I'm good and I'm like ready to go.
00:17:19
And then there are moments that maybe don't, you know?
00:17:25
But there is always self-doubt and for everybody.
00:17:28
We all have self-doubt.
00:17:29
It's just about how we move through it, what we do when that doubt comes up.
00:17:33
Because a lot of the time people stop.
00:17:35
They, you know, it feels too much or too overwhelming to step into that place of doing what your self-doubt tells you can't do.
00:17:43
So we don't do it.
00:17:45
I'm doing it.
00:17:46
I'm doing the thing.
00:17:48
So my focus now, and this is where it feels quite,
00:17:55
doesn't suck.
00:17:56
It feels stretchy.
00:17:57
It feels really stretchy.
00:18:00
But I have been in current, I'm currently working with an emerging coach, a new coach.
00:18:06
And it's been the ******* best.
00:18:10
Like it has been just so incredible.
00:18:14
So incredible to see her grow, to see her evolve, to see her claiming her spot.
00:18:21
to the point, and I know she won't mind me sharing this, two months ago when we started, we were talking about her starting her coaching business.
00:18:31
She's like, so I think by September I'll be ready to go.
00:18:35
And I'm like, why aren't you coaching now?
00:18:37
Like, why do you have to wait until September?
00:18:40
And she's like, oh, well, I don't know.
00:18:45
Anyway, she put herself out there and she's got 3 new clients in the last like three or four weeks.
00:18:49
These are six month
00:18:51
high paying one-on-one clients.
00:18:54
and that to me is so exciting.
00:18:56
Every time she tells me what's happening, I'm like, **** yeah.
00:18:59
And there are other things that we're working on.
00:19:01
And, you know, she's even said like, just having this space to come and be grounded and held by you has been so expansive for me.
00:19:10
And this was like that final bang on the door moment where it's like, you need to be doing this work.
00:19:16
I've worked with a lot of new and emerging coaches over the years.
00:19:20
there's never been a specific business based focus, so like being seen and how to launch and how to promote yourself and what do you want to be doing?
00:19:31
Like what lights you up, right?
00:19:36
In one-on-ones, yes, but in my group spaces, there hasn't been that.
00:19:41
And so that's what I'm doing.
00:19:43
So my focus is going to be on, and you will see a lot of this over the coming weeks,
00:19:48
months, coming weeks and months, is I'm going to be running a masterclass series that is tailored to trauma survivors ready to bring a vision to life.
00:19:59
There are going to be 3 masterclasses over 3 weeks, which just quietly are really exciting, really expansive.
00:20:09
They are going to require you to be
00:20:12
to get uncomfortable and be really, really honest with yourself about where you're at, what's going on, what you want, what you've been doing, what are you doing differently, all of that.
00:20:22
Not too much, right?
00:20:24
In the sense of some masterclasses, you walk away and you go, holy **** that was so much.
00:20:28
I'm running three.
00:20:29
So it's like you get each portion, each piece in a way that is able to be digested and integrated and
00:20:43
have that clarity.
00:20:45
Then Visionaries is still here.
00:20:49
Visionaries is my six month high touch container and I ******* love that work.
00:20:54
I love the work that I do with the clients inside there and it's a whole lot of fun.
00:21:00
It is a whole lot of fun.
00:21:02
And the new piece, which is where the growth and the stretch really comes from, is I'm also going to be releasing a three month
00:21:11
coaching container for, as I said, new and emerging coaches or new or emerging soulful business owners, businesses that provide a service.
00:21:24
And even sharing that with you, I am like a little bit anxious.
00:21:28
There is part of me, and here's another story, you know, in real time, keeping it real, that is like, oh, you shouldn't tell people about that.
00:21:36
You shouldn't tell people about that until it's happening, or you shouldn't tell people until you have
00:21:41
everything in a row, or you shouldn't talk about that until exactly what it's going to look like.
00:21:46
And you shouldn't tell anyone about that because what if no one signs up?
00:21:50
These are the stories.
00:21:51
These are the narratives that we all have.
00:21:53
And if you're a new or emerging coach, you will understand this.
00:21:56
If you're thinking about launching a business, you will understand this.
00:21:59
I won't tell anyone because if it doesn't happen, then no one knows.
00:22:04
Here I am claiming it.
00:22:05
I am, you know, practicing what I preach.
00:22:09
in that when we put something out into the world, we're putting it out there.
00:22:14
We are committing to it.
00:22:15
I'm committed to this because I know, especially over the last six months, that this is what I'm meant to be doing alongside my other work.
00:22:24
I am meant to work in group containers and with one-on-ones.
00:22:28
I am meant to do breath work and coaching.
00:22:31
I am meant to be speaking on stages.
00:22:34
I am not someone who only wants to do one thing.
00:22:39
And there is nothing wrong if that is you.
00:22:42
If you are someone you're like, this is where I'm going and this is what I want it to look like, amazing.
00:22:47
I did that for so long and then I started making myself not good enough because I didn't feel as inspired as I once did.
00:22:58
I know that I need to have, you know, multiple things going on to really light me up.
00:23:05
And I love one-on-one coaching and I love group coaching.
00:23:08
it's, so why?
00:23:11
do I have to pigeonhole myself?
00:23:12
I don't.
00:23:13
The only reason I do or have is because I've thought that that's what I should do.
00:23:18
And as soon as we're doing things that we think we should do, it's usually not true.
00:23:22
So my intuition has been like rearing its head recently, banging on the doors, being like, this is what we're doing.
00:23:31
With all of that being said, I'm sure there are going to be moments along the way that feel
00:23:37
really tricky, that feel messy, that feel clunky, especially now that I don't have the space that I did previously because I'm doing another job as well.
00:23:47
And even that, I'm like, oh, don't tell people you get a job because they're going to think, you know, there's something wrong with you.
00:23:55
People can think what they want.
00:23:57
I know the reality.
00:23:59
And the reality is, as a family, we need more money.
00:24:03
As a family, I hadn't been making
00:24:07
as much as I would like to.
00:24:09
So I'm doing what I can for my family to support my family and to support me, but also this supports my business.
00:24:15
Having extra income coming in only means that I have more opportunities within my business.
00:24:22
So whatever stories you have about the growth that you're entering, what you're being called to, what your intuition is telling you, that resistance, like sure, sometimes it's like, do not do this.
00:24:36
Listen to that.
00:24:38
But if you're simply avoiding it or trying to pretend that it's not there because it's uncomfortable, growth sucks sometimes.
00:24:47
Growth is messy, growth is hard, but it is so worth it.
00:24:52
So with all that being said, watch this space.
00:24:56
There is a ******* epic masterclass series coming out that is going to be open to everybody.
00:25:02
And I can't wait to share more.
00:25:04
I can't wait to share more along the way.
00:25:06
And also, if there is anything that comes up from this episode and you're like, I want to know more about that, or you want me to share more about something, let me know, right?
00:25:14
Please let me know.
00:25:15
Like, that's what I'm here for.
00:25:16
I'm here to serve and support you.
00:25:19
And I would hate for you to be like, oh, I'm really interested about that, but I'm just going to be interested and not ask.
00:25:25
Some of the recent podcasts that I've done have been based on direct questions from clients or people in my community.
00:25:32
And they're like, thank you so much for that.
00:25:35
I love that.
00:25:37
I actually would much rather put things out and do podcast episodes and things on social media that are responses to questions because I know that that's directly supporting you as opposed to me being like, what do I think that they want right now?
00:25:52
So ask.
00:25:54
You want to know more?
00:25:55
Let me know.
00:25:56
If you're curious about anything, let me know.
00:26:00
If this resonates, let me know.
00:26:02
And if you're like, yeah, growth sometimes ******* sucks, let me know.
00:26:07
I'm here for it.
00:26:08
And as always, share this with anyone that you think needs to hear it.
00:26:12
And don't forget to tag me if you share it on social so I can celebrate with you.
00:26:16
I want to be in there with you.
00:26:20
Okay, it's said it's out there.
00:26:23
I can't wait to chat more and watch this space.
00:26:28
Thank you so much for tuning in to Thriving After Trauma.
00:26:32
If you like this episode, please like it, share it, subscribe to my channel because the more people that share, the more people that talk about this and the more people that subscribe, the more people we're able to support and help to navigate this crazy life of ours.
00:26:47
as we truly do learn how to thrive after trauma.