Thriving After Trauma

What it takes to be seen

• Jaci Rogash

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When you hear me say - “What does it mean to be seen?” 

What’s your first thought? 

What’s the feeling you had? 

What do you most want? 

Come and have a listen to what being seen means to me, what’s required of you to *actually* be seen and one way I can support you with that. 

Join the Unveiling

https://www.jacirogash.com/unveiling


Connect with me: 

Transcript

00:00:00

Welcome to Thriving After Trauma, a podcast to help you move beyond surviving and support you to truly thrive in every area of your life.

00:00:09

Sometimes it's scary to claim your big desires because of your past.

00:00:12

This podcast will give you the courage to put yourself first and make your dreams a priority.

00:00:17

I'm Jackie, an award-winning trauma transformation coach, breathwork facilitator and international speaker.

00:00:24

I am so excited to bring you these deep, honest and real conversations as a way of supporting you to truly thrive after trauma.

00:00:32

When you hear me say, what does it mean to be seen?

00:00:37

What does it mean to be seen?

00:00:40

What is your first thought?

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What's the feeling that you get?

00:00:44

What do you most want?

00:00:47

For me, being seen is about knowing that I can show up in my most

00:00:52

authentic self as my most authentic self and am received just as I am.

00:00:59

That I'm accepted just as I am.

00:01:03

It's not about being visible or having a million followers.

00:01:07

Like it's so much deeper than that.

00:01:10

Being seen to me is a connection to my soul, to my heart, to my essence.

00:01:16

I feel like in this day and age we think about being seen and we instantly think about

00:01:21

how many followers, how many followers do we have and who's watching what we're doing and that kind of thing.

00:01:26

And it's become quite superficial.

00:01:29

Yet when I talk about being seen, it is so much deeper than that.

00:01:36

And when I work with my clients that have a fear of being seen, they often or sometimes go to, I don't want to post because what will they think?

00:01:47

You know, and there is that fear and resistance around what

00:01:51

People might think when they see them on social media, but the fear and the concern is so much more than social media.

00:02:03

If I'm honest, which I am, which I am, I think I've always wanted to be seen in my life, but big **** big **** incoming.

00:02:17

For a really long time,

00:02:20

I only let people see what I wanted them to see.

00:02:25

I didn't want to see, acknowledge, or accept parts of myself, so I definitely didn't want other people to see that.

00:02:30

And so naturally, when we are hiding or resisting or avoiding parts of ourself, we're naturally going to want to hide those parts of ourselves to other people.

00:02:44

Being seen, like truly being seen, means you have to confront all of the ways that you have learned that it is safer not to be seen.

00:02:53

But it also requires you to see yourself.

00:02:56

You cannot expect other people to see you if you don't see you.

00:03:02

If your focus is on being seen around growth and visibility, the principle remains the same.

00:03:10

You have to know and understand yourself and your vision

00:03:14

and share that for others to know and understand it.

00:03:19

It's funny, I often hear, and sometimes I have this experience myself, where we expect partners, husbands, people that are really close to us to know what we want or know what we're feeling.

00:03:33

And sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't.

00:03:39

And it's interesting because

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when I have, when Chris and I have a bit of a thing, I'm like, oh, you just don't get it.

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He's like, get what?

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And I explain it to him.

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But, and sometimes that's fine.

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That's all it is.

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But then other times I'm walking with a frustration or a bitterness or a resentment that I haven't actually named.

00:04:00

And so he knows that I'm off, but he doesn't understand why.

00:04:04

And he's trying to do all the right things and trying to, you know, mend or, you know, look after me, but I'm not letting him.

00:04:12

because I've got this wall of resistance up.

00:04:15

Now I can't, he can't see me if I'm not letting him in.

00:04:20

So this applies to everybody in your life, whether it's a romantic partner, a friend, family, whatever.

00:04:28

If you want them to see you, but you're resisting that, they're not going to see you because you're not letting them in.

00:04:35

You know, being seen is a two-way st.

00:04:39

you have to be open to allowing it and they have to be open to seeing it.

00:04:46

People will not connect with you if you do not share with them.

00:04:50

I'm sure you've all had those situations where you've either been on a date or hanging out with a friend and they just don't share anything about themselves.

00:05:00

It gets really tiring.

00:05:02

It's like, and I think once upon a time I probably would have been quite happy with that because I didn't want a deep, I wasn't open to deep, deep conversations and relationships because I, was so, was hiding so much of myself.

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But now if I'm, hanging out with someone and there's just like nothing at surface level or I don't get to see them or know them, it's like, no thanks.

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It's a big turnoff.

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It's just not a fun time for me.

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And I guess it's, as I said, I'm sure, I'm sure you've had that experience, where you're like, I really like them, but I actually just don't know that much about them.

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they kind of keep their cards close to their chest.

00:05:43

And my last relationship, part of the reason I ended that was for that reason.

00:05:48

We've been together for 6 1/2 years and there were so many things that I didn't know about him.

00:05:53

And then in the six weeks after we broke up, I learned more about him and his upbringing and everything else than I did in those 6 1/2 years.

00:06:01

And it's like, **** why did it take us breaking up for this to happen?

00:06:06

And naturally we put up a distance.

00:06:07

We put a distance because it's almost, you know, I think back to that situation.

00:06:13

I trusted him completely.

00:06:15

But how deep can a relationship go when you don't know anything about them?

00:06:21

And I think we all say that we want to be seen until being seen asks something of us.

00:06:30

There is a difference between wanting visibility and depth and connection and having the capacity to hold it.

00:06:38

And so you might want, more clients, more friends to launch or create something, to call yourself a coach, to share your thoughts, to create a blog, to put boundaries in place, you know, to show up for yourself, so many things.

00:06:54

and still find yourself procrastinating, holding back, overthinking, perfecting, changing your mind, posting inconsistently, or waiting for everything to be perfect.

00:07:03

If you want something you currently have, you have to do something different.

00:07:09

Your fear of being seen might be creating a story that you don't know what you want.

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And I call ******** on that.

00:07:18

I think that you know exactly what you want, but the fear that's coming up, it's got you in a chokehold.

00:07:25

So the fear of uncertainty isn't that you don't know what to do.

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It's that part of you is convinced that it's dangerous or unsafe or is going to leave you feeling open and vulnerable.

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And when you're open and vulnerable, your experience is that you get hurt.

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Understandably, that's petrifying.

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How could, if you only know pain after being vulnerable, naturally the idea of being vulnerable is going to be petrifying.

00:07:59

Let me break down what visibility can bring up.

00:08:04

Being seen means risking judgment, misunderstanding, rejection, people from your past watching you evolve,

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outgrowing old identities, being witnessed wanting something, being judged doing something before you know whether you'll succeed.

00:08:24

And again, all of these are real fears and all are scary.

00:08:30

The fear that you're feeling might be partly because you feel like you don't know what you're doing, but a big part of what you're feeling is your nervous system feels like it's too much.

00:08:43

The underlying question that is more important than anything else, what do you truly want?

00:08:53

What do you truly want?

00:08:58

And following on from that, what are you going to do about it?

00:09:03

Because if you want something, you have to do something.

00:09:08

This is part of the reason that I'm hosting the unveiling.

00:09:11

The Unveiling is a three-part masterclass series to help you stop hiding, reclaim your vision and create a life beyond survival.

00:09:20

Through each of these masterclasses, visibility and being seen plays a part, absolutely.

00:09:27

So over the three weeks, we're going to look at your rebellion and how that ties in.

00:09:33

To be seen, you may need to rebel against who you were taught to be.

00:09:37

The good girl, the quiet one, the capable one,

00:09:41

the one who doesn't take up too much space.

00:09:44

The second masterclass, your reclamation.

00:09:47

You have to reclaim the parts of you that you've hidden, minimized or abandoned.

00:09:52

Your voice, your desires, your expertise, your ambition, your way of doing things and your liberation.

00:10:02

Eventually, being seen becomes less about performing for other people.

00:10:08

and more about allowing yourself to be fully expressed.

00:10:13

This is the work that it takes.

00:10:15

If you want to be seen, you have to do the inner work.

00:10:17

You have to show up for yourself before others see you.

00:10:22

When you start seeing yourself, when you start meeting yourself, when you start allowing yourself to shine, other people are going to start to see you.

00:10:30

The unveiling is kicking off on the 11th of August.

00:10:34

It's a Tuesday evening.

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All calls will be at 7.30pm

00:10:38

Melbourne time, so Australian Eastern Standard Time, and they'll be on Tuesdays for three weeks.

00:10:44

You can save your spot, just head to jackierogash.com forward slash unveiling, or the link is of course in the show notes below.

00:10:53

You don't become visible by learning how to perform better.

00:10:56

You become visible by choosing not to abandon yourself in order to fit in or conform.

00:11:03

This is why I created it.

00:11:05

Before you launch the offer,

00:11:07

Before you build the business, before you create the thing, write the book, put boundaries in place, or become more visible, there's something deeper that needs to happen.

00:11:17

There are parts of you that need to rebel against the rules that you've been living by, parts that need to be reclaimed, and parts that need to be liberated.

00:11:27

Join me for the unveiling so we can really dive into all of this together, because perhaps the next version of you doesn't need to be created.

00:11:37

You just need to lift the lid on who you truly are.

00:11:41

Thank you so much for tuning in to Thriving After Trauma.

00:11:45

If you like this episode, please like it, share it, subscribe to my channel because the more people that share, the more people that talk about this, the more people that subscribe, the more people we're able to support and help to navigate this crazy life of ours as we truly do learn how to thrive after trauma.