Thriving After Trauma
Hosted by Trauma Transformation & Energy Coach, Jaci Rogash, Thriving After Trauma is a podcast about real life stories of transformation, navigating life and being able to show up in the world as your unapologetic self. We’ll talk about the ups, the downs, the ugly truths and the magical moments that we all experience, but often feel we can’t share, so we can bring to life the importance of having meaningful conversations and embracing our own journey in this crazy thing we call life.
Thriving After Trauma
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Transcript
00:00:00
Welcome to Thriving After Trauma, a podcast to help you move beyond surviving and support you to truly thrive in every area of your life.
00:00:09
Sometimes it's scary to claim your big desires because of your past.
00:00:12
This podcast will give you the courage to put yourself first and make your dreams a priority.
00:00:17
I'm Jackie, an award-winning trauma transformation coach, breathwork facilitator and international speaker.
00:00:24
I am so excited to bring you these deep, honest and real conversations as a way of supporting you to truly thrive after trauma.
00:00:32
If you have been following along at home, you will know that I'm in a really busy, big, full season of life in a really good way.
00:00:41
I have my business, I have incredible clients, I have my kids, I have my own stuff, I'm also doing a job at the moment and you know there's a whole bunch of other things happening as well.
00:00:53
It's full.
00:00:55
For the last six weeks, you may or may not know, I have been unwell.
00:01:00
I have been navigating different levels of sickness and there have been some weeks that I have been just absolutely put on my *** other weeks where I feel like I'm getting better, other weeks where it's just been annoying, but it has been lingering.
00:01:13
So I haven't felt good since, I don't know, I want to say June, probably when I was in Bali.
00:01:21
And it feels like a really, really long time.
00:01:25
Last week, I kind of reached my peak where I was just ready to burn it all down.
00:01:33
Ready to burn it all down, quit my business, get a job, throw my hands up, give up, basically.
00:01:42
As A trauma survivor, I have spent so much of my life
00:01:46
questioning myself, doubting myself, believing that I could never and would never have what I wanted, believing that the things that I dreamed about weren't possible for someone like me.
00:01:57
For so long, for so long, I had this story and it's so clear.
00:02:02
I'm not business minded.
00:02:04
I used to say it all the time.
00:02:05
I'd love to run a business, but I'm not business minded.
00:02:07
Here I am, seven years later, running my business and I love it.
00:02:11
I also, pre-healing work, spent a **** ton of time overworking and burning out and living with cyclical depression.
00:02:20
My depression was based on my burnout.
00:02:23
Not only based on my burnout, but it was triggered by burnout.
00:02:28
I would reach a point where I was just utterly burnt out and I would get depressed.
00:02:31
I would lock myself away and then I just kind of come out of it.
00:02:35
When I learnt my human design,
00:02:39
I am a projector.
00:02:40
So for anyone that knows human design, I'm a projector.
00:02:43
And for anyone that knows human design, projectors work in waves.
00:02:47
You know, we have periods of on and periods of off and we need rest and downtime in order to go, you know, where there are some other designs that are just, you know, once they're on, they're on.
00:02:56
And when I first heard this, I was like, I'm not a projector.
00:03:01
This is not me.
00:03:02
This is not how I operate.
00:03:04
And
00:03:06
Again, for a long time, my story was I'm the worst projector in the world because I don't know how to rest.
00:03:12
The longer I've been in my business, the more I realize that I am.
00:03:18
And for me, I look back and those periods of burnout were very much me not allowing myself to rest, meaning I was burning out.
00:03:31
In this season of life where I am right now,
00:03:35
We came, I've come back from Bali from two weeks at the start of, or during June, and it was like straight into a really heavy workload.
00:03:44
And I didn't give myself any time or space to rest, recharge.
00:03:51
I remember saying two weeks after we got back to my husband, I think we're going, I'm going to burn out.
00:03:56
If something doesn't change, I'm going to burn out.
00:03:59
Sure enough, here we are.
00:04:01
We're sick.
00:04:02
I'm a little bit burnt out, if I'm honest.
00:04:05
While there is so much good going on, so much good going on in my world at the moment, navigating so much and holding so much has been pretty tiring.
00:04:23
Last week when I was just felt miserable and we all know that
00:04:30
When we're miserable, when we're sick, when we're unwell, when we're grieving, naturally those self-doubts come forward.
00:04:38
My old patterns read their head, my self-doubt, my inner critic, all of that in a big way.
00:04:44
Ironically and not, you know, not ironically, I spoke to one of my coaches last week or the week before and decided to
00:04:56
get support again because I haven't had a coach for a little while, which is the first time in since 2018 that I haven't had a coach.
00:05:04
So I've had a few months where I've just been riding solo.
00:05:10
We spoke, I said I need help.
00:05:14
When I messaged last week, I said I'm burning it all down.
00:05:17
It was a fleeting thought.
00:05:19
I say I'm going to burn it all down, but I know in my heart of hearts that
00:05:23
This is what the work that I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life, right?
00:05:26
I am a coach.
00:05:28
I'm A breathwork facilitator.
00:05:29
I'm a speaker.
00:05:30
This is what I love to do.
00:05:32
I love, love, love to hold space for people to have these conversations, to offer support to people.
00:05:39
So nowhere in my mind, my heart, in my soul,
00:05:44
Maybe in my mind, nowhere in my heart or my soul did I ever actually think that I'm walking away from my incredible clients and the business and what I've created.
00:05:52
But my mind was like, just do it.
00:05:56
The reality is all I need, needed, need, still need maybe is a rest, a couple of days rest, maybe a week.
00:06:06
But it's funny.
00:06:07
It's funny how our mind can play tricks on us.
00:06:11
One of the most heartbreaking things I see as a coach is brilliant, inspiring, incredible humans give up on themselves.
00:06:22
Give up on their passions, give up on their dreams, give up on their visions, give up on what they truly, truly want for themselves.
00:06:29
They give up because things get hard.
00:06:32
And often when things get hard, we feel alone.
00:06:35
We feel isolated.
00:06:36
We feel like we can't do it.
00:06:37
We feel like we're getting nowhere.
00:06:41
And unfortunately, the reality is no one's coming to save you.
00:06:47
No one came to save me.
00:06:48
I had to save myself.
00:06:50
Yes, you can absolutely get support with that, which I'm going to talk about.
00:06:55
But in those moments, you have to do the saving.
00:07:00
It also didn't help.
00:07:01
I pulled a card last week and it was the darkest night, which talks about
00:07:08
the messy middle, but it being so much more than that.
00:07:11
It's almost a complete transition where you're purging who you were so you can become who you are.
00:07:19
And in that moment, it always feels very, very dark.
00:07:21
And that's so how I felt last week.
00:07:25
Thankful to say that I do not feel quite the same this week, but I felt like this episode really needed to be recorded because I know I am not the only one who has these thoughts.
00:07:38
Whether you are a new coach, an emerging coach, a seasoned coach, a new business owner, a writer, a creative person, someone who is focusing on setting boundaries, someone who is trying to love themselves, someone who is just trying to find a healthy relationship or build healthy relationships, I know at some stage you have had a thought of, **** it, it's all too hard, I give up.
00:08:04
Giving up is easy.
00:08:07
Giving up doesn't make you happy, but it's easy.
00:08:09
It is so much easier to settle, to live on autopilot, to do nothing than it is to show up when **** feels hard.
00:08:20
If you are in this season right now, today, this week, this month, because it can change, it can change in a day, it can change in a couple of hours.
00:08:31
But if you are in a season right now where you just feel like throwing in the towel,
00:08:37
This is for you.
00:08:38
Also, this season is not forever.
00:08:42
We sometimes have these thoughts and feelings that, especially with me in it, that it's going to go for so long or it has to take a long time to get through it.
00:08:52
doesn't.
00:08:53
Healing, sure, it might take some time, but you don't have to be stuck in the trenches for a long time.
00:08:59
And you can also, you know, jump in and out of those trenches.
00:09:02
You might have a day that you're in.
00:09:04
You might have an hour that you're in.
00:09:06
It doesn't mean that you're necessarily going to stay in there.
00:09:08
And that also doesn't mean that you're bypassing something.
00:09:11
It might, but it might not.
00:09:14
Another thing to note, if you're female, your cycle and hormones can also impact how you feel.
00:09:20
Okay?
00:09:21
So if you're like, **** this, I'm burning it down and you have no idea why, I invite you to check in with yourself and where you are in your cycle.
00:09:28
And we're not blaming that.
00:09:30
We're not making ourselves wrong for that.
00:09:31
It's just that can happen.
00:09:34
Some people, our cycles really, really impact our moods and our emotions and how we feel about things and others, it doesn't.
00:09:43
And similarly, depending on the season of life that you're in, sometimes it can impact you and sometimes it won't.
00:09:48
So there are things that you can do about it, right?
00:09:51
There are things that you can absolutely do about to help yourself not burn it all down.
00:09:58
That's why we're here today.
00:09:59
That's why we're here.
00:10:00
This has been a very long, convoluted way of saying,
00:10:03
Don't burn it all down.
00:10:05
Not yet anyway.
00:10:06
Please don't.
00:10:08
But there are things that we can do.
00:10:10
I'm going to talk to you about what I did and then give you some steps before making your final decision in terms of what you want to do when it comes to burning it all down.
00:10:22
Firstly, I got really honest with myself.
00:10:25
Why do I feel like this?
00:10:28
I know that I love my work so much.
00:10:32
Why?
00:10:32
on earth would I want to give it away?
00:10:36
The reality, sometimes running a business is hard.
00:10:38
Running a business, doing a job, parenting while sick, it's even harder, right?
00:10:43
It is even harder.
00:10:45
So first, I had to get really honest with myself.
00:10:47
Second, I need to look at what I was holding that I didn't need to.
00:10:51
So where could I surrender?
00:10:52
Where could I let go?
00:10:53
What wasn't a, yes, I need to do this right now.
00:10:59
So there are things that I had planned to do and was going to do that I have pulled back on, that I'm not doing right now, that I'm taking the pressure off fundamentally.
00:11:15
I have chosen to take the pressure off myself so I can regroup, get better first and foremost, and then look at what I want it to look like.
00:11:26
There is no point
00:11:28
And I know this because I know myself so there is no point in me trying to like hustle my way through sickness and keep doing what I had planned to do in the way that I had, because it's not going to feel good, right?
00:11:44
It's not going to feel good.
00:11:45
It's not going to align with how I want it to look and feel and all of that.
00:11:50
And I know that I'm not going to be able to show up in the way that I want to.
00:11:54
And as soon as a space holder, as soon as I know that I can't show up in the way that I want to,
00:12:01
This isn't about perfectionism or people pleasing or anything else.
00:12:04
This is about me honoring my energy and appreciating and respecting the people that I work with and support.
00:12:12
As soon as I know that I can't show up in the way that I want to, I can't, you know, I need to be really honest about that and what does that look like.
00:12:19
So I've surrendered to a lot of things while I focus on getting better.
00:12:25
I have made conscious effort to look at how can I support myself get better.
00:12:30
One of those is taking more supplements.
00:12:35
So I'm on more like multivitamins, not really multivitamins, but specific vitamins and minerals.
00:12:42
I'm on some supplements for my adrenals because I know that they're fatigued.
00:12:48
I've been on antibiotics.
00:12:49
This is my second round of antibiotics.
00:12:51
So I know that messes with my body as well.
00:12:54
So I'm basically going health 101, how can I support myself?
00:12:59
what do I need to do to 1st feel better, but also how can I really optimize my health in a period where my health is not so great, right?
00:13:10
And the most important decision I made, which I've already spoken to is I got support.
00:13:16
I didn't, you know, I stopped feeling like I had to do it by myself and not that I've ever felt like I had to do it by myself, but you know what, I cannot do this all and I need help.
00:13:28
It's probably, I don't know why I'm getting emotional about this.
00:13:32
It's probably the most honest I've been with my husband about how I've felt.
00:13:36
And there has been, the week before last, I remember telling him that I was really sad.
00:13:42
Like, I'm just really sad.
00:13:43
I said, I'm overwhelmed.
00:13:45
I'm burnt out.
00:13:46
I'm just so sad.
00:13:48
And, you know, this is a difference in communication styles.
00:13:51
When that we're in bed, he said, well, I just don't really understand what you've got to be sad about.
00:13:56
And to me, that's a wall up.
00:13:58
That's a wall up, that's a barrier.
00:14:00
And I kind of went, okay, rolled over, went to sleep.
00:14:03
The next morning I sent him a message.
00:14:05
I said, it makes me sad that I've told you this and you know, you haven't, you don't want to talk about it with me.
00:14:12
And to him, he was like, that's mind blowing to me.
00:14:15
Like the last thing I asked you, and this is where words matter, words matter.
00:14:20
He said, the last thing I asked you last night was what are you upset about?
00:14:23
What's making you upset?
00:14:25
And I said, no.
00:14:27
The last thing you said was, I don't know what you've got to be upset about.
00:14:31
That interpretation, huge, massive difference.
00:14:37
And so I unleashed on him, not in a bad way.
00:14:39
I was like, this is all of the things that I'm feeling like sad about.
00:14:43
Block, send.
00:14:45
It was like, wow.
00:14:47
So I'm leaning on him.
00:14:48
I'm leaning on him for support.
00:14:51
And then I got support by reaching out to my coach and being like, we need to do this again because
00:14:58
I just, I can't do it by myself.
00:15:01
I say I can't, I can.
00:15:03
I absolutely can do it by myself.
00:15:04
I don't want to.
00:15:06
I don't want to because I want someone else who can offer me a different perspective, who can be a sounding board for me, who I can just vent to about whatever and it'd be fine, who will hold me accountable
00:15:23
because that is really important to me, to hold me accountable for whatever I need to do.
00:15:28
That might just be rest or there might be actions in it.
00:15:33
And also just because I know what I'm here to do and how I feel right now, there was no way I was going to be able to do it by myself.
00:15:49
Maybe I could, but it would have been a really ******* long road and I'm not here for that.
00:15:53
I mean, I'm here for the long haul, but I don't want to make it even harder than it needs to be.
00:15:59
It's really important.
00:16:02
And I'm absolutely promoting coaches all over the world here.
00:16:05
If you are listening to this and you've been thinking about working with a coach or going to see a psych or a therapist or just someone to hold you, to talk to,
00:16:19
to offer a different perspective, this is your sign, do it.
00:16:24
Do it right now, please.
00:16:26
Reach out to that person.
00:16:28
If you have been circling around a couple of people, book a discovery call, have a conversation with them, send them a DM, you know, just send them an email, whatever it is, just stop procrastinating.
00:16:41
Procrastination is also a sign of burnout.
00:16:44
So if you're like, you notice that you just keep circling around certain things and not doing anything,
00:16:49
maybe there's an element there as well.
00:16:52
So for you, if you are in a season where you're like, **** this, I don't know what to do, I'm ready to give up, this is what I want you to do.
00:17:01
Stop and pause.
00:17:03
Stop and pause.
00:17:05
Now take a moment to think about what it is you actually want.
00:17:10
What do you actually want when you allow yourself to pause?
00:17:14
Secondly, what do you need?
00:17:18
right now?
00:17:20
What do you need?
00:17:22
That question can be quite deep in the sense of where are you putting extra pressure on yourself?
00:17:29
What can be let go of?
00:17:31
How do you need to be supported?
00:17:33
What do you need physically, mentally, emotionally?
00:17:37
Like what do you need right now?
00:17:39
Is it more space?
00:17:40
Is it more action?
00:17:41
Is it more accountability?
00:17:43
You know, you are, I'm not here to tell you.
00:17:47
to break these down into tiny little bullet points.
00:17:51
Sometimes I am, but if you are in this season, then you're an adult and you can do it yourself.
00:17:59
You need to be honest with yourself.
00:18:00
If you want to grow, you need to take responsibility.
00:18:02
So what do you need?
00:18:05
And thirdly, these are actually really quite simple.
00:18:08
Get support.
00:18:10
What support would help you
00:18:14
move through this stage?
00:18:16
What support would help you make a decision?
00:18:19
So when I talk about coaching, and not all coaches do this, but it might be that you don't necessarily want to sign up to a three or a six month coaching program or package.
00:18:29
You might just need one session or three sessions or a shorter session.
00:18:35
And if you don't know if your coach does that, ask them.
00:18:38
Just ask them.
00:18:39
Reach out, ask.
00:18:41
Just because someone doesn't have something advertised doesn't mean that they don't do it.
00:18:45
Again, this is your responsibility.
00:18:48
People are not mind readers as much as we would like them to be.
00:18:52
And if you want support, you want to be saved, you have to do that.
00:18:58
You have to save yourself and you have to take action.
00:19:01
So what is the action that you need to take to get yourself out of this funk?
00:19:09
The other part to this, if you feel like you're ready to burn it all down or quit or give up, what's coming up from your past?
00:19:18
Often when we get into this space, it's because we've been, we're attaching ourselves to old or past patterns or behaviors, thoughts or beliefs, as I shared.
00:19:30
You know, I used to have so much self-doubt and self-criticism and I haven't felt like that for a really, really long time.
00:19:38
But last week, it all just came rearing back.
00:19:41
And I know that was all related to my previous conditioning.
00:19:48
And it sucks because part of me was like, well, I've done this work.
00:19:53
I shouldn't ever revert back to that.
00:19:55
But that's just not the way the world, not the way humans work.
00:19:58
It doesn't matter how much work you do, sometimes
00:20:04
that part, that past, especially when you've experienced trauma, that trauma response, that doubt, that fear, the, I can't think of the word, self-sabotaging behavior, that's the word, they come back, right?
00:20:22
And there's nothing wrong with that.
00:20:24
There is nothing wrong with you.
00:20:25
And again,
00:20:27
I feel like sometimes I'm too honest on these podcasts.
00:20:30
I feel like sometimes I should be like, oh, don't say that.
00:20:31
They'll think, you know, they'll think there's something wrong with you.
00:20:34
And I don't care.
00:20:38
The moral of the story of that is I don't care.
00:20:41
I'm human.
00:20:42
I've experienced trauma.
00:20:45
I'm going to live the rest of my life having periods and seasons where **** doesn't feel good, right?
00:20:53
Not always and not always long periods.
00:20:56
But I also know that my actions have contributed to how I feel, the things that I've done because I've been so lost in the busy and the doing that I've kind of abandoned myself in a way because I haven't been doing my practices and I haven't been taking the time for myself that I normally would.
00:21:17
So if you're in that season right now, you're ready to give up, another invitation and a deeper invitation is to look at
00:21:26
Is this a familiar pattern or process when things feel hard or sticky or things aren't going the way that you hoped that has played out throughout your life?
00:21:38
And what needs to be acknowledged?
00:21:40
What needs to be acknowledged and what needs to be seen?
00:21:44
Because in order to release anything and in order to move forward from anything, you need to actually acknowledge what's going on.
00:21:50
You can't hide from it, you can't run from it, you can't suppress it.
00:21:53
just doesn't work.
00:21:56
So if you're ready to burn it all down, if you're ready to quit, if you're ready to opt out, please don't.
00:22:01
Please don't.
00:22:03
First, pause.
00:22:05
Second, what do you need?
00:22:08
And third, get support.
00:22:09
What support, help, guidance, assistance do you need?
00:22:13
So you can actually have a plan to move through this rather than feeling like you're
00:22:20
going, but just going around in circles because that's not a fun time.
00:22:25
It's not a fun time.
00:22:27
And as always, if you would love any support or guidance or you have a question for me, please reach out to me.
00:22:35
Yes, this is what it is.
00:22:37
This is what it is to live.
00:22:39
This is what it is to be human.
00:22:40
We all experience certain things and the purpose of this podcast is to help you feel like you are not alone and know that you are not the only one going through it.
00:22:48
So that's what I did.
00:22:50
I've given you an invitation to what you can do to support yourself and please know that I'm here to support you if you need it.
00:22:57
Thank you so much for tuning in to Thriving After Trauma.
00:23:01
If you like this episode, please like it, share it, subscribe to my channel because the more people that share, the more people that talk about this and the more people that subscribe, the more people we're able to support and help to navigate this crazy life of ours as we truly do learn how to thrive after trauma.