Today I am discussing how to stop crying in the bathroom between meetings when you're having a bad day.
In this episode I discuss how:
My free gift can be found here !
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/crying
Today I am discussing how to stop crying in the bathroom between meetings when you're having a bad day.
In this episode I discuss how:
My free gift can be found here !
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/crying
[00:00:00] Hello, everyone. I hope you are well. And if not, I got you. At least you are here. So it is freezing. It is winter here in Australia and I'm it's so cold and we'll lay it up here. Is this really nice? Like it's really sunny today, but it is so cold. It is very, very frustrating and it is very frustrating when I see like my overseas clients and people overseas and it's all like, Oh yeah, it's summertime. And I'm just like, It's a winter and I'm cold. Anyway, on to today's topic, which I'm pretty sure I've landed on the title for this one to be Three Steps to Stop Crying in the Bathroom in between meetings. And I'm really excited about this one. And I'll tell you at the end why I'm really excited about this, because I have a special gift for you around this if this really, really resonates with you, this topic that I'm talking about today. But the reason I'm talking about this topic is it's so common and I don't feel that it is talked about enough, which is when we're having a really hard fucking day and you just want to for COVID, it used to be you're in a meeting and you'd start welling up and then you just want to run away to the bathroom to just like let yourself out of a cry and get through those emotions. I feel like it's definitely been talked about a lot more with COVID, especially like on Tik Tok.
[00:01:30] I used to see a ton of videos where people would get like, you know, upset or something like that, like after a meeting and stuff like that. But I still feel as though there is a little bit of stigma around it. And I wanted to talk about that and talk about the special little gift that I have for all of you post this. So exactly what am I? What am I? What the hell am I talking about? What is this? And I'm going to give you an example of when you're actually in the office, and I'll explain in a second way. So you're in a meeting or a ton of people and whether there's personal shit going on, whether you've just had a really hard chat with your manager about something, whether a project has failed, whether people are really, really disgruntled, and you are sitting there in that meeting and you start to feel a lump in your throat and you start all over your body like feeling like you just want to like run away, like, almost like repulsion. And you are biting your tongue or doing anything you possibly can to not cry in front of people. And you are pushing it down. And yet at the same time you are just feeling so overwhelmed and post that meeting you just go straight to the bathroom and you just let it all out. And whilst you're in the bathroom having a little cry in the stall by yourself, you're also just like, Why am I like this? Like no one else is getting upset.
[00:02:58] Why am I the fucking one crying in the bathroom? And you think, okay, if I have this cry like I'll get over it. You don't get over it. You're still fucking upset, you still keep crying, and then you have your next meeting that you need to go to and you're just like, shit, like, go away. Why? Why isn't this working? And then in there you're just judging yourself, you're shaming yourself. You're like, Why am I so emotional? You just like working yourself up, you could say, and you're sitting there just really ashamed of yourself because it's like, Why am I like this? Why am I the one that has to run away person meeting something that's like very professional, formal and stuff like that to go have a cry. What the fuck is wrong with me? First of all, if you are listening and you're like, Yep, that's fucking me, I want you to know right fucking now. Nothing is wrong with you. This is very common and it isn't fucking talked about. It's like post-COVID. I feel it is talked about a lot more, but it is still under the surface. And the weird thing is, this is my perspective here. I think post-COVID, one of the reasons it is kind of more, I guess you could say and this is my thoughts on this acceptable is.
[00:04:14] We were working from home, so we were. This was happening in our own homes. So I noticed how I remember judging myself, being like shit, like God, thank God. I'm like, not in the office. Like, Oh my God. I'd be like crying all the time. And I felt as though more people, you know, during obviously this like crazy period where, you know, a bit more vulnerable, a bit more open. But I felt as though because it wasn't happening in front of other people, like I would go talk to other people about it after it had happened. It was slightly more acceptable, if that made sense, because we weren't in that corporate kind of formal environment. We were more like everyone was on a virtual meeting, the cameras were off and then straight after you go and like feel upset and stuff like that. And I feel as though when you're in the office there is almost like an unwritten rule around how we're supposed to act as people and coming off as too emotional is not acceptable. And these thoughts come from a whole heap of socialization, the patriarchy, a whole ton of beliefs that I used to hold about how I was meant to show up in the world. And yet I still see it. I still see a lot of people holding these views, either for themselves or others. And it's like, well, no, I'm I'm going to write an episode on it because I this happens and it's common.
[00:05:47] Sometimes we're having bad fucking day. Sometimes you're feeling absolutely fine. And it could be just like the tone of someone's voice or how it was perceived that made you feel really uncomfortable. And then what we do is we make it worse for ourselves by going away and shaming ourselves. And this obviously from the story that I'm giving you, this used to be me and it is so interesting how less quote unquote emotional I am now, now that I have a real handle on my feelings and my emotions. And I want to share some of these tips for you for if this scenario happens. So the first tip is. Look, I get it right. You're in the middle of a meeting. You probably like me. I used to, like, be, like, do not cry in front of this person. Like, bite your fucking tongue when you have the chance. Go to the bathroom, like I said, and really let yourself cry. Now you might be thinking, but, Michelle, I'm already doing that. Are you or are you going there to kind of quickly kind of shake out the excess energy hoping? Right. I'll just quickly have a cry and then I'll get over it. I'll go straight back to work. Are you properly letting yourself feel all the feels really feel that lump in your throat, the water in your eyes, that like hotness really sitting in potentially that anger that you have about I don't know what so-and-so said because what you are very likely doing is in this moment, I call it running into the fire and pouring gasoline on yourself.
[00:07:27] And I talk about it in some earlier episodes, but basically emotions, they're like a house fire. And either you're running away from the house fire and that house fire is growing and it's like, I'm going to come get you like you're pushing it down or you're really in it you like, and this is what I have found. We go away, we think that we're going to process this and we're just going to like move on. But what you're actually doing is you're really kind of ruminating in it. You're really just in that fire and you're just adding more to it. So how the hell do like, what's the bloody difference? The difference is when this happens. If this happens to you, I want you to just like sit there, be as calm as you can, and just give yourself as much time as possible. I don't fucking care if you have another meeting or something like that. You're not going to be in the best headspace to be handling it. Okay. Give yourself some time to let your nervous system start regulating itself. Watch what you are thinking. What's your actual body? Notice the physical sensations in your body. That is, you processing an emotion. That is you being a third party and watching the house fire, not reacting to it, just like watching it.
[00:08:48] In regards to the metaphor here and give yourself as much time as possible, say to yourself, I'm giving myself the time that I need to process and let this emotion out. And it is okay if I still feel upset after this, because here's another tip to stop trying to make yourself feel better straight away. That's what I say all the time. Because here's the thing. After you have like a big emotional cry, do you feel 1,000% better and just like back to it? No, I don't know how this feels for you, but that's how it feels to me. Whenever this happens for me and I have like a big emotional cry and I do start to get a little bit better, like, maybe so, you know, when COVID was happening, I would regularly cry cause crazy things are happening at that time, and my partner would comfort me and I'd feel a little bit better. And then there's this, like, mild hum of like, I don't know how to explain it, but it's almost like a little bit of like light depression, which is not a good word for it, but it's like a light depressed state. You're okay, but you could really use a fucking hug if that makes sense. And it's just staying there and it's really weird. Like sometimes really nice little things would make you just that, like, you know, bring that little bit of spark or make you a little bit happy.
[00:10:11] Like, my partner might bring me tea and it's like, Oh, thank you so much. Like, you're really I think the best word for this is vulnerable. I actually just that's probably what it is. And I'm just not going to picking up the word here. You're feeling vulnerable. And the problem is we don't accept that. You don't accept your emotions. And guess what? You make it worse for yourself. That's why you continue to cry and keep going and you're like, Oh my God, it's not getting better. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's it's like that. Probably one of the biggest things as well. If you want to be less emotional, you have to be emotional as in you have to non-judgmental. Let your emotions be there. Let them come out and give yourself as much time as possible. I guarantee you, once I started doing this, that's how I became, quote unquote, less emotional because I'm not shoving it down. What's happening? You are having some thoughts, whether it be about the situation that's happening and you are feeling really, really overwhelmed, whatever you want and your stress response is kicking in. It's it's like, what the fuck is going on here? It is kicking in. You are feeling all the feels. And what typically tends to happen is we don't listen to it. When you listen to it, when you let it be there, non-judgmental, it kind of like it's like a kid having a tantrum.
[00:11:34] You let the toddler have a tantrum and then it will like eventually calm down. What we do is we like to kind of grab like it's a bad metaphor here, but like it's like we're grabbing our internal toddler and we're like, no, shut up, just stop it, stop it. What do you think that's going to make it do? It's going to make it scream even louder. It's going to be like, No, you're not listening to me. What are you doing? Stop pushing me away. What do you stop? It's really annoying. And then at the same time you're judging it, you're saying, Oh my God, why are you like this? Shut up, just stop. Just stop crying. Just stop it. Stop being like this. That's what you're doing to yourself. But if you just let the emotions out, I know they're fucking scary. Trust me. I know. I know they are scary. You let yourself really feel those emotions. Then it's going to have its tantrum and then it's going to come back down. But you were going to extend your internal tantrum when you were just stifling it. When you are pushing it away, judging it, telling it, it shouldn't be there. Being like, Why aren't I feeling 110% better because I got all this work to do. Trust me, if you're accepting of how you feel in that moment and even throughout the day, if you feel vulnerable, you're actually going to likely be working just that little bit better than if you're telling yourself, Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
[00:12:56] I need to feel. I need to feel 1,000% better, like super happy again. I just. It's like you just expect it to be a switch, right? Like, I think we think, okay, I have a cry, whatever. And now I should be better. I should just be back to normal. It's just a it's like a release gauge or something like that. It's not it's not like that. It's more like waves. And you are fighting that wave and you are swimming against the current and then you're getting really tired versus just riding the wave and accepting where you're at right now. So tip number two, stop fucking judging yourself and like being so mean to yourself about it. Tip number three is you really need to start being more aware of your thoughts. Now, here is the thing that I noticed. Now that I have come full circle and I am, you know, quote unquote, less emotional and stuff like that, I really had no insight as to what I was thinking. I did not listen to myself because I didn't like what I would say to myself. I would sometimes feel these feelings and it's like, Where is this coming from? And now I can kind of say a lot easier. Oh, shit. No, I'm thinking all these, like, mean things about myself, and it takes practice, by the way, what I'm telling you to do, but really be a almost third observer and it's not too crazy to do.
[00:14:26] All you need to do is when this situation is happening, just notice what you're thinking. You can be thinking, Oh, I can't believe a fucking did this. Or It's so mean. Like, I can't believe they said that to me. They are so mean and this is shit and I hate everything and blah blah blah. Just being aware of that is so powerful because when you are aware of what you are thinking, that is influencing how you are feeling. And that's not to say that we need to like in this moment change them at all, but just notice that internal monologue that you give yourself when you go into this state, when you go into the bathroom to cry, is there a story that you typically tell yourself? For me, it was literally, I'm shit. It was like basically I'd have a ton of thoughts about the situation, whatever it was, and then it would go into my own. Like it would just direct it back onto me. I'm shit. I'm a failure. I'm not important. I'm not doing good enough. This sucks. I'm a failure. Why am I really one crying? I'm so emotional. I'm not cut out for this corporate job because I'm too emotional. No one else is crying. I wait my heart on my sleeve, blah blah blah blah. Like all of that.
[00:15:45] I started to become more aware of and be like, how the fuck is telling myself I'm too emotional helping me at all in this scenario. If anything, it's probably going to make me more emotional again. When you push the emotions away, it's like you become more emotional. When you let the emotions be there, you become less emotional. I say this, um, quote unquote, because emotions are normal, natural things and humans react differently. And you know what? I had a lot of thoughts about how I should be in a corporate world and how I should act. And a lot of that just stemmed on beliefs that I learnt from family society. Internalized misogyny. And it's like, no, I'm going to fucking choose how I want to think about myself moving forward. And last time I checked, we're all human beings working on projects with other human beings as part of like corporations. And guess what? We're actually really emotional humans, and that's normal and that's natural and that's fine. And when you're more accepting of that, I swear to God, it is like the biggest oxymoron on the planet. You become less emotional. It's almost like everything we've been taught. Shocking news, everyone. Everything we've been taught is like the opposite. When people say, like, if you have this belief, like be less emotional, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff, it's actually the opposite. If you let the emotions come out, you become less emotional, which is really contradictory to some of the beliefs that I really held for a long time about how I should be acting.
[00:17:24] And one more thing I really want to add to this as well, because one key thought I used to have and I also see with like a lot of the people that I work with is but everyone else isn't reacting the same way. So fucking what? Who cares? Okay, so that other person doesn't cry when they so-and-so talks in that tone. Okay. That's where all different like. I say that, by the way, shouting at your through your headphones. I say that with love. I'm saying that probably to myself because I used to really beat myself up on this one, because I would just compare myself to everyone else, even if that was true. Why am I making that a fucking problem? Seriously. We're all different. You can see now that I have do have a level of acceptance, but for me what had happened was I do remember this really strongly. I remember like way, way early like years ago, really early on my career. I remember my, like, family basically being like, you know, Michelle, you got to get a little bit of tougher skin. You know, like these aren't things to be, you know, getting super upset about and stuff like that. I really held onto that for most of my career. This belief that I am overreacting to things. And here is a thing. Holding that thought just doesn't help you, even if it's true.
[00:18:52] So what? And I would say, ask yourself that. So what? What does it what does it mean? What are you making that mean about you? Because I guarantee you, everyone has their own perception of what is considered, you know, too emotional or just the right amount of emotion. And that is dictated by their thoughts, which is also dictated by all the family, society, cultural beliefs, whatever that have been ingrained. Who's to say that their opinion is right? Because I guarantee you, like one person could look at me and say that, no, Michelle is like really not. I don't know. They could say I'm emotionless for all I know. And then another stack of people would be like, Oh no, Michelle is like, really got like really Fieldy or whatever. It's, it's just perception based off other people's thoughts. And those thoughts have just come from their own beliefs. That's it. That's all it is. And you don't do yourself any favors when you're berating yourself with that and comparing yourself to others. Again, they might be looking at you being like, Wow, I don't know. I wish I had their fashion, fashion sense or something like that. I guess what I'm trying to articulate is that it's all fucking made up seriously. It really is all made up because humans have different viewpoints and perceptions is no, it's not like the universe is going to come down and give you a fucking letter and say from the universe you are too emotional.
[00:20:22] Standards of emotions or whatever are created by the society we are in, by the values and thoughts that we have picked up. And I'm saying that you can fucking define that for yourself. Now you might be thinking, but Michelle, how I've heard you three tips, but I'm really not where you're at yet with all your beliefs and stuff. I am far fucking from it. And some of the bullshit you're saying right now. It's a little too much for me. I've got you. Don't you bloody worry because I have a gift for you. I have a freebie, I have created a workbook, a tool kit that is going to go through everything that I've learnt from the life, coach, school, everything that I've applied to in my own self coaching journey in the past two years. It is condensed into a short workbook that is going to give you everything you need to understand your emotions and to get that basically that power back, to get some of that control back. And it goes through a lot of the topics that we've talked to today, but in more detail. And at the end of that is a really specific exercise that I do myself that I'm giving to you to for free. I take my clients through it as well. That is going at you can use any freaking time this happens and you what you were doing when you were doing that is you are processing an emotion and when you keep doing that, you are going to get better at doing it and you are going to become, quote unquote, less emotional.
[00:22:00] This is everything that I like. I wish I had this two years ago because I just explain in just like key concepts in a few pages what I wish I knew. It took me two years to like, learn and articulate. I've put it into a short little workbook for you the key things you need to know about your emotions, how to get that power back, how to stop crying in the bathroom, how to stop judging yourself and feeling like crap. How to start showing up more confidently in your job and in yourself. How do you get the fucking energy that I have right now? Which is this really like don't care attitude? Because I really believe in me, my abilities, my capabilities and I fucking accept who I am. And if someone out there is going to think I'm emotional, that's their opinion. This energy has created so many good things. I'm less, quote unquote, emotional. I'm not crying in the bathroom in between meetings anymore when shit is hitting the fan. I genuinely love my corporate job and I really, really enjoy it when shit hits the fan at work. I'm not going on stress leave or sick leave. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Everyone has to go on that.
[00:23:20] I'm a lot more cool, calm and collected when shit happens. I don't make it mean anything about myself and my abilities. And this workbook is the tip of the iceberg to your coaching journey to really starting to feel passionate about your job again. Because to feel passionate about your job is to also feel passionate about your fucking self and your amazing Eunice and really appreciating that and seeing the positive qualities in you so that you can fucking bring that to your job and let that shine. And I'm so honored to have created this and like give this to you for free. It's just everything that I'm looking at it. I'm like, I wish I had this two years ago. This would have been great. So I'm glad I get to share it with you. So if you would like to receive that head on over to my Instagram, there will be a there's a link in the bio, as I call it. That's what I was trying to get to in my head. Click the link, you'll be able to download it and stop putting yourself in the right direction. Putting yourself where I'm at right now, because everyone should everyone should fucking feel like this. Everyone should be allowed to embrace themselves for who they are and but have the courage to do that. And I really feel that this workbook is going to help with that. All right. Take care of you. One bite.