How to deal with Big F*cking Feelings

How to do more in less time without losing your sh*t

November 28, 2022 Michelle Kevill Season 1 Episode 72
How to deal with Big F*cking Feelings
How to do more in less time without losing your sh*t
Show Notes Transcript

In today's episode I am going to show you how to do more in less time MINUS the mind drama !

 In this episode we discuss how: 

  • What is doing more in less time ?
  • How doing LESS = MORE in the long run
  • The real reason it's so hard to do less 
  • Key tips + strategies 

Show notes and the transcript can be found here:

Hello, everyone, I hope you're well. And if not, I got you, at least you are here. My name is Michelle Kevill. And I help high achieving corporate women feel passionate about their job again. And today I'm talking about how to do more in less time and what I exactly mean. Because there is a lot of discussion on the internet, and amongst coaches about what it is I'm exactly talking about. And I think what a couple people do with this is they, first of all, y'all are probably healing and believe you, I don't think that's true. It's not possible, I just got to keep doing lots of stuff. And there are some of you out there who are like, but I just want to do less lies, it's kind of like the math doesn't make sense. It's kind of like I'm saying, two plus two equals five, and you're like, it doesn't, here is here is the math. And I'm like, okay, that that you're missing something in the equation here. And what you kind of been taught is a little bit of a lie that goes against you. Okay, so I'm going to set the scene, what am I talking about? What do I mean? Let me give you the one two story of what I'm talking about here. And the reason and also the reason why this is so freakin important that you understand this, especially if you are a very driven career, person, woman, whatever you want to go places in your career, and you're wondering how the fuck am I gonna do that without burning out? Alright, So picture this, you're at the office, and you decided to get in a little bit earlier, because you had a lot of meetings and a lot of things to do. And you went there with this intention of like, right, I'm gonna go in, and I'm gonna get my shit done. And it's going to be a very productive day came out the end of that day being like, that was the shittiest day that was not productive. And everything on my list did not fucking happen. You're starting out, you know, you like you're in your maybe it's like 830 in the morning, like people are starting to come in you have your coffee. And you know that start where it's almost like you start your to do list and you're like, right girl, I'm gonna get it, like you feel ready. You know, that energy I'm talking about, it's like this push energy like, like a, you know, the runners on the track. And they they do that little like up thing with their legs. Or sometimes they're like, they push off from something to like, help them run faster, it kind of feels like that sorts of well, and then all of a sudden, you start to get way too many emails. And they're all like, you know, quite a few of them all, like high importance, then you start getting messages on teams and like people need help, or whatever message or platform you have, then people start walking by your desk because they need something. And then oh, look, wait, now that meeting that you have to attend, you have to go now and you've barely started your to do list, then that meeting goes over and goes through to the next meeting, and you keep going late. And then that other meeting now cuts through lunch. Now you're like, Well, I still need to do the shit. And I've got a ton of other meetings and things that I need to do for the rest of the day. So you quickly go like scuffed down your lunch, most likely you're eating it at your desk. And it just starts to get worse and worse. It's almost like you started off running really fast. And then you kind of started to lose a breath. You're like, oh my god, this is terrible. And that's what's happening here. You have a little bit of hope and faith that you know, maybe it'll turn around the rest of the afternoon will be free, but it's just the same thing. More messages more getting pulled into things, people are pulling into meetings, people are coming to your desk needing things and you're starting to get more and more irritated and you're sort of bugging distracted and mad at this point. You're just like over it. You're like I just I have shit that I need to do and you feel a little bit of like a slave to what's going on around you. And you kind of likely get to a point where you kind of put your foot down like nope, right? I'm going to like, block out, you know, go to a quiet room or book a meeting room out, put my headphones in, you know, fuck, I'll pretend I'm on a call for God dammit. I'm just gonna keep doing you know what I needed to do. But still people either try find you. That orange messenger thing is like flashing you're getting all these notifications. You're on Do Not Disturb even like potentially people are calling you and you just feel futile. Like it's almost like you have a bunch of kids at home and you're like hiding away in the closet to try to get some space to them and they're still like running to you being like, Mom, I need you and you're just like at work like but I just got to do this thing. Please just leave me alone. And the problem with this solution of just being like, right, I gotta you know, like go turn myself off from the world hide myself away. Is While you're not really, you're not really holding yourself accountable to it, you're not really doing it, like you're getting that message or that call, and you're still, like, Oh, I gotta you know, it's part of the job, I got to do it, I got to help these people, I got to sort this out. And like, I get it, right, like I have to everyone, this is so common. Like, we've all been there where we're sitting, hiding away, trying so hard to get our work done. But also, in the back of the head, we're like, oh, but so and so needs my help. And his emails just come through and the team needs me or I need to respond back, I still haven't responded back to that very senior person. I totally understand that. The challenge with this solution right off like, oh, we'll just go away. And I'll you know, I'll sort it out is you're not sticking to it. Like you're not, you're still answering the calls, you're still potentially answering like the messages, you're still feeling compelled to do that. And what happens is, you end up in the same situation where you still haven't gotten any work done, you end up working late, potentially late into the night, but that by that point, you fucking tired and feel things you like such a drain? And then you're thinking, Well, how am I going to do this? If I want to climb up to the corporate ladder? How, how is this going to work? Like, I'm going to be expected to do more? And I can't even manage this now. Like, is this my limit? And you might be thinking, Oh, I just need like another, you know, maybe I need to follow another time management course, etc. and figure it out. Like I'm obviously not very organized. And I'm just scrambling everywhere. And there's probably a lot of judgment and blame about yourself. What no one does. And I don't mean this in a mean way. But what no one when I say no one does, what I mean is no one teaches you how to go internal. Because think about it, right? You're potentially practicing some of these boundaries, right? Like putting yourself on Do Not Disturb. But how much are you sticking to it?

That's where your downfall is. That's where the solution isn't working. It's because a deep part of you is saying, I see the flashy thing of my team's messenger in the corner. What if it's someone really important? I need to go answer it. Oh, so and so me really need my help. And I don't want them to be in stress. Oh, another project has come in so and so I was sick. And all this stuff is happening. Like I really should be taking it on to help people out. If this sounds like you. That's your thinking. That is all your beliefs. That is a whole heap of conditioning, which I'm going to go into. That's what that is nothing to necessarily do with what you're trying to do on the outside. What you're trying to implement and, and stop because think about it. How many seriously, how many times have you done this? How many times you tried, but it just discussed getting a meeting room trying to you know, try and stick to do not disturb whatever, and it doesn't work? Have you ever asked yourself? Why doesn't this work? Why am I not sticking to it? And I don't doubt your brain will give you a whole heap of reason. reasons like, oh, it's the job. It's really stressful. Like, I should be helping people. Have you ever thought to question those surface level thoughts? Right? Have you ever thought to question those and say, Why do I feel like I need to take on that project? Why do I feel like I need to go help? So and So why do I feel the need to say yes to another project when my play is fucking full? Here's what's actually going to work for you to stick to these boundaries of like, either saying no, or not looking at your team's messages and stuff like that. is by changing the way you think changing those thoughts when it pops up in the moment, right? Let's take the team's example. You've got a messenger or something it's flashing, you're on Do Not Disturb. You feel compelled. You know that feeling that anxiety? Right? And you're thinking in your mind, oh, I have to do it. That's the fucking part you need to manage. We need to change all of that. And to do that we need to uncover why you feel the need to do it. How you like what are you making this mean about yourself as a human no one goes to that level. No one teaches you how to do it, because you're just likely believing it No, this is the job this is how it is. But ever Have you ever gone a step further and deeper and kept kept just going with it and challenging those thoughts? And being like, well, you know, why do I feel like you know, this company like just keep going with all your thoughts keep asking why will very likely happen is deep down? Is there a deep down a sense of like, a lack of worthiness? Feeling like you're not good enough feeling like you need to prove yourself? Are you tying your self worth to your job? These are deep rooted thoughts in your brain that are then popping up playing havoc and telling you when your brain is like, oh my god, we should answer this message because it could be someone important what that actually is, is you You need to do the thing and to that person who could be really, really important so that they think good things about you. And so that we can feel happy and safe and built and have that evidence to believe that we're good enough. That's ultimately what's happening. But no one teaches you how to go damn do this. So you get stuck in a cycle of to get it gets really hard like you're white knuckling it right now. You're like, No, I know what I need to do. Your rational brain is like, Yep, I need to go lock myself in a room for myself and do not disturb and not genuinely answer, unless it's like a real emergency, like a real proper emergency, not just like, hey, I have this question about this thing here. But how do you manage these thoughts that are popping up? And how do you manage the anxiety that pops up? That is like, oh, I want you but I feel anxious when you don't do the thing. And you don't listen to me. And we're not doing the thing of answering that or important email, I feel I feel that, like, you're going between the two because then you do go into the message, email, whatever. And you get pulled into all these things. And what ends up happening is at the end of the day, you're like, great, I didn't get anything done. Perfect. Now I have to let go over work or something. Why do I have to overwork because I still have to get I believe I have to get this done, I still got to prove my worth, I still got to do all this stuff you're doing is you're not prioritizing yourself, you are prioritizing others, and their thoughts and their feelings over you. And you've likely never questioned why you do that. Because it is a whole heap of set of social conditioning. And like family structures, there's a whole heap of stuff as to why you do that. And on top of that, no one has taught you how to do it properly and effectively. No one has told you that you could just embrace and allow the anxiety. No one has told you how to do that properly, because you're likely thinking but I am I'm sitting with it, and it feels terrible. And I it's gross. No, you're resisting it. If the anxiety is really intense that you feel so compelled to answer the flashing orange team's message. And that like, you know, like, for me, it like starts really hot in my chest. And it just spreads out all the way into my arms. It's almost like fire, and it goes into my throat. If you aren't just being present with that, noticing it being curious about it is great way to be present with it be like hmm, the lump in my throat interesting. You're just like, go running with that feeling like up is Gross is too much. And then escalating the feeling even more. And you know, you start to get heart palpitations. And this is where potentially, like panic attacks can happen. Because you're getting, you're like, oh shit, I'm feeling an emotion. Ah, and then now it's like emotion on top of emotion, you add fire to it. It's like, Oh, my God, and you start freaking out about the emotion that's resisting the emotion. You're can just continue to do your thing. You know, set your boundary until your mind No, I understand that you feel this way. I am going to continue doing my work right now and let that orange thing flash. And this is the problem. Like, the reason it is so hard is because we have grown up in a society that says negative emotions are bad, you should feel happy, you should feel good. You should feel content and we just go with whatever the fuck our brain tells us to do. Like, haven't you ever just thought the most stupidest randomness of things? Like sometimes I'll be like, I don't know. Maybe I'm like, slices of bread or something. And all like eating food. And my brain is sometimes like poke yourself with the fork. I'm like, What? No, it sounds so random. I seen tech talks about them. Like, you know, when your brain just comes up with stupid stuff. Like sometimes it's like, I'm driving a car. My brain is like, oh, you know, if we like, crashed, and there's all this traffic, like it will be so bad and terrible. Not that I want to do it. But my brain is just like telling me like the worst case scenario. Like if we if this did happen, it would be bad. And if you moved your hand just a little bit over. Fuck, we could cause a major crash. And then I kind of use ice here really shocked about it. But what the fuck? I don't want to do that though. It shouldn't brain being fucking stupid. It's just like, hey, he's just random shit for you. Like, you don't take that seriously. Right? Like, okay, Brian, cool. I'm just gonna continue driving and doing my thing. Now, while you're just I don't know, bringing up random stuff. This is why it is so hard to get out of this terrible loop. It's hard because there's just so many consistent thoughts that I'm seeing and beliefs that we have about emotions is a lack of emotional regulation. Ie How do I like calm myself down? How do I redirect my brain is a lot of just going with whatever our brain tells us, especially when it comes to like, corporate anxiety, like lots of things going on. And we think that's the best thing to do. And there's not a lot of stepping back and objectively looking at what's happening and being like Alright, how, what is it that I really need to be doing right now? How do I solve for this? And now I'm going to tell you some tips to help you to do that. And what I mean When I say doing less, is actually doing more that you're doing right now is you're piling on your plate, you're just doing all the things. You're just doing everything right now. And you're not even exploring those thoughts as to why you're doing it, you aren't getting down to the deep reason as to why like, why do you feel so compelled to take things on? Really just whatever that thought is like, I have to do it. It's my job. Just keep asking why? Oh, my job expects me to do it. Why? Or why is that a problem? Well, if I don't do it, then people will be upset with me. Why? Why is that a problem? Well, if people are upset with me, like, I'll be upsetting myself, why? Why is that a problem, I keep going, you'll find that thought comes directly back to you. And it's something to do about very likely not being good enough or wanting to prove something. And that's not a bad thing, or me trying to criticize here. It's just such a common theme that I see. And then because that is so ingrained in you, it's going to do everything to self sabotage yourself, you're going to be taking on way more, you're going to be just saying yes to any project, you're going to be pulled into all these meetings and not setting healthy boundaries. Because you have this deep thought, like I'm not good enough. And I need to continuously prove things to myself, like I need to be doing more, I need to prove that to others, and I need to feel safe.

The problem is, human beings are not robots, we pile ourselves up with a ton of stuff. And we just drain our battery. You just drain it completely. And you just end up doing that work at night. And the problem is, you likely think well, you know, I gotta get it done. You're getting it to try to get it done on like, 10% battery, it's just not gonna work. Like how many times have you tried to be framing up an email, and it's like, seven o'clock at night. And then maybe you just thought one time you like, fuck it, I'm doing this tomorrow. You do it the next morning, and that email is so much faster to write? Well, that problem you're trying to work out so much easier, you'll know why it was fucking easier. So you got some fucking rest, you recharge your battery, your brain is your biggest asset. That's how you do more in less time, you start by doing a ton less you work on this shit, like your thoughts, your feelings, like again, really being in the moment when your brain is like, No, I want to go into the message and stuff like that, like allowing that to pop up and be there. And continuing to go about it. Like just let the anxiety be present, prove like do an experiment on yourself, see what happens go brain for like, the next two hours, I'm not going to like look at the teams or do all this stuff. And we're going to see what happens. Okay, we're gonna see if my whole team, you know, lost its shit, the world died, the computers in the pole system, your corporation broke or something like that, let's just see what happens. I guarantee you, they're like nothing worst case scenario that your brain is trying to protect you from doesn't happen. It's like, oh, then you realize that you can set these boundaries, you realize, oh, look how much more I'm getting done when I do less. And it starts by doing a ton less, like a ton less like really assessing what you have on your plate, working out what it is that I potentially need to have an open conversation with my manager, or colleagues to be like, hey, you know, I need to like take on less, or I need to go build this documentation on this thing. So people have the knowledge and resources and I need time to do that. And it's going to be time saving for everyone like I need to scale my help. I think the best way to explain it is through a metaphor, you're running a marathon really tired, you're exhausted, you weren't partying the night before you had a lot of alcohol. And like you're sick as well, and you're expecting to run this long marathon, it's going to take you longer, and you're just going to feel way way drained. But that's the only way you think you can do it. But actually, I'm coming in and telling you actually, if you rest the night before, if you you know maybe don't, I'm not a marathon runner, obviously, you don't train exactly like a couple, you know, the hour before the thing you rest give yourself a lot of energy, you'll be able to do that marathon a whole heap better. And then you try that you don't want to try it but you try it and then you see the results you're like holy shit. That's how it happens that just how but the first step is to seeing that it's possible for you to do less and then create more ie create more value. Because remember, it's kind of like humans like it's a whole like battery example that I'm giving you the reason I'm giving you lots of metaphors is I have found a couple of my clients and like people that I'm like speaking to a really finding this challenging and they finding it challenging because of like corporate capital and the corporations but all that mainly capitalism. Capitalism is like be productive do all these things and stuff like that and it's like, but no, no, this is the way to do it. Like we just got to do all the things at once. I'm like, no, no, no. Your brain has a certain level of capacity, it has a certain level of battery power, and you're trying to do the 20,000 things on 10%, I'm doing it and telling you take a whole heap of shit off your plate, take a whole heap of shit off your plate, rest more, then you'll start to find when you are resting more, when you're prioritizing your breaks, when you're not working into the night, you'll be getting more done way faster, you'll also stop being a perfectionist, because a lot of you are just sitting there just like, Oh, I got to make it perfect, etc. It's like, Dude, you got to get like a minus workout, you've got to be like doing that it's okay, because that is also taking up a lot of your time as well. And there is likely a fear deep down around, but I need to keep working on this. I don't want to get any bad feedback, etc. Couldn't you just accept that you are still learning things. And when you get that done, you get that information, that feedback, whatever it is, or whatever it is, you implement it and you just go on to the next you're like you keep going on you keep leveling up faster. It's the same thing here with doing less equals more. For example, I want to give his like, think about when like a really, really tired and your brain has genuinely had enough. And sometimes even whether it's work or like at home, you just like bucket just gonna like half clean house or usable house examples half clean it, I don't care, then you look at it. And it's like, okay, the house isn't, you know, the exact standard that I like to have it in but I you know, I got the basics done, I got it cleaned. It's, it's the same thing really no, a lot of you like, but it's not perfectly clean. But is it good enough? Is it so that after that you're able to spend time with the kids and relax and have a family? Do you really want to be obsessing about your house and how clean it is all the time, I have an episode on that, which you can go check out. So this is what I mean, when I'm talking about less is more. And I'm really passionate about this because it is such a block for people, your brain is seriously it's your best asset. If you don't take care of it, you're going to end up doing more in a more time, like long longer it is it's just going to take forever. This is how you do like cars seriously. I say this from experience when I started my new job like a couple of years ago. And I did less and it was hard because my brain was like, but I want to do all the things I allowed myself to learn. I took the time, I then started to get faster at what I was doing, and then started to accept that my value and my worth was tied to my job. So then I was presenting things and I was getting feedback faster, and I was implementing it faster. And then I was really hard on prioritizing my breaks. Because like I just started seeing this pattern when I took my lunch break properly, not eating at my desk when I took it properly. That issue I was having on the code that I was running went away in 10 minutes. It's like oh shit, that's what it was like, I get it. Now I gotta recharge my brain, I'm seeing it. You can do the same for yourself. But it starts with looking at your thoughts. Why do you have to keep answering your messages and stuff like that really deeply ask that question and see what you're getting. And secondly, if you are trying, if you're like, Fuck, I am booking in a room and I'm going away, you really got to be present with that. You just got to know it and to be present with it is just to be curious and notice the physical sensations in your body. And instead of being like I feel anxiety, it could be I feel tightness in my chest. Could you experience tightness in your chest for two hours so that you can get this really important project done? And, you know, experiment and see what happens afterwards. Do the world die. Ask yourself that and your brain will probably be like, Oh, no, well, everything like was was okay. Like, like, things got figured out without me. Hmm. Okay, or maybe you know, the person needed me, but it was okay. Like it was able to do my thing. And then I was able to help them. Hmm, interesting. You've given yourself new evidence and a new belief that, hey, this could work if you want, way more details on this. And if you're new and you've just finally found me Hi, hello. Check out my previous episodes because I go into like impostor syndrome and a whole heap of stuff. And if you are listening, and you're like, Clark, I want to do less in more time. This is really challenging. I find this hard. I've tried this so many times I've tried, you know, pushing and pushing isn't like trying to do the thing and it just keeps failing. And I want to in you want to move in your career. So many of you believe that if I keep moving up, I'm going to have to do more. And I'm going to be working like 50,000 hours a week and you know there's a point where I'm going to have to stop. I guarantee you that is not the case you do not have to burn out this is what these are the tools that I have taught my clients in detail. Booking a discovery call with me. I really want to help you I want to help you see that there is a way It is possible, I want to help you see that you've been lighting fire with two stones. And I'm coming in saying, Hey, you can use a matchstick. And you're a little bit like what really matchstick there is. That's gonna work really? Up, that's the thing. It's no because like, seriously, our society isn't talk about us. So it isn't like, do less to do more prioritize rest, it is starting to but it's like such, you know, bare bones. And it's more like, take breaks. It's like, okay, how though? How do I deal with the internal drama in my head? I'm gonna teach you how to do that. And if you're hesitant, and you're like, oh, I don't know. Just think, do you really want to continue doing this into like your 70s and 80s? Because given the state of the world, are we walking to court for jobs to like, way past 60 Here? Do you really want to keep living this way? Do you really want to keep burning out? Do you really want to keep missing precious time with your kids and family? Is it possible that there's a new future where you could climb your career where you could prioritize yourself first, where you could do less in more time where you could actually have a fulfilling career and love your job?

Could that be possible for you? I didn't think it was possible for me. And I got promoted two times in under one year. And because I didn't change anything about myself, other than the internal work that I'm telling you right now. And truly believing that me being well rested produces such good, amazing work. You can learn this as well. So it's time for you to book in a discovery call. I know it might feel a little bit like oh, and it's okay. It's great. Seriously, I have a chat with you around what you're going through all the stuff going on, at your work, what your goals are. And I take you through exactly what you need to learn and start implementing over the next six months. Then I give you a little taste tester on what it is like what what is coaching? What is it all about? We talk about a work issue. We go in in detail. You have a little mini revelation. And after that you go away and you make your decision on whether you want to continue. It's all up to you and the power is all in your hands to make that decision the first step to changing your life. All right, that is all for today. I will see you next week.