How to deal with Big F*cking Feelings

Get rid of Sunday Scaries: Tips for a Calmer Start to the Week

January 30, 2023 Michelle Kevill Season 1 Episode 77
How to deal with Big F*cking Feelings
Get rid of Sunday Scaries: Tips for a Calmer Start to the Week
Show Notes Transcript

In today's episode, we discuss how to overcome the feeling of Sunday Scaries and how to enjoy your future Sundays. 

In this episode we cover: what Sunday Scaries are, why simply going for another walk won't help, and what you can do to get rid of this feeling.

Show notes and the transcript can be found here:

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Hello, everyone, I hope you're well and if not, I got you at least you are here. My name is Michelle Kevill and I help Hi Jamie Kolbert women feel passionate about their job again. Now you are hearing this probably late January. It is a new year for me it is officially 2023 I am ready to go into the new year. I feel some exciting things are going to be happening in my business. We are like we I am growing. I did a post recently about the podcast it is growing. So thank you to all my fans. And today, we're going to talk about Sunday scaries. It did a very similar episode on this one called worried about work five ways to actually enjoy your weekend. This one is specifically going to touch a little bit more on a deeper level around literal Sunday blues, feeling scared on a Sunday, especially for anyone that's like new here. And it's just like, did what I did a few years ago. And I found this coaching work and is looking up like on the podcast like we're going up in your search bar, like how to get rid of feeling like shit on a Sunday before I go back to work and have another panic attack. Well, I am going to give you the you know, one on one on why it's happening, how and what you now need to do so that you alleviate it completely, like it's gone. I very rarely have this anymore. My clients are shocked at how quickly they were able to enjoy their weekends and be more present. By learning these tools. The biggest thing we need to talk about is and I'll go all into this, and I'm just so sick of this being fucking normalized. Okay, this whole, yeah, it's normal to just feel like you know, super stressed and you want to die. And like, you know, some of you it's like mild, but for a lot of you have you search and you have found this podcast, it's bad. Like you're feeling pretty fucking anxious. Some of you are taking sleep medication, or your own anxiety medication to try to deal with this. And it's getting to a point where maybe you're seeing some people, some professionals and you're like, I really don't know what to do. This was me a few years ago, and it was the tools and life coaching that really helped me understand what was going on, and how to manage it. And I'm going to share it with you. And if you are going through this and you are listening to this on a Sunday that I feel for you I was there a few years ago, let's get into it. What hell am I actually talking about? Sunday scaries, Sunday blues, it's basically that oh my god that feel like you realize you see no it's maybe three, four o'clock in the afternoon or Sunday. You know, maybe you've looked at the clock, but you're just sitting down on the couch relaxing, having like a coffee reading a book. Maybe you maybe like me playing some video games. You look at the clock, you're like, fuck, and roll hits, you're just kind of floods, right? It's like, Yep, I have to go back to all the shit that I was trying to ignore this weekend back on Monday. And it starts going like a spiral, right? Like, you're like, Oh, I'm going I've got this meeting, then we got to talk about this. And you know, this is happening. Like, all your brain just starts telling you what's happening. You might even be dreaming about work on your weekend and thinking of like tasks. Sometimes, like I've dreamt of Excel spreadsheets and code, like your brain is literally just going through all the tasks, everything you need to do. It's all popping up. It's like a to do list like a mini person is coming to you, Henry, great, we've got this meeting here, we've got this project do then you need to talk to this person, bla bla, you're like, FOC I'm gonna ruin my weekend. You start feeling really deflated. You're like, Fuck, I hate this. So so much. Now, I don't doubt a lot of you go and just quickly, like, distract yourself. Maybe you vent to your partner about it. You're like, Oh my God, I don't want to do Monday. It sucks. Maybe you're searching for things online, to just, you know, kind of get that I want to say camaraderie. Like, you know, everyone else is going through the same boat. This is the thing, whatever the biggest problem with everyone is confirming the story. Everyone's like, Yeah, it sucks. And you know, it just it is what it is or like, and then maybe there's some cool tools and trips. A lot of it is like no, just, here's, here's the one that my clients, including myself got in my whole life. Just let it go. Stop stressing, do something fun. Go for a walk. I swear to God, if I heard that one more fucking time a few years ago, I was about to lose my shit because it wasn't fucking working. A lot of you are doing the thing, right? You're doing the thing. You're making, you know, intention to do something fun and enjoy it and yet while you are trying to enjoy the thing on the Sunday, you are in the background, secretly freaking out and do not know what to do. The reason this doesn't work. Is because you're not Solving the root problem, and 23 Michels a little more direct because I'm telling you like this especially it's I really sick of the shitty solutions that are given to people who are sick, you know, feeling scared on a Sunday thinking, oh my god, I have so much to do, you know, Monday is just going to be so hard, like, I can't do this. And the advice given is just do something, you know, do something different, do something fun, maybe you just need a longer holiday, whatever. The problem that is an external solution. And I feel like when people give that solution as well to you, it makes them feel better. versus something that's an of course a person isn't being intentional, right? Like they're not intentionally trying to hurt you. They're just giving a suggestion, but I feel like this is what society kind of gives. It's like, yeah, just to worry about it. Just something fun, maybe like to just like, breathe or something. And it's like, these are not like fucking tangible solutions. I get really irate about this. Because when I found this shit, like life coaching, I was like, Oh, shit, this fucking helps. Why did no one tell me about this?



What you really need to be doing to alleviate Sunday scaries is go fucking inward. Okay? If you're new, listen, hear me up. You need to deal with all the shit that you are thinking inside your head. About work, you need to deal with the root problem of your anxiety. For example, if you are so worried about Monday, because planning or let's say you've got a project do you have to do like a big presentation. And you know, you don't like the people, you're scared of the skate haulers, stakeholders or something like that. It's something that's really worrying you, you need to deal with all the thoughts, everything you're thinking about that you need to also deal with how you are feeling. You need to deal with your body's physical responses, the heart palpitations, the absolute dread you have on a Sunday afternoon, you need to manage that. And no one has very likely told you how to do that effectively. So that when it does happen in the moment, you can process it, move on and enjoy your Sunday. And then what you will do over time is you will start to trust yourself, your body will no it will have a freakout about a thing, but you will continually prove over and over again to yourself that it's okay. I can handle it. Regardless of what it is. It takes time. And I'm going to go through it. Okay, so the first thing you need to do and want to tell you want to give you exactly how to get over Sunday scaries in the fucking moment right now. Okay, so you feeling dread, you're worrying? Whatever is so much, let's focus on how you're feeling. And I'm going to show you how to process that effectively or get rid of this negative emotion in your body. It will take practice and this will take time, you will not feel 100% Better, but you will feel a little bit better. And a little bit better is still better than feeling you know, if if even if you feel like 20% better. It's better than you know. It's better feeling 80% Shit than 100% Shit. And over time you keep doing this, you keep practicing this, you will get a whole heap better over time. When you feel dread. Instead of going to your partner to event instead of suddenly switching to a new task and being like I need to do something fun so quickly. Oh my God, I want you to close your eyes. And notice all the physical sensations in your body that you are feeling. Some of you are like what the fuck no. Do it. Okay? This is a little trick, especially if you're new. I'm going to tell you this right now. And please just if anything, take this away this learning away. When you are stressed the problem is we talk to ourselves like we do another another person like logically like you know that work isn't going to kill you and you can very likely manage it. But there is a deep part of you. That doesn't. That's your stress response. It doesn't like it literally is just a fright and your stress response is there to look out for danger and you're thinking about all the danger right now you're thinking about it and it's getting triggered. It's getting clicked on. And so I say this all the time. This is such a big miscommunication between the thinking part of our brain and the stress response part. It just keeps getting triggered and for some of you depending on your seriously depending on trauma that you've grown up with, depending on even like epigenetics, I'm talking about, like family generations back, your stress response might just click on a little bit faster, a little bit more a little bit stronger than other people and that's okay. The way you talk to it isn't through like looking in the mirror and being like am I Good I can handle it oh shit like that. It's literally by noticing or feeling the feelings. You hear this all the time in coaching world, like feel the feelings. What is that? Feeling the feelings all that is, is being silent, like you can think. But what I mean is like you focus your attention on every physical sensation in your body right now that anxiety is manifesting as a physical sensation is that tightness, a lump in your throat? Is that tightness in your chest? Is that sweating palms? And I just want you to mentally go down through your body and note that what is that doing? Because a lot of people will like that as the weirdest, like, why would I want to do that one? Why would I want to experience that? And two, how did I get me to calm down? Think of it as the only way to communicate with your stress response. Because if you're like me, you're very, you're pretty analytical, you're logical. And like I speak to myself, I used to be like, it's okay, I can handle this blah, blah, it didn't work, it didn't calm me down, because I don't believe it. And that's not me, I still kept pushing all the emotions away, you're doing the same, you need to let them come up. Think of it this way, whatever you feel the heart palpitations or the sweaty palms. And if you want to do that, and you're struggling, like the best way to do it is just to close your eyes. And just like, imagine feeling it in your body. When I say imagine I mean, my, when I close my eyes and do it. I'm literally like, I'm looking at my chest. And I'm like feeling the tightness. Like I'm really being aware of it like I'm noticing it. That is you giving a stress response a hug. Seriously, that is the only way to communicate with it. That is think of it as a person knocking on the door telling you that something bad is happening. And what you're doing when you're saying it's like, you know, it's fine, it's good enough I can handle it. Or when you're going to do a different task completely, is you're just you're either ignoring it completely. You're ignoring or knocking on the door, or you're shouting to it and being like yeah, it's okay. Don't worry, you're cool. And it's like no, like, the stress response is like, No, you're not fucking listening to me, something's going to kill us. Seriously, it literally thinks that if you want more info, check out the first three episodes of my podcast like gives you more detail into that, but literally thinks like, it's like, like it's primed to just look out for anything stressful, anything stressful, you think is stressful, it is going to interpret it and it is going to be switched on. And for some of you more like more switched on than others. So the only way to communicate to it is by doing exactly what I said nursing feeling it? What does that equate to? It equates to you opening the door of your house and saying, Hey, I hear you. And it's talking to you. Like if it had been like, oh my god, I'm so stressed. And as though and you're just like, Yeah, I hear you. Oh my God, come on in. Like, talk to me what's going on, and it starts to calm down. It just wants you to listen to it. Now, a problem with our society and what we've been learning is, don't do that. Don't process the emotion. Don't answer the door. Go binge on Netflix, go scroll tick tock for hours on ends and buffer away from the emotion. And if you've been a longtime listener, you know what happens? You know my metaphor about emotional diarrhea. You keep buffering you keep ignoring it builds up the knocking at the door gets so strong so fucking strong until it bursts into your house and is in your face. And it's like a Why are you not listening to me we should be stressed. And then you have a fucking panic attack. Then you have wake up in the morning with heart palpitations and you're like, got diarrhea and like you're vomiting. That is your when you don't talk to your body. When you don't feel your feelings when you don't answer the fucking front door of your stress response. That is what happens. It will keep building up. And for a lot of you I do not doubt that what happens is you all of a sudden, something tipped you over the edge. Whether it's a project like something failed, something happens. And you have this ridiculous physical response and you're like it came out of nowhere. And when I talk to my clients and we go through everything I'm like, it didn't come out of nowhere you were just ignoring it for so fucking long. And you have been trained to repress everything for so long. That it just explodes. Wouldn't you love to be able to get this like way earlier? This is how you do it. This is one of the key things I focus on my clients one on one, we go in way deeper around really feeling it really getting those negative emotions like I train you to get those negative emotions fucking out the door. It takes practice it takes time. But there are different methods and strategies to kind of work with you and then your brain starts to trust you over Time, then when you do feel stressed or you get Sunday scaries it's so much more milder. Like, I'm on holidays.



Works popped in maybe like a little bit like, there's a little voice in my head, like, Oh, you're gonna go back and do that. And I'm like, Yeah, we do, we do have to go back and do that. That's okay. And I've just felt whatever, like, you know, maybe there's a little small, faded, like lump in my throat. And it's kind of like the stressful ones. It's kind of like, it's kind of like looking at me from across the road and say, you got this right. And I'm like, looking at it. I've come out the front door, and I'm like, Hey, you stress response? I got you. We got this girl. I hear you. But it's like, okay, cool. And it's just going back into its own house. Like, it is so much more milder because it can trust me now. Like, it trusts me to listen to it that I wouldn't say no, it doesn't have to come to my house or come out the front fucking door. And I'm like, Hey, you, I got you. We're all good. And it's like, okay, cool. I didn't like mellows down. But I have done a ton of practice. I've learned a ton of things that I share with my clients and on this podcast as well. To build that resilience, build that trust, because it's not going to happen straight away. But you will 100% do this today, are you listening to this at three o'clock on a Sunday afternoon, your time and do it today, do it straight after this podcast, do what I'm saying. And see how you feel afterwards, see how much better you feel it may not be 50%. And even if you feel you go from 100% to 80%, that's still better, at still a whole lot like oh, okay, and then over time, you just keep practicing that you keep getting better. Now, the second thing you need to do feeling this and feeling the feeling stuff is really fucking important. Okay, it is so important. And is one thing that you need to do. The second thing you need to do is you really need to work on what is triggering your stress response. What is triggering the stress response to come to the front door? It's what you are thinking, do you need to tackle those thoughts? You need to look at those. Now some of you are like, well, it's, you know, it's, it's, I can't help it. It's my job, etc. Okay, let's go with that. It's true. It's your job, right? But you have thoughts about your job, right? That is triggering it. If our brains and bodies are just like meat, bags, and eyes and ears or whatever processing things, even our brain, I'm going to include our brain here as well. Because here's the thing, when you think of something like Oh my god, I'm so stressed about work. That is something that you have thought of in your brain, and then the rest of your body like it again, my early episodes go into some of the psychology and different parts of your brain that actually get triggered. They start flipping gears, they'll fuck shit, like, oh my god, alright, we need to get stressed about this, like you're putting yourself into a heightened state. So you need to start dealing with those. You need to start, like doing on Sunday afternoons, when this happens, you know, feel your feelings, do all that and then do a thought download. And once you just just start writing, or I've started typing guys, I have started typing or my thought downloads or my models for my longtime listeners, all of that. And it's so contrary to what I have been taught in coaching, like a lot of people are like, you have to write it down. And yes, there is a ton of research around writing and stuff like that. I type I code, that's my job. That's what I do. I am and guess what my brain is going like what I found for for anyone, I'm telling you this in case you're a person like me who's like, oh, no, I gotta write it down. If you can't keep up with your how fast your brain is going, typing might work for you give it a fucking go. I've started doing that. And I have had so much more success and just getting really quickly to root thoughts because I can match how fast my brain is going. So give that a go. You can do a thought download on a computer. So now I have a little word doc. It's just filled with a ton of stuff. And it's great. So try that bright if writing works for you do that to basically go to town, write it all out or type it all out. What are you thinking? And it's gonna be a mess. So she's gonna be a mess and a ton of crappy thoughts and that's okay, then what I need you to do is take maybe one or two key thoughts, just one that is really revealing like for you could be like, Monday is going to be so hot Monday like that could be the one that's really making you feel that emotion. And write out why you think Monday is going to be so hot. And just keep answering that question get super curious about that thought. Like if someone, like pretend to pay a psychologist to yourself, like you're in the chair, you know, if you've ever been to like therapy, typically you're both sitting on chairs and stuff. And then another person is like paper and notes is writing, maybe writing some stuff down like you're inquiring about it. Or you can sometimes Another tip I like to use, as you imagine, it's a friend saying that, and you're just getting really curious about that question. You're like, oh, so why are you worried about Monday? Ah, start asking why. And why is that a problem? Keep doing that. Like, seriously, not enough, you, some of you are messaging me, like, Oh, I'm doing this, blah, blah. And I'm like, You got to keep going. You gotta keep going until you find a thought that clicks, it will take time, and it takes practice. But what we're doing is underneath of this, Monday is going to suck is a surface level thought. If you keep asking why, and why is that a problem, what you get to is what I call a root thought, that is the thought that is causing all the shit that is a thought that you're probably thinking subconsciously, you're not even noticing. And it's very likely to do with something like I can't cope, I'm not good enough. And what happens is work and the expectations you set on yourself, etc. is triggering that sense that why you do this is you realize, that's what you need to work on. And this is a funny thing, when I get clients, when they come to me, they're like, I want to love my job again. And I, you know, I take them through like their six month like customized plan. They're a little shocked. They're like, oh, like we'll be working on like, these types of areas. Like the literally I'm like, Yeah, you need to stop believing that you're good enough, like, Huh? Like, really? I'm like, Yes. Like, the stuff that you need to work on to love your job is sitting completely outside it. It's not necessarily some of it is, you know, altered, you know, I teach you how to pull like a workplace boundary, etc, stuff like that. But how do you consistently keep putting it workplace boundary. And even when you have a manager that isn't super flexible? How do you do that and feel super confident, you got to work on these deep root thoughts on believing that you are good enough on separating your value from your job like you aren't, you aren't valuable because of your job title, you're just valuable because you exist, you're you being good enough and valuable is not attributed to something external, which so many of my clients is even corporate woman doing, you need to do that work is actually separate from some of the surface level stuff. Because when you do that deep work of like believing that you're good enough, and you can handle shit, all the other stuff comes out just so naturally, being able to put workplace boundaries in clocking off on time, you know, not even thinking about work on a Sunday anymore, because it doesn't worry you because you know, you can handle it. Because you know that anything that pops up, you're going to be able to manage it, you don't give a shit. If stakeholders are going to be like, Cranky at you and stuff like that, you're not going to take it personally anymore. Therefore, all those worries in the Sunday scaries get alleviated. And I want to tell you this right now, because for some of you, because I saw this, like when I was doing the research for this episode, sir, any other option that was given is like just leave, you know, find a new job, like I found new job, and I feel great. That sometimes works. If ask yourself this, have you been changing jobs? And it keeps happening? Like multiple drops? does this keep happening? Do you fall into the same pattern, because I guarantee you, it's not the fucking job. It is you it is you and how you're thinking? It is very likely that you have workplace trauma. And what's happening is you likely do go to a better environment. And when I say better environment, yeah, there are just some workplaces and circumstances that are just easier for our brains to manage. Like, if you have a flexible boss and stuff like that, of course, it's easier for us to manage, and you know, feel more comfortable, etc. But if it keeps happening at every place you go, I guarantee you what's happening is your brain is preemptively thinking shits gonna happen, this is gonna happen, I'm gonna act like this, blah, blah, some small little thing happened, maybe get some feedback or something like that. And your brain just is like, like the stress response flares up. And it's like, Oh, my God. And then you're like, Oh, my God, I need I need to change and switch. If that keeps happening telling you now it is not the job. It is you. That might be a little harsh for some of you right now. Because I know I heard this few years ago and someone told me that I'd be like, Well fuck you presser and telling me this.



I say this because this was me a few years ago, and I used to I genuinely thought it was a job and I looking back I realized, oh, wait, I had a lot of thoughts and trauma that I didn't deal with in the moment. And my brain was just sitting my brain kept thinking, this other environment is going to be the same and I want to protect myself. And I'm going to do all these things that kept getting me into the same loop. overworking people pleasing taking on too much all this shit like jealousy, all this crap was coming up thinking it's you know, this is worth this will protect me and it just got me into the same burnout cycle. So maybe it's a Sunday when you're listening to this or any time of day whatever, go do what I say, see what happens, then have a think about if you really want to continue this for the next I don't know 30 Some of you 40 years. Seriously, do you want to keep doing this for the next 15,000 Sundays just did the math now there are like 53 Sundays in a year, times up by 30 That's 15,000 days, it's 1000s of hours that you're just wasting that you could be present really enjoying time with your kids that hike with your partner. Really just lapping up like and really enjoying the time that you have spent worrying. Why would you fucking live that way if there was a solution, a key solution to bridge the gap between is complete dread and overwhelm to really being present enjoying like never feeling scared again. Loving like actually being I'm not kidding, actually being like, you can get to a point where you're excited about going back to work. You're like, Oh, yes, it's gonna be fun. This is gonna be nice. I seriously, I've had my clients do that. So the time is now especially being January still 2023 to bridge the gap for yourself this year. That starts with you booking in a one on one discovery call with me. I'm really excited guys, I really want to show you what your plan is going to look like booking a call, it's in the shownotes or check me out on Instagram. I want to tell you all about it. I want to see if we're a good fit. And I'm just so excited when I get a new client. And I say and like when I start with them. I'm going to start with you. We start putting the work together. It's like little puzzle pieces. And I'm not doing the puzzle for you. I'm showing you and I'm guiding you and you are putting the puzzle together for yourself and it's so beautiful to see the winds that you start to make and the growth and how you were just loving like your job like the 360 that you do is amazing. So book in a call. I want to chat with you. Alright, see you next week guys