In today's episode I am going to tell you how to what to do when you don't feel like you're a good fit for your corporate job and want to leave all together
Get on the waitlist here for my Epic Work & Life Program.
A 6 month transformational program for high achieving corporate women like YOU that wants to ENJOY going after their big career goals AND have an even more fantastic life.
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Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/podcast
In today's episode I am going to tell you how to what to do when you don't feel like you're a good fit for your corporate job and want to leave all together
Get on the waitlist here for my Epic Work & Life Program.
A 6 month transformational program for high achieving corporate women like YOU that wants to ENJOY going after their big career goals AND have an even more fantastic life.
Sign up to my mailing list for free workbooks to help you love your job again!
Follow me on:
Instagram
TikTok
Facebook
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/podcast
00:00
Hello, everyone, I hope you're well. And if not, I got you at least you're here. My name is Michelle Kevill. And I help high achieving corporate women feel passionate about their job again, I hope you are doing super well, I know I am, I am so excited for some of the things I am creating for you. And I have been slowing down. And I'm really happy about it. And it's been a little bit of a challenge, because I go at 1,000% all the time sometimes. And sometimes I still need to remind myself of my whole like, not just with work, but my business and my personal life. And, you know, my dogs and everything. And it has just been so fulfilling to be able to slow down and build some really like new amazing things, which I'll be announcing quite soon. I'm very excited. And it's really like life is so full. I feel so weirdly judgy when I say that to myself, because I like many years ago, like people who would say stuff like that and be like, How are you so happy right now. And I'm just feeling like, I'm really living my best life right now, like the time is now. And even though there are many challenges, whether it's with my help, my corporate job, including like, what I'm doing my business, I am just learning how to enjoy them.
01:19
And that is why I also do what I do. Because, you know, it's we live too short of life at the end of the day, to just be kind of all doom and gloom. And I'm here to show you how you can enjoy the ride and the journey. And this is a topic I really wanted to talk about from a person who has been a follower for a while. And I've been chatting with them. And they said these words to me, they were like, Michelle, I just don't fit corporate, I'm just not suited for corporate, I'm not for it. And that and again, as as as you know, I'm still always working out the title of this one, something along the lines of when you're sitting down, you're thinking I'm just not a good fit for corporate, I am not a corporate girly, I'm not that person. That is what I want to dive into today, I want to dive into how that thought is so self isolating, and it just creates more evidence that you are the fit for corporate, also where this has really come from, and what it actually really does relate to and how your brain is kind of almost using it as an excuse, which by the way is completely normal. It's not you, our brains will always do this, it will kind of sometimes distract us and use something internal like it's you like, actually, you know, it'll either something external, like it's this, you know, person stakeholder or whatever. And it's sometimes our own drama in our heads. Or sometimes it'd be like you are the problem, you are not the right fit. That's why you should quit and stop this so I can escape this. I'm gonna go into this in all detail, I want to let you know that you are not alone. This is very common. It's also something that I used to deal with I used to struggle with and the audio for I think the past minute has gone very grainy, like when I raise my voice, it sounds terrible. And I am going to try fix it if not apologize, and it will be fixed moving forward. And I'm just going to have more of a consistent voice. So it's not that kind of grainy, high pitched I was listening back to it. I was like What on earth was that? For many years, I struggled and this is way before coaching, I'm gonna give you some coaching tips, obviously my own personal experience that how I've gotten through this, and also how I've shown other clients to get through this. But I used to really deeply feel like there was just something like, you know, chalk and cheese, like complete opposite. Why did I ever go into this, this was a bad idea. This was back, especially in my uni days as well, I used to have a part time job in HR whilst I was studying uni. And I just felt so out of whack. And there were like, you know, one off comments around how young I was, etc. Because I was at that time the youngest employee in the company there. And it was like a small company. And I remember thinking like, No, this is like, way out of my league, I just didn't feel like my personality or who I was was matching what corporate was supposed to be. And there was a whole ton of thoughts that come from society, thoughts that relate to you and your ability. And of course, at the end of the day, we all want to belong. And our brains are really just trying to protect ourselves, and they wants you to feel safe. And if it doesn't think it's safe, which I will go into more detail in a second. It is going to at times that I have seen. It'll kind of be like you are right for this you need to move on. And this doesn't have to happen when you're just you know, young or starting like your corporate job or even if you're not young and you've just done a career change. This what I'm seeing seems to just happen for Every one at some point, when, again, either they've started or they're making a shift or a big career change. And it's just this moment of like, Am I doing the right thing? So I'm gonna go into it in more detail. If this is you right now, please know that you are so not alone is not you. This is very common. And I'm going to teach you on this episode, how to deal with this exactly. Okay, before I get into it, I do want to let you know that I have a one on one six month coaching program. I help people like you who want to go after big goals and their corporate career, like getting that promotion, you are high achieving, but you also do not want to be burning out in the process, you do not want to be completely overwhelmed. And also give up your social life, hence the epic American Life program. I've done it for myself, I help my clients do it for them as well check out my website, there's a ton of testimonials on there and some video testimonials. But also, if there's a something you're interested in, get in on my waitlist as I will be opening up some spots in May, we have a no pressure call to see if this is a good fit for you, I'll tell you about the program. And at the end, you get to make a decision that works for you. So link in the show notes for that. But let's talk about today's topic. Okay. So, again, really common, something I've seen a lot in and what I think has happened is this one, there is a little bit of societal conditioning or thinking about what a corporate job is, right. And I take a little bit of this stuff from like corporate America, and also like the 2010s kind of girl boss thing. But what I'm thinking of is back in almost like, um, some people say the 50s, I like to say more than 90 years, right, I'm thinking of the 90s 2000s. You know, I'm talking like, the suits, the really formal, the, I don't know, all literally the show, you could say something like suits or something like that. But it's very corporate, very formal, there's like no room for personality, it's just all work, etc. And it's very like to the point. And when I say all work, what I mean is it's all a bout the work as in there is no room for human emotions, or what you're going through or feeling etc, it is just purely about the job. And what I have seen over the past, like 20 years is a complete shift and evolution, mainly because more, you know, younger generations are coming in. But also this realization that to have a really, you know, Healthy Employee that's like, you know, working for the company, you do need to take into account that they have a life and they have thoughts and feelings and we don't turn up to work as robots, we turn to when we're turning up to work, we are turning up to work with the fact that our you know, kid took a while to get ready and meet us late and that our car broke down and that out, you know, pet is sick, there's a whole heap of you know, nuances that come up as well. So if you are comparing yourself to this kind of state of what corporate is, you're always going to find evidence for it. Because a lot of the clients that I work with, and specifically as person that I was chatting with, is they just felt like they were too emotional for the job, that they were reacting to what was happening that they were like, again, going to the bathroom to cry, and which is why I literally built a whole workbook around this, it's free as well, you can get it on my website, the secret to stop crying in the bathroom between meetings, because it is something that is really common, and crying. Typically our work is typically seen and not met with, obviously it depends on the person. But the stereotype of what I hear is like it's a bad thing. There's something wrong with you. It's like, too much emotion, etc. And what I say to that is really like crying is purely just a body's way to get rid of cortisol. Right? And what I have observed over time, is there a shame around having what I'm going to classify as more feminine emotions, but not necessarily more masculine emotions. That's not to say that crying is more feminine and anger is I actually don't agree with that. I think that's what we've but if we talk about how we've kind of classified it on a societal level, right? reason I say that is because anger I would say is much more acceptable in the workplace and someone crying, right, hence my own distinct thing, but the difference between like, masculine and feminine feminine in this example. And what I say to that is that is not helpful. And society and also work culture has shifted around that it really has. Now every company, of course, is going to be a little bit different. But you're also going to be met with people, managers, stakeholders, employees, whatever, who are going to have to have their own perspective on all of that, right. The biggest thing that you want to be dealing with right now is your shame around these emotions because the shame that you have is the reason why you don't feel like you fit corporate because you are comparing yourself to everyone else. You're saying oh well this person is showing up this way, etc, not realizing that they're very likely doing The same thing as you, I have an episode around how we're all wearing like masks to work, and really on the inside that we are dying. And what I see a lot of the time is people compare themselves to someone else. And 99% of the time, they are going through the same shit as you is actually happened a few years ago to me, where me and his colleague, like we just thought, oh my god, we both thought that we were like, absolute stars, but at the times is when I was going through, like, so much emotional, and like mental kind of drama was coming up in my life, there was a pandemic, my grandfather was dying of cancer, just my own, just the job was stretching myself as well. And we were both, they were going through their own things as well. And we both thought, oh my god, we're showing up to work. So calm and collected, but actually, we were like dying on the inside. So when you already have an idea of what you believe corporate is, and you have almost like this expectation, or standard, or whatever you
10:59
want to call it, that you are comparing yourself to, that is just not going to help because when you are kind of believing that you should be acting this way. And you are dismissing parts of yourself, which actually, I would say, is the reason that like you should be in corporate, I feel like people who are really in tune with their emotions make fantastic people managers, and you are like, this is what you see as a weakness is actually your biggest strength and you were completely dismissing it, the only issue is you just don't know how to harness it yet, right, you don't have the tools and the tricks. That's reason why I created the program to help manage this in a really healthy way and actually use it as your best strength at work. On top of that, the brain needs to feel like it is part of an elite group and has a sense of belonging. Reason being is way back in the caveman days, when we were not fitting in when we were not belonging, it literally meant death. So this is where I see a ton of issues around isolation and fear of like getting, like cost out from the like group at work and can also stop you from making really critical important port Am I got important decisions that are going to help boost you getting that next promotion, because if there is a fear of what other people are thinking or worry that you already don't fit in, and you're gonna make it worse on yourself, you may not be leaning into either opportunities or things that are just going to get you noticed. And that is really, really important. And you do actually want to be setting yourself apart and showing like your capability and what you can do for the company. And it's this part of your brain that wants to feel safe, right? You know, you're right, you're thinking brain, when you say when I say that to some people like but I am safe. I'm like, you know that but there is a deeper part of you stress response, the limbic system in a child, whatever you want to call it, right? That part of you? Doesn't that part of you has had many experiences where it has been isolated, and we are naturally wired to want to fit in, I would say it's the opposite. You want to stand out? Of course, you want to stand out in a way, yes, this stuff around how to, you know, match the culture and like managing corporate politics and stuff like that, of course, but you need to do this level of inner work, I would say fleshing out these types of fears, so that you can do that properly. Okay, so you're comparing yourself to some external expectation of what a corporate person looks like. On top of that, you have this need widen your brain to belong? Why do you continue to potentially do this, even though maybe at a surface level, you already know this? Why is the option you're just not the right fit, and you need to move on? Again, it's your brains way of trying to protect yourself from future isolation, you could say, of a future rejection. So it's trying to convince you. And here's the problem, and you are thinking and believing that you are not fit for corporate, you are just not the right style, you will always find evidence for it, you can find evidence for any point. And you can find evidence for any thought that your brain is giving you and your brain it's like if I say to you, there are so many red cars on the road, all of a sudden, you'll start to notice red cars on the road, because I've just given that to you and is aware of it and it's in your head and your brain is not looking out for it. Just saying with this, which is why I say the shift you need to make which we'll work through some stuff, which we'll go into in a second. But you need to be shifting to how am I a good fit for corporate? How is my uniqueness? Why I am a good fit for corporate Can you imagine if every company hired the same type of personality and person all the time. We just know from so many studies that that just does not productive and you need a really good mix of people in your team. So all these things in your head that you're seeing as faults again, I say this all the time and this is like the bit one of my biggest takeaways is every weakness that you have is awesome. So a strength, you cannot have strengths without weaknesses and vice versa. So over you were thinking, for example, this person was talking to me was saying that they're just, you know, a too bubbly, they have too many emotions overflowing, etc, I'm like, Yeah, you're gonna make an really empathetic people leader, and you're gonna be really caring, and you're going to bring that energy to and like really empower a team, you just don't know at this point in time, how to regulate them in a way that you feel comfortable with, that you're not like biting your tongue in the middle of like a meeting room, like trying to like hold back how you're feeling. And what a lot of the time I see is deep down underneath this, there are thoughts around your capability. And if you're good enough, and that's really where it's all coming from, this is where I am saying, it's usually just a surface level thought of like, you're not a good fit, you are feeling really isolated. And then it comes down to your ability, not just to, like, I guess you could say mesh with everyone else. But also, if you're not, if you're used to getting external validation for, you're doing a good job, and you're fitting in, etc. And for whatever reason, maybe you're not receiving that or at the same level, then you're going to look for evidence as to why this is potentially dangerous, as in, I'm getting dangerous is in your brain is like rejection is bad here. And it's going to be like, see you're not a good fit. So this is another thing that I see can lead down to your capability and ability as well. So the main way to get through this is I want you to list out all the reasons as to why you're not a good fit for corporate why you suck, right? Then I want you to flip it. And I want you to be like so if one of them is I get too emotional, and I care too much about people I cry, whatever it is, I just want you to flip that. Why is that also a good thing? Because I will hone this in time and time again, all your weaknesses are also your strengths, you cannot be strong in one area. Without being I guess you could say quote unquote, weak in another area. Okay. And you need to start bringing up more evidence as to why your uniqueness is a good fit for corporate why corporate or the corporate world. You need to be valuing yourself, like you do for someone else, right? If someone was feeling like if someone asked how you thinking to yourself right now, you know, saying you're not a good fit, etc. Like, what would you say, if this was a friend? Or if this was someone else? Who'd be like, no, and then you'd list all the reasons to why they're amazing to work with and really, really good fit? Why can't you do that for yourself? It's another question to ask yourself, why can't you give that same level of self compassion, now 9% of the time, it's because you don't want to let your guard down because there is part of your brain that is too scared to do that. Because for fear of like rejection, which again, it's like big danger for the brain. And secondly, if there are thoughts you need to work through like you know, not believing you're good enough and stuff like that. Sometimes it can come up with a list of reasons. That's kind of separate like you not believing have capability your brains don't like and see, your personality just doesn't fit the corporate world. So list out the reasons you know, good for corporate, and then why you are good for corporate again, tension in turn a weakness into a strength. So you just even can start to find evidence of that every day right out why you are good for corporate even if you don't half believe it just gives you a little bit your brain some evidence, and then treat yourself as if you were your own best friend. What would you say? Now it sounds crazy, but like your brain does need to hear that. Okay? It will be it doesn't know the difference between what's real and what's fake. Actually, when you're thinking things and imagining things in your head. It actually doesn't know the difference. So it's important to feed it some good stuff from time to time. Anyway, that's all that I have for today. And I will see you next week. Bye. Bye.