Today I am discussing how to stop using coaching against yourself.
In this episode I discuss how:
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/belief
Today I am discussing how to stop using coaching against yourself.
In this episode I discuss how:
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/belief
[00:00:00] Hello, everyone, I hope you are well, and if not, at least you are here, I have got you. All right. I am so excited for this episode as I think it ties in really well with some of the New Year's stuff and goal setting I was talking about before. So I'm going to get straight to the point because I have been seeing this with so many of my clients and even like my friends as well. And I've been thoroughly through this and I've got a whole heap of metaphors that have helped me get out of this. And I'm here to help you. Ok, you believing way too fucking hard. And really, that's that's what this episode is about. So what I mean by this is a lot of you are wondering why the thoughts aren't working. You're practicing these thoughts really hard. You're doing models and thought downloads, and it's just not working. You're seeing everyone else being able to do it. You're seeing the amazing lives that they're living and the improvements that may have made. And you're looking at that and you're thinking, Well, I can't do this. I'm not getting the same results. This sucks. I'm just going to I'm just going to bury myself in this hole here. No, you're not. You're doing everything perfectly. Trust me, I've been through the exact same thing. So this happened recently for me with my business, and I was just practicing all these thoughts, and I just wasn't seeing any results, and I was comparing myself to everyone else and I was looking at their journey and I was like, Well, it's working for them and not me.
[00:01:46] There must be some fault with me. Firstly, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. We read all these beautiful, positive journeys of people's work through coaching and how it's working so well for them and what they've created. And that does not help you when you're on your own journey, and it doesn't mean that they don't have mind drama about something else. What happens is we take one. What I see write a posts similar to mine of what a person has achieved within a year. Right. And we just read that up front at face value. Then we're like, Oh, but I've done this and it's not working and that person is getting this blah blah blah. And I'm like, Are you? You're comparing two completely separate people with two different journeys, and you're not giving yourself credit for all the work and achievement that you have made. You just looking to the other side saying, I want to be over there with a grass is greener. And I guarantee you a year ago you were saying the same thing. I want to be over there with the grass is greener. And guess what? You're there right fucking now, and you're doing the same thing now if you're a follower of, say, Brooke Castillo or Stacey Boehman.
[00:03:07] What they see, what they say all the time is, you know, your belief is like solid and you believe that thought when you can get the results. And how, you know, the belief isn't set is when you're not getting the results, I would use that and punish the fuck out of myself. I'd be like, Well, I don't have the results, so that must mean that I don't believe and I must suck. And then you question, Well, am I doing enough? Because obviously I'm not, and I don't believe enough and I'm not getting the results and you go into this massive spiral. I love them. I absolutely like, by the way, no hate on them. Absolutely love what they're doing. I think it's fabulous. But what I am starting to see in the community is almost like this idolization and comparison. We are taking their results, their experience and being like, Oh my God, they're saying this like, we OK. We're using thought work and the model to punish ourselves. We're like, Well, we take it almost as Bible. Like, Well, like what I would do right is I'd be like, Well, I don't have the results yet. So like, I mustn't believe it's like, what the fuck that? It's so mean? How is that helpful at all? And it's so interesting, too, because here's a little trick that I didn't realize, right? What did you used to do before? Thought work right? What did you use to punish and berate yourself before you have this? What are you looking at? Because now you're just doing it with Thought Work just comparing instead of, you know, comparing yourself to someone else for being, I don't know, rich, whatever.
[00:04:52] Now you're doing it. You're comparing your ability. To others like, oh, they've achieved those results. They must be able to work on their belief and their thoughts so much better than me. And it's like, what? It's it's the same shit your brains just like, Hmm, I'll just do Thought Work instead, and you'll never know. And you believe it as a real circumstance. But it's the same. It's the same bad habits. And I noticed that sometimes I see this shift into thought work. But because it's so like it's positive, it's empowering. It's almost like we just we don't see it. So just notice when you're judging yourself on like thought work and comparing your abilities results to others as well, because that is the same bad habit that you were probably doing before with something else. It's just just got a different mask on now through my experience. This is what made beliefs and all of this click for me, and I view it completely different and have absolutely no judgment anymore. A belief or a thought isn't something that you just plug into a computer and you run the code a couple of times and you believe 110 percent.
[00:06:11] What you're doing or what I was doing was it was almost like I was going shopping and I saw this amazing dress made by Brooke Costillo and I tried to fit into it and I was upset when it didn't fit me. That's because the dress wasn't made for me. It was made for Brooke. The dress will never fit me because you need to learn how to tailor. In other words, you need to learn how to believe. Let me say that again, you're not shit at thought work, you're learning a skill on how to believe you're tailoring a thought, a custom thought for yourself, which you will tweak and change over time. Belief. Learning how to believe. Learning how to put in a thought. So you can get that result. Is exactly the same as learning how to become a tailor. But what you're doing is you're comparing yourself a tailor who is literally just started to a fuckin fashion designer who has been doing this for like decades and can make like, I don't know, Versace custom dress with all these trimmings and you're like, Oh, I can't do it. It's not working. I'm like, You've just started learning how to do this. And maybe a Versace dress isn't even your style.
[00:07:46] My style of dress is 1950's Review dresses, and as you're working on that belief, as you're working towards, you know, practicing it, et cetera. Sometimes if we compare this to a dress, it's a little bit loose, right? Like you've created a dress, but it's like, OK, it's it's still a bit loose. Still doesn't feel just right. And as you learn more things and really start to work on the dress, you get better at making the dress. And maybe eventually you're going to like costume design. I know this sounds weird, but this is literally the metaphor that got me over the line to having no mental drama around not having results yet when I practice a thought. Because belief is just a dress that you are learning how to create and make at your own pace and in your own style. It takes time for you to believe thoughts. It also takes time for you to learn how to believe thoughts, i.e. how to be a tailor, how to create really custom nice dresses that fit you instantly. And the key word here is you. You are your own individual with your own experience, neural networks, et cetera. You can't be comparing your progress to someone else's also. That doesn't mean a person is better than you just because they were able to, I don't know, get those results right? Like, everyone has their own differences in abilities like what you're working on might be like your Versace dress, but maybe it's the the tablecloth.
[00:09:31] Not to put that in a mean way. What I'm saying is we all have different areas that are more challenging for us to do the work in. But we're going there being like, Oh, it was so easy for that person. I'm like, Yeah, that person's got other thoughts that are really, really challenging. That's their, I don't know, Versace dress. Their goal thought that they want to achieve. It's just in a completely different area. That's all. Now I do agree that, yes, how you can prove you truly believe a thought is the results you get. But what I see is people use that against themselves, judge themselves, and it's just a ball and chain dragging them down versus I'm hitting my results at my own pace, in my own time and at my own style. I am working to believe this thought and I'm working to believe it ahead of time in my own fucking way. When I accepted that I kid you not within one and a half months, I got fully booked as a coach. And it's because I wasn't judging how I was making the dress. I wasn't pressuring my pressuring myself to do it quickly or a certain way, or it's going to be like Brookes way, and it's going to be this style of dress. I was relaxed.
[00:10:48] And you know what happens when you're relaxed? Your pre-frontal cortex can turn on and it can figure shit out. I let myself go, No, I'm going to create the fucking 1950's Review dress, and I'm going to work on that in my own bloody way. And I touched on this a bit, but I hear so much around believing ahead of time, even if we don't have the results we want. Like, we just believe in ourselves anyway. The problem is, coaches talk about this so easily and remember, they're millionaires. Well, at least the ones that I'm listening to. They have been doing this for decades. Believing in yourself with no evidence ahead of time is literally against, like human nature. It is hardwired into us because it kept us going for survival. So guess what? It takes practice. It's normal to not believe in yourself ahead of time. So at the start, we're just working with like 10 percent belief that we could do it. It is also OK to have those eventually get those results, then believe. Then use that as evidence as, oh, wait, maybe I can believe ahead of time, because that's what I was working on before, and then I ended up getting those results eventually. It took me a few times off kind of working to believe, you know, ahead of time, then ending up getting the results to be like, Oh, if I believe ahead of time, like it does eventually happen.
[00:12:23] You go to, yeah, that's allowed. You're allowed to prove that to yourself. When you have some evidence of that, then that just reinforces the belief that I can believe ahead of time. So you're not doing it wrong, you're doing it fine. And I feel like this is a journey for everyone. I even went through this myself. It's like the journey of getting to a point where you're absolutely fed up, then you almost pull away. Or I'd say, you know, you're not pressuring yourself. And then all of a sudden you just things start working. You start to get all these results because you're letting yourself learn how to craft the dress, how to become a tailor, how like you're learning how to fucking believe. That's what you're doing. That shit takes time. So biggest piece of advice is stop comparing yourself to others. They're going through their own journey. They're creating their own style of dress. Ok? Or whatever you want, pants, whatever, they're creating their own stuff. All right. You are working at your own pace. You are going to learn how to be a tailor, how to create the custom dress you want that suits you because you are an individual with your own thoughts, experiences, et cetera. Ok. Allow yourself to learn that. Give yourself self the space to do that. Pressuring yourself, comparing yourself to others is just going to drag you down.
[00:13:54] So you're not doing it wrong. You just putting too much pressure on yourself. Give yourself some space, let yourself learn how to believe it is a skill. And if you want help doing this on my this is at the moment one of my favorite things to do because I have given this metaphor to a couple of my clients and they've been like, like what? And when this when I did this for myself, like it clicked and so many amazing things like happened for me, like I got fully booked. It was it was great. It was just like, I'm getting it now. Like, I'm just and I have no pressure on myself anymore. When it comes to new thoughts, I'm just like, I'm going to let this be fucking easy. I'm going to let myself learn how to do this. I don't know new stitching. Like if we're going with the metaphor of the dress here, I'm just let myself learn how to do it at my own goddamn pace. And I want to show you that you can do that for yourself. You are, and you're allowed to do that for yourself. There's no fucking race for this stuff. Ok. Let yourself learn, and if you want help. Reach out to me because I can show you how to do that. Ok, everyone. All the best. Take care. Take that pressure off yourself. See you.