Today I am discussing how to stop rushing past the good amazing things in your life and actually enjoy them !
In this episode I discuss how:
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/thegood
Today I am discussing how to stop rushing past the good amazing things in your life and actually enjoy them !
In this episode I discuss how:
Show notes and the transcript can be found here: https://michellekevill.com/thegood
[00:00:00] Hello, everyone, I hope you are well, and if not, I got you, at least you are here. Welcome everybody. So before I get into today's episode, I wanted to let you in on a couple of new ways that I'm doing things today. So usually I spend a whole heap of time kind of writing up my episodes and then, you know, recording them and then doing all that work. So look, as part, I really wanted to share this with you, especially if you're like in starting your own business or just trying something new. What I realized towards the end of last year with my coach is that I'm kind of turning this into what used to be my corporate job. What I mean by that is I'm making this really hard. I'm setting myself arbitrary rules on how I should do things. And what I started to notice last year was when I pulled away a little bit, and I guess you could say relaxed for my business. That's when a whole heap of people were reaching out to me and wanting to work with me and like commenting on the podcast and like my posts and I started to realize that it was an energy thing. And I started to notice how I was, like almost purposefully making this just really hard for myself. And one thing I would, you know, find really challenging was recording like these episodes, like in my head, I'm like, Oh, I have to ride it.
[00:01:31] The biggest thing for me was like riding it up. It's like in my head. And then I just thought the other day, Well, why don't you just just record the episode? And my friend would freak out. It was like, we got to that. We need a full. It's like, Well, we can ride a light format. So I got some points here of like the structure of the episode. But basically, I'm letting you know this because I'm doing this like raw. I've got a small structure. I've got like six dot points and we're going into it. We're just we're just recording episode like, we're going to see what happens like, I don't know, maybe you like it. Maybe you weren't like, we're just going to see what happens. And that is something that that's actually part of my monthly goal is to really listen to my body. So when shit's hitting the fan and my brain is, you know, I start to see that pattern where it's like, OK, we need to do these things. But part of me is like, No, I want to relax a little bit more. I'm giving in to that relaxation, and I'm really starting to create a business that works for me and that it's like how it was in the very beginning. Like, I was really excited about it, really energetic. And I just it's just interesting how, like my brain is like, this is how you run a business.
[00:02:41] It's like corporate blah blah blah. And it's kind of secretly come in. And my coach has brought this up with me before. But now it was after a few sessions I started to realize I was like, Oh, I totally see can really see it clear as day what I'm doing and how some of these negative thoughts of kind of worn like a different mask like, Oh, we're trying to help you. It's like, No, no, no, I know what you're doing. But yeah, I wanted to let you in on that. That's what I'm doing. And let's let's get into it. Let's see how this goes, right? So the topic of today's episode is to stop rushing past the good. Maybe I've changed title by then, but you know, we'll see. It's basically about that. What I am starting to notice with a lot of my clients, including myself and very likely you is that you are just like when a good things happens. Sorry, when a good thing happens in your life, say you achieve a goal, you get that promotion, you get that house like you buy that new car, you are in it for a little bit. And then all of a sudden it changes and you move on to the next thing and you're all negative again. And as a coach who's been doing this for like almost over two years now. I start to appreciate more of the good, wholesome things that do happen.
[00:04:03] But what I am saying so constantly is almost just like almost complete ignorance or on like it's almost like you don't know that you've just completely forgotten about that really cool thing that happened. You're just like, Nope, didn't happen. I'll give you an example, and I talk about this really early on in my podcast. I objectively knew like my prefrontal cortex knew, like me and my partner had achieved a really big goal. So in Sydney, Australia, it's like probably other parts of the world. It's really it's really challenging to to buy a house here. It's like very, very expensive. We'd been saving for years and the market had dropped and we thought it was a perfect time and we were really lucky, like we did work, et cetera. As in like, you know, we worked with like a buyer's agent, for example, like we just wanted to like just get a house and get this sorted and we go to house. We bought a house and I was so, so happy. And I noticed the week that we moved in. I was so elated. I was like, Yes, we've made it. Finally, my brain started saying to me it was like, Yeah, but you don't own it yet, so it's not really an achievement. And I was like, what? Seriously. Are you kidding me? We're doing this now. This is a goal that I thought like a once I achieved it, I would, you know, all my problems would be solved, but also I really wanted to just to sit with it and enjoy it and be like, happy and like, really excited.
[00:05:42] I wanted to continue that and really kind of envelop myself and like, really give myself a big pat on the back. But I just my brain was just moving on to the next thing. It was rushing past the good. What's the next thing we need to focus on? It's the same with when I got a new job and like, you know, I'm earning a bit more money. It's the same thing. It's like a little bit of excitement. And then very quickly, my brain is picking up all this stuff like, well, actually be really cool if you were a senior manager or this is shit and this sucks and yada yada, yada yada yada. And what I've also seen as well is there are even like small, good things that were happening in my life that I was just completely dismissing. I was just like, like my brain was just completely looking through it, not even observing it. I'll give you actually an example with some clients, some clients that have absolutely amazing drawings and they draw these beautiful pictures. And the way they say it to be just so casually like, Oh yeah, like I can draw or like here's a photo. Like, sorry, I sorry, he's a drawing, which to me looks like a photo.
[00:06:52] That's how good it is. And it's like, Wow, like, that's amazing that you have the skill to draw because like I used to in kindergarten, draw my like I used, you know, kindergarten and then they draw OK. I used to draw like these stick figures, but with flower hands, so the fingers would look like flowers. And I've kind of just stuck with that. So when I see someone else like do something like what I think is, like, really amazing and there almost they know it's a good thing, but it's almost like a dismiss it because their brain wants to focus so much on the negative. It's like, No, no, no, no, no, don't focus on all these cool, good, amazing qualities and attributes about yourself. Let's focus on how negative your brain is right now, because what I'm also saying and this is to anyone out there, anyone out there in their life where they're feeling stuck, or they should have done something else because this relates as well. I've seen this with I keep saying this like all the time with my clients, YOLO wanted to swap places. What I mean by that is I have clients who like big managers working for corporate jobs and they're like, Oh, I should have gone and like, done my passion of, like, I don't know, acting or dancing or something like that. I would have been happier. And then I've got my other group of people who will like artists and writers and like performers, and they're like, No, I should have gone the traditional way.
[00:08:20] I should have done this, and then I would have been happy. And I tell you the same thing. You're looking across the fence to another person and you're thinking the grass is greener. And I'm fucking telling you right now it's not because in either scenario you would be unhappy because everything is determined by our thoughts. So why is this occurring? Why do you so badly want to like not want to, but you're focusing on the negative? Why can you not just embrace the good? Why are you feeling all this? Just almost anxiety, but almost you get to a point where you're sitting there and you're just like, I just want to be fucking happy, just just like a little bit longer than like a couple, you know? And now it was good for me. You know, I just want to be content with where I'm at and stop almost like clawing up a fucking ladder. I just want to stop because the energy that it takes away from you, I get it. It's so much. I was there. I do get it. There is a reason you will like this. Firstly, biology humans have a negative bias, and it kept us alive. I'm guarantee you right now the positive humans back when we lived in tribes and, you know, like mammoths or around it, the positive humans that will like, you know, I don't think that killer a tiger is going to be there at the river again.
[00:09:52] It should be OK. I'm going to go down there and just check it out. You know, I'm really positive that it's not going to be there. They fucking died. They died, whereas the human that was like, Oh, there was a tiger making this up, Barry over there got eaten. There's no way we're going back to that river. Nope, no way. We are staying in the cave. We are going to go to a different river we'll go survey, blah blah blah blah blah that humans survived that negative pattern, that wiring that survived and that got passed on hun. And here we are today in the 21st century. And I say this all the time. Human brains are not adapted for the 21st century. We are still in survival mode, and we don't need that part of the brain necessarily anymore, like we don't need it when we're working our, you know, usual nine to five and we go to present something to our boss. You need the prefrontal cortex more. So please do not do. And look, it's okay. If you do, I'm not shaming you. Put up with the shame. Cherry on top. What with what humans love to do is they shame themselves for doing this and should be more positive. They're happy. Like, I should be happy. It's fine. You're human.
[00:11:13] Don't add more shame shaming yourself for acting a certain way. It's just the cherry on top. It's just like the negative. I don't know if there's like a negative evil person inside you. It's like, I let me add le pièce de résistance. You will judge yourself like, that's what it is. It's it's fine. You're a human. It's OK, you have a negative bias. The second part, once you understand that is you need to look at yourself and be like, OK, why am I rushing so much past the good? Why don't I want to stay here? Because I could be a couple of reasons for it. For me, it was perfectionism and this constant almost like, if I'm happy that I'm not safe, that's what I'd learnt. You need to keep working. You need to keep driving. That's what worked in at least my family dynamic. We were all like my whole family, a high achievers and constantly aiming for the best doing the best like. That's what was the type of work ethic that was ingrained in me. And then it was almost like, I just need to keep working. I need to keep doing it. I need to keep, you know, keep moving forward like you can't. You can't just sit here and like, be OK and just enjoy it and be happy. It's not safe. And another reason could be, you assume, similar to what I was saying is you assumed it was going to make you feel better and it does for a little bit, but it hasn't like nothing's magically changed.
[00:12:46] You still have the same negative thoughts about yourself. So it's like, OK, maybe if we do this thing, we move up, then that'll make it feel better. Ultimately, a really easy way to understand like why you can't sit with the good is to literally ask yourself why and just keep questioning yourself what is coming out for you? Do that thought download and they're some of the thoughts that you want to work on and you really want to challenge and put into a model. See how you feel. What actions do you take from that? Were you doing what I was doing, which was moving on to the next thing and running? And, you know, just just recreating the same cycle and focusing on what you didn't have? Another thing that's really interesting that is occurring to me now is I was kind of addicted to that cycle. It sounds weird, but it is more interesting negativity for our brains is a little bit more interesting than, I guess you can say, calm and like like calm goodness, if that makes sense. It felt I had developed a habit and it felt normal to almost be like, yeah, I did it, feel happy, and then to suddenly judge criticized myself and we need to focus so much energy and attention on the new thing. That's all this negative energy. That's all this also all this distraction from all this other bullshit thoughts that I have and emotions that I'm dealing with.
[00:14:07] Let's deal with this. Let's do this. It feels safe. It feels natural. So are you addicted to this potential cycle? So what I started to notice as well. Now how do we get out of this cycle? Because if you're listening to this, maybe you just want to start to enjoy where you're fucking at right now, because I see so many of you who want to, don't get me wrong, you're allowed to have big dreams like I want to my new goal for next like or not next year end of this year is to like, make 100K like, let's do it, let's let's try all these new things. It's like working like, have fun. Let's experiment like that is totally allowed. But if you're trying to run to that part to that end goal because you think it's going to be better than where you are now, you're going to constantly be running people like I want to feel at a point in my life where I feel settled and, you know, happy and content, and you do that by accepting the life and where you're at right now. And I know that's a little challenging to get your head around. But when you stop running, when you stop wanting to be in that other person's garden that looks super super green over there and you accept your own garden for what it is right now and all the beauty in it.
[00:15:38] That's when you're going to start enjoying yourself, being really happy when these awesome, you know, when you do make these awesome achievements and really, really relish in it just like you would as a friend. Like, it's so interesting, I say with like my friends as well, like, we'll get excited and stuff like that, but it's almost like your friend will almost be more excited about the cool achievement than that you've done versus yourself. Like, you're happy about it, but they are just like, Oh my God, like, this is amazing. I'm so happy for you. Like, be happy for yourself how you would a best friend. And how do we do that? Yeah. You know, the whole thing that I always say, it's always challenging your thoughts, et cetera. But literally it is actually practice. What I mean by that is I want you to embrace the good when it does happen, and I want you to ask yourself, how are things already perfect right now? How are things already good enough and great right now? This isn't some kind of lame exercise that we try to fake it and try to be like, I am grateful for a b c d e give your brain a task to come up with some ideas and to start to to work and think about it and feed this new neural pathway that we're building.
[00:16:51] And secondly, when the good stuff does happen, I want you to sit with it a little bit longer. I don't want you to rush past it like you do. I want you to sit with it. And that might feel really uncomfortable, especially if there's a lot of shame around being, like, really proud about what we've done as well. Especially if you're being socialized as a woman, sometimes being really proud and excited about something, it's like, No, we should be like, you know, like, what's the word like mild? And I'm forgetting the word here modest. I had to do a Google search. I found it modest about themselves not saying it. You do it in a show off-y way. You can just do it with yourself. Like, really celebrate after yourself how you would a friend when you get that promotion at, treat yourself, how you would a friend like, you know, have a fucking week long celebration, like just have a party in your head? Seriously, just like, Yes, I did it. This is amazing. I am amazing. Celebrate yourself as if it was like your child or your best friend. I really see that good and good in yourself and like what you can do and achieve and all those beautiful qualities in you. When you start to do more of that, you are strengthening a new neural pathway and then you start to see more of the amazing qualities you have, what you can create in the world.
[00:18:12] And then from there you can create like more good. It's just more growth. From there, you can create a fulfilling life from that place versus from a place of, Oh my god, no, I need to do this so I can feel better and I'm not good enough, et cetera. It is like you can. Technically, you can still do it from both, but it's a much nicer experience and I think you get more growth when you're doing it and you're treating yourself really nicely. And actually a lot of my stuff, what's helped me is actually just looking at like how you can even write down, how do you treat yourself when like a cool thing such as a promotion, et cetera comes in? Versus how do you treat your friend and what are you thinking about your friend? So I kid you not. I have one friend who works like, I have three best friends, like I've known them since kindergarten, but like one of them works for like social justice and policy and like. The thoughts I have about her is just like fucking superstar going out there, just like making changes like the energy and the love and like the care I feel for her is just insane because I'm just like, You're going out there and you know, you're changing the government. Like, Yes, how amazing could it be if you had that for yourself, if you were your own cheerleader, just like you were your friend? To do that takes time, and it takes practice, and eventually you get to a point where, like me, I like, OK, the other day I was making pancakes with my partner and we just finished like corporate jobs, you know, so as in the evening, I had some coaching calls.
[00:19:57] My partner was there playing with the dog just in the kitchen, like dancing with him. And it just I just felt this rush of happiness and I was like, Fuck, yeah, this is my life. I'm so happy right now. Everything is perfect. That took like good solid two years coaching hard stuff to get to that point. And that's not to say I don't have bad days, but it does like you start to see more instances in your life where you feel fulfilled. And I want that for you. I want you to be able to do that. So go away. Try this stuff. Start to see the good in yourself and embrace it. And if you want help with this work, I want you to reach out for me. I want you to reach out to me. Let's set up a consult poll. Let's see if we're a good fit. Let's see how I can help you. All right. Thank you for bearing with me in this episode. A trial. New things in my business to do it my way, especially the no script on this one. So I will see you next week. Bye.