Boundaries Broken (Part 1): Workplace Grooming – 10 Red Flags You Can’t Ignore

Workplace grooming is subtle—until it’s not.

You’re taught to believe you’ll spot the red flags. But what if the real danger hides in compliments, connection, or “mentorship”? In this episode, we walk through 10 early signs of grooming in the workplace—especially the kind that happens under the radar.

In this episode: 

• What grooming actually looks like at work 
• The #1 trait that makes women more likely to be targeted 
• Why smart, high-achieving women often miss the signs 
• What to look for in the early phases

This is Part 1 of the Boundaries Broken series, created for women navigating power imbalance, manipulation, and trauma in professional environments.

🛠️ Download the free Spot Workplace Grooming (Free Guide + Checklist) here.

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⚠️ Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or psychological advice. Any stories, examples, or scenarios discussed are illustrative and may be composites or anonymised accounts. They do not refer to any specific individual, client, workplace, or organisation.

Transcript

Michelle Kevill: 0:37

Hello, my corporate survivalists. How are we? So if you are new here, my name is Michelle, and I help high achieving corporate women feel passionate about their job again. Welcome back, my friends. So I hope you listen to my little welcome message and a little bit about the new podcast as it explains all the new changes, but as always, you're still gonna get the same Michelle. Now, if you have read the title for this one, you might be like, Michelle, when you said corporate survival, I didn't actually think you meant literally surviving at work. So this is actually a new three part mini series called boundaries broken, the impact of workplace grooming and how to rebuild. So I'm gonna have three episodes coming out where I'll be talking about grooming within the workplace, specifically what it is personality traits that are commonly associated and empowering, steps you can take if someone or yourself is ever faced in this situation. Okay, so why am I doing this? Basically, I've created this series to highlight some patterns that have commonly been reported in various professional environments, where power dynamics and mentorship is involved, but these dynamics start to subtly and escalate into manipulation or inappropriate behavior over time. So the content I've put together is something that just isn't talked about enough, and it's based on recurring themes shared and reported by many women within the workplace, and its aim is to help you recognize the early warning signs and respond with more clarity and confidence. So disclaimer, all examples here are general and composite in nature. They do not reflect any specific person, organization or real life event. This podcast, and this episode is for educational purposes only. It's not a substitute for legal, psychological or medical advice. This series exists to educate and empower you. Okay, let's get into it. So by the end of this episode, you should be able to understand and identify commonly reported signs of workplace grooming, including the very subtle ones we'll also be going through. What is the most common misconception about grooming? 10 key signs to look out for, three of which are, I would say, the most important ones. And we're going to touch on the cycle of grooming and possible abuse within the workplace and what it can look like. I've also put together a free worksheet to help you identify potential signs of what workplace grooming can look like so it's designed to give you the exact clarity you need and confidence to actually navigate these situations with your power intact. So to grab it, head to my show notes, my website, email list is on Instagram. It's everywhere. There's a link. Go download it. And trust me, this is something that I believe every corporate woman needs to know, and it needs to be talked about, including some of the more subtle dynamics. Okay, let's get into it more. So what is workplace grooming? Well, to put very simply, it's a gradual process of boundary testing and manipulation by someone, usually in a position of power, which could lead to inappropriate behavior, harmful dynamics and possibly some form of abuse. This is why it's called grooming, because it's a gradual process where a person could be preparing you to accept and overlook these really harmful behaviors. So here is the most like, the most common misconception I hear about workplace grooming, and it's a reason why it does not get picked up, and that is grooming can only happen to children, and that is complete BS, grooming can happen to literally anyone, and all you need to do is look at some psychological experiments that have happened over history, such as the Stanford Prison Experiment or the Milgram experiment. Okay, so high level the Milgram experiment was conducted in the 1960s by Stanley Milgram, and it was a test to observe obedience to authority. So participants were told they were in this learning experiment, and they were instructed to administer electric shocks to another person who was actually an actor on the other side of a wall that they couldn't see. And every time they answered incorrectly, they would get a shock. However, these electric shocks would increase in intensity, and these actually, oh my God, and these actors were faking how painful it was. Now the participants who were involved in pressing the buttons, they were starting to get really distressed at the other person who was like, getting upset, showing that they were like, you know, getting shocked. They were showing real concern. However. There was this authority figure, an experimenter in a lab coat, who kept saying, No, it's fine continue. And you would think that these people would stand up and say, No, I'm going to stop. Well, guess what? 65% of these participants were obeying the order at the absolute highest voltage, possibly believing that they were causing various serious harm to someone else, and it has been noted in the literature to be like one of the more non ethical psychological experiments that were done at the time. What it revealed is how often people will comply with authority, even against their own morals, or even when their gut instinct says otherwise, something that we also see in situations where inappropriate behavior can evolve over time. Share this experiment to highlight that basically everyday people will override their own instincts under authority, and that is exactly why grooming can happen to anyone, even the strongest or the smartest. Now I do want to caveat this is this episode is not to scare you. This does not mean that every person in an authority figure or power is out there trying to manipulate you. This episode and this series is to help women embrace their gut feeling. There's one thing that pops up in the literature on grooming and, oh my god, manipulation and from women's lived experiences, is a common theme, and that is a deep gut feeling that something wasn't quite right, even though they couldn't initially pinpoint as to why. And that is why, in hindsight, these behaviors usually become more clear. So the examples I'll just be discussing today, they do focus primarily on common patterns involving a male authority figure of some sort. But again, these dynamics, they can occur between any gender. So please take from the discussion what resonates most with your own experiences and observations. Okay, so here are the top 10 signs of inappropriate behavior and aspects of grooming, and the first one is around authority. So this is when someone leverages their seniority or authority to subtly influence or manipulate others. So it is possible that they could present as a trusted mentor, advisor or even a manager, though, over time, they could gradually test personal boundaries. And this develops slowly, and that's why it makes it very difficult to identify again. This does not mean all people in power are engaging in these behaviors. However, this was actually a common theme amongst reported workplace grooming, and it involved leveraging or hiding behind their status. Okay, so the second side is that they can be extremely charismatic and charming. These people can be very confident, well spoken. They can make friends with basically anyone off the street. They are real social chameleons, and they know very well how to read people. They typically have a very good reputation, which can create an illusion of safety and cause you to therefore second guess your instincts or dismiss those subtle warning signs, especially if professional boundaries or inappropriate behavior starts to slowly arise. Okay. Now, the third sign seen in manipulative workplace dynamics is something called mirroring. This is when someone will subtly reflect your personality traits and values to create what is actually a false sense of connection. Now listen, all of us, to a certain extent, actually do mirror because look, we do want to fit in. So we might subconsciously mirror other people's mannerisms and expressions, but if it is being used as a tool of manipulation. The idea is that they want to build trust quickly to make you feel uniquely understood. Now it's pretty easy, I would say, to spot some overt examples like this. Like if someone just starts to develop exact same interests and likes as you versus everyone else, that can be a bit obvious. However, if someone is going to be more tactful, what they will actually do is they will match these or mirror you very subtly over a period of time. You just think this is part of a natural conversation, and they this person just has to have happen to have similar interests to you. Now I do not recommend you do this, but there is one way to determine if a person is truly, truly mirroring you, and that is to actually give them a false interest that you can then test over time. So like you could say, for example, that you like knitting, I just say that because I hate knitting, and then they start bringing it up personally. Now look, I. Actually, honestly, do not recommend doing this, and I will talk in the next episode more about this, because I do not recommend you play with fire, but this is what you should do instead. What I would say is notice how this person is acting in bigger groups with various different personalities. Do they change? Do their core values and beliefs change? Are they more hidden away with certain people? How are they acting when various like diverse personalities are kind of put together? Are their core values and who they are? As I would say, a person is that still popping up when you're observing them basically in different settings. Are you realizing that they are adopting almost an entirely different persona to align themselves with someone else's values and interests? Oh, look, this can be chattelling, because the personality shifts can be quite subtle, so it can be like easy to overlook. However, I really would be observing these people in various different settings. Are they constantly changing their approach, speech, humor? Kind of their essence so to speak based off who they are around, because it could be a sign that they are trying to intentionally shape interactions to build trust and influence. You want more info on this, I would strongly recommend downloading the worksheet, but also head to my Tiktok, as I will eventually be having some more little tidbits that I can't be this episode will be massively long otherwise, Okay, the next or fourth sign is something that I've termed as corporate love bombing. Yes, I think you know where we might be going with this. You've probably heard of love bombing before in relationships, but have you heard of it in corporate so what it actually looks like instead is very excessive use of praise, flattery and special attention. Again, this is to create emotional dependence, gain trust and influence and look at a glance, this can actually look like genuine mentorship or strong leadership. The problem is, when it is part of a pattern, it can actually be used as a method of control, disguised as support. However, again, the examples I want to talk about, and they are detailed in the worksheet, they're more subtle examples, because a more tactful way to do it is when this is done slowly and over time. So for example, they could say something like, Hey, great work. I've seen senior executives struggle with what you did. You're a natural talent. I'm so lucky to have like, have you like this excessive and inflated praise will actually also start quite early on, possibly as soon as you've met them, possibly to almost like normalize this, and they may also start to give you special opportunities again, under the guise of their authority or mentorship, like high profile projects, leadership, tag chats. Another big one is also like over the top compliments in front of other people. So public flattery just making a big deal about the work that you're doing. And look at first, the attention does feel amazing. It's very validating. Who would not want to be recognized for their work. But this is where it gets tricky. If the praise in your gut, listen, listen, this whole episode really is just about trusting your gut if the praise seems disproportionate to your contributions, or if the level of attention makes you feel a little bit indebted to them, it is really worth taking a step back to assess This, because genuine leadership builds confidence. Corporate love bombing builds dependency. Other challenge with this is, and I'll actually go into this in the second episode, but what a groomer will typically target is someone with a little bit of insecurity. So hearing some of these things are very validating. But again, what I would say is trust your gut. Think through all those examples, even write them down, just so you can get a little bit of an understanding of am I being love bombs in corporate. Okay, so the next sign to also look out for. The fifth sign, is called isolation tactics. So what they do is they could position themselves as your main source of support, whilst quietly undermining the relationship of others, where you will end up becoming more dependent on them and then less likely to seek out the perspectives of others or support. So an example of what this could look like is, you know, maybe it's a comment like, just be careful of who you trust. Some people are really envious of you. Now, statements like this can feel protective, but notice, who do they say this about? Is there a pattern or a type of person or personality? That they use this phrase for. Can they also give you a detailed example and reason as to why you should avoid this person, not just because they're envious or they're rude, what is a really good reason? Because these types of comments could actually be targeting people who would otherwise be your allies, such as, for example, other confident women. So the isolation will usually be framed as helpful advice or feedback. So therefore it is hard as a spot, but what it really does is it could be trying to discourage you from speaking out openly, including how the environment you're in may actually be affecting you. Okay, now the sixth sign is something I refer to as inappropriate, gradual touching. So look in a workplace context, this can show up as someone introducing physical contact in small and seemingly innocent ways under the guise of usually just being like friendly or casual. The risk here is that it can slowly be used to desensitize you to touch where, in, say, a different context or from a stranger, it would absolutely feel off. This kind of behavior is being used to possibly test your boundaries. So over time, the person may be gaging your response, especially if you tend to freeze or fawn in uncomfortable situations, which, again, I'm going to deep dive into that more in the next episode. Because here's the thing, reactions vary. If a stranger randomly grabbed you on the street, you possibly would have a stronger fight or flight response. But if someone you know or work with introduces touch gradually, especially under the pretense of like friendliness, your brain could actually get a little bit confused and you might freeze instead of reacting. So here's, like, a general example. Maybe you're at work, you just got a normal shirt on, and someone brushes it while saying, oh, that's like, a really nice texture, just a passing comment. Maybe in your gut, you feel a little bit uneasy, but then you notice them doing the same thing with other people. Maybe they've complimented someone else's shirt or their jacket while lightly touching the fabric and chatting around. Here's the thing, this kind of repetition makes it seem socially acceptable, and then you start to question your own instincts, like, Oh no, no, I'm just being overly sensitive. They're doing it with other people, and if you do raise it, it can be brushed off easily, because, again, the behavior is subtle and framed as harmless. But listen, your gut feeling is valid. These moments, they are worth noticing, especially when they start to form a pattern, because if grooming is occurring, the desensitization will make it harder for you to identify when the touching has crossed a line, such as possible physical or sexual misconduct that you may not even be able to recognize due to the harmful dynamic occurring. So the seventh sign is something called boundary testing. This is where someone gradually pushes emotional or professional limits to see what you will tolerate. That is a theme that you will see to this whole episode, and also looking at how you'll respond. So look, it's rarely obvious. It is subtle, calculated. It's often disguised as like banter, advice or emotional openness. But here's what they're actually doing. They're probing you. They could be watching your reactions and adjusting their behavior accordingly, because if you speak up, for example, something that has made you uncomfortable, they may deflect over, apologize, or worse, turn it back on you, like, Oh, I didn't realize that you weren't friendly. Or no one else has a problem with it. This is just my personality, who I am. It can be framed in a way that makes you feel like you're a difficult one, and that's what makes it so slippery but effective. This is what has often been reported as part of grooming behavior, because the goal isn't just to cross boundaries, to learn where is your line at, and to test whether you'll hold them and chip away at your confidence and your boundaries over time. So within this, I'm going to give you four common forms of boundary testing that are commonly paid out in corporate environments. So one is jokes that are actually veiled as insults. They start off really small, they'll just seem like normal, you know, banter and jokes maybe about your age, personality. Etc, but they will escalate over time and in public to be passed off as a joke. But here's the thing, if you flip the joke and that other person cannot take it back with the same energy, so same type of joke, same level. So as a general example, they could respond with, well, wait till your bonus time comes around. Or from the flip side, they might say to you, you're becoming too sensitive. And look, not all banter is bad. I'm Australian. We love a bit of back and forth. But I would say, as an Aussie, it's only healthy. And I would say it's like an unwritten rule when it is going both ways and it is the same energy, and if anyone is getting like, offended or hurt, you're openly talking about it and being like, hey, that was hurtful for these reasons, and that other person was like, hey, my bad. Let's go on from there. If they are flipping it and reversing it or using like, subtle comments that you have to read into to figure out that they're actually hurt again, something to be aware of. The next one is what I call back handed mentorship. So this is when advice or feedback comes wrapped in a compliment that is actually a subtle put down. And this, I like, it's literally taken from there was that book called the game, and they talked about this for like, how to get women like you, build them up and then tear them down a little bit. So for example, like a corporate example, could be, hey, you remind me of myself when I was inexperienced. Like it sounds supportive, but what they could actually be doing is positioning themselves, like above you and planting doubt. You know, when I was inexperienced, because the tactic is to play on the power dynamic, especially if they are in a mentorship or leadership role, because again, like the Mildred Milgrom experiment, people are more likely to ignore red flags when the person doing it is holding a level of authority, and that's exactly what boundary testing relies on your self doubt and their perceived credibility. So the next one is something called pity parties. It's another form of emotional boundary testing when they play the victim to gain your sympathy, and they often do this repeatedly. So for example, you may hear something like, I do so much no one is appreciating me. You know, it's hard being the only one who cares. This isn't vulnerability, especially it is if this guys, if this is a consistent pattern you are seeing with everything else, it is a tactic. They could be testing how much emotional labor you're going to provide, and the more you step in to support and comfort them, the more they learn they can rely on you for ego soothing, and then the dynamic could become unbalanced quite quickly. The next one is something called bait and gaslight. This is when they could provoke a reaction and then flip it back onto you. It might look something like this, like here is another example. Maybe you ask a clarifying question in response to something like, Hey, was this actual feedback or a comment? And they could respond with something like, Well, if you need things spelled out that directly, maybe you're not ready for these senior roles yet. Or they could interrupt you in a meeting and speak over the top of you. You raise it, and it's like, Hey, you relax. You're overreacting. If you push back, the narrative could become, I only that acted that way because you stressed me out. This isn't just poor communication. It's designed to make you question your perception, to keep you off balance and put blame on you. Now you might be thinking, Michelle, like this, no, this is way too obvious. What you're talking about like, surely this isn't going unnoticed, right? And that is where one of, I would say, probably the second most important sign as part of all of this. Oh, that's right, I was telling you about three important sides, I would say boundary testing is one. This one that I'm talking about is a second. Boundary testing could not be possible without the most What is this? The eighth, ninth, whatever sign I'm up to here, blurred boundaries. So if you take one thing from this entire series, let it be this professional boundaries are your protection. If you are dealing with a person with manipulative intent, what they will often try to do, whether this is conscious or unconscious, is blur the lines between professional and personal. Why? Because the more confused you are about the nature of the relationship, the easier it is to push inappropriate behavior under the radar. They may start by sharing personal stories, maybe venting about their partner or home life again. Might start off really harmless at first, but then they start. Cross the line. They could also do other things, like ask for your personal mum number. They may send you inside jokes or memes outside work hours, your one on one meetings. Stop being about project updates, and they start becoming an emotional dumping ground. Maybe they frame it as a mentorship at first, but it slowly starts to shift into something else, more personal, more emotional, more broad. And because they're doing this with like they could be doing this with other people as well, it may start to seem normal, because you're thinking, well, this is just how they are. It's not just me, it's with other one, but like other people. But here's what you need to know, normalizing bird boundaries is actually a key grooming tactic, because the goal is to keep you guessing about what is appropriate and what is expected and what role you're meant to play. One day, you're the employee, but then the next, it feels like you're expected to be their confident or their therapist or their emotional support system, and if you try to raise it to things bring some clarity, you might get hit with something like you need to learn how to context switch translation is you need to read my mind and know when I want you to act like a professional and when I want a Personal Support entirely based on my needs. That is not leadership. That is a form of manipulation, and it is not how a healthy or professional relationship works. Now I want to be clear, this doesn't mean you can't have a real connection, a good banter, friendships at work or venting, etc. Of course you can, but it's about noticing when these boundaries are being crossed under the surface, especially when there are power dynamics involved. Again, embracing that gut feeling, you will know when these things are off, because these are the kinds of signs that so many women report being missed and look like I hate that I even have to do a three part series on how to protect people from this behavior that should never even happen in the first place. But this is like one of the reasons I even started my whole podcast no one else is talking about this, not like this, not breaking it down into the subtle, slippery stuff that is so easy to excuse until it's too late. And if you know me, you listen to my like, all the way back to my early episodes. I talk about all the mindset work that I have done to even get myself into a position where, like, I'm calm and comfortable at work now. Maybe you're listening to this right now and thinking, Oh, my god, is this me? Am I in this or maybe it's even years from now, and something clicks in and you realize, Oh, that wasn't right, that wasn't professional, like, either way, you're not wrong, you're not being overdramatic, and your boundaries are worth holding on to, all right, this is what I would say, is actually like, this is part of the big three. This is like the sign number nine. So the first, as part of my 10 signs, was one, boundary testing, like, you know, pushing your buttons. Second, blurring your boundaries. And the third, most important one that I'm leaving for last is the team or workplace culture. Now this one is sneaky, because it doesn't always show up as individual behavior. Sometimes it can just be like the vibe, like the culture created around you that makes inappropriate behavior feel normal or even acceptable. And this is especially noticeable when the person driving it is possibly a senior figure or a direct manager. And here is what is commonly reported, things become hyper casual, lines between professional and personal start to blur fast topics that are wildly inappropriate in many work settings, like sexual or racist jokes, misogynistic or homophobic Manta they start to really surface over time, but again, doesn't start off that way. Might begin with a reference to, maybe I don't know, some dark humor stand up clip from a comedy special or a very controversial influencer, but over time, it starts to escalate, and these things that are said casually, often in social, more social settings, such as a work lunch or drinks after work, places where pushing back, it can feel a little bit socially risky, and if you do speak up, you're often dismissed or laughed up. Laughed off, yeah, laughed off, told to lighten up. And this is actually especially tough in environments where toxic toxic masculinity. Is thriving, where men in particular are taught not to challenge the group for fear of like, rocking the boat. And another red flag that I want to point out that you might hear as part of this is things such as, like, you know, we're not like other teams, or we're like the absolute best team, and we're like a family. Now this might sound nice, but like, let's be real. Family dynamics are not always healthy. In some families, people avoid hard conversations, they protect problematic behavior, and they push things under the rug instead of addressing them, and that is the issue. So when a workplace team is starting to use some of this familiar language, but they're not upholding any accountability, boundaries or psychological safety. This can become the perfect environment for harmful behavior to be overlooked, excused or and even encouraged, and that's what makes it so dangerous, because when the group culture is making these things normal, it can become harder for you to recognize when something is off, let alone speak about it. So no, not everyone in these specific types of environments is a groomer, but the problem is, if they are, they are hiding behind the culture that they are creating, because it can give them a really great cover. It allows them to blur the lines, confuse boundaries and avoid consequences. So the safest thing you can do again, trust your gut. Oh, my God. Trust your God. Trust your gut. If your body is saying this feels off. I'm telling you right now it probably is, but the 10th sign is something I call a manufactured crisis. And I actually had came up with nine, but I needed, I needed a 10th one, and I thought this was actually quite important as well. It is very similar to a pity party, but with more pressure and often a lot more urgency. This is when someone is amplifying a work issue or personal stress to draw you in emotionally and create a sense of loyalty or obligation. Usually it begins once a professional boundaries like they've already been blurred, and maybe it started with like a mentorship style chat, but now they've moved more into venting, and then suddenly there's a crisis, a deadline, a conflict, a situation, and you are the only one they can trust to handle it. But if you take a step back and you review it, the issue isn't always as dramatic as it seems. Of course, Look, everyone experiences stress differently. That is valid, but when the emotional escalations start happening regularly and always involve you being the one to fix it. I would say that that is something to watch out for another example, as part of this is they could actually start calling you after hours. Maybe at first, it's just like a quick 20 minute chat, no big deal. But then it turns to 3040, or even 60 minutes, and it starts happening more often. Suddenly, your personal time after work isn't so personal anymore. Or they may even call you during the work day, but maybe you're already in a meeting or deep focus, but they haven't checked to see if you're free, and they've just immediately called. And the problem is, it's not positioned as urgent they just wanted to chat or vent. The problem is they may not just be reaching out. They could be testing. They could be observing whether you're going to drop everything for them and whether you're emotionally invested. Can they rely on you to meet their needs even when it's inconvenient for you, it's about creating emotional debt, where you feel like they depend on you and you in return, and you can start to feel responsible for their well being again. Let me say this clearly, any of these things on their own might seem harmless. You know, I late, and I call a bit of venting and urge a task to help you with but when it happens over and over again, you need to look for patterns over months or even years, it can start to become something more, like someone deliberately creating an environment where boundaries are fuzzy, emotional dependency is high, and your capacity to push back is eroded like I'm not saying everyone is trying to call harm, but I am saying this dynamic can be used as part of a larger pattern of manipulation, and in some cases, it's a part of a broader abuse cycle, which is exactly what I'm going to talk about next. Okay, I want to talk to you. I've talked to you about the signs, but I want to talk to you about how this fits in with an abuse cycle, because grooming in corporate settings isn't always about one off behaviors. It's following a pattern. And the first phase is what's called the idealization phase, or what you might also recognize as corporate love bombing. This is when you meet someone again, senior leader, mentor, peer, manager, whatever they seem like your biggest supporter. You're a star, the one to watch, a breath of fresh air. You feel seen, valued, aligned. They're mirroring your values. They talk the talk. It feels like you finally found someone who gets it. That trust builds fast, but then comes a devaluation. Stay phase. Once the connection is secure, the tone will start to shift. You might notice they become overly critical, but only about you. Small mistakes are blown out of proportion. Praise is withheld. Feedback becomes confusing and inconsistent. One moment you are too direct. The next, you should have spoken up, but there is no clear guidance on what they actually want. You start to question yourself, Am I doing this wrong? Was I too much? Is this not enough? And that is exactly the point. It's not about growth. It's about destabilizing your confidence and creating dependency. Because this pattern is not random, it's often a form of subtle punishment for stepping out of line, followed by, you guessed it, reconciliation. This is a soft reset. They may apologize vaguely, or pretend like nothing happened, or swing straight back into praise and warmth. You're back to being the golden child all over again. And this is where things can start to, in my personal opinion become dangerous, because this push or pull cycle going between idealization and devaluation is how something called a trauma bond forms. This isn't just emotional whiplash. It's actually a neurochemical loop. Your brain will start to crave the highs that come after the lows, the praise after the punishment, the validation after the confusion. And before you know it, you're hooked. You're trying to get back in their good graces, even within, oh my God, even when they are the ones causing you harm. You'll notice this pattern if a person is grooming you, because when it feels good, it's incredible, it's high energy, it's exciting, steeply validating. But when it's bad, it's anxiety inducing, it's crushing. It is absolutely destabilizing. And yeah, I know, like everything I'm saying right now sounds a lot like a very unhealthy, but also romanticized, romanticized, romanticized, romantic relationship. And that's actually because the emotional mechanics are very similar. It feels like the scene out of some sort of drama. The problem is, if you've actually grown up in environments like parental relationships, again, I'm gonna go into this in the next episode, this will actually feel very familiar. To almost feel like you're at home because you've grown up with this high and low this cortisol, to like dopamine, serotonin. However, there is possibly another stage that you can hit, and that is called the discard phase. This is where you become no longer useful to them. Maybe you've become too hard to control. Someone new has caught their attention, or they're just bored. And this stage can be brutal. You may experience gaslighting, sabotage, targeted efforts to damage your professional reputation. They may make you feel like they want you to resign. And here's the thing, you might not actually get to the discard phase for years, because the idealization, devaluation, reconciliation cycle that can go on for a very long time before anything changes. But why does this matter? The problem is the cycle erodes your self trust, your sense of power and your ability to recognize when something is no longer safe or professional, and in some cases, yes, this emotional manipulation can possibly set the stage for more serious harm, such as physical or sexual misconduct. When you've been groomed over time, you may not even register something as an assault because the lines have been so deliberately blurred and sadly, this kind of grooming often targets people who are very empathetic, conscientious and loyal, the kind of people who are the least likely to blame someone else and most likely to blame themselves. Let me say this loud and clear, sexual assault, any form of abuse is never your fault, no matter how it started, no matter how much you trusted them. You did not cause it, you did not invite it, and you did not create it. Okay? So if you listen just through, you might actually be thinking, oh my god, like, what type of person actually does this? And you're not alone? That is exactly what I'll be covering in the next episode. We'll be unpacking the psychology behind grooming, grooming behavior in the workplace. Again, it's not to demonize but it's to help you understand the dynamics, the manipulation, topic tactics, and why they can be so convincing. Because right now, you may feel like if you believe you're in this. Is a fly stuck in someone else's web, but the truth is, you're a hell of a lot more powerful than you think you are, and in the episode after that, I'm actually going to walk you through how to exactly get out of that web. I'll also be sharing what makes certain people more likely to be a target, not because there's anything wrong with you, but because of qualities that manipulators tend to seek out things like empathy, reliability, loyalty, the things that actually make you a super amazing, great colleague and worker, is sometimes the things that exactly get exploited. But here's the good news, all of this can be shifted with awareness boundaries and clarities. You can take your power back, and there is nothing like broken or wrong with you if you have ever ended up in a situation like this? I know this was a chunky episode, but we didn't need to go there. So here's what you've got now. You should know and understand what workplace brooming can look like, especially the subtle, everyday things that can happen. You know that it can happen to anyone. You know, age, role, background, it doesn't matter. We touched a little bit on the milgrain experiment, just so I could show you how power and obedience can cloud judgment. You've also learned the top 10 sites and the three biggest ones to keep an eye on are boundary testing, blurred boundaries and a toxic team culture. But also aware of the phases often abuse cycles, so idealization, devaluation, reconciliation, the discard phase, and possibly you might be starting to identify within yourself where you might be in this phase. And if you want even more examples, especially the really, really subtle ones, head to the show notes. My Instagram, online, whatever. Grab the free worksheet. It's full of phrases and behaviors that can be easy to miss, but are super common in grooming dynamics. Is so much more there. I just wasn't able to pack it into this episode. You might even read it and go, crap, like I've seen this before. Or you might even think, hey, like my friend is going through this and like you might feel the urge to send it to her. Please do the more women who see this, the more we all get our power back. All right, I'll see you in the next two episodes. Take care of yourself again. If you feel like you're in this, you're not crazy, you're not alone, and you're not powerless. I will see you soon.