Boundaries Broken (Part 3): Navigating Workplace Trauma and Power Abuse

What do you do after something happens at work that crosses a line—emotionally, psychologically, or physically?

When things go too far, it’s easy to doubt yourself, stay silent, or wonder if you’re overreacting. This episode isn’t here to give you one “right answer”—it’s here to help you rebuild trust in your own gut and decide what’s next on your terms.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through: 

• What not to do when you're in emotional shock
• What to do if you’re scared to report or unsure you’ll be believed
• How to honour your experience and take your next step with clarity
• Why your healing is valid

This episode is part three of my Boundaries Broken series. Whether something just happened or you're still carrying the weight of a past workplace trauma—this is your reminder: you're not alone.

💻 If you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure what to do next, I'm here for you. You can find FAQs, more information, and book a free Empowerment Call here

If you need support, here are some helpful resources: 

• 1800RESPECT (National sexual assault, domestic and family violence service): 1800 737 732
• Sign up to your workplace union for legal and advocacy support

🛠️ Download the free Spot Workplace Grooming (Free Guide + Checklist) here.

💻 Want more support? Here’s how to work with me 1:1: here

Follow me: Instagram | TikTok | Facebook

⚠️ Disclaimer:   This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or psychological advice. Any stories, examples, or scenarios discussed are illustrative and may be composites or anonymised accounts. They do not refer to any specific individual, client, workplace, or organisation. 

Transcript

Michelle Kevill: 0:37

Hello, my corporate survivalists. Welcome back to the final part of our three part series, boundaries broken, the impact of grooming and how to rebuild. And today is what I would say the most important episode of all, because this is where we shift, possibly, from awareness to action, whether you've just realized you've been groomed or beginning to question whether what happened to you was a form of assault. This episode is about helping you break free from the emotional web so you can make an informed decision that honors you. If you want to go deeper again, download my free workplace grooming guide. It breaks down all 10 signs phrases to watch out for subtle manipulation. You know, before it escalates, head to the show notes, Instagram, website, it's all over there. So firstly, a big disclaimer. Okay, so this episode is actually going to discuss sensitive topics, including workplace abuse and sexual assault. Please listen with care and take breaks as needed. Nothing shared in this series or episode constitutes as legal, psychological or medical advice. The views expressed are based on research and commonly reported and observed behaviors in professional environments. All examples mentioned are general and composite in nature. They are not a reflection of any specific individual company or real life event past or present. Okay, so what we'll be covering off in this episode is the most five common emotional responses after grooming or assault. What should do next, practically and emotionally, what not to do. I'll also be coaching on some of the biggest fears around reporting and the one question to ask yourself to collect clarity on your next move. Okay, so based off people who have reported about grooming, here are some of the five most common thoughts that appear because a lot of the times, women are sitting there questioning to themselves, and of course, this happens to women and men. Why am I feeling this way? And that is because grooming can mess with your perception, and it makes you question your reality. And these thoughts are very common, and none of them mean that you are to blame. And I want to make it very clear, many women, especially those with some form of childhood trauma, have been trained to believe protecting someone's ego is safer than protecting their own body, and in certain scenarios, that literally was the only option for you, and that was the best way to get yourself out of that situation. But when it comes to reporting those same thoughts and common patterns can come through. So the first one I want to get into is the thought, it's my fault. Gonna say this so loud and clear, grooming or assault is never your fault. You are dealing with a fully grown adult, someone who made conscious choices, grooming conditions you to believe you're responsible for their behavior, because, again, maybe you were raised in an environment where you were responsible for how others felt or acted. If you're a woman, you were literally conditioned to do that, and sometimes believing it's your fault is actually safer than facing the truth, which is someone crossed your boundaries and you didn't see it coming, that false sense of control can feel easier than the powerlessness of the situation, but it is still false. And don't worry, I'm gonna leave you hanging on these thoughts. There will be a little bit of coaching around this, but I'm just gonna go through all of them. The next one is I didn't say no, or I didn't do anything, or I didn't push them away. I do not care. Anyone watching could have seen how uncomfortable you were. And again, women are conditioned to smile, freeze or fall, because saying no has never felt safe. I'm going to repeat that women are conditioned to smile, freeze or fall, especially in those situations, because saying no, never felt safe. You might have shut down, gone quiet, laughed it off. That's not consent. That is survival. The next one is, I should have known better, and my answer to that is how I give you a quote actually taken from bro Jack horseman, which is when you're wearing rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags, and nothing could be more true. You weren't. Naive. You were being groomed slowly, subtly and strategically. That's why you missed these small, maybe weird red flags in your stomach. You saw what they wanted you to see. The other one isn't a thought, it's actually a comet, which is, it was never about sex. Okay, grooming is never about sex. It's about power. You know, the whether it's the accidental touch or a weirdly intimate moment, it wasn't random. It was a test, specifically a boundary test. They may have wanted to see how you would react, especially in public, and typically, women will go freeze and stay quiet, because, again, women are trained to say, Please not stop. Another common thought is things like, well, they're just they're broken. Maybe they can change. They didn't mean it. No, they've had years to change. They just do not want to in fact, they want you to feel sorry for them. This is what can keep you in an emotional trap and keeps a dynamic alive from seeing it, from what it really is, which is a form of abuse. And another very conflicting thought is this, like I feel bad, like I want some closure. I want to speak to them. I want to move past this with them. I want to feel connected. And I want to say that is actually not weakness, that is a childhood wound that is replaying itself, where repair and forgiveness were linked to safety and survival. I'm going to say it again, repair and forgiveness was linked to your safety and your survival. You were taught to stay connected to people who hurt you. Okay, that's what kept you safe when you were a child. That doesn't mean you have to do that. Now you're allowed to put the emotional backpack down and stop fixing people you were allowed to stop feeling guilty for leaving someone who never truly saw you okay. And I feel when I was doing more research into this, and these are the most common thoughts, like I really wanted to highlight this, bring it to the surface and do a little bit of explanation around where these thoughts are coming from, because when you are in basically, like a fight or flight state, it's really these are so common, and it is completely normal to have these thoughts and for all these like feelings as well to pop up, which leads me into my next part, which is what to do next. All right, maybe you realize, oh, my God, I'm in the process of being groomed or worse. And I really empathize with this. There has been some form of assault. Here are the next best steps to do. The first thing is to tell someone safe, a trusted friend, partner, a therapist, someone who can reflect reality back to you. The second is to write it all down. And again, I can empathize that this might be really triggering the event, the lead up, all the startle stuff that didn't happen in a vacuum. Another thing to do is if you are questioning if this is real, or maybe you don't even realize this was even assault, just but something doesn't feel right, like maybe there's this really gross feeling in your stomach, literally, write it down, put it in chat, G, P, T, or if a friend was telling you this, what would you be saying to them? Because again, when you're in this, I would say, hyper vigilant state. You're not thinking straight, and your brain is literally going to likely dismiss it because it wants to go back to feeling normal, especially if you raised in an environment where, when things stressful, things happened, it was about like, you know, sweeping things under the rug. And you might be doing that emotionally. The next thing, and this is so important, please see a counselor or a therapist. You need to immediately get yourself into therapy. The next is to speak to a lawyer or maybe your union. There is also so with for people in Australia, I will link some free legal support in the show notes. So in Australia, we actually have free legal aid for situations just like these. The next is to not rush. I really want to emphasize this. You're allowed to take your time an informed decision is a powerful one. And I want to make it clear that the thoughts, the feelings, everything you're going for. It's normal, okay? The next one, check your company policies and all your legal rights, and you don't have to make a decision right now, but just look at all your options, because there might be some various protections that you're entitled to. So something else I will link in the show notes is in a. Australia, if you have, say, been sexually assaulted and you do not feel ready to go to the police formally, there is something that you can raise called a sorrow This is called a sexual assault reporting option. It's an informal and anonymous way to report what happened without launching a formal criminal investigation. You can give details about the assault, person, involved circumstances, and it will get recorded in a police database. Now, why does this matter? Well, it's actually really important because it can help the police identify repeat offenders. You don't have to commit to pressing charges, and if you do want to later on, it's at least already documented. It's basically a way to have your story on the record without being forced to act before you're ready. The next thing you want to do is and again, I can empathize that this is really challenging, but you want to start creating space between you and the assailant. Gray rocking is really important here. So if you've heard of gray rocking, again, Last episode, we talked about narcissists, and if again you have just stumbled upon this, please listen to my whole series, starting from the very beginning of the boundaries broken. But gray rocking is just a fancy word for being a gray rock, as in becoming boring to the narcissist. So you still want to stay pleasant, but you want to be neutral. You're not going to be emotionally available for them anymore. You're not going to be fixing them like you were before. You are going to be pulling back your energy. You're not going to be completely ignoring them, but you are going to be protecting yourself. Now, I'm going to tell you what not to do because, if you are feeling very raw, overwhelmed, reactive, like so normal. But here is a truth that no one tells you, you really do need to do the work as best as possible, to regulate before you make a decision or respond. Because here's a problem, when you were dysregulated, you're emotionally flooded, you're angry, you're anxious, you're grieving, and you are going to be possibly more vulnerable to being reg groomed, manipulated or dismissed. And here's the thing, the person who is grooming you, which again, we talked about before, could have been a narcissist. They are counting on that if you lash out, break down in public, send an emotionally charged message, they will likely weaponize that moment to paint you as the unhinged or too emotional one. It'll be used to further protect their image and control the narrative. So before you act, speak or confront anyone, you need to take some space or safety. Is actually going to depend on your clarity and your emotional regulation as much as possible. You do not need to be perfect at this. Being aware, just aware of how you're feeling, is going to be more than enough. Okay? The next thing is, do not have the final closure conversation. I know you want to explain how hurt you are, maybe get them to admit it, so maybe you can find peace. However, this is why I had my earlier episode around covert narcissism. They see you, likely as an object, they will deflect, they will deny, and they will likely pretend that nothing happened. Why? The narcissist actually cannot tolerate shame, and they will do whatever it takes to protect their image. Closure isn't something that they can give you, but it is something that you can create for yourself separately when you go heal on your own, but the final closure conversation that you desperately want, it's not going to give you that freedom that you were looking for is possibly going to put you in again a dangerous situation, the ability to be regrouped or manipulated or be emotionally charged and do something in front of others that is just going to help their narrative. Okay? The next thing is, do not tell them they're a narcissist. Oh, my God, even if they are, even if you think there are textbook everything I'm saying makes sense. Telling them will not make them see the light and change their ways. It will just make them retaliate harder, because now you have become like they're not going to hear you hurt me. They're going to hear you're a threat to me. And this is when the mask drops, and this is when a possible discard and smear campaign can begin, and when all the backs will possibly turn on you. You don't owe them a diagnosis. You just owe yourself some peace the next. And again, I've probably said it through the whole thing, because it's a whole theme, which is, do not like be emotionally charged. Don't take their bait. This is where gray rocking comes in, being neutral, being brief, being boring. Don't be rude. Yeah, but you don't need to feed their ego or their emotion anymore. You know no more. I don't know what it is like long messages or you being like what I just want them to understand, or any like you're not going to be their supply anymore. I talked about in the last episode what narcissistic supply is. You're there to regulate them. You are taking a big step back, not just to protect yourself, but they if something has happened, they are trying to suss out. Do you see them for who they are? And if you are a threat to their image, they will just put you straight into the discard phase. They are counting on you to be emotionally charged, you know, to do something in public. This scene actually, like a lot of this, the research actually comes from relationships with narcissists in romantic relationships, because what someone will do one on one is that they will keep pushing them to the edge, then they blow up, and that's when the narcissist in the one on one relationship, like a romantic one, will then be lent like they might record you, they might do something, they might go to their friends. They'll be the vulnerable narcissist. Oh my god, see what's happening. And then they get all that sympathy and support around them and want something like in a similar manner, just in a corporate perspective, to happen as well. Because a big reminder, narcissists often provoke a reaction, and then they play the victim when you finally snap. So yes, that's very unfair, but this is where calm is your power and knowledge is your power. Because when you know that this is occurring, like you just need to, you just opt out of the game. When you know that you're not dealing with like a person, you're dealing with someone who sees you as an object, you just opt out completely. And I want to make it clear, you do not need to respond with perfection. You just need to respond as best as possible from a regulated place that protects you and your credibility and your safety. Again, you don't need to be perfect at this. It's okay if you're having these thoughts and feelings, but awareness is key. And now we're actually we're going to get into some coaching. All right, we're going to coach you on some of the fear around reporting. Because, let's be honest, the idea of reporting, grooming or assault is goddamn terrifying. And the thoughts that you might be having, they're completely normal, and they're, oh my god, they're all throughout the research. It's the same ones. It's the most common ones I saw when I was doing this, and I thought, You know what? I'm just gonna give you some coaching prompts on this one. So, you know, take with a grain of salt, because you might be listening to this, and again, depending on where your emotions are at, you might not be ready for this, but know that I say this with absolute like love and care in my heart. So let's unpack this one by one with clarity and compassion. Most common one, like, when it comes to all the research out here is that I am going to lose my job, you know? I'll go I'll get in trouble somehow. And I want to validate that this fear is real, but it is also distorted, because, again, it's coming right now from a place of being emotionally overwhelmed and conditioned to protect others before yourself? Yes, there are some companies and industries out there who, yeah, they don't protect victims well. But here is the thing, these fears have been built by a system that tells women don't speak up, it will ruin you. And when I say women, I'm also mean like men, women, whoever victims is basically it don't speak up. Why? Because if you stay silent, their behavior gets to continue, and if you speak up, it does threaten the people who are enabling it. So of course, society conditioning have been, you know, making you believe that the consequences for fall on you, but that is how they stay protected. But that doesn't make your fear the full truth. And I just want you to entertain that possibility. It's okay if you're not there yet. And all you know, feelings are bubbling up, but I do want to elaborate on some of the conditioning that also sits behind this thought. The second most common one is my reputation will suffer. And again, this fear has been rooted in how victims have been historically treated, blamed, disbelieved, or made to feel difficult. But here is the shift. Okay? This is the mental shift I want you to think about. You're not ruining a reputation, you're changing a culture. You're not just protecting yourself, you're making the workplace safer for others. You're not causing the drama. You're disrupting a dynamic that should have never existed in the first place. The third most common one is they have too much power in the organization. And I want to say many covert narcissists look powerful. Big emphasis on the word look, because they know how the system works. They're strategic with who they're friendly with. They over hype their accomplishments, they dominate and are very good at playing the corporate game. But that does not make them untouchable. Their power is often an illusion built on perception and not substance, and when people like you speak up, the illusion starts to crack, and that is why they are wanting the emotional charge to you to come back and not see the mask, because they do not want the image or the illusion that they have built up for so long to be destroyed. The next one is, you know, it's going to be painful, and I won't be supported. Like, let's not sugar coat it. Yes, it might be painful. Yes, the process could be slow, awkward, triggering, imperfect. But here is the truth that actually, no one tells you you can honor your decision even if it's hard. Within the documents around women and all types of survivors who have reported even if it didn't go how they hoped for it to go, one thing is noted, and that is that they all came out saying they became stronger for it, they became clearer. They had more boundaries, and they were able to help others do the same. You might not get the justice in the exact way you want, but you will get clarity, and that, in it of itself. It's its own kind of freedom. But what I'm trying to say, in a roundabout way, is, yeah, it could be painful, and that's okay. Can honor the ability to go out anyway and speak your own truth, if that is what you decide. Because again, I'm gonna give you something towards the end that's, you know, gonna assist with all of this. I'm just going through the thoughts for now. So hold on tight. The next one is I won't be believed. And this is one of the most painful fears, and it's one that a groomer relies on. But that belief starts actually with you, because I'd really be asking you, why do you need to be believed? You don't need everyone to believe you. You need the right people and the right channels to support and help you get there. And sometimes the act of speaking your truth out loud is what breaks the shame loop. A lot of the times this I won't be believed, and needing others to believe this is because you don't believe or recognize your own pain. So that is just something that I would say, to turn inwards and just look at how can you help honor the belief in yourself that this is painful, and it did happen. The final one is around forgiveness, which is like, I don't forgive them, or I should forgive them. And guess what? You don't have to seriously. Forgiveness is actually not a requirement for healing, but what I do encourage you to do is to forgive yourself. You don't need to forgive them. You just need to forgive you for not seeing the signs, for being pulled in, for responding the way you did at that time. You didn't have the information you have now you were surviving, and now you are reclaiming your power, and that's what matters, and it's okay if it's going to be hard, let all those feelings and thoughts come up. Really want to reiterate that, you know, assault can and abuse can happen at all different levels. So I do really respect that this might be very hard for you to hear right now, so I really encourage please be in therapy, be also getting that help that you need. But I also want to, I had to create this to empower women. Then how common these type of dynamics? And it makes sense, right? We see the stats within our own society, within, you know, family, home dynamics. Of course, that is going to the same. Statistics are going to translate into work. So this needs to be talked about. Okay, the next thing that we're going to into is the one that you're probably holding out to, which is, what the hell should I do? And let's be real, once you realize you're possibly in the process of being groomed, or something has happened, like, there's no perfect playbook and no one else. I mean this, no one can tell you what's right or what the right thing to do is, I don't know that might be killing you right now, because you're likely like, I just need someone to tell me what to do. But what I want to give you instead is a framework to anchor self in clarity versus fear and the emotional chaos that you might be going through. So here is also my two takes on, firstly, if you realize you're being groomed, and again, you might be doubting yourself, maybe nothing like official or as serious has happened, this is what I would recommend, firstly, document everything, even if it feels small, dates, locations, what's been said or done. It's also going to give you some clarity and a trail, if you ever need it. The next thing is to start Gray, rocking, pulling back, being neutral, boring, emotionally unavailable. If this person is gray. You, they will notice. And there is two types of gray rocking. One is very like, if you look into the research, like, just completely not friendly, but there is actually something that you can do instead. And it's her name is Dr Romani. She is a very big person in the space on narcissism, and she talks about something called firewalling, basically just being pleasant, but you're not as emotionally invested. What more detail I would look it up after this. But think about it, if you're having those, whether it's late, calls, lots of messages back and forth, that's just starting to stop and you're just pulling away from that. The next one is to confide in someone safe, say what's happening out loud, because you're going to hear yourself more clearly when you say it to another person. Even put it in chat, G, p, t, if you want just in it doesn't have to be someone at work, like, speak to your partner just or like, if you go, you know, get yourself into therapy, speak to someone there as well. Just start to build your connections. A lot of women, here's the thing, they dismiss, this gut instinct that they know something is off. And a lot of these things in isolation, like they sound normal, but when you put them all together, you can start to notice a pattern. So that's why, if you're speaking with someone, it can help you put that together. Now, if you don't feel safe yet, you don't need to go to HR yet, you're not overreacting. But again, I get it, depending on your workplace, a formal report could feel like throwing a grenade into your career or yourself. So I want to say clearly, it's okay to pause and plan. What I'm trying to say is, it's okay. Maybe you've all these thoughts and feelings have just kind of popped up. It's fine, you know, document. Start pulling away, start talking to someone. The next step is to actually think about looking at your options, like, Are there any indirect channels? Can you provide anonymous feedback? Are there any wellbeing check ins? Can you share this in an exit interview? If you are close to leaving? The next thing is to speak to a lawyer, a workplace advocate, the union, before making something more formal. It's about staying informed and knowing your rights. First, you don't need to blow it up right now. You just need to get out of the fog and then from deciding from solid ground what you want to do, and that is totally okay. I'm going to come to this in a second, if that is just making the decision to pull away and leave quietly. I really am big on women making a decision that comes from their own place, and I will, I'm going to give you something that's going to help you make that decision for yourself. Okay, if something physical or clear cut has happened, such as an assault, I would say that this is a different ball game, and it is very commonly reported to feel shocked, numb, confused, embarrassed, angry at yourself for not seeing it sooner. But again, that is grooming, that is trauma, is not your fault. Now in both scenarios, I'm going to give you the one question that is going to help you know from your gut what it is you want to do. This is what you're going to ask yourself. You're going to say, if you are 99 years old and you're on your deathbed, are you going to look back and regret reporting this or regret staying silent? Your answer to that question, it will come from your gut, but that is your truth. That is the decision that you want to make. Because right now, the reason you feel stunted in not knowing what decision you would make is because you want to know what the right path is. You want certainty, and I want to let you know that that is so common. Our brains are wired for safety and certainty. That's why you know what will happen if I report, if I say silent, ruin my job. Will people leave me? Will I regret it? Like you want to make the perfect decision, the one where you win, you feel safe and no one judges you. But the truth is, there's actually going to be no perfect outcome. There's only your outcome and the decision that you can live with and also the path that you can tolerate. You have two choices, and both are valid. You can speak up, you can report, you can take action. You will face discomfort, but you honor the part of you that said, I needed this on record. And there's the other option, you don't report, and maybe for it's right now, maybe it's just right now, but you protect your peace, you gather your strength, you heal your own time, maybe one day you choose to speak up, or maybe you don't, and you just leave. And that is okay, too, if that's what you want to do. Both of these choices are brave. Both of these require strength and get you back to yourself. For either one they a lot of people encourage reporting, and I understand that reason, and it's because. The more we report, the more we like people get this out and in the open, the more change happens. However, I believe, from what I saw in the research, is that you need to the decision needs to come from you. The decision needs to come from your gut. You don't need to know the whole path. You just need to take your next best step with a clear enough head. Okay, so I don't want you seeing anything, but I need to know right now, what I'm going to do is fight that might be just telling one trusted friend, writing everything down, getting some legal advice, or just sitting quietly and saying to myself, I believe me, your clarity will come when you stop trying to make the perfect choice and you just start making it real and tangible. Like when I say real, I mean, like, you know, telling a person, writing things down, it will naturally come to you, and you just reflect on that thought, if I'm 99 years old, what will I look back? What do I want to do? What could I do if I think, when I was looking into this, for some women, I think the whole you need a report, blah, blah, can actually do the opposite. It can put put people in, like, I don't know what to do, instead of I think what a lot of people are looking for is validating what they went through and all the emotions and thoughts that they're having now, and just you know that all of that being normalized. If you're saying to yourself, like, Yeah, this is normal, and this is part of it, and it's supposed to feel this way, it's from that place you can start to calm down and make a real decision. Is why? Given the you know told you about before the research, the how common this is, the stats on this, I am now offering free one on one coaching to help you process what's happened, organize your thoughts and figure out your next best step, especially if you realize you might be in the grooming stage. This is not about fixing it all overnight. It's about giving you space clarity and calm, because you do not have to do this alone. Now, why am I doing this? I can see how incredibly complex and isolating this type of situation can be, especially in a professional environment where the lines are blurred and the stakes feel high. And what I have noticed is that when something like this happens, you're often forced to navigate, like the legal stuff from a lawyer, the emotional processing from a therapist, and the professional risk with like no clear road back. But what I have seen is that what most women really need in that moment is someone who is just understanding the mechanic, mechanics, power dynamics and emotional confusion all at once. And that is why I'm offering this call. It's a calm, clear space to pause, reflect and just figure out your next best step without judgment, pressure or performance. To give you an example, I did actually want ages ago, I had a client who was really struggling with their job, and they just couldn't deal a shifted roles. They were how, going through a lot of stress, and I remember she was telling me how, like, the psychologist was telling them to, like, not quit the job, because then they could get depressed. But then the their doctor was saying, No, you need to quit the job because you're on all this, you know, medication and stuff like that, and you're too anxious. And that caused so much confusion for her, because she's like, I don't know what to do. I'm getting all this conflicting information. And during the call, just made it very clear, like, let's just go through all these thoughts and feelings, like, what do you want to do? I'm not going to sit there and tell you what to do. And it was through some of that coaching that she came through the other end, she was able to make a decision that best suited her. And I remember her messaging me, being like, you know, Michelle, you are the only person who believed in me, who believe you didn't tell me what to do. You didn't say you should do X because of this, you said, What do you want? And that alone helped empower me to make a decision that best suited me. Because we all have that intuition. We all know what our next best step is. We just sometimes need that little bit of a push. That's why it's called an empowerment, called to feel empowered and make a decision that suits us. So what you will walk away with is a space to breathe and say what you haven't been able to say, possibly out loud, a clear understanding of what's going on, an idea of what you could do without pressure, without someone telling you should do this or this, and most importantly, a moment of control in a situation that probably felt completely out of your hands. I want to make this super duper clear, this call, like, what this call is not, I will not make a decision for you. This also is not therapy. I strongly encourage you. There'll be a questionnaire and some, you know, I go through all the time your disclaimers. This isn't, you know, I'm not a psychologist, etc. All of that. I'm not going to sit in your feelings, but I will gently challenge them when needed with love and care. This also is not a sales call. You want regular coaching or the package. There is a separate link for that, and I will not be encouraging any of that during this type of call or what you're going through. And this is not about fixing you, because, again, you are not broken. This is just a space where you get to ask, What do I do now? And you get an honest, informed, non judgmental answer that's going to help you move forward, even if forward is just one small step. You're sitting there like I'm too scared to even verbalize what is happening right now. Maybe it's just that one simple act of like writing it down, talking to someone that is just going to help move the things in motion, and a big old disclaimer, like, I am not a licensed therapist, psychologist or lawyer. This is not medical, legal or clinical advice. This call is peer based, trauma informed coaching space designed to support self led decisions. Okay, so for my Australian folks, I'm going to have a ton of links in regards to, like I said, some of those options, like legal aid, etc, that are going to be there if this has triggered up anything for you as well, I'm also going to have the link to a sexual assault hotline that you can use. What you should now know from this is look, most five most common emotional responses after grooming assault, again, is very, very normal to be feeling all the like the blame all of that, but at least you get a little bit of an understanding as to where it may be coming from, and a lot of that is just the conditioning of women. I've given you some practical and emotional next steps that you can take that is just going to help push you in the right direction. I've also clearly told you what not to do. I'm really emphasizing that with any decision that you're making as part of this, it is about being as regulated as possible. And even if, like, it's fine to be feeling absolutely afraid or whatever it is, I just want you to be aware of it. The biggest thing I've seen from the research and anecdotes from other women is when they weren't aware of this and they, you know, had an emotional outburst or something like that, and then the groomer again, who's possibly a narcissist, is then using that to their advantage. We've also touched on some of the biggest fears around reporting with just a little bit of light, loving coaching around that it is okay for you to not want to go make a big decision just yet, that's totally fine. But if you were sitting there wondering what the hell to do again, ask yourself that one question. You are right now, 99 years old, you're sitting on your death bed, are you going to look back and regret either reporting or not reporting? That's totally fine again. If that, if that is to not report, that is also fine. I'm not saying that to protect predators. I'm saying that because I honestly believe women should be able to choose a decision that best suits them in that moment. Come from a reflective place, do the work to, you know, flesh out all those thoughts and feelings and make a decision that best suits you. I think that the pressure or hearing all the different things from, you know, all these from people can sometimes make women and victims feel in like a free state, like, oh, I don't know. I don't know what the best decision is to do. Not about making the best decision. It's about making a decision that you can honor all the way through. You can honor that choice that you made. Finally, if this is something again, that you want that space to explore. Link is in the show notes. And on my website, head for the empowerment call, there is a questionnaire that you are going to fill out again. It has all the disclaimer and the terms and conditions, etc. And with that, and I just realized how long this episode is. It's almost 40 minutes. That is the end of the three part series. If this episode or series struck a chord, please do not keep it to yourself. I'm asking you to share this with another woman in your world, a friend, a colleague. I know someone rising through the ranks, because grooming thrives in Silence and Awareness is protection, the more we talk about it, the less power it has. Let's make sure no woman has to figure this out alone. I honestly believe I was put on this earth to do this type of work, to raise awareness to things like these that hide under the surface, because every woman and person deserves to go to work and feel safe, take care, and I will see you in the next two weeks.