Car Chronicles EP 9: Is Your Relationship Keeping Her In Fight Or Flight

A single scoop of pre-workout turns into a full-on reality check: if you’re fasting, “almost no calories” can still matter, and your body will tell on you if you track ketones. We open with the gritty details of a multi-day water fast, from a surprise 70-calorie label to the headaches, poor sleep, and chaotic errands that make discipline harder than appetite. Along the way we share what actually helps, including distraction, training, caffeine without add-ins, and electrolytes to stay functional while you ride out the waves.

Then we pivot into relationships and a controversial but relatable idea: you may “have the right woman” when she uses her baby voice around you. We unpack what that’s really pointing to, emotional safety. When a woman feels safe, she tends to relax, be herself, and invest in the relationship. When she doesn’t, she may repress emotions, stay on high alert, and slowly become a version of herself built to avoid conflict. We connect that to stress physiology, cortisol, the nervous system, and why women’s hormones can take a bigger hit when life stays stuck in fight-or-flight.

We also get practical about relationship leadership and routines. Decision-making matters, because dumping every choice onto your partner can push her into constant management mode and burnout. And yes, we talk about the growing trend of couples sleeping in separate rooms, why shared bedtime is one of the last daily intimacy rituals, and how separate lives under one roof can quietly drain a marriage.

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Transcript

Water Fast Wins And Mistakes

SPEAKER_03 0:11

Yes, sir. You know what that means. Back on the road again Thursday. Headed to the church. Another day, another dollar.

Why I Track Ketones

SPEAKER_02 0:29

This is day four of my four-day water fast. And man, I made a mistake yesterday without even realizing it. Cause I take pre-workout. I took pre-workout during my five-day fast. I had no issues. Because you know, most pre-workouts have five or less calories. And I wake up this morning and I check my ketones and they went down. I'm like, how'd they go down from point from 1.3 to 1? And so I look at the back of the pre-workout. The pre-workout had 70 calories, bro. I was like, what the actual f isn't this mother freaker to give it 70 calories. At 70 calories in one carb. Hey, the math ain't math. I was like, something going on fishy here with this math. And so I was like, okay, won't be doing that again. But obviously, outside of that, it's just been all water. And today I got me a C4. Because you know, C4s have five, zero, ten calories. And this is why I check my ketones. Because stuff like this doesn't usually pull me out of ketosis. But obviously the 70 calories is gonna do more than the 10 calories. So I was like, well, that's kind of messed up. But I'll be, and I slept like absolute crap. And I didn't really get all my water in. Bro, I spent four and a half hours at T Mobile yesterday after the gym. I got down to the gym at like 11. I got home like 11.30. Not home to T Mobile at like 11.30. I didn't get home until 4.30. Almost five. Oh my god, bro. I had the craziest headache. And it's like I'm I'm fasting as well. So it's like I can't come home and just like, you know, eat something. So I was like, well. And then I had a check-in call with one of my clients. So I couldn't even go to bed because I had to wait wait for that because he's two hours behind. So I had to wait for him. It was just a it was just an overall bad day yesterday for fasting wise and ketone wise. And I slept like crap today, so we'll see how it looks tomorrow morning. But outside of that, doing a seven-day water fast, I don't know why it comes so easy to me. And I I would say if you ever want a fast, the best thing you can do is find something to distract you. If you work like a nine to five, I mean, which most of us do, try to stay busy at work. And then when you get off work, go to the gym. When you get home from the gym, hop on the game. Just find ways to distract yourself. And it makes it so much easier, dude. I just literally I wake up, I take the dogs out, feed them, go to the gym, get back from the gym, all game for a little bit, get off the game, make content, get back on the game, and then do any client work. And it's just, I don't even realize that I'm hungry until I'm laying in bed at seven seven o'clock or eight o'clock, and then I just go to bed. And then of course, you know, you can have caffeine. They say you don't, they say, depending on what you get, you can have caffeine, just don't add anything to it. And electrolytes. And it's easy, man. I don't know, it's easy to me. But yeah. So that's what we're going through. I'll be done with it on Sunday. And she's not here right now. She's in PR. She gets back Monday. Which is good. So yeah, that's that. Now, on to what you guys are really here about.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

I'm gonna make a reel about this as well.

Baby Voice As A Safety Signal

SPEAKER_02 5:30

But I haven't yet. So I'm gonna say it here. And I'm gonna be I'm gonna definitely post this episode. I say that. Like I I wanna apologize because I make so many of these episodes, but I don't post all of them. So there's um I I refer back to some episodes that I that sometimes I haven't posted, and I know it's messed up. So I want to apologize for that. And I want to thank you guys for listening to me anyways. Alright. With that out of the way, so I was gonna make it real about this. And I was thinking about this the other day, and uh, I don't know how much weight actually holds, but it's it's something that I've noticed and something that she's told me directly. So with those two things in mind, I think it's probably true it holds a lot of weight. And then you can you can see and let me know by comparing it to your relationship. So this the real was gonna be you know you have the right woman when she uses her baby voice around you.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Now, if you don't know what a baby voice is, that's when you know how you talk to Anna's like, oh, he's so cute, oh little baby.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

You know, a little baby voice. Well, women do it as well. But they only do it, they only do it when they feel safe enough in a relationship to be themselves. Hence why I say, you know, you have the right one when she doesn't, because that means she feels like she can be herself, and they'll do it in different ways, you know, like well, I want you to come over here and sit by me.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

I want you to spend time with me, you know, like that.

Stress Hormones And Women’s Health

Leadership That Builds Security

SPEAKER_02 7:48

And so if they do the baby voice, they feel safe and they're being themselves. And if someone who is able to be themselves in a relationship is far more willing to change and sacrifice for the betterment of the relationship, because now they have stake in the game. Because they're in a relationship where they're able to fully and freely express themselves without fear of repercussion. Because a lot of relationships, people can't be themselves, and if they try to be themselves, the other person doesn't like when they do things like that, so they lash out and attack. And so they sh so they they shelter themselves and they become somebody different just so the relationship can function. They're like chameleons. They adapt to the aggressor, or they they adapt to the other person in the relationship, sometimes out of fear, or they just want things to work so badly that they start to mimic the other person. Now, the mimicking can be a good and bad thing because a lot of people who are in like healthy relationships, the spouses, the spouses begin to take on the characteristics of that other person in some aspects. Like Stephanie, she uses a lot of my vocabulary, like the things that I say. First of all, it's funny as hell because it's it's like, oh, that's me. I said that. And we are able to, you know, finish each other's sentences because we're thinking about the same things. Or she'll do certain things that I do, I'll do certain things that she does. Like, there's a saying this is the stupidest thing in the world. But we'll we'll be talking about Meowzers, and I'll be like, uh, Mr. Meowzers, and then she'll she started calling him Mr. Meowzers, and I'd be like, Meowzers got a fat back with a with a with uh with a big fat hat. This something's bro, it's the stupidest thing in the world that I do. I'd just be making up stupid stuff, and then she started doing that. Like I would say, uh Mr. Meowzers, and then she would, you know, finish it off with, got a fat back with a big fat hat. But you know, that's that's what I'm talking about when it's the healthy version. Not the sheltered or, you know, kind of like the Stockholm Syndrome version where it's out of fear that they have molded to their significant other. So it's it's little things like that that stem from them feeling like they're able to be themselves and express themselves in the relationship, that they relax. You know, the nervous system is not on high alert, not always feeling they're not always in fight or flight. Because when they're always in fight or flight, the body is constantly releasing cortisol, and the body can't separate mental stress from physical stress. It's all perceived as the same. So it's still doing a lot of damage, even if it is just psychological, on the body system. You know, your central nervous system is getting smoked, your nervous system in general is getting smoked, your immune system is getting smoked. And so in relationships that uh the woman doesn't feel safe in, they get sick a lot. They're always exhausted because their cortisol is constantly being pumped out, so they're not sleeping well, and it really does carry over into every aspect of their life, which is unfortunate because of how the woman's hormonal cycle is set up, and you know that cycle is supposed to work in harmony with the body, but when the body's out of whack, the cycle is gonna be out of whack, and then you know a lot of women experience intense periods when the period's not supposed to be intense. Stephanie, I bro, if it wasn't for the fact that I see the pads in the trash can, and I would not know that she was ever on her period, because she is the exact same person on and off her period. It is honestly one of the most mesmerizing things, because you hear all these stories about all these chicks when they're on their period, they're gonna they're gonna rage. And uh in fact, that's what the gynecologist told me. He told me. He's like, You you know, if you take this IUD out that she's gonna be a monster, and you're always gonna be fighting and arguing. And in my head, I knew that. I knew that I knew that wasn't true. And he's like, You sure you want to do this? I was like, bro. I literally told him, I was like, bro, it's not my choice. It's it's her freaking vagina. If she wants to take her IUD out, then she's gonna take her IUD out. I'll be calling them IED. As if she's gonna take it out. But she got the copper one because she wanted to remove the hormonal one because of the hormones that were in it. And so she got the copper IUD. And it's like, dude, I know my wife. She's not, she's not like most women when it comes to this one, because she's done the necessary work internally on her body to make sure that her hormones are doing what they're supposed to be doing. That's the whole point. We got into functional medicine, so we were able to help men and women deal with things like this. So she's already done it, therefore, she doesn't have painful periods. She doesn't change depending on the phase of her period, she doesn't get bloated during her periods. Bro, uh when I tell you, it is mesmerizing to watch and to know that I have a wife that is stable all phases of the period. I'm telling you, it is something that most men wouldn't dream of. So yeah. But that all comes from, like I said, the body feeling safe. And I know I'm getting off on the tangent here, well, kind of, but talking about women and women's health, but women have a far more complex ecosystem when it comes to the HPA access. So their hormones are far more likely to be affected by stress and everything else going on just because of the world that we live in currently. Men, bro, we don't we don't deal with the gut problems and the hormone problems as much as women. I mean, obviously, men are suffering from chronic testosterone being low nowadays, but that's just come from lifestyle factors. But men have an easier time bouncing back from stress and recovering from stress than women do. That's just how we are biologically. And what can you the ones in a relationship that are far more affected by emotional trauma than men are? And women are just more likely to try to be a chameleon in a relationship out of fear of repercussions from the man. That's just, I mean, this is just how it is. So taking all that into account, back to the original point here, if she's not using her baby voice around you, she probably doesn't feel safe enough in the relationship to be herself. And if she can't be herself, then she's repressing a lot of emotion. And that repression is causing trauma and literally causing her entire system to go haywire. And like I said, it leads to sickness, leads to exhaustion, just leads to a lot of mental instability, and then that accumulated baggage carries over into the relationship. And this is why they're constantly looking for a nice guy. But in reality, what they're looking for is someone they feel safe around. And a nice guy is not the guy out here attacking them, you know, tearing them down, making them feel lesser. You know, the nice guy is giving them compliments, boosting them, gassing them up, making them feel good about themselves. And they think that that is ultimately what they're looking for. And in reality, that's not what you're looking for. You're looking for, you're searching for safety. And safety comes from a guy who is emotionally mature. Because an emotionally mature guy is able to lead a female in ways that she can't lead herself. A lot of these females have dual personalities nowadays, and they spend a lot more time in their masculine than they do their feminine. And that's because the lack of leadership in the men. But when you're in a relationship where the man is leading and being masculine, she is allowed to be in her feminine. You know, and then that's when she feels like herself because she is a female and she's able to do all of the girly stuff that she wants to do. And she doesn't feel like she has to be in charge or have to take the lead, and she can just be by your side like she wants to be. So if you're if you're in a relationship right now and you're analyzing it, you want to look at how your the dynamic between you two are because she's not asking you, you know, your opinion on things, for example, when we leave to go anywhere. It doesn't matter where we're going, she'll always like say, for example, she has an appointment, and she'll ask me, you know, what time do you think we should leave to make sure we get there on time? That's literally her giving you the reins and letting you decide the outcome of the appointment. And I'll be like, well, we should leave at this time. But if you're a guy and you say, I don't know, it's your appointment, when do you want to leave? Then you're literally, you know, usurping your position and putting her in the masculine role. And so if you do that consistently, then it's going to start to affect her because she has to be in the masculine and make decisions, take charge, and do the things you're supposed to be doing. So she's taking on your responsibility and her responsibility, and eventually that's going to burn her out. Because, like I said, it's gonna put her in a fight or flight. Cortisol's gonna spike, she's gonna freaking feel like she has to do everything, she's gonna be anxious, she's gonna feel like the world is closing in her, but she has to make all these decisions because the man ain't doing nothing. All he does is a game, all he does this, this, this, this, and this. And you can see how on top of what she does, now she has to do what you're supposed to do, and how that can eventually wear her out. So making decisions is one of the big things that a man is supposed to do. Like, she'll plan out. Like, we're going we're going on a trip to the hybrid health summit in April. What are we in? March. Yeah, in April. And she'll plan out the date. She's like, oh, okay. Well, we're gonna get this Airbnb. She's like, okay, let's look at Airbnbs. She's like, okay, we're gonna get this Airbnb, and I wanna I wanna take the dog to the beach, and then I'm gonna do this. Now she's like, does all that sound good to you?

SPEAKER_03 22:41

She's giving me the final say.

Why Couples Should Sleep Together

SPEAKER_02 22:49

Because ultimately, she knows that the decision is up to me. Which that's how I believe that's how it should be in a relationship. If you if one of the outside of surprises and birthdays and stuff like that is just making plans without the input of the other, I is once again, like really like what are we doing? So those are just examples of how the woman is doing her role and the man is doing his, but if the woman has to take on the role of the man and do everything, she's gonna get burnt out and she's gonna feel like she has to be someone else in order to get things done. And vice versa, if the man is, like I said earlier, you know, the woman is trying to do her role, and he's just tearing her down, attacking her, saying this is stupid, you're stupid, why would you ever think of that? And stuff like that. Well, she's gonna shelter and feel like she can no longer be herself, and it's gonna it's gonna cause the same issues. And then she's gonna become a chameleon, she's gonna mold and adapt to avoid repercussions in the relationship and no longer be herself. And so now you're gonna have a shell or corpse as a significant other when you could have had a could have actually had the person. And I also wanted to touch on this. I was gonna make it real about this as well. But sticking to the relationship thing, this whole couple sleeping in different rooms thing is really getting out of control. I just saw another TikTok on this, where this woman was talking about sleeping in another room, and she was like, her husband was like, Why do you care about this? And she's like, I I don't know, I really don't. I'm like, that that's crazy to me because how I see it, this is how I see it. When you're sleeping in the same bed, that is like one of the most intimate parts of the relationship. It's like one of the only times where you guys are actually fully spending time with each other, holding each other, and just being with each other and having enough trust for one another to fall asleep next to one another. My driving instructor told me this when I was 20 in 2020. Wow, in 20. And when was that? See, I joined the military in 2009. That's 18, as well as 15, so like 2006. He fell asleep while I was driving. And uh he woke up as we were coming back, and I was like, dang, you just fell asleep. How are you supposed to instruct me if you're asleep?

SPEAKER_03 26:20

And he's like, if the passenger falls asleep while you're driving, then that means they trust you in your ability to drive.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

Now, outside of, you know, falling asleep because you're trying to stay awake because you don't want to fall asleep because you don't trust these motherfers. That's different. But willingly falling asleep means that they trust you and your ability to drive. And I I use that same principle. I mean, your spouse is willing to come to bed at the same time as you to lay down with you and to fall asleep next to you. They trust you. Outside of forcing them or making them, dude, I like for me and her, I have to be touching her to fall asleep. And she has to be touching me to fall asleep. Like when she's gone like she is now, bro, I cannot sleep. I wake up so many times in the middle of the night, it is insane, bro. I just get the absolute worst sleep when she is gone.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

And I think that's how it should be.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Because it's like removing a piece of your life and taking it and putting it somewhere, and it's just like, well, that's freaking it's gone now, it sucks. And then when that piece comes back, your life is back to normal. So I look at it as if you just remove the intimacy from your life by sleeping in different beds, like what what why are y'all even together? Like, what what are you gonna remove next? Talking to each other, eating dinner with each other? People are s people are removing the traditional norms of a nuclear family, and they wonder why they're so miserable. People don't sleep in the same bed anymore, people don't sit down and eat dinner together anymore, people don't talk about their days with each other anymore. It's just they just do their own, they just like live their own separate lives being together. And they think just because they have somebody, that other person is supposed to just put up with it. And if they don't like it, then they just leave and find somebody else and do the same thing over and over again. And it's just like, well, that's not a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 29:15

And this is the cause is because you don't have anything that you value. That's the issue.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

When you don't value the other person, of course you're more likely to do those things. Or if you're tired of the person, or you never actually really like the person, or you're cheating on the person, of course you're gonna do those things. In a relationship with a guy, and the and the guy and the woman's like, oh yeah, that's a good idea, honey. Let's sleep in different beds. Bro, who knows what the freak he's doing in there?

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Who knows what the freak she's doing in there?

SPEAKER_02 29:55

And it's just at a point, do we do we just collectively say that that's just not something couples should be doing when you're in a relationship? Like, I I don't agree with couples who don't go to bed at the same time. Because what could you possibly, unless you're working, obviously, but what could you possibly be needing to do that you can't just do tomorrow?

SPEAKER_03 30:28

There I bro, I used to be like that.

Stop Hunting For The Right One

SPEAKER_02 30:30

Like I used to game for hours after she went after my ex-wife went to bed. Because I didn't understand at the time the importance of actually investing my energy into the relationship, which is part of the reason why I fell. But now I'm fully aware of how much damage can be done by me not investing time and energy into the relationship. And so now I don't game for hours anymore or let her go to bed by herself. I go in there with her and we do our nightly routine together. We lay down together, we do our nightly routine together. The only reason why she even wakes up earlier than me is because of her clients, and then she takes care of the dogs and makes breakfast. That's the only reason why she gets up earlier than me. If it wasn't for that, we would get up at the same time. And I already told her, I was like, you don't have to make my breakfast. I can get up and make my own if it allows you to sleep longer. She's like, nope, I'm doing it. So there's that. So we need to we need to get back to the traditional norms and you know, you need investing the energy and time into the relationships to make them better. You guys are out here searching for the right one. Well, there is no right one. There's a person who has put the work in to themselves, and when you have put the work in to yourself, God will place somebody in your life that's gonna have all your hard work pay off. But until you do the hard work, you're gonna keep getting the same chaotic people in your life. And he's gonna keep sending you those people until you understand the lesson that he's trying to teach you. And that lesson is hey, figure yourself out. Because when you find, when you when you figure yourself out and he sends you that one, you'll know. And then you'll get with that person. She'll use her baby voice, and that's when you know you have the because she feels safe. She feels like she can be herself in the relationship. She's going to allow you to lead the relationship. And once she allows you to lead the relationship, that's when you put a ring on it. Because that woman is willing to sacrifice and change for the betterment of the relationship. She's willing to make compromises, regardless if the compromise will cost her more than it cost you.

SPEAKER_03 33:25

Because she wants the relationship to thrive.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

She's going to applaud you when you do well. She's gonna tell you she's proud of you. She's gonna freaking be there to give you advice and listen to you when times get rough.

SPEAKER_03 33:48

She's going to be the glue. This is the difference between a woman who feels safe and a one who doesn't.

Real Examples From Past Relationships

Final Takeaway And Sendoff

SPEAKER_02 34:07

The woman who feels safe is able to make rational decisions. The woman who doesn't is too busy being stressed out, doing both roles to make rational decisions. She's going to be in her feminine. She's going to want to dress up, look good, and go out. But but you're gonna have to match that energy. I well, I I've said this before, but the when the woman gets all dressed up and the man doesn't, he just puts on freaking, I don't know, some shorts and a freaking t-shirt with some freaking sandal, and she's wearing a nice dress, it's like, bro, that is not it. That is embarrassing. As the woman, I would be fully embarrassed because that's just not masculine, bro. If you don't own nice clothes, I'm talking about slacks, button down, belts, wingtips, things of that nature, even some nice loafers. You're doing yourself a disservice, bro, and you need to start caring more about your appearance. Because that makes an impact. Well, yeah, I'm I'm just rambling now. So, yes. When she uses her baby voice, that's when you know you have a good woman. That's when you know she feels safe, secure, in a relationship enough to be herself. Because they all have it in them. And oh, that's what I meant to tell you guys. She told me directly that she never talked with her baby voice when she was with her ex, her, her first ex, the one that hit her. She never used her baby voice around him. Why? Because he was always constantly tearing her down, telling her she was fat. He would always literally have to check her phone. He would always literally say she was cheating on him. He would literally follow her to the gym to make sure she wasn't cheating on him. He never wanted to have sex. He was just doing things that aren't becoming of a man. And, you know, she was just spending more time in fight or flight. And she literally had to adapt and become a chameleon to prevent arguments. So she would just have to be what he wanted her to be, so she wouldn't have to freaking worry about arguments or retaliation. And then the ex after him, she didn't use her baby voice because he he wasn't, she told me she didn't feel safe. Like she didn't feel like he would be able to protect her. She always had to correct him. Like he would just walk around all hunched over like he was a sad puppy dog. And she would be like, yo, can you stand up straight with some confidence? You know, he would always walk around looking at the ground, wouldn't make eye, couldn't make eye contact. And she just she had to play both roles in that relationship. And then there's me, obviously, she was her baby voice because she feels safe and terrified because she knows that if something popped off that I'm let's just say that I'm gonna respond in kind without hesitation. And she allows me to make decisions by asking for my advice, giving me, you know, the rundown of what she thinks we should do all vacation and giving me the final say. You'll just you'll just know, dude. You will know. You will know. Oh yeah. So hopefully you guys enjoyed this episode. If you did, don't forget to like, comment, and share. And leave that five star review. And until next time, see ya!