Car Chronicles EP 12: Are You Dating To Settle Down Or To Avoid Being Alone

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Transcript

Road Talk And Boring Shifts

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Yes, sir. Know what that means.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Back on the mother freaking road again. Oh my gosh. It's Thursday.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

On the way to the church. Thank God that I'm finished. What those Sephora shifts, man. There's nothing more boring than sitting inside of a building and just sitting there. All you have is your phone. Even my phone gets boring. I literally just started watching uh my wife's favorite show is Outlander. I've never seen it. So I was like, you know what? You know what I'm gonna do? This is my grand plan. She's never gonna know. I'm gonna watch all the episodes of Outlander. And then one of these days, I'm just gonna start, I'm just gonna bring it up, like, hey, you know, Outlander. And then I'm gonna start talking about it. Just to be like, yeah, I know about it. That's my ultimate plan.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

I thought about watching it with her. But I feel like this way it'd be more of a more of a surprise.

Church Event And Catching Up

SPEAKER_00 1:34

I watched your first episode. They're an hour long each. And the issue was that I was already sleep deprived and trying to stare at a screen for an hour. Bro, it's rough. But yeah. So yeah. I'm glad I'm done with those for now. So then have another construction. Job I need. I mean to sit there and stare at the front door. Oh, excuse me. Anyways. Today I'm going to the church. They got filled day to day. So it's about to get crazy. They're gonna be competing in archery and a bunch of other stuff. Castle sieges, a bunch of crazy stuff. So we'll see how that goes. And the last two episodes I did, I got them both uploaded. Because I know I'll be slow on the up uploads, I know, I'm sorry. So I uploaded two episodes this morning, back to back. So you got those are some good episodes. Especially the one where I'm talking about pain. Which is episode 11. But they're both very good. And I was just thinking this morning, I was just looking at the episodes that people have downloaded, and it's like, man, people have really taken the time out of their day to listen to me talk. I think that's so crazy. I don't know why every time. I think it's absolutely crazy that people go out of their way to go to our podcast, click on our episode, and listen to it. That's crazy. I don't know why it's so crazy to me. I mean, not crazy in the sense that it's like what I'm saying doesn't make any sense. Well, I hope it makes sense to you guys. But it's like, it's just crazy to think that people actually take the time to listen to what I'm saying. And for those that are you that are listening, I hope it's helping.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Thanks for putting up with my chaotic way of me distributing content.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

You know, like they say thrive in chaos. I actually don't have a problem with chaotic environments, and I saw a study that said men often have no issues when it comes to disorganized or chaotic environments because we don't get emotionally overwhelmed like women do. So like when I'm baking, stuff left all over the place, and my wife's like, How do you how do you do this? She gets so stressed out that the kitchen isn't in pristine condition when she's cooking. Like when she cooks for cheat day, her whoop is like yelling at her because she spends so much time in the high stress zone. So yeah, I just find it that's an that's very interesting to me.

Chaos Comfort And Sleep Deprivation

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Anyways.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Today I really don't have a specific like topic. And that's probably because I've been I stayed up like 37 hours yesterday. It feels like it. It was definitely at least 30. Because when I got off work and you want to reset your clock, you don't want to come home and go straight to bed, or you're still gonna be on that same time. So I came home and I stayed up to my normal time, which was seven, and then I went to bed. So I had been up since 6 a.m. the last morning, and I stayed up till 7 p.m. the next day. So I don't uh and I don't feel tired yet. And I got me a little drinky drink, just you know, well every morning, I have well not every morning, but anyway, every time I go to work, I take one of these just in case. I know I'm not gonna I don't even need them. I just drink them for the taste at this point, and just because it's like what is it, uh what is it called? The habit ritual at this point. But yeah. So I was trying to think of what to talk about, and I nothing really came to mind.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

So I figured I would just talk about what I feel is important to talk about.

Why Modern Relationships Feel Broken

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Okay, I guess that's what I normally do. Anyways, but yeah, so I've been on a relationship thing lately. And I figured I would just stick with that. Because I feel like people, I feel like there's more people nowadays who are struggling immensely with the relationships to the point to where there's I don't know what news sources you follow or where you get your information from. But there's articles and new research studies coming out about how men are leaving a dating pool. Uh the younger generation just isn't dating, dating seriously. And it's just a bunch of very depressing news. Just like, you know, with the fertility rates declining, like you may see that and be unaware of how important of an issue that is. The fertility rates declining, it's pretty serious because you know, no no more babies, then no more humans. And people aren't really dating either, and then the fertility rates are dropping. That means people aren't sleeping with each other, and then if they are sleeping with each other, since they're not dating, there's a a lot more kids that do come into this world out of out of wedlock. I think that's how you say that. And so they're being brought into this world by a single mother instead of a family. More kids are being brought into this world without their fathers. I saw this one crazy TikTok yesterday. It was about this mother who just came out of surgery. And the husband was like, Hey, do you mind if I bring the kids to the hospital and you just take care of them for a couple hours while I go run and do some errands? First of all, that's already grounds for divorce. Your wife just came out of surgery, my nigga. And the first thing you're thinking about is leaving and leaving the kids there so she can watch it. She just came out of surgery, my guy. Tell me you don't care about your wife without telling me you don't care about your wife. And then and then she asks him, like, you know, what do you have to go do? And he's like, I just gotta do a couple things, just be a couple hours. She's like, okay, but what are you going to go do? And he wouldn't say, divorce. We go ahead and end this story right now, divorce. That's right, even crazy, bro. She just came out of surgery, bro.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

She literally just woke up from anesthesia. That's insanity.

Plan B Thinking Kills Commitment

SPEAKER_00 10:46

But it's stuff like that where I was like, okay, there's clearly a disconnect in relationships nowadays. And the episodes are up now, so I'm not gonna refer back to them because you can actually go and listen to them. Pardon me. But it really does come down to your the fact that you have plan B's, plan C's, plan D's, plan E's, plan Fs. When you're in a relationship with something, people no longer devote their 100% into that effort, into that relationship. Okay, it's more nowadays people have multiple women, multiple gusts that they're talking about. It's prevalent way more nowadays than it was when I was growing up. Like when I was growing up, when people got caught cheating, it was like a big deal. Nowadays, it's just like a second nature. It's almost like they just plant on it happening when they're in a relationship. And that's why you get issues when your wife wakes up from anesthesia and you're like, hey, can I go run a couple errands? Like, what what the freak could you possibly have to do right now that's more important than being there next to your wife and making sure she's okay?

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Dude, I'll tell you right now, if my wife, God forbid, anything happened to her to where she ended up in a hospital, I would be them I'm I would be that mother freaker that falls asleep in the hospital room with her.

Dating Apps And The Swipe Exit

Compatibility Compromise And Identity

Leadership Expectations And Self Embarrassment

Structure Boundaries And The Trash Rule

Insecurity And Opposite Sex Friendships

SPEAKER_00 12:52

And best believe it, when she wakes up, I'm gonna not ask her, hey, well now that you're awake from your your coma, you mind if I go do a couple things? Like, what the freak, bro? Like that's that's my peace. That's my ride or die. That was a person who's always been there for me through through everything. We've been through so much together. And you think I'm just gonna bounce when she wakes up? That's crazy. Which tells me that you weren't fully invested into your relationship. So you said, you know, couple couple errands, what you gonna go see your plan B? This is what I'm talking about. So when you have that mindset that there's always an out, well, then you never need to actually fear any type of reciprocal reciprocal nature of being attacked in your relationship. Because you know, you can do and say stupid stuff like that without fear a repercussion because you know you have a plan B. And if she don't like it, what you're saying, you know, if she doesn't like what you're saying to her, then you're like, okay, well, it really doesn't matter because I can just go hang out with my plan B. And if that's the mindset you have, then you can't truly have a cohesive relationship. And that's where the that's really what I think the biggest issue is nowadays. And that's why I talked about with the dating apps, is that everybody has multiple people they're talking to. And they keep them, you know, they keep a list of one. So if something goes wrong with the current one they're talking to, they already know who's next. And that's the issue with the dating apps. Think about taking away the dating apps, okay? If you weren't using dating apps and you meet somebody, well, guess what you would have to do if you wanted to find another person? You would have to go back out into public and find somebody else. That takes far more effort than just being able to swipe. You can't really create a list of people when you have to go on in public. Can you? Yes, obviously. But it's far it takes far more effort to do that, and it's far more emotionally taxing because now you're having to do the whole process over and over and over again, and it takes a lot more emotional intelligence to be able to go out into public, riz up a girl, face to face, get the number, do the whole, you know, first week texting and talking thing, then you go on a date thing, and then if you like the date, go on a second date, and then if things don't work out, or if in but yeah, if things don't work out, then you have to go back out into public again and restart that whole process. That takes far more effort, and like I said, far more draining than just swiping and being able to text them immediately. So you're far less likely to have plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G when there's no dating apps. Yeah, do people still do it? And did people still do it? Yes, obviously. There is always going to be outliers and exceptions. But regardless if there's outliers or exceptions, it still takes more work. Therefore, you're far less likely to do it and you're far more likely to actually put effort into the relationship because out of fear of having to restart. But it's also that same fear that keeps people in relationships that aren't working. So instead of worrying about all this nonsensical stuff, you need to focus on making the relationship function. And how do you and how do you even do that? Can't two people who aren't compatible work? Yes, yes, they can, but it takes work. Well, people when when people talk about oh, relationships take work and it's hard work in a marriage, that's because they're with somebody who is incompatible. Okay I need you to understand this. If you believe in opposites attract, then you're going to end up probably with an opposite, more than likely. And what happens when you get with somebody who is the opposite of you? Do you expect it to be all rainbows? Or do you expect it to be some rainy days? It's probably gonna rain a lot. And then the more it rains, the more you're looking for plan B. That's just that's just the nature of it, dude. The more it rains, means less your needs are being met, the more you're gonna seek your needs outside of a relationship. That's just how it goes. So, how do you prevent this? Well, first of all, you need to find somebody who's compatible. That'll that'll eliminate 90% of your problems right there. Because at least while you're working on yourselves, you'll have things in common which will carry the relationship and make it not feel like it's hard work. Because you agree on a lot of the things in life. Now, if you're not with somebody, if you're not with somebody who is compatible, what you need to do is get really good at compromising. Because that's what you're gonna have to do a lot. And you only have to do this a lot until you start working on yourself and they start working on themselves, then you'll realize just how immature both of you have both of you have been about the situation, and then you'll realize that, hey, my compromise that I'm making or the thing that I'm sacrificing is for the betterment of the relationship. Therefore, why do I have such these words are escaping me today? Why do I have such frustrations about it? You know, why does it make me mad that I have to do this? And this all ties back into people's identity. Because when you have to stop doing something that you've been doing something, when you have to stop doing something that you've been doing for a very long time, years, it's one part of your identity. So it's like you're you feel like you're losing a piece of yourself. So when women get to relationships, and these women have been told that you know, you gotta be independent. I don't know no man, you don't need no man, you know, you you've all heard it. Well, when you get into a relationship and the guy is trying to lead, but you're an independent woman, you guys are gonna butt heads. And it's that and it's the you trying to remain independent, that's gonna cause friction in the The relationship. So that would be one of the things where you have to have a reality check, and it's like, okay, but why am I trying to remain independent? If me being less independent can help the relationship move forward. And I really want to be with this person, then why am I having such a hard time not being independent? And then you trace that route back to the source of the pain. That's how you overcome incompatible partners, spouses. I don't know what people call them nowadays. Whatever the freak you call them nowadays. That's how you overcome that stuff. The same thing with the guy. You know, a lot of guys don't really want to take leadership roles. But when you're in a in a relationship, I do believe there are certain things that a guy should do. And if you're a guy and you're and you're not used to doing those things, you'll say things like, well, it's not really a big deal, you know. But the issue is the embarrassment that it causes on the woman for having a guy that is not in charge. I'm telling you guys, it is embarrassing and it look it really does look bad. And I didn't realize that. I didn't realize how bad it looked until, you know, I started, well, I started seeing more about it and becoming more self-aware. And then I realized, like, whoa, this stuff is, bro, it's embarrassing. It it really does, I'm just thinking about it right now, it's freaking making my hair stick up. It feels disgusting. I'll give you an example. When we were in Georgia, okay, listen, I'm gonna get this out the way right now. I hate driving. I absolutely hate driving. Okay. And the irony of that is that that is one of the reasons that turned me off from wanting to apply to PSD. I'm gonna tell you guys right now. And this is what I'm talking about on why people don't ever move forward in life. Oh, this is you know, this is a perfect segue. Because I don't know if you watched the episode or when I was talking about self-imobilization. If you listen to that episode, in there, I talk about your brain talking you out of things that make you feel uncomfortable. And I used us going to salsa night to how to salsa as an example. Because I I've never danced before in my life. I I took one salsa class in Saudi Arabia, okay? And I remember how embarrassed I felt not knowing how to do it perfectly the first time. So when she told me, she's like, yeah, I got his tickets to go learn how to do salsa. Excuse me. I was like, oh my freaking god, bro. And here's the thing, I love dance. I love watching people dance. I think it's the coolest thing ever. When you're a good dancer, dude, it's just like you're mesmerized by how they move. It's like, bro, how the it's like, how did you even come to find out that you can do this? Like, and some people are just so good at dancing, bro, you just have to watch like TikTok dance videos. Uh I can't remember his name. I think it's Viz, I can't remember his name. But man, when I see him, he's like the best crumper I've ever seen. I'm like, bro. I was like, you need to be at the next step up. But, anyways. So she told me that. I was like, God dang it, bro. And it's like, bro, she got us tickets to go. And then they canceled the lesson, and part of me was so relieved, I was like, oh my god, thank God. But then she's like, okay, I I got him, I got us tickets at this other dance studio. I was like, God dang it, bro. And I was like, okay. And I'm not gonna turn them down because she wanted to do it. So I was like, okay, well, if she wants to do it, then we're freaking doing it. I'm I'm gonna go regardless of how I feel about it. So we go. It's like a very professional dance studio, and these people have like award-winning dancers, and the instructors obviously are good then. So I remember, bro, I was just so stiff. In my head, my head, I was like, man, I don't want to be here. I don't want to, I don't want to do this. And that that was what I'm talking about when it comes to self-immobilization. Because my brain was telling me that I don't want to do it, I don't want to be here, it wasn't allowing my body to move in the ways that it was supposed to be moving out of fear of embarrassment for not knowing how to do it. So it really kept me from loosening up and actually enjoying the lesson. So after that lesson, the other dance studio had they they texted her and rescheduled. So we went to that one. And when I got there, I was like, you know what? Let me just let me relax a little bit. And then I started to relax throughout the lesson, and eventually I relaxed enough to where we actually were able to do, we did Saw Sun, and we were actually able to do like the dance on our own for a couple minutes to where we're actually in sync and moving and flowing. I was like, man, hit that flow state, and I was like, man, this is it right here. I'm actually doing it. But that's because I was able to relax and just say, like, why are you embarrassed? Like, bro, you're nobody's expecting you to be perfect at salsa. That's why you're here learning it. And so when I was telling myself that, and I relaxed, is that I was able actually to grasp the lesson and dance. So that's what I'm talking about when it comes to self-immobilization, and some people do that when it comes to things that they don't aren't comfortable with doing. And when you're not comfortable with doing things, you're going to try to talk your way out of things. And so that's why I'm saying with PSD, I almost talked myself out of not signing up because I read the description, it says you're gonna be a driver. And that's like I don't want to be a glorified taxi driver to a general. That'd be freaking, that doesn't sound fun at all. But, you know, after sending her, it's like, you know what, just do it. And so I did it. And that comes full circle because you know I drove for three years. And that comes full circle to what I was talking about for embarrassment is when we were in Georgia, the first year, and drive it while I hit driving. She drove for the first year of us being in Georgia. She drove us everywhere. And bro, looking back on it right now, I'm cringing right now. I'm cringing right now. Looking back on how cringe it was to see a woman getting out of the driver's seat and a man getting out of the passenger seat. Oh my freaking God, dude. It makes me want to throw up. That's embarrassing. It is embarrassing. So it's certain things that I believe a guy should do, and I believe the guy should drive. I now I now fully 100% believe that. So when it comes to relationships, you know, there are things that a guy should do. And there's things in a relationship that a woman should do. And when you have that when you're in sync and both of you are doing your roles, like I said, guys that want to take leadership. And if you don't want to take leadership, that can lead to the woman having to take on more responsibility because now she has to fulfill the masculine role, but at the same time, you want her to fulfill the feminine role as well. Well, trying to do dual roles like that, how much emotional weight do you think that carries if she's making all the decisions and having to be a female at the same time? That's a lot of work. And that's why a lot of single mothers are so emotionally overwhelmed because they're fulfilling literally both roles, and we're not meant. We don't have the capacity to sustain that long term without taking damage. That's why you need a father and a mother. If you didn't need both, then these single mom and single dad households would be thriving. But you need both. That you can learn when you have both parents, and then you can actually watch and see the dynamic between the two. So when things when when things are, it causes issues in the relationship. And you perceive those issues as something wrong with the relationship. And so, for example, the guy not wanting to take a leadership role, now he's upset because his wife is, you know, taking on the masculine role, trying to lead, saying that we need to do this, we need to get this done, you need to do this, you need to get this done. And he's he doesn't realize that the only reason why she's telling him what to do and saying what needs to get done and doing everything is because he won't do it. And but he's mad at her because she is doing it. So when the when your reception is, and a lot of people say this, and it could be true to some extent, but when a lot of men are like, oh, my wife is always nagging me. You know, okay, is she actually nagging you, or is it because you're not doing what you're supposed to do? That's where the that's where the real issue comes. Because there's always two sides of the story. And a lot of times, you know, it could be nagging, sure. But if you are doing what you're supposed to do, there won't really be any nagging because it's done. That makes sense. So if you come home and you're the guy, and you know, you're supposed to take out the trash, because it's just a manly thing to do, and you don't take out the trash, and it just sits there and you're just gaming, then your wife gets off work, and sometimes and she's like, hey, you gonna take out the trash? And you're like, yo, can you stop nagging me? Is that really her nagging you? Or her just telling you to take out the trash when you should have already taken out the trash. But now, because you didn't take out the trash, she has to say something about you taking out the trash. And then it turned into a big old fight when it shouldn't have been, when it should have all been avoided, because you should have taken out the trash. And that's where a lot of relationships really start to fall apart. It's because when you're not accepting responsibility for what you're supposed to be doing, and a lot of people say, Oh, I don't, I don't believe in the in these roles, or there shouldn't be any roles, or yada yada yada. Oh, okay. So there just shouldn't be any type of laws, rules, or written, or SOPs that people fall on in general. You just you're just gonna freaking wing your relationship. You know, a good relationship is built on a foundation, and that foundation is called structure. A good relationship is structurally sound, and that structure is those roles, those SOPs, standard operating procedures, the roles that people fulfill in those relationships. Because if you know your part, then there's an always there's always something you can look back to. Okay, just like in just like working out, just like in fitness, when we talk about biofeedback, talk about tracking your weights. When you have a food log, when you have a journal, there's things that we can look back to and say, okay, this is why the error happened. This is why you weren't able to progress. This is why you weren't able to lose weight. We have all that data, we can look back to it. So there's never any real reason to have an argument or have some type of mental breakdown because you can physically see the issue. That is the that is what roles and structure allows you to do in a relationship. As your job as a man in the relationship is to take out the trash, there's never a reason that you're that you should even have an argument with your wife about taking out the trash because it's your job. Does that make sense? Because now it's your job, so your wife will really can't say anything to you about it because she doesn't have to worry about it anymore. Now, if she wants it done at a certain time where you or you make a or you're supposed to have it done at a certain time, and you don't get it done at that time, and then she says something, okay, that's a different story. And then you'll probably be like, well, it's not really that big a deal. I'll just do it. It's my job, I'll do it whenever I feel like doing it. That's how most men will respond to that. But that's when you that's when it comes in the whole emotional intelligence piece, but like, okay, do I really want to turn taking out the trash into an argument? No. So what do you do? You just get up and take it out. But you can look back. So she comes home and the trash is full and it's overflowing. Now we know that because already established that it's the man's role to take out the trash. Now we can point back to okay, well, we decided that we're gonna take out the trash and it's overflowing. So can you please take out the trash? So that's why we that's why we have roles, you know? That's why you have structure in your relationship. It gives you the ability to define who's at fault. Because when you can't define who's at fault and both people are denying that it's their fault, that's when you have the issues. You can't have issues if you are supposed to do it and you don't do it, and I say something about it. So that's that's really for all the people that really want to be like, well, you know, I don't I don't believe in gender roles or excuse me. It's like, okay. Then have then wing your relationship and have no type of structure and have no standards, have no boundaries, and just wing it. Let me know how that goes for you. Oh. I can tell you how it's gonna go. That's what these that's what most people do nowadays. They don't have any type of structure and boundaries. They just like let their partner, let their wife, let their spouse. I don't know. I don't know why I keep having such a hard time. I don't I I feel like saying partner just sounds so weird. But that's like the easiest thing that comes to mind. Is let them do whatever they want to do because you have toxic empathy. That's really that's really what it comes down to. It's like, oh, well, I don't want to tell them what they can and can't do. And, you know, they say stuff like that. And here's the thing. Here's the thing. And I'm a big advocate for this because I do believe it to an extent. It's their life, and you can't tell them what they can and can't do. You can't. That's just how it is. You can't tell somebody else what they can and can't do. So they have a female friend that you don't like. You can't tell them. You can't, but you can't make them not talk to this person. You can't make them not hang out with this person. You can't. So instead, what what they what women do is like, oh, you know, here's his friend, and I asked him if he could stop hanging out with her, and he said that he's not going to because I don't have to worry. And you know, I trust him, so you know, I'm not gonna No, that's on you. That's that's fine. If you trust your man to hang out with a female friend, that is fine. There's no there's no issue with that. The issue is, okay, first of all, why don't you want him hanging out with a female friend? Okay, we need to get to the root of that. Why what and this is this is what I'm saying, you're gonna come, you gotta come to yourself with honesty. Is she more attractive than you?

SPEAKER_01 43:01

Do they have more chemistry than you too?

SPEAKER_00 43:05

Is she more feminine than you? Is she in a higher paying job than you? These are things that you gotta get to to why you don't want him hanging around another female. Because a lot of females say, Oh, I don't want my man hanging around another female. Okay, but what if she was 300 pounds and looked like a pig? Would you still have the same issues? Yeah, probably not. Okay, so we need to get to the actual reason why you don't want him to hang out around another female. Because I don't, I don't, I do not care. I do not believe that it's an issue for a man to hang out with another female when he's married. I don't think it's a Issue. But that's coming from my emotional tellingness of doing the work and understanding how the process works when it comes to men and females and having platonic relationships. Because hanging out with another female is fine. The issue arises when you start to see those signs of them taking steps towards progressing that relationship to something past friendship. That's when you have the right to say something. Because hanging out with them, going out to eat, being friends is not the issue. It's when that friendship evolves into okay, they're starting to flirt more. You know, he's starting to hide his phone from me. He's starting to spend more time with her. Or he's canceling on me and spending time with her. Now you now you say something. But if there, if guy has a a coworker at work and she's female, and they have work banter, and they're work friends, and occasionally he goes out to eat lunch with her while he's at work. Bro, I don't see the issue with that. People uh and I think it's because people want to want to jump to the extreme because of their own insecurities, and they want to label everything cheating. Everything has to be cheating nowadays because they don't know how to deal with their own insecurities and their own inadequacies. So they just label everything cheating so that way they have that safety net when something happens. But oh, he's cheating on me, you know? He went to Chipotle with his his girl, with his friend from work. It's like, bro, is that really cheating? So, like, what is what is the extent of that? So if he goes to the restaurant and talks to the hostess and she's a female, is that cheating? You see how stupid that gets? So instead of just labeling everything cheating because of your own insecurities, you need to have some type of understanding of why it actually bothers you to begin with. Because a lot of women have the expectation that their man is gonna spend 24-7 with them, and that's just not realistic. If he's doing his role in fulfilling his part of the relationship and being a man, providing, protecting, and you feel safe, you feel comfortable, you guys are having an amazing relationship. You guys do things together, you spend time together, the intimacy is there, everything is working perfectly. And he wants to go out to eat with his coworker that he's been working there for four years and they've been friends since he's been there. And then now all of a sudden you have an issue. Is that him thing or you think? And like I said, you have to understand why you are having this issue to begin with. It's deeper, it's a deep-rooted issue, and most of the time it stems from insecurities. Like I just said, and that's why they label it cheating, and that's why they have an issue. I don't have an issue. When Stephanie goes to Puerto Rico, her hometown friend that she's known since she was little, 13, I think, they work out together. They go out to eat together. I do not care. There's no issue, I think there's any insecurity, and I'm not worried about my wife doing something. She's hung out with all her friends back from when she was younger when she goes to Puerto Rico. And you think I'm at home sitting here freaking stressing out. Oh my gosh, she's cheating on me. She's probably sleeping with them. No. Because I know I know our relationship is good. I have no issues. But I'm also not insecure, and that's what I'm talking about.

Know Your Why And Break The Pattern

SPEAKER_01 48:54

You gotta understand where it's coming from. But dang, I've been talking for a hot minute.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

I think I'm gonna leave it right there. I know that's kind of like an abrupt stop to the episode. But like I said, I didn't really have a topic, so that's what happens. So I just started rambling away. But yeah, just uh just to finish off this piece and I'll end it right here. Just think about when you're in a relationship, you need to think about what you really are wanting out of the relationship. And then you need to understand and come to a conclusion of why you're in the relationship. That's more important. Because once you have the why you're in the relationship, you will understand what you want out of the relationship. And like I said, when people get into relationships, out of the fear of being alone, that is gonna be a completely different looking relationship than getting into a relationship because you want to be with somebody and settle down. There's a clear distinction between those two, and those two relationships are gonna function completely different. Out of fear of being alone, you're far more reckless in the relationship. And you'll do things out of desperation. If you have, if you're in a relationship because you want to settle down, you're going to put your 100% effort into because you don't want to worry about having to find somebody else because you don't want to waste any more time. So you're gonna make sure you don't, you're not gonna have these plan B's, C, D's, and E's and F's. You're gonna cut them all off. You're gonna put all your eggs in the basket, and you're gonna make sure that you're doing everything you need to to make sure it works. And that's why I say it's important to understand who you are as a person. Because you know who you are as a person, now you can apply those SOPs, you can apply those rules, you can apply those structures to your relationship, and then be able to function within those. Because there's there's a difference between knowing what you want on paper, okay, you can write all that out, but until you know who you are as a person, it doesn't matter what you write on that paper.

SPEAKER_01 51:46

So it all leads back to that.

Final Ask And Sign Off

SPEAKER_00 51:49

Okay, and that's why I recommend that you get to know yourself first, understand who you are as a person, and then once you know who you are and understand who you are as a person, you will then fully understand what you are looking for out of another person. And once you understand who you are as a person, you're not gonna be looking for somebody to be with just because you are alone. Because then you'll realize just the damage that can do to somebody, and then you'll look back on your past relationships, you know, keeping that journal biofeedback, and say, okay, wow, I really did have a record of dating the same chaotic men or dating the same chaotic women that mimicked my own chaotic energy. That's like when you see a lot of these females or men, I'm like, oh, their exes look the same and act the same. Well, there's a reason for that. That's what they know. And they know that this type of person, you know, like I said, it all deals with dopamine, and they get that initial dopamine hit from the honeymoon phase every time they start over. And they're just chasing that feeling of feeling good. And then as soon as that fades in the relationship, find the next one. And they continue down that pattern until they hit that 200 out of 10 moment, referring back to my last episode, 200 out of 10 moment, and then they decide to change and they change their life, figure out who they are, and then they find somebody who is compatible because they understand that being compatible is far more easier than incompatible relationships. And then it just smooth selling. So, yeah. If you like this episode, don't forget to like, comment, and share and leave that five star review. Until next time.