Is Your Partner Making Your Diet Harder? 10 Things I’d Tell You

On today's episode of Transformation Talks, we'll get into an incredibly underdiscussed dieting topic: what to do if your partner is making your diet harder, intentionally or not.

Here's the sample weekend toolbox you'll hear me mention: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Kt9QMMBf0ERP5qrQwNvafnROBfgUoe7FPPiCzYPiK2s/edit?usp=sharing

Get personalized help and guidance with dieting challenges like these here: https://samforget.com/coaching/

Any other thoughts or questions, my inbox is always open: mail@samforget.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Welcome back to another episode of Transformation Talks. I'm your host, Sam 4J, and today we're going to be discussing the what I feel is a criminally underdiscussed topic in the health and fitness space, and that is how to navigate the scenario where you are dieting, but your partner is not. And that is making it more difficult for you to stick to your plan. And the reason why this is top of mind is because I just had three clients start in my program, and all three of them, either on their uh initial coaching application or on their intake form, mentioned their partner as a an ongoing or potential challenge when it comes to sticking to their plan. And this is not a knock on anybody's partner, of course. Oftentimes the uh the challenges, the friction points are very well-intentioned, like kind-spirited. It's you stick to your plan the entire day. You, you know, the day is coming to a close, you go sit on the couch after dinner to watch a movie, and your partner walks in with a bowl of ice cream or you know, a bag of chips that you didn't ask for. So it could be something like that, but then ranging all the way from more direct discouragement and negativity that can obviously be very disheartening, very challenging. So um again, this stuff comes up all the time. I would say conservatively on more than 50% of coaching applications or intake forms, or you know, once we get underway with coaching, it's okay, I stuck to my plan, but then my partner did this or suggested this, or you know, I got into this situation. So again, it's extremely common and not something I dec not something that I see discussed a lot in the health and fitness space. So I figured, why not do what is an overdue podcast on this? Uh, more specifically, 10 things that I would tell you if this is the situation that you're in right now. You have weight loss goals, you're dieting, your partner is not on the same page. Uh, that doesn't mean they're necessarily going out of their way to sabotage you, but intentionally or not, it is making things more difficult. And I did actually jot down a handful of other examples that will likely resonate with you. Uh, you know, things that come up all the time on whether it's applications, intake forms, or client check-ins, things like, you know, your partner bringing home foods and snacks that do not align with your goals. So your direct home environment is making things more challenging. You are forced to utilize willpower a lot more. They're kind enough to cook a lot of your dinners, but they tend to be very generous with the amount of oils and fats that they're using. Surprising you with dessert and snacks, whether they pick something up on the way home, the example I gave a few moments ago, where okay, you nailed your plan for the day, you migrate to the couch to watch a little Netflix before bed, and they enter the room with something that you did not plan for, that you did not ask for. Surprising you with takeout, ordering, um, excuse me. Yeah, surprising you with uh takeout or suggest suggesting, excuse me, ordering takeout. So now you either have to say no, you have to work something in your plan that you didn't actually plan for. Um, you know, maybe you're looking at a thousand to twelve hundred calorie meal in front of you. Yes, that could be the case, and often is the case, even if something's healthy. So just unexpected challenges like that. And then we kind of move along the spectrum to more uh, I would say, direct dieting deterrence, things like assuring you that you don't need to lose weight, you're fine as is, you don't need to be doing this, come on. And that could be, like I like I mentioned here, that could be like a very um kind spirited the phrasing that I'm looking for. Just like, hey, you're good, don't feel like you need to be dieting, or something that creeps a little more into the like, do you really need to be dieting? You're fine, that sort of thing. Telling you it's just one meal, like, don't you get a cheat day on this diet? You've been good all week. You deserve it, you can get back on track tomorrow. And then again, you're having to utilize even more willpower. It's easy to start mentally negotiating when you're hearing that sort of thing. Maybe they're actually getting offended or visibly frustrated or annoyed when you're not having what they have, whether it's something they uh they got for you or they brought over that you didn't ask for. Maybe you're at a restaurant they chose to drink, you're choosing not to drink because that makes far more sense for your goals. And again, they're they're visibly annoyed by that in some way, or I'd say something to you. Maybe you're getting those sort of reactions when you're using a food scale, or you are suggesting more homemade meals. They feel like, all right, there's an actual routine or lifestyle change that they're not particularly thrilled about, even though it's what makes sense for you and your goals. Or I'd say, you know, all the way at the other end of the or at the farthest end of the spectrum would be a very direct, um, you know, very direct comment about stopping your diet. They're not thrilled about that. You know, they're actively sabotaging you, they're being negative, they're making comments, they're annoyed. So all the way on the other side of the spectrum of like this is a major hurdle for you to navigate. And I see that all. I see the full spectrum. Anything from the um the thoughtful little snack that you didn't ask for, but you don't have 400 calories to spare, to the more direct negativity that can make things really challenging. So if any or all of those resonated with you, and I have a feeling at least some might, because like I said, this comes up all the time with clients, then I want you to pay close, uh excuse me, pay close attention to these 10 things that I would tell you. If this is the situation that you're finding yourself in right now, your partner is intentionally or not making your diet harder. Number one, the first thing I would tell you is that you need to embrace the fact that your goals are not their responsibility in any way. Yeah, it's it's wonderful if they support you, but this whole journey is going to go a lot better if you take full ownership, complete and utter ownership of every single thing that you eat, of every single thing that you drink, and you do not outsource responsibility or blame in any way. And as we've just established, yeah, partners can absolutely think make things more difficult. But do you really want to be in the cycle where you are frequently negotiating your plan and not reaching your goals and lying some of that responsibility or blame at the feet of your partner? Would you rather just maintain that responsibility, that ownership? Yes, even if things are more difficult. And there's no denying that that is the case at times. But I'm gonna tell you right now that this whole journey is gonna go a lot better if you say, you know what, I am in complete control. I may face environmental challenges, I may face, you know, mood changes, I may face, you know, active pressure, deterrence, whatever it is, but I am still in control. I have full responsibility, nobody can take that from me. So I'm gonna tell you that right out of the gate. This is gonna go a lot better if you embrace that. Number two, second thing I tell you a proactive conversation can go a long way. You know, whether your partner is unintentionally or intentionally making things more difficult, just saying, hey, so some version of this. So I'm working on this thing right now. Here's why it's important to me. And here are the best ways to support me. Again, some version of that. Hey, I'm working on this thing right now. And by the way, you don't have to make like dieting your whole personality. And I I say that as like a friendly little nudge. Like you don't have to like frequently narrate the things that you're doing and talk about dieting all the time and make your partner feel like okay, this, this, this, this house, this home is just like this dieting thing now. No, just but just put it on somebody's radar. Somebody, your partner's radar, not a random person. Hey, I'm working on this thing right now. Maybe it's hey, I just signed up with a coach because I want to reach these goals. Here's why it's important to me. You know, it's gonna make me feel more confident. I really want to get my energy back up. I'm just gonna feel better overall. You know, maybe, maybe it's you want to set a good example for your kids. Maybe you want to just be more effective in the workplace, any combination of these. And then just here's how you can best support me, or I would appreciate if you supported me by doing andor not doing this. It could be something as simple as if if uh try that again in English. It could be something as simple as this is what happens when you have nine thoughts into your head at once, and then none of them get out because they're all fighting for the spot. It could be something as simple as it would actually be really helpful if you did not offer dessert or treat after dinner, just so I don't have to then use my willpower to say no to that thing. Okay, sure. And that's what most partners are going to say, of course. They might, some might push back a little bit, which is a separate conversation, but just hey, it would it would mean a lot to me if if you could support me in this way. Yeah, sure, cool. And then I will tell you right now that it's very likely that you need to periodically have that conversation again. I've worked with so many clients who have this conversation, things start out great, and then over time, people get a little bit more flexible. So it could be like, hey, I was making some good progress toward that goal. We've been getting a little bit more flexible. I really want to lock back in. Could I have your support in the form of whatever? And that's fine. So it's not like uh, you know, you're not putting somebody on their heels, you're not coming at them, you're not attacking them for their choices, it's nothing like that. It's like, hey, here's this thing I'm working on, here's why it's important to me, here's how you can support me. I'd appreciate it if you did this. That can be enormously helpful. And again, you will likely have to kind of uh have that, I was gonna say rehab, um, have that conversation again periodically. The third thing that I would tell you if your hurdle is that they do a lot of the cooking, is that you have a finite amount of options here. This is this is a big one. I actually hear this from a lot of people of okay, all of this stuff, the plan sounds great, but my partner does most of the cooking and you know, they don't measure anything. They use a ton of olive oil, they like to make things a certain way. Okay, if you're telling me that you have a finite amount of options, you could ask them to prep things differently. You know, every relationship's different in terms of how well that's gonna go over. Um, and I know it can be difficult to place requests when you're not the one actually making the meal. I can you can feel a little guilty for that, but I would say a lot of partners would be open to at least some modifications to the prep style. You can, of course, make more of the meals yourself. This is a classic, there's no real hack scenario. Like, again, there's a finite amount of options here. So you can ask them to prep things differently. You can take the reins on more of the meals yourself. You can, and this will be a little bit of a controversial one. You could prep more of your own foods in bulk in advance separately. And then when they're making whatever dinner they want, whatever very high fat, uh, high carb, high calorie thing they're having, you just pull whatever you already prepped out of the fridge and you sit with them and you eat. So the reason I say that is the most controversial suggestion is because I know for a fact that there are plenty of people in the fitness industry who would say that's disordered, that's unhealthy. You should be able to have, you know, whatever with your partner. And like if that's something that you really value is having the same exact thing that your partner's having, sure, you do you. Again, this is this is always going to be a person-to-person situation. Um, but also it could be not that deep. Just two adults making different decisions based on the different goals that they have, you know, the different things that they value. And I would argue that you don't need to have the same exact thing on your plate to be able to connect with your partner, have a great conversation about how your days went, what you're looking forward to that weekend, spending quality time together, phones down, all that sort of stuff. So, no, you don't have to do that, but just know that it's not as outrageous as a lot of the fitness industry and make it seem to have something different than your partner. It doesn't have to be that deep. Just two different people with two different priorities. That's fine. And then I would say the last option here is um planning around whatever they're making the same way you would for a restaurant meal. They don't measure anything. Uh, they're using a lot of fat sources, you know, the food choices themselves are more flexible. You basically have no choice but to, you know, plan the way you would plan for a restaurant meal. So, you know, at your other two to three meals, getting most of your protein and fiber for the day, knowing that the meal your partner's making may not be as high in protein as fiber. Since you're ultimately gonna be guessing the portions, you would use um fairly big overestimations when you are planning for the thing that they're having. Or if there's somebody who's like, well, I don't know what I'm making at tonight. All right, again, it's like an unknown restaurant meal. You got to plan those other two meals really well, higher protein and fiber, lower in carbs and fats to stay on numerical offense for whatever they're having. But that's really it. That's the short list. Again, there's there's not always like a hack or workaround, and I wish I could come up with like a magical door number five, but you're basically looking at asking them to prep things differently, making more of the meals yourself, just taking the rein so you can make adjustments that make sense for you. Prepping something separate in advance. Again, this is really not gonna impact your ability to have a good conversation, connect all that stuff. And then the last thing is you just got to plan the way you would be planning for a restaurant meal. Assume that it's higher calorie than expected, you know, more fat and carb dense. So your other meals have to be really, really on point. And then you got to do your best to guess with whatever they made for dinner. That is that is a short list. Again, I really wish I could come up with like, you could also do this, but that is basically it. The fourth thing that I would tell you, you may need to, and it would probably benefit you to set some sort of, I don't know if boundaries is the right uh right word here, but boundaries or expectations. Like, hey, for the time being, it would be great if we could have, you know, one meal out per week, one restaurant meal per week, or like, hey, just so you're aware, like I'm not gonna be drinking for the time being. I may revisit it post-diet, reintroduce the occasional drink, but you know, from a lifestyle perspective, just expectation-wise, um, you know, this is kind of you know how I would like to approach things right now. Um, and just putting that on somebody's radar early. And I know that's very similar to the second thing that I mentioned of, you know, having a proactive conversation. But I would say this specifically is more of like a boundary expectation thing, just getting more clear on like, hey, here's what I'm game for, here's what I'm not game for. I don't want to be eating out three, four times a week. I'll feel a lot better if I don't. It'll be way easier to reach my goal. So getting more clear on like, hey, here's how I'd I'd love for things to go down. And this doesn't mean that you have to, you know, force your partner to sit in the corner with a rice cake and you know, never enjoy life, but again, probably some sort of expectationslash boundary setting of here's what I'm game for, here's what I'm not, is gonna make sense. The fifth thing that I would tell you, and this is a big one, you have to get over the idea of quote unquote letting them eat or drink something on their own. Uh, and I see this or I hear about this the most at restaurants of like, oh, I didn't want them to be the only one eating dessert by themselves, or as if that's the worst thing in the world. Um, and again, this is a little bit of a friendly kick in the butt here, or like, you know, I didn't want to, you know, let them be the only person drinking. Like I didn't want to make them feel bad or have it be uncomfortable or weird, whatever. They're an adult. If they want uh, you know, whatever dessert after dinner, if they want to drink and you're not drinking, they go right ahead and do that. You know, nobody's stopping you. And just like your goals are not their responsibility, yes, it's great if partners can support each other, but ultimately your goals are not their responsibility. At the same time, it's not your responsibility to deviate from the thing that's gonna make you feel best, that's gonna help you lose weight, that's gonna help you get healthier, just to make them feel more comfortable, which is their responsibility with whatever drinks or dessert or snacks or whatever they're having. So I'm telling you right now, you got to embrace the fact that we're two adults here, we can make different decisions, and I don't have to make a different decision that doesn't make sense for me, because otherwise it'd be letting them eat or drink something on their own. They're okay. They can enjoy ice cream in peace, and you not having it should not affect them in any way. So, again, a little bit of a friendly nudge there, but I do see this a lot. Number six, and this is a tough one for a lot of people, you probably shouldn't be splitting things 50-50. Um, I mean, it's just again a two people, two different goals scenario. Um, you know, to give a more specific example, it's it's very common that I'm working with a woman whose maintenance calories are maybe 1800. She's married to some guy who you know has a labor-intensive job. He's 200 something pounds, he maintains on 3,000 calories per day. But then when it comes to meals at home, takeout, restaurants, et cetera, I understand the desire to, you know, you have a small pizza, okay, you get two slices, I get two slices, that sort of thing. And that makes sense just like more broadly, of like, yeah, well, generally, let's split this, let's split that. But if your maintenance calories are 1800 and your partner's main uh maintenance calories are 3,000, you don't have the same budgets to work with. Those things are going to impact you in very different ways. Um, picture it almost like having two different salaries to work with. If you guys, you know, go on the same trip and one person is making $400,000 a year and one person is making $60,000 a year. Probably doesn't make sense to be making the same purchases, going, you know, fit, you know, identical things, going 50-50 on things. So I would embrace the fact right now that it's not going to be a 50-50 scenario. I know that may seem unfair. Um, and it absolutely is. I'd be not thrilled as well if I were having, you know, 30% of the things or 20% of the things, but that's the reality of it. Different people with uh different goals, different energy needs, 50-50 is probably not the wisest thing in most situations. Number seven, this might bring some stuff up for them, um, like emotionally speaking, whether it's it's very top of mind for them of not, oftentimes it's something they're not even necessarily cognizant of. But if we go back to the very beginning of this podcast where I mentioned a lot of the challenges, and especially the more again direct ones, the comments that people will make, the, you know, uh like for food pushing is a big one, of course. Like, come on, just have this, you know, can't you have that? Whatever. A lot of that comes from a place of insecurity. And of course, I'm not trying to play therapist or relationship counselor here, but generally speaking, when it comes to why somebody might discourage somebody else from dieting or making certain food decisions, it's often because that makes them feel uncomfortable with their decisions, the things that they are doing, maybe where their body composition is currently at, their inability to stick to the type of thing that you are currently doing. Maybe it's a fear of almost like getting left behind in some way. Again, I'm I'm not trying to play therapist here. This is me. Um uh I don't say regurgitating, that feels like an aggressive word, but sharing a lot of the uh the things that I've discussed with clients that have eventually come up in conversations with their partners, and then things I just see across the board with dieting in general. It again, for number seven, this will likely bring some stuff up for them. So, okay, what do we do with that information? I would say that is helpful to keep in mind for not taking things personally. So if they do push a little bit, again, you don't have to be like, oh, you're insecure. Again, I'm not saying come at somebody, put them on their heels like that, but just almost a mental note of, oh, okay, this could be bringing something up for them. And then of course, ideally they get to the bottom of what is coming up for them. And then if and when you're able to have that discussion, you can then support them the same way that you asked for support with uh point number two that I shared of having a proactive conversation where you ask for support. So, you know, you know, it again, this would look a lot of different ways depending on what their specific hurdle is, but just be aware that it might bring some stuff up for them. Um, it generally has very little to do with you. It's usually a personal insecurity thing, or I should say it's often a personal insecurity thing. But when you have the opportunity, you'll be able to support them and assure them in whatever form that they need. Number eight, and this is this is very closely tied to number seven. I do not recommend, in most cases, actively trying to get them to join you on whatever plan you're on, on whatever diet you're on for a variety of reasons. So, what immediately comes to mind would be um uh nobody wants to feel under the microscope, like, oh, my partner, you know, thinks I'm this or doesn't think I'm that, or you know, they think I eat too much. Nobody wants to feel like they're sitting across from somebody who is judging them or thinking less of them, even if you have super good intentions of like, Sam, I literally I just want my partner. Partner to get healthy, the direction they're trending in is not great. And I want to make sure we have a long, happy, healthy life. I hear that all the time. I just rarely see it work out where a uh direct and certainly not like ongoing comments and conversations work out super well. So, okay, what do you do if you would like your partner to be on the same page, especially from a health perspective, if they're just not prioritizing things the way that you are? That's where I'd say a couple of things. Um leading by example, of course. Um, and like I said earlier in the episode, you you kind of lead in silence, like do what makes sense for you. And I, you don't have to narrow what you're doing and make dieting like this big part of your personality, a big part of the household, but you lead by example, and then ideally they'll see, you know, maybe how great you look, you know, how how you are feeling. Like you just you seem to feel great on a daily basis, plenty of energy, how you know, how the uh your efforts are changing your life. And then yeah, I ideally they follow your lead. Um, obviously supporting them whenever they do participate. I mean, not over the top, like, yay, you ate an apple, keep it up, honey. Not, you know, that sort of over the top thing, but just like, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, that's great that you went for a run. Do you want to do that again this weekend? So, like, continue, or excuse me, next weekend. So continuing that sort of momentum, you could be bringing healthier things into the house. You could be prepping more things in advance. So it's easier for them, it's lower friction for them to make similarly healthy choices. You could be suggesting healthier, more active activities. We'll get to that in a moment, but it does ultimately come down to leading by example, showing support where you can, making their journey lower friction without making it a thing. But in terms of like the super direct, like let's do this diet together. I just I don't always see that work well when it's not initiated from the person, when it's more intrinsic. Number nine, this is a great opportunity to explore other date ideas and social outlets that do not revolve around food and drinks. So I can list a lot here. And actually, one of the first things I do with most of my clients is have them build out a toolbox of non-food and drink activities that either they can do personally, that way every time you're looking for stress relief, every time you're looking for fun, you're not just immediately turning to food and drinks every time. But then also so you and your partner aren't in that same cycle where every single date night is a restaurant with a 1,500 uh 1,500 to 2,000 calorie meal. So again, I could list a lot right here, but I think for the sake of uh brevity with this episode, what I'm gonna do is actually include a link in the show notes to a sample weekend toolbox that I give my clients in my private email list that includes 37 things you can do. And I said on the weekend, but you can do it anytime to relax and have fun that do not revolve around eating or drinking. And basically any of these you can do solo or you can do with your partner. So I think this is actually, you know, you dieting can be a really great opportunity for both of you to get a little bit more creative with how you're spending time together or not just default to, you know, the same restaurant rotation, you know, the same um flexible Friday or Saturday nights that leave you feeling a little bluff on Saturday or Sunday morning. So there's an opportunity in here. And again, I'll include the link to this in the show notes so you can start to build out your own toolbox. And what I would say is come up with your own ideas first and then ask your partner what they think, what interests them. Like, hey, I'd love to, and again, you don't have to make it dieting centric. It can just be like, hey, I'd love to branch out a bit and do some other things besides just restaurants. Like, would you be into any of this? Like, what else would you want to do? And I'm not saying never go to a restaurant, never share a glass of wine with your partner, but things can get a little bit tricky if that's the only thing in rotation. And number 10, the last thing that I would tell you today is that I know I've shared a lot of like, I don't want to say tough love, but kind of like harsh truths and um, you know, the reality of dieting when your partner isn't. But for number 10, let's keep it a little bit lighter and I'll say, no pun intended, there is a light at the end of the tunnel here. You gotta keep in mind with any dieting protocol, there once you've reached your weight loss goals, you can then introduce or reintroduce a bit more flexibility. No, you cannot ever go back to what you were doing before that kind of got you into a jam in the first place and expect to maintain your results, but you'll be able to be at least somewhat more flexible. And then a lot of these challenges that we're going over won't be as much of a challenge. For example, you know, you finish a diet on 1400 calories. Over time, you work back up to 1900 for maintenance. That's very realistic. I hope a lot of my clients do that. Now, at the end of the night, when your partner brings in, say, chips that you didn't ask for, and there's 250 calories of chips in the bowl, it makes up a smaller percentage of your daily calorie budget. Things like that are easier to take in stride. So when you're navigating a lot of these challenges that I discussed at the beginning of the episode, and when I'm talking about, you know, these nine other, you know, whether you want to call them like realities or I mean, I know a lot of them are suggestions, but some of the, okay, I guess I just got to embrace that type of things. Keep in mind this point number 10. There is a light at the end of the tunnel where you can reintroduce some flexibility, you know, maybe go out to eat a bit more often, maybe have, you know, two glasses of wine here and there instead of one, the things that didn't necessarily make sense mid-diet. And I think that is extremely helpful to keep in mind, not only when you're just dieting in general, but also when you're navigating this stuff when you are in a relationship and you feel like there is at least some impact if for the better. It's a net positive, but at least some sort of impact on the relationship dynamic and your lifestyle. So let's very briefly recap these 10 things that I would tell you. If you are dieting and your partner is not, and that is making things more difficult for you. Number one, your goals are not their responsibility. Yes, it's great if they support you, but I do not recommend outsourcing any responsibility, any blame, even if they are making things harder. This whole journey will go better if you retain all the responsibility. I am in control of every single thing. I eat every single thing, I drink, and nobody can take it away from me. Some people, some partners might make it a little harder, sure, but ultimately I'm in control. Do not give up that power. Number two, proactive conversation can go a long way. Tell them what you're working toward. Tell them why it matters to you. This can really be the difference maker. Like, hey, this is why this is so important to me. And then make it super clear, gently, how they can support you, either by doing or not doing certain things. Number three, if your hurdle is that they do a lot of the cooking, you have a finite amount of options. You can ask them to prep things differently. You can take the reins and more the meals yourself. You can prep different things in advance. And you already know my spiel on how that's not inherently like disorder, unhealthy, or bad. You can still have a good conversation with your partner, even if they have fries on their plate and you have uh a salad on yours. You're you're okay. Or plan around what they make, like it's a restaurant meal. That's it. That's a short list. Number four, you may need to set some more clear boundaries. So, yes, with number two, I said, all right, ask for support and tell them what that looks like. But number four, some more clear, I guess, boundaries, uh, expectations, set some clearer lines in the sand of like, hey, this is how often I'm comfortable eating out right now. I won't be drinking for the time being, whatever it is. Number five, you have to get over the notion of letting them eat or drink something on their own. They're an adult with different goals than you, uh, different values. It is okay that they have a drink and you do not, that they get a dessert and you do not have, in some cases, any of it. Again, I'm almost like hesitant to say that because I know half the internet would be like, that's bad, but could make sense for your goals. So you got to get over the fact that you are two different adults with uh who value different things, and it's okay to make different decisions. You cannot be making decisions for the sake of not letting them have you know ice cream or alcohol on their own. They'll live, they'll be okay, I assure you. Number six, probably shouldn't be splitting things 50-50. If you're dieting, they're not. There's a good chance you have different calorie budgets. So just like two people in different financial situations, sometimes very different financial situations, probably shouldn't spend the same. It's the same thing with dieting when your partner's not different people, different energy needs. Number seven, this whole dieting thing might bring some stuff up for them. I would say it's very likely it does. And you'll know that if they if they do sabotage you a lot, whether it's playfully or whether it's like much more um negatively, whether it's more direct. And this can come from a place of them feeling insecure about where they're at, their inability to do. I mean, all again, this this applies to dieting in general, even when you're around other family, even when you're around friends, they're insecure, that you're doing something that they struggle with. Um, they feel like they might get left behind in some way. If you get leaner and healthier, there's a little bit of fear right there that you'll think less of them, that maybe they're judging them. Um, and like I said, what do you do with this information? Ideally, there comes a time when maybe they can come to certain conclusions about you know what they're feeling and why, and then you'll have the opportunity to support them in the same, you know, or offer assurance in the same way that you've asked of them. Number eight, I generally do not recommend actively asking them to like, let's diet and lose weight together. Um, and maybe they're on board, maybe they have the same goal. Sure, great, wonderful. But I would say in most cases things go dramatically better when that is an um an internally driven and intrinsic decision for that person. Um, you know, I would definitely start by leading by example. You know, ideally they'll see, here I am over-explaining things again. Um, I said I'd keep it short and sweet. So very, very succinctly here. Ideally, they'll see the changes that you're making, how they're positively impacting you. Maybe they'll want to kind of get a taste of that themselves. Um, you can make things easier for them in some way by changing the food environment at the house, by doing more things that don't just revolve around food and drinks. And then if necessary, yeah, you might eventually, if it's a health-based thing, you might need to eventually have to have a conversation, which is you know a topic in itself. And don't hesitate to email me about that or any of this stuff, by the way. Mail at samforger.com. I'd be happy to help. I work with a ton of people uh navigating all of these challenges that we're talking about. And I also work with a lot of couples, uh, which certainly makes things easier for both people. It's actually pretty typical that I'll work with one person in the relationship, and after a little while, they're seeing some success. And their partner's like, all right, like, let me see what this whole thing's about. And then boom, both people are on board, makes things way easier. So know that I'd be more than happy to help not only you navigate this, but your partner as well. It is, it is not uncommon that they eventually get on board. Number nine, this is a great opportunity to explore other date ideas and social outlets. I could list a ton, but again, for the sake of brevity, what I'll do is just include a link in the show notes to 37 things, many of them that you can do with your partner, and then you guys can team up on some other things and it'll give you some other stuff to look forward to. Number 10, last thing I'd tell you today, there's a light at the end of the tunnel where you can reintroduce some flexibility in a lot of these challenges that I've gone over, yeah, they can still be challenging, but less, you know, picture if that example I gave at the end of the episode, if or a few moments ago, where instead of having 1,400 calories where an unplanned bag of chips can erase half your deficit for the day, you have 1900 calories and you can actually take that in stride. And also, if you'd like help learning how to do that and not just be on this perma-diet, lowest calories possible at all times, I'd love to help. The way that I structure a dieting program or a diet plan for the clients that I work with, is we have a prep period, what I call the primer period, to set you up to have the smoothest diet possible where you're actually able to sustain your uh results after. Then we go into phase two out of three, the progress period, which is where the fat loss results happen. And that's where we we tackle a lot of these challenges that I'm going over today head on. And then phase three, this is the fun one. This is, well, I would make a case that there's fun involved in all of them, but um, phase three, what I call the practice period where you practice maintaining your results is very heavily tied to number 10 here, the light at the end of the tunnel. This is where I'll walk you through how to gradually wean off your diet in a structured way that does not cause you to rebound. You'll actually maintain the weight loss results, and then all of these challenges end up being less of a challenge. Um, so if you do want to talk more about that, you know how you can navigate the challenges that you're facing dieting when your partner is not. I know I gave a bazillion examples today, but if you want to discuss your specific situation a bit more, I'd be happy to chat. Mail at sam4j.com. I'll also include the link to my coaching page in the show notes in case you want to learn more about that. Um yeah, please know that I really am always happy to chat. Um, if you've listened to episodes before, you know that I mention it repeatedly in every episode, but it is by far my favorite way to spend my time, of course, coaching my clients and then just having conversations with people about, you know, what you're working toward, anything that might be giving you trouble, and then potential solutions. So again, do not hesitate to email me. I will include all the links to the show notes. And if you are dieting and your partner is not, and that has been challenging for you, I do hope that um you got some some helpful strategies from today's episode.