Drag Royalty 2: Moving, Healing, and Finding Home in Montana

In this episode, Kat and returning guest, Evelyn Garcia, discuss Evelyn’s journey of moving from Oregon to Montana and the personal growth, challenges, and discoveries that came with it. Evelyn shares her experiences adjusting to a new state, finding community, navigating career changes, and embracing her identity in unfamiliar surroundings. The conversation explores themes of resilience, self-discovery, and the importance of supportive relationships during major life transitions. 

Photography by Mary Williams - photography.by.mary.williams (Instagram)

Dorothy's Dolls - dorothysdollshelena (Instagram)

Transcript

Kat Garcia 0:06

Greetings and salutations. Welcome to, sorry. That's my inside voice. I'm your host Ka Garcia, and in today's episode we're talking about interstate moves and finding community in new places. With my friend and returning podcast guest, Evelyn Garcia, we get to talk about Evelyn's move from Oregon to Montana and her pending move from Montana to Washington. It's fun to go on adventures, and we get to hear all about some of Evelyn's most recent ones in this episode. Have fun listening. Hi friend. How are you?

Evelyn Garcia 0:34

Hi. I am good.

Kat Garcia 0:36

Let's see. So the last time when I saw you shared the episode today, but it's been a while since we've recorded right.

Evelyn Garcia 0:43

It has actually.

Kat Garcia 0:44

I was like hot damn. Well there's that whole, I decided to like become a hermit for a little while and go, yeah, I'm gonna totally record all the time. And then, you know, didn't

Evelyn Garcia 0:55

it lined up?

Kat Garcia 0:56

Holy shit. July 30th, 2023 is the last time we recorded.

Evelyn Garcia 1:01

Oh yeah. 'cause I moved to Montana end of August. Yeah, 25th. So we just like to record right before or right at like right around when you relocate your life. Yep.

Kat Garcia 1:14

So we're on par for like two years from now. We'll record again,

Evelyn Garcia 1:18

which is gonna be a very interesting time too.

Kat Garcia 1:22

Yeah. So tell me what, what is, what is, so you, you moved from Oregon to Montana, right?

Evelyn Garcia 1:31

Right. And I lived in Oregon. All like 31 years of my life before moving to Montana. So I got to celebrate like my first birthday out of state, and that was. You know, the beginning of money first. Um, in terms of like being in a new state, like everything was a first for me, like finding a new library and post office and grocery store, because those are the three most important things to me.

Kat Garcia 1:59

They're very important things. Definitely. What was, what do you wanna talk about? What was like the. The impetus for moving? Was it just ready for a change or,

Evelyn Garcia 2:13

um, I think it was like a twofold, so I, you know, I'm still with the same partner that I was from the original recording of this. Um, and we just were trying to figure out where life was in. I don't know if you are familiar with like, you know, people grow in discomfort and generally that's like a good sign that you need to, you've outgrown that space. Yes. So like. Professionally, I was, I was kind, I felt like I was struggling in my workplace, and I was like, well, I need a change. And coincidentally, my partner was like, well, I also need a change. He had opportunity to move outta state and go to school. And he had a shift in career completely. So he decided to pursue nursing. And the entire time of all of our, our relationship, it, you know, I've always described it as very secure. I'm not, forced by any means to do anything he wants. And so I have that power of choice and he told me, I am moving to Montana. I would love it if you came with me, however, I'm not forcing you. And I was like, yeah, let's do it.

Kat Garcia 3:18

That's what a great partner and like just understanding that independence is important, but so is communication. Like that's huge.

Evelyn Garcia 3:31

And it, it, it taught me a lot because in Oregon everything was safe. I had my friends, I had my community, I had my people I can go to. And then, um, moving to Montana, I, I felt like I lost that. Like I grieved all of those people because I didn't have them readily. And, um, it was a huge, huge. Growing point for me where I had to learn to make friends all over again. And you know, I'm moving from a state that, you know, maybe I had rose tinted glasses or rainbow tinted glasses. Like I saw my community, my queer people everywhere. Going to a state where I'm like, I know no one, I dunno how safe it is to be out. I dunno how safe it is to be a queer like person of color.

Kat Garcia 4:18

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 4:20

And I, I was nervous and, you know, my partner and I had a huge discussion as to like what was gonna be safe for me and how I could continue finding these spaces that, um, before we moved, he kind of started before me. So he came at the tail end of, um, Montana Pride for the town that we lived in. And he, you know, came back to Oregon to pick me up so we can load the moving truck. And he gave me, uh, like a brochure and it was like all the queer friendly places that I could go to.

Kat Garcia 4:54

I fucking love that. He is a rock star. I love that. So hard for you.

Evelyn Garcia 5:00

And you know, he's like, I found this. I did not go to these spaces for you, but just know that these are what the town considers to be safe spaces for you. And I had, um. Ventured into doing like poll for, for just another form of self-expression. Yeah. And he's like, there's a pole studio in town if you wanna check it out. And that honestly was like the big turning point for me. I found this dance studio that not only offered poll, um, but the studio owner had what's called, uh, circus insurance. Oh. So not only did this studio do pole, but it also did lira and it also did silks.

Kat Garcia 5:44

I, I dated somebody many, many moons ago whose sibling did the silk aerial stuff.

Evelyn Garcia 5:51

Yep.

Kat Garcia 5:51

And I was like, this is so cool. I'm like, I can barely walk in a straight line without running into the air. So I'm like, I myself will not be joining, but I will appreciate watching the people who do.

Evelyn Garcia 6:07

And that's honestly what happened. Like I. I didn't, I came to Montana not knowing a single person. I also came without a job.

Kat Garcia 6:17

I don't think I realized that. I don't think I realized that. How was that change for you?

Evelyn Garcia 6:22

Like It was hard.

Kat Garcia 6:24

Oh my gosh. That would be scary too. Like, holy fuck.

Evelyn Garcia 6:27

I left my last job feeling very. Beaten down and very, um, unsure of my skills. I used to feel very confident that I'm personable. I can, you know, gain new skills. And I left that job going. People don't like me. I'm not likable, therefore, I don't have skills to learn. And it, it was very hard for me to get out of that. And I was. I was struggling with myself at the beginning. Um, and my partner's like, you know, you have these skills, like don't settle for, you know, a coffee shop, as just a job to get you by, like, go find something and throw your hat in these spaces where you find joy, which landed me in child welfare.

Kat Garcia 7:13

Yes. And that has been, that has been an interesting transition for you, I would imagine. 'cause you were doing like. Behavioral healthy, like social service related things before, but not in the

Evelyn Garcia 7:27

nonprofit sector. Yeah. Yeah. So I, it was a huge shift I was doing, in the last line of work that I did, it was called, child welfare deflection. So we did all the preventative work.

Kat Garcia 7:39

Okay.

Evelyn Garcia 7:39

Whereas I took a shift and now I'm working with families, so I got pulled into child welfare systems. And that was tricky. It validated me and also invalidated a lot of feelings where I didn't feel I was good enough to work in child welfare in Oregon, and I immediately got the job. I technically got two different offers in Montana.

Kat Garcia 8:00

That's amazing.

Evelyn Garcia 8:02

It was great, but I was like, is it because I'm brown and I'm fitting a quota? Or do I have the skills right?

Kat Garcia 8:09

And then now as you're, 'cause you're leaving that role and you're moving again. Do you feel, you're just like, you're, the up and going, I love it. But do you feel like, do you feel different about it now that they did hire you because of your skills, not just because you're brown?

Evelyn Garcia 8:28

Yes, I, so I noticed that I am very personable and I do work with folks in a like nonviolent communication type way. Where. Unfortunately, like the stigma with child welfare and a lot of folks not liking our involvement I had to, you know, meet people where they're at in the old line of work thinking, where I was like, it sucks, but we're involved now and you have to dig yourself out and here are the skills and the resources that are available. All you have to do is take it right. I am not judging you, I'm walking alongside you. And um, you know, I was very fortunate in the almost two years of working there, um, most of my cases ended with the parents getting back with their children. So reunification.

Kat Garcia 9:17

That's awesome.

Evelyn Garcia 9:19

And I had a few of my cases go into guardianship. So even if the parents weren't successful, the kids still had a safe place to go to.

Kat Garcia 9:27

Very cool. And that's, I mean, that's the side I think of child welfare that isn't, isn't what we hear about, you know? Yeah. It's, it's all the, oh, you know, it's neglect, it's mm-hmm. Detrimental and, and all of those things. So to get to hear that side of it and get to like witness that through, through following along with your journey has been really cool. Um. Because also being social services adjacent. Mm-hmm. You know, we all kind of go, what are you doing? How's, how's that working? Oh, okay, okay. You know, that kind of stuff.

Evelyn Garcia 10:10

And I think what was really nice for me, for a lot of my families, I mean they, our first meeting is like cursing at me and mm-hmm. You know, you guys are the worst people. And I was like, whoa, I'm not the enemy. Even though right now, in the moment I feel like I am to you. Um, like I, I got to share my 2 cents. When I was, um, 14, my mom took in six brothers and sisters that I always knew as cousins, um, in our home. Came to find out many moons later were not related at all. Oh wow. So we were what's considered a kinship placement, and I got to see, um, the good and the bad and the ugly of that entire case. You know, mom was not successful. There was a lot more, um, like legal issues that I didn't know about. Didn't understand about that. Um, the upper four siblings aged out of care and they had to learn how to parent themselves because they they had their own internal struggle of what parenting and growing up in a healthy environment looked like. And so, you know, back in my youth, I was like, if I ever have the opportunity To help, I'm gonna do it.

Kat Garcia 11:19

Right.

Evelyn Garcia 11:19

I didn't realize it would look like this.

Kat Garcia 11:21

Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think for, for a lot of us who end up in helping professions, it's something happened or. We experienced something as kids or, or we, we watched something happen to people we know and we're like, oh, well we want, we want to help make things better, or we we would've done it differently, so let's change it. That kind of perspective.

Evelyn Garcia 11:47

Absolutely.

Kat Garcia 11:48

Do you feel like you got to kind of fulfill baby Evelyn's, hope that in some ways?

Evelyn Garcia 11:56

You know, I think I did, um, my impact was like the conversations I had with my families as I was leaving. I, you know, a lot of my families within the first six months, they're going through the, like, the stages of grief and the acceptance at the very end of like, why we're involved. And I, I had a, another job where I felt like I was a. A Hope dealer. There's, there's an organization in Oregon called Hope Dealers. But, um, I would tell parents, like, you have the capacity truly to get out of it, and it really starts with you. And, um, I tried to come from like a compassionate lens with families, and if they weren't getting it, then it got, I got nasty. I met with them at their low point and they're like, you've. Can't talk to me like that. I'm like, well, you can't talk to me like that, so let's change it. And towards the end of my, my time with the department, I was telling my families like, I'm leaving, but your work is not done.

Kat Garcia 12:59

Yeah. Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 13:02

And the kids, I, my heart is with the kids, you know, people forget that Trauma ages someone.

Kat Garcia 13:09

Oh, a hundred percent.

Evelyn Garcia 13:11

So I had, you know, five-year-olds that, you know, experience some pretty scarring stuff and they talk about it like it's just, you know, an afterschool project. They're able to discuss, you know, very heavy themes like nothing.

Kat Garcia 13:28

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 13:28

And then I'm having to go to the school like, hi, sorry. This kid has experienced a lot of trauma. It's just a, a, you know, a cup of a tea for all of us. It's, it's not normal. It's not. And I had teenagers, you know, struggling with substance use to cope with some of these big emotions. And, you know, at the end of it, I helped be part of that journey for them to establish a, a trend of sobriety. And at the very end. I got to tell four of my teenagers that I was leaving, and all of them, you know, of all gender expressions, they, they told me that I made a difference and I was like, oh, that's a win. I have done something good in this world because they see it and they get it. And you know, they're under 18 right now. They get to change a lot of their outlook in life, and I hope that they don't fall victims of the system if they don't have the right supports.

Kat Garcia 14:23

That's amazing, Evelyn, you are making a difference every day. And to get to see the tangible evidence of that. It's so affirming, right. When you, you get to see like the journey they've been on and the progress and you're like, you did that. I was here with you. But you did the work.

Evelyn Garcia 14:41

But you did the work. Exactly. And you know, I, I try to. Keep my, my kids and my family's, identities pretty private, especially because not even many people knew the exact town that I was living in, but I, you know, I talked about my teenager, my Texas teenager getting guardianship. I talked about my Utah teenager flying on a plane for the first time. Like these were huge moments for them that they might not have had this opportunity. And I see it as an opportunity because otherwise. Their impact in life would've been worse.

Kat Garcia 15:15

Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it, it's a whole group of people working behind the scenes and sometimes they respond to one of those people and you got to be that person for them and that's really awesome.

Evelyn Garcia 15:29

Absolutely. And I think, you know, I do have. A couple cases that parents aren't on track to get their kids back. And I have seen these colleagues of mine like bend over backwards and build bridges for these parents and they choose to go the other way. And we just have to kind of remember that we're doing it for the kids and a lot of. That bonding that we're creating for the parent child is also a luxury.

Kat Garcia 15:56

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 15:56

We don't have to do any of these things, but we do see the value. And some parents, uh, just don't have the capacity. And I think that's what Montana highlighted for me is that I came, I came to Montana and realized that we are set back like 10 years.

Kat Garcia 16:15

Oh, wow.

Evelyn Garcia 16:16

We don't have, we don't have the resources here. We keep. If you look at the statistics on like, Montanans, like the, the leading cause of death here are like drunk drivers. And I remember that that is what people do to socialize not everyone, but it's a huge generalization that folks do tend to to drink and that is how they socialize. And there was a few folks that are like, well, you're not Montana drunk if you don't go home driving right now. I'm like, ha. I've had half a drink, sir. I'm not, I'm not planning on drinking beyond this point.

Kat Garcia 16:51

You're like, Montana drunk. I'm okay. That's something I don't need to experience whilst I'm here. Thank you very much.

Evelyn Garcia 16:57

Exactly. And it, it was just a lot of things here where. An adjustment. You know, when I lived in Oregon, I could come up with at least half a dozen, if not more resources to tell parents to connect them to resources. Here. I'm like, oh, well there's a wait list of at least 12 years for housing.

Kat Garcia 17:17

Oh my 12 years. Holy shit.

Evelyn Garcia 17:21

It's rough. And I think, you know, I mean, I don't mind disclosing now 'cause we're moving, but we, I called my myself a, a capital hopper. I lived in the capital of Oregon and then we hopped over to the capital of Montana. And you know, I walked around and I see the need I, I see the need. And there's not enough people that have the resources to create these like longer lasting resources for families.

Kat Garcia 17:48

Yeah. And going from Oregon where there are so many resources to Montana where there are so few resources, like talk about the, the opposite ends of the spectrum, like, holy hell,

Evelyn Garcia 18:05

it made me sad, it made me sad, and I. There was like no public transportation. You there is public transit, but it's not as readily accessible. Um, and it just, it kind of hurt to see like the lack and it was just, everything in Montana was a huge adjustment. Um, the winters, you know, I loved. Owning all these beautiful coats. And my brain when we were packing was get rid of all the heavy stuff. And I did. Yeah. And then I forgot that there is no true fall in Montana. It frost pretty quickly.

Kat Garcia 18:51

Um, I, I will not lie, and I will tell you. One of my favorite things about you being in Montana were all of your snow pictures. I go, oh my gosh, look, Evelyn got snow. And I would show the cats, they don't care.

Evelyn Garcia 19:06

I am not built for snow.

Kat Garcia 19:09

No. We, we are, we are built to go visit the snow and then come back

Evelyn Garcia 19:13

and here. I remember telling my supervisor like, oh, is work canceled? She's like, no. Why would it be canceled? I'm like, because of the snow. And that was the first year it had snowed. My first year here, it snowed 10 inches on the first day.

Kat Garcia 19:29

10 inches.

Evelyn Garcia 19:30

Yeah.

Kat Garcia 19:31

And we, we know about inches but oh my gosh, 10. Wow.

Evelyn Garcia 19:35

And I was not prepared for any of it, and my partner's car was not prepared for the snow. So I got the princess treatment. He borrowed my car to take me to work so he could go to school. But it was intense and you know, the snow plows and the de ice machines or whatever, the gurus of the snow, um, they would be out around four in the morning. Wow. And we would go to the gym about the same time and we would not slide as much as I thought we would because they were on top of it.

Kat Garcia 20:11

And then you've got Oregon and it's like, oh my God, there's a flake. We shut down.

Evelyn Garcia 20:14

Shut down. Yep.

Kat Garcia 20:15

Or it's not even a flake. It's like, oh, it might snow. Everyone's on snow routes. Like we are not built in the Pacific Northwest for snow.

Evelyn Garcia 20:28

And as far as like road safety, I was supposed to take a defensive drivers in like an inclement weather. Course, and I just was so scared I didn't do it. Um, but they, they teach you, you know, how to, to stop safely, how to be aware of other drivers. And that was the one thing that I noticed is that during the snow, the drivers here were very aware of one another. Did we run red lights frequently? Yeah. Um, but people would anticipate. Those folks who could not stop in time.

Kat Garcia 21:02

Right. And that's the safer option, is running the red light. Don't slam on the brakes and spin out. Like,

Evelyn Garcia 21:09

and it happened to me once and I screeched like a pterodactyl in my car because I was like, I got this and the light turned red and I just screamed.

Kat Garcia 21:18

I don't know if you've listened to that, just reminds me, I don't know if you've listened to any recent episode, but I think I'm gonna start a account for how many times the word pterodactyl gets used. Because,

Evelyn Garcia 21:28

and needs needs a new account.

Kat Garcia 21:29

It needs because, because like, I think Pterodactyl has come up in almost all of them. So I'm like, I'm gonna start counting. There's gonna be a pterodactyl count.

Evelyn Garcia 21:37

And it's the most relatable sound and experience that one person can have.

Kat Garcia 21:43

Yes. Because as soon as you said it, I'm like, I know exactly what that sounded like

Evelyn Garcia 21:47

so getting used to the snow is one thing, but also like just the frigid weather. Um, like the negative de degree weather. I think the coldest, when we've lived here, I think it was negative 45.

Kat Garcia 21:59

Oh my gosh.

Evelyn Garcia 22:00

And it hurt to breathe 'cause everything would just freeze over inside of me.

Kat Garcia 22:05

Oh no, let's not do that. Come back, come back to Pacific Northwest. But you are. Is that what you

Evelyn Garcia 22:11

I am.

Kat Garcia 22:11

You are. So, so what, so moving before was, was your partner was going to school and you went with them. And now what's bringing you back?

Speaker 2 22:25

Yeah, very similar. Very, very similar. So, um, he has an opportunity to, he, you know, finished the nursing program. He passed the nclex, which I keep referring to as the necklace.

Kat Garcia 22:37

I think that's the most relatable, like acronym shift I've ever heard. I like that. Tell him. I now will also refer to it as the necklace, uh, anytime it comes up.

Evelyn Garcia 22:49

Perfect. So he has an opportunity to actually hone in on his skills that he learned. And so that's what we're gonna do. Um, we're not capital hopping this go around, but I'm trying to come up with a witty way of announcing my new state, like maybe something Pokemon theme. Like gotta catch 'em all.

Kat Garcia 23:10

Yes. Oh my gosh. I love that. New

Evelyn Garcia 23:14

Id, I don't know.

Kat Garcia 23:16

You're like, I'll just have a col, a growing collection of identification cards

Speaker 2 23:21

at this point. That's what it feels like. And, um, the DMV here will void your out state one.

Kat Garcia 23:28

Oh, that's nice. So that you don't have to surrender it, you get to keep it, you just can't use.

Speaker 2 23:33

Exactly, and that's been really fun to look at. But, um, it's, it's been quite the learning curve. Not only, you know, finding a job, making friends, but finding queer friendly spaces. And so, um, that poll studio, um, Sabrina, she. Owned the Bumblebee Aerial Dance Studio and she collaborated with other folks in the community. And I went to, an art show called Tetanus two, um, by Abby Paranormal. Uh, she put this on with a lot of quirky vendors and they have like a very aliene, stoner, mushroom like type. Art. Okay. And they also put on a drag show.

Kat Garcia 24:22

That is, is, is that where the pictures that you recently shared came from?

Evelyn Garcia 24:26

Like some older ones? Yeah. And I'll probably share some even more, but I went in and it was in October and um, there was like pole performances and a couple drag performances, and I finally connected with someone like, how do I do that in this town? Yeah. And that's when I noticed that there was a shift in Oregon, there's a lot of drag queens in Montana. I saw more drag kings.

Kat Garcia 24:55

Oh!

Evelyn Garcia 24:55

And it was like one of those moments where I had to tell myself like, oh, Xavier's not gonna stand out here.

Kat Garcia 25:02

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 25:03

There's too many of us. So I connected with someone and immediately they're like, you can join. You know, the equivalent of the court system out here, and I said, no, thank you. I've done that once and I found myself burning out really quickly with a hobby I enjoyed. So I'm not doing that.

Kat Garcia 25:23

Yeah, that's, I mean, that's, that's a big realization too, you know, because there's the recognition for the hobby that you enjoy, but also the burnout that comes with that.

Evelyn Garcia 25:33

Exactly, and I, you know, I connected with the studio owner and she had a bizarre like idea for a New Year's show.

Kat Garcia 25:47

Oh,

Evelyn Garcia 25:47

and she, you know. I don't have the liquor license. I dunno how I'm gonna do it. So she had like a very loose agreement with the bar across the street, like you give a percentage off drinks and we will provide security. And that was one of my favorite moments about performing here was this specific studio hired security to ensure that performers got to their vehicles safe.

Kat Garcia 26:15

That's amazing.

Evelyn Garcia 26:18

And that was the most exciting thing, just because I had a few queer friends share their version of horror stories of like being queer and open in Montana. Yeah. And their, their adverse experience. And so I said, I will perform so long as there's security.

Kat Garcia 26:33

Yeah. And then they're like, yeah, security. I loved that.

Evelyn Garcia 26:37

And they walked us to our car. And it was one of those comical things where I have a very feminine voice, you know? And I'm walking around and I'm like, oh, I can't find my packer. Just kidding. I found it and that was a very fun moment. And it turned into like a new, um, opportunity where after the New Year's, they're like. A venue downtown wants to do New Year's again, um, and they will cover the alcohol. And I was like, wow. A whole entire venue is going to allow for us to perform again and, you know, do this opportunity of performing once more in a different spot with a, you know, a bigger audience. And I had let the performer know, or the, the owner, I let Sabrina know that. Not only do I do drag as a masculine, but I also do feminine drag as well. And it turned into like a very learning opportunity for folks who didn't know, like you can be, you know, assigned female at birth and still do drag queen, um, feminine personalities. It's just a hyper feminine and. It gave me the space to really tap into that hyper femininity, uh, sensuality that I don't always do when I do masculine drag.

Kat Garcia 27:59

Right. So for people who've listened to our previous episode where we talked about Xavier, oh, I love him. Mm-hmm. Um. I don't, I don't know if we really talked about your, your female drag persona. Do you wanna talk about her a little bit?

Evelyn Garcia 28:16

Absolutely. So while I was, you know, doing Xavier as a title holder, um, there is a fundraiser event that has had different names through different, um, chapters, but it's called Turnabout. And Turnabout is the night that most folks, uh, perform in the opposite gender. And so that night I selected a drag queen that I adored. I asked my drag mother first, but she was at capacity. So I asked someone else who would paint me, um, and give me just a wig to borrow. And I had an outfit and it had to come with a name. So I'm, you know, trying to be funny and funny and what do I wanna do? And they came up with Clitoria. Uh, ctor is also a flower. Which presents very similar to the anatomy.

Kat Garcia 29:05

Yes, it does.

Evelyn Garcia 29:09

And that's how Ctor Cox was born. And so I performed, um, one number one night and it was super, super fun. My drag mother, my drag siblings were like, oh my God, you're so hot. And I go, thank you. It's still me. Um, but it kind of clicked one of those light bulbs where like, it's still me, but in a very hyper feminine way that I don't always.

Kat Garcia 29:31

Do. Right. It's, it's, again, it's another way in which you don't like, typically present yourself, but it's there and you're just exploring that more.

Evelyn Garcia 29:43

Absolutely. And so I got to do Ctor a ton in Montana and, and you know, I owe a huge thank you to the studio for, for creating a space for exploration and expression and, um. Unfortunately the studio had to close down. For now, we don't really know the status of what it will be, but in all of that, I befriended a group of of fems who, um, started a burlesque chapter.

Kat Garcia 30:12

That's awesome.

Evelyn Garcia 30:13

So Dorothy's dolls, find them on Instagram. Um, if you find yourself in Montana, you know, this is a great spot, but they, um, allowed for me to join them and, and their troop to perform, uh, burlesque. So not only am I doing female drag, but then I'm dipping into, um, burlesque and all of the, the folks in our group were so supportive where I said, I'm not comfortable taking off my clothes.

Kat Garcia 30:39

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 30:40

And, and like you, that's fine. You don't have to. And I was like, oh, perfect. And you know, it turned into opening the door to seeing other drag performers and other burlesque performers and other, you know, types of performance that I learned that similar to drag. Um, there's also different styles of burlesque, like nerd esque, you know, very cute style.

Kat Garcia 31:05

That's amazing.

Evelyn Garcia 31:08

And I only started to get curious about that because I really enjoy being, um, comedic relief. Yes. That there are some drug, uh, sorry, there's some burlesque performers that are comedic relief.

Kat Garcia 31:21

That's awesome. I, because when I, when I think of burlesque, I think like a lot of people do, they, they have a very specific, um, image in their head. So to find out there are different genres and it's like, well, of course there are, there are different genres of everything. Y dork. But like. What a cool, cool,

Evelyn Garcia 31:37

most part. Think of cabaret.

Kat Garcia 31:39

Yeah. Yeah. And what a cool, what a cool way to let to discover different, different personas for burlesque too.

Evelyn Garcia 31:54

And it's absolutely, it's just one of those things where I started, I think I did maybe three shows. Um, two shows I missed one for graduation for my partner. But in those two shows, I got to really tap into what I enjoy. And you know, I just shared on Instagram my most recent photo shoot, but I discovered which wig. I enjoy the most, and so it's a, a light, um, dusted rose wig. I, I've named Rosie, and so Rosie's my stable wig that I, I love to wear when performing.

Kat Garcia 32:29

Those pictures were super duper cute. I was like, it's ctor. She looks gorgeous. And my first thought was, I love that wig. So, uh, that is delightful. Would you be willing to let me share a couple of your Clitoria pictures on?

Evelyn Garcia 32:46

Absolutely.

Kat Garcia 32:46

Okay, awesome. I absolutely, I'm writing that down so that I remember later. Uh, to, to ask for them and follow up and then actually post them. That's the hard part, is the following through of the thing. Um.

Evelyn Garcia 33:01

Shout out to Mary. I mean, I'm gonna, um, Mary Photography, she's the one that did the shoot. Um, funny enough, it was a 30 minute shoot.

Kat Garcia 33:10

I love that. Um, so we can, we'll post the, the links for Dorothy's dolls and Mary Mary's photography, and then pictures of Ctor. So we will share all the things. We gotta spread. All the love, all the love. Um, what. What are you excited for with this new move? Have you, have you guys gone out to the new town or are you just gonna like raw dog? It, as one might say,

Evelyn Garcia 33:41

we are most definitely raw dogging it.

Kat Garcia 33:44

That's exciting and terrifying.

Evelyn Garcia 33:48

Absolutely. I have packed a total of three boxes, so it's, it's becoming a reality right now, but. I, I do owe a huge thank you to my partner for just always creating a space for me to explore. I think that's what folks in, you know, committed relationships do. It's exploring and growing through the discomfort and the awkward and the clumsy, and really celebrating each other's wins. Um, even if it's not something that we did ourselves. It's really celebrating our partner. I got to see him, you know, go through this 15 month rigorous program. Sleepless nights. I slept soundly because I am a sleepy, sleepy gal, um, to now as packing up and moving out of state, and he's the logistics guy. So. He knows how we're gonna pack everything and the drive over. I am just the, uh, ooh, I found food. Like we can stop and eat here. Which I think is, is balance.

Kat Garcia 34:48

That's and, and don't use, just that is a very important role because for myself, when I start to get hangry, other people, um, get sad. So the food aspect, very important.

Evelyn Garcia 35:03

That's all we've been looking at me. Um, I've been looking at the most, but, uh, collectively we've been looking at folks in places and spots that, um. You know, I remember that he did all this work for me in making sure that I had queer friendly spaces. So I took a little bit of initiative and I found some queer friendly spaces that I wanna be in too, that I want to continue going back into pole and doing all those fun apparatuses. But I also found a, um, Mexican folkloric dance studio. And that's something I've been wanting to do for. A long time. I did it for six years growing up and I've missed it. And every time I hear the traditional songs being played at Cinco de Mayo, I, I miss it and I wanna do it, and I found an opportunity, so I'm gonna do it.

Kat Garcia 35:56

That's so cool. That's so cool. Do you feel like, do you feel like it will be, I don't know if easier is the right word, but do you feel like the experience of being. A queer brown person will have a different vibe coming back to Pacific Northwest after being in Montana for 15 months.

Evelyn Garcia 36:20

I think it'll be like a, a new discomfort of going and having to find all these spaces to going to an area like the Pacific Northwest, where it's very out in your face. And it, you know, you'll find the rainbow stick it like you'll find, you know, LGBQ friendly, more accessible than you would in, you know, Montana. Um, so I am, I'm curious to see what my experience is there. I know that. The discomfort that comes with not having your people nearby was a huge growing opportunity for me, and now I'm going back to where if I calculate correctly, you know, I'm about four hours from my best friend. I'm, you know, three and a half hours from my parents. I am now have access to my family and I want to make sure that I don't fall back too. Old habits of relying on these people and really just trusting myself and my expansion and you know, really being able to say, you guys have taught me that I can do it. So here I am showing you that I can.

Kat Garcia 37:28

Do you think that relying like learning to rely on yourself and your decisions, do you feel like that. Is something that really came out for you moving to Montana? Like moving, you're not even touching the same states. Like I thought about that once. I'm like, Evelyn not, it's not a very large stretch, but it's, there's enough, you know? Um, but like your, your comfort in relying on your own judgment, do you think that was something that came out of this for you?

Evelyn Garcia 38:03

110%. Yep. Um, you know, my parents, you know, if we have to go back to culture and stuff, I have broken a lot of traditions.

Kat Garcia 38:14

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 38:14

A lot of major no-nos in my culture. I am not married, I don't have children, you know, I'm over the age of 30. Um, and I used to rely very much on my parents' approval. And by moving out here, I have noticed that, and it's not to shame my family. I love them all very much, but you know, people will meet you where they're at personally.

Kat Garcia 38:43

Yep.

Evelyn Garcia 38:43

So I know that my family is not a hundred percent ready to meet me where I'm at because they're not there yet. I. Had only one close friend come and visit me. My best friend, she flew out to Montana. She spent a week with me. I've lived here, you know, two, two years. And, um, my family never once visited me.

Kat Garcia 39:07

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 39:08

And did, did it hurt? Yes. You know, um, brown people do exist in all space of, of the United States. Um, but the cold is not always our preferred spot. Y Yes. So even down to like the Mexican restaurants here, like you'd, it doesn't taste the same as it did in the Pacific Northwest. And so in all of it, like. I understand that my family loves and cares about me, but they weren't willing to come out here. And that is something that I've learned to accept. And a lot of the decisions that I've made out here I did for myself because if I didn't feel excited about it, then it would be a no. And that's something that. I feel like a lot of, um, Latinx folks like me are learning that it's okay to make these decisions and we only feel guilty because the people before us never make them.

Kat Garcia 39:59

Oh, dude. Talk about hitting it hard on the head like that. That has been some of my own journey the last couple of years is like, oh, oh, yep. Yeah. Yeah, we can make the choices. We, we do know what's best for ourselves and it's okay to trust that.

Evelyn Garcia 40:20

Yeah. And it's been really hard and I, and I always, like, I tell my siblings, like, I don't feel shame of where I grew up and what we've been through. But, you know, um, there is a professor, one of my favorite professors at Western who said, you know, your twenties are your decade of mistakes in your thirties. I finished that statement with the unlearning.

Kat Garcia 40:44

Yes, yes.

Evelyn Garcia 40:46

And so the unlearning of my thirties have taught me that, you know, the parents before me and the generations before me only taught us what they knew and most of their learnings were before their twenties. I reflect back and I look, you know, at my age, 33, going on 34, my parents had five kids. And we're struggling to, you know, how do I give my kids everything they want? Um, based on the things that I didn't have. And growing up, I didn't know, I didn't, my parents never made it a clear, clear image that we were struggling. It was very much like everything was an adventure. And so I take that with me and everything I do was an adventure. But then I remember like, oh, but I didn't have this growing up. I didn't have this, you know, it's from like I went to Knots Berry Farm, I went to Disneyland as a kid, and back then I could only imagine how expensive it was with five Littles.

Kat Garcia 41:50

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 41:52

And I went as an adult at like maybe 27. And I was like, scrounging up pennies and making sure that I picked the lint off of them so I could get here. And it was a great experience. And then I'm watching, you know, my, my similar aged cousins also doing cool things where not only are they going to Disneyland, but you know, in 2023 I went to to Europe.

Kat Garcia 42:21

Yes, you did. That was so cool.

Evelyn Garcia 42:24

My family never did that. And I'm seeing, you know, I have a cousin who's currently in Japan and I'm sitting here going, we've done it. We have done the big adventures that our family were too scared to do. And we're doing like a multi-generational healing because of it. So even if there is struggle, we're really living Yolo.

Kat Garcia 42:46

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 42:46

With some caution. But we're really doing a lot of the big stuff and this move feels like it. I, I. I never knew what it was like to move out of my comfort zone. And I did that little by little from growing up in a small agricultural community to going to college on the opposite side of the state, to then settling at the capital for, you know, 10 years and then moving outta state. And now here I am two years later, moving back to another state. Is it uncomfortable? Would I do it again? Probably. I mean, as long as I have the partner that I do,

Kat Garcia 43:21

I mean, you are doing it again. You are in fact doing it again and doing it successfully, and you're doing it with you and your partner are supporting one another in these big life changes.

Evelyn Garcia 43:36

And he is a very patient man, because our first move, I dragged my feet. I was scared and I told him like, if I drag my feet, please encourage me to pick him up because I don't mean to be scared. I just wanna make sure that I have someone on the other side with me. He was like, yeah, 'cause I'm not doing that shit again. Like, okay. It's the motivation.

Kat Garcia 44:01

Well, and, and you know, you guys have gone through one big transition. I mean, you've gone through a lot of transitions together over the years, but like this big move was so many different transitions all at once, and you made it through that. And now it's like you, you had growing pains with that one. You'll have growing pains with this one, but you know more. Going into this move about what you need to be successful through it too.

Evelyn Garcia 44:26

And he's taught me a lot of very valuable things throughout this entire journey. Was that, um, you know, less is more, the less people know, the more that we can enjoy it. Um, and I've. I've taken a step back from like publicly posting every single day. Mm-hmm. My life updates to, sure, I'll post something here, I'll post something there. But more often than not, the people that need to know are in the know and it's, it's saying that with confidence, and even then I didn't say it very confidently because of struggle. You know,

Kat Garcia 45:04

it's a struggle. Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 45:06

Folks wanna know what I'm doing. And it's like, well, are you here packing? No. Then you don't get to know. My family doesn't know yet exactly where I'm moving. I don't think, if I remember correctly, they don't know I'm moving.

Kat Garcia 45:19

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 45:20

And that's again, no shame on them, but I'm learning that this has been a very enjoyable chapter of just being present with my partner and doing things that feel right for us.

Kat Garcia 45:33

And it's, that's one of the hard things, you know, for you and I have, we, we've talked a lot about some of the similarities growing up with, Hispanic parents. I mean mm-hmm. I've got my dad who is brown, and my mom, who's the color paper, you know? So very, it's a different experience than yours in that way, but like the expectation on the children. Of immigrant parents is so high, and it's also that expectation that they, the, your family needs to know what you're doing all the time. And we're, we're changing those expectations because those are not our expectations for ourselves or other people.

Evelyn Garcia 46:15

Yeah. And I think this generation that we're in right now, like we're very much like understanding that it's not personal.

Kat Garcia 46:22

Yeah.

Evelyn Garcia 46:23

It's really not. And I find myself reciting that. I'll slip back into like, no one's checked in on me. I'm so mad. Nope. It's fine. Everyone has their own threshold and capacity to, to be present for other people. I should not shame someone else if I don't want them to do that to me.

Kat Garcia 46:42

Yeah, and I mean, getting to that point, that's, that's a hard place to get to. I catch myself doing it sometimes too, and I'm like, have you checked in with with them lately? It's like, no. Okay, well take a breath. Maybe go get a snack, take a nap, pet a cat, you know, squish some yarn, do something, but it's fine. Move on.

Evelyn Garcia 47:04

It really is. It really is like that. And I, I think it's, thank goodness for therapy, for giving me these tools.

Kat Garcia 47:10

Oh my God. I know, right?

Evelyn Garcia 47:11

Gosh darn it.

Kat Garcia 47:13

I, I tell my therapist regularly. I'm like, Hey. Thanks for, you know that. She's like, you're, you did. I'm like, no, this, we're, we're thanking you right now. Yep. You gave me the tool so you, you found the tool. You threw it at me until I put it in the toolbox. Thank you. Yeah, my therapist told me recently, she's like, you know, your podcast is like one of your tools, and I'm like, we do not need to get aggressive today. Okay. That's not necessary.

Evelyn Garcia 47:41

Clearly you chose violin and I'm not about it.

Kat Garcia 47:45

Right. I'm like, why do you say that? She's like, well, I listened to the episode. I'm like, oh, alright. Well. That's rude, using my own actual words against me. Cool, cool, cool.

Evelyn Garcia 47:59

But you know, you've made it big when your therapist listens to your podcast.

Kat Garcia 48:03

Apparently so. Apparently so, um, what's, what's the thing that you're the most excited about for the move to Washington?

Evelyn Garcia 48:15

food

Kat Garcia 48:16

I was gonna say, please let it be food. Please let it be food. Knowing us. I do diversity

Evelyn Garcia 48:23

the food diversity is what I'm looking forward to the most. Um, Montana has a lot of mom and pop shops, which I think is wonderful. Um, and I think there's very slight variations, but I don't think I can have another burger and another huckleberry, whatever. Um. In a while. Like, I, I think I can stand missing that for a bit.

Kat Garcia 48:49

Yeah, that makes sense.

Evelyn Garcia 48:51

Because I mean, let's see, I'm trying to, I'm still trying to think of like creative ways to announce my move. You know, in, in Oregon they have the Marion Berry in Montana, they have the huckleberry. I don't know what, uh, apples.

Kat Garcia 49:06

Yeah. In Washington, Washington, they're big on apples. Very big on the apples,

Evelyn Garcia 49:10

and it's a good thing that my partner loves apples and I like specifically Granny Smith apples. But you know, the, the diversity of food is really what it's coming down to. I, I was the biggest glutton for food when I had a chance to leave. Um, you know, one city the next, I was like, oh my gosh, Indian food. Oh my gosh, Thai food. Um, and then I'd come back. I'm like, oh, burgers again. Olive Garden. Different. Olive Garden,

Kat Garcia 49:38

right? Um, I did look up the state fruit of, of Washington. It is in fact the apple. I'm, so, you can, you can carve something into an apple instead of a pumpkin. You can carve an apple.

Evelyn Garcia 49:53

You know what? I like that

Kat Garcia 49:54

I mean, I dunno if it's a good idea, but you know, it's, it's a weird idea and that's usually what I'm, what I'm here for. So, you know,

Evelyn Garcia 50:03

I mean, if, if we had to give some, some semblance of a geographical location of Washington, um, I will be close to. The gym in town that everyone likes to Oh, visit.

Kat Garcia 50:16

That's exciting.

Evelyn Garcia 50:18

But I'm not even excited for Christmas. I'm very much excited for, um, the Los MUTOs. Yes. Because they have a giant like altar and like Catrina, Catrin, um, competition.

Kat Garcia 50:31

That's cool. I did not know that.

Evelyn Garcia 50:33

Neither did I. I was just, I love it. Snooping around. So I think that'll be one of my many first challenges and adventures is to go out there and do that.

Kat Garcia 50:44

Very cool. Very cool. Well, Evelyn, thank you so much for coming on the pot again and talking with me.

Evelyn Garcia 50:52

Absolutely. Such a pleasure. I wish I could have been there in person to have all the cats all over me, but

Kat Garcia 50:59

you know, the cats are. Cadding, uh, I've only seen one of them this entire time. The other two, I'm pretty sure are sleeping on cleanly folded laundry on my bed

Evelyn Garcia 51:12

as they should.

Kat Garcia 51:12

And the ginger one is in the window 'cause that's just where she lives right now. So, as they should. Well, yes, thank you. And we will, we will have you on again. Uh, we, me and the cats and the voices in my head, um, but we'll do it sooner than two years. Because that's a really long time.

Evelyn Garcia 51:30

Absolutely.

Kat Garcia 51:31

But if you're, if you're okay with, um, with me sharing some pictures of Ctor that would be awesome. And I'll put the, the links to, to all the fun things we talked about today in the show notes so people can go and follow along and find them.

Evelyn Garcia 51:45

Absolutely. I appreciate it

Kat Garcia 51:46

Yay. Well, thank you Evelyn so much.

Evelyn Garcia 51:50

Thank you for having me, Kat.

Kat Garcia 51:51

So with that, the Kaz and I are gonna go. If you're still here, please go like and subscribe wherever you're listening. And don't forget to share this episode with your friend. Make sure you're following us on your socials. We are on Instagram and Facebook at, sorry. That's my inside voice. And if you haven't already, you can sign up for our mailing list on our website. Sorry. That's my inside voice.com. Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye.