Please Don't Commit Crimes

In this episode, join host Kat Garcia as she welcomes back Jenesa Ross for a heartfelt and humorous conversation about parenting, mental health, and personal growth. In this episode, Jenesa opens up about her journey through misdiagnosis, medication changes, and therapy breakthroughs, while she and Kat share laughs and real talk about breaking generational cycles and supporting each other through life’s challenges. Tune in for honest insights, relatable stories, and a reminder that you’re not alone on the path to self-discovery. 

Transcript

Kat Garcia 0:06

Greetings and salutations. Welcome to, sorry. That's my inside voice. I'm your host Ka Garcia, and in this episode I get to sit down and talk with a friend of the pod Janessa Ross. Again. Uh, in this episode we get to talk about therapy epiphanies, how we strongly suggest that you do not commit crimes and parenting a very fiery, touch oriented small human when you are not touch oriented in any way. Uh, just as a. Heads up. For our listeners, this is a content warning. There is some discussion of child neglect in this episode near the end, so please listen to your comfort level. Okay. Okay, so we are going to start recording. Are you excited?

Jenesa Ross 0:50

So excited. As excited as I can be on half of a clonazepam.

Kat Garcia 0:57

Woo. I love that. So hard.

Jenesa Ross 0:59

Yep.

Kat Garcia 1:00

It's the way to go.

Jenesa Ross 1:01

Yep.

Kat Garcia 1:01

Uh, so Jenesa is back for a another episode. Yay. And then she reminded me the last time she was on was for Yarn Crawl. So we are talking today about your. Your journey one might say.

Jenesa Ross 1:20

Mm-hmm.

Kat Garcia 1:20

With free parenting yourself.

Jenesa Ross 1:23

Yep.

Kat Garcia 1:23

Whilst parenting a small human that you created

Jenesa Ross 1:27

a small Aries with as Scorpio rising. Yeah. I love it.

Kat Garcia 1:32

So for people who don't know astrology stuff, what does that mean?

Jenesa Ross 1:39

And she has a cancer mood too. Um, so, so your, your sun sign is, is what people usually like ask you when you're, when you get asked what's your sign. Um, and that's like your, your inner core, um, your rising sign is the mask you present to the world and it, it very much so influences how you also interact with your sun sign. So, like for me, I am an Aries Sun with a Taurus rising, so. Aries is kind of fiery and has a little bit of a kick to it.

Kat Garcia 2:19

What?

Jenesa Ross 2:19

I know,

Kat Garcia 2:20

I'm so shocked.

Jenesa Ross 2:22

Um, and Taurus is very grounded and, um, home oriented and they like the finer things in life, but they're not super spicy. They're stubborn, but they're not spicy. Um, so I tend to be a more mellow Aries because of that. Until you really piss me off.

Kat Garcia 2:45

I was gonna say

Jenesa Ross 2:46

then I will not be, um, yeah. Uh, Henley. Yeah, that's what I wanna say. Henley. I was like, am I saying her name on the hair? Yes, I am. Um, Henley is an airy son with a Scorpio rising. Her father is a Scorpio, but he's a weird Scorpio because he has a cancer rising. So. Scorpios are kind of known for being like, they have the capacity to just be straight up evil if they don't take care of themselves. Like if they are not taking care of their mental health and their relationships with people and being healthy in those things, like they can be straight up effing evil.

Kat Garcia 3:32

So she can take, she can turn into Darth Vader. She'll love this analogy, but she could very easily turn to the Dark Side..

Jenesa Ross 3:40

She could turn into the emperor. Like, I don't think she would need to be the sidekick.

Kat Garcia 3:43

No, no. She would, she would just bypass that.

Jenesa Ross 3:45

She could do it all. Because also she's really good at teaching teach. She's the Jedi master that teaches people how to be Jedi, so. Right. That's just, you know, a hop to skip away from being the emperor. Um,

Kat Garcia 4:02

Henley is obsessed with Star Wars.

Jenesa Ross 4:04

Oh my gosh. Yes.

Kat Garcia 4:05

Obsessed.

Jenesa Ross 4:06

Which I'm okay with. Like, I'm cool. She's got new, uh, lightsabers.

Kat Garcia 4:11

I'm so excited to battle. With those.

Jenesa Ross 4:14

Yeah.

Kat Garcia 4:14

If she'll let me touch one,

Jenesa Ross 4:16

she will.

Kat Garcia 4:16

Yes.

Jenesa Ross 4:18

Um, so she can be fiery and evil and mischievous. Um, Scorpios are also known for being, some people call it conniving. They're like the Slytherin,

Kat Garcia 4:34

they're mischievous

Jenesa Ross 4:34

of the Zodiac. Whereas, you know, like Hogwarts only has four houses and there's 12 in the Zodiac. But like Scorpios are kind of thought of. Maybe tell me if you don't agree. Scorpios are kind of thought of as like the Slitherin.

Kat Garcia 4:53

I mean, I don't think that's incorrect.

Jenesa Ross 4:56

I mean other, there are other signs who are very capable of evil things.

Kat Garcia 5:00

Oh, absolutely.

Jenesa Ross 5:00

But they hide it so much better.

Kat Garcia 5:02

Yeah. Scorpios just kind of are like,

Jenesa Ross 5:05

yes, I am evil and I don't give a shit.

Kat Garcia 5:07

I am, let me. Let me show you the ways yeah,

Jenesa Ross 5:11

yeah. Which is funny because I have a lot of Scorpios in my life. Uh, so Henley's an Aries with a Scorpio rising, but she also has a cancer moon. Your moon represents your feelings and cancers have every feeling ever and they have it really big,

Kat Garcia 5:29

real big feelings.

Jenesa Ross 5:30

And so she has lots of feelings and they're very large

Kat Garcia 5:36

and she's spicy about it.

Jenesa Ross 5:37

Yeah. And uh, she's a perfect combination of Justin and I. So I am an Aries with a Taurus rising and a cancer moon. Justin is a Scorpio with a cancer rising and a Pisces moon.

Kat Garcia 5:50

Jesus.

Jenesa Ross 5:51

Yeah. So she is the perfect little combination of the both of us and the cancer rising is why Justin is not evil yet is a solid Scorpio,

Kat Garcia 6:03

I would say. Justin has evil tendencies.

Jenesa Ross 6:06

Yes.

Kat Garcia 6:07

Yes. They're, they're, they're mischievous. They're mischievous tendencies.

Jenesa Ross 6:11

Yes. It's not

Kat Garcia 6:12

necessarily evil for Justin, but it's pop up.

Jenesa Ross 6:14

He can be diabolic. Yeah, he's like the diabolical. Yeah. He's, he's like, Dr. Finkelstein in, in Phinneas and Ferb. He's,

Kat Garcia 6:22

there you go.

Jenesa Ross 6:22

Not actually gonna accomplish anything.

Kat Garcia 6:24

There you go.

Jenesa Ross 6:25

Yeah. He has all the plans.

Kat Garcia 6:27

Ha, ha ha.

Jenesa Ross 6:28

So, yeah.

Kat Garcia 6:29

Yeah. No, he needs you to, to, to execute the plan. He'll try to come up with it, but it won't go further than that.

Jenesa Ross 6:36

No.

Kat Garcia 6:36

Without your support.

Jenesa Ross 6:37

No, he, he uses me as like a, a, a compass. He's like, so I'm having this feeling and I'd really like to do it. Uh, and I'm like, well, that's interesting.

Kat Garcia 6:51

How, how does knowing her signs, like, how does that help you parent her? How does that help you, like, engage?

Jenesa Ross 7:01

Well, first of all, it scares the shit out of me.

Kat Garcia 7:03

I mean, that's fair.

Jenesa Ross 7:04

And second, I really do see her as a pretty good conglomeration of Justin and I.

Kat Garcia 7:13

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 7:13

Like temperament wise, she is pretty solidly both.

Kat Garcia 7:18

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 7:20

Um, which both throws Justin and me separately.

Kat Garcia 7:27

Yeah. In different ways.

Jenesa Ross 7:29

Yeah. Because like when she's having this insane emotion that's just really big and kind of ragey.

Kat Garcia 7:34

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 7:35

I'm like, dude, I get you. But we do have to breathe through it because stabbing people is considered like at least assault.

Kat Garcia 7:43

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 7:44

It might even go up to murder.

Kat Garcia 7:45

Right. It depends on where you stab them..

Jenesa Ross 7:47

Um, yeah. Whereas Justin, when she gets ragey, he's just like, what is happening? Stopped. What? I don't know how we went from zero to 60, but we did so. And then I don't understand when she's being really mischievous, because I also just don't, I don't do that for several reasons.

Kat Garcia 8:10

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 8:11

But

Kat Garcia 8:12

yeah, no, she's having spent quality time with her. She is a, a good balance of the two of you.

Jenesa Ross 8:19

Yeah. Yeah. Anywho. That's my child.

Kat Garcia 8:25

That's your child. Um, your child is also very touch oriented.

Jenesa Ross 8:32

Hate it.

Kat Garcia 8:33

Yeah. How do you deal with that? Because you are not a touchy person?

Jenesa Ross 8:38

For several reasons.

Kat Garcia 8:39

For several reasons. And like to the point where I don't usually hug you. When I see people, I'm like to greet them or like, I'm a hugger, but I'm like, I don't hug you.

Jenesa Ross 8:48

I always tell people that I will initiate a hug. If I want one.

Kat Garcia 8:55

Mm-hmm.

Jenesa Ross 8:55

Like I will, I will ask you.

Kat Garcia 8:57

Yes. And you have if I can

Jenesa Ross 8:58

have one. Um, and then if I see you are offering hugs, like as a goodbye or a hello and I don't want one, I will typically not fully remove myself from a situation, but like kind of remove myself enough that there is like a,

Kat Garcia 9:11

you kind of Irish goodbye

Jenesa Ross 9:12

the imaginary wall. Yeah, There's like an imaginary wall there. Yeah. That everyone can kind of feel and see like, oh, you stepped away. Got it.

Kat Garcia 9:19

Yeah. So how does, how does that, 'cause Henley has been Henley

Jenesa Ross 9:25

out my butt for forever.

Kat Garcia 9:27

For forever. Like she, she, she

Jenesa Ross 9:29

came out and then she wanted to go back in. I don't know.

Kat Garcia 9:31

Yeah. She's just like attached to you much to your chagrin. But how much harder has that been as she's gotten older? When Justin is also a touch oriented person,

Jenesa Ross 9:48

it was easier when she was little. Because holding her was the primary method of caring for her.

Kat Garcia 9:57

Right.

Jenesa Ross 9:57

I held her, when I nursed her, I held her. You know, we always, yes, we are. Those parents, we held her for her to go to bed because you know what? I am not letting my child scream for two hours at night because she can't sleep because she doesn't know how to regulate. At the age of six months old, that's not the time to learn. She's not ready.

Kat Garcia 10:14

Yeah. It makes sense. You six months old, she's, she's still within the window. Like she's, she hasn't even been out as long as she was in

Jenesa Ross 10:26

No. She, she has existed for like, just over a year and most of that was like as a very small multicellular organism that is assumed to be a fetus, but isn't any who, um,

Kat Garcia 10:45

Jenesa is a, uh, biology person.

Jenesa Ross 10:48

I am.

Kat Garcia 10:50

So, yeah. Which I appreciate. I'm not, I'm not, I'm, no, I, I, like, I did chemistry, I like to blow shit up and light it on fire.

Jenesa Ross 10:59

That's not chemistry. That's thermodynamics. But okay.

Kat Garcia 11:02

We did, we did some of, you're such a snot we did

Jenesa Ross 11:06

of love. It's part of chemistry. It's true.

Kat Garcia 11:08

And that was my favorite part of chemistry.

Jenesa Ross 11:10

It's part, it's a very small part of chemistry.

Kat Garcia 11:12

Very small. It's why I didn't really like chemistry all that much.

Jenesa Ross 11:16

It's hard.

Kat Garcia 11:17

But so, so now that she is, is older and theoretically more independent, how is that going? Like, how does that, how has that shifted with the

Jenesa Ross 11:27

She's heavy.

Kat Garcia 11:29

She is so heavy.

Jenesa Ross 11:29

She's also so bony.

Kat Garcia 11:31

It's a strange combination.

Jenesa Ross 11:33

Um. She really hurts you with her elbows. Not on purpose, but like she's just climbing you like a jungle gym because that's what she do. And girl bony,

Kat Garcia 11:42

she's so bony.

Jenesa Ross 11:43

I mean, she works out almost every day because she is so active.

Kat Garcia 11:47

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 11:48

And kid is muscly and bony and now that I have lost as much weight as I have, it hurts her bony head on my bony now shoulder, which I haven't seen a bone in my shoulder for a really long time, but like it hurts. So, um, there are definitely times where I need space and I have learned that it's because of my A DHD and I get overwhelmed.

Kat Garcia 12:16

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 12:17

And then I just start to have a panic attack or I get really cranky. 'cause when I get overwhelmed I get really grumpy. So one of those two things happen. Both of those are not conducive to snuggling.

Kat Garcia 12:28

That is true. That is, how do you, how do you talk to her about that? Like, do you tell her mom is over stemmed or moms feeling overwhelmed?

Jenesa Ross 12:39

Yeah. She totally knows what that means. Um, and, at our house if, if something like that is happening, um, I, we, we say that mommy's brain is not allowing that right now.

Kat Garcia 12:54

Oh, I like that.

Jenesa Ross 12:55

Um, because it really is something or other doing with my brain.

Kat Garcia 13:00

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 13:00

There is a chemical that isn't there or is there that shouldn't be there. Or should, yeah, something's not right. What did you just drop Lily?

Kat Garcia 13:11

I'm gonna guess Lily had food in her cone. 'cause there's a, a bowl of kibble over there.

Jenesa Ross 13:17

Mm-hmm.

Kat Garcia 13:18

Sometimes it gets stuck.

Jenesa Ross 13:19

You had little tree keeper.

Kat Garcia 13:21

Yeah. Great. Look at

Jenesa Ross 13:23

those

Kat Garcia 13:23

eyes. She kind of wants

Jenesa Ross 13:24

to murder me. She's, yeah.

Kat Garcia 13:25

Little

Jenesa Ross 13:26

bit. She mad. Um, so she's, she's understanding, she, she's, she makes me feel really guilty about it. Not maliciously, but she does this thing where when I'm like, Henley, I can't, right now, mommy's brain is not gonna allow that to happen. Like, I just can't do it. I can't handle that. And then she gets this like, really pouty face and she's like, okay, I'll just go over here.

Kat Garcia 13:52

Oh my gosh. When she does that, I go, okay. Because she, she, she knows.

Jenesa Ross 13:58

She does know.

Kat Garcia 13:59

She knows.

Jenesa Ross 14:00

But then, but then the part of me that's still a traumatized little child

Kat Garcia 14:04

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 14:04

Is like, don't do that. Don't be sad.

Kat Garcia 14:07

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 14:08

But also, I can't go, go talk to your dad. He loves to snuggle.

Kat Garcia 14:14

He does love to snuggle.

Jenesa Ross 14:15

And then she's like, no, I don't want Dad, I want you. I'm like, why you two are supposed to just be there for each other and leave me alone? I thought this was gonna be perfect. It wasn't.

Kat Garcia 14:27

No. The touchy people don't wanna touch each other.

Jenesa Ross 14:30

No, they don't wanna snuggle each other,

Kat Garcia 14:33

which is so rude.

Jenesa Ross 14:34

They still wanna snuggle me. I hate it. Sometimes I like it, but sometimes I really don't.

Kat Garcia 14:43

What do you, what do you tell yourself in those moments where you feel that little kid version of you like reacting to her? What do you

Jenesa Ross 14:52

to that specifically?

Kat Garcia 14:53

Yeah, like to, when anytime you feel that coming out, when you're like engaging with Henley.

Jenesa Ross 15:00

It depends on what it's about. Um, in that specific situation, it makes me feel like I just need to go back on whatever I said and get over the fact that I don't, that my brain and my body are not in a place where I can handle that. Like my nervous system is not okay.

Kat Garcia 15:19

Mm-hmm.

Jenesa Ross 15:20

And it makes me wanna just be like, you're gonna deal with it because she needs you.

Kat Garcia 15:26

Yeah. So you've got both of those like at the same time.

Jenesa Ross 15:29

Yeah. And then I feel the really big mom guilt about it. And then I have to choose between enforcing the boundary I just made or going back on it hard so that she doesn't look hurt.

Kat Garcia 15:50

Yeah. Yeah. How, how many times a day would you say you guys get some version of that?

Jenesa Ross 15:59

The, the feeling bad?

Kat Garcia 16:00

Yeah. Or the, I'm going to be the sad. I'm gonna go over here then.

Jenesa Ross 16:06

It's a lot. Um,

Kat Garcia 16:07

is it less since she's in school?

Jenesa Ross 16:10

I mean, yeah. It was less than over the summer. Got to the point over the summer where. I very frequently told people, you can take her. I'm gonna throw her in the garbage.

Kat Garcia 16:22

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 16:22

She still fits in the trash can.

Kat Garcia 16:24

She does.

Jenesa Ross 16:25

She can head in there because I'm done.

Speaker 4 16:27

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 16:29

She's just, she needs attention.

Kat Garcia 16:32

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 16:32

All of the time.

Kat Garcia 16:34

Which is hilarious. 'cause it's not like she's ever been deprived of attention.

Jenesa Ross 16:38

And I think that's why

Kat Garcia 16:39

that could make sense.

Jenesa Ross 16:41

I, I don't know. I, I want her to, it's getting to the point now where it's like, okay, you are, you're almost six and a half. You shouldn't be playing by yourself all the time, but like when you get home from school and you've been with 25 to 30 kids all day, you, you should want to just not stop. Stop.

Kat Garcia 17:10

Yeah. Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 17:13

But she, she doesn't,

Kat Garcia 17:16

her social battery is,

Jenesa Ross 17:18

she's the energizer bunny.

Kat Garcia 17:20

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 17:20

Of the social battery. It's,

Kat Garcia 17:22

that's fair. I, people call me an energizer bunny. They call, someone called me an energizer bunny at work a couple weeks ago and I'm like,

Jenesa Ross 17:30

they don't know you very well.

Kat Garcia 17:31

I'm like, I just get my shit done. I don't think that makes me an energizer bunny. 'cause I'm over here going,

Jenesa Ross 17:35

was this like on a call or something?

Kat Garcia 17:37

Yeah, it was like a video call.

Jenesa Ross 17:38

Was it with people you could swear in front of?

Kat Garcia 17:42

I mean, it probably could have. I didn't,

Jenesa Ross 17:44

if I felt comfortable swearing, I would've said like, bitch where,

Kat Garcia 17:49

I mean this was like my supervisor, our manager, and like department probably can't

Jenesa Ross 17:54

do that.

Kat Garcia 17:55

Yeah. No. But

Jenesa Ross 17:56

like at my work where we're all just kind of friends, I've been like, bitch,

Kat Garcia 17:58

where that's true. Like it was nice to get that recognition of yes, we see the work you're doing. You energize your bunny. You, and I'm going,

Jenesa Ross 18:07

I'm glad you think I'm energetic because I'm dying. I'm,

Kat Garcia 18:10

I'm going to go take a nap. Do I can't do that anymore. Uh, I do that on my lunch break sometimes. I don't know. I can't. Well, I did until I have an internship that I do on my lunch break. Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 18:22

I used to be able to, but now I'm properly medicated. Yeah. Like, I want to go to sleep to escape everything.

Kat Garcia 18:31

What was, what was that transition like going from like the, your big med shift? 'cause you've, if you're comfortable talking about it, I'm

Speaker 5 18:39

cool.

Kat Garcia 18:40

Um, 'cause you've had a pretty significant that's, that's, that's like downplaying it. You've had a big fucking shift in your meds in the last

Jenesa Ross 18:52

Yeah, because I started seeing a year. Yeah. I, I have a,

Kat Garcia 19:00

I have A-P-M-H-N-P. Psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, for those of you who don't speak Alphabet.

Jenesa Ross 19:09

Um, instead of, so that is the person that is now taking care of my mental health medication needs. Before it was my primary care physician who I recently dumped because I am,

Kat Garcia 19:26

she fired him real hard.

Jenesa Ross 19:28

I, and he deserved it. He didn't listen to me.

Kat Garcia 19:33

Yeah, that's a problem.

Jenesa Ross 19:35

And I don't know everything, and I can fully admit that, but I do know my body better than pretty much anybody. So when I tell you things, you need to listen. And so I fired him and I got specialists for basically everything. Yeah. Um, and one of them was for psychiatric meds. Um, and I had been diagnosed with. Bipolar two, which you can expound on because I still don't understand it.

Kat Garcia 20:11

That's okay.

Jenesa Ross 20:12

Like, I'm fine. Don't want it. I'm

Kat Garcia 20:14

fine. No, we're good. I'll go. Here's the, here's what we'll do. I'll go back later and I'll record an insert right here. Boom. Okay. Okay,

Jenesa Ross 20:24

we're back. We're back. Um, so I was diagnosed with bipolar two and then after having Henley Oh, I was put on Seroquel. Seroquel is a tranquilizer.

Speaker 4 20:41

Yeah,

Jenesa Ross 20:41

it is. It is for mania. It is for, yeah. Yeah. So I had been on that from 2013 until 2024.

Kat Garcia 20:59

So pretty much actually the whole time that we've known each other.

Jenesa Ross 21:04

Yes. You were on Seroquel? Yes.

Kat Garcia 21:06

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 21:07

Um, and I was a zombie. I could sleep anytime. I was constantly depressed. Um, my anxiety just kept building and getting better because I couldn't feel it until it was like a pressure cooker up to the point where it was just like,

Speaker 4 21:27

yeah.

Jenesa Ross 21:29

Um, So you had an, an

Kat Garcia 21:32

anxiety explosion?

Jenesa Ross 21:33

I did. I kept having anxiety explosions and I was told by my therapist who I, I actually think was like a counselor. Okay. Because she was not able to diagnose or prescribe. So it may have more been like a counselor situation. I don't really know. Yeah, maybe. Um, I didn't question it. She helped me. Um, but she was like, you should go see this person who's like two doors down from my office. Make an appointment with him and you should just, you should go do that and I'll pass along my notes because we're all in the same practice. Um, just, you know, just give me permission to do that. I'm like, great. I love it. I love not having to brief people on all of my crap. Everything.

Kat Garcia 22:13

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 22:14

Um, so did that, went to him and he was like, yeah, you do not have bipolar at all, so we're gonna get you off that Seroquel right now.

Kat Garcia 22:25

So 11 years of misdiagnosis and mis medication. Yes.

Jenesa Ross 22:31

Um, and then he was like, okay, why did you go on that? And I told him my symptoms and he's like, that sounds to me a lot like. You were misdiagnosed. Like a lot of women were in the 2010s, uh, because they had adult, they were women with adult A DHD. Oh, yeah. And I was like, okay. But it didn't get really bad. Like the reason I'm seeking it out now is because in 2019 I had a child and I feel like I'm going crazy.

Speaker 4 23:07

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 23:07

I can't remember anything. I can't, I can't focus, I can't do anything. I feel like I've straight up lost my mind. And he's like, mark things on this piece of paper. And he gave me a little quiz, which I'm used to taking anyway from my anxiety and depression.

Kat Garcia 23:27

PHQ

Jenesa Ross 23:28

and the gad.

Kat Garcia 23:29

Is it GAD seven,

Jenesa Ross 23:30

PHQ nine, and the GAD seven? Yeah, that's what it's Yeah. I take those every three months. Yep. Yep. Um, and, uh. My, my PHQ nine was the highest it could be. Oh yeah. At that point. Yeah. Um, and my depression was not great. Um, and oh my God, I had a DHD. What, what? Um, so we had to do a lot of slow med changes because it was, I mean, it was 13 years of meds.

Kat Garcia 24:09

Yeah. That was like in your system?

Jenesa Ross 24:12

Yeah. Or like yeah, 13 years. How

Kat Garcia 24:14

long? I don't remember. How long was the transition before you were like actually off the Seroquel? Um,

Jenesa Ross 24:23

I, I got switched from, 'cause we, we talked about why I was put on the Seroquel in the first place.

Speaker 3 24:29

Right.

Jenesa Ross 24:29

Um, and it was because I have a hard time with mood stabilization. So because I have a hard time with mood stabilization, the male doctor. Who didn't really care was like, Ugh, then you're bipolar. Ugh. No, it's because I have a hard time stabilizing my moods. Yeah. Because I have depression and anxiety. And a DHD, sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I can't thank God for specialists. I, I mean, I, this is probably me making excuses for him. I try not to judge him too hard on the mental health aspect things, because those are, that's like a niche thing. And if you don't have a lot of training in that, yeah. You are gonna misdiagnose things. And I feel like primary care physicians think they know things. 'cause they had to take like a psych class.

Kat Garcia 25:21

I mean, yeah, that would make sense.

Jenesa Ross 25:23

But it's so much deeper than that.

Kat Garcia 25:26

Well, and I think it, it depends on the, the doctor too, like. Like my, my PCP is like, how's your depression? How's your anxiety? Do I need a refill? Any of your meds? Are you still seeing your prescriber? How's that going? I'm like, it's great. He's like, cool. If you need anything, let me know.

Speaker 3 25:44

Yeah. Why wasn't like that? No,

Kat Garcia 25:46

I, I have been very fortunate in that the doctors have had who they either know something but know the limits of what they know or just like, I don't know really a lot of anything here, let me send you somewhere that does

Jenesa Ross 26:01

No. Which makes

Kat Garcia 26:01

me so mad for you.

Jenesa Ross 26:03

I, um, I don't have a good relationship with primary care physicians at all.

Speaker 4 26:10

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 26:11

I've never had one. I'm hoping that this one is a good one that I have right now who is new and I've only seen once. He was okay. He knew I was really anxious about it. 'cause he saw Justin first.

Speaker 4 26:25

Oh, that's right.

Jenesa Ross 26:26

He worked through his lunch. To like, and you were really anxious going into that appointment. I was, we were texting Yeah. A lot about that because he saw my husband first and he was like, oh, I have another Ross today. He is like, that's my wife. And he's like, oh, okay. And he looks, and he's like, that is a complicated list of concerns. Yeah. Because I have a very long list of things, um, that I'm working on.

Kat Garcia 26:54

Well, and you have, you have advocated for yourself when you need, when you think there's something going on. Yeah. Because you've had to Ma'am, just hang out in your little cone. Okay. We'll put pictures of how adorable you are while you hate me. She's like, um, she's destroyed that cone. Yeah. Yeah. Good girl. She looks like a little like babushka cat. She does a little bit. She also sometimes reminds me of the lamp from Pixar, like the Pixar lamp. There have been a couple times she's trying to

Jenesa Ross 27:35

get outta it. She's so pissed.

Kat Garcia 27:37

Yeah. Oh, she tries to get out of it all the time and she's like, I can't even give myself a bath. Thank goodness. It has like the sinchy. Oh, so it velcros and cinch. That's good. Yeah, that's

Jenesa Ross 27:48

been helpful. Um, so yeah, I went from Seroquel tranquilizers to a mood stabilizer and then we switched me off my anti-depression, anti-anxiety meds onto something else. 'cause I get real ragey when it's that time of the month. Uh, and so we started. Looking for something that was better for PMDD, which guess what? I do have that. Um, I could commit a lot of crimes while I am PMSing and I will feel bad about them later.

Kat Garcia 28:22

I could commit a lot of crimes. Oh, I love that. You know, it's helpful not to feel bad about it in the moment 'cause that means you'll be more effective at the committing of the crime.

Jenesa Ross 28:35

Yeah, but also like I have, I, I feel like that that would be harder to

Kat Garcia 28:41

get out of

Jenesa Ross 28:42

in

Kat Garcia 28:42

court. That's, this is not me telling anyone to go commit crime. No, don't do that. But just observing. We, we kid, we kid don't, please don't commit crimes and attribute it to this podcast. No. You can attribute other things.

Jenesa Ross 28:58

This is not, this is not legal advice or medical advice.

Kat Garcia 29:05

That's so true. Um, but how does, how does it feel now to have a doctor who like listened and was informed when you went in? It was kind of nice. Yeah. I

Jenesa Ross 29:15

mean, like, by kind of, I mean really, I almost cried. Um, he listened to me when I said that my hand joints hurt. Um, because I have something called, um, it's called scleroderma. It is a thickening of the skin tissue, and it is a very close relative of rheumatoid arthritis. And so I was told by a rheumatologist that I went to go see that if I ever have, start having joint pain, that is kind of like, am I getting arthritis? Like, is this, are my joints swollen? Are they sore? Like I also have very hypermobile finger joints. So like, are they getting stuck? And you're not able, 'cause they do.

Speaker 4 30:00

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 30:01

I'll like be pushing on my pen or whatever and like my joint will get stuck in the up position and I have to like click it back down. Oh. Um, so, uh, I was supposed to talk to my PCP, um, my, the past, the, the last one. Um, he was like, huh, well, I mean if you want to, we can go get, we can get you an x-ray and we can test you for RH factors or RA factors, um, in your blood. And I was like, okay. Um, and that's not kept. Um, so I went and got x-rays. There was no, uh, degeneration of the tissue, um, which is good. And there were no RA factors. That can change. Like just because you don't have them now doesn't mean you won't have them later.

Speaker 4 30:57

Yeah,

Jenesa Ross 30:57

they just haven't come out yet. And uh, I learned after, uh, talking with my new PCP, uh, what made him concerned was that I was still having the pain I was having months later and it was just getting progressively worse 'cause it's in my hands and

Kat Garcia 31:18

those are kind of important.

Jenesa Ross 31:19

And he looked at the X-ray and he is like, well yeah, there's no degeneration. 'cause you just started seeing symptoms like six months ago. Degeneration, especially with ra, it doesn't happen for a while. Like that is when you're having a problem. Yeah, that's when you're past the prevention phase. So, um, that doctor was waiting, the, the old doctor was waiting for me to have a problem apparently instead of taking care of the one I was having. That's, that's lovely, isn't it? Um. So now I'm on a medication that is for arthritis pain and I take it daily and I actually don't have sore finger joints every 25 seconds.

Kat Garcia 32:00

Yay.

Jenesa Ross 32:01

Which is nice.

Kat Garcia 32:02

It's

Jenesa Ross 32:02

validating too. You're like, I'm not crazy. I did know. So I did know what's happening. Doctors think I'm lying when I say I am pain tolerant.

Speaker 4 32:13

Yeah. Which

Kat Garcia 32:13

is dumb, which is annoying to me. Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 32:17

I didn't know I was pain tolerant until I was in labor.

Kat Garcia 32:20

Yeah, I remember hearing about that.

Jenesa Ross 32:23

But apparent, like apparently I am, and doctors think I'm lying like all the time,

Kat Garcia 32:30

which is just like,

Jenesa Ross 32:32

like if I say that I am in pain because I am not crying and squirming or whatever, I'm not acting quote normal. Um. Because I, I essentially have the pain scale of like someone with chronic pain.

Speaker 4 32:48

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 32:49

I don't necessarily have chronic pain, in my opinion, because I feel like the people that I know with chronic pain have a lot worse pain than I do.

Kat Garcia 32:58

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 32:58

But like my pain scale is kind of there like a seven. To me, I thought labor was like a eight or a nine.

Speaker 4 33:11

Huh.

Jenesa Ross 33:13

So if I tell you that I'm hurting at like a seven

Speaker 4 33:16

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 33:18

That's, that's pretty freaking high to me.

Speaker 4 33:20

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 33:21

Um, I mean, when I broke my ankle I was like, it's like a five.

Kat Garcia 33:27

Right. You're like, it's fine.

Jenesa Ross 33:29

I mean, just go walk on the, on it to the car and they're like, don't. Yeah. Right. It's

Kat Garcia 33:33

like, ugh.

Jenesa Ross 33:35

Um, but yeah, I just, I mean, it feels good that I'm being heard Good. And that I'm. I'm not getting written in my notes that I'm maligning. Ugh. I hate that. That's the worst. That's

Kat Garcia 33:49

Lily. Are you talking to your adoring fans? Oh, you are. Okay. You have a lot of feelings about that. I have

Jenesa Ross 33:57

a lot of feelings about this net around my head, mom. Yeah. Yeah,

Kat Garcia 34:00

you do. Yeah, you do. Do you think that your anxiety has gotten better? No. Knowing that you have somebody who's gonna listen, like your anxiety about like going to not like every day anxiety. You started grad school at the end of July. Your anxiety has just gotten worse. I was like, no, because I'm in grad school and

Jenesa Ross 34:27

I understand I have two jobs. I'm in grad school and I'm a mom and I'm trying to be a wife and stuff. It's like, yeah. I don't have a life, um, about the provider. Yes, I do feel like I am going to be heard, and if I have a concern, I can make an appointment and I can voice my concerns and they'll actually look at it.

Speaker 4 34:46

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 34:46

Um, what this new provider said when I, at the end of that appointment, um, the first one that we had, and the only one I've had really, um, was uh, I was like, thank you for listening to me. He goes, that is literally my job. And I was like, thank you.

Kat Garcia 35:03

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 35:04

For doing that part of your job.

Kat Garcia 35:06

Yeah. Yeah. Especially after having had the opposite for such a long time.

Jenesa Ross 35:12

Yeah. And it's been every doctor I've ever had.

Kat Garcia 35:15

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 35:16

They're all men, number one.

Kat Garcia 35:20

Yeah. And see the, the weird thing, like my experience with male doctors is the opposite. Like I have had, it's great for you. It's weird. It's weird, like I've had better experiences with the male doctors I've worked with than the female doctors with like one exception, but yeah. Well, and then like, I think after one of them also made me allergic to things and I broke out in hives and it was the first time I got high on Benadryl, on accident, and I was with my mother,

Jenesa Ross 35:54

and then he took it like peanuts. Well, we all

Kat Garcia 35:57

make

Jenesa Ross 35:57

choices. Um, I, having been to in a medical situation with you and seeing you interact with doctors, you aren't like overly pushy, but you are very, um, assured in how you speak to them, which is something I can't do.

Speaker 4 36:26

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 36:28

Because as soon as someone's like trying to gaslight me about what I'm feeling pain wise or health or like emotion wise, right? I'm like, you must be right. Right.

Kat Garcia 36:39

And you shut down because you're used to people disbelieving you.

Jenesa Ross 36:42

Yes. I even gaslight myself.

Kat Garcia 36:44

I mean, yeah. I gaslight myself. So the meds you're on now, how do you feel those are going after you're tranquilizer

Jenesa Ross 36:56

experience to like, I'm no longer a zombie. I've cried more in the past six to nine months or so, being like the full change has been there for about six months. Yeah. Um. I've cried more in that past six months than I did in the 11 years I was taking the Seroquel, and I fucking hate it.

Speaker 4 37:20

Yeah. Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 37:22

I severely dislike it.

Speaker 4 37:25

It's not great. I

Jenesa Ross 37:25

cry almost every week when I go to therapy.

Speaker 4 37:28

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 37:29

And then I say, I'm sorry, and then I get talked to about saying sorry for existing, and then I cry more.

Kat Garcia 37:39

Does your therapist tell you that it's okay for you to take up space? Oh

Jenesa Ross 37:44

yeah, she did yesterday. Kat, Kat and my therapist, I think, are the same person in different bodies.

Kat Garcia 37:52

I, I get that from a number of my friends. They're like. My therapist said the same thing. I'm like, I don't know what to tell you. I'm working on getting my, my degree. Okay. And then I

Jenesa Ross 38:02

usually see you on Saturdays and I have therapy on Fridays. It's terrible. So it's like, yes. She just said that less than 24 hours ago. So Yes.

Kat Garcia 38:12

It's so fucking annoying though. You're like, I can take up whatever space I want and it could be this little tiny spot right here. No,

Jenesa Ross 38:19

I can't. I'm not supposed to leave a trace.

Kat Garcia 38:21

Catherine, you made a spicy mischievous on the cusp of Light and Dark Jedi.

Jenesa Ross 38:30

Oh, she's her. She does her own thing. That's not me.

Kat Garcia 38:36

Okay. I mean, I think she's a pretty significant trace just to put that out there.

Jenesa Ross 38:41

She's not me. She's her.

Kat Garcia 38:43

Alright. I like the rationalization that's going into this. It's very nice. Very nice.

Jenesa Ross 38:48

I'm really good at it. I know.

Kat Garcia 38:50

That's why we have a good time.

Jenesa Ross 38:52

Oh, my therapist literally told me yesterday. Because, oh, back to the parenting of my child when I'm trying to reparent myself. Here we go. Perfect example. And Liz's been having that this thing where whenever we have to correct her for something. Yes. Anything. And it can be something really simple like, Hey kid, you forgot to pick up that toy. You left the toy over there. I did ask you to pick it up. You picked up the rest of them. Awesome job. But I also need that one picked up. And she's just like, oh, sorry. And she just gets really small in on herself. And at first I thought she was just doing it for like attention or something, and then I'm like, no, no, because Justin and I don't really give her attention for it. We're like, we're not mad at you, dude. Yeah. We just need you to go do the thing. Um, and uh. So I've been trying to figure out how to parent her through it and how to talk to her in a way that will help her see and understand that she's not in trouble. I'm not angry. None of those things. Like this is not, this does not have to be a negative thing, but it is a thing that does need to be handled.

Speaker 4 40:18

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 40:19

Um, and uh, I was telling my therapist that, 'cause I was just like, I don't, I don't know what to do and my therapist was not asking this question for any reason, but for, to like, gauge things a little bit. Yeah. This was not a read, this was not like a Hmm, like a, like that like sly side look that and everybody else do. I'm,

Kat Garcia 40:41

it's, I've perfected it over many years. It's like, but

Jenesa Ross 40:43

do you look uhhuh? So she, she looks at me and she goes. Okay. How many times a day do you, would you say? You say sorry. And I was just like taken aback and I just like crunched my chin into my neck.

Speaker 3 40:58

Mm-hmm.

Jenesa Ross 40:59

And you turtle hard. I turtled really hard and I was like, oh my God, it's me. And she was like, what? Because that's not the, like, that's not why she said it. That

Kat Garcia 41:13

wasn't where she was going with it. No,

Jenesa Ross 41:14

not at all. Um, and I was like, it's me. It's a learned behavior from me. And she was like, not what I meant, but tell me about that. Tell me more. And I was like, I apologize, like all the time. 'cause I feel like I need to. And she was like, oh, like when I didn't see you in the waiting room earlier and I came and got you. And I said, oh, I didn't see you there. And you said, sorry. I was like, uhhuh. And I was just like, yeah, that. And she was like, so you apologize for existing? And I'm like, no. Why are you talking to me like that? I don't apologize for existing. I'm a delightful person. I apologize for people having to remember that I exist when I'm gone.

Kat Garcia 42:07

Her brains are so fucking weird.

Jenesa Ross 42:09

Yeah,

Kat Garcia 42:10

they're so weird. And I like your therapist.

Jenesa Ross 42:15

Yeah, she's great.

Kat Garcia 42:18

But like making that connection even though that's not what she meant. You're like,

Jenesa Ross 42:22

fuck, I hate therapy epiphanies.

Kat Garcia 42:25

Oh yeah. No, they're the worst.

Jenesa Ross 42:30

Yeah. Yeah. That was a big one yesterday. And I told

Kat Garcia 42:34

Justin And you still agreed to come podcast with me tonight. I did. That was a choice. Yeah, it's 'cause I had cookies.

Jenesa Ross 42:43

No, I haven't eaten one.

Kat Garcia 42:44

I know you. There's a whole plate of cookies. Right there. And I haven't eaten any of this batch. Like none of them.

Jenesa Ross 42:50

Why? Because I was coming over.

Kat Garcia 42:51

No, like I took some, where'd I go? Oh, when we went up to Tiger Today can you do me a favor and take a picture of this? Yeah. That's happening.

Jenesa Ross 43:05

Fucking cat. Fucking cat with a fucking cat. Thank

Kat Garcia 43:11

you.

Jenesa Ross 43:12

You are welcome. Um, anyhow,

Kat Garcia 43:16

anything, I don't know what we're talking about.

Jenesa Ross 43:19

Me having feelings and,

Kat Garcia 43:21

oh, yeah.

Jenesa Ross 43:22

Feelings. Ugh.

Kat Garcia 43:24

Taking up space and having feelings. Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 43:26

That, see, I tried to forget it.

Kat Garcia 43:28

Yeah. Yeah. You did. You tried to remove yourself from that space. Didn't, didn't work

Jenesa Ross 43:36

back out of it.

Kat Garcia 43:39

How, how, I mean, I know it's been less than 24 hours, but like, how, how did that shift your thinking, like when you had that stupid therapy epiphany? Because those are the worst. They're so

Jenesa Ross 43:51

annoying. So those are the ones I talked to Justin about.

Kat Garcia 43:54

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 43:55

I don't tell him everything in therapy.

Speaker 4 43:57

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 43:57

Because then I'm having to rehash it. And a lot of times, especially lately, because we are doing inner child work, um, I don't have the capacity to break it down again Right. That night or whatever. Yeah. Um, so I, but I do tell him things that will impact like how we parent.

Speaker 4 44:23

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 44:24

Um, or how I relate to him or whatever. So that is one of the things I told him. And he got the smirk on his face where he's like, I could have told you all of this. Um, I can

Kat Garcia 44:38

see, I can see it on his face too, that like, like. That, that that kind of ches your cat, like mm-hmm. Please, with myself.

Jenesa Ross 44:47

Did did she, did she say that, that Kathy the canary? Yeah. Uhhuh. Did she say that? Uhhuh? Yeah. Did your therapist say that to you? Um, and, uh, so he is, I always, whenever I tell my therapist or anybody else, like how big of a support Justin is for my mental health and growth and development, I feel guilty because of how much he helps me. He, I'm always afraid that someone's gonna be like, you can't just use your husband as a crutch. But he's my best friend. Yeah. We've been together for 21 years. You've

Kat Garcia 45:29

been together longer than you weren't together?

Jenesa Ross 45:32

Yeah, we've been together for over half our lives and I mean. I If I can't go, if I can't go to him, who am I going to? That's true.

Kat Garcia 45:44

It's a Lucy. It is a Lucy. Oh, she just had a snacky snack. Oh,

Jenesa Ross 45:52

I'm taking a

Kat Garcia 45:52

cookie. So these are the cookies that everyone is like raving about if they're terrible. Tell me anything about where,

Speaker 5 46:02

when they get them

Kat Garcia 46:03

from you, when they, they eat them. Okay. John has requested multiple dozen. Ellie can, Ellie can eat like seven in one Go Uhhuh. Yeah. Uh, Rick loved them. Very sweet. That's why there's sea salt on them. I can taste

Jenesa Ross 46:21

the salt. It's good. Um, so I am a milk chocolate girl and I have been for a really long time.

Kat Garcia 46:29

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 46:29

But I think milk chocolate's getting to be too sweet for me.

Kat Garcia 46:32

Yeah, that's real. You know what's funny? Semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Jenesa Ross 46:35

Shut up.

Kat Garcia 46:36

Yep. No. Yeah, I got the Costco bag, 72 ounces of chocolate chips. Oh, you so,

Jenesa Ross 46:44

uh, also these are not semi-sweet.

Kat Garcia 46:48

No, no, they are not.

Jenesa Ross 46:50

Um,

Speaker 5 46:52

I mean, they're good.

Kat Garcia 46:53

They are good. I must send you home with some.

Speaker 5 46:56

They're good. Yeah. Um, but yeah, when it's something like that, I involve Justin and he's like, yeah, I know. And then he kind of helps me, um,

Jenesa Ross 47:12

by like, I'll say something, he's like, reframe that. Why? Or, or he'll straight up ask like, why are you saying sorry? And not in like that exasperated way that's like, why are you

Kat Garcia 47:25

saying sorry? Yeah. It's just like,

Jenesa Ross 47:28

I want

Kat Garcia 47:28

you

Jenesa Ross 47:28

to, to like, he, me, he picked up the language he knows and he's, that's helpful too. He's a yarn husband. He's, he's a dance husband. He's a dance dad. Yeah. No, he's Mr. Justin. He's Mr. Justin whose pants can't stay up at dance recitals makes everybody very uncomfortable.

Kat Garcia 47:46

His pants can't stay up ever.

Jenesa Ross 47:48

I think I'm gonna have to make him start wearing suspenders.

Kat Garcia 47:52

Suspenders, yes. When

Jenesa Ross 47:52

we're at dance concerts, because he just moons everybody and he's in charge of preschoolers.

Speaker 4 48:01

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 48:01

And he doesn't know he, it's so consistent that he cannot tell, literally cannot tell that half of his ass crack is out.

Kat Garcia 48:09

Yep. Bless him. Oh, Justin,

Jenesa Ross 48:15

he's, he is a pretty, pretty boy.

Speaker 5 48:19

I'm swirling a lot.

Kat Garcia 48:21

Yeah, that's okay. Can you tell

Speaker 5 48:22

my a DHD meds went, wore off about 20 minutes ago.

Kat Garcia 48:24

Yeah. Yeah, I can.

Jenesa Ross 48:26

Do you wanna like, actually talk about something that could like close off the, the thing yeah, sure. You're better at this than me. I don't know what to do.

Kat Garcia 48:34

So what is something, what is advice that you would give yourself like five years ago you, or 10 years ago? You,

Speaker 5 48:51

those are very different people.

Kat Garcia 48:52

I know.

Speaker 5 48:54

You want both or one. What do you want?

Kat Garcia 48:56

Pick one. Okay, fine. Five years ago, you, five years ago, me. What advice would you give yourself? Well,

Speaker 5 49:04

in September of the year of our Lord 2020

Kat Garcia 49:09

Yes. Continue. When the world, after the world stopped working. Yeah. And there were dolphins in Venice and the canals. Yeah. Continue.

Jenesa Ross 49:19

Yeah.

Kat Garcia 49:20

Yeah. When the world was, when,

Jenesa Ross 49:21

when like the ozone layer was just starting to be able to breathe a little bit. Yeah. And then we just fucked it all back up again.

Speaker 3 49:27

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 49:28

Um,

Speaker 5 49:30

and then we decided to dip out of any global

Kat Garcia 49:34

whatever,

Speaker 5 49:35

anything. Yeah. Anyway,

Jenesa Ross 49:39

I didn't pick him.

Kat Garcia 49:42

Very important. Yeah.

Speaker 5 49:44

Um, five years ago, me,

Jenesa Ross 49:52

Henley was like 18 months. Henley was my whole life then.

Speaker 4 49:55

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 49:57

So like when I say five years ago, me, Henley was 18 months. Because that's how I, me, I've measured my life up until very recently when I started doing things for me again.

Kat Garcia 50:10

Oh, okay.

Jenesa Ross 50:12

So can't say I was like super unhappy then.

Kat Garcia 50:18

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 50:19

But it was different,

Kat Garcia 50:21

right? It was very different.

Jenesa Ross 50:23

I was, I was mom, I was nursing three babies. Yeah. I was, I was, I was just starting to teach dance. I had no ambition to go back to school. 'cause I figured I just wouldn't, that would not be in the cards for me. And I did not think that, I, I don't even think I was really good friends with Ellie at that point.

Speaker 3 50:54

Mm-hmm. I

Jenesa Ross 50:55

didn't know Tricia. Mm-hmm. Um, I had some. I still had some very unhealthy relationships, like friendships that have since gone away. Yeah. Um, and I was still talking to my parents.

Kat Garcia 51:12

Yeah. That's a big shift.

Jenesa Ross 51:15

Um, the last time. Yeah. 'cause it was that la it was the next May that I was like, I'm out. Goodbye.

Kat Garcia 51:26

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 5 51:28

We're not coming back. Um,

Kat Garcia 51:32

that was, that was a tough one for you.

Jenesa Ross 51:36

It wasn't tough because I missed my, my mom, it was specifically my mother.

Speaker 4 51:40

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 51:41

Right. It was tough because I knew I was cutting myself off from my siblings. Who still lived with her. Um, but yeah, I, or not even like advice, I would, would you just tell yourself, I don't know. I would just say that 'cause that's when I started therapy, that's when I, I started actually looking after myself. I started creating boundaries. I started and it, I think it was because of Henley really, because up until that point, I hadn't had the pe, the people I was protecting were my siblings and I could only protect them so much when they still lived there. When. All of that stuff.

Speaker 3 52:32

Right.

Jenesa Ross 52:32

Um, I also had knowledge that like things weren't happening, so That's great. Sorry, I'm being so cryptic. Um, we love vague. It's good. Uh, how about this? If you, if you have this in your life, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Yep. Yep. Um, but Henley was the first time that something had happened and I had to have my mother watch her and it was overnight and I gave her the bedtime routine. It was something emergent had happened. Like it was not a choice of me leaving her, it was who I could have her be with.

Speaker 4 53:26

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 53:27

Um, and so. I gave her the, the night team routine. I gave her the list of foods that she eats. I gave her, like, her little schedule, all of that stuff. I, I enabled every part of taking care of her.

Speaker 4 53:43

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 53:45

Um, and when I came back to get her, I had brought over six diapers. There were, there were four left, and I'd been gone for 36 hours. Um, she had not been bathed. Um, and my brother was the one taking care of her, not while, while my mother took a nap. Um, so that was when I, I drew the line.

Speaker 4 54:27

Yeah. Um.

Jenesa Ross 54:29

Because I tolerated a lot of things for myself.

Speaker 4 54:32

Right.

Jenesa Ross 54:33

But I made a decision very early on in my pregnancy that that would not be happening to my child.

Kat Garcia 54:43

Right.

Jenesa Ross 54:43

None of it. Um,

Kat Garcia 54:45

I remember we talked about that.

Jenesa Ross 54:47

Yeah. A

Kat Garcia 54:48

lot. Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 54:50

Because I was really scared.

Kat Garcia 54:51

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 54:53

And I still am because I, that's the only parenting I know of a young child.

Kat Garcia 55:00

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 55:01

I mean, yes, I have Justin's parents, but I've only known them since I was like 18. I was grown up by then.

Kat Garcia 55:05

Right, right. It's a

Jenesa Ross 55:06

different kind of parent.

Kat Garcia 55:08

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 55:09

So, yeah.

Kat Garcia 55:12

But you're, you're doing things, you're consciously making different choices.

Jenesa Ross 55:19

And I think that that's what I would tell myself. Like, you're, it's a hard thing you're doing. And it feels really mean because you are used to being the punching bag.

Speaker 4 55:30

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 55:31

And you feel like you are abandoning your siblings. You feel like all of these things.

Speaker 4 55:39

Yeah.

Jenesa Ross 55:43

But another thing I've learned from this therapist is when those thoughts come in, I now have to ask myself, whose voice is it in? It's in my mother's. Yep. Oof. Yeah. And I hate it. Mm-hmm. Um, so I have to just kind of be like, okay, well who's, who is saying that met? And if it's not me, who is it and why? And do I need to tell them to fuck off? And if it is me, why is that? Yeah. Yeah. Um. Yeah. But yeah, I, I had all those feelings of like, I'm, this is not the right thing. Who does this to their parent? Like, she has been there for me through Henley being a baby. No, she wasn't. Anyway. Um mm-hmm. So I would just tell myself that you're doing, you are doing a hard thing, but a good thing.

Kat Garcia 56:48

I think that's good advice.

Jenesa Ross 56:50

That was a very long answer to that question. I like long answers.

Kat Garcia 56:55

No, it was good. Thank you for chatting with me.

Speaker 5 56:57

Yep.

Kat Garcia 56:58

And Lily, who I think is asleep on my left mostly. So with that, the cats and I are gonna go. Lily was very excited to participate in that episode. I don't know if you notice, but she is all over the place. Um, if you are not already, please like, share and subscribe to, sorry, that's my inside voice. Wherever you're listening. Also, make sure you're doing that for any podcast you listen to. It helps boost all the algorithm e things and it makes our day. Follow us on all the socials we are at, sorry. That's my inside voice on Instagram and Facebook, and you can check out the guest bios and other fun info at, sorry. That's my inside voice.com. Thanks for listening. We'll talk to y'all soon. Bye