Effective Communication in Marriage-Relationships

1. Learn to listen: We hear our partner talking all the time, but how often do we really listen? Hearing and listening are two different things. If you find yourself fighting back anger at what your partner is saying, busy preparing what to say as soon as you get a chance or interrupt, then you’re not listening. To improve communication, you need to learn to listen to what your partner is saying.  Active listening  involves listening to the thoughts and feelings expressed in words and body language. Effective listening implies hearing beyond the noise and words, it can help improve the connection with your partner and enable you to learn to be more patient with other people.
2. Set up a time out system: When communicating with your partner, the discussions don’t have to continue unabated until you reach a resolution or explode in anger. For effective and mindful communication, notice how you’re feeling during a discussion and ask your partner to do the same. Agree on a word or phrase for either one of you to say when you need a break or don't feel heard, such; “please stop,” “let's break,” “I need time out,” or “cool off.” This can help when either of you feel frustrated, on the verge of shouting or saying hurtful things, use the time out phrase, take a break and resume discussion when feeling calm.
3. Be Mindful of the Words you Use: The words you use make a difference; remember, once said, they can never be unsaid, unheard or taken back. Be mindful of the words you use when talking with your partner. Ask yourself whether what you’re about to say will help get your point across and further the discussion, or if it will only hurt or inflame. If it’s the latter, it might be time to use that time out phrase.
4. Pause and Ask if it Really Needs to be Said: Honesty and openness are vital in any relationship, but that doesn't mean you have to say everything that comes to your mind as it may be impaired. Pausing and rational thinking are important part of good communication. Notice when you want to say something born out of anger, frustration, desire to lash out or retaliate, pause!, find an alternative way to express your emotions e.g journaling, going for a walk, squeezing a cushion or listening to soothing music till you are calm to express your emotions and thoughts without being vindictive.
5. Check your understanding of What you Think you Heard:
    Seek clarity on what your partner just said to you if you’re not sure you understood. Paraphrase what you think you heard just to be sure you heard right. Use simple mirroring technique: e.g after one finishes talking, say something like; “so what you’re saying is ….” (and repeat what you thought was said in your own words). This gives you the chance to verify your understanding and gives your partner the opportunity to clarify. Ask follow-up questions such as; “how does that make you feel?”, “how best can we look at the situation"?, how would you like for us to resolve the issue? #Remember: feeling heard and validated promotes a better understanding of each other.
6. Use Empathic Listening; Put Yourself in their Shoes: Think about what your partner is saying, ask how that might make your partner feel, what would make them feel better and share your own feelings and thoughts about the situation. Imagine being in your partner's shoes and how it might feel. Unresolved?, seek marriage/relationship counselling.   Support our Podcast : https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new