How to Cope When Your Partner Pulls Away

Attachment Styles :  Anxious - Avoidant

           Why Do I Pull Away OR Hold On Too Tight?

• Understanding your attachment style is the first step to building healthier, more secure connections.
•   💞 Anxious vs. Avoidant Attachment Styles
• Attachment theory explains how early experiences shape our relationship behaviors. Here’s a simple breakdown of two common insecure styles: anxious and avoidant.
• 🧠 1. Anxious Attachment Style
• Core Fear: Abandonment or being "too much"
• Common Traits:
• Craves closeness and constant reassurance
• Fears being rejected or left
• Overthinks messages or silence
• Struggles with trusting a partner’s love
• May become clingy or “people-pleasing” to avoid conflict
• Rooted in: Inconsistent caregiving. Love felt unpredictable growing up.
• Relationship Patterns:
• Attracted to avoidant types
• May feel emotionally “high” when things are good, and “crash” when there's distance
• Can struggle with emotional regulation
  ❄️ 2. Avoidant Attachment Style
  Core Fear: Losing independence or being emotionally vulnerable
  Common Traits:
  • Values space and self-reliance
  • Feels overwhelmed by emotional closeness
  • May shut down or pull away during conflict
  • Finds it hard to express feelings or ask for support
  • Can appear emotionally distant or unavailable
• Rooted in: Emotionally unavailable or overly demanding caregivers.
  Relationship Patterns:
  • May view partners as “too needy”
  • Often feels suffocated by emotional demands
  • Tends to minimize their own needs
• When the pulling away happens, chasing may not be The right approach for an avoidant individual, it will create resentment, anger and bitterness because the person needs to re-energise 
• And if the person is angry, they often take longer to process , therefore, your constant communication will feel like nagging and further  create annoyances exacerbating the situation. 
• Whilst waiting for them to come around , you need to learn to self- regulate, be aware of things within your control and those beyond your control. You only have control over your thoughts, emotions and behaviour not that of others.
• Use journaling to process your thoughts and emotions
• Use mindfulness, go for a walk, go to the gym
• Notice your triggers and focus on positive things and support systems around you. 
• Ruminating and stressing about the situation will not make it disappear. 

❤️ If you’re ready to break old patterns and create more secure relationships, counselling can help. With the right support and self-awareness, you can build stronger, healthier connections starting with yourself.

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