Up-Level Your Life with Mindy

Finding Your Voice: Sabrina Victoria on Confidence, Community, and Personal Transformation

November 27, 2023 Mindy Duff Season 6 Episode 62
Up-Level Your Life with Mindy
Finding Your Voice: Sabrina Victoria on Confidence, Community, and Personal Transformation
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Can you imagine transforming from a timid wallflower to a voice that resonates and inspires? That's exactly what our guest, Sabrina Victoria, a dynamic community builder and social entrepreneur, has done. Sabrina's captivating journey of personal transformation and the power of community are at the heart of our discussion in this episode.

Pulling from personal experiences, we shine a light on the role of confidence in overcoming hurdles and unlocking success. We talk about the significance of previous triumphs, no matter their scale, and provide actionable strategies to conquer negative self-perceptions and enhance self-esteem. Additionally, we explore the impact of surrounding yourself with positive individuals and how it can lead to a more fulfilling life. 

Closing with a powerful conversation on vulnerability, authenticity, and sharing experiences, we also tackle the tough topic of toxic relationships. We offer insights into recognizing these hindrances and how to move past them for personal growth. Join us to hear Sabrina's inspiring story, learn from her experiences and continue your journey of personal development. You're sure to find your own voice, just as Sabrina did.

To learn more about Sabrina visit: 
https://www.sabrinavictoria.com/

To learn more about Mindy CLICK HERE

Speaker 1:

Hey friends, this is your host, mindy Duff, and you're listening to Uplevel your Life with Mindy, your number one personal growth podcast that will bring you closer to uncovering your greatest self. As a certified holistic health and nutrition coach, I created this podcast for anyone who desires to improve physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'll be interviewing experts and sharing tips and tricks that have helped not only my clients, but that have guided me on my own transformational journey. I believe that we all have a greatness that lies within. We just need to uncover it. Are you ready to level up? Let's begin. Hi everyone and welcome back to Uplevel your Life with Mindy. I am Mindy Duff, your host, and today I am chatting with Sabrina Victoria, and I am just excited for this conversation because I'm just um, all kinds of things that I'm interested in and hopefully, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you're interested too. We're going to talk about things like building confidence and finding your voice and all those sorts of live your best life types of things. Sabrina is a community builder, a social entrepreneur and I don't know probably a million other things right, sabrina 100. And I'm just so excited to have you on the show today.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it. I'm super excited to hang out with you.

Speaker 1:

Well, before we get into all these fun topics that I'm excited to talk about, can you just tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I uh, born and raised in Chicago. Uh, midwest girls, spent time in Ohio, pennsylvania. I now live in South Florida with all the palm trees. I've been down here about a decade, which I don't like to admit because it just makes me older, but, um, entrepreneur, I've been a life coach for a while, over 10 years and, uh, two and a half years ago because COVID pivoted into building out communities for female entrepreneurs.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that. That's such a such a needed area. I think, and even if you're someone that's listening, you're like well, I'm not an entrepreneur, you still are a person that needs community, and I think we can all recognize that the more community we have, the more we're kind of helping each other. Obviously, that just benefits everybody. So I think that's really really cool work that you're doing. Um, I, I know a little bit about your story and I just I think, um, well, I'd like to know what led you to doing this work that you're doing, given where you started, because you did not start outgoing. You know, it's not like you woke up one day and went, hmm, my life's perfect and great. I think I'll teach other people how to have perfect and great lives. That's not. That's not how things went down for you, is it? Yeah?

Speaker 2:

actually the exact opposite. Uh, if you would have told me I was actually just talking to somebody or messaging somebody back and forth like a day or two ago, and she's it's an ongoing conversation. But she reached out with my last story on Facebook and she's like oh, I just love your energy, I'm just obsessed with your energy. Like I wish I had the ability to talk about my passions and my business the way that you do. And I went back to an old YouTube channel that I had like 11, 12 years ago, and I went back to the oldest videos and found one and I sent it to her and I said this was me 12 years ago. Listen to it. And if you listen to it, I'm literally talking like this. I'm like so shy and I'm like in the dark, the room is all like dimly lit and I'm like so close. And I'm talking also not because, like of the conversation, but just because that is who I was as a person. I was just very shy, very timid, but I always felt I talk about this all the time. I always felt a gut, a light in my gut, like I knew. I knew there was something, even though it made no sense, because it was not like a parent anywhere in my life, but I felt something where I'm like there's something I'm supposed to be big, and I knew that I had to practice. So I just kept forcing myself to get in from the camera, continue to practice, and here I am now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's incredible and, I think, relatable too. I mean, I think we see a lot of people that are kind of out in the public whether it's a celebrity or just somebody that has a big following on social media or wherever you find them and we look at them and we are like, oh wow, I could never do that, or there's so much more fill in the blank than I am. But chances are they didn't start that way and most of the time I think that's why they're so inspiring is because they didn't start out big. Most leaders were not just on top of their game the whole way through. They've learned something. They've been where you are, just like you, and have figured out hey, here are some things that worked for me. Maybe they'll work for you. Take it or leave it, but I think that's why it's so inspiring. So that's so great that you were able to share that with her. To go back to those old videos how did that feel like for you going back and watching those old videos?

Speaker 2:

I love it. I love it, and the reason I love it is because I do that myself. There are people that I look up to now that are stepped right. We're always looking at people ahead of us. What are they doing? What can I mimic to get what they have? Right? You see something you like. Do what they do. You'll get what they have. And I'm constantly going back oldest video to look and see what did they look like, how did their setup look? And it brings me joy because I'm like, oh, they also started at the same spot. So I purposely leave my stuff up on purpose. That's not the first time I've ever given that video to somebody, but I leave my stuff up on purpose to remind people that there's a journey. There's a journey that you have to go on. You can't jump from zero to 100. You'll look like an idiot if you do that. If I got on stage 12 years ago, oh how embarrassing. You have to do the steps, and what I always tell people is, if you feel that, that feeling that I'm talking about, that gut feeling, if you feel that you got to get in the game now, yeah, because there's something coming for you, and if you're not prepared, it's going to pass you by.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

It's going to pass you by.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's oh, definitely agree with that. And it reminds me too of I don't I'm sure you probably know it when maybe listeners. If you're in kind of the entrepreneurial world, you maybe have heard of Marie Forleo. If you haven't, she's like a big, I don't know, I consider her kind of a bigger name in the entrepreneur world, but she, I think she's left her old videos up too and I want to say one of her first ones is, like you say, dimly lit. She's on a couch Like it's just her, you know, just doing her thing, and, yeah, very like we would think, oh my gosh, that's so embarrassing, why are you leaving that up? But I think it's so awesome that she does, because she is like leaps and bounds ahead of you know, most, or many of us at least. I mean, her videos now are professionally done studios and she's probably got hair and makeup and the whole, the whole deal. But she didn't start there. And whether you know, if you're listening to this and you're again thinking I'm not an entrepreneur, this is not relevant to me. I don't want to be on stages, I don't care about your video, or you know what I mean. There's something in your life where you want to get better at it and that could even be like a hobby. Maybe it's like your golf game. I don't know, I'm not a golfer. But wherever it is that you're looking at yourself and you're looking to others, that well, they're better and I want to get with it. You know where they're at. I think that's such great advice that you're set. You got to just just start Like you're not going to be, you're not going to be a hundred percent the first time you go. Try it, but you'll never get anywhere near it. If you don't try you don't start playing golf, you're never going to be a pro, right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, it's the same with you know, when you see the before and after with exercise or with diet, right, it's the same exact process. It's like this was me before and this is me now. It's the same exact thing, you know, with story. I told them this was me before and this is me now. And, yeah, same with with anything that you know this transformation all over the place and it's important to know where the person came from. So this way you can acknowledge like oh, okay, similar. And this is where the possibility is taking me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely. So now, with the clients that you're working with now, what do you see is the most common issue? Because I think that, regardless of what kind of person you're working with, a lot of times when we boil down the issues, they all kind of come down to the same handful of things. So what are some of the most common things that you see?

Speaker 2:

Definitely confidence. I mean, I think that's just number one. You know, for men and women. You know I predominantly work with women, but for men and women, and you know a lot of that is your, your back story. You know where you came from, how people view you and sometimes you know, tippy toeing around, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, not wanting to upset mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, husband. You know, whatever it is, I know when I first started talking about my story there was a lot of hesitancy around upsetting my parents or upsetting baby daddy. You know, because the story is very heavy. You know I talk about how. You know I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and I got pregnant at the age of 20 with no husband and emphasis on the no husband part, because, as a Jehovah's Witness, getting pregnant and not married is a sin, not just like, oh you, a sinner, it's a big sin. You get disfellowshipped, you get kicked out and you lose communication with every single person that you know, including your mommy and your daddy, you know. So I led this stereotypical single mom just broke life of no money, like the kind of broke where you're digging in the couch cushions for 25 cents to put gas in your car because you have no money in your bank account and you have no gas in your car, like that's the type of broke that I was with a baby and you know eviction notices on the apartment door, car getting re-pulled out of the parking lot wanting to commit suicide. You know, dealing with postpartum, wanting to, like, do bad things to my baby because of this, but not knowing about postpartum, so just feeling like a psycho mother. I mean it was just awful. And people can hear the story and they can point fingers like, oh, how dare they do that to you, oh, how dare they do that to you, and that could be a scary thing to start to talk about. But that story is the catalyst for who I am now. So it's part of my story. It's something that I felt as if I had to share in order to give context to who I am one and to give hope to other people. Number two and you know, when people think about stepping up or stepping out, it's a lot of times tied to something else. You know, not wanting to hurt someone else's feelings, not wanting to. You know, I want to be a comedian but my mom wants me to be a doctor. Those are real things where people have this thing. They're like I want to do this big thing, but my mom and my dad want me to be an accountant. You know, these are, these are things that hold people back, and if you're lacking in confidence, if you're lacking in authenticity, if you're lacking in boundaries, you wind up dying by the time you're 30 or 40 years old. Yeah, metaphorically.

Speaker 1:

Yes, absolutely. And I would even add to that that some of that is you know, when you talk about sure, there's the obvious Well, my parents have said they want this for me and I can't. I don't want to go the other direction because I don't want to disappoint them. But there's also like implied things or conditioning things that you've picked up as a child, where maybe you still have that internal. Well, I don't want to let that my mom and dad down, even though they're not even saying anything. You've just internalized it and that's like a whole nother thing where you're kind of making up in your head what you think other people expect of you or want of you. And now you think and a lot of this is happening subconsciously, some of it that you might have a little bit of awareness too, but some of it's happening subconsciously and that again it does the same thing. So it may not be something where you're going well, they don't. My parents don't say I mean, I'm that way. My parents have never said, oh, we expect this of you. They've always just been like go do your thing. But internally, do I have some things that I have interpreted. Oh well, maybe I shouldn't do this because I was raised in a certain way that made me believe nothing on my parents. It's all about me and my own interpretations of things. So that's another thing to kind of like untwist too.

Speaker 2:

Love that. Yeah, so true, and I think that Cause I like this other video. It's done. You know, they say that two things that'll make a person move is pain and pleasure. Those are the only two things. You can move quickly because of pain, or you move quickly because of pleasure, and they say pain is stronger than pleasure, and a lot of that reason why? Is because of the perceived pain.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Not the actual pain. So yeah, so true Love it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Perceived pain because you know, maybe well, I know you've been in this situation Maybe a lot of listeners have had financial difficulties at some point. Maybe, but most of the time for, I would say, the bulk of us we probably weren't to the point where we're digging in the couch cushions for 25 cents, but we're afraid that that's going to happen because, oh no, I didn't get that promotion. Or oh no, I just found out I have this giant car bill, or oh no, and we have all this fear and anxiety wrapped around that. But it's actually not happening right now. Like there's no literal wolf at your door that's like, well, I'm here to eat you, like this hot second. But a lot of that is again just like kind of perceived in our head. So, yeah, so many things to unpack there.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I do a podcast episode on that 100%, but a lot of it comes back to what you're talking about as far as, like, what's the biggest problem? And I really think that all of that stems from confidence, right Like if you had the, if you had that a bill, a big car payment and you had the confidence and the ability to know that you can create money like this. There's people that can do that. They can literally create money out of nothing. That's confidence. Yeah, Absolutely. So. Being able to trust yourself and your own ability to be able to show up for yourself is a big deal.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I agree and I think that, yeah, that pain, that perceived a wolf at the door, is kind of again, like you say, what moves you, spurs you into action a little bit, so it's not all it's for your benefit. It's just sucky, I guess, during the time.

Speaker 2:

I have this slogan that I've been saying probably since I was 26, 27 years old because of my story, where I started off just telling myself, like my inner child would have, everything's going to be okay, and really have honed in on the confidence and my abilities and now everything is going to be okay. It's not just like a mantra that I say to myself, but it's very much like I've done so much and accomplished so much and I pulled myself out of so many dark places that literally everything is going to be okay. Like, literally I can handle it. And I think we all have that Like. We all have like. One of the things that I used to do with my clients back in the day when I had more regular clients now I run a community is write a list of all the things you've done and not just like, ooh, I won a dance competition. No, like actual things, like fell in love, had a baby, got divorced, left an abusive relationship, you know, pulled myself out of debt bank, you know, whatever. All the things. We have lists. There's so many things that we've all done that were really hard to do and we like negate them. We forget all of the accomplishments that we've done. If we didn't like get an award for it, then it's like unworthy of being acknowledged. But we've all done so many things. So I tell people write it down, have a list of all of the heartache and the shit that you've gone through and reread it and remind yourself, because that is the list that continues to build the confidence. Yeah, your ability to be able to do the next hard thing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think you're right, we don't look back at some of us, don't look at our accomplishments at all. Even if you received an award, you may be oh well, of course I received that because you know you kind of poo poo it or whatever. But yeah, we've all gone through things and maybe you didn't go through a big, giant, huge thing. But I would even throw in add like small things that were a big deal to you. I'll tell you what? on Wednesday, there's two days ago, I got up at 5.30 in the morning and I went for a run on my treadmill. That for some people would be like, okay, I do that every day. Why are you talking about this? That was so huge for me. I am a sleeper. I hate getting up early in the morning. I have to just to get my kids up and out the door. I have to be up before seven but I don't naturally. I'll never wake up, naturally, before seven. It's just not in me. But I've been frustrated with how busy my schedule's been laying lately. I feel like I haven't been getting my workouts, like certain days it's like gosh. I look at the calendar and like if I don't get up it ain't going to happen.

Speaker 2:

And I said you know what?

Speaker 1:

I prioritize this today and I'm going to do it. And I did and I drove my son to school. He's in high school and I was like, hey, aren't you proud of me. I got up at 5.30 and I went for a run today and he's like all right well you're crazy, but I'm like no, I'm going to like recognize this because this is not normal for me, and then it's just that that reminder of you can do hard things.

Speaker 2:

Totally.

Speaker 1:

And getting up at 5.30. Is that as hard as pulling yourself out of debt? No, is that as hard as leaving an abusive relationship? No, but still I'm going to acknowledge it.

Speaker 2:

It's still a, thing, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So, aside from this list, do you have any other tips for us on how to build confidence? Because I'm glad that you mentioned that. You know it's not like you're either born with it or you're not. You can help build it. So what else can we do?

Speaker 2:

Do scary things. That's it. There is nothing else. One of the biggest frustrations that I have to this day is individuals that try to tell me that they have low self-esteem or low confidence because of something or because of someone. And, yes, okay, and building confidence is all about stepping into fear. It's very similar to what we were just talking about. You have to do hard things. You have to, like do big things, you have to do scary things, you have to do things you've never done before in order to grow your ability to be able to do that Funny story, which my fiancee may or may not appreciate me telling this story, but we have a door code for our front door. Every I don't know four months or so, five months, six months, we change the code just to like make sure somebody was looking over our shoulders. We have a 19 year old son in the house, like just making sure, and I always change it. Why have I changed it? Like I just keep forgetting. It's been probably a month or so. He keeps writing me. I just keep forgetting it's on the list. I just it's like not a priority for me at the moment. So I was making dinner and he comes up to me. He's like oh, by the way, remember, change the door code. And I was like, boy, you changed the door code, like I don't have time, I'm cooking right now. You changed the door code so I get him the little pamphlet that came with the door. That's like 72 pages long or something ridiculous, right. And I'm like here's a little pamphlet thing. It's not really that long but it's pretty big, and I'm like you figure it out, you. The directions are in there. He literally, girl, was like yelling. He's not an aggressive person, but like his type of yelling he's. He's like the less aggressive. I'm way more aggressive, but like his type of like this sucks, I can't do it. I'll pay you 20 bucks, like all these things. And I'm like I believe in you, I know you can do it. Read slow. You're not on a timer, there's no one rushing you, your dad isn't hovering over you telling you you suck as an individual. Like this is a great exercise for you to do on your own. Nobody's over there judging you. You can read it as slow as you want, girl. It literally took him 30 minutes to do something that it takes me like 30 seconds to do for real. Oh, wow. But when he did it. He shouted out, he was like, yes, we're gonna do it. And then he thanked me later on that night. He's like, hey, I know I was being a total pain in the ass like a big baby for doing, for like acting that way with the door code, but thank you for pushing me to do it because, like that felt so good to me and exactly what you're talking about the little things, great example, something that he didn't think he was doing. He was even like this is the thing you do, this is your good thing that you do. I do other things, like fix the car. I do other things like the plunge the toilet or whatever. It is right, he's naming the things that he's good at. He's like this just isn't something I'm good at, but he pushed himself and he did it and that's what we're talking about. It's not like what Mindy said, where you have to, like, climb Mount Everest. It's do something continuously, daily, by daily, weekly, that pushes you out of your comfort zone, that frustrates you, that starts to create some boiling of anxiety within your body. Take the time, figure it out and I'm telling you, the smallest of littlest things is what starts to create that confidence in being able to do it. Because this is the thing Next time my fiancee, for the rest of his life, comes into a scenario where maybe my son moves into his new place and gets a door code, my fiancee will be able to, with 100% confidence, say, hey, I got that, I can do that for you, whereas before he wasn't able to do that. And that's what we want to be able to do. We want to be able to take things and we want to be able to say, hey, I can do that. A new promotion and work, I can do that. But getting healthy, waking up at 5 AM, hey, I can do that, I've done that before. I can help you do that because I've done that right. Mindy's neighbor could come to her and just recently had a baby and trying to get rid of her baby weight and be like, oh, I don't have time, blah, blah, blah the only time I was in the morning. But I can't. And Mindy can be like girl, I got you, I can wake up at 5 in the morning, I can do that and I can help you and I can assist you. And that's where the community comes together. That's how we start building humanity. Together is doing hard things, creating the confidence to be able to do them, and then help other people build that confidence in the same exact arena. And that's the cycle. But you're either in the game or not in the game, and I'm telling you it's way more fun to be in the game.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, oh, that was so great and I think that when you do those things, no matter how big or small again, it doesn't really matter how how big or small of an activity it is. What matters is what it means to you. So, like your husband getting that door code programmed, for most of us we're like all right. Well, good job, you did it. But for him let's just say that he's a person that has always struggled with technology or those types of things. He is, and that's always just been in his brain. He's just labeled himself as well I'm not techie, I can't do that. So anytime anything techie comes along, his brain was like OK, you're techie or you're not techie, you can't do this, you can't do this, you can't do this. Well, he just proved to himself that he can do it. So now, the next time any techie thing comes along, he and not only will he just be like, oh, I know how to do this doorknob, but he'll have that memory of oh, no wait, I can do this because I did it before. I think of a time when gosh, this was. I don't want to say how many years ago. It was a while ago, it was probably like almost 20 years ago but I was chaperoning this trip up to the boundary waters. I don't know if listeners have been up there. It's the up between Minnesota and Canada where it's just water and you can go canoe up there, and it was completely remote. You have to carry everything with you in. There's no bathroom, it's just a hole in the ground Like it's. You're roughing it to the extreme. There's bears, that's a whole deal, but it's beautiful and it's fun. I loved it. And then on the way back, so I'm chaperoning in their incoming freshmen this is a summer trip and we're in canoes and I'm in a canoe with me and this freshman girl who decided she wanted to be in the back of the canoe because she just wanted to try the back and the back I don't know if you know that's like the most work. Yeah, in the front, you know you still have to do paddle, but we were, you know, paddling along and then we got to the very end of like, where this is the final stretch and it opens up into this huge lake, and it was the windiest windy day I've ever seen in my life. The white caps were so big they were coming into the canoe. There were several other kids that had to pull over and dump water out of their canoe because they sink. And it was one of those where if you don't stop, you're like you're going to go backwards. This wind is so strong it's literally going to pass. You put you backwards and I kept like yelling but like you're doing a keep going, like a sheet, and I am like an adult struggling here. But I can't stop, because a like we're not ever going to get there and B like I have to be her leader, cheerleader, coach, whatever. She's got the power spot in the back If she stops. Like we're both really screwed, like I can't do this from up here, we can't switch spots, like it's too windy, you know, whatever. So we have no choice but to go forward. We just had to keep, no matter how much our arms hurt, no matter how much, whatever, we just had to keep going. And when we got onto the shore, I had all the kids were kind of like they pulled their canoes up and there's a whole big group of them and they're standing there just like looking at the lake. Because it was just ridiculous. It looked nasty out there and I they were like man, that sucked and I was like, yeah, but you did it. Yeah, you did it. Like don't you feel freaking amazing right now? Because look at what you just did? And that has been a moment, like I say, it did happen probably close to 20 years ago, but I I go back to that moment in my brain often because I just remember I did it, I didn't have it, didn't feel like I had a choice and we could have pulled over and just sat there for hours and hours, I suppose, but we didn't, we just kept going and it you know that room again reminds you you can do hard things. Your brain quits way before your body and you can, even if you're not doing a physical activity. You can turn that ego down and say, all right, you think I can't, but I'm going to just. Let's just prove it. Prove that I can't. Let me just keep going until until I have a choice but to stop Right 100.

Speaker 2:

What a beautiful story. That's so cool. I love that and really being able to show up for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she wanted to quit too.

Speaker 1:

Oh God, oh yes, yeah, I mean she's just this 14 year old kid. Yeah, I'm in my 20s and like not super athletic, but like an adult with adult sized muscles. She's just a 14 year old kid. Like steering and doing all the power in the back of this boat. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

That's so beautiful and whether or not she recognizes it or not, like now or any point in her life. That helped, yeah, but that's like in her unconscious mind yes, she did that. Yeah, that is a confidence builder that she gave herself. And you, you know you were there to be the lead for her. So beautiful, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

That was quite, quite the moment so yeah, yeah. So everybody listening, maybe you haven't been canoeing with a 14 year old, but I guess I would encourage everybody to take a minute and like reflect back on your life, because you have done like you say make that list done some hard things, that sometimes they're hard and sucky and we just want to like move past them and just be like that's done, that's next, what's now? Like I don't think about it anymore, but let yourself go back and think about it, because there's so much good that can come from those those hard moments, so much confidence building. One question that did come up for me as you were talking about this so, when you were talking about people having kind of excuses well, I can't, because I'm this way or this happened to me, or whatever their excuses are. What are your thoughts on people who have this belief that they're not enough for? Doesn't matter the reason. We can throw a million different reasons out there, but the core belief is somehow something's wrong with me, I'm different, I'm not enough. How does, how does building confidence help that? Or does it help that? Or can you build confidence when you believe you're not enough?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, definitely 100%. You know one of the to everything we already said Right Another added thing that I did early on is and this is incredibly simple Anyone can do this. There's so much time that spent watching TV, listening to music. One of the things that I did early on is I would Google or now it might be like Spotify inspirational stories or motivational speakers and having someone in your ear daily telling you that you are capable, that anything is possible, that you are worthy. It really starts to embed itself in your mind because all day, just like what you're saying all day long, I'm not good enough, I can, I shouldn't, I didn't, I what? All the things, all the negative, fat ugly, whatever, quiet, shy, introvert, all the things. And what happens is when you have that in your ear and then it starts to take an hour a day, it starts to like play tricks on you. We're like wait a minute, I can, and that's what happened to me. I always joke that. You know, one of the reasons why I started in all female community is because I was actually saved by white old men and I was like I'm not going to be saved by white old men. Wasn't because I went out looking for white old men was because back then, when I would Google inspirational stories, motivation, whatever speakers, google would give me 100 white old men before they would give me a female, yeah. So I would just click on the first, like 10 that would show up Tony Robbins hosting I'm not white, by the way. Great motivational speaker, great story. And every day I would just put them in my ear and they would be telling me you can, you are, and I started to believe them. I started to believe them. I have so much great foot. I am so grateful of how redundant their story is, how often they tell their story, and I think that's why podcasting is so amazing, like individuals, like Mindy, who are helping women's stories be seen is. It's the redundancy. You can't just hear it once. You can't just hear you're great, you're worthy. One time you have to hear it over and over and over again, because the redundancy of the negativity is there. That's why we believe it. So you have to cognitively Is that the right word? You have to decide to put positives redundancy, you can, your word, you are in order to overcompensate for the negative thoughts that are already in your head, just already there. So I don't remember what the exact question was but another added tool that's so easy, so easy. So, instead of turning on your fever pop star when you're, you know, walking or taking the bus or driving or whatever you're doing washing dishes, you can ask instead for a positive, inspirational podcast or lecture or talk that can start to put some awesomeness in between your ears instead, and then allow yourself to sit in the curiosity of what?

Speaker 1:

if, yeah, yeah, I love that. And I think one of the key things about what you're saying is the consistency of it, because you know, I, you can listen to a motivational speaker. We've all probably heard or seen a TED talk or a little clip or something and we're like, oh, wow, that was really good. And then you scroll on to the next thing. Okay, and so it's not that that didn't do any good for you, it did. But if you're really trying to make a big shift, like what we're talking about here, and make an actual change in your life, you can't just it's like working out you can't just go for a run one day and then never run again for six months and expect that you're going to see any kind of physical change in your body. It's just not enough. You need the consistency. And if you're thinking, oh, the consistency is so hard, yeah, it is hard. So rewind back into this podcast when we were talking about doing hard things. That's going to build your confidence. So, as you were talking like, oh, this is full circle right here, so if you just find that thing whether it's the motivational speaker or some people like affirmations, it's doing the same thing, and I want to throw this in here. This is kind of a revelation I've had recently. If you're like not quite buying into this whole concept that it's going to, you know, kind of reprogram your mind or whatever. So this summer, end of July, I was in a speaker competition and I had a short little, I remember three minute, five minute speech and I had to have it memorized like word for word, completely memorized. And so I was practicing that sucker every chance, like in the hotel room, in my Uber, on the way from the airport, like everywhere I went. I was just like running through it in my head. I was reading it just constantly Cause I needed. I was a little worried I wasn't going to remember, because this was something where I needed to stick to the script, and I don't usually when I talk. So, um, okay, it came and went. I memorized it. It was fine. Part of my story is in this talk. Right, it's just it's about me. And then I found that as I was going back to work later, like a month later, and I'm working on businessy things and I'm typing things whether it's a social post or something for a podcast or a description and I'm typing sentences, I'm noticing that phrases from my talk are popping up because they're just like in my brain now and I didn't have to stop and think, oh, what did I say in my talk? No, it just the phrase flew out of my, my pen as I'm writing it down, like naturally, and it was appropriate for that situation, but it was like oh, yeah, yeah, that's right, but it's from, it's like word for word, a phrase from that talk. So that's just an example of you know, I've even thought of that with my, because I every once in a while I'll do affirmations, maybe, that's, maybe I need to memorize them, like take it one step further, to really like get them kind of in my brain deeper and see if that's different than just listening to it and kind of mentally repeating it. I don't know, I haven't tried it yet, but yeah, so I like the idea of listening to whatever resonates with you, to really but consistently, daily, getting it into your brain, definitely, yeah, yeah 100%.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I have a TED talk coming up and we have to do the same thing. You have to memorize. Yeah, Mine's 13 minutes. Yeah, that's a little with no slides. Oh, yeah, yeah, I would you know. What's funny is I was just. I was just interviewing a woman. What did she say to me? She said, oh, it just left my brain. Oh, it was so good, Mindy. What did she say? What was we? What were you just talking about? The TED talk? Oh, I don't remember. I had something on the tip of my tongue that was so good. It's all right.

Speaker 1:

So, sabrina, I know you are all about people being the best human that they can be, and I am just wondering what is one thing or maybe there isn't just one thing but if you had to pick one thing that you wish everybody would do, and if you were to just rise up and be a better human, what's that one thing we all need to do?

Speaker 2:

Um, I would say Sit down and dissect the five closest people to you. This first step. So often we have individuals in our life that are consistent and they're not helping us and a lot of them are low key, low key hindering us. Tell another quick story real quickly as we're wrapping up here. Best friend, best friend, I don't know how long 15 years maybe I started to grow in my empire that I am in the beginning workings of. I've been a life coach for about 10 years now, so I've been building my network I can build in my community, at the working of myself and my personal development, and I'm a totally different person. Just like I was telling you with my video, I'm a totally different person. Now then, and three years ago, um, I could feel the relationship kind of like shift. Like a weird shift happened. She wasn't really returning my text messages and wasn't calling and wasn't really answering and I could feel even on social media she stopped like answering or liking or commenting. Who would always like make sure we were there for each other. That way, just everything stopped and I kept doing my thing with her and there was nothing on my end and then, all of a sudden, one day, she just ghosted me across all platforms, totally ghosted me and girl. I was so devastated. This was like my person. We used to joke at her if you watch Grey's Anatomy. But like Christina and Meredith are like best friends but they're like cooler than best friends so they don't call each other best friends because that's like stupid and like a line. They call each other you're my person. That's like the type of relationship we have. We told each other everything dark, dirty, all the things. And like you are my person. That was like our thing and I just I have no idea. Center one last text message that did not acknowledge anything, just like Miss you, hey, never respond blocked me on everything she had already done. That didn't never responded to the text and it took about a year. I never reached out to her again anywhere. Took about me a year for me to be good. I was like crying, but I was like it was a breakup. I was emotionally distraught for a long time and suddenly I don't even know what happened, but there was this realization that she was holding me back without even saying a word to me, because when I would get on the phone with her, I never felt comfortable totally talking about all the awesome things that was going on in my life, because not a whole lot of good things were happening to her life. So before I would get on the call with her, I would have to think in my head of, like some shit, some, like something dumb that, like the toaster oven doesn't work. You know, refrigerator light is down like some dumb crap to like complain about. Life is so shitty. It's raining today in South Florida with all the probably just something, and very rarely what I talk about really awesome things. I talk about maybe a couple of things, and I was low key, kind of like not pushing myself as quickly because I was being empathetic and loving and caring towards, like not wanting to hurt her. We kind of were talking about this in the beginning, actually kind of like not full showing up fully and authentically because we're afraid of hurting someone. Wow, this did come full circle. So a great example right there. Right, yeah, I wasn't able to step into who I am now and I probably wouldn't even be where I am now. Yeah, because I wasn't moving as quickly, because I was making sure she was like comfortable with my movements, whereas once it cut off, I was like I never had to think about her. I never had to be like, ooh. If she sees this post, ooh, what is she going to say? Ooh, is this going to hurt her feelings if I'm too close to another female? Or if I say like, ooh, mindy and I had a great time today and she was so phenomenal, I felt so connected to Mindy. I wouldn't say that because I wouldn't want to offend my person, right? So there are possibly people in our lives that are holding this back, and I'm not saying like go through and just slash all your relationships. I'm saying just sit down and dissect it a little bit. Yeah, just who are you hanging out with and are they helping you step into a bigger, brighter world, the world that you want to be in? Her, or is there something like reins being pulled on you? Yeah, and if there are, you might need to start looking for new relationships to start spending more time with, to start replacing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So, as heard as I was, now looking back, I am so grateful because I never would have left her.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I think that's so just what you just said there. You never would have left because you probably, unless you did this exercise, to stop and go. Okay, let's take a look at the five closest people in my life and how are they supportive and what's the energy like when I'm with them and do, do, do, do, do, do. If you wouldn't have sat down to do that. I mean, we don't pay attention to those things. We're just well, that's my friend and we hang out and we've hung out forever and that's just what we do and this is who we are. But yeah, they really can hold you back and you're right, you don't have to just go blocking all of them from your social media or whatever, drastically like oh my gosh, I just realized that you're a negative influence of my life. I'm going to speak to you again. I have found because I've had relationships like this in my life, I have found that if you just keep diverting your energy towards what you're wanting in life and going after, whether you know positivity things and working more on your business, or you know your relationships going to take priority, whatever it is, those relationships that are not supportive of you will start to just fall away, just naturally. They'll just kind of dissolve. You'll just kind of hear from them less. You'll not have, maybe, quite the time to spend with them because, well, I'm spending time over here now and it just kind of fizzles away. So I like to speak in terms of energy and it like attracts, like so you know I've been where you are, where, oh, you've got that negative person. So, okay, what's crappy in my life? You know, I know exactly what you're talking about. So then you're kind of feeding into that. But if you can meet that crappy energy with, even on your own, when you're by yourself, what's going great in my life. This is who I want to be. I want to think of all the positive things. It's almost like it repels All that, those negative people and they just like can't even get to you or they don't even want to get to you because you know the energy is just not a match. So, yeah, that's such a powerful story that I think is really relatable, probably for most of us that are listening. So thank you for sharing that with us. Thank you for sharing so many wonderful things with us today. I love talking about this stuff. I don't want to say like I'm not like I know it all. I know a lot about this stuff. I talk about it, but I learned quite a bit from you today as well some different perspectives, having people on the show, because every time somebody explains it, you know you're using your voice in a unique way and that's going to land differently. Even if it's similar information it's, you're always going to. Oh, I never thought of it like that, or I never, you know. So I so appreciate you being on here today, Sabrina, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for having me. I had a blast. I love conversations like this.

Speaker 1:

And now, if people are listening and they're thinking, oh, I like this Sabrina lady to and they want to learn more about you. Where can they go to find more?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so my main website, Sabrina Victoria made it as easy as possible. Calm has everything all my social media, all the communities that I run and would love to connect with, love, a DM and so reach out, say hello, follow and all the goodness.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I will, of course, put that link in the show notes so people can just find you with a click of a button and everybody that's listening. I hope that you gained as much as I did from this conversation. If you've got some little tidbits or maybe something you related to, don't hesitate to reach out to me or Sabrina. I'm sure you're just like I am, sabrina. I love to hear when people have oh my gosh. That touched me because XYZ love that stuff, love it, love it. So don't hesitate. Wherever you're at, I hope you're having a fantastic day and I will catch you on the next one. That's it for today. Friends, if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe or, even better, leave a review and let me know what resonated with you the most. The more you tell me what you love, the better I'm able to create future episodes with even better content. I'm sending you so much love and light. I'll see you in the next episode.

Uncovering Your Greatest Self
Overcoming Challenges and Finding Confidence
Building Confidence Through Accomplishments
Overcoming Challenges and Building Confidence
Harnessing Positive Influence for Personal Development
Toxic Relationships and Personal Growth
Gaining From Conversation and Future Engagement