Ep 111. Working Memory and ADHD: Why You Keep Forgetting (and What Actually Helps)

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Struggling to remember simple steps—like turning on the oven or sending that important text—even when they really matter? You’re not alone. In this video, I explain what working memory is, why it’s often challenging for ADHD brains, and simple, real-world strategies you can use to stop dropping the ball.

You’ll learn:
- The difference between working memory and attention
- What forgetting really means for people with ADHD
- How to create support systems so you can rely on your brain (instead of fighting it)

If you’ve ever had to dig the brownie box out of the trash to re-read instructions, or forget the day/time of an appointment before you could write it down—this video is for you.
 #ADHDInsight #WorkingMemoryADHD #AttentionVsMemory #ExecutiveFunctionCoach #LateDiagnosisADHD
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I’m Donae—an executive function coach helping ADHD adults build compassionate, sustainable systems. You don’t have to be perfect—you just need tools that fit your brain.

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Transcript

Podcast: Working Memory Help

[00:00:00] Welcome to ADHD Crush course. My name's Donae and I'm an occupational therapist and an executive functioning coach.

 and I record this podcast to help people with ADHD and executive functioning struggles make life easier. So if you are new here, welcome. If you've been here for a while, I'm glad you're back.

 I'm all about learning things in your preferred mode of learning.

 I have a new YouTube channel, the ADHD Clarity Coach, if you prefer video, you can watch a video of our topic. And if you prefer audio like me, you can keep on listening to the podcast while you do other things, which is sometimes really helpful for those of us with ADHD.

Either way, you'll learn the exact same things because it is the exact same talk.Today, I want to talk about working memory, what it is, what it looks like when it's a difficult thing for us, and what to do if it is difficult for you. So, working memory is a different kind of memory.

 it's memory that you use to hold things in your head while you're doing them. Basically, you know, you're not, Remembering this long term. So working memory. Let me [00:01:00] show you my little example, like a good example would be this, making brownies. There's like four or five steps back here, and working memory lets me read, okay, set the oven to three 50, coat the bottom of the pan with non-stick cooking spray.

Okay, here that step in my head here, I read it out loud and working memory lets me hold that information in my head while I waddle over to the oven and turn it on and get my materials out. If I get to the oven and I'm like, was it 3 25? Was it three 50? Was it 3 75? Go back to the box. Look, again, that is a working memory issue, right?

I wasn't able to hold that information long enough in my head to do it now. That is different than an attention issue, right? An attention issue might be, somebody's giving me these directions, they're saying, Hey, set the oven to 350, and I didn't even hear the directions. So when we're looking at working memory, we want to, we want to kind of weed out.

Did I even get the information in the first place? And if I did, could I hold it in my [00:02:00] head that's working memory. Did I get the information as attention? So we'll talk more about that later, but, so if you've ever had to dig this box or a box like it out of the trash three or four times trying to do five steps, because that information's just not sticking in your head, 

That's a working memory issue. So how do we work with this?I get what it's like to have that issue. It's frustrating. And what's particularly frustrating about it is that if you have struggles with this.

Sometimes you remember and sometimes you forget and there's not really any rhyme or reason to when it happens. Um, that part's really frustrating and that part keeps us from developing tools to work with this because we're always kind of expecting the 50% of us that's going to remember and not planning for the 50% that's going to forget.

And so the biggest part of. Working with your working memory is plan for the version of you who's going to forget. It's a bummer. It feels like extra work. ' cause maybe that that part of me that remembers is going to show up, but maybe they won't. 

what does that look [00:03:00] like in real life? You know, not necessarily brownie making. 'cause you know that's not really a huge issue. if I have to go back to the box a couple times, it might make me annoyed, but it's not like a, what I would consider a glass ball dropping, right?

We talk about glass balls and plastic balls. Sometimes if you drop the ball and it's a plastic ball, like, yeah, I gotta go back to the box to read the brownies. It's not a big deal. But if my daughter says, mom, I really need this literature book for my class, and. I think I'm going to remember long enough to either order it or go put it on my list and I don't, and next week she doesn't have the things she needs and 

 fails the quiz. That's a glass ball. I don't want that happening. I want her to be able to count on me. I want to be able to count on me. So what does that look like? If I'm trying to kind of compensate for struggling with working memory and kind of advocate for myself in my family in other places, it looks like me not expecting myself to remember.

And coming up with a plan to remember. So if she says, while I am walking out the door or walking across the house, [00:04:00] mom, will you order that book for my literature class? It's really important. I need it next week. Yes, I will text it to me. If you don't text it to me, can't guarantee what's going to happen when she texts it to me.

Then I've got it written somewhere that I can look. Now the next part of this is I'm actually, I actually have a system for my text. If like my daughter has text that information to me. And I'm in a place where I either can't just do it or can't put it into my system. My things to do, list my calendar where I will see that every single day.

'cause I do check it every day. If I can't either do it or put it in a system for me to remember it, I'm not going to expect myself to remember it. Now, she's already done her part. I'm not going to go back to her and say, Hey, text that to me again. I'm going to edit that text as unread. So I'll see it again as unread.

Read it and then either I can do it. Or put it on my system. So sometimes like I'm, I'm in the car or something, or I'm in motion. I don't have time to do that. I no longer expect myself to hold that in my head. Even 30 minutes later [00:05:00] because it's kind, it's taking energy, it might drop. So I've got a plan for doing that.

And sometimes it, part of that is advocating for yourself because everybody wants it to be easier for them. And just shout out what they'd like you to remember or, um, you know, have these expectations. But you can train people around you to work with the brain you have also, so you can count on yourself and they can count on you, and it does make things easier.I was working with a client and He and his wife had a lot of friction because there were things that they together were expecting to remember and he wasn't remembering him. 

So one of the things that I asked him was, okay, you sat down together and you were talking about all these things that had to happen for your family this week. Um. Did you, do you think you heard all the information? Were you paying attention in that moment? Did you get it? Not, did you remember it for the next step, but did you even hear, and the more he was thinking about the conversation and what he remembered, didn't remember, he's like, I don't really think I did, I don't think I was really [00:06:00] fully tuned in.

 First you gotta figure out is this attention or is this memory now? If he was like, yeah, I definitely heard everything we were talking about and,just didn't remember to do it. Okay, well, if you were paying attention, you heard what you were talking about.

What was your plan for remembering to do it? We just think we will. And if you have a hard time with this, and even if you don't like, we have to keep track of so much stuff in modern life, expecting you to remember something that even seems really important, in that moment, well, you're going to have really important things hitting you left and right as soon as you leave that conversation.

So for him, he already was working on a system to remember things and, and plan his time. So for him.the next step that we were going to look at was not expecting him to hold that in his head. getting it to the system that he was using and using that to help him remember the things that were happening in that week.

Working memory is that, can I hold this in my head long enough to get it to that system, right? Can I hold this in my head while we're having this conversation? Can I use information [00:07:00] in the short term? Not necessarily am I going to remember it in a week from now? If you say to me, Hey, let's go have lunch on Wednesday.

At at one and I'm like, awesome. Working memory is, can I hold this long enough to go put it on my calendar, um, and still have the right time and the right day That is working. Memory is not, do I show up five days from now? That's a different, that's a different kind of memory.

Working memory is this little short interim memory and if we can work on that, it really helps us to be able to count on ourselves and not have so many surprises, not have so many drop balls.

if that's hard for you, you are not alone.

I, I'm there with you. share the comments if you have other tools, other tips that you use to help you work with your memory so you're not dropping the things that are important to you.

That's it for today and thanks for joining me.