Ep 131. Nervous System Regulation for ADHD: A Simple Pyramid That Works

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Emotional regulation is one of the most common goals people bring into coaching.
Regulation doesn't mean “=never feeling big emotions or becoming calm all the time.

 It means being able to experience big emotions without feeling hijacked by them.

If you have ADHD, nervous system dysregulation is common — and it doesn’t just affect attention. It impacts emotions, energy, and your ability to function in the moment.

In this episode, I’m introducing:

What emotional regulation actually means (and what it doesn’t)
The difference between regulation, masking, and shutdown
How attention, emotion, and energy are all connected
A simple “pyramid” model of nervous system tools
Why you need body-based tools and thought-based tools

This is just a starting point, but it’s an important one.

Let me know in the comments: What regulation tools work for you?

⏱ Time Stamps:
00:00 – What emotional regulation really means
 00:40 – ADHD and nervous system dysregulation
 01:10 – Attention regulation example
 01:45 – Masking vs. true regulation
 02:15 – Big emotions vs. shutdown
 02:45 – Regulation and energy levels
 03:30 – The goal: function, not perfection
 03:50 – The nervous system pyramid
 04:10 – Bottom: body-based tools
 04:45 – Middle: practiced body/mind tools
 05:00 – Top: thought-based tools (CBT example)
 05:45 – Why you need tools from all levels
 06:15 – When thinking goes offline

Hashtags:
#ADHDWomen #ExecutiveFunction #EmotionalRegulation #LateDiagnosedADHD #NervousSystem #WomenWithADHD #NeurodivergentWomen #ADHDSupport #MentalHealthTools #ADHDStrategies

Transcript

Emotional Regulation and Nervous System Tools-

[00:00:00] one of the things that a lot of people wanna work on in coaching is emotional regulation. Being able to manage and surf and handle big emotions without losing it, or feeling hijacked by these emotions. We're still able to make choices and this is a really quick little introduction into nervous system regulation. We're just scratching the surface today. . If you have a DHD, it's really common to have the experience of nervous system dysregulation.

And so when we talk about regulating our nervous system state, that can be harder with a DHD. Part of the issue with a DH ADHD is a lot of times we're thinking attention because the regulation of our attention's often the focus. But what we know living with A DHD is that the regulation of our nervous system.

Is, is the bigger challenge that we experience. when we're talking about the regulation of our nervous system, that means I have a hard time regulating my attention. It doesn't mean I never have attention. Sometimes my attention's so tuned in. It's hard to take it to the next thing. It's hard to shift it. [00:01:00] Sometimes I don't have it when I need it.

Like I got completely lost hiking with my sister, knowing, going in there thinking, pay attention. Pay attention. Pay attention to the LA landmarks, the signs we started talking, it was no longer a decision. I was not paying attention even though I really intended and tried to impact that. My attention regulation, uh, did not cooperate with me.

It wasn't a decision. So regulating our attention, being able to pay attention to being able to switch our attention. Troubles with that are inherent with A DHD. Also regulating our emotions. When we're regulating our emotions. It doesn't mean we just don't feel anything. We're not shut down. That's not regulating. Sometimes somebody is masking and that looks like regulation to us because we're not seeing a big, explosive reaction. Masking isn't regulating right. That person is not experiencing their emotion and still being able to function with it. They're experiencing their emotion and spending all their energy curating a response for others. Um, shutdown isn't [00:02:00] regulation with emotions. Somebody who has something that in any other person would trigger really big emotional response and they've got nothing. That's not regulation like that you, if I see somebody, and that's true, my assumption is that they're shutting down, that they're overwhelmed.

 regulating in that situation may look sloppy, right? It doesn't necessarily look all neat and clinical. You, uh, are meant to experience big emotions. And, and even experience the overwhelm of them. What we're looking at is can you experience that and still function? Can you experience that and still make decisions and choices?

You're gonna have big emotions that are rough and you have to surf out. It doesn't mean being regulated emotionally doesn't mean that you're suddenly a robot that you don't experience that. It means I can experience big emotions. And I'm still making decisions. I'm not just reacting impulsively, I'm not totally shutting down and collapsing.

 regulating our nervous system also impacts our energy [00:03:00] level when we, um, have really, really high energy and that hyperactive energy, that's the people that tend to get diagnosed with a DHD.

 we know those people. We see them coming and we're like, oh, hyperactivity. A, DHD. Uh, another part of regulating your energy is not dipping down too low. My people tend to be the low people. They tend to be the ones that collapse and zone out a lot more inattentive, ADHD Even as we get older, 

You know, people maybe that had a more hyperactive presentation when they were younger might experience a different. Uh, dysregulation as they get older and kind of dip down and not be able to function. We're looking at functioning. We're looking at find that sweet middle spot where you still can function and do the things that you want to do.

So regulation doesn't mean a lot of times what we think it means. When we look around, or especially when we look for ourselves, we wanna develop the skill of being able to notice when our nervous system level is not fitting what we wanna do or what we need to do.

, when I'm working for myself, when I'm working with a client on emotional regulation, I think of a pyramid. on the base of the [00:04:00] pyramid are tools that I know work that are kind of body-based tools.

You can do them. Right now, they're kind of simple. You don't need special equipment or training. You don't really need the learning curve. They're just things that you, body inputs that you can choose that help impact, your nervous system level. They help you calm, they help you, uh, wake up or get more alert.

They help you move the mark for your state Now. The middle level is still somewhat body-based, right? But they're a little more complex.

They're a little more complicated. Like maybe you're gonna need some training, some practice to do them. They have a little more complexity than just like this body input. an example in that kind of middle of the pyramid is like maybe mindfulness meditation on some level.

It's just really focusing on the body and and noticing sensations, right? But on some level it's something you practice. It may not happen right away. The top of the pyramid is our thoughts and our kind of thinking [00:05:00] cognitive approaches to regulation. This is, Maybe the most complex because we're looking at something that we're doing all the time, which is thinking, and we're trying to impact that and change that in order to impact our emotional regulation.

An example would be like cognitive behavioral therapy I have an experience and it runs through my thought filters and I'm getting pretty upset because of what I'm interpreting that to mean. , So my thoughts about this thing is, is bringing up an emotional response to me and, also gonna gonna impact my decisions and my actions next.

 when we talk about regulating our nervous systems, which is impacting our emotions and our attention, our energy, all of this, we need tools from. The whole pyramid. We need these easy body-based tools. but if we only have those, when we run into a situation that's pre dysregulating for us and we're not, looking at any of our thinking, we're going to end up dysregulated again.

If we only have thought tools in no body level tools, sometimes a situation is so intense, you're not gonna impact it. [00:06:00] And change your level with thoughts. It's not available when we are really dysregulated this whole thinking frontal lobing, it goes offline. It the most effective thing in that moment can be using a really simple body-based tool to get your level down, your nervous system level down enough where you can think and you can use thought tools.

. So emotional regulation isn't just one thing or one kind of tool. We're using a lot of tools and we're always learning more If you have tools that work for you when it comes to emotional regulation, either at the top of that pyramid with some thought tools, the bottom of that pyramid or somewhere in the middle, share it in the comments. Let us know what works for you, what you found to be effective, and we're all learning from each other. I'd be happy to hear what works for you.