I Fkn Hate My Life (and here's what I'm going to do about it)...

This isn’t another “you got this, babe” pep talk.
It’s the wake-up call I wish someone had given me when I was stuck in my lowest season.

Over the last few months, I completely lost my momentum.
I gained weight. I lost weight. Then life got busy with house guests, commitments, and distractions. Before I knew it, I was right back in my old patterns.
“I’ll start again Monday.” “Next month will be different.”
But it never was.

I wasn’t unhappy because my life was falling apart. I was unhappy because my mind was.
My inner world was a disaster zone and I kept waiting for someone else to clean it up.

So in this episode, I share exactly how I turned it all around, one decision, one drawer, one system at a time.

You’ll hear how I:
• Stopped waiting for motivation and started rebuilding my momentum
• Did a full audit of my environment because your surroundings expose your excuses
• Rebuilt my morning and evening routines from scratch
• Created systems that made success feel automatic again
• Developed a fallback plan that keeps me consistent when life goes to hell

This episode is raw, real, and probably way too relatable. But if you’ve been half-assing your life while expecting full-ass results, you need to hear this.

Because here’s the truth. If your thoughts aren’t building you, they’re breaking you.
And I’m done feeling broken.

So come with me. I’m rebuilding my systems, my mindset, and my energy between now and the end of the year, and I’m sharing the whole journey in real time.

Follow me on Instagram @kylie_pax because if I win, you’ll see it. If I fall, you’ll see that too.

It’s time to stop waiting for the sun to come out.
We’re becoming it. 

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BOMBSHELL BLUEPRINT WEIGHT LOSS FOR EMOTIONAL EATERS

Transcript

How can a human being be this tired and still function? Like, gotta do it, gotta do it, gotta do it. What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures, and welcome to the Losing It Podcast. This is the place for women who are done pretending that everything is fine while they're secretly spiraling out of control with their food, with their life, with everything.

I'm your host, Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach, and today I am not here to sprinkle glitter on your pain because this episode today is not a pep talk. This is not a rah-rah, you've got it, babe, yap. This is actually the anti-rah-rah yap that you didn't know you needed.

So buckle up, sunshine, because this one is real raw, and I'm going to say, dare I say, she's possibly even a little too relatable. Okay, my love, this might not be what you want to hear, but I promise you this is going to be exactly what you need to hear today. If there is one thing I promise you on this podcast is that I'm always going to keep it real, and real life, it's messy and it's clumsy and it has its highs and very, very, very lows, and your girl has been stuck in one of those lows for what feels like my whole life, but in reality, it's probably only the last couple of months.

So let me take you back. Earlier this year, I gained eight kilos at the start of the year. I was doing a little mini experiment.

I really wanted to see if eating the junk food that I fantasized about was really all that. Like if I could just have that life where I could eat junk food and not have to exercise, would I be as happy as I dreamed that I would be? So the honest answer is yes, eating the junk food made me very happy, but no, gaining the eight kilos and living in an overweight body that was uncomfortable and not being able to sleep and feeling like a piece of shit and none of my clothes fitting, that did not make me happy. So then I decided to flip the script and I thought I'm just going to implement my eating codes and prove, prove, prove, prove that we don't need crazy diets.

We don't need to count every macro. We don't need to log every crumb that goes into our mouth. All you need to do is use my four eating codes and you can lose weight.

So over the first three months of the year, I gained eight kilos. Over the following three months of the year, I lost 10. Fan-freaking-tastic.

Your girl was real happy. But then life got busy. Phil's family came to stay.

First we had his mom here for a few weeks, then his sister came for a few weeks. We had life, commitments, work, all the things that happen. And I found myself caught up in a place where I no longer had control in my own house, especially when your mother-in-law is living with you just purely out of respect.

I'm not going to boss her around. I'm not going to tell her, I don't want to eat that. I don't like these things.

Can you please put the towels where I want you to put them? That was not going to be happening. So I felt a strong sense of, I've lost control in my own environment. And what do we do when we feel like we're losing control? We gain it the only way we know how to, and it was through eating.

(2:48 - 3:40)

I can tell myself that I lost my momentum, but the truth is I had stopped implementing the daily habits and micro choices that made my weight loss successful to start with. A habit missed once is just a mistake, but a habit missed twice, babe, that's the start of a whole new habit. And mine were called self-sabotage.

So yeah, I fell back into old patterns. I was doing the whole, I'll start again on Monday. Maybe next month will be better.

I'll start on the first of the month. I kept waiting for that magical version of me to show up, but she didn't do it. I'm really fucking disappointed.

I want to know where I subscribe to get her to show up. There has to be somewhere. Then spring arrives in my little corner of the world.

And this is like the breath of fresh air that I needed because I suffer terribly with SAD. Isn't that what they call it? Seasonal something disorder. I suffer true, true, real legit depression during the winter months.

(3:40 - 3:56)

It's not cool. So I struggled to get through. I make it through.

And when the first of September hits, I think that son had better fucking show up. I had all the hopes in the world, new season, new start, but I wasn't feeling it at all. The weather stayed and still is gloomy.

(3:56 - 5:06)

My mood looks like somebody's been at it with a hatchet saw and I could feel myself day by day, just sinking and getting more and more depressed and anxious about when is there going to be sunshine? When am I going to feel better? Life was feeling like the whole thing was too much. But the truth is I wasn't unhappy because my life was so bad. I was unhappy because my mind was toxic and my inner monologue looked like a crime scene.

And I wanted someone else to come and clean it up. I wasn't even close to living up to my potential. And I knew it.

I was half arsing my way through life, but I was wanting full arse results. That's when I decided I can't keep waiting for the sun to come out. I can't wait for my conditions to get better so that I can feel better.

This is what living in the Southern end of Australia looks like. It's either stinking hot or pretty freaking gloomy. And I have been through way too much trauma in my life to live one more day in unnecessary pain.

And I realized, babe, you know, if things are going to change, I'm going to have to be the one to change them. When your inner world feels chaotic, my suggestion, fix your outer world first. I know they say deal with your thoughts and it's all about the mindset.

(5:06 - 11:32)

And listen, I'm not saying they're lying. I am saying that it's easier to put away some dishes from the dishwasher than deal with all my life of trauma. So I started with an audit of my external environment.

Your environment is the ultimate BS detector because you can sit your arse around all day long and say that you want change. But if your environment isn't designed to support that, honey, you are lying to yourself. So that is where I started.

Phil was away for three weeks. He is a head volleyball coach here in Australia, and he was away for the World Sitting Volleyball Championships. And so I went full savage mode.

I cleaned out every single cupboard. I pulled out every single piece of furniture. I culled everything in the house from clothes and cutlery to any kind of clutter that was lying around.

All of it was gone. I curated systems for everything from the kitchen and everything in it to how it operates and all the way through to my levels of laundry detergent. And I started feeling something that I hadn't felt in a really long time, which was a strong sense of control.

Girl, I was hitting the Timu websites, the Kmart websites, anything that was relating to storage. Your girl was buying it up. I have got baskets and containers and jars out the wazoo.

Everything is organized by size and structure. If you open a kitchen cupboard now inside of my house, you will find everything is matching. There's no more mismatched mugs.

There's no more glasses from different sets. No, everything is perfectly symmetrical when you open the cupboard doors. I mean, it could be construed as a little psychotic, but it makes me feel good.

So once I got that physical space in order, I felt like I could then tackle my personal systems. Girl, if you don't own your night, you are going to lose your day. So I had to take a look at my routines and ask what is actually working here? What is not working? What am I tripping and fooling myself and thinking this is a great idea, but it's actually sucking up my time, my energy and causing me anxiety? And how can I make my success in the area that I want to succeed easy? Come on, we all want easy, easy and automatic.

So here's the things that I changed. I completely rebuilt my morning and evening routine. Now I'm going to tell you exactly how I did it.

I'll share with you all the apps and processes that I use so that you can use them too. Starting with monday.com. FYI, I'm not affiliated with any of these in any way. I use monday.com to plan my long term goals and then break those down into daily bite sized chunks because, you know, a goal without a plan is just a wish.

And honey, you are not a genius. So I will use that first off to color code everything and break down everything I need to do. Then I use the structured app to time block my days.

I really like that. Again, not affiliated in any way, but I've been using it for a few years now. I like it because I can timestamp the activities in my day.

It lets me know when I have to be doing things. I can tick it off once it's done. You can turn reminders on and off.

It's really simple and I'm pretty sure there is a free version. Now, because I'm old school, I still also like a good paper task list. Now, I found one on Amazon.

I'll link it below in the show notes, but it's the ADHD planner for neurodivergent adults. Am I ADHD? I don't know. That's probably up for debate.

However, I find this productivity planner really, really helpful. It allows me to brain dump everything that I have to do for that day. And once I can see it down on paper, organized and in certain blocks, it relieves anxiety.

You feel like you have a sense of control and there's some structure to follow for the day. Another thing that I did was I spent a huge amount of time researching the right supplements to heal my leaky gut and give me my energy back. Because since going through menopause, I feel like a washed up rag.

So over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing the uptakes from those as well. Here's a question I really want you to sit with today. If somebody else had your current habits, would you believe that they were serious about their goals? Because babe, the truth is we will never rise to the level of our goals.

We make lofty goals and we think it's amazing. It makes you feel good. Goal setting is a wonderful idea, but without the follow through, you are never going to get where you want to go.

We don't rise to the level of our goals. We can only ever fall to the of our systems, which is why systems are the most important thing that you can spend time on this week. And if those systems right now are built on chaos or avoidance, or like me, I'll start on Monday.

Maybe you already know how that story ends. So ask yourself, where will my life be six months from now if nothing changes? You don't need all the answers. You just need to start cleaning up the lies that you're telling yourself about why you can't get started.

It's also really important to remember that you can't prevent what you can't predict. Life happens. You're not always going to get it perfect, which is why I also created a fallback plan.

What is a fallback plan? A fallback plan is a set of standards that you live by when everything else goes to shit, basically. When I'm exhausted and overwhelmed and the CBF factor is in full swing on days like today, then I have to ask myself, what are my baseline standards going to be on these days when life falls apart? What are my minimum steps for the day going to be? What's the minimum beauty routine? It might not be doing the whole LED mask with the gel soak for your under eye luggage. It might be something as simple as slapping on some oil of Olay.

What is your minimum food choices going to look like on the days that you cannot be effed? Chopping up a salad or you don't have anything meal prepped and you are too tired and all you want to do is eat pizza. What are your minimum choices going to be? This right here is the protective mechanism that basically ensures you don't lose your momentum the way I did because consistency doesn't mean we never fail. It means that we keep getting back up.

So here's the deal today. I am not just talking about this. I'm doing it.

Between now and the end of this year, I'm going to be rebuilding from the ground up and you're coming with me. So if I win, you see it and we'll give all the clapping hand emojis. But if I fall, you're going to see that too.

I'll be sharing all of that. I'll be telling you how it happened, why and what I'm going to do to course correct. I'm taking you on the full journey in real time over on Instagram.

Because if there's one thing I know from these last few months, it's that if your thoughts aren't building you up, then they are breaking you down. And I am so tired of feeling broken. This is my era for becoming unrecognizable and I'm inviting you to join me.

If today's episode hit home for you or if you feel even a little hint of that's me, then make sure you hit subscribe and share this with the bestie who's struggling too. Because it's time for women to stop waiting for something to save us and start saving ourselves. I'm sending you so much love.

And until next time, remember this, babe, you don't need a new life. You need a new level of honesty with yourself. Because when you stop lying about your limits, that's when you can finally reach them.

(11:32 - 11:55)

I'm sending you love. I will see you again next week. Until then, gorgeous ones.

Bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now.

You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your way without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.