5 Savage Reasons Why You Didn’t Lose Weight Last Year (and how to fix it)

If you didn’t lose weight last year, it wasn’t because you didn’t try hard enough.
It’s because you were operating without commitment, discipline, structure, and standards.

In this brutally honest episode, Australia’s Emotional Eating Coach, Kylie Pax, breaks down the five real reasons women stay stuck in emotional eating and failed weight loss cycles, and more importantly, what to do instead.

This episode isn’t about motivation.
It’s about self-respect, identity, and installing systems that actually work for women over 35 who are done with starting over.

If you’ve been blaming hormones, age, stress, or lack of willpower, this episode will flip the script and give you a clear, practical roadmap forward.

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN:

 • Why “inconsistency” isn’t your real problem
 • The difference between emotional control and real discipline
 • How emotional eating is often disguised as “balance”
 • Why feeling “stuck” is usually a lack of standards, not ability
 • How identity change drives permanent weight loss
 • The role structure and accountability play in long-term fat loss
 • How to stop breaking promises to yourself and rebuild self-trust
 • What actually creates sustainable weight loss after 35

Get Kylie's exact weight loss Blueprint
Get the Bombshell Journal & Planner set
Get Kylie's Free Weight Loss Course
Follow Kylie on Instagram

BOMBSHELL BLUEPRINT WEIGHT LOSS FOR EMOTIONAL EATERS

Transcript

What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures, and welcome back to another week of the Losing It podcast. You're here with Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach. And as always, I am so excited to be here with you today.

Of course, if you're loving what you're hearing and you want to hear more, then sis, you know you need to hit that subscribe button and make sure that you're the first to know when a new episode drops. Ladies, we are talking about something so exciting today. So exciting.

I drop into my very, very feral ochre accent at some point, pretty much every episode now. But today we're talking about five savage ass reasons why you did not lose weight last year. And I'm going to always be very real with you.

If you didn't lose the weight last year, I'm telling you right now, it wasn't bad luck. It was not your hormones and it was not your age. I can tell you this for sure, because you know your girl here is in her mid 50s and I managed to lose 18 kilos in full blown menopause.

So why could you not do it? It wasn't any of those factors. It was the way you kept abandoning yourself and promising you were going to get to it next Monday. Now, this episode is not here to be all warm and fuzzy.

She's not here to motivate you. She is here to remove the lies so that the results you actually want to see happening this year have got somewhere to land in your life. So if you're wanting to feel inspired today, if you're one of those girls that girls, ladies, women that tune in every week, you're like, I feel so inspired Kylie.

Some of you messaged me over Instagram. You're like, this was amazing. I've just found your podcast.

I listen to it now with my daughter and I love, love hearing that. But this is not going to be one of those episodes. This one might sting a little because it's not the warm and fuzzy that you might want to hear.

But if you are here to change, then stay with me because I'm going to give you five reasons why you and your body didn't change even though you wanted it so badly. Now, reason number one, sis, you were not inconsistent. Don't even try and come at me and tell me that's what it was.

You weren't inconsistent. You were uncommitted. Inconsistent people, they still try.

They still make an effort. But uncommitted people, they like to keep their options open. You know, when you see those movies on TV or if you've ever dated a guy that just can't commit, he likes to keep his options open.

(2:12 - 3:49)

Well, honey, that was you with your commitment to weight loss. You didn't have a follow through problem. You had a commitment problem.

You were treating your weight loss goal and clearing out emotional eating goal, you were treating it like a preference instead of a priority. It was something you kind of wanted unless you were tired or busy or unless it felt hard and uncomfortable. Honey, that is not inconsistency.

That is you keeping one foot out the door for every single time that it starts feeling a little shaky and you're like, I don't think I like this anymore. Let me just go back to my bag of Cheetos. Commitment removes that debate entirely.

When you're committed, you don't wake up every morning or every Monday morning asking, do I feel like doing it today? Maybe. I think I just need a little more motivation. Nah, nah, nah.

That is not you. You're now the woman who asks, who do I need to become in order to achieve what I want to achieve next? That woman there, she doesn't need a new year because she knows who she is and she knows what she came here to achieve. You need to stop half arsing your life and go for the things you really say you want.

So what are we going to do about it? Okay, here is the fix. You need to create just one daily non-negotiable. If last year's weight loss efforts look like a crime scene, then this year, don't think you're going to be getting it perfect come January 1st.

I mean, it's already passed. Hello? We're like towards the end of the first week of January now. It's passed.

It's long gone. Kiss her booty goodbye. You don't need to get everything perfect, but you do need to start proving to your brain that you are a woman who can trust herself.

(3:49 - 5:02)

So start with one daily non-negotiable, just one action that you can carry out whether you feel like it or not. So don't make it so that you'd rather decapitate yourself than carry out this action. Don't create a list of 10 things, just one.

It might be something really boring. In fact, it should be something really boring, like picking one of my eating codes. Don't try and implement all four at once.

Just pick one and let that be your commitment until it's rock solid in your life. So make it boring, repeatable, and something that you stop debating about. So if you haven't clicked over and got my free course yet, head on over to kyliepax.com forward slash free course and download the videos.

Honey, there is four of them. Or is there three? I think there's only three. Three short ass videos.

They're less than just a few minutes each. I'm going to give you exactly the steps that I took to achieve my results and you just pick one of them. Don't try and implement all four.

You might say, okay, this week I'm only going to eat if I'm actually physically hungry. Or this week when I do eat, I'm going to stop eating at 80% full because Kylie said that was the magic weight loss code and I shouldn't be rolling around feeling stuffed after every meal. Whatever you do, commit to it because commitment isn't built on motivation.

(5:02 - 6:22)

The commitment that you need to carry this out is built on repetition. Nobody needed a new year in order to change. You just needed to start following through on your daily decisions.

The second reason why your weight loss looked like a crime scene last year is because you weren't lacking control. You were lacking discipline. Now discipline is the unsexy secret of the weight loss world.

Control is based on your emotion. Like can I control myself around this food? Whereas discipline is based on structure. So when you say things to yourself like I need wine or I deserve chocolate.

No you don't. No you do not. You don't deserve wine and chocolate.

I'm so sorry. What you actually deserve is to live up to your potential in life. Discipline is not about being a strict hard ass on yourself.

It's about deciding once and for all what it is that you want and then removing the ability to argue with yourself. If you keep outsourcing the emotional relief that you feel like you need at the end of the day to food, then your body is going to continue to pay the price. So here's what you're going to do.

Stop expecting food to resolve a problem it doesn't have the ability to resolve. If you had a shitty day with your boss or a fight with your spouse or the kids are running around like they're on a Jerry Springer episode, food cannot fix that problem. In fact if we're really going to be honest about it, food is not the solution to anything but hunger.

(6:22 - 17:04)

However, decide in advance when I'm stressed I pause or when I'm freaking out I just give myself a breath or a second or if I'm feeling overwhelmed I'm going to delay my immediate reactions and decisions or when I want that relief I'm not going to immediately go into the pantry. What you can do is use one of the tactics that I teach inside of the bombshell blueprint which we call pause, pass and permission. All you need to do is when you're feeling that hot, overwhelming, impulsive urge to just go and stuff your face with pizza or wine or both, what you're going to do is pause for one second.

Truly it only takes a minute. If you do three deep breaths, this is not something I talk about very often because I don't know I feel like it's bordering on the woo-woo side of things but it is also biological. If you take three deep breaths that's all it takes to reset your nervous system so you don't have to sit there meditating just breathe in and out three times.

It is not a big freaking deal and once you've done that given yourself a pause then piss off down the hall and go do something else but once your nervous system has settled then you're in a position to decide do I want to pass on this chips or pizza or crackers or whatever I was about to stuff my face with. Do I want to pass on that because now I feel better and I don't actually feel like I need it or am I still really riled up and I'm just in a place where I feel like I truly do need it in order to decompress or get through this moment and then you can give yourself permission to proceed but if you do if you decide that's it I can't deal with this tonight like I've been through an extremely stressful day I know there's been times like when my mum passed away or whatever it's like I can't deal with this tonight tonight we're getting takeaway I just need to zone out and that's okay those times in your life are not the times that make you overweight those are not it's not you don't nobody gets fat from one Christmas meal it's all the little compromises other 365 days of the year they're the ones that are keeping you stuck so discipline looks like you deciding again once and for all and then removing the option to argue with yourself because if food is right now your emotional release then your weight will continue to remain unstable the third reason why you stayed stuck and miserable and it was savage last year and did not get the weight loss that you want is because let's stay on the disciplined train you confuse being undisciplined with being stuck I'm just stuck Kylie I don't know why I'm not sure what's working and when you're quote-unquote stuck it sounds so harmless like you it's not in my control I don't know what's going on I'm doing all the things it lets you stay passive in the situation I'm just holding up a mirror today listen I don't make the rules I just enforce them you're not stuck what you were doing was avoiding enforcing your own standards what and why why would we do this because standards require you to actually have some self-respect and and wait it gets better self-respect requires you to stop tolerating your subpar BS behavior any behavior that contradicts the outcome that you want the goal that you're trying to achieve is just taking a hatchet to your levels of self-respect and every single time you said you'd stop but you didn't your confidence took another hit and another hit and suddenly we had like little invisible detectives inside of your mind just drawing white chalk marks around the goals that you had for the year because they are dead and so instead of addressing that you just start telling yourself you're stuck but you're not going to lose weight when you feel ready or motivated or in the zone you're going to lose weight when you stop turning your back on yourself and your goals and your dreams and your potential so this is what you're going to do about it start rebuilding your self-trust by following through on your word and keeping your word to yourself like I said earlier you don't have to make big grand promises just tiny little ones that you can actually keep because right now you've slashed your self-confidence it's non-existent it's non-existent is what it is and when you stop saying I'll try I'll try and start saying things like this is a done deal this is what I do now because this is the type of person that I am now that is when your confidence starts being built not in hype but in integrity okay now the fourth reason why you did not lose weight last year savage though it may be and your weight loss looked like a crime scene is because you kept giving up on yourself but wait wait wait you didn't sit in the corner crying no no you put it in a fancy outfit and called it moderation oh you know all things in moderation I don't think so moderation is again one of the pretty excuses in the weight loss world that will keep you stuck and miserable now am I saying there should be no moderation no no no I am not what I'm saying is let's clarify the meaning of moderation because what it does not mean is you quitting on yourself every time things get uncomfortable that's not moderation that is self-abandonment and when you break promises to yourself daily over and over again your nervous system learns not to trust you imagine if you were in a partnership with somebody I don't know I just always go to guys for example because that's been my experience and they're just bs to you daily like telling you they're gonna do something I do care Kylie I do about everything they do shows the opposite of that now they're out there running around with other women lying to your face but telling you they're going to change and they never ever do if they finally one day came back to you and said I'm ready now I'm really going to change would you believe them would you believe their lying ass well honey that is you but with yourself yourself is hearing your bs promises I'm going to change this year is going to be amazing I promise you I'll do better but you don't you're just you're just telling yourself fairy tales you have no fucking intention of changing and your nervous system knows it and so when you don't trust yourself you now end up chasing relief from yourself instead of chasing results so here's what you're going to do you're going to redefine what moderation means for you in your life so moderation now could mean something like really just reminding yourself that you've already spent a lifetime trying to get your eating perfect and now it's time to actually stay the course whether it's perfect or not or moderation could look like you course correcting quickly instead of spiraling out of control when things are not perfect or you could decide that it means that you don't blow up your progress just for two seconds of flavor in your mouth listen you don't need another treat right I just need a little treat no you don't treats are for dogs you don't need no treats what you need is to stop breaking your word to yourself and pretending that you're indulging in self-care now the fifth and final savage reason why you did not lose weight last year and why your weight loss looked like a crime scene is because you skipped the hard parts but you were really secretly hoping for easy results you were the one that sat there visualizing your weight loss and you're like a manifestation queen and you pinned all the quotes and you did all the things but you avoided the boring repetitive unsexy actions that it actually takes to change your body since you don't need another vision board what you need is an identity upgrade so here's what you're going to do it is time for you to upgrade who you're being from the inside out we'll try and fix the problem from the outside in what is the next diet I need what is the supplement what's the secret drink I need to take that is not where the problem lies you didn't gain weight because of some food or secret drink or pinterest quote you gained weight because your thoughts were dictating a poor set of actions the problem is always on the inside so that means the problem and the solution are going to be in the same place an identity upgrade means you start acting like the woman that you want to become before the motivation shows up before the confidence arrives and definitely before the scale moves identity identity identity comes first and then results follow when you stick with it for long enough not after two seconds not after two days maybe not even after two weeks but they will because you cannot skip the becoming and still get an outcome this past year you weren't too busy but you were too understructured structure is what I focus on it's what I focused on over the last six months to lose 18 kilos it's what I focus on with every single client that I have why because structure removes decision fatigue when you have structure in your life strong-ass structure that there is no negotiation about then it's no longer a case of should I or shouldn't I eat this it's a case of this is a done deal this is the way I eat this is the way I conduct myself these are the choices that I make and there is no other option structure is what protects you from your weakest moments because you're going to have them and structure is how disciplined women win without shouting it from the rooftop that kind of structure is what can hold you accountable and it's not pressure I don't like anyone telling me what to do no no that's not what it's about it's the support for the part of you that right now keeps on giving up so if this episode irritated you I mean I want to say like sorry not sorry like I said before I don't make the rules this is just the way it is it means though that it has touched you in a way that's exposed the lies that you've been telling yourself in the nothing changes unless you stop negotiating with that old version of you that wants comfort more than she wants growth because it it's not about weight loss it never has been this has always been about self-respect and once that clicks then your body follows 2026 doesn't need a new you what it needs is a committed one thank you so much for joining me here today and as always please remember the only person who has the power to change your life is you when you step up and stop looking for shortcuts remember that you're the only one who has the power in your life not food not a partner not circumstances not the job it's you it's always been you and when you step into that level of authority that's when you've got what it takes I'm sending you love I cannot wait to see you again next week until then gorgeous ones bye for now thank you so much for tuning in remember to shimmy your bar over to kyliepax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now you'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity I will see you next week