The Real Reason You Can’t Stay Consistent

If you feel like you’re constantly “starting over” with weight loss, this episode will hit hard.

Because the truth is, most emotional eaters don’t fail because they lack motivation, discipline, or willpower.
They fail because they negotiate with themselves.

In this episode, I break down why emotional eating isn’t about food at all, why consistency feels impossible even when you “know what to do,” and how tiny daily negotiations quietly sabotage your progress long before a binge ever happens.

You’ll learn why:
• Motivation isn’t the problem with your weight
• Emotional eaters don’t fall off track, they slowly loosen standards
• Decision fatigue is more dangerous than any food
• Trying harder keeps you stuck, but deciding once creates freedom
• Identity, not emotion, is what holds the line long term

If you’re tired of blaming hormones, stress, or tiredness, and you’re ready to understand what’s actually keeping you stuck with emotional eating and weight loss, this episode will give you clarity you didn’t know you were missing.

This is a mirror, not a pep talk.

And once you see it, you won’t be able to unsee it.

Get Kylie's exact weight loss Blueprint
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BOMBSHELL BLUEPRINT WEIGHT LOSS FOR EMOTIONAL EATERS

Transcript

Most women are not failing at weight loss. They are negotiating themselves out of their own success. I'm telling you, if you've got a plan B, you're going to find a reason to use it.

(0:10 - 0:17)

Weight loss is not the goal here. I know you're all freaking out. You're like, sis, what are you even talking about? Weight loss is not the goal, should never have been the goal.

(0:17 - 1:27)

The goal is to have some damn self-respect, some self-control and follow your plan, not your mood. The weight loss is the side effect of you living like that elite baddie, that 1% woman, that version of you that doesn't take shit from anybody, most especially herself. That's how emotional eaters end up losing weight.

What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures, and welcome to another week of the Lusia Podcast. You're here with Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach, and I'm so excited to be here with you for another week. I'm just going to take a moment to ask you, of course, if you're loving what you're hearing and you want to hear more, please hit that subscribe button.

It helps us so much to be able to reach more people and help more women, or leave me a review. I would be ever so grateful to hear from you. Today, we're going to start with the age-old question, why the freak are we still struggling when we know exactly what to do? Why can't we seem to get ourselves to do it? Because I'm going to be very upfront and very blunt with you today.

It could be a hard words episode, but we'll see. You're not inconsistent. First of all, you're not inconsistent and you're not broken because you think right now, I just need to be consistent.

I do need to be consistent. And yeah, that's true, but the underlying problem isn't your lack of consistency. It's not the fact that you're broken.

(1:27 - 4:01)

And I'm telling you right now, you don't need another reset or some new cleanse. That's not going to be the thing that helps you. There is no magical solution out there.

The problem and the solution are always in the same place. So if you know that it's your lack of self boundaries that are the problem, well, that's something that's inside. That's an internal issue.

You've got a problem with your employees inside the building, and you're going to need to deal with them in-house. Right now, you're making decisions in the moment based on how you feel. If you've had a really bad day, suddenly the plans you made that morning have gone out of the window of bye-bye, bye-bye plans.

You're just watching their little ass skedaddle off into the sunset. And you, you don't even care because you're eating your greasy pizza and slugging down wine. Slugging? Chugging? I don't know.

So the wine's disappearing. So let's look today at three ways that you are trapping yourself, holding yourself back, keeping yourself a prisoner in this body that not only do you not like, you probably literally, if you were anything like me, you cannot even stand. I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror.

I used to avoid windows. I used to wear enormous moo-moos. I just didn't want to know about it.

I was the woman. I was the one who was, sometimes I still do. In fact, I think I might be doing it right now.

Constantly pinching the fat on my body to subconsciously measure how much is there. Do I feel any good about this today? Or am I a fat mole? I was constantly outsourcing my life to my feelings. How do I feel in the moment? Well, based on how I feel, that's going to dictate the decision that I make.

That's going to completely decide whether I have chocolate for breakfast or whether I eat a green smoothie. I had so much decision fatigue at the end of every day that of course, it was just a given that I was going to eat something that was quote unquote bad for me because I had been trying to resist my favorite foods all day. My mind, so this is something I was discussing yesterday with a friend of mine and she is a doctor, but she is not an emotional eater.

Even though she is on her weight loss journey, she is not an emotional eater. And the way I kind of define the two is that for me, this is how it was always like this for me. The food noise in my head is there.

It's constant. It's all day. It's 24.

Unless I'm sleeping, it's there. I spend all day, every day thinking about the foods that I want to eat and how to avoid eating them. So it makes sense that unless I set some rock solid standards and protocols and up level my identity as a whole, then I am going to fall victim to eating the foods, the exact foods that I don't want to eat.

Not because I can't resist them. I eat it just to shut down the noise in my head. I can't stand listening to it anymore.

After a whole day of, I really want this. I better not eat this. I know I shouldn't eat this.

(4:01 - 7:35)

Oh my God, I want it so bad. In the end, I just eat it because I think just shut the fuck up. I can't take it anymore.

And I will just eat the pizza or the cheese or the chocolate just to shut down the circus in my head. Remember, your brain is always going to choose safety over progress. Unless you intervene, that's what it's going to do.

It's not a weakness. That's biology. That's actually how we're supposed to operate.

So we're going to focus today on installing smaller counter commands. We're going to be focusing on leveling up our identity, how you see yourself. If you want to become iconic this year, then you have to start acting like that iconic version of self.

So let's start today by talking about the feelings trap, because this is the one we fall into every single day. It is like, and listen, it's like quicksand. Once you're in, very, very hard to get your ass back out again.

So let's break it down. Emotions are temporary. I talk about this all the time.

Feelings only last 90 seconds in your body. That's the chemical reaction. That's the time limit that they've got within your bloodstream.

So unless you keep generating the same shitty, shitty thoughts, you're going to eventually stop feeling the shitty, shitty feelings. Emotions are temporary, but standards are permanent. Listen, I'm just going to say it again for the people in the back.

Emotions, feelings, they're temporary, but your standards should be permanent on your ass. What that means is it's not about setting things in stone that you hate. It's not necessarily about you being more productive or cramming more into your day or just acting like the most elite version of you for the sake of it.

It's about being a woman who doesn't negotiate with herself anymore. Emotional eaters, they let their feelings vote every single time. So you're the one right now.

If you're asking yourself, what do I feel like eating? You've already lost your authority. You've given it over to your feelings. You're the one that's eating the Danish for breakfast because you want the comfort or the reward or some relief or you're thinking this is going to get you through the day because you've got a horrible day coming up.

That's not even hunger. That's you holding yourself hostage to a lifestyle, a body, a way of thinking, living, being that right now you can't even stand. Now, the second way that we screw ourselves over is slow.

This is more like a slow leap and I really want you to see this, where this is showing up in your life because this is not, your weight gain is not happening because of the big blowout. That's not causing you to gain 85 kilos. No, it's not.

It's not the obvious moments where you went out with girlfriends and you all had your pizza and fish and chips and whatever. That's not the times that's making you gain all this weight. It's the slow leak of your standards over time.

I'm talking the little extra bites here and there. The snacks that weren't planned but you think, oh, it's low-cal so surely that probably doesn't count or it's low-carb so I can get away with it. Or going to bed and taking a packet of chips with you like you would take a lover to bed.

Like, no, no. You hitting the pause button on your daily routines, the exact things you know you should be doing is the reason why your authority and your goals are slowly leaking into the ether. You didn't fall off the wagon.

You loosened the bolts on the wagon and the freaking wheels fell off. The weight that you want to be losing is not happening now, not because you did something astronomic. It's happening because you're giving yourself micro permissions in micro moments.

It's the tiny little things that you think don't count. Just an extra chip. I'll just clean these couple of extra little nuggets off the kids plate.

Don't like wastage. No, no. That's not wastage.

That's you keeping yourself trapped in a life that you absolutely can't stand. Now, this third point is something that I did mention earlier. We talked a little bit about it and it really is the biggest thing we're going to have to overcome if you want to lose weight this year.

(7:35 - 10:42)

I'm talking decision fatigue. Girl, the consistency that you think is so sorely lacking in your life right now is not going to come because you get some astronomical amount of willpower delivered to your front door. That's not how it's going to happen.

It's not going to happen by you adding more shit into your daily routine. It's going to come by you removing it. You need fewer decisions, not more.

Right now, you are deciding way too many times a day, do I eat this or do I not? You've got far too many should I or shouldn't I moments and absolutely no default boundary rules to keep all of this in check. This is why for most of us, afternoons and night times are our witching hour. If you don't have a solid structure to support your day, your routine, your goals, the life that you're trying to achieve, you are always going to default back to your factory settings.

If every single thing is a question in your life, should I do it? Should I not do it? How much of it should I do? Then food will always be the answer to that question because it's too freaking overwhelming. I personally use, and I'm just going to spit it out there again, I'm not affiliated with this company in any way, but I bloody well should be. I use the app called Structured.

It's free in the app store or wherever you get your apps from. I'm an Apple girl, so that's all I really know, but you are able to slot in down to the micro minute. You can make your tasks, you can set hour boundaries, two, three, four hour boundaries, or you can set tasks down to the micro minutes, but it will give you reminders and encouragement to make sure that you are sticking to the tasks that you have laid out.

Why does this matter? Because the less decisions I have to make per day, the more I can farm that out to somebody or something else to manage that for me, the more relaxed I'm going to be, the more likely I am to stick to my goals and my structure and follow my plan and not my mood. You cannot keep trying to make yourself feel better through food. You just need to start deciding better.

As long as you stay in this moment of outsourcing your authority, your personal authority in your life to your mood, your energy, to the stress levels and your hormones, then food will continue to be your regulation component in your life. Let's take, for example, my eating code. So eating code number one, you eat when you're hungry, you don't eat when you're not.

This covers everything that we talked about today because you now are going to be eating to regulate your emotions rather than outsourcing your decisions to your feelings. Second eating code, when you do eat, you stop eating at 80% full. Well, this is exactly how we undermine ourselves every time.

Portion creep is what happens when our standards are loose and saggy, like cellulite-y skin. Listen, we don't like it on our body. That's fine.

Too bad. You can't do very much about that, but we can get rid of loose standards in our life. The third eating code is follow your plan and not your mood.

Woo, this one is my favorite of all time. If you are living every day by how you feel and what is my mood today and what's the weather like and what do I feel like doing, then you're basically living in negotiation culture. Good luck to you, my friend.

Good freaking luck. I'll just see you still overweight and unhappy and miserable in five years time. The fourth eating code is, of course, to act like the person you want to become.

(10:43 - 11:37)

This is what I've been preaching now for 10 years, and I see a lot more of it now online, which I think is so freaking good. People talking about future self, future self, future self. I'm like, yes, thank you.

Finally, people are getting on board. Your identity needs to hold the line regardless of whether you feel motivated or not. You need to step into that persona and literally gaslight yourself into acting as if everything you wanted was already so.

You can use this trip for, I mean, this is probably one of the main things in the manifestation world. You can use this for any area of your life. But me, I just want to use it to lose weight.

I want to lose weight, look skinny, be pretty, and whatever. We're healthy. Listen, we all just want to be healthy.

You can be as skinny, as pretty as, but if your health is no good, I'm telling you, it means nothing. I'm just going to tell you a little quiet story before we wrap it up today. So for those of you who don't know, years ago, I was diagnosed with lupus.

(11:37 - 12:55)

And it was probably, I was probably about 23, 24 years old at the time. It was horrendous, horrendous. It was so traumatic that for years, I wouldn't even talk about it because the experience nearly had me unalive myself.

I talk about this too much. I'm very fragile and I'm a fragile little fairy. This is what my friends tell me.

It was traumatic. I mean, I couldn't do basic, simple tasks. I couldn't dress myself.

I couldn't turn on a tap to get water. I couldn't sort of, nothing. I couldn't do anything.

Any movement of any joint in my body was so excruciatingly painful. I couldn't even walk, like to walk on my feet. I can't even remember the number of hundreds of bones in our feet, hundreds of joints in our feet.

And so that alone was excruciating. Every single joint was inflamed, nothing moved, nothing worked. And I just used to cry and cry and cry from the pain.

So then the drugs that they put me on to try and alleviate this and kind of course correct this had me losing my hair. It could send you blind. I had to go for weekly blood tests.

So my arms are all shot up. Like it looks like I've been, you know, an illicit drug user all of my life, but this, this is how it was. So if you ever want somebody to remind you that you can be as skinny as you want, but if you don't have your health, it means nothing.

(12:56 - 13:29)

I'm going to be the one to tell you that. So when we talk about being very desperate to lose weight, yeah, I have been in the past, very desperate to lose weight. And I've done some dodgy ass things to lose weight.

But at the end of the day, I'm telling you, health is, well, this is the episode of cheesy quotation. I'll just put up a Pinterest board. I truly think this is why I get so passionate about it though, because I've suffered so tremendously in my life that I am tired of seeing other women suffer mentally and emotionally just to try and get thin.

(13:29 - 15:48)

It isn't worth it. There are, and, and I'm, listen, I'm not saying, and so we all have to sit around and be fat. No, no.

What I'm saying is let's do it the right way. Let's do it the only way that works. Let's do it in a way that is sustainable and maintainable so that when you do hit your goal weight, because I know you're going to, oh, honey, nobody believes in you more than me.

Nobody, because if my dumb ass could figure this shit out, then you are going to rocket your way to the finish line. If you can get there in a way that's sustainable and maintainable for the rest of your life, which the shortcuts are not going to let that, nobody wants to live on meal replacement shakes for the rest of their life or injections for their whole rest of their life. Like they're really expensive for a start.

Then let's do this in a way that makes you proud of who you've become. Make sure you never have to deal with this shit again. Make sure that your life is so elevated and so iconic by the time that it's over that you have such a hold on who you are, your boundaries, what you will tolerate, what you won't, your standards have risen, and you don't accept subpar anything in anywhere of your life.

You're so proud of who you've become. You wouldn't even consider going back to who you used to be. That's what this is about.

So if today sort of resonated with you or touched anything, then I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love. And as always, please remember, I almost feel a bit teary now. You can hear it.

Listen, honey, this is what I want you to remember. And I've never been more true. When I say this, the only fucking person who has the power to change your life is you.

You better step up and believe it. Because nobody can believe this shit for you. Sometimes you just have to get mad about it.

And that sort of self disgust that you feel when you look in the mirror, let's start channeling that outwards, into our energy, into our actions, into our standards and go, you know, I'm tired of this fucking shit. I really am. I'm tired of myself putting up with my own excuses.

And it is time for me to raise the bar, no matter how small, one tiny incremental raise of the bar at a time is all it takes. So long as you don't quit, and you don't give up, and you just keep showing up. That's all it takes.

And if you need a little help, you need a little support, you know I'm here for you. Come chat to me into my DMs over on Insta, because babe, I'm here for you. Nobody will have your back as strong as I will.

And I'm cheering you on the whole way. I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love. I can't wait to see you again next week.

(15:48 - 16:09)

Until then gorgeous ones, bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your bar over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now.

You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.