The 5 Stages of Self-Sabotage (And How to End It for Good)

Self-sabotage isn’t a personality flaw. It’s a pattern. And patterns can be broken faster than you think.

If you’ve ever asked yourself:
• Why do I keep overeating at night?
• Why do I start strong and then fall off?
• Why do I sabotage my own weight loss?
• Why can’t I stay consistent?

This episode breaks down the exact 5-stage pattern that keeps women stuck in emotional eating and weight loss cycles.

Because self-sabotage isn’t random. It follows a predictable script. And once you can identify the stage you’re in, you can interrupt the pattern immediately.

Inside this episode:
• Why emotional eating starts with feelings, not food
• The hidden sentence that causes most weight regain
• How “I’ve blown it” thinking destroys consistency
• Why shame keeps you stuck longer than the food ever did
• How to stop restarting and finally stabilise your weight loss

Hit subscribe and leave a review if this episode helped you see your pattern clearly. See you next week, angels!

BOMBSHELL BLUEPRINT WEIGHT LOSS FOR EMOTIONAL EATERS

Transcript

What is self-sabotage? I can tell you what it isn't. It isn't a personality flaw. What it actually is, is a pattern.

Most women think that self-sabotage is about willpower. I need more willpower. It was not that.

It was never that. It's staged. It happens in the same way, in the same order, almost every time.

 And you can spot. Listen, once after today, I'm going to share with you the five different stages and the different ways that it appears. And once you're able to spot what stage you're in, the way that it's dressing itself up, it's like a freaking Muppet.

 That's what it is. That's the way I see self-sabotage. It's like a Muppet, or you know, one of those creatures off Sesame Street.

 You've got a hand up its ass. It's nothing, but you're giving it all this power. You can stop at mid-cycle, then you can absolutely shut that shit down and get back with the process of being fucking amazing.

(0:59 - 1:29)

Losing weight. What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures? And welcome to another week inside of the bombshell. Oh, this is not what it is.

What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures? And welcome to another week of the Losing It podcast. Your girl has to remember where she is. And I'm going to start today by asking you a huge ass favor.

If you're loving what you're hearing and you want to hear more, even if you're new here, please remember to hit subscribe. So you never miss an episode or leave me a review because the more women that hear this, then the fewer women stay stuck in this cycle. Now let's get into it.

(1:29 - 2:00)

Self-sabotage would have to be one of the most overused terms in the entire diet industry. We all think that we suffer from it. We don't understand why we do it.

It's like a disease that you just can't get rid of. There's no cure. What am I supposed to do? But I'm going to share with you today the actual five ways that it appears.

Five stages, five steps, and you'll be able to tell which one that you're in immediately. And in fact, we probably all oscillate between all five stages. Now, why does this matter? Because once you see where you are, once we can get rid of the whole smoke and mirrors concept, it's not scary anymore.

(2:00 - 6:47)

You take your damn power back and you step up and step into that 1% woman version of you, that undeniable, unstoppable, charismatic version of you, the one who's in her thinnest, fittest, happiest, healthiest, hottest body. That's who you deserve to be. And this is exactly how you're going to get there this year.

Now, the first way that self-sabotage is showing up in your life is through the emotional triggers. This is where it all begins. It's not with food.

It's with a feeling. I'm talking stress after a shitty, shitty day at work. You feel really lonely at night.

Maybe you're getting that mid-afternoon slump, or this one always hits me still every single time, scrolling through social media, and then we fall victim to comparisonitis. Worst, worst way to spend a Wednesday evening. So you're not hungry, but you are uncomfortable and your brain wants relief from that discomfort.

Now, if you were an alcoholic, you would go to your booze. If you were a smoker, you'd probably go get a ciggy. If it was a drug, sex, whatever, that's what you would go and do to relieve yourself of the internal pain.

But that's not us. We find food. It gives us the fastest relief button.

It's efficient. It works. It hits the spot every time.

The only downside is we end up feeling like a big fat walrus every single time we turn to it. So we try very often to control the food first. That is upside down and inside out.

It's like you're putting on an outfit, wearing it inside out, thinking that's the best thing that you've ever done, when everybody can see your tags and all the crappy stitching on the outside now. You cannot control the food first. The control of the food happens as a result of you doing this thing first, which is taking stock of your identity.

In this stage, you have decided to act like a past version of you, a lame ass version of you, a version of you who used to turn to food every two seconds after you gave your word and said that you were not going to do it anymore. You stepped into a new place. You stepped into a new persona, but you only stayed there for five minutes.

The minute you got uncomfortable, you went screaming back to your old identity, going, oh my God, save me, like it was a fucking night in shining armor. He's not Prince Charming, mate. That old identity gave you a shitty life to start with.

Why do you think he's going to be a winner this time around? Stick with what you said you were going to do. When you said you were going to level up and be undeniable and unstoppable and unrecognizable this year, then you need to stand on your word and in that space and actually carry out what you said you were going to do. So here's the rule.

Before you go running to food, what are you actually feeling? Feelings only last 90 seconds in your body. Is it so traumatic that you have to go eat 15 donuts right now? What is the feeling that's even going on? And is food going to be the perfect solution for you in that moment? That question alone will give you enough breathing space to decide, do I actually want this? And there may be times, listen, I'm going to be so for real with you, there may be times when you think, yeah, I do actually want the food. I've had the most traumatic day of my life and I am going to eat tonight.

That's fine. Do it. But at least stop eating at 80% full.

Use my eating codes. You only eat when you're hungry. You don't eat when you're not hungry.

When you do eat, take ownership. Stop eating at 80% full. Don't stuff your face like a squirrel.

Food isn't going anywhere. You already know what every food in the universe tastes like. Don't tell me there's something out there that you haven't tried before.

We tell ourselves these horror stories about FOMO and I need to have this right now. Babe, you just ate 15 of them yesterday. You really don't need to have it right now.

The second way that self-sabotage shows up in our life is through justification. Ooh, this one hurts so much. This is where sabotage really locks in.

We hear ourselves saying things like, well, you know, it's been a long day. You're basically softening the blow and letting yourself off the hook. You know, I deserve it.

I'll be stricter tomorrow. I'll get back on it tomorrow. It's just this one time.

Listen, listen, let's be very, very honest with ourselves. Weight gain doesn't start in the pantry. It starts with the bullshit story that you keep telling yourself about why you, breaking your word one more time, is totally okay.

Just in case you've forgotten, your brain is quite brilliant and it's building a case for your comfort in those moments. But you've got to spot it and you've got to see you're in an episode of Law and Order and you're working against yourself. And the minute your brain works hard enough to make that justification sound reasonable, you decide, oh, this is the best decision I've ever made.

Totally harmless. I'll just get back on the wagon tomorrow. You don't get back on nothing tomorrow.

You then sacrifice your whole week because now it's Thursday and nobody's going to start a diet on Thursday because now we're rolling into Friday and what kind of an idiot starts a diet on the weekend? You're not losing here because you're weak. It happens because you're deciding with your emotions instead of your intelligence and your standards. Do not let your feelings fool you.

They are sheep dressed in wolf's clothing and they will tell you whatever sob story they need to to get what they want, like a whiny ass child. But you need to step back and stand on the authority of your standards. Plan what you're going to eat each morning.

This is what we do inside of The Blueprint. I have my bombshell planner. We plan every single morning.

(6:47 - 7:44)

Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. Close the loop. Decision fatigue is no longer necessary.

You know exactly what you're committed to eating for the day and we do not deviate from the fucking plan. Why? Because it's not even about the food. It's about your standards.

When you say you're going to have a chicken stir fry for dinner, even though you've had the worst day in your life, you have the damn chicken stir fry for dinner because that's your standards. It's not the food that we're pre-deciding. It's the standards.

Remove that negotiation and let your structure step all over the toes of your mood every single time. The third stage of self-sabotage is such a creepy one. It's disengagement.

And this is one that I sort of touched on in the previous stage. It's where something very small happens, like you overeat just a little bit or you deviate off your plan or you eat slightly past fullness. And then instead of immediately stepping into your power and thinking, well, all right, well, why fuck up the week when saving it is still an option? You don't do that.

You tell yourself, well, I've blown it now. It's no good. I might as well eat everything in the house.

(7:44 - 10:29)

And this is the most expensive thought in the weight loss world. Because one decision turns into a three-day binge, a four-day binge. I'll just take the month off.

I'll start again in January. You stop paying attention. You stop caring.

And you definitely stop containing. And basically, you just mentally check out. This is where a lot of us stay stuck for years.

So I'm going to give you a little rule to put into place for when these things happen, because they will. You are totally fine and you're allowed to have off-plan decisions and eating moments. That's not the problem.

You just don't have to in a row. Break the spiral immediately. You don't need drama.

You don't need to punish yourself. We just immediately course correct and keep moving. Now, the fourth stage that self-sabotage will show up in your life is through identity attack.

And we all know this one with a vicious clarity. After you eat too much or you eat something that you didn't intend to eat, or you eat a whole bunch of something that you didn't intend to eat, comes the shame. What is wrong with me? I have no discipline.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? I'll never change. It's not worth it. Why do I even try? This is where your identity takes a personal hit.

And any momentum that you had been able to build up that week goes to die. Basically, it's gone to its graveyard. And good luck trying to resurrect it.

Now, listen carefully. You're over eight. You are not an overeater.

You're not a loser. You're not a failure. All behaviors, all choices are adjustable.

Identity is chosen. You are not granted an identity at birth that can never be changed. It's not a freaking thing.

And thank God it's not, because I was a real little shit and a little piece of work. When I was younger, in my teenage years, even into my 20s, I was the most selfish biatch on the planet. When I look back now, I feel embarrassed for that girl.

Like, oh my God, I never thought any further ahead than my own selfish needs. So thank God that we are able to evolve and progress and choose who we want to be in any given moment. Because I'll tell you something right now.

The woman that you want to be, she's never going to shame herself into change. If that was a thing, believe me, I would be a Victoria's Secret model by now. The shame that I have heaped upon myself, like heaping piles of poop, is what I've heaped upon myself.

And if it worked, I would be stunning by now. All of your eyes would be like glowing as you saw me walk down the street. Ooh, look at her.

She's amazing. Because I heaped enough shit on myself to be worthy of that. No, no, that's just simply not how it works.

Now, these days, I course correct quickly, immediately, and I continue moving forward. Now let's talk about the restarting illusion, because you know we all do it. Most of us do it every single week.

It's very subtle, but we find it so useful because it relieves the guilt and the shame and the frustration that we're feeling. But after that shame, as we know, comes the big grand promises. I'm going to reset.

(10:29 - 10:56)

It's a new week. It's a fresh start. This is my time.

I'm really serious. We tighten up all our protocols. We start slashing calories and overcommitting and going like way, way over the top.

And because it's unsustainable, of course, you land right back at stage one within days, or sometimes with me, even hours. This is the loop, and it's the reason why so many of us feel like we've been trying, quote unquote, trying for 20 years. You don't need another restart.

(10:57 - 13:31)

What you actually are craving is stability. Let's reverse back to what I was saying earlier today. You need to know that you can trust yourself.

That's what stability is. That's what reliance is. It's boring.

It's repetitive, but it's structured stability. The weight loss that you want, the goals that you want, the targets that you want to hit, the ending emotional eating, it's not going to come from dramatic big ass comebacks. It comes from reducing the frequency of this sabotage.

If you can hear those weird noises in the back, that's my tiny little chihuahua. She's having a coughing fit. Okay, mama.

Okay. So what I want you to take away from this today is the knowledge that self-sabotage isn't random. It actually follows a script.

It starts with a trigger. It will then justify the action, disengage you from what's going on, then attack your identity before it convinces you to restart. And if you can be smart, sexy, savvy, and switch on enough to identify which stage of the cycle you're at, you can interrupt it.

And every time you do, it will be a little earlier in the cycle. It will happen a little faster. You'll be a little calmer about it.

And that's the relief that you're actually seeking. It's not another diet. You don't need another diet.

You don't need a detox. What you actually want is relief from fighting with yourself. So my loves, it has been an absolute circus in here today.

My little chihuahua is running around. She's scratching on the doors. She's coughing.

I feel like she's determined for this episode not to go live. But you know here, we're standing on our word. We're making shit happen.

So here's my question to you. Which stage of the self-sabotage cycle are you in right now? Are you feeling the triggers? Are you in the stage of like fully negotiating with yourself, or have you completely checked out altogether? Okay, I can't. The scratching and the barking has gotten a little outrageous.

So I'm just going to say, be smart, sexy, savvy, and switched on. All patterns can be broken faster than you think, once you realize where you're standing inside of the cycle. If this episode has helped you to see yourself more clearly or understand the cycle and what's going on, please remember to hit subscribe so you don't miss another episode, or leave me a review, because every single review pushes this message in front of another gorgeous woman who is also fighting with herself quietly today.

Remember, you don't need another diet. What you actually need is to interrupt the patterns. I cannot wait to see you again in the next episode.

Until then, gorgeous ones, bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now.

You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your way without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.