I almost didn't record this episode today because it's not one of your regular clean polished before and after stories. This is the messy middle story. And this is where it feels very vulnerable for all of us, not just me, but for all of us.
And I want to tell you today really transparently how my weight loss journey is actually going, what has worked, where I have drifted off course, and also what I'm going to be changing moving forward. Mainly because I am never going to be the coach that sits here telling you all you should do like what I do and you should just be like me because I'm up here so perfect and I never suffer or deal with the cravings and all the things that that is so human and so natural. So of course, I feel it all, I experienced it all, I go through it all.
I have the rebound weight gains just like all of you do and how I'm actually going to be dealing with it moving forward. What is up you gorgeous, fabulous creatures and welcome to another week of the Losing It podcast. You're here with Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach, and I'm very, very excited to be here with you today.
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Am I really that excited? I mean, I kind of am because today is going to be a lot more intimate episode. It's very trans, well it is very transparent, but it's also very relaxed. I've literally got my green smoothie here, my lemon water and a green tea.
I'm chill, like I'm just sitting back here in my chair and ready to have a yap with you all because I can tell you for sure it's much easier to sort of share information or teach when you're in your unstoppable zone and you're feeling amazing. It's very easy at that time to talk about, and I've got my standards locked in and look at me, you know, I'm going to become unrecognizable and it's fantastic. And I am going to become unrecognizable, but I will say it's easier to show up in public anywhere when you feel like you're neat and put together.
But that's not where I've been sitting lately. You all saw the 18 kilos come off last year and it was great and I made a big hoo-ha about it. I shared the structure, I shared the eating codes, I shared the discipline, I was in my no negotiation era and that was very real.
But here's what you didn't see. There's a very subtle shift that happens after we lose weight. It's usually not a big ass binge or some kind of emotional meltdown.
It's much quieter and this is where our leaks occur. We start staying up a little later at night, watching a little more TV. We lean in on the weekends with a little less structure.
And while nothing feels really chaotic, that's also what makes it so dangerous because you literally don't feel like it's self-sabotage. It feels very reasonable, but it's not. It's not reasonable.
You worked your ass off to get somewhere and then you slacken off on the exact things that helped you achieve the goal. So I had to start asking myself some really uncomfortable questions. Did I actually build the discipline that I thought I did or did I just build like a temporary version of myself that was strong enough for a season? And I'm going to be real with you.
I mean, that question was really freaking uncomfortable. I didn't like it. It sat really heavy with me because this is what I do.
I teach identity. I teach standards. I teach that who you are determines what you do.
But I also had to come to realize that fat loss is way easier than identity change. Like you always see me say, a trained monkey can lose weight. Chuck in a banana and show it how to dance around and we'll lose a kilo or two in a week.
Girl, you can change your body. You can even change your habits. But if you don't fully change your identity or who you believe you are, then I'm just going to be real.
You have changed fucking nothing at all. So let's rewind a little because when I lost the 18 kilos last year, I had to ask myself what actually happened. It's not like I was super motivated.
That is just not my personality. In fact, I am by nature quite a depressive personality. I don't think I'm very much fun to be around.
If I let myself be who I naturally want to be, I'm just a wild, wild introvert. I would be very happy to sit in my house watching Netflix, eating protein popcorn, and never see another person again in my life. But I forced myself to step outside of that because mainly that is just not benefiting the society as a whole.
And also, I want to live a full life. So last year when I lost the weight, I had four simple anchors that I adhere to. I only ate when I was hungry.
When I did eat, I stopped eating at 80% full. I made sure that I integrated a plan into my day every day, and then I followed that plan and not my mood. And ultimately, I acted like the woman that I want to become.
The biggest shift that I made wasn't with food. It was that I stopped negotiating with myself. I stopped negotiating with my standards.
I stopped letting myself off the hook. I started holding myself accountable. And I began asking, who am I choosing to be in this moment? Am I going to choose to be the lame-ass version of me that stayed fat and healthy and overweight for all those years? Or am I going to step into that 1% version of me? That woman who knows what she's capable of, knows what she's able to achieve, and steps into that role.
And that worked. But there's sort of a micro-tension that happens in these moments that a lot of people never talk about. You can stop negotiating your behavior and still remain a negotiating identity.
What I mean is, I had changed my actions and my choices, but I hadn't fully eliminated that identity of, I just describe it like a wild little ferret who raids the pantry at night and eats chocolate. And listen, if you think that's amusing, it's only because you're a wild little ferret too. I was the one who would sort of hold it together all day long, but then eventually about 7, 8 or 9 o'clock at night, I would be like, screw it.
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That part of me didn't disappear. I dialed down the volume on her for a while because I was very focused on my discipline and it was all very jolly. But when the pain of being heavily overweight like I was became less and less and less and less, so did my desire.
And this is what happens to all of us. So did my desire to do the shit that I was doing that was getting me results. So very slowly, I started leaking my power away.
I was staying up a little later. I was watching one more episode, telling myself the fantastic stories. Oh honey, you deserve this.
You've worked so hard. It's not that serious. You can get back on with it tomorrow.
Nothing exploded, but I probably dropped my standards by like maybe 5%. And while that seems so benign and innocuous in the moment, it seems like nothing. That 5% is actually everything because nobody, none of you all out there are losing your momentum in big ass explosions.
We lose it in tiny little micro permissions that we give ourselves. And that's actually the space that I've been sitting in lately. I don't see it as failure or falling off the wagon or anything like that.
I just simply noticed that there was a drift, which honestly to me is scarier than failure, because at least if you fail at something, you wake the freak up. Like it wakes you up, you get that jolt or that slap upside the head, and then you realize, oh my God, I got to do something about this. But when you're drifting, drifting just that 1%, 2%, 3% or 5% off course, it feels very comfortable.
You don't even really notice it. So I'm going to share with you what I would start doing differently and what I have started doing differently. Actually, if you want cleaner, faster results, I would have locked in my bedtime like it was absolutely sacred.
I was staying up till after midnight, and maybe that's very late for some of you, but I used to be a 9.30 PM in bed girl so that I could get up at 5 or 6 the next morning. I would have protected my nighttime routine hard. Like I would have put some very hard boundaries around that.
And I also would have made the screen time reduction happen a lot earlier in the evening. Actually, and I also would have kept a much tighter structure on the weekends. It's not that we can't enjoy our weekends, but they're not for giant blowouts.
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That's not enjoyment. That makes you feel like a piece of garbage when Monday rolls around. I'll tell you more than anything, I would have focused on updating my identity sooner because discipline is fantastic and we can all adhere to that for a period of time.
But without changing your identity or your operating system, then the discipline is just temporary. It is like fluff that blows past you in the wind. It is there one second and then it is gone because your identity is what sustains the standards when motivation fails.
So it took me the first few, I want to say wasn't first few months because we're only in February, but it took me definitely the first few weeks of this year to ask myself, am I still acting like the person that I want to become or have I drifted? Did I really change my operating system or was I just starting to manage my old self more efficiently? Because remember, and I talk about this all the time, our brain isn't wired to succeed. It's not wired for big wins. It's wired to survive.
It wants comfort and predictability. It wants big dopamine hits, which hello, I get from chocolate. It wants familiar patterns, but it does not give a shit about is you having strong muscles at 50 or 60 years old.
It doesn't care whether you can get up off the floor when you're 75, it doesn't care. So when I started feeling that resistance creeping in, it wasn't because I was weak or something was wrong with me. It was because I hadn't upgraded my operating system and upgrading your OS is a choice.
Now, I'm going to say, if you've got an Apple phone like me, you know, every so often you have to upgrade your iOS. You get the little notification pops up on your phone, tells you there's a new upgrade that's going to be installed tonight. And you need to make sure the phone is plugged in and available and free, and you're not using it at that time.
And it can install the upgraded system. But you always have a decision whether you want to upgrade it or not. And you can hit no, you can hit no, I don't want this installation.
No, I don't want this upgrade. No, I don't want it. And you can do that as many times as you like.
You can keep your old iOS, but eventually, if you do, if you've ever had this happen, and you've got friends, or maybe you're the person who's got a really old ass phone, and their operating system is so old that it's now clunky and slow, and it barely works anymore. Well, honey, it is exactly the same with your internal operating system. If I don't submit my own permission slip, and I continue to refuse and rebel against and push against any internal mindset upgrades, I am going to be carrying around my old clunky, lame, unusable OS, but wanting supreme results.
I want the latest results. I want my operating system to be able to do amazing things and think clearly. I want it to make the best food choices, keep me healthy and all these things.
But I'm trying to operate on a clunky old ass operating system. The two don't go together. So here's what I'm changing now so that I can upgrade my operating system.
I'm not going to be starting over. It's not about that. I'm actually refining.
So for me, this is phase two, and it looks like earlier bedtimes, completely non-negotiable, structured meals, even when life feels easy. I make sure that I fill out my bombshell planner each day, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. These are my commitments for the day.
It's not even about the food. It's about becoming a woman of my word. When I say, this is what I'm going to be eating today, that is what I'm going to be eating.
I don't change it at 8 p.m. at night because I want more, or because it's just one more bite, or because somebody brought home a pizza. No, I stick by my word. I'm also going to be integrating strength training again.
I'm giving it another crack because I know that at my age, I need it. So I'm doing it this time with intention. I have a structured program that I'm following, and I'm going to be doing and committing to that for at least a three-month period, because my goal is to do three blocks of 60 days and see what kind of transformation I can achieve during that time.
I'm about predictability. I don't want perfection. I'm not here to get it perfect.
I'm here to know that each and every day, I can predict. I've got the gym at this time, meals at this time, working out at this time, working at this time. I don't want to be, I'm not signing up for the emotional hole I'll start again on Monday, thinking that is so redundant now in my wardrobe of thoughts.
It's not even an outfit that I'm prepared to try on, let alone put out. And I'm also not going to be sitting in that comfortable, big ass bean bag that we just call, I deserve it. I need this.
I've earned this. Fantastic. I'm sure you freaking have.
But you also deserve the life of your dreams, the body of your dreams, the health and fitness of your dreams. And really, if you have to choose, because you do, then choose the one that actually is going to benefit you. Most importantly, I'm no longer going to entertain the identity of somebody who quits all the time.
Such a lame ass quitting person I was. I am not going to reinstall an old iOS. That's not going to happen.
And that's the real work. It was never really about losing weight or hitting a certain number on the scale. It was always about becoming the woman who does not negotiate with herself anymore.
And that's probably why I even needed this phase because losing the first 18 kilos taught me discipline. And that's great. But this season is teaching me commitment to myself.
So if you're listening and you're feeling like, yeah, I think I drift too. I promise you, you're not broken. It's not about being lazy.
You're probably just carrying around an old OS or an outdated and redundant identity inside of your brand new body and your brand new desires. And that gap, that gap is what determines your results entirely. Momentum isn't going to disappear in big dramatic moments of like, I had a birthday party or it was Christmas or Festivus.
That's not what screws us over. It's the tiny little decisions that leak our commitment to ourselves. Because if you can control it in those tiny little daily choices, then you can control it in the big ones too.
And that is how your new operating system and character are going to be built. Thank you so much for joining me here today. As always, if you found today useful, helpful, or even mildly entertaining, please make sure you hit subscribe to make sure you never miss an episode.
And please remember, the only person who has the power to change your life is you. When you stop looking at yourself through the big ass, ugly monster eyes of judgment and start looking at your actions and choices analytically, you'll be able to see that your brain is only ever trying to keep you in a place that it thinks is most beneficial for you and to you and just all around because of you. Okay, your girl's getting a little tired here.
But when you make that commitment to upgrade your operating system, raise your standards, step into them and hold yourself to them no matter what, that's when you've got what it takes. I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love. I can't wait to see you again next week.
I promise I'll give you more updates. Until then gorgeous ones, bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in.
Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now. You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.
