Don't Wait Until You Hit Rock Bottom: 3 Life-Changing Lessons Every Woman Needs to Hear

What happens when life completely knocks you off your feet?

In this powerful and deeply personal conversation, I sit down with fitness and nutrition coach Ally Emmanuel to discuss the rock-bottom moments that forced her to rebuild her life from the ground up.

From surviving addiction, abusive relationships and unimaginable trauma, to becoming a thriving coach helping women over 40 transform their health, confidence and mindset, Ally's story is proof that it is never too late to change your life.

We also dive into the realities of weight loss, strength training, menopause, self-worth and why so much traditional fitness advice is failing women after 40.

If you've ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, disconnected from yourself, or convinced you're too far gone to change, this episode is for you.

In This Episode We Discuss:

• The life-changing moment that forced Ally to reclaim her power

• Why women over 40 need a different approach to health and fitness

• The biggest fitness myths still being sold to women today

• Why extreme dieting and endless cardio stop working

• The truth about protein and why most women aren't eating enough

• Why strength training is non-negotiable after 40

• How to avoid the all-or-nothing mindset that keeps women stuck

• The connection between self-worth and sustainable weight loss

• Why resilience is built through imperfect action

• The simple habits that create lasting transformation

Connect with Ally on Instagram: @thrivewithally

Connect with Kylie on Instagram: @kylie_pax

Get Kylie's exact weight loss Blueprint

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Transcript

Welcome you gorgeous, fabulous creatures. Now, before we jump into today's episode, I want to introduce you to today's guest. Ali is a 53-year-old fitness and nutrition coach who rebuilt herself from the inside out during one of the most difficult seasons in her life.

Today, she helps women over 40 do the same. Through her business, Thrive With Ali, she has coached hundreds of women to become stronger, more confident, build habits that actually stick to your ass. We really don't want anything sticking to our ass.

Ali specializes in helping women navigate perimenopause, menopause, all the fun stuff as our body starts to change. She helps them build strength, regain their confidence without extreme dieting or overwhelming crazy ass fitness plans. What I love the most about Ali's approach is that it is not just built on theory.

It is built on lived experience. She has walked through the adversity, rebuilt herself from the ground up, and now she helps other women do the same. In today's conversation, we're diving deep into why traditional diet and fitness advice often fails women after 40, how to avoid the supposed to trap, and what wellness trends should we be embracing in 2026, and which ones should be shimmying their little ass out the door.

So let's get into it. My loves, welcome to another episode of Losing It. You're here with Kylie Paxton, Australia's Rosemary, emotional eating coach, I'm sure you know.

We are also here today with the most fabulous guest that I am freaking out. As you can see, I'm stuttering my words. I cannot believe that I've actually got this gorgeous angel on the phone here with me.

Well, I want to say on the phone. You can tell at my age when I start yipping about the phone. Ali Emmanuel is the most beautiful angel you are ever going to meet.

Not only is she gorgeous, but she is smart, sexy, savvy, and switched on in the world of nutrition mindset and overhauling women's lives in one fell swoop. Let's just say in one fell swoop, she can take you from zero to hero. And that is why I'm so excited to have her with us today.

Ali is going to tell us a little bit about her story and also how as women 40, 50, 60 and beyond, we can create change in our body that is not only as they like to say on TikTok, unrecognizable, but most importantly for us, it is sustainable. Welcome Ali. I'm so excited to have you here, my darling.

Yay. Thank you. I'm excited to be here.

I'm so glad that I met you too. You just, you're just full of energy and I love it. I love it.

Yes. That's my secret stash of vitamins. Don't tell anybody.

Now, Ali and I did chat a little earlier this week and she has the most incredible story of rebuilding herself from one of the hardest periods of her time to now reaching the pinnacle. Well, at least the pinnacle for now in her life. Can you take us back to that moment and explain what changed for you mentally before the physical transformation even started to happen for you? The biggest thing that did it for me was the mirror.

Actually looking at myself in the mirror because I'd been lying to myself. I had no boundaries. I didn't respect my own values.

I was lying to myself. I spoke to myself so terribly, like no wonder that I was on a mouse wheel and I couldn't get anywhere because I'd look in the mirror and say, oh, you're ugly or look at your fat gut or, you know, and people don't realize that these words, they are really, really damaging. And if you want to propel forward, if you want to move forward with your body and have the body of your dreams, it all starts with the mind.

I always say, speak to yourself like a five-year-old child, because that child, she is still in you. So would you speak to a child saying you look fat, you look ugly, you know? And when you put it into that kind of perspective, you're like, oh my God, I'd never speak to a child like that. So why are you speaking to yourself like this? I have been through a lot.

I have been a drug addict. I was an ice addict for five years in my 20s. I've been through abusive relationships.

I've been through domestic violence to the point where my son was taken out of my care, my world. And that was only quite recently too. That was in January, I think it was 25.

And he was my world. You know, I was a single mother for 10 years. I was living in Sydney.

I was paying, you know, a rent, working soulless jobs. You know, I had to have three jobs to survive in Sydney. And I thought, what am I doing? And after this moment, the moment that I lost my son, I thought, Ali, who are you? You have been looking after everybody else and filling everybody else's cup.

And at the end of the day, look at you, they have sucked the life out of you. It's no more, no more. So in a way, you know what, I'm so grateful that certain things happen because it really cracked me open to finally look at myself and go, wake up.

Do you want to live your life like this? I mean, do you want to be sitting in your car driving to work crying? Do you want to be working all these hours? Do you want to be living in Sydney without your son? You know, you're not following your dreams, your passions. And so yeah, that was kind of the catapult, even though years before I was building my body, but I have been through trauma for the last 10 years. And I built my body through that, but it wasn't until that moment that that really cracked me open.

And it was like a light shining through. It's like, you know what, you have to make a really big change. Can you tell us a little bit about the moment? I know you shared it with me earlier, and I didn't actually ask if you're willing to share it.

But are you able to take us back to that time when your son was taken out of your care? Actually, I don't mind at all, because I don't really think people, when you say narcissistic abuse and domestic violence and nobody really understands how this situation could have turned out. So I'll cut a long story short. I was dating a guy for about a year's time.

I had tried to end it for about three months. One night, he forced entry into my home and basically would not take no for an answer. So he ended up getting a knife in the kitchen and stabbing himself three times and passing out in a pool of blood on my floor.

And, you know, Kylie, that moment, like, I was numb. And, you know, I'm still going to a bloody therapist for it because it is full on because that night could have went any way that night. That knife could have been turned on me.

It could have been turned on my son. It could have been turned on the dog. And for a 15-year-old to witness that and to witness his mother on the floor, crying, not knowing what to do with this person who was just completely passed out, who knows? It wasn't dead, but it's pretty horrific, absolutely horrific.

And no child should ever see that. And I shouldn't have seen that. Oh, honey, that's like a movie.

Yeah, that's the sort of shit that we see in movies. And I'm so sorry that any woman has to go through this type of thing. It's ridiculous.

Yeah. So I was all, I mean, of course, triple zero came, the police. I mean, there was cop cars everywhere.

There was ambulances. The cops were up interviewing. They had him in an ambulance downstairs.

And, you know, one of my son's friends was walking past the apartment, saw all the kerfuffle. The whole neighbourhood was out there. He called his father, who then called the father of my son who lived around the corner.

That night, my ex-husband, the police said he wants to take him, which I understand because of safety. But I did say, my son did want to stay with me that night because he could see, you know, I was all on my own, distraught. I actually said to the police, could you ask my ex-husband to come up here? Because I just needed to talk to someone.

And he refused to and just took my son. And so I was scrubbing blood out of my carpet until 4am on my own to think that I had to go to work the next day. It was a lot.

And I was in a heap. I think I only had about that much wine in a bottle, which was kind of a good thing. But you know what the funny thing is? I had already engaged with a life coach.

So I was already on a journey of healing and all this kind of thing. And the night after that happened, I had a breathwork session booked in. And you know what? I got in the car and I went to that breathwork session.

I couldn't breathe. But I went because I'm like, if you don't get up now, Allie, you're not going to get up. You're going to stay down because no one is coming to save you.

So it's up to you. Would you say that was your, I feel we all as women have many of these rock bottom moments, but there's usually one that is the catalyst for the next level of change. Would you say that was your rock bottom moment? And you were like, if I don't change something now, this is never going to change.

Absolutely. Because when I did have time to process it, I'm like, that could have been me. That could have been my son.

It was like the Phoenix rising from the ashes. I'm like taking back my power and there's no one going to stop me. I will do what I have to do.

I will use my voice. I'm going to be who I want to be. I'm going to be authentic, but I'm going to speak my truth and not put on a mask or perform or hide for anyone.

Well, let's do a bit of a pivot because that's quite a lot. But knowing now that there is always everybody, like I always say, everybody's got a story and yours is quite exceptional. So when you use that as a catalyst for your next level of change, and if you could even give us some insight from that, why would you say that so many women of 40, 50 and older feel like when we have those rock bottom moments and we feel like that's it, I want to take my power back.

But the old fitness advice that we used to use when we were in our 20s and 30s isn't working for us anymore, especially as we hit perimenopause and menopause. Why do you feel that advice has stopped working? We're trying. We're doing all the same things.

We're doing what they tell us to do. What seems to be the blocker that you've experienced? Because women have been so busy raising families, working and all this kind of thing, they're still stuck in that era of like, oh, what I did when I was 30 is not working. It's like from our era, it was like, eat less, more cardio, more aerobics and classes.

And that stuff used to work and reduce your, oh, I'll eat like a thousand calories for five days and I'll drop two kilos this week and I'll fit into my dress. That shit does not work anymore. And it doesn't.

Yeah. And because I've been there, trust me, like I used to survive on a bottle of wine a day with a tin of tuna and cottage cheese. And I was like that.

But once you stop, you can't live like that forever. And once you stop doing it, you gain, you gain the weight and you're hungry. It's freaking miserable.

There is a bit, there is a better way. There is a better way. Okay.

So I love that. I was going to ask you then, what do you feel like are some of the biggest lies that we've been sold by the fitness industry in the era that we're in now or previously? I mean, I know you mentioned calories and cardio, counting calories like a lunatic and then pumping out cardio sessions. Definitely.

Do you feel like there's any lies out there that are being thrown around? And I use the word lies slowly or softly because it probably would work for certain demographics, but it doesn't work for us once we've hit perimenopause and menopause and beyond. A lot of the, like the foods that have protein written on them, protein this, protein that, that's all packaged. It's still, it's not real food.

It's honestly the basic still works. And one of the biggest things is the number on the scale. That, that scale, she's a bitch.

She's actually a bitch. Do not believe her because you know what, at the end of the day, it's just a measure of gravity. Don't worry.

It still messes with my head sometimes because if I've had a holiday and, you know, eaten a bit more than I have and I get on that scale, I'm like, oh my God. And then you walk into the gym and you think, oh, look at her. She's gained 800 grams.

No, people don't give a shit. As we do age, of course it's harder. That number is harder, but it's not about the number.

It's about your body composition. It's about that, the fat around you, the visceral fat around your organs. I mean, you want, you want strong bones and strong muscle and that weighs something on the scale, right? I love that.

That's what I was going to actually ask you. How important do you feel that resistance training is to changing your body composition and getting the results that we're looking for? I mean, do we have to do it? I have a lot of clients that just don't want to do it. And even me personally, I don't want to go to the gym, but I also know that's the reason I have to go to the gym.

But can we get the physique that we want, that sleek and toned and muscular and looks amazing without lifting a single weight? Is that even possible? Is that possible? Is that a thing? I don't want to piss people off here, but you're not going to get that body from Pilates, babe. Seriously. No.

Thank you for being truthful. Thank you. Yeah.

And you know what? I actually, I speak to women every day, lots and lots of women, and I even had a Pilates instructor reach out to me and she admitted it. She said, I realized that I need to do some resistance training. I've got the flexibility, you know, I've got the core strength, but I really need to build the muscle.

For me, strength training for women over 40, actually women of any age is a non-negotiable. Non-negotiable. Okay.

I love that. So let's look at say the woman who's listening to us today. She's hit her rock bottom moment and she knows she needs to change.

She also wants to change, but she feels a bit overwhelmed. She knows she's inflamed. She can't do everything overnight in one fell swoop, even though we've tried that a thousand times before.

We've all thrown the junk food out of the cupboard and said, I'm never eating chocolate again. That was me every Sunday night of my entire life. I'm never eating chocolate again.

And come Monday, I would be dragging it out in the bin and thinking, Oh, just a little bit. So what is the most important thing? Where could we start? That's easy, doable and not overwhelming. But once we get control of this certain thing, we can build on it.

Well, the thing is, is when you do have that all or nothing mindset, you're guaranteed to self-sabotage, right? Because it is overwhelming and you're doing everything and life in general is overwhelming. It's just seems to get busier and busier. The one thing where I would say to a woman is start with one thing and stick to that.

So maybe for two weeks, eat over a hundred grams of protein. No woman should be eating under a hundred grams of protein unless you're 45 kilos, right? Which maybe there are some 45 kilo women out there, but the majority, I don't think so. But not saying, not discriminating against a woman's weight, but we should be eating over a hundred grams of protein.

Nail that and drink two liters of water every day. Do that for a couple of weeks. Give me a, like from a zero to 10, if we don't hit a hundred grams of protein a day, as in we're really not paying attention, we're hitting a maybe only 40 grams, 50, maybe 60.

What are the odds of us losing weight versus, and feeling satisfied and satiated versus wanting to pick and snack and nibble at things all day? Is it like Buckley's chance if you're not getting your protein in? Pretty much because protein is satiating, number one. And, you know, if you're not eating enough protein, especially in the morning, if you're not eating enough protein, you're going to be head first in the Tim Tam packet by 10 a.m. You are. And I've seen it.

I've worked in an office full of ladies who are constantly going to the Bikki tin because they're eating like a yogurt for lunch. I'm like, come on, we are not toddlers anymore. Let's eat some food.

I love that we're not toddlers. I love you bringing out all the Aussie colloquialisms, like we're doing the Bikkis and like, ah, bocce, we'll have a smoke going. So this is fantastic.

I do like this. So aside from protein, do you feel there are any other wellness trends around at the moment that are worth embracing such as the protein and any that you feel like this is complete bullshit? Don't even worry about this. What do you think about the 10,000 steps? OK, well, you know what? Sometimes it is not possible.

You know, if you're working in an office 10 to 12 hours a day and I'm going to speak from my own truth because I did work in an office and my hours were eight and a half hours and the commute was another two hours. So that's 10 and a half hours. But I would get up at 4 a.m. and I'd go and train.

I would put my strength training first. My ladies have to drink three liters of water a day and they're like, oh, my God, this is like an Olympic sport, Ali. I said, of course.

I said, but this is the bonus. You're going to get up and go to the bathroom and pee that many times. You're going to do another 3000 steps.

So this is movement. This is movement. So if you can only get to 6000 steps or 8000 steps, don't be hard on yourself.

Do what you can do, please. Whatever you do, if you can go and lift something heavy three days a week and you don't have to spend hours in the gym, but just be consistent. Just show up.

I love it. All we need to do is show up for our own lives. We've been hiding for so long.

I was going to say so based on that, as showing up for our own life. And given that you gave us that little insight earlier into the way you used to talk to yourself, because I look at you. OK, let's just be real.

For those of us who are listening, let me describe that to you. OK, this woman is gorgeous, petite, blonde hair, do you have blue eyes or brown eyes? I feel like they're brown. They're hazel.

The woman has hazel eyes. She's sleek, toned and muscular and absolute perfection. Tanned, I mean the whole shebang.

I can't imagine that you would ever have had a time when you spoke ill of yourself, looked in a mirror, said derogatory thing. And yet you're telling me that even you, as gorgeous as I believe you are, even you had your moments and your times in your life when you thought you're just a fat cow, you never amount to anything, so on and so forth. So based on all of that, how important do you believe self-worth is and your own personal self-images to changing your life? Can you really make that mindset overhaul and even give enough of a shit to stop eating so much McDonald's and move to integrating some fruit and veggies into your diet if you're still calling yourself names and thinking really shitty thoughts every time you pass the reflective surface? You know what I say? The mind is the strongest muscle in your body.

Love that. The mind is the strongest muscle in your body. And you know what? We're not perfect.

Even I'm not perfect. I fall off the wagon. But if I'm going to say, oh my God, I ate this, I ate that, I'm like, what can you do? You ate it.

It's in the past. Get over it. Move on and get back on the horse and let's go.

And this is how resilience and confidence is built because you don't give up. You're like, you know what? You own it. And I ask my women to be completely honest with me.

I'm like, I want to know when you fall off the wagon because I'm going to tell you when I fall off the wagon too because this isn't a linear journey. It's not an easy journey. And self-love is not an easy journey.

It's not. When you have been for years and like everyone has this story and especially if you've been beaten down in relationships and told that your stomach looks big and when you've been spoken to so horribly like verbal abuse, that thing really knocks the confidence out of you. But now, once you get this, I can't even explain it, it's just so empowering.

It's so empowering. I would never leave the house without a full face of makeup, without looking perfect. And now I go to Woolies in my socks and slides.

And I'm like loving it. I'm like, I really couldn't care because this is me and this is who I am. And you just get this energy and you start to attract your tribe because you have a certain vibe about you.

You're not worrying about what other people think about you anymore. All right. I have the big wrap up for you.

And this is the question we all want to know. Actually, before I ask you this, I do have a question that I'm personally curious about. You told me, girl, that you get up at 4am every day and I just about fell off my chair and you said, oh, I slept in till five, Kylie.

And she said, what's the sleep in for you? And I think I might've said eight, but I think I told a little like fibby fib because it's probably more like nine or 10. How, how, woman, are you getting up at 4am every day? What is driving you? What's the drive behind that? Do you know what? I have such a fire in my belly and this is probably things that have happened in my past. And even from my childhood, from my mother, even saying, Ali, you always start something, but you never finish it.

And then I've started projects and I've either had them taken off me by partners or I've had to drop the ball because of, you know, drama and chaos and this and that. I have this fire in my belly that I'm like, nothing is standing in my way now. This is for me.

But also it is to show my son that you can rise from anything. And I want him to see, because he has seen a lot. I want him, you know, to maybe learn lessons a little bit earlier to, to know for him to be a confident young man and to be able to follow his dreams.

I love that. That is the perfect segue. Cause this is the final wrap up question that I wanted to ask you.

If you could leave one message with any woman who does look in the mirror right now and she feels broken and maybe she's struggling with emotional eating. Maybe she's in an abusive relationship. Maybe the abuser is her and the way she talks to herself and speaks about herself.

She feels basically like she's too far gone to even think about changing at this point. What is the message you would leave with her today? Oh, I just want to get her and kind of shake up and go, you know what? It is never too late. It is never too late to start.

I mean, even my mother's going to be 70 this year. So she's started in the last year, lifting weights and it's never too late to start taking care of your health. And I think the earlier, the better then, you know, I'm going to be a little bit funny here, but like, I do not want someone wiping my ass when I'm 80.

I want to wipe my own ass. Okay. I, I don't want to be put into a home where I need to be careful.

I want to be independent. I want to be strong. I want to be able to carry my own shopping and open my own jars and I do struggle sometimes with the jars, but, um, you know, it's a universal thing.

I swear they make them that way on purpose. And I just want to say to ladies that yes, it's, it's overwhelming, but I want to tell them that the basics work and also do not be afraid to ask for help. I have had coaches in my, I have a coach, you know, I've had coaches in my life and this just didn't all happen on my own.

I've had like people like in the background, helping me along the way, you know, with different things like competing and, um, you know, and, and business. And I think if you really need help, just don't think you are too far gone because you can change. That's right.

I so agree. And isn't that the purpose of what a coach is for? Whether it's you're talking, looking at your mental health, physical health, dietary health. That is what the industry is all about.

Honey, you're an absolute angel. Thank you so much for spending time with us today. I am ever so grateful.

And for everyone that's watching, you can find Ali on Instagram over at thrive with Ali, and I will also pop her, uh, her username in the chat below. I'm sending you all tremendous amounts of love as always. Please remember only person has the power to change your life with you.

When you step up, take control, stop talking like a wildebeest to yourself, give yourself an opportunity to move into your most powerful era. That is when you've truly got what it takes. We're sending you love.

Can't wait to see you again next week until then gorgeous ones. Bye for now. We're done.

Sorry, have a drink of water now. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your bar over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now.

You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.