Debunking Marriage Myths for a Stronger Relationship, Part # 2 2025 Update

Discover how debunking common myths can breathe new life into your marriage. Join me, John Thurman, as we tackle the widespread misconception that thriving relationships hinge on shared interests. It's not about forcing hobbies but about meaningful engagement with your partner. We also shed light on the idea that a peaceful relationship is inherently superior, revealing how well-managed arguments can actually foster growth and communication. Lastly, find out why venting every emotion unchecked might not be as healthy as it seems; instead, learn ways to express feelings constructively.

This episode promises a fresh perspective on building resilient and fulfilling relationships with candid insights and practical advice. By reevaluating these myths, couples can embrace each other's unique qualities, navigate disagreements positively, and foster genuine companionship. Personal anecdotes and actionable tips provide listeners with strategies to enhance their relationship dynamics and strengthen their bond. Tune in for an enlightening conversation that encourages understanding and growth in your partnership.

Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 1
Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 2
Link to Revitalize Your Marriage, Blog Pt# 3
Marriage Makeover: Six Exciting Ways to Energize Your Marriage, Blog
5 Ways to Improve Your Relationship, Blog

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Transcript

Common Marriage Myths Revealed

John Thurman 0:00

Resilient Solutions Shortcast, season 4, episode 7, marriage Myths Part 2. Hey, this is John Thurman and welcome to my podcast, john Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast, where I help you become more resilient in your personal life, your relationship and in your faith. And today we're continuing a three-part series. This is part two on Revitalize your Marriage Nine Myths you Need to Debunk Right Now and today we'll talk about the next three. Thanks for joining me. Let's jump in as we look at ways that we can debunk our marriage myths so we can really enjoy each other and enjoy our relationship. Glad you joined us. Let's jump right in. Hello, my name is John Thurman. Thank you for joining me today as we continue our discussion on how to revitalize your marriage by identifying some of the marriage myths that you and I tend to hold on to. My hope today is that we'll be able to tackle some of these assumptions that are as misleading as thinking that a church-sponsored couples retreat will fix everything over a single candlelit dinner.

Myth # 5 A Great Relationship is Always Peaceful

John Thurman 1:10

There's a link in the show notes to the part one, where we talk about the first three common myths that couples have. Myth number four is that a great relationship needs shared interest. First of all, having common interest is fantastic if you have it. You and your spouse might love gardening, binge-watching certain TV shows, playing tennis, hiking. That's awesome if you do. But there is a myth out there that if you don't have a shared hobby, you've got to find one right now to save your relationship. That's just not true. Not true at all. There are thousands of happy couples that don't share a single hobby. They enjoy each other's company. They love being together. They respect each other's unique quirks, likes, dislikes and interests. It's not about what you do together, but how you do it. If forcing yourself into shared activities creates stress and tension newsflash, maybe you should find something else to do. Let's just think about it for a moment. Do you want to pretend to love knitting to make your spouse happy, or would you rather cheer them on from a couch while you enjoy your own thing? The key here is respecting each other's interests and finding joy in being great companions. If you do do some things together, wonderful, outstanding, marvelous. But if you don't, don't get too wigged out or crazy about it, okay. Myth number five a great relationship is a peaceful one. The truth is, living with another person is bound to bring a mix of joy, blessings, peace, stress, anger and discomfort and, yes, lots of love.

John Thurman 2:50

Some people think that arguing means that your relationship is on the rocks or in a bad place. That's not necessarily true. Now, if there's a lot of conflict and a lot of tension, you might want to get some help on that. But for couples who live together and love together, there are going to be some great times and there are going to be some stressful times. There are going to be some times where you can anticipate one another, have great communication, and other times, well, it's not going to be so easy. If you know what I mean.

John Thurman 3:16

Arguments can just be a part of life. They're not good or bad, they're just part of living together. The key is perspective and control. The scripture in Ephesians 4.26 says and don't let sin end by letting anger control you.

John Thurman 3:33

I believe it's really important that we have basic rules of engagement and there'll be a link in the show notes on how to have a fair fight. I actually did a podcast and a blog on how to fight with your spouse 10 proven tips for having a fair fight. I'd encourage you to take a look at that or listen to that, as it will give you some rules of engagement so you can have a fair fight that's productive and you get some positive results out of it. A good argument in a marriage can act as a release valve for couples. It lets off built up tension, lets off some steam and many times you can use it to kind of reset your communication, clear the air over some issues and get reconnected. The key is to fight fair, not to lose control, stay in the room and to really be solutions oriented. By reviewing my fair fighting rules, it should give you a sense of peace of mind, knowing that you can express your thoughts and feelings without the fear of being abandoned, berated or humiliated.

Myth #6 A Great Relationship Allow Your to Vent

John Thurman 4:28

Think about different types of weather, particularly here in New Mexico. We can go from a beautiful, clear day to a monsoonal storm in 30 minutes. Marriages we're going to go through a series of gentle rain showers, thunderstorms, maybe some flooding and monsoons, haboobs or windstorms, even maybe hurricanes at times. But if we're committed to the long haul and the fighting affair, we can have a relationship that's lively, where we have disagreements and maybe even argue sometimes, but the mission is we do it in an appropriate way. Well, myth number six a great relationship allows you to vent all of your feelings.

John Thurman 5:06

Folks, this is just wrong. There's a thing popular in culture that you've got to let it all out. There is not a single bit of research that indicates this is a good thing. People tell us let it all out, tell it like it is, get in touch with your inner self. Some therapists even encourage folks to just yell and scream to release their emotions. There may be some appropriateness for that, but it's never in the context of a marriage and a relationship. If you're screaming and yelling at your spouse, you are devaluing them and you're not treating them as a human. When we get into that mindset where we're calling other people's names, we have just dehumanized them and in dehumanizing them, we make it easier for us to be abusive of them. There is never, ever, ever an excuse for abuse. Let me be honest with you. We have many thoughts and feelings about our partners. Sometimes these thoughts bubble up and before we know it, we blurt them out. At the same time it might seem like a great idea, but later on you realize that you were just a complete idiot when you shared that and you have to go back and eat your words and make up.

John Thurman 6:13

Think about how many times you snap at your partner about something annoying that they do, and our partners can be annoying. If you don't believe me, ask my wife. She can tell you how annoying I they do and our partners can be annoying. If you don't believe me, ask my wife. She can tell you how annoying I can be. What we have to do is just extend grace and not be bothered by everything. I want you to think a moment about the last time you snapped at your spouse. Did you feel righteous in the moment? Did it feel good to either let it rip verbally or just kind of sulk privately? It may have helped in the moment, but did it really help in the long term? I don't think so.

John Thurman 6:46

Most of the time when you do this one, we either are reactive and anger and loud and verbal, or we either do the opposite and pull in with a draw. We feel like we have the upper hand. But does it really help? Most likely not. If anything, it probably hurt your partner and cause some damage in your relationship. We want to be careful about that. You're going to damage each other from time to time because you're human. But as we grow an awareness of maintaining self-control and not venting all our feelings, we'll find that there's a lot of grace in the relationship and we can move towards each other.

John Thurman 7:19

So here's a little trick for you Give yourself some breathing room before you say something that could be disastrous. You might even have to literally bite your tongue and please take a moment to think it over. Is what I'm about to say going to heal or hurt? This is so important for the future of your relationship. I'm not saying you should be dishonest or hide the truth, but I am saying you need to learn how to share that truth in a caring, loving way, where it will be heard. It's a whole lot easier to hear a thoughtful comment or thoughtful insight than to be hammered with anger or insulted or put down. So next time you get the urge to vent an irritation, pause, take a breath and ask yourself do I really need to say what I feel like saying right now? And if the answer is no, save it for a calmer time.

John Thurman 8:15

It's so important to learn to manage our emotions in our relationships and, like I said, there's a link in the bottom to how to fight fair or how to fight with your spouse. I want you to have a happy, vibrant marriage, but I also want you to know that you're going to disagree from time to time, and that's okay. The key is to keep it controlled, keep it measured and don't attack. Remember. One of the key things you can do in the heat of the moment is to remind yourself. Is what I'm about to say going to heal or going to hurt? I'm dead serious here. I want you to click the link heal or going to hurt? I'm dead serious here. I want you to click the link and go listen to how to fight with your spouse If you have conflict in your marriage. That's the first action step you can take. You can listen to the podcast or go read the blog and download it, because I give you 10 specific things you can lower.

John Thurman 9:01

That Second action point if you're stuck and you need some help, part of what I do is help people. I'm a licensed clinical mental health counselor and a relationship coach and you can reach out to me just by email at john at covertmercycom. John at covertmercycom. If you and your spouse get stuck in this particular myth that you tend to overvent, overshare and hurt each other with your words, you need to do something about it before it gets worse. I can help you. You can talk to your pastor. You can talk to your therapist or talk to a trusted friend.

John Thurman 9:35

Well, thanks again for listening. My name's John Thurman. I'm an author, a speaker and a therapist, and you've been listening to my podcast, john Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast. You can learn more about me at my website, johnthurmannet. When you go on the website, be sure to sign up for my newsletter and you can get your free 2025 stress reduction tips. I appreciate you listening today and remember this is a day that the Lord has made and I'll make a choice to rejoice and be glad in it. We'll see you next time. Thank you so much, you.