Four Practical Ways To Protect Your Marriage During The Holidays

Holiday plans look perfect on paper—until the calendar crowds out connection. We unpack a simple, human blueprint for navigating December without sacrificing your marriage: turn toward each other in small, daily ways, share the load with clarity, offer real encouragement, and build margin so you can breathe. Along the way, John shares a lighthearted story about Christmas lights, unspoken expectations, and how a quick conversation can shift the mood of the whole house.

We start with the power of tiny rituals: five minutes on the couch, a quiet morning coffee, a short prayer or devotional that recenters the relationship before the day races ahead. From there, we get practical about teamwork: listing holiday tasks, dividing by strengths, and using a shared plan to prevent resentment. Encouragement takes center stage with simple phrases that carry outsized impact, plus ways to use eye contact, tone, and appropriate touch to communicate respect and gratitude when stress runs high.

Finally, we make a case for margin. You’ll hear how to decide which traditions to keep, which to simplify, and how to build buffers into travel, hosting, and family events. The goal isn’t doing more; it’s doing what matters most with a calmer heart. Whether you’re juggling kids’ concerts, office parties, or cross-country flights, these four strategies help you create a season marked by peace, presence, and genuine connection.

If this conversation encourages you, share it with a friend, subscribe to more resilient relationship tools, and leave a review to help others find the show. Which strategy will you try first?

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Transcript

Welcome And Holiday Stress Framing

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John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast, Episode 85, Four Ways to Protect Your Marriage During the Holidays. Well, welcome back to my podcast. My name is John Thurman, and you're listening to my shortcast, John Thurman's Resilient Solution Podcast, where I help you become more resilient in your personal life, your relationships, and in your faith. And today we're diving to a topic that many of us can relate to: the holiday season and the unexpected stress that it can bring to our marriage. Today I'll be giving you four ways to protect your marriage during the holidays. And while the holidays often paint as a time of joy and togetherness, they can also strain even the strongest bonds. Let's explore these four practical ways to protect your marriage and stay connected this crazy holiday season. Hello, I'm John Thurman. I'm a relationship and life coach, licensed therapist, author, and speaker. To learn more about me, check out my website, johntherman.net. Let's jump right in today. Thank you so much for joining me. And by the way, if you like it, share it. Thanks again for joining me today. I want to start with a personal story. Every year I take on the task of screening up holiday lights around the house. You can imagine my surprise recently when I was searching for a box of bulbs, only to be gently reminded by my wife that we had agreed not to put them up anymore. I guess I had a mild dissociative experience because I hadn't remembered that conversation. However, after a while we did have a great conversation and I put the lights up but in a more conservative tone, if you will. This experience underscores the essential truth that the holidays can be sneaky. On the surface, they seem merry and bright, but sometimes underneath that surface there can be stress, expectations, exhaustion, and even unspoken grudges. So how do we navigate the holiday chaos? I'm glad you asked me that question, really am, because it happens to all of us. Let's dive into these four strategies that you can use to lower your risk, to lower your profile, and to enhance your holidays so you can have a wonderful time. Now you want to pay attention to this because these four tools can really protect your marriage over the holidays and throughout the year. Number one, turn towards each other. Dr. John Gottman says one of the biggest reasons couples fail and have and experience poor communication and tough times is because they turn away from each other. They get distracted, they have old hurts, anxieties, anger, the busyness of life, and we quit turning towards each other. We turn away from each other. We turn into our kids, into our work, into our activities, and not towards each other. So the first thing up is to turn towards each other. The holiday season has a way of pulling us in multiple directions between malls, screens, and the never ending to-do list that dominate our time. But what if we made a commitment to carve out just a few minutes each day to connect? No phones, no screens, no distractions, just the two of you. Maybe five or ten minutes on the couch at the end of the day, sipping a cocoa and remind each other about good times. Or maybe a quiet morning coffee before the chaos begins. Taking a few minutes to share those special times can do a lot to help you turn toward each other. Hey, they might even try praying together or doing a little Bible study. Number two, share the load. Let's talk a few minutes about sharing the load. The holidays can feel like a full contact sport at times, can't they? Shopping, cooking, traveling, hosting, and so much more. And it's essential to remember as a married couple, your teammates during this season. Instead of keeping a mental tally of who did what or feeling overwhelmed because you're pulling more of the load than your spouse is, sit down together and talk about it. Make a realistic list of holiday tasks and divide them based on your strengths. Here's an important tip. Sharing your responsibilities not only gets things done, but also builds on intimacy and trust. And who doesn't want more intimacy and trust in a marriage? The third way to protect your marriage during the holiday season is to encourage each other. I've heard Dr. Jordan Peterson share this on several occasions, is that what most people want and need is a word of encouragement. One of my pastor friends used to say everyone needs an appropriate look, word, or touch. Encouragement is such a gift and it has so many benefits. And during busy times, particularly during the holidays, intentional words of affirmation can be a powerful, healing and encouraging tool. Think about it. When was the last time you took a moment to look your spouse in the eyes and let them know how much you appreciate them and all they do? Sometimes a few kind words can lift up your partner's spirit immensely. Simple statements like, I appreciate you, or you're really good at this, can go a long way in reforcing your bond. Just let them know how much you appreciate the things they do can come back multiple times as far as blessings and growth in a relationship. Remember, encouragement is about recognizing those little things and ensuring that your partner knows that they matter. Number four, in the big four ways to protect your marriage during the holidays, build in margin. Let me talk a minute about margin. That means give yourself some breathing room. It's okay to say no to certain events or commitments. This year, take time to decide together which traditions bring you joy, bring you peace, bring you growth, and which ones you can just skip. You might be surprised what you come up there with. By prioritizing what truly matters, you can protect your marriage and create joyful moments for you and your family. Remember, it's important to carve out time to breathe and laugh and simply be with each other amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday seasons. Truth is, if you don't plan those little interludes, if you don't plan for margin, time will fill it, so be intentional. Well, I know this has been fast and furious, and I hope this helps you enhance your holidays even more. So as a wrap up, I want you to remember these four key strategies to protect your marriage during the holidays. Number one, turn towards each other. Number two, share the load. Number three, encourage each other. And number four, build in margin and protect your peace. If you remember these principles, you'll find that the stress of the holidays is a little bit easier to get a grip on because you'll be managing your time and your interactions, not circumstances. Thanks for joining me today. My name's John Thurman, and you've been listening to John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast, where I help you become more resilient in your personal life, in your faith, and your relationships. If you'd like to learn more about my services, you can reach out via email, john at covertmercy.com, or go to the contact page on my website. I hope you have a merry and blessed Christmas and that you and your family will experience the sweetness of Jesus during the holidays. And just a little reminder, this is the day that the Lord has made, and I'll make a choice to rejoice and be glad in. I'm John Thurman, author and therapist, living in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Be sure to like my blog. If you like what you've heard in the podcast, share it with someone else. God bless. Take care. Merry Christmas.