%20(2560%20%C3%97%201152%20px).jpg)
Chronicles Of A Therapist
Chronicles Of A Therapist
Adulting Is Ghetto!
What if adulting isn't about ticking off a societal checklist but about navigating a never-ending journey of growth and self-discovery? Join me, Cassandra Shepard, as I unravel the myths surrounding adulthood. Through my own stories of unmet expectations and real-life lessons, I challenge the belief that reaching traditional milestones like financial success or marriage signifies maturity. Instead, let's redefine adulthood by looking at mental, physical, and spiritual wellness as ongoing pursuits. You'll learn to measure success not by societal standards but by your own self-awareness and personal fulfillment.
Resilience and the power of a strong support system play a pivotal role in how we handle life's hurdles. Embrace the emotional rollercoaster of adulthood, from tears to anger, and discover how to pivot when plans falter. I'll share insights on the need for proactive support systems that do more than just nod in agreement. They're about offering real solutions and opportunities that inspire belief in each other's potential. By the end of our discussion, you'll be encouraged to let your passion fuel your purpose, with an open invitation to connect with me on Instagram for ongoing inspiration.
Hi guys, welcome to Chronicles of a Therapist. I am the host, cassandra Shepard, and welcome to my space. So, on this episode, adulting is ghetto. No, I'm just kidding, that's not the name of it.
Speaker 1:But I had a moment over the last couple months and people who have done a wellness journey ie mental, physical, spiritual wellness a journey like trying to figure out yourself, trying to work through traumas, trying to grow and be a better husband or wife or father, mother, sister, whatever the case may be is a journey. There's a level of journey, there's ebbs and flows, there's ups and downs. Y'all see me, I've gotten small, I've gotten big. It's a journey and when I thought about that, I immediately thought about how much effort. You know the new year, new me, you know a birth, it's a birthday. I gotta get right. For how much that is it? It's very, very predicated on your mental and how you feel right. And so when I thought about that and I thought about I have this concept that adulting is ghetto because it is, I thought about how I remember being maybe 17, 18. I swore at 17, 18 I was gonna be by 25. I'm married. I got all of my. I'm done with school. I'm married. I got two kids, I got a house, and I remember getting to 25 and being like no way Me, I'm so immature, like to be somebody's spouse or mother, like, and so what made me think about as long as we've grown, we have this idea of what being an adult looks like, and there's a level of arrival, and I've met so many people in this, in and outside the counseling room friends, siblings for co-workers, whoever who feel like as an adult, you've arrived. If you have a family, maybe you get married, maybe you have kids, like there's. There's an arrival like I've done it, it's done, we, we're done and seen and I thought about that. That's not real. We're always growing, just like when you are trying to lose weight Most of us, even people who have gastric bypass or weight loss surgery, they can get big again.
Speaker 1:They're not far removed from being big again just because you have weight loss, just because you have plastic. You know when people go under their knife multiple times because they thought oh, I got my tummy tuck, I got my BBL, I got my face done, I got. And then guess what, two or three years later, one. They haven't sustained it, which is what any journey. You have to sustain things as soon as you stop doing those things that make you successful or feel better.
Speaker 1:Case in point I believe that mental health does not have to be long-term. Sometimes you have moments Maybe you're really, really struggling. You need to do therapy. You need to do therapy, but then you can graduate. But then you can lose somebody in your life that makes you clinically depressed. And guess what? You go back to therapy. You might divorce somebody, you might have a kid, you might move to another state and you don't know anybody. You go back to therapy.
Speaker 1:It's the same thing and somehow in our society we feel that certain milestones in adulthood makes you arrive. Any person who, like myself, who doesn't have children. You go to family functions when you uh, why does having kids equate a level of being an adult? That don't mean that, because I know a lot of people with children who don't need to have children and or are very immature. Like you're a mom, but you are so emotionally, mentally immature, or you're a dad. You you're somebody's parent. You ever met people and you'd be like wait, you're legit somebody's parent. Like you are a caretaker for a little person, bro.
Speaker 1:I say that to say that being, even being, married doesn't mean you've arrived. There are a lot of people who get married. They might have got married super, super young and they're still growing and evolving, and maybe they're not growing at the same rate. Maybe, like, one person took off and the other person's like, yeah, I ain't growing up, I'm gonna just, I'm gonna just stay here, what so? I? I thought about, like, whose level of success, like, to me, being an, a successful adult is not money, even though society tells us that success means money. Do y'all know that there are so many millionaires who are suicidal and or commit suicide on a regular? And they have a lot of money, lots and lots and lots and lots of money. They're still unhappy. The same goes true with they.
Speaker 1:I've met people who, oh, I just want to be. I've literally met people in my life who just wanted to be moms, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I've also met people who want to be. I've literally met people in my life who just wanted to be moms, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I've also met people who wanted to be moms and thought that being a mother was going to be the climax of being an adult, and then they find out, because they are a parent. How much of a journey that is. Like, ta-da, I have a baby, okay, well, you're about to take this ride. It's going to be a roller coaster, like, yes, it's joyous, but that's why there's postpartum, that's why you know. So I think that we in America, or just we as people, have to realize that your journey is yours, whatever it looks like.
Speaker 1:And the reality is, if you have not done any self-reflection, if you don't know you, if you can't identify what you, what does adulting look like for you? You're always going to be in a loophole, like I've met people man, I can't keep a job. Maybe have you ever thought maybe the formula that you have created for so why you think people who are entrepreneurs are successful? Because they realize that formula does not work for my personhood. I don't want to clock in and out for nobody. I don't. I've done it. It don't work, that's I unfortunately feel that way, but because of my career, until I get my own practice's just what it is. So I my my desire, but I still do what I want and that's just what it is, whatever.
Speaker 1:But I think that as an adult, you have to recalibrate. Like it's it's a new year, like, yes, new year, new me. But why don't we identify what parts of you, man? I keep getting relationships. This is a okay. Guess what the common thread in all of these relationships are? It's you. When are we going to look at ourselves and say what is the issue and how do I change it? Because, yes, adulting is ghetto.
Speaker 1:And when I say that, people are like, well, what do you mean? I'm talking about the part of adulting where you feel you figured it out. You think you figured it out. Like I'm saving, I'm budgeting, you know what I mean. Like I got everything on my eggs in a row, I'm taking care of myself, my mental good, my spiritual, and then you have a house fire. You'll be like, bro, what, what do you mean? What do you mean? I have a house fire, everything.
Speaker 1:That's when I say adulting is ghetto. That is the journey of adulting. When you have set things in place and you think you're you, you know we, we sell it, we coast and everything is cool. Then something happens. Then then you never thought you were gonna get pregnant. Then you get pregnant. Where did this? What? I've been trying to get pregnant for seven years and I ain't got pregnant. And now, when everything, when I've said I don't want this anymore. You get pregnant. That that is the part of adulting his ghetto. But please, ma'am, please, sir, if that is you, welcome to adulting his ghetto. That you just have to. It's a journey. You have to write it out, you have to.
Speaker 1:Something that I a mantra I guess you can say is being able to pivot. You, you gotta be able to be an adult means being able to pivot, being able to see what is in front of you and saying, okay, I had a house fire, all right, well, I'm so grateful I have house insurance, because if I didn't have, does it suck? Yes, who? Nobody wants to wake up and or come home from work and your house is ablaze? Nobody like you. You can't.
Speaker 1:The last Saturday of 2024, somebody hit me at a red light. Did I want that? Absolutely not. Did I want to now have to go to physical therapy because of it? No, did I plan, especially because I literally was at a red light. I'm minding my business, but I got into an accident. Nobody plans for these things. But after I spazzed out about it, I said you know what we can drive? Still, my car is not total. We can get it from a to b and it's gonna be a check at the end of the day because you was at fault, because I was at a red light. Great, I can go on a trip.
Speaker 1:So, like, part of being an adult means how do you pivot? How do you step away from the stress? Oh, my god, you know, in in in relationships, your partner might lose their job. That can happen to anybody. Degree, no degree, career, it can happen. They can downsize. Your company can randomly decide that they want to downsize and you could have been the top of the company and they downsized.
Speaker 1:You didn't plan for this. Your plan was to be working and retire from here. Okay. So now I got to go back to school. Pivot, be okay with pivoting. Be okay with stepping back and saying what things do I have that I can do? That I don't stress out, because that's really what being an adult is, and the journey of being an adult is being able to have great support system. That's how we pivot.
Speaker 1:Yes, with the internally, you got to you literally. I've met people who don't know how to pivot and they get fixated. I just really want to. Ok, you keep applying for these same jobs and then you work there and you always get laid off. So you don't think that that's a trend at all. Like it's maybe. Maybe you should try to be an entrepreneur. Is it scary? Yes, every entrepreneur, I know it's a struggle. I don't think I know any entrepreneur who hit big immediately, like everyone I know. It was trying. No, that didn't work. Oh well, all right, we're going to. But you have to have the determination to keep going because it will At some point. At some point point something's going to cross if you are passionate and you are consistent.
Speaker 1:Call me crazy, but I do believe in a law of attraction. Like people say that and people think immediately I'm gonna, no, but I believe that if you continue to pour into yourself, if you continue to pivot, if you continue to refocus on the things that are going on in your life, you the law of attraction will bring you. If you every entrepreneur, it's always something. They. They randomly meet somebody at the gas station that they would have net. They. Man, I just really want to sprite today. Yeah, I'm about to go ahead and stop with the sprite. I know I'm running late, but I want to get the sprite and guess what. They randomly run into somebody and they just talking and it's a lifelong connection that they know that they need it. That is a law of attraction and once you change your life to look at things like that, it does get easier.
Speaker 1:I always tell people some of the best friends and relationships in my life literally fell in my lap. I wasn't looking for them people at all. I was not like, oh my God, I just really want. No, I was minding my business, being content that is the other key. So being able to pivot, having great support and being content. Sometimes you don't like it.
Speaker 1:Nobody likes losing a job. As somebody who has, I did my resume the other day. It's a lot of jobs on there. So why is it so many jobs? When I thought about it, it's because I value myself and my and my skill set and my gift. I. I value me more than they value me. So guess what, when things start moving funny, yep, I gotta go, because guess what? I understand who I am and if y'all don't want me, guess what? I'll go somewhere where I'm wanted.
Speaker 1:And I think that you have to look at your life that way. You have to be able to take chances and be brave, and that is really what being an adult is. So that is what we need to change. That's what we need to work on. We need to be able to know that being an adult is just that.
Speaker 1:It's not easy. Are you going to cry? Yes, will there be tears? Yep, you're going to be mad. Things will not go your way, but can you pivot? Do you have a great support system? Because if you do, then you can say, yeah, that does. Well, why don't you try doing something? That's what support is. Support isn't? Oh, that's nice. No, support is hey. Why don't you try doing x? Hey, I know a guy that does such as such. Let me, let me link you. That's what support systems really are, not just a listening ear, but what can I pour into you? Because I believe in who you are as a person. So hopefully that helps you guys. Thank you for listening. You guys can find me on Instagram at cnchef underscore chronicles, and don't forget to allow your passion to prepare your purpose, and I'll catch you guys next time. Thanks for watching.