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Chronicles Of A Therapist
Chronicles Of A Therapist
What is Self-Honesty
Ever wondered how embracing your flaws could lead to unparalleled success in your relationships? Join me, Cassandra Shepherd, as I share my journey of self-discovery, where being perpetually late became a launching pad for refining my leadership skills. In this episode of Chronicles of a Therapist, I discuss how acknowledging my own quirks, like my infamous tardiness, has transformed both my work and family life, allowing me to stand firm against manipulation and leverage my strengths for personal and professional growth.
Through honest communication and self-reflection, we explore the art of nurturing healthy connections. By identifying personal triggers, such as the aversion to unpleasant odors, we can steer clear of unnecessary disputes and foster understanding. Let your passions illuminate your path and join me in an ongoing conversation about self-awareness and communication on Instagram @CNShep_Chronicles. Here, the journey doesn't end; it only evolves.
Hi guys, welcome to Chronicles of a Therapist. I am the host, cassandra Shepherd, and welcome to my space. So we've talked about adulting and the things, and something that is influential, to conquer or be successful, is self-honesty. It's being able to be so in tune with yourself. It is definitely something that has taken years for me, like, and anybody who has a level of self-honesty, for me it means like insight and awareness into you.
Speaker 1:These are the people who can literally tell you they're good, bad and indifferent, and not in a like arrogant, stubborn way, but like case in point, I am always late. I feel like I've been like this since I can remember, so probably all my life. I'm always, always, always late. Now, even when I'm trying not to be late, I'm always late, always. Oh, it's so bad at the school that they be like yeah, shepherd, get there. When she get there, I'm you know what, I'm good, I like that for y'all. I'm glad that y'all know that, because when I get there, I'm here and I and I I'm going to do the things that I need to do and I'm going. I'm very like at my school I'm number two, like I'm not the assistant principal, but I literally my principal relies on me when she out, everybody's like what, you're running the school and I'll be like I was running it anyway. And some of that is because that's literally who I am, like I've learned throughout years of employment. The reason why people rely so heavily on me is because I'm very, very self-aware. On top of my parents shaped and and conditioned me to be a really, really good worker, like in any space, anything I put my hands on, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it very, very well, and that's not even like on some arrogant, but like when I'm locked in with something, it's mine, that's not my baby, it's gonna be great, wonderful. I'm gonna eat, breathe, sleep it. That's. That's just who I am, because that's how I've learned through journeys of life and being self-aware. That's who I am, and so because of that, I have identified personally how that affects my relationships, my work relationships, my family dynamics, like you have to be able to understand.
Speaker 1:Like some of you guys know, I have my sister on here. She has, she is the director of operations of our family business, the reason why I am where I work so hard, and not even on on paper, but like I help the family business because I'm me and I love my family and I want us to be successful. Not so, oh, I'm gonna be. No, this is something that our family has created. You need me to do what you need me to. Oh, I need to do some policies. Cool, say less. Do I know how to write policies? No, I'm smart enough to figure out how to do it and it's done. So now I'm the policy writer for random stuff. Like, did I ever think 10 years ago that I would be writing policies for businesses? No, I had somebody, um, my coach, who I work out with. He, he didn't know and some of y'all don't know this.
Speaker 1:I had Lioness Entertainment for a spell and I was producing shows and plays and managing artists and doing those extra stuff. And people don't know that about me. Like, I was doing wedding, I was doing a lot of stuff, but that's because I locked into something and I figured out how to did it, how to do it, and I did it very well Law of attraction. But that's because I have self-awareness to know that. You know, he just said I'm an operator. I really am. Like I can see stuff. I don't have to be the visionary, but I can interpret a visionary. If that makes sense. I can interpret it and make it plain so other people can do it, which is a different skill. You know why. I know that I have self-awareness and I've done enough work in different spaces of my life that I know how to navigate that. So the reason I wanted to talk about that is if you don't know that, you will fail in your relationships, if you don't know that you will fail in your relationships if you don't know yourself case important my relationship I just said I can get. If he wants to start a business, he can tell me hey, I want to do this, cool, all right, let me do your policies and I will help write it. And and I'm not gonna do it for you, but I'm gonna make it easier for you have to know how that affects your relationships and the detriment that I've learned in past is when you do that for people, then they take advantage of you, and so you have to know and have self-awareness, to know your skill set and know you so that you can protect yourself.
Speaker 1:You cannot have gifts and I believe every person has something they're good at. I would never tell anybody. Everybody has a gift, a talent. They might be really, really most creative people can do all kinds of stuff, like if you ever meet somebody who does hair or is a barber or does nails, or I guarantee you they DIY stuff at their house, they know how to upholster. They find it's the creative brain, people who can create things, can create many things. They just have learned how to channel it. So if you don't have this self-awareness about yourself, you will struggle in your adulthood.
Speaker 1:The reason why I have had so many jobs I said this previously I value myself and I know the reason why I randomly became number two at the school last year, my first year. My principal said okay, yep, I'm gonna need your help because this is where I'm lacking and you do this very, very well and easily. Did I ask for that? No, I didn't sign on and be like, oh, I want to be the number two in the school. I just wanted a job where I got summers and winter break and spring break. Oh, this is great, cool, wonderful. I didn't expect that, but that is something that has followed me. And so if you don't have a level of self-awareness in your life, you can't monetize or maximize I'm sorry your life and you have to find ways. Some people feel like you got to go to school to do this. School didn't teach most of us. This life taught us this.
Speaker 1:When you figure out, dag, I can't keep a job, why I keep getting fired, you keep getting fired because you don't like people to tell you what to do. I I'm talking about myself, I'm not talking about y'all, that's me. I kept, there was a spell. I kept getting fired because I didn't like what people were telling. It was stupid, like this is what you? This the outcome. I'm going to do the outcome, but it's going to make more sense for me, and most jobs Don't want you to do that. They want you to be yes people, and so if you're a person who knows that you're not a yes person you asked me to do this. I will do this and I'm going to do it way quicker and I'm going to take all them stupid steps out because you just wanted this. That's how you know yourself.
Speaker 1:And so now, at this age, in this place of my career, I can say that to people and they figured oh, I need that. Yeah, but when I first got out of grad school, that was bad, because everybody was trying to put me in a box. So when I realized, oh, I even asked my mom a couple of months ago, like have I always, like kind of did what I want to do? Yes, yes, all all your life I'm joking so all my life, basically, I've gone around doing what I wanted and I I literally did not know that until a couple months ago. Like I knew that in practice and experience. But I literally had to ask my mom because I'm like dad, I really don't like people telling me what to do. That could be problematic.
Speaker 1:So, as far as that, in relationships, if you're a person like me who don't like to be told what to do, you have to identify why that's a barrier for you. For me, life has taught me that it's not that I don't like people to tell me what to do. One is how? Because who you talking to? Two, does it make sense? I'm very, very big, I'm very analytical, and so those of us analytical overthinker people, we don't like people to tell us what to do because it didn't make sense that why would I do that? Like, but if you can tell somebody who's analytical, hey, if you do this, or the reason we're doing x, y and z and Z, I might not like it, but because you gave me a reason.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so in relationships, in working, in being an adult, if you don't identify that about yourself, if you're just rebellious, why are you rebellious? Like, do you still have trauma? Is, is this something go on in your childhood, where it was bad, when people like people were telling you to do bad things? Like, you have to have that self-honesty and that self-reflection, because if you don't have it, you're going to struggle. It's going to be adulting and being an adult and working and living and loving and all those things will be a struggle.
Speaker 1:I had a conversation with somebody recently and we were just talking about their relationship and then, when we were talking about it, I was like well, was this a conversation you had? Like, did you talk to that person about X, y and Z? Well, yeah, well, but how did you talk to talk about it? Well, I didn't. I see this is the issue that we have in intimate relationships. A lot of times our own self-honesty is either you're telling people in your head and you didn't tell them. Like and I'll say this, woman, because we do this a lot and every man probably will agree we have conversations in our head Like I told you, but you didn't. You thought you thought about telling me and you didn't. I told you, but you didn't. You thought you thought about telling me and you didn't.
Speaker 1:And so now we're in it in a conversation, in an argument, in a disagreement about something that you, literally, and I do it. That's why I can say this until I realize like, oh, I didn't say that. So we really just had this long, 20 minute conversation. So, women, we got to do better like you conversation. So, women, we got to do better like you. We have to communicate better, because sometimes when you have really really close female friends, they fill the gaps, they, you can start it and and our men don't do that. So we got to be honest about our relationships with our really really close girlfriends and best friends, and sometimes they've known us longer and they speak our language, and you can't do that with your man. We can't, we can't. We can't because that argument was stupid and you might have fussed about him taking the garbage out, but you never said that to him. You never said that to him.
Speaker 1:Like, I got into an argument recently not argument, but a discussion about taking the trash out. I'm independent and have always taken my trash out. I don't like to, but I took it out because I didn't want to see it anymore. So in my brain I said to him I don't, it stinks, take the trash out. When we talked about it I didn't say that, I said it in my head. I probably yelled it in my head, I probably yelled it in my head and he wasn't around and so then I got so I said it to say in our relationships we got to do better.
Speaker 1:As women, we have to be better communicating and be honest about why we are struggling in our relationships. And once we are honest about it and we have that self-reflection and we can say you know, I'm sorry, I don't like the trash to stink. If it stinks, I will spaz out and then probably yell about taking the trash out. You know what I mean. Like, if we're not self-aware, then we can't communicate and we can't have positive relationships. Thanks for listening, guys. You guys can catch me on Instagram at CNChef underscore Chronicles, and don't forget to allow your passion to prepare your purpose. Catch you guys next time.